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It was a good question to ask exactly how did things get this way.
Jiang Cheng guessed it was because for once when he found the walls caving in like they always did, he wasn't strong enough, wasn't brave enough to deal with it. After reconciling with his sworn brother, Wei Wuxian had greeted him back with open arms when he arrived in Cloud Recesses for his comfortably long stay.
His world had always been transparent but it tainted itself in a vivid display of crimson red when the death of his close ones arrived earlier and in a cruel form, neither of which they deserved.
To think of all the people he had lost.
Maybe, it was that walk down the memory lane that hit so deep that he just took off running.
It was childish.
It was stupid.
But fuck it, he couldn't bear it anymore. Hell, even his heart couldn't deal with it, the same heart that had been rumoured to have been carved out from a stone.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Jiang Cheng felt the twigs snap under his feet as he sped through the trees, the silent storm inside him brew steam outwards resulting in water brimming his eyes. He could feel wedged breaths and a scream lodged in some part of his chest but he couldn't, for the life of him, let it out.
It's a cage, his mind sadistically grinned, a cage of walls.
You're a failure is what you are.
"Shut up." He croaked out, despair twirling in with his words.
You couldn't save anyone, you were always inferior.
"I said shut up."
You thought you were capable and you couldn't even please your own father.
"I said shut up!" He screamed in the hollow woods and even in the knell of his grief, his senses were just as sharp. They perked up to gentle footfalls before he realised where he was, not knowing any better, Jiang Cheng rolled himself quietly behind a tree.
He heard a flourish of robes and the crisp of grasses.
Shit. Someone's here?
Of course, it was just his lot, wasn't it? Couldn't he be given at least one moment of peace? Just a brief lick of solitude?
"Is someone here?" The gentle voice called out and he was almost tempted to reply: 'No, there's no one here, kindly fuck off please.' but checked himself before he gave away his location.
"If you are and you do not wish to give your location away, I must say that I will relinquish any right of attempting to know your identity." It said as Jiang Cheng furrowed his brows in a roll of question marks.
"But you sound like you're in pain." It started and the purple-robed man couldn't help but stiffen at the truth; he was ready to accept that when he was alone, not when he clearly had a spectator. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"
In the future days that would come by, the question of what made him do that would, Jiang Cheng assumed, forever haunt him because if he was in his right senses he would never, never ask for help the way he did. Maybe it was the sincerity in the person's voice and the fact that Jiang Cheng could tell fair from the foul.
Or maybe he was just tired, it kinda played tricks on his mind when he was tired.
"Could you listen?" He asked more to himself than the stranger, almost hoping the person hadn't caught it as he continued, "You don't have to say a word."
"I understand." Came the tone in clarity of powder blue skies. "I won't utter a word."
"Swear to me."
"I promise." The voice said solemnly and whatever inhibitions he had dissipated as he threw caution in the air.
And since neither wished to disclose their identity, Jiang Cheng drew out a talisman before throwing it to the ground from behind the tree. Where it landed, a temporary and transient wall was created between him and the person.
The wall between them was made of water but he couldn't see what was on the other side and it was the same elsewhere.
"Only heaven and earth would know." He said as though it wasn't already clear to the person on the other side who must have smiled because the waters changed to a hazy shade of canary yellow.
"Alright then." The voice said before hesitating for a moment. "But, If you should know, I'm listening."
And that's how it started.
|- - - -|
Lan Xichen had been seclusion for three years and he hadn't been planning on coming out of it anytime soon.
But it was a scream that brought him out of his meditation and for God's sake, it wasn't even the length of the sound wave that brought him out of his cave. It was the pain rippling in the voice that battered his will to stay put.
Well, altruism had always been an inherent instinct in him. So before he could think of destroying any fortitude to move, he was already up to his feet and upon the grass, searching for any trace of blood, searching for the person who was in pain that percase, mirrored his own.
But when he didn't find anyone, he wondered if he was finally spiraling down the hole of madness. As if in immediate defiance to his thoughts, a shrub near a tree shook subtly and then he called out to them.
He hadn't expected the person to take his word for it and that made him wonder what kind of pain made this person to writhe in desperation. And of course, he was willing to help with expectation of nothing in return.
Lan Xichen felt the voice of the stranger from the other side whirl from a tempestuous storm to a gust of wind and then a cry for help. He told him things, that he didn't understand why he wanted to better than everyone in the room.
Why, for even once, he couldn't just give up and give in?
How tiring it could be to try and try and never succeed only to watch people he loved disappear like winter ashes; remainders of flames snuffed away from him.
Reminders of the warmth that went astray, the ones that got away.
"Are y-you listening?" The stranger asked him, his words hoarse and loose of some bite that had disappeared in distress.
"Yes, I'm here for you."
A sniff later, a thank you was uttered in the airs and the wall of waters came down, Lan Xichen looked at the empty space before and around him, like there was no one there but he knew, he felt the absence of lotus scented air.
Well, he could handle this.
He could handle not being an advisor for once and he was glad because otherwise everything that sounded like 'let it go, it'll be alright.' or 'it's not your fault, please hold on.' would be very hypocritical of him to say.
Because he couldn't believe in those words himself.
Jin Guangyao's memories haunted his mind like a ghost of the past and almost on command, everything came back like—
"Yes! You said so. But did I act?!”
He flinched at the loud exclamation that struck a core of his heart and he feared it would never leave him. But he did deserve that, didn't he? After all his fault, had he not been so blind, such an idiot, he could have prevented and, dare he even think, saved him from the evil that had coursed into his sworn brother's life.
He just wanted him to be happy, he had never wanted to—
“But I’ve never even thought of harming you!”
And he remembered being pushed away from the man who wished to die together with him. Every moment spent with Jin Guangyao melted and soaked itself in blood, tears and nothing but sheer betrayal.
They ran down in a river, a river that would drown him in the end and perhaps, death would be more merciful.
Perhaps.
|- - - -|
When Lan Xichen came out again the other day, he was certainly surprised to see the wall of waters made again.
He hadn't thought the person would return but nevertheless had made his path to walk down to check just in case. He sat down calmly on the grass and the other side and it seemed like they were more controlled today.
"I'm sorry."
Lan Xichen raised his head at the wall in question.
"I must have just dumped all my fucking problems on you and that was unfair on you."
The eldest of the Twin Jades tried not to inwardly wince at the rotten word as he spoke softly. "It's alright."
"How is it alright? You don't know me then why the hell did you bear with my nonsense?" The voice roughly demanded and the waters of the wall turned to dark mulberry shades of purple.
"Courtesy?" Lan Xichen tried to say it in a neutral tone but it really sounded like he had his doubts. "You were in pain and you needed someone to listen to you, therefore—
"Shut up."
And he sounded vaguely familiar but three years drenched in regret had slowed Lan Xichen's memory to a curve instead of a sharp slate that it used to be.
"Thank you for listening to me anyhow."
"You're welcome to talk anytime."
"Hmph."
And the colours of the walls diluted to lavender and Lan Xichen found the first hints of amusement dyeing his thoughts.
|- - - -|
It took five more days for Jiang Cheng to realise exactly how deep the waters of his regrets ran. He hadn't even known this feeling of lightness in a long time.
In fact, it wasn't even him who realised it first, it was Wei Ying who had pointed out that his frown wasn't as deeply set as it used to be; "You look better these days. Gusu seems to have done some good to you." Which did make him frown more deeply at his brother but he didn't reject his remark.
One look at his reflection in the mirrors, which were scarce in the Lan Sect because apparently Narcissism was prohibited, and his face seemed to be more relaxed.
He slipped out secretly again, without Wei Wuxian noticing which mind you wasn't an easy task but thankfully because the latter had Lan Wangji around, naturally, his attention went more towards his husband.
Something which still baffled Jiang Cheng but he wasn't about to question it.
"Are you listening?" He called out, uncertain.
"I'm here for you." The voice said in its usual reply.
They were silent for a long time as Jiang Cheng watched the skies painted in feeble azure, clouds in fragments as the silence of the stranger's presence calmed Jiang Cheng down. He took a deep breath and lowered himself to the ground as a question made way to his mind.
"You know what's the worst day of loving people?"
Lan Xichen turned his head to the wall before answering: "The day one loses them."
At which Jiang Cheng sat upright on the other side, he had been thinking of his A-Jie and Wei Wuxian when he was thinking of that but the response of the stranger made him wonder.
"Have you lost someone you loved?"
Lan Xichen stopped all movements as his mind processed that question. "Yes."
"Did it break you?"
Like the way it broke me was left unsaid in the air.
"Probably." Lan Xichen answered, sitting on a tall rock as he considered his state. "Broken mirrors often don't know to what extent they can be damaged."
"True." Jiang Cheng said in as a matter-of-factly tone. "But broken mirrors reflect the best."
"Beg pardon?"
"In the Yunmeng Jiang sect, for the night of the full moon, mirrors are broken and kept on the floor, it's called the event of Yuèliàng liánhuā." Jiang Cheng said as he smiled, recalling how beautiful they looked. "When moonlight seeps in, the mirrors reflect to the form of a lotus."
Lan Xichen took in the information as it rowed flutters within himself. The thought had been a beautiful one, no doubt it was Jiang Chi who had started the tradition for he had heard that the founder of the Yunmeng Jiang sect had been quite fond of admiring the moon at nightfall.
"That is a wonderful way to put it, you have a way with words—
"I do not." Jiang Cheng snorted. "I can play with words as much as I can fly to the heavens and back by which, I mean none at all."
Lan Xichen, for the first time but clearly not the last thought of how the stranger looked like. "Are you from the Jiang Yunmeng sect?"
"Uhh yes, kind of." Jiang Cheng said and almost felt like tapping his head hard against the bark of a tree. What kind of an answer was that? Was this how his brother felt all the time?
"How is your sect leader?" Lan Xichen asked, wondering how fared the health of the man who had in, short sight, shared the same fate as himself.
"He's doing. . .good?" Jiang Cheng said, thinking among the lines of how odd it was to be indirectly asked of his own health. "He's reconciled with his brother and he's been staying in Gusu for some time."
"That's relieving to hear." Lan Xichen replied, remembering. "The ordeal must have left marks on him."
"It did."
"Do you. . ." He trailed off before anonymity gave him a boost to form a coherent sentence. "Do you know how he overcame it?"
"He didn't." Jiang Cheng said with a short laugh. "He'd try to channel his hurt to anger and that he'd lash it out on everyone else. Every scar he thought he could hide was right there on public display."
There was no reply from the other side so he continued.
"It took him some time to realise how lost he was." Jiang Cheng fiddled with the hem of his robe. "And it's that kind of thing, where one lets the past dictate and faith abandoned him so then you feel like nothing can reach past the walls you've made yourself."
Lan Xichen inhaled sharply as he lifted his gaze to the chambray blue waters. "He's not a bad person, just someone who has suffered for too long."
Jiang Cheng gave a half-smile to himself. "Like you?"
And by the time, it took for a response to sound, he almost thought the stranger didn't hear him as the colours of the wall changed to a waltzing smear of grey.
But the voice came again, agreeing. "Like me."
|- - - -|
Lan Xichen did not immediately pour it all out.
It took him a great deal of time to even think about it.
Yet, when one day when silence roamed between him and this stranger; this stranger who he didn't know, who ended up being a companion of sorts to him, much more than the quietness that floated in the mountain air or the thumping of regrets that came as nightmares to take him as a prisoner.
In fact, he didn't even know the words had flown past his lips until they had reached the other side.
"I thought I knew him."
Jiang Cheng's head perked up as his eyes rolled to the wall now being dominated by crushing manacles of black.
"I'm listening." He said, knowing that was enough for the stranger on the other side.
"I thought I knew him well, he was. . .he was—" He broke down in sobs and the cry went straight to Jiang Cheng's heart; he was almost tempted to let the wall down.
"He's gone and it's my fault. It's all my fault. I wish I had, I just. . . ." Lan Xichen dropped his head to his hands, his heart thrashing in his chest like it was trying to fight its way out.
"Can . . . you just tell me. . what on earth am I supposed to do?" He said though it might have been begging as ghostly mewls leaving his lungs.
Jiang Cheng had never been on the end of giving comfort so it just brought one question to him: What can I say to make it better for him? He stared at the grass around him and he ransacked his mind for an answer.
Tell him the truth, said a voice in his truth.
"You made a mistake; it's alright."
"And others were hurt because of it!" Lan Xichen shot back, the touch of his words were soft but it lacked the gentleness that Jiang Cheng had somehow gotten used to.
"That's generally what happens when people make mistakes." He averred, calmly. " We make mistakes, people suffer because of it, that's life, that's the way it's always been."
"But—
"And what about yourself? Are you not hurt?"
Lan Xichen found himself at a loss of words as he regarded the question. "I am."
"Then that's because you're human, you never meant to make them bleed." Jiang Cheng concluded as he looked at his own hands, the same ones that held the ones he loved and had lost. "It's alright. You reserve the right to happiness and peace."
"I don't deserve it."
"You do."
"You don't know what I've done." Lan Xichen said, turning away from the waters that had been lava grey too long.
"That may be so." Jiang Cheng countered in hushed tones. "You lie awake in the night to rid yourself from the nightmares, blaming yourself for what you thought you could control. That, I'm familiar with it, believe me."
Lan Xichen slowly spun to the stranger on the other side, the wall in its place for the prevention of sight.
"I miss them, it hurts." He whimpered, a tear trailing down his cheek. "They're gone."
"And they're never coming back." Jiang Cheng said as their heart agreed in silence.
"There's no rest in this world."
Which was countered by: "Not if you allow it."
A restrained gasp later, "What do you do when faced with such pain?"
"Pick up your broken shards and start again." Jiang Cheng answered, honestly.
"How?"
The ring on his right finger gleamed at him and he felt his mother's hand on his shoulder, he closed his eyes. "You let it go."
Lan Xichen fell to his knees, feeling the weight grown on his shoulders but it hasn't been as sharp as before.
He let a sigh pass through his lips. "I'm tired."
"I understand." Jiang Cheng said as he removed another talisman before placing it on the wall of water, letting his energy manifest as he focused on the talisman before touching the waters.
On the other side as Lan Xichen knelt on the ground, his pulse beating faintly in his ears and an aching his heart that refused to retreat. Suddenly, an object came out from the wall of waters, taking in the shape of a closed lotus, it settled in the air in front of him as Lan Xichen's hand twitched to touch it.
"You're tired and you've lost the will to fight against the pain that demands to be felt." Jiang Cheng continued as Lan Xichen let his shoulders loose, a little smidgen of air passing through. "But you're not alone. I've been here the whole time, listening to you."
The lotus hued itself in pale moonlit white with pastel pink fringed on the edges of its petal, blossoming into a harmonious reminder of honour.
"Thank you." He bit out and Jiang Cheng softened his eyes at the wall as Lan Xichen repeated it profusely.
"Thank you so much."
|- - - -|
The next time he went, Jiang Cheng thought it was sensible to bring alcohol. For what reason? He didn't know, perhaps, it was the childish want of being rebellious and where else does one feel satisfied with breaking the rules if not within the Gusu Lan Sect?
Jiang Cheng frowned at the thought as he sat on the other side of the wall.
That had sounded dangerously like a mini Wei Wuxian in his head.
"I brought alcohol." He confessed as he opened one Emperor's jar with no hesitance whatsoever.
"Alcohol is prohibited—
"Hush now, it's for me because obviously since you're from the Lan Sect have no hold on your liquor."
Lan Xichen cocked his head slightly to the side, questioning if that was a veiled insult or a challenge. And he supposed it was stupid of him but wasn't it night time? Just how many rules was this student breaking?
"You might get caught when going back since you're breaking so many—
"I said hush, didn't I?" Jiang Cheng snapped. "Jeez, you sound like Lan Wangji or even Lan Xichen."
And very unwittingly came the question: "Lan Xichen? You have met him?"
"Yeah, well, he's sect leader after all." Jiang Cheng said, delighting over the flow of alcohol which made him feel content. "I wonder how he's doing now though, heard he was in seclusion and all."
Lan Xichen kept quiet as he listened to his companion talk, it was soothing and strangely therapeutic.
He spoke about so many things that would earn noises of surprise like his love for swimming when it was thundering and then the wall of waters glittered in starry blue lights.
"—but I kinda really love dogs." Jiang Cheng slurred out as he hugged the jar to his chest. "They are like these perfect rays of sunshine, don't you think so?"
"I do—
"And you know who else is a ray of sunshine?" Jiang Cheng asked, piss drunk.
"Who?" Lan Xichen asked, humouring him.
"Me. I'm the ray of sunshine."
A laugh overcame the elder Lan of the Twin Jades before he smiled broadly at the wall that seared in dreamy pink.
"Of course." He said, trying to hide any liking to the man on the right side of the wall.
"You laughed. Yay." Jiang Cheng giggled in a way which otherwise he wouldn't be caught dead doing. "I made you laugh."
Which simply drew another light-hearted chuckle from the man on the other side and it made his stupid, little heart skip a beat.
"You sound nice laughing." He complimented as Lan Xichen pondered if it was one. "Thank you?" He said/questioned nonetheless.
"You're so courteous." Jiang Cheng complained with a pout. "You remind me so much of Zewu-jun, you know?"
"What was he like to you?" Lan Xichen asked, more out of curiosity because he was sure he didn't know the man but it didn't seem to ring a familiar tune otherwise.
"Courteous." He said, puffing his cheeks up. "But he was also so—
Stupid. Calm. Gullible. Silly.
"—so cute."
What? Lan Xichen thought, raising a brow because that was nowhere near the list of words he had expected.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Yeah, don't you get it?" Jiang Cheng asked, defensively. "He is so cute, like-like this precious little bundle of moonlight."
And that statement just led to more confusion to Lan Xichen who had question marks painted all over his face.
"He should've been protected from everything that happened to him, you know." Jiang Cheng said, pliantly and the waters that had been swarming in honey tints to chalky sable. "He, of all people, didn't deserve anything that harsh."
Lan Xichen didn't say a word as he peered over the stellar skies. He fidgeted with his long sleeves as he mulled over the statement, a disheartening feeling struck out as he contemplated those dark thoughts of his, perhaps, in an offence to the stranger's remarks, he really was—
"This won't do." The voice declared from the other side, interrupting his flow of thought suddenly. "Let us pray for two minutes in silence for Lan Xichen's healing."
Huh? What? No, that would—
"Come on. Pray."
Following the voice, he almost quickly got into position but still, Lan Xichen found the idea beyond absurd as he waited for the other to finish praying for himself and now, that he put into words, it somehow sounded even more absurd.
But when two minutes turned into several minutes and he didn't hear a peep from the other side, he simply blinked in puzzlement.
"Are you. . "
And then he heard light snores fluttering in the air which managed to streel a small chortle from him.
It had been a nice night.
|- - - -|
"Hey, I didn't do anything weird last night, right?"
". . .nothing at all."
"Oh, good. Alright then."
|- - - -|
He's angry. Lan Xichen thought as the waters waved in burning red with licks of tiger orange.
"Is something wrong?"
"What is right to begin with?" Jiang Cheng growled, sitting while crossing his arms as he glared at the calm Aegean blues polishing the wall.
"What's troubling you?"
"I want to set fire to Yao Sect and dance on its remnants."
Lan Xichen didn't know if he was serious or not but it did pique his interest: "What happened?"
Oh and he told all about it, the grain and trade agreement the two sects of Yunmeng Jiang and Yao. And how pathetically Sect leader Yao disregarded it like it was easy enough to through it in a wastepaper basket.
"—Maybe, there's a way around this." Lan Xichen said because well, it was Lan Xichen. "Maybe, you could—
"I want to burn it down. Ashes. Ashes are all."
Lan Xichen wiped a bead of sweat on his forehead. Well, Sect leader Yao could be a little difficult but Lan Huan was sure that if one tried placating him then a point of consensus could be reached.
"What does Sect leader Jiang Cheng think about this?" He asked, hoping that the fierce man would at least be less volatile in comparison—
"Oh, he's seriously considering murder is what he's thinking." The voice stated, there was no jest in it and Lan Xichen couldn't help but sigh inwardly.
"Perhaps, you should confront the Yao sect leader." He tried again which really was more out of fear for the intra-sect clash and tension that might come about.
"Yes, with weapons." The other man uttered.
Lan Xichen took another deep breath before approaching the wall.
"Listen to me now," He placated, aiming to subdue. "Perhaps, there's a misunderstanding. Maybe, this is a sign that there's something you have to look into. Taking hasty actions, now, would result in unwanted future consequences."
Jiang Cheng dug his stare deep into the waters gyrating in light fawn and earthen brown. His lips twitched, knowing (and hating) that the man was talking sense to which he responded with a 'Hmph.'
And a few days later, it turned out there was a misunderstanding, the letters had been posted to the wrong person and it really was no one's fault except for the one in charge of distributing the letters.
"Hmm." said Lan Xichen with a smile when he heard it.
"Shut up."
"I didn't say anything." He said, neutrally as he hid his smile.
Jiang Cheng made a sarcastic noise. "I can hear your I told you so from seven mountains away."
"I am not being smug."
"And I'm the incarnate of a Snake goddess."
Lan Xichen smiled fondly. "Are you now?"
"Don't push your luck." Jiang Cheng warned with no vitriol in his voice. "I'll put the wall down and pin you to a crushing defeat in a fight."
"I don't doubt it at all." Lan Xichen said in a voice which made Jiang Cheng think that he did doubt it very much and a vein popped out from the side of his head but he shrugged it off and proceeded in favor of asking how the other man's day went.
|- - - -|
It took him some time to realise but in Jiang Cheng's defence, he had always been an airhead in matters of the heart. So very subtly and one cannot emphasize how subtle he was when he asked Wei Wuxian why one's heart beats too quickly?
"When they see food or a person?" His brother asked, genuinely interested.
Which was received by Jiang Cheng with a loud facepalm who then answered in favour of the latter.
"Oooohh nice, and who's this person? When can I meet them?"
"Shut up and answer me."
Wei Wuxian grinned in a way that had always reserved the image of chaotic evil in Jiang Cheng's memory so it was quite in place when his riposte blared the same.
"You are falling in," Wei Wuxian made a shape of a heart with his hands. "LOVE."
It might have been how stupid Wei Wuxian made it sound that made it easy for Jiang Cheng to out rightly reject the reply or the fact that it rang true in the cage he had put his affections in.
Love?
What on earth?
No, certainly not.
How could he, of all people—
He didn't even know the person.
He couldn't have blindly fallen in love right? No, that was ridiculous, this other person was just a companion, someone who was listening to him, that it right?
"You're awfully quiet today."
He shook himself out of his dilemma. Jiang Cheng looked up at the wall, feeling the need to hear a bit more of the voice that could have wagered on a heartbeat of his which he would happily sacrifice.
"Can I listen to you today instead?"
And that day, he fell asleep in his room to soft voices, sweet clouds and ancient scrolls from a burning library.
|- - - -|
The next time Jiang Cheng brought alcohol and it was with the intention of making them both drunk.
"These are sect rules—
"Please, rules are made to be broken."
Lan Xichen, for once, let his jaw unhinge with disbelief. "Is that what you say to yourself every time you break a rule?"
"Mostly." Jiang Cheng replied as he let an Emperor's smile roll from one side to another. "Come on, humour me once."
"I will absolutely not—
One-fourth of a jar later,
"Do you know I once accidentally had a turtle as a pet?"
"Really?" Jiang Cheng asked, affectionately. "And then?"
"My uncle took it away." Lan Xichen said, plopping his head down on the grass with 'huff'; a pout placed itself on his lips. "He told me I was forbidden from having a pet."
"That is so cruel. I will beat your uncle up." Jiang Cheng proclaimed on wobbly feet. "And I will get you seven hundred turtles."
"You will?" Lan Xichen asked, his childhood dream working into reality as he assigned the role of his knight in shining armour to Jiang Cheng who replied in positive. "I'm glad I found you."
The sentence single-handedly prodded Jiang Cheng into a moderate mind and looked at the wall with a yearning he didn't want to recognise.
"Hey."
"Mhmm."
"Can you come a bit closer I want to try something out if you don't mind?"
Lan Xichen felt his sobriety dawn a little heavily as he recognised the seriousness in the other man's voice. On frail feet with a balance rockier than the mountain he was in, Lan Huan stumbled to the wall made of water.
He glanced at the walls winding into a blush of light coral and then a bold red of passion.
"Your hand." The voice softly asked of him.
In sync, they raised their hands to touch either side of the wall, drenching their palms in the cold liquid as their hands met mid-way.
And all hopes of disregarding his brother's words were in the dumps as Lan Xichen released a sigh of satisfaction that tightened Jiang Cheng's chest.
"Your hand is cold." He muttered as he pulled Jiang Cheng's hand to his side and it was only war reflexes that made the latter stand firm on his feet.
Lan Xichen proceeded to dab his hand with his sleeve with diligence before rubbing them with own to warm them. Jiang Cheng found it surprising that his dear heart hadn't jumped out its cold, stone exterior to run by the time.
And he had been secretly glad to have removed his ring in favour of keeping it in his pocket instead.
"Your hands are beautiful." He said as Jiang Cheng felt him smile in his words and the stars led the heavens to witness them.
"Thank you so much for all that you've done for me," Lan Huan said, holding his hand near his forehead and Jiang Wanyin felt drops of hot liquid hit his skin.
"Listen to my voice." He said as his hand cupped Lan Xichen's cheek, wiping away those tears with his thumb. "If I had a choice to do it again, I would. Besides, you'd do the same."
Lan Xichen's only response was leaning more into his hand and Jiang Cheng realised how lucky he was to have a person who listened to him.
He didn't know what this was, apart from how precious it was.
If love was the name that descended upon this then what a glorious thing it was indeed.
The leaves rustled as a hasty wind blew over them from an alone place in the woods and the birds sung in rivers of hope and peace that their hearts danced to until sleep found them in solace.
And neither of them realised that the waters on both sides of the wall had immersed itself in blue satins wrapped around jagged rays of purple.
Lan Xichen woke up first, with and a content sigh trailing off but he felt his clothes dirty, muddied by soil and wisps of grass. His gentle and dark eyes sought out where he was, Liebing and Shuoyue still strapped to his sides.
Regaining a bit more of control, he looked down at his hand that had been closely entwined to another which he was sure he didn't possess.
What. . .?
And then he remembered what had transpired. Unlike his brother, Lan Xichen possessed a reputable memory with a stronger foundation which could have been attributed to the teachings of his father that he had imbibed much quicker.
Now that he was sober, Lan Xichen turned to examine the long, rough fingers that had interweaved around his own. The owner of the hand was still asleep if the balanced breathing with no hint of movement in the air.
Lan Xichen felt his conscious dip though he could swear he was sober just a moment ago. His headband seemed to have come loose for it laced its way around their hands, keeping them fastly woven.
Had he done that last night?
Lan Huan swallowed hard at the notion of what that might have been but a scanty graze of a thumb from the stranger jerked a breath away from his lungs. A bittersweet taste pervaded through the fine ivory barriers around his heart that he had so carefully built during his seclusion.
"But you're not alone. I've been here the whole time, listening to you." was what led the siege of it all and he couldn't help his bare self in front of this stranger who he knew not.
Lan Wangji had once described to him what it felt like to fall in love, sometimes it was quiet, sometimes it was painful.
Sometimes, it ripped your heart out to heal and mend before placing it back into your chest.
Forgive me, Lan Xichen thought to the stranger and those watching them. He knew what he was about to do was in no means respectful but his headband had been withdrawn and with it came down all walls that spoke of restraints.
The bliss of the sun rays peeping out from the tree branches and the chiming of the mountain breeze encouraged him and Lan Xichen brought the stranger's hand tenderly to his own
He kissed it ever so gently, letting the lips linger on the worn-out knuckles of the hand that had put his heart together.
He took the feeling for as long as he could, the scent of lotus fluttering into his systems and Lan Xichen knew he could see without eyes.
It was a channel of voices which he could listen to for years to age;
It was a canvas of colours, brightly guiding him to a better place.
Lan Xichen took the memory, concealing it under the warps of his precious moments that would never fade with time.
Until the wonders that would fail to cease, he'd keep it closer than most.
|- - - -|
"You're happier."
And to Jiang Cheng's surprise, it wasn't even Wei Wuxian who said that.
He stared up at Lan Wangji with astonishment that the man had even struck a conversation with him, let alone said that.
As if Lan Zhan's eyes softened its glaciers, he stated: "It's a good thing."
It left Jiang Cheng to think about Zewu-Jun who had remained in strict isolation. He hoped the sect leader would recover quickly for his own sake and of those who loved and cherished him.
Speaking of which, his stranger friend who saw him every day seemed to be growing better. Jiang Cheng could hear the healing in his voice and it must have healed himself a bit more. And he had never even seen his face, just his voice and the colour of the walls.
Only that.
Was it for the better that the stranger didn't know him? Or his feelings? It should be, right? Best for the both of them if he ended this now before it digs deeper than just a pit. To Jiang Cheng, it seemed reasonable for the misfortune that his fate generally possessed to repeat even in the one he fell for.
Love was never his to take and cherish, was it?
The stranger most likely wouldn't care, it had been only a few months, he would certainly forget him by the same time, next year.
And Jiang Cheng would remember him every single day of his life.
The Zidian crackled in dismay as it felt its master slip and he couldn't help but flinch at old tradition life had followed.
Perhaps, there is a chance, perhaps, there is a possibility, said a more sanguine part of his head. What if the stranger felt for him as he did for him? What if the riddle of love would not elude him to affliction? What if indeed, he could be happier?
Jiang Cheng scoffed at the thought but it lacked the certain gnaw that came with it.
That would not happen.
Because for fuck's sake, this was him, happiness didn't regularly find its way back to him.
Plus, he had accepted it.
This was his road of misery to walk after all.
Yet, when he saw Wei Wuxian on Lan Wangji's lap during dinner, quiet gestures of love being exchanged in smooth touches, a part of him practically showed its teeth to him saying: You'll never have that.
He had been reeling in his thoughts and own self that he almost didn't hear Wei Wuxian call out to him and it was only on his third time that the latter caught Jiang Cheng's undivided attention.
"What?"
"Jeez, I've been calling you since the beginning of time." Wei Wuxian said, pouting at his brother, more concerned than curious. "Is everything alright?'
"As it could be." Jiang Cheng replied and it made Lan Zhan and his husband exchange looks.
"Well, either way, I'm sad that you're going away so quickly." Wei Ying told him with his lips pressed against each other. "I'll miss you, A-Cheng."
Going away? Jiang Cheng frowned before he realised, he was leaving the day after tomorrow with all the other disciples who had come to study from the Yunmeng Jiang sect. Oh God, had time run out so swiftly? Which meant that his time with the stranger was coming to an end. He could've used a warning or so but of what use would that be?
Wouldn't be better to make as much use as of the little time and whisk away the last image of true happiness and home he would ever feel?
Of course, it was more reasonable this way. It surely was. Besides, he was a sect leader, he had a lot of responsibilities. He had a nephew to take care of and who knows what kind of trouble that little minx had stirred up during his absence?
Yes, it was certainly better to move on. It was time to leave after all, right?
So.
If that was the case.
Just. . . just why did it sound like he was saying that to himself to convince his stone-carved heart?
He didn't let the thoughts of tomorrow ruin his present and that's what he held himself to when he reached their usual spot the afternoon.
"Hey."
"Mhmm." said the other voice with the walls turning to a teal emitting elegance.
"You seem better." Jiang Cheng said, silently heading to the boundary of water separating him from this other person.
"I am." Lan Xichen beamed lightly with an airy voice. "How are you faring this afternoon?"
Terrible. Miserable. Heartbroken with the knowledge I could never have you and—
"Just fine." He responded as Lan Xichen frowned at the pitch-black form that the wall had taken, churning with a hint of blues as well.
But it wasn't the colours that alarmed him, it was the voice that seemed to have been crestfallen that truly caused panic in him.
"You don't sound just fine." Lan Xichen said, lines forming on his forehead. "I am listening to you. What is the matter?"
Jiang Cheng hardly managed to stuff the howl that almost tore his soul apart. He nodded to himself, catching breaths like the seeds of a dandelion blown away, he could do this. He could most definitely do this.
"I am just happy." Jiang Cheng forced a smile upon his lips. It was for the better, he didn't want their last conversation to be like this.
The last memory of the stranger should be preserved in exquisite chambers of his mind that he would never reach out to until it was too late in the night to be strong. Then and only then would Jiang Cheng allow himself to recall the memories that would give him will.
To live on or to break? He would never know.
"Tell me," Jiang Cheng continued with tears relentlessly sauntering down his cheek. "Of the times you were completely bare to love for just this night. Please? I'll listen to whatever you give me for as long as I can."
Lan Xichen felt his heart ache as the soul on the other side had his abraded, both to the dust of love.
"As you wish." He said nonetheless, albeit a little disappointed for Lan Xichen wished to confess his feelings that night but that could wait. Indeed, He rationalised against his instinct, I can always tell him of my hearts wishes tomorrow, it's not as if he's leaving.
And although every fibre of his body asked him to announce it, he refused it in partiality to the need to make the dear stranger on the other side feeling better than fine.
"—It's how my father treasured mother regardless of the rottenness that led their union, it makes me more open to the crevices of love." Lan Xichen said, eyes mellow at how far-reaching love could be. "It baffled my uncle but I suppose that's what love does, doesn't it? Presents the impossible only to conquer it."
And then Lan Huan blinked at how he had watered it all down. "I'm sorry, I got ahead of myself."
"Don't be. There are few people who love openly in this world."
Lan Xichen paused. "I sound like a hopeless romantic, don't I?"
"That's alright." Jiang Cheng said, wondering if he should voice out the list of thoughts that came to his mind but he settled on only one. "You sound beautiful."
Blushing had never been a phenomenon he had felt on a regular but the compliment dusted Lan Xichen's cheeks to colours so lovely that it would put a rose to shame. And he understood why that was, the stranger never knew him in any means but that of voice.
And for that moment, the compliment sounded unconditional.
The days had begun to seem happier, his nightmares hadn't reduced but voice and colour infused his strength and he felt he could battle them on his own. Shouyue didn't shake so much as it used to when it was held by him anymore and he didn't either.
All because he had a stranger who listened.
"I need to leave now." Jiang Cheng drew out, hoping to the heavens and earth that they were the only ones who could witness this parting and the depth of his own pain. "Thank you so much for your time and patience."
"Likewise. Please take care." Lan Xichen said, desiring for tomorrow to come on prompt chariot wheels. "I'll hear from you tomorrow."
To which Jiang Cheng offered only silence as he grit his teeth and they parted from each other. With the mettle of his mother's coldness which he often took shelter in, Jiang Cheng refused to turn back even once, knowing that he won't ever listen to his voice again.
Cursed be those who fall in love so deep that they wished they had never met the person in the first place.
When Lan Xichen arrived the next day, during mid-evening and his confusion appeared too evidently on his features. The wall of waters no longer stood in its place and he nicatated twice or thrice before realising something was wrong.
Where the wall of waters had been was occupied by a small basket, the size of his hand almost and as if it threatened some part of his sanity, Lan Xichen took short steps to it.
There lay a letter and a clarity bell which prominently belonged to the Yunmeng Jiang sect; which was their most valuable possession.
And the letter began:
To him who bears a voice on the left,
Reading the letter, his hand shook several times and the tear stains that seemed to have been accidental only further did stir the sorrow that travelled far.
. . .And truly, I am sorry to put this burden on your shoulders. . .
Lan Xichen was quick on his feet with the bell chiming desperately in hands as he appeared in the main hall where stood disciples who immediately greeted though they were fairly surprised.
. . For the love I bear you, I know acceptance would not—could not be expected. . .
"The Yunmeng Jiang sect?" He asked them, distress sounding in his voice as the letter was clutched in his fingers.
"In the morning, Zewu-Jun, they left with their sect leader as their term had come to an end yesterday." One of the disciples said as Lan Xichen took a step back in his despair.
But you must know, that in this life, of all sins I've committed—
"Brother?" Lan Wangji said and his elder brother didn't seem to respond as he took another staggering step to a direction his feet were unsure of.
—you're the only person that I could ever get right. . .
"Brother!" Lan Wangji said, rapidly moving to catch his brother from falling but that was in a fail for Lan Xichen had already fallen too far to be saved.
. .So I say it now and only once, just for my contentment and as I am a selfish human being. .
Lan Qiren came out of his quarters, ready to whip out any who was responsible for the havoc that seemed to be drawing exemplary attention but he stopped dead cold when he saw his nephews at the centre of it.
. . I have fallen for you stranger whose face I have never seen, and I suppose that will be the misfortune of it all, wouldn't it?
Lan Qiren shook the reminiscence that didn't let him sleep on most nights; sometimes of his dear brother and that wretched fate he called a wife.
. .And I think to myself, what luck to have found the colour of your voice in a world as bleak as mine.
His brother went limp in his arms which only made Lan Zhan supremely fearful, his dear sibling had never been this thoroughly shaken.
I give you my clarity bell knowing that rejection would sound it well.
After all, it is mine, isn't it? Farewell and take care.
Vainly hoped to be yours,
The stranger on the other side.
Lan Xichen let out a stutter of air, his eyes closed, tears slipping out right before they did and Lan Qiren feared the fate that would befall on his nephew as they took him to his Hanshi.
What a sad fate that would be indeed.
|- - - -|
He had thrown himself into work.
It had even surprised Jin Ling who hadn't seen his uncle work himself into the matters of the sect like his life depended on it.
On the better side, Lotus Pier was thriving since all attention of the sect leader had increased in tenfolds on all areas of the sect; training being the most essential one. Their wealth and dealings had been taken care in such an efficient manner that the Yunmeng Jiang sect could easily slide through for the next ten years had the war period still been active.
On the side which was much worse in Jin Ling's peripheral vision, whenever they went for nighthunts or any given time that Jin Ling was closeby to his uncle, he could feel something that had gone awry in his character. Which was really something because he was rather oblivious in matters pertaining to such. Not his words but Lan Sizhui had often pointed it gently to him.
So this really was absurdly clear to him.
And it would be at times when Jiang Cheng wouldn't recognise it himself.
Like that thing which had happened a few months ago.
It had been an easy catch really, all the water ghouls that had been hiding out in one of the lakes that came under the rule of Yunmeng Jiang sect but one of them had escaped their eyes by using a dark spell (Jin Ling didn't even want to know how that had happened)
And it jumped behind his uncle who seemed to have been deep in thought.
The clarity bell on his own waist was the only reason Jin Ling acted quickly; his bowstring snapped the arrow's end, sending it flying at the creature.
His uncle hadn't even reacted to it, he merely nodded curtly at the shot, criticising that his aim had been a little to the left. And when Jin Ling asked where his clarity bell was, all he received was an 'It is lost.'
As much as of a fool that Lan Jingyi had always taken him for —Jin Ling would violently prefer to think in opposition of any such opinion— he knew when to pick up signs that concluded to him in short words, his uncle wasn't well.
And the next incident only furthered his confidence on the subject.
Jiang Cheng had gotten sick. Which wasn't really a disarming development, what with the amount of work he forced upon himself? Jin Ling had been surprised that it hadn't happened earlier.
Hence, of course, being the dutiful and sincerely concerned nephew he was, he left the Carp towers and paid Jiang Cheng an immediate visit.
"He is still sleeping." One of the disciples had told him before he sneakily went past the guards and had the cheek to be proud of that accomplishment; disciples at Yunmeng Jiang sect had no restraint whatsoever, they would slash through any who they thought was defying security.
So he tip-toed his way near his uncle's bed, who seemed to be dripping in sweat.
Jin Ling had frowned, is he having a nightmare?
But then, he came close. To his shock, he found tears strolling down Jiang Cheng's cheek and the pain on the wrinkles of his forehead twisted Jin Ling's lungs as if to squeeze the air out.
So he did what anyone would, he woke the man up and storming grey eyes had wilted down cloudy pewter as they snapped open.
His uncle shivered under the mess of the sheets, tears relentlessly drowning out of his face as he whimpered. That was the first time Jin Ling had seen him break that way. Fatigue was still clear and it seemed like he didn't recognise Jin Ling at the moment.
Jiang Cheng kept mumbling something that his nephew couldn't decipher; something that was far off its mark but it strangely sounded like-
"Are you listening?"
Apart from that nothing else was uttered and the experience all together shook the Lanling sect leader.
So when he was better from his fever, Jiang Cheng went back to work and training, this time with moderation obviously; it saddened him that he ended up missing the Discussion Conference, he had heard that Lan Xichen was back to being the sect leader. It would have been nice to meet him after the entire Jin Guangyao fiasco.
"Uncle."
He grunted as a response.
"Is there something you want to share with me?' Jin Ling asked, randomly as Jiang Cheng raised a brow of the question at his nephew.
"Do I look like I have something to share with you?" He said, dulling his stare.
"Yes."
Jiang Cheng sighed at his nephew. "No, nothing at all."
"Are you fine?"
He tsked in vexation. "What's with all the questions?"
"Answer me."
"Yes, I am. Now, leave." Jiang Cheng ordered before going back to the paperwork that had piled up on his table. So engrossed was he reading and ratifying a few treaties that he failed to notice the glance that his nephew gave him and an hour later Jiang Cheng bid him goodbye before Jin Ling made his way back to the Carp towers.
"Sect leader, your dinner—
"I'm not hungry, take it back and feed it to someone who needs it." He waved away dismissively and wended his path back to his rooms, disciples moved out of his way, greeting him as they went. All of them were curious about why the sect leader never wore his clarity bell, they had heard he had lost it a few months ago but if that were the case why not just take another one?
Jiang Cheng didn't spare a glance to the days that went past but one night when the skies had grown too dark already and he felt a prickle of weariness rub against his muscles, he allowed himself to ponder.
It wouldn't hurt, would it?
Remembering, that is.
So he let himself fall on the bed with a light 'thud', shutting his eyes to imagine himself back to the start when he was surrounded by trees. And if he searched enough in his memories then those trees had become euphemism of sorts to the small mite of peace he had.
And?
And there was a flood of voices, all from the same person engulfing him in a myriad of colours he had never seen but felt them wrapping around him like grapevines of light blue wisps, like flying in the open skies.
"Are you listening?" He asked in his memory, his right hand moving up as he could feel the warmth that had once draped itself around it and he fell asleep with his hand still reaching out to the left side of the bed.
|- - - -|
Lan Qiren was worried and so was Lan Wangji which obviously meant Wei Wuxian was not far behind in the race.
"He seems fine." His uncle voiced out first as Lan Xichen continued to look through the scripts he had missed in the time of his absence. His brushstrokes had been perfect and everything else was completely in place.
But, Wei Wuxian thought somehow being a part of the conversation whilst being absolutely ignored by Lan Qiren, the Lans have an in-built mechanism to see through farces.
"It is not true." Lan Zhan replied as he watched his brother from afar and Wei Wuxian could mark the telltale signature on his husband's face.
"Your father was like this as well. The Lans had a stroke of terrible luck with romantic love, Lan Zhan—
"Is that why you're single as well?" Wei Wuxian asked with interest at how they interpreted these kinds of situations.
At this point, Lan Qiren flinched at the direct insult and hid the hurt but after three years, one just learnt to get used to it. For the hundred and seventy-eight time, he questioned the decision of the divine that had led this reckless man into his family. Though it wasn't very serious, not when Wei Wuxian had once sketched a drawing of him reading with a bowl of congee as an apology for running away with his nephew.
The congee tasted like the rice had seen better days and Lan Qiren grumbled about it till the last drop of the porridge as he kept the paper in his esteemed collection of valuables.
He just hoped that at least Lan Xichen would marry someone comparatively better.
But with the whole truth that unfolded, Lan Qiren couldn't help but demand answers from his creator. Why was it that his nephews never found a slight peace of mind? He didn't care about what many or he himself had gone through, they were his children.
He was the one who had weathered the years watching them grow.
And they had gone through a lot more than a person of their hearts should.
Call him selfish but it didn't matter to him that others had it worse. He was too worried about his family and their well-being to bother with anything altruistic.
Lan Xichen had been the apple of his eye while Lan Zhan was the fire in his heart, they were his family. And as if witnessing the sledgehammered pain of his own brother with Lan Wangji's mourning for thirteen plus years wasn't enough that Lan Xichen now seemed like he was too far away to be reached.
He just wanted to see them be happy. Was that really too much to ask for?
"Okay." Wei Wuxian continued as he peeked back at the elder Lan brother. "Exactly, why does he have a clarity bell belonging from the Yunmeng Jiang sect?"
"He never answers." Lan Zhan responded, recalling the times Lan Qiren and he had asked him about it but all they received was: 'I was given this by a stranger.'
Nothing more, nothing less.
"Do you think he has fallen miserably in love?" Lan Qiren asked and it took Wei Wuxian a moment to realise that question had been directed towards himself when Lan Zhan looked at him as well.
"I do not know." He said, brows knitting themselves to the centre. "But I do know that wallowing will do him no good."
Lan Xichen finished his work for the moment as he paced to the main hall, he felt a bitter breeze swarm through his hair and he wondered if it was one of those days.
Where he wasn't alright and absence in his heart rounded his soul like an enchantment gone horribly wrong.
. . I have fallen for you stranger whose face I have never seen, and I suppose that will be the misfortune of it all, wouldn't it?
And misfortune it most certainly was.
It had been a year almost and here he was, still hoping to find the stranger who had left his bell with him. On multiple occasions, Lan Xichen had made excuses to visit the Yunmeng Jiang sect but he couldn't find the voice that had listened to him for so long even in that large crowd of people.
In all his time there, all he could do was take rest with the scent of the numerous lotuses and that he was perhaps in the same place that the stranger was but he wouldn't be lucky enough to hear them again, would he?
It peeved most within the Yunmeng Jiang sect that the Zewu-Jun would be carrying a clarity bell and almost every time anyone approached him out of curiosity, his answer would be the same he had given to his brother and Uncle.
There was, of course, a limit to how many times he could visit the Lotus Pier without seeming too suspicious but was it really his fault that the ache in his heart refused to dwindle. Did his lover know that they really did bleed the same?
If he did, would he come back to him?
When Lan Xichen didn't come back to the main hall, Wei Wuxian assumed he wouldn't be coming back for the rest of the day.
He walked over to the wooden table and his gaze fell on the scrolls that had been neatly kept aside and the discovery made him scrunch his nose. So if he had already finished that then what has he been writing? He frowned, edging closer to the papers that had been organised carefully.
And every paper had only one sentence written again and again, more repetitive than the sun or the stars of the moon on each paper with strokes that had been carefully done.
He read the sentence and it wasn't even a coherent one to him but to Lan Xichen, Wei Ying guessed it meant a great deal.
"Mn." Said a voice behind him, reading down the characters on the paper from his shoulder. "What does 'I am here for you' mean?"
"I'm not sure but," Wei Wuxian paused as he looked at his dear husband who blinked down at him. "It might be the only thing keeping your brother together at the moment. Let us not ask him about it."
Lan Zhan wanted to protest but he quietened down, perhaps his lover was right. Wei Ying was rarely wrong about matters of the heart, he knew probably much more than Lan Zhan could ever hope to know about it.
So he simply nodded pliantly.
"He's going to be alright, don't you worry your pretty head about it." Wei Wuxian stated, patting on Lan Zhan's arm in comfort.
Miles away, Lan Xichen felt his body rest against the grass, looking up to the stars to admire the moon as he used to when the wall of waters had been present.
Tell me, he thought before closing his eyes, is there a lake I could cross to bring you back to me?
The clarity bell sounded and it didn't carry the ring of rejection but one of longing. He hadn't told anyone the story behind it or what had happened to him, not when the absence of voice was fresh in his ears.
And he thought of Jin Guangyao, his friend, sworn brother, whatever one pleased to put him as. But he didn't think of him with heartburn against his soul anymore and it made Lan Xichen reflect on when had it had become so.
It must have been in those conversations when he would keep talking and his stranger would listen with utmost attention delivered. Something slipped out of his eyes and Lan Xichen felt the cold liquid promenade down his temples.
. . .And truly, I am sorry to put this burden on your shoulders. . .
It had never been a burden, Lan Xichen had been so happy when he had read that in the beginning of the letter. It made his stomach fill with butterflies which died down for the transient life they had as he reached the end of the letter.
A stab of pain renewed itself as he thought of it. Lan Xichen didn't know what he was supposed to do with the ghost of his voice dancing in his head.
Perhaps, Lan Xichen thought drearily, as he entertained the whimsical ideas of his romantic heart, I could remember.
He could feel them, bringing the ephemeral happiness that eluded him for so long. In the darkness of inky hues, violet ribbons twirling around his hands leading him home when he was lost and all alone.
And that's how Lan Zhan found him in the morning, asleep on the grass with his headband that had loosened itself to wrap around his hand which seemed like it was reaching out to something on its right.
|- - - -|
Jin Ling's letter found Wei Wuxian quicker than most would and nothing in the letter makes him feel settled anymore.
It couldn't be, he reasoned with himself as the pieces unfolded to him.
The lost clarity bell, the behaviours of both his sworn brother and brother-in-law and the timing that seemed to have matched it all.
It is a fool's chance at hope, a part of him stated.
True, another part of him refuted, but what am I if not a fool for hope?
But if it was the truth, if it really, really was then, mark his words, Wei Ying would separate the heavens from earth to make them meet again. The Gods knew they deserved that speck of happiness.
So he reached out for a fresh letter to write to Jiang Cheng, demanding to be invited to the full moon night of the month; the event of Yuèliàng liánhuā.
|- - - -|
Lan Xichen arrived at Lotus Pier and wondered if this time he'd actually be able to meet the sect leader. All the times that he had visited the Yunmeng Jiang sect, some or the other thing would disallow him to be greeted appropriately by the sect leader.
The last time he had been away for a night hunt, the one before that he had to visit Lanling sect because his nephew had a small crisis and things of some sort would crop up, every time he visited.
"Sect leader is busy in the preparation of the Yuèliàng liánhuā, he offers his sincere welcome and apologies." The disciples greeted him, leading him to the guest rooms and Lan Xichen guessed this was going to be another time that following a norm of them not being able to greet each other firsthand.
"He will accompany you to watch the lighting in the night." They told him as he smiled at them before they left the room.
The disciples stopped outside his room as they stared back at the closed doors.
"Hey. Did you see that—
"Yes, it's strange, why on earth does he have it?"
"Who knows but still, a clarity bell. . .?"
They left immediately deciding it was more important that they commit to their duties for the night of the full moon or the Yuèliàng liánhuā, popularly celebrated monthly. It was a time when the people of Yunmeng gather with any broken mirror they had to place it outside their doorstep.
An idea that suggested light reflects even from those that were broken.
And when the Wen Clan had destroyed the Lotus Pier to smithereens, it seemed only right that the tradition would now be more resolutely followed.
Lan Xichen took to his tea, quite liking the taste as he looked out of his window. Would it be in vain? He thought to himself as he let his gaze linger down to the streets of Yunmeng and further were the lakes filled with blossoming lotus.
He mused as the evening light faded by the sun going down, it produced an array of thoughts. Sunsets were never this beautiful in Gusu but it Yunmeng, everything was vibrant, filled with flushes, blushes and chatter in the streets.
"Zewu-Jun." One of the disciples then led him to an open balcony that was at a much higher platform, there was a sheer curtain dividing the balcony into two sections and looking at the small calligraphy table and the decor seemed a tad richer than the ones he had seen. And with possibly the best view to watch the lighting? Ah, so they were probably in the sect leader's quarters.
"Sect leader Jiang Cheng will shortly join you."
And Lan Xichen found himself arching his neck to see all the mirrors that had been placed in position outside. The moon had been hidden in the clouds still not directly atop in the skies and he smiled to himself, ruefully.
It would have certainly been a pleasure to witness this with him.
Perhaps, he could have even—
Not now, he instructed, not when he was going to be accompanied soon. So he let his thoughts float away from his unknown lover as he glimpsed at the table that had a candle that was still lit.
Lan Xichen walked to the left side of the balcony to blow it away when he heard footsteps resonate on the floor. He could see purple cloth billowing to the sides across the transparency of the curtain
Jiang Cheng frowned at the surreal feeling that by as he walked closer, he was told Lan Xichen was awaiting in his quarters and he was looking forward to meeting him but now, seeing those white robes reminded him of what he could not have.
So even before he could control it, the conditioned words slide out of his lips, "Are you listening?"
Of course, he did not expect or even think of the answer to that question, it was obvious that this whole thing might end up doing his head in.
Still. Jiang Cheng wondered and rightly so, why is Zewu-Jun not ans—
The reply came a few seconds later, in a shaky breath and as if rushed. "I'm here for you."
It shocked him to the extent that he almost took a heavy stumble before reclaiming control.
No way.
There is no fucking way, just— how?
It can't. . . What?
This is a cruel joke is what it is, he told himself but it did not explain how his breathing had so quickly turned into chokes for air.
His hand caught the curtain and it pushed it with an extent that it might have torn but for the moment, Jiang Cheng did not find it in himself to bother as he took in the look on Zewu-Jun's face.
It reflected his own; there's blatant mayhem at first and utter confusion following swiftly.
Perhaps, it is a mistake—
And then Jiang Cheng courteously took note of the clarity bell hanging at his waist, it sent shivers down to this toes and the look on his face told Lan Xichen that he didn't need anything more to prove his heart.
All this time, everywhere he searched, everything he did to find him and it had been right in front of him the whole time. How had he come to miss something like that? Each of those times, begging him to realise what he had been overlooking.
Lan Xichen couldn't help but think what kind of an idiot had he been?
"It's you." He simply said, his headband coming loose on its own as the Yunmeng Jiang sect leader stood almost trembling at what sounded to him like an accusation.
"I'm sorry." Jiang Cheng blurted out, itching to look elsewhere but Lan Huan's eyes are beholders of his attention. But maybe fear made him act in accordance, to which he hesitantly nodded, putting this incident away like rejection would take away his ability to walk.
And he knew it would finally do his head in. So he looked away and turned as he said: "I should leave."
Almost like it snatched Lan Xichen from the muddled state he was in, he moved swiftly to stop the younger man. "No!"
Jiang Cheng looked down at the hand tightly wound around his own.
"You are not going away again," Lan Xichen declared, tenaciously as the grey-eyed man stared at him blankly. The Lans were the epitome of stoical patience and refined grace, to see Lan Xichen so worked up was probably what alerted Jiang Cheng that something had been misplaced.
"I will not let you go unless that is what your heart truly wishes for."
Jiang Cheng, "Zewu-Jun, I—
"You left me." He inculpated, tears falling relentlessly as Jiang Cheng failed in catching any clue. In a sputtering mess, he began, "I don't understand what you—
"Of all the sins you committed, if I was the only person you got right then why didn't you wait for my reply?"
Jiang Cheng froze.
"How could you leave without a goodbye?" like I meant nothing.
He looked up as the grip on his wrist further tightened, just not enough to make him wince which made him acknowledge what a shitstorm this had turned to.
"I—I thought it would be a shame if our last conversation would revolve around your disgust with me." He said, truthfully, not veiling any of the insecurities that doused his tone. "Besides, at what stakes would you wager for someone to fall for me, I—"
"I did." Lan Xichen told at once as another tear travelled down and any doubt that Jiang Cheng could have thought of creating dubiety was burnt to ashes.
"You. . you did?" He asked, the bleakest of hope reaching through because he was certain, absolutely, that these. . these dreams of his life whirling out a little differently were just that—dreams.
"I wouldn't lie to my lover."
Perhaps it was the title or perhaps it was the way Lan Xichen looked at him, so solemnly and desperate to make him believe that knocked some grain of sense into him.
And it was only then that the moonlight descended from the heavens, striking each and every mirror shard that had been placed. It reflected in pale lunar rays but around them, it thawed into a thousand hues of colours.
They played to the tune of Lan Xichen's silents sobs, his voice disquieted.
When Jiang Cheng allowed his hand to caress his face, his heart softened its rough edges as Lan Xichen leaned into the touch, basking the warmth that had been taken from him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I left you—I'm sorry." for every little and large pain I rendered to your heart. Wordplay had never been his forte when emotion drummed on his heart and he wished that Lan Xichen would understand the faults that Jiang Cheng was loyal to.
And he did.
Falling on one knee, Lan Xichen slowly took his hand to his lips, kissing it intimately, like the way he remembered doing so. "Thank you." He let out with the radiance of a smile.
"Thank you for listening to my colours."
The End.