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Tatsumi will not let himself open the door. Not until he can change the surely awful expression on his face.
He can feel it knitted into a frown that is difficult to shake. There was no reason to be so upset - the doctor had never given him false promises of a miraculous healing but still… It was difficult to hear. It was difficult to think about how he would be the one to hold them back. It was difficult to be the positive influence that can’t even push himself further. It was difficult to open the door to his unit and present such a grim face.
So he fixed a smile on his face and opened the door.
Hiiro and Aira looked up at his entrance. They were seated around the table, huddled around Aira’s phone. A cute little charm hung off it, something for the unit, Fine.
Hiiro smiled unreservedly at him. “Tatsumi-senpai! Welcome back!”
He felt his own smile turn just a bit more genuine at Hiiro’s sincerity. “Hello Hiiro. What are you two looking at over there?”
“Aira is teaching me about ‘fan service’!” He cocked his head to the side with a slight frown. “But mostly I’m just seeing someone from Undead winking.”
“It’s not just someone from Undead! It’s Rei Sakuma, a legend ! He’s one of the revolutionaries, an idol amongst idols~! More than ra~vely!” Aira turned away haughtily. “Even a bumpkin like you should know that!”
“Ah! I think I know him…” His eyes lit up with recognition. “Is he the brother of the one with the peculiar presence?”
“Is that how you’re going to remember him? You’re hopeless…”
Tatsumi felt just a bit lighter from watching their carefree banter but still he interrupted, “Where’s Mayoi-san? Did he go out?”
Aira shrugged. “Not sure.”
“I am not sure either!”
It was a shame. Tatsumi really felt like seeing Mayoi’s face to cheer him up-
Ah, wait, could it be that-?
“You can come out of the ceiling, Mayoi-san.”
He heard a little squeak before Mayoi, lithely, slowly, slithered down, landing gracefully on his feet. He was glad that he had laid out a carpet in that spot since Mayoi seemed quite fond of climbing down from the ceiling from there in particular. Tatsumi wasn't surprised at the smooth landing - Mayoi had established that he was capable of being nimble when needed - but Aira and Hiiro certainly were.
“Mayo-san! Were you there the whole time?” Aira said.
“Uuuuhh… Not the whole time! Just enough to see your videos.” He looked sheepish there, shuffling on that carpet. Maybe he felt cornered, being between Tatsumi and the table.
“Oh, so you were learning about fan service too!” Hiiro laughed. “You could join us at the table instead of acting so suspicious!”
“Gah, such a cute little boy offering me a heartfelt invitation…” Clasping his face, he turned away from them. “It’s too much for scum like me to hear directlyyyyy!”
Tatsumi laughed. “It is good to see your face, Mayoi-san. I missed it.”
I missed you.
He felt so… deflated. Like he could crumple at any moment - what an awful example to Aira and Hiiro who were counting on guidance from the older of the unit…
Mayoi fidgeted, tugging his gloves slightly on and off. “Uh, w-would you like to rest, Tatsumi-san? You’re looking a bit tired…”
Even to him, his smile felt wan. “Yes, I think that would be best…”
Aira gasped. “I didn’t even notice! Sorry Tattsun-senpai!”
“Mm, it’s no problem. Your concern over it now is more than enough kindness that God will surely see and reward~” He focused back on Mayoi. “Would you accompany me? Just until I can rest, if you don’t mind…?”
He nodded fervently and Tatsumi reached forward to hold his hand - and stopped when he saw how he flinched away. Nothing more would make him happy than being able to have Mayoi’s hand in his but… patience. He could go at Mayoi’s pace.
Instead, he drifted over to the bedroom, believing - hoping - that Mayoi would follow him. The soft footsteps behind him assured him that he had and the soft closing of the door assured him again.
With the soft click that let him know that his juniors could no longer see him at his worst, it felt as if his body lost all strength. He crumpled onto the bed, apparently looking pathetic enough to startle Mayoi.
“Tatsumi-san?” He scampered over to him, hovering anxiously above him. The light above him seemed to hit his form like a halo, radiance from every inch of him. Mayoi was no angel but if he had to guess at the form they would take, this would be it. “Are you… Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine I just…” He closed his eyes. “I’m feeling a bit tired from my appointment. Nothing to worry about.”
“But you seem so tired… Please… Don’t be afraid to lay out your troubles.” Even without seeing, Tatsumi knew Mayoi was shrinking back. “So much impertinence from this wicked person - of course you don’t want to speak to me. Please forget I spoke at allll!”
“Fufufu… It’s very fine that you spoke Mayoi-san, very fine indeed. In fact, you’ve even made me happy~♪ It can be…”
Lonely.
“... Difficult handling these sorts of problems.”
“Th-These problems? Could you possibly explain what you mean, Tatsumi-san?”
How long had it been since Tatsumi had truly shared his feelings to someone? It made his tongue feel heavy in his mouth, just the thought of forming the words - he knew there was no shame in it, nothing wrong with it… When it was someone else. Tatsumi was different. He was the saviour, the icon, he was-
Well.
Not anymore.
“Ah well… At times it is God’s will for someone to suffer alone but if He’s sent such wonderful people to be around me, then I suppose sharing the burden is His will too~” He decided on keeping his eyes closed as he spoke. Cowardly maybe but - easier. “My leg is… My leg is still going to cause me issues, issues that are entirely my fault. I would like to see Alkaloid thrive and even help guide those younger idols but how am I to guide anything with such a troublesome self?” A bitter smile crept on his face. “Perhaps a relic such as myself is best forgotten.”
The silence… he could almost drift off in it. Lull himself to sleep with his own shame and helplessness. Until-
A heavy weight landed on him and was Mayoi straddling -? “That’s not true at all!” The shout made his eyes snap open and Mayoi looked so- so- earnest and passionate and- “Your guidance is indispensable, Tatsumi-san! You’re almost a father to Alkaloid at this point… Alkaloid couldn’t function without you!” He planted his hands on either side of Tatsumi’s head and Tatsumi flushed at being pinned in such a way but Mayoi didn’t seem to notice because he continued unabashed, “You’re not a relic! You’re here in the future with us! Don’t leave us behind!”
Was it Mayoi’s unusual persistence or the aggressive positivity that was so unlike him or him being so forward in a way Tatsumi liked more than he knew he would-
But he couldn’t help but laugh.
He could have continued that laughter for days if not for Mayoi going red from the roots of his hair to at least his neck and jolting away.
“Eee- I don’t know what came over me- pinning Tatsumi-san to the bed- I should go crawl away into the darkness-“
“No, no.” Tatsumi sat up and beckoned him over to him. How Mayoi managed to move across rooms so quickly was beyond him. “I think that’s exactly what I needed, Mayoi-san. Seeing your face was already enough to pick me up so I didn’t account for your words too… I am truly blessed~♪”
He hid his face with his hands. “B-B-But that must have been so uncomfortable and scary-“
“I would quite like it if you did it again, actually.”
“You’re teasing meee!”
“No, I’m quite serious.” Again, he beckoned him over. “Come back here? Please?”
Mayoi looked warily at him but relented and slithered over. Again, he hovered at the edge of the bed but that wasn’t enough for Tatsumi.
He shifted to make space for him on the bed. “I feel that I would sleep much better by your side… Could you join me?”
Mayoi hesitated but slunk into bed beside him. Tatsumi noticed the space between them but he wouldn’t press him on it.
Instead, he turned to him, eyes wide open so he could see every little change in his beloved face. “What you said is very important to me Mayoi-san. I have been a saviour and done my best but that…” The coldness. The uncomfortable pedestal he had to contend with sitting on. Followers that worshipped him but followers were not friends. “Can get extremely lonely.” He hopes Mayoi can feel it, feel the sincerity and sheer relief in his smile. “I’m glad I can be with you Mayoi-san. You make me feel so blessed~”
Mayoi’s eyes flicked downwards. “... You say the strangest things Tatsumi-san. You even think a creature like me is a blessing … but because I’m something disgusting that scuttles in the dark, I can follow in your shadow and make sure you’re never alone.”
“Fufufu, are you promising to never leave me, Mayoi-san?”
“M-Maybe? Unless you want me to disappear forever!”
“No, you by my side is just fine, Mayoi-san.” He closed his eyes, satisfied. “And I don’t mean in my shadow. Next to me on that glimmering stage and on this bed is where I want you.”
He felt his consciousness drifting. There was no more comfortable place to be and the day had been hard. The rest would come easy. But just before he let go completely-
“Then I can try to do that too.” It was a whisper, like a guilty confession that Tatsumi could almost blame his wishful brain on imagining as he merged with dreams… but the new grip on his hand couldn’t be fabricated. This was real.
Mayoi had chosen to take his hand and close that gap. When he rubbed his thumb over the back of it lovingly, he didn’t pull away but instead, Tatsumi was sure he felt his grip tighten. And as Tatsumi fell asleep, he revelled in not just the feeling of no longer being alone but the feeling of being with Mayoi .