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They’d never really put a label on what they were.
Never given a name to the heated kisses and intimate moments they’d steal in the shadows of S or after hours in Joe’s restaurant.
Kojiro wasn’t sure what they were. But he had a whole list of what they weren’t.
~~~
- In love
~~~
Or, at the very least, Kaoru wasn’t.
Kojiro could hardly remember the years he didn’t love Kaoru, the years he wouldn’t find himself watching the other boy’s lips or yearning to touch his silky hair.
But Kaoru had never been in that position, at least not with Kojiro. Kojiro had watched as his friend fell for Adam, he mysterious hooded boy with blue hair and fire eyes. And Kojiro couldn’t say there wasn’t an appeal to the mystery and adrenaline Adam brought when skating with him, but his heart had already been stolen.
Kojiro had watched as Kaoru fell, and listened to his rambles about their friend, and endured the eventual flirting and moments the two exchanged, and suffered through them getting together.
Kojiro would have been fine continuing as was, despite the twinge in his heart whenever he saw the two together. He’d already known the first truth of his and Kaoru’s relationship.
But Adam, in his growing hatred and cruelty, had decided that was not enough.
Kaoru and he had been going to hang out by themselves for the first time in ages, and Kojiro couldn’t help but feel elated at that. For once he could spend time with his best friend without having to bite back bile and the sinking feeling in his stomach as he watched the only person he’d ever loved hang off of another.
So, yes, he liked Adam, for all that he was changing, but it would be nice to spend some quality time with Kaoru like they had before.
Kojiro was waiting for Kaoru at the stop sign between where their two streets met, when he noticed the pink haired boy approaching.
Kojiro grinned immediately, straightening from where he’d been leaning against the sign, but his smile dropped slightly as he noticed Kaoru was playing with his lip ring, a nervous habit of his best friend.
“What’s up?” Kojiro bit back the urge to ask about the bruise on Kaoru’s neck he knew the other hadn’t gotten from skating.
No questioning about any injuries Kaoru mysteriously attained ever got him anywhere, and perhaps this was what was bothering Kaoru and he would talk anyway.
“It has come to my attention--” he hesitated and took a deep breath-- “It has come to my attention that you like me, Kojiro.”
Kojiro froze. Shit, shit, shit. This was not supposed to happen. He was just supposed to be allowed to fester in his emotions until he got over them without Kaoru ever knowing.
“Oh…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say. Should he deny it? Or come clean and face the consequences.
“I don’t know if it’s true,” Kaoru continued, “And I’m not trying to blame you for something you didn’t do, but Adam thinks you do.”
Of course it was Adam who had brought this up , Kojiro couldn’t help but bitterly think. He should be grateful his best friend had a boyfriend looking out for him, but in the moment he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but a hatred uncharacteristic for him.
“And, Kojiro, you need to know, that if you do, nothing can ever come from it. I love Adam” Kaoru finished
Kojiro feels his heart crack at the words he’d never wanted to hear directly.
Through the short speech, Kaoru had spoken gently, and Kojiro hated that gentleness. Kaoru should be playfully bickering with and insulting him as they head out to a skate park or hit up an arcade, not… telling him this. Not telling Kojiro something he’s already painfully aware of.
“Yeah, I know.” Kojiro answered, hoping the conversation was over. “So, do you wanna hit the skatepark or the arcade?”
Something like guilt flashed in Kaoru’s eyes. “Sorry, Kojiro, I kind of promised Adam I’d be back after this conversation. He wanted to be sure…”
Kojiro sighed, ignoring the way his heart cracked even further. He wasn’t even allowed to be Kaoru’s friend anymore then, at least not without Adam around.
“Yeah, alright,” Kojiro ended up saying halfheartedly. “I’ll see you around, Kaoru.”
He put his skateboard down and took off before his friend could say anything more.
Kaoru did not love him, and he never would. It was the first truth of their relationship.
~~~
- In a relationship
~~~
Adam had left a week ago, leaving behind only scathing words of his place above Joe and Cherry and a brokenhearted Kaoru who hadn’t left his house since. Not even for school, which Kojiro had never known him to skip before.
Finally, Kojiro gave in to his desire to head over to Kaoru’s house and talk to the boy, giving up hope that Kaoru would do it himself.
He knocked on his friend’s door, hoping Kaoru’s mom was home, because he knew the pink haired boy wouldn’t open the door himself.
Kaoru’s mom was home, and opened the door as she rummaged through her purse. She glanced up quickly before looking back down. “Oh, hello Nanjo, Kaoru is up in his room if you’re looking for him. I was about to head out for work. Do me a favor and make sure he eats?”
The woman brushed past him as she spoke, taking out her keys.
Kojiro watched as she left; it had always baffled him how casual of a parent she was.
He shook his head and entered the house, making his way up to Kaoru’s room. He knocked on the door.
“I’m not hungry mom,” Kaoru’s voice called through the door, and he sounded dull. “I thought you went to work?”
“Not your mom, four eyes.” Kojiro was trying to be as normal as possible. “Can I come in.”
There was a small shuffle. “Go away, gorilla.” the insult held none of the heat it usually would; Kaoru wasn’t even trying to pretend.
Kojiro opened the door. “Too bad. We need to talk.”
Kaoru was sitting curled up in the corner of his bed between the walls, eyes staring at the door like he’d known Kojiro would come in no matter what. His glasses were askew and his hair a mess.
“Jeez, you’re more of a mess than I thought,” his voice is softer, but Kojiro is still trying for their normal banter.
Kaoru clearly wasn’t in the mood to play along, and scowled.
“Right,” Kojiro sighed, giving up on the act. “Listen, I know you loved- love him, Kaoru, but you can’t just stew in here. You need to--”
Suddenly, kaoru had uncurled himself and was on Kojiro in a matter of moments, mouth pressed firmly against his.
Kojiro froze, debating on what to do. Kaoru’s movements feel mechanical, and Kojiro knew they shouldn’t be kissing. Not with Kaoru in such an emotionally vulnerable state.
He put his hands on Kaoru’s chest and gently pushed him away. “Kaoru--”
“Shut up,” Kaoru whispered, tugging at Kojiro’s green hair and pulling him back in.
Kojiro knew he should fight it. Knew that, no matter how much he wanted Kaoru, this wasn’t right, and it wasn’t how he wanted Kaoru, not like this.
But he couldn’t get himself to make another attempt to stop Kaoru before he did something he would regret, and then they are topless and breathless, sprawled across the bed.
It hadn’t gone past a make out session, but it almost had. It ended with Kaoru rolling off of Kojiro, panting and red faced.
They were silent for a few minutes.
“This doesn’t mean anything,” Kaoru spoke up. “We’re not… together or something. Just friends. I just needed to stop thinking, and that seemed like the easiest way.”
Kojiro nodded at the clarification, he hadn’t really expected them to be. Whatever that had been, it didn’t change the fact that Kaoru didn’t love him.
It was just a distraction, a way to stop thinking about Adam for what was probably the first time all week. Kojiro would let his friend have that indulgence, no matter how much it hurt.
“Figured,” Kojiro replied, voice hoarse. He sat up. “Come on. You’re mom told me to make sure you eat, I’ll cook for you.”
“You’re food sucks though,” Kaoru whined.
“Hey, I’ll have you know, I’m going to open up an amazing restaurant when we’re older! Just you wait and see!”
They headed down stairs, their normal flow finally coming back to them.
They wouldn’t mention the interaction they’d just had, and Kojiro would find a way to bring up Adam later.
~~~
- Exclusive
~~~
Kojiro had figured, after that first time in Kaoru’s room, that that would be that. That it had been a one time thing.
But then it happened again, one day after school. Kojiro had waited for Kaoru by the school gates, only to be met by the boy storming out of the school fuming, hair trailing behind him as he grabbed Kojiro’s wrist and yanked him away and around the building to a secluded area.
Kaoru had pressed him up against the wall and kissed him, all burning anger and teeth.
“What was that about?” Kojiro asked after.
“Just… frustrated.” Kaoru spoke up, but he was fiddling with something in the pocket kojiro knew he kept his S badge in. He did that when he was thinking of Adam.
So maybe it wasn’t a one off thing, because it happened that time, and again after that, and again. Whenever Kaoru thought of Adam for too long, or something reminded him deeply of the blue haired teen he’d go to Kojiro.
At some point it had just become a part of his routine. Go about life, do homework, poke fun at Kaoru, hang out with Kaoru, skate, sleep, repeat, and fit in Kaoru’s distraction sessions when need be.
Kojiro had gotten used to it. And his heart hurt whenever it happened, because of the facts he knew - Kojiro may be in love, but Kaoru was not; Kojiro may wish it was a relationship, but Kaoru did not.
He’d at least thought he was the only one, other than Adam, who had gotten to experience Kaoru like that And that brought some reassurance.
Until he’d caught Kaoru making out with some guy from their school. He hadn’t said anything, just walked away and let the two be.
He hadn’t brought it up with Kaoru; what the pink haired boy did was none of his business, really.
It was around that time that Kojiro began to make attempts to actually move on, to actually get over Kaoru. He tarted flirting with other boys and girls, he went on dates and hooked up, but nothing lasted.
The first time Kojiro had flirted with someone in front of Kaoru the other had raised an eyebrow. His eyes had seemed to darken for a moment before he interrupted by swatting Kojiro over the head and snapping. “Don’t nuisance other people, you gorilla.”
When they’d been alone he’d questioned, “What was that?”
Kojiro shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like we’re together. I can fool around, right?”
Kaoru’s shoulders had slumped, and Kojiro figured it was then that the other knew that Kojiro knew he’d been seeing other people to.
“Fair enough,” Kaoru relented.
Kojiro may have been the one to state they weren’t exclusive, but Kaoru had made the first strike.
For all of Kojiro’s claims of trying to move on, though, he knew he wouldn’t be able to with Kaoru still coming to him for distractions.
They simply served as Kojiro’s own distractions from the hurt in his heart.
~~~
- Public
~~~
As the years went by, the routine continued, though as time passed it seemed to gentle. Almost becoming more intimate.
Kojiro didn’t let himself dwell on that and what it could mean. There was no use getting his hopes up only to crash and burn harder than he had the first time Kaoru had told him he didn’t love Kojiro.
But over the years, two things about their interactions never changed: Kaoru was always the one to initiate them, and he never did so in public. It was always behind walls or in the shadows or in a hotel or in one of their bedrooms or in the restaurant after hours.
Never somewhere where people could see them, and Kojiro could understand why. They weren’t together or exclusive, so what was the point? It idn’t stop the dull ache in his heart that the knowledge brought.
One would think, that after all these years, he would finally be over Kaoru, but despite the cruelness of being toyed with as he was, Kojiro couldn’t stop himself from loving Kaoru.
Joe skidded to a stop, having won yet another beef. It had been a hard fought battle, though, and he reached up to wipe his brow of sweat, vaguely aware of the squeals the action elicited from his fangirls.
“Joe,” A familiar voice called, and Joe looked to see Cherry making his way over, Carla hanging by his side.
He grinned. “Hey Cherry, what did you think of the race? I totally rocked it, right?”
Cherry nodded. “You did well enough, for a person as simple minded as you.”
Joe scowled playfully. “Uhuh, keep it up, lazy. We could do beef ourselves, see which one’s better. Your tech or my raw talent.”
Joe was vaguely aware of the loud whispers that had overtaken the crowd at his declaration, people placing bets as to who would win.
Cherry snorted.”Maybe another time.” He turned, making a small motion with his head signalling Joe to follow.
He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question his friend, following him through the crowd and out of the warehouse. No one was outside, and the two quickly found themselves alone.
“Ah,” Kojiro realized. “Make it quick, I need some sleep tonight. A serious guest is coming by the restaurant tomorrow.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” Kaoru answered, pulling down his mask and pressing his lips to Kojiro’s.
His hands trailed down Kojiro’s abs, exploring a terrain they were already well acquainted with.
Kojiro didn’t know what had brought it on tonight, perhaps it was just an attempt of Kaoru’s to stick it to Adam, now that they knew the other was back in Japan and running S.
Once they were finished, Kojiro bid Kaoru adieu. It was almost sad, he reflected, how normal this had become and how easy it was to walk away when he wanted to stay.
As Kojiro rounded the corner of the building, he heard Kaoru talking to Carla about causing a stunt to get fangirls to back off.
He wondered what the wild ones had done to their Lord Cherry to get him so annoyed this time.
~~~
Kojiro didn’t know exactly what they were, but he knew what he was.
Or at least, he thought he had.
~~~
Kojiro is furious as he sits in the hospital room.
He hadn’t thought Adam would go so far as to do something like that. Technically, the race had never even been finished, as Adam stopped to boast and goad Langa, but Cherry had been hurt enough that everyone knew the beef was over.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Kaoru spoke up, staring at his bandaged hands.
Kojiro glances over before looking back down at his feet.
He’d managed to change before getting to the hospital to look less suspicious - Miya had looked normal enough and after Shadow’s makeup was removed and he put on a sweatshirt instead of his cape he passed fine. They hadn’t wanted to risk injuring Kaoru further, though, and had left him in his skate costume.
When Kaoru woke up in the hospital, Kojiro had told Hiromi to take Miya home, it was late and the kid had been traumatized enough for one night. That left the two of them, alone in the hospital room, as they waited to here wether Kaoru would be discharged or kept overnight.
For the first time in his life, Kojiro has no idea what to say to Kauro.
The pink haired man sighs. “Look, I’m sorry for not listening to you. I just thought…”
Kaoru doesn’t need to finish for Kojiro to understand. He had thought Adam would feel something in regards to their past, that he would show some form of restraint or mercy. But that wasn’t who Adam is, not anymore.
“Do you still love him?”
Kojiro doesn’t know why he brings it up. He knows the answer. As much as he wishes Kaoru didn’t, as much as he wishes the other didn’t have to suffer like this, the answer is yes.
“What? I- no.”
Kojiro looks up in shock. “You… don’t?”
Kaoru tilts his head up to look at the ceiling. “No. Perhaps… I had some hope, due to my old sentimental attachment to him but… I have moved on.”
“Oh… well, that’s good.” Kojiro doesn’t know what to say beyond that.
He’d always figured Kaoru was still upset about it. After all, why else would he continue to steal moments with Kojiro and continue to break his heart?
They’re silent again.
Kaoru groans. “Alright, I guess we need to have this discussion, gorilla.”
Kojiro looks at him wearily. “What discussion four eye- oh, hey wait, you’re contacts. We should get those out.”
Kaoru waves a hand dismissively. “No, leave them for now. This is more important.”
Kojiro leans back in his chair, focusing on Kaoru.
Kaoru takes a deep breath. “I know this is… extremely late, but… I love you, Kojiro.”
He blinked. “Wait- what?”
“I have for… oh, a few years now?--” Kaoru smiles dryly. -- “I’m an idiot, I know. Our… makeout sessions pushed enough boundaries and nothing has to change if you don’t want it to, we can even stop.”
Kojiro feels thrown for a loop. “You… love me.”
Kaoru winces, like it hurts to hear it repeated. “Yes. And, I know that isn’t fair to you, considering how you used to feel, but--”
“Used to? Kaoru, I still love you.”
They stare at each other for a moment., coming to the realization they have horribly misunderstood each other somewhere along the line.
Kojiro breaks first, breaking out into a fit of laughter. “Are you telling me, this whole time we could have actually been... in love? Together? Exclusive? Public? A million other things?”
It hurts in a way that heals his heart somehow.
Koura chuckles, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth. “I suppose so. My, aren’t we a pair of fools?”
“Heh, I say you more so than me. You could have confessed any time you wanted with the knowledge I like you, four eyes. You really thought i would get over you when you were making out with me multiple times a month?”
“Well you’re the one who thought I was still in love with an abusive man bordering on psychotic that’s fixated on a sixteen year old, you gorilla.”
“Alright, alright, we were both idiots.”
There’s a pause.
“Can I,” Kojiro hesitates. “Can I kiss you?”
Kaoru smiles softly. “Get in here.”
Kojiro leans out of his chair, hanging over Kaoru as he brings the other in for a kiss.
The moment is far from perfect. They’re in a hospital room; Kaoru is injured; Reki has been nowhere to be found; and two kids they’ve both come to care about are in danger of facing a man willing to severely hurt even those who he once cared about. They’ll be facing a mess tomorrow once more.
But this is the first kiss they’ve shared that doesn’t hurt Kojiro’s heart, and he’ll take what he can get for now.