Chapter Text
It is common knowledge that at some point, everyone becomes predictable. Izaya still has trouble trying to imagine associating that word with Shizuo. But he won't take any chances.
On Thursday, March 10th, he pulls out his phone on the way home from work and dials. The cab driver keeps his eyes on the road but his shoulders shift nervously like he senses what's about to go down.
Shizuo picks up on the second ring, and Izaya vaguely makes a mental note to store this as provocation for some other day. The consistently instantaneous responses from Shizu-chan upon seeing the caller ID might someday be mistaken for overwhelming passion rather than all consuming fury.
"What the fuck do you want?" barks Shizuo.
Izaya starts preparing himself for the role. "I have something to tell you."
"What. Do. You fuckin want."
Izaya shushes him. "Quiet, I need your full attention, Shizu-chan. Promise me no one's around. Is there anyone around? No? Good."
"Fuck you, Izaya! I'm hanging up." The only reason Shizu-chan even keeps his number is because he's shit with technology and Shinra paid some engineer to fix his phone so he can't delete or block the number or refuse calls without messing up the entire operating system. Shizuo spent three hours hunting Shinra before he squealed and offered to give Shizuo two thirds of the money Izaya wired for this unforgivable doing. Then Shinra said it was a win-win and encouraged him to go buy him something nice, maybe a beautiful aluminum bat to bash in Izaya's skull.
When the news reached his ears, Izaya smirked until the expression fixed itself on his face permanently. Shinra sure has a lot of guts to pin something on Izaya and lie to Ikebukuro's monster like that. Izaya's only forgiven him because he's a nice guy. And it's priceless, being able to annoy Shizuo at all times. Win-win indeed.
"Listeeeeeen," Izaya practically whines. "It is so dearly important. What I'm about to say? Is life changing."
"You fucking bet it is! Hang up or I'll change your life to null."
Neither is Shizu-chan clever nor should he keep trying to be, but Izaya will give him one point for the pretty word used at the end. "Fine!" He suddenly says, voice just a hint louder, pitched slightly. "I was just going to say I've liked Shizu-chan for a long time." Pauses, controlled, but not nearly long enough for Shizu-chan to be able to comprehend this through his thick head. Sighs, just a little, with the right intonation and inflection. "Sorry."
He jabs the bright red button and both the call and Shizuo's silence come to an end. Izaya pockets his phone. Makes bets with himself on how many minutes, hours, and days Shizu-chan will take before he really, truly kills Izaya this time. He muses over the old idea of taking that vacation to Tokyo and wondering if Shizu-chan will follow him and keep chasing him there. He doesn't think they've ruined a major city before. It'd be nice, nice and monumental, he thinks. They'd be remembered. The only downside would be it'd be harder to keep doing his job if he gets arrested. But if he could get Shizuo arrested for attempted murder? That would be sweet.
There are possibilities. This should stay interesting for a while.