Chapter Text
I just want to ensure you understand that all I’m looking for is hugging. Cas typed, hesitated, typed. This is strictly platonic. Clicked send.
While he waited for a reply, he took another expensive sip of wine. He was doing his best not to chug the glass, but this conversation required liquid courage.
Yeah, buddy, I hear you. You cuddle, then you help me with my Accounting class. We have a deal?
A huge gulp of wine preceded his reply text. Yes, we have a deal. I’ll see you tomorrow at 6. I’ll text you my address.
* * *
His little rented house was always pretty tidy, but Cas still ran the vacuum and wiped down the coffee table with Lysol before his cuddle buddy’s arrival. He was drying his hands on a dishtowel when someone knocked firmly on the door.
Cas slung a mask on his face and swung the door open. “Hi, I’m –“ His brain stuttered to a stop. The man on his porch was extremely well-built with light brown hair and crinkles around his striking green eyes. Undoubtedly his grey-and-black mask covered a smile. Dammit. Charlie hadn’t said anything about his looks. But then again, why would she? She probably never noticed.
“Cas, right?” His voice was muffled by the mask, but it was pleasantly deep.
Cas blinked and rebooted. “Yes, I’m Cas. You’re Dean? Please come in.”
Dean stepped through the doorway, dropping a messenger bag off his shoulder and toeing off his boots. “All right, cuddle first or study first?” He rubbed his hands together and moved into the living room, taking in the second-hand couch and the view from the patio doors into the small backyard.
Cas quickly turned to shut the front door. Get a grip, Castiel. Oxytocin. Remember the oxytocin. “I’d prefer to cuddle first, if you don’t have a preference,” he said. Dean quirked his eyebrow as Cas used air quotes around “cuddle”.
“Um, sure, buddy. Whatever floats your boat. Here on the couch, I guess?” He swung his arms back and forth, like he was stretching for a workout. Cas emphatically did not eye the strip of taut abdomen revealed as Dean’s t-shirt rode up. This is platonic hugging. It doesn’t matter how good looking he is.
Brow furrowed, Cas stepped hesitantly around the couch to face Dean. “I thought we’d do it standing up?”
Dean ducked his head, and looked up at Cas through his lashes, his eyes twinkling. “You wanna do it standing up?”
“Hugging!” Cas blurted, flustered. “Hugging is usually done standing up!”
Dean’s mask clearly hid a grin, but he spread his arms wide. “It’s your party. Bring it on in, man.”
Firming his shoulders, looking anywhere but at Dean’s face, Cas stepped into Dean’s orbit. Immediately Dean’s arms tightened around him, drawing Cas’s head in to his shoulder as his hands splayed across his back. “There we go, that’s not too bad.” Cas felt the rumble of Dean’s words through his chest and shivered.
He didn’t feel calm at all. His breath sped up and he felt uncomfortable in his clothes. Maybe hugging a stranger was worse than hugging nobody. There’s no way he’d be able to relax enough to get the good vibes flowing. Or maybe you’re not giving it a chance, his brain supplied helpfully. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and leaned against him. Dean had an inch or two on him; they slotted together like puzzle pieces, hip to shoulder.
A few minutes passed, the two men standing awkwardly together in the middle of the room. Dean said nothing, and Cas wasn’t sure what to say. This was a bad idea. A dumb idea. Did I remember to put on deodorant? Cas’s shoulders stayed ramrod straight and he did his best not to breathe damply on Dean’s neck, which was hard to do, with the way Dean had pressed his face into his shoulder.
Another minute passed in silence. Dean shifted his weight slightly. “Um, Cas? Is this working the way you want?”
“Yes, exactly as I pictured it,” Cas lied. He moved his hands hesitantly up Dean’s back to grasp his shoulders. He tried valiantly to relax into the hug, while Dean shifted his weight again.
“Could we, ah, talk? As we … hug?”
“Yes, of course. Just not about politics, or school, or –“
Dean huffed a laugh. “I get it. Nothing stressful. Right.” One of his hands rubbed soothing circles into Cas’ back. If possible, Cas tensed even further. Dean sighed. “Why don’t you tell me why we’re huggin’?” The soothing circles continued.
Clearing his throat, Cas shifted his weight back onto his heels. “The pandemic has been here for a year. I find myself stressed out most days. My schedule only allows for so many runs per week and I’m already eating very healthily. My rental agreement doesn’t allow for a pet,” Cas recited. “Touching another human releases oxytocin, which reduces stress.”
Dean hummed, his hands moving to knead along Cas’ spine. “Don’t you have someone local that you’re close to? Family? A girlfriend? A boyfriend?”
“No, my family’s out West. I’m finishing my fourth year of a demanding program. I tutor students over Zoom and I live alone. My social bubble is very small. Charlie said your bubble is small, as well.” His shoulders relaxed infinitesimally as Dean’s hands continued to rove over his back. Talking distracted him from the weirdness of the situation, and let him enjoy the feeling of touch again.
Dean cleared his throat and swept his hands down Cas’ sides. “Yeah, I was working at Rocky’s before the pandemic but they aren’t open now. Who woulda thought I’d miss checking freshman IDs, right? Or cleaning up a pukey bathroom?”
Huffing a laugh, Cas rested his head more comfortably on Dean’s shoulder. Even through the mask, he could smell Dean’s cologne, and he was positive it would permeate his own clothing. Dean’s presence would linger long after the man himself had left.
“So no special someone?” Dean asked. His hands continued to move, smoothing subtle patterns into Cas’ back and sides.
Cas shook his head. “No. The man I was seeing was doing a term in Scotland, and he decided to stay when the pandemic hit. Long distance didn’t work for us.”
He realized how much of his weight he was resting on Dean when Dean shifted his feet yet again.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –“
“No, Cas, it’s fine, that’s why I’m here, right? Lean on in.”
“Um, this is probably enough, it’s, we – we can move on to your homework if you want.” Cas stepped back reluctantly.
“We’ve only been standing here for like fifteen minutes, Cas, and I’m going to take up way more than that with my Accounting questions. I’m fine. It’s fine.” Dean hauled him back in, tightening his arms and shifting his feet on the carpet.
“What if we sit down?” Cas asked hesitantly, fully aware that Dean had suggested that in the first place. His traitorous arms just weren’t ready to let go of the first person he’d touched in months.
“Sure, no problem. Let’s do this.” Dean’s voice lacked judgement, and when Cas glanced into his eyes, expecting to see I-told-you-so humour, he saw nothing but kindness.
Within moments, the couch springs squeaked angrily as Dean sat down and hauled Cas onto his lap. Cas also squeaked, flailing his arms and trying to move off Dean. Dean grabbed his arms and pulled him against his broad chest. He trapped one arm between their bodies and grasped Cas’ free wrist in his left hand. The right resumed it’s meandering path over Cas’ spine.
“There we go. Relax. I figure an hour for an hour, okay? Fair’s fair,” Dean’s voice brooked no argument.
“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Cas squirmed on Dean’s lap.
“Human touch, you said. Oxy-something? This is the best way for you to get as much touch as possible unless you wanna get horizontal.”
Cas immediately stopped squirming. “No, this is good. This is fine.”
Dean settled back into the couch, stroking from Cas’ nape to his waist. “Do you have an Alexa or something?”
“Yes, over on the table,” Cas responded. “Music?”
“Yeah, music.”
“Alexa, play my favourites list.”
“Playing your favourites list on Spotify.”
A soothing jazz instrumental bled into the living room, making the silence between the two men less awkward. Cas drifted slightly, the gentle motion of Dean’s hand on his back lulling him into a stupor. He jerked slightly when Dean’s fingers splayed across his scalp.
“This ok?” Dean rumbled. He’d dropped his own head to rest against Cas’ crown, but his fingers stilled, awaiting Cas’ response.
“Yeah… yes, that’s fine. It’s quite relaxing. There are –“ Cas swallowed a groan of pleasure behind his mask as Dean’s fingers kneaded his scalp – “there are special sensory neurons at the base of our hair follicles.”
“That so? I thought you were an Accounting major, not Pre-Med.”
“My mother’s a doctor,” Cas slurred. “Dermatology. Skin’s the biggest organ, blah blah,” he muttered. He closed his eyes and splayed his legs out along the length of the couch, settling in more closely against Dean’s chest.
Dean snorted a laugh. “Right. Blah blah.” He squeezed Cas’s thigh and sighed lightly. His other hand slipped almost lazily through Cas’s pandemically-long hair.
It could’ve been minutes or it could’ve been hours later when Cas jerked awake, head still pillowed on Dean’s shoulder.
“Good evening, Sunshine.”
Cas froze, dread filling him. “Oh God, Dean, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He reflexively tried to wipe his mouth, running into his mask. At least he hadn’t drooled on that broad shoulder.
“It’s okay. I guess you really needed some human touch. I don’t mind, but I think my ass is numb and I have to pee.”
Cas blushed furiously and scrambled off Dean’s lap. “Of course, I’m so sorry. The bathroom is just around the corner.”
Dean groaned as he stood, stretching his arms to the ceiling. Various parts of his back cracked and popped. “Be right back.”
Cas ripped off his mask and chugged a glass of water in the kitchen. His hands shook slightly, anxiety pounding his chest. He put his mask back on and dropped his head, leaning against the counter and taking deep breaths.
“Hey, whoa, what’s going on? You okay?” Dean walked right up to him and crowded into his personal space, stroking down Cas’ arms.
“I have Anxiety. I guess that’s probably not a big surprise. I’m sorry I fell asleep on you, that really was not my intent. I don’t even know what time it is, I’m so sorry.” Cas’ hands shook slightly as he gripped the counter.
“Cas, buddy, it’s fine. I fell asleep a bit, too. And I could’ve woken you up. I guess maybe touch therapy worked both ways today, huh?” Dean bent down, trying to catch Cas’ eyes with his own.
Blue met green, and Cas took in another deep breath through damp cotton. “I’m sorry, my Anxiety is acting up more lately, with the lockdowns.”
“It’s fine. No need to apologize for being you. As long as you’re fine. Do you need another hug?” Dean opened his arms and wiggled his eyebrows encouragingly.
Feeling sheepish, Cas closed the distance and hugged Dean back. It did make him feel better, but he stepped back a few moments later.
“Should we get to your homework? What do you need to work on?” He turned towards his dining room table, where he had his own textbooks spread out.
“Nah, Cas. It’s late, I’m gonna head home.” Dean headed for the front door a few steps away.
“It’s what?” Cas looked at the clock, and Dean was right, it was almost ten o’clock. He’d slept, snuggled on Dean’s chest, for three hours!
“I can feel you freaking out from here, Cas. I told you I didn’t mind.” Dean finished lacing his boots and threw his bag over his shoulder. Sure enough, his green eyes were crinkled when he glanced at Cas.
“Next time, we’ll start with the homework though, and then the cuddling, okay? And maybe we’ll get a pizza.”
Cas’ eyes widened. “Next time? You’ll come back?”
Dean laughed. “Yeah, buddy. Cuddles for tutoring, that’s what we agreed. Let’s just consider this one a freebie. I’ll see you around, Cas.” He saluted with two fingers, and closed the door quietly behind himself.
“’til next time,” Cas said softly to an empty room that did, indeed, still smell like Dean.