Archive of Our Own

December 31st, 1976
8.00pm

"I'll do it if you will.'

'That's…not going to happen.'

'Remus…'

'Lily, it's complicated.'

'How is it complicated? We said that this year, our resolution would be to address our sad crushes. So, I'll tell Potter - James - that I have decided he's possibly not the biggest prat to walk the earth and am willing to find out if there is any chance he's a decent bloke under all that pranking and stalking…'

'Very romantic, Lil.'

'And you can tell Sirius…'

'Lily, I can't.'

'Why not? What are these complications you speak of?'

Lily Evans crossed her arms across her chest, gazing cynically at her friend with a raised eyebrow, trying to clearly send the message that any excuse was going to be quickly shot down. She heard Remus sigh then he began to tick off reasons on his fingers.

'Complication number one: he's a boy. A boy who, unless he made an announcement in the last five minutes, is attracted to girls. Complication number two: I'm a boy, not a girl and therefore not Sirius' type. Complication number three: He's my best mate and it might put a slight dent in our friendship if I was to suddenly admit to being hopelessly in love with him and that I would rather like to shag him through the floor. Complication number four: there's a bloody good possibility that he'll react quite badly to my pronouncement and reject me loudly and, most likely, violently - which could lead to the entire school finding out that Remus Lupin is a sodding poof and making my last year here a living hell.'

Lily gazed at him contemplatively for a moment. Okay, so some of those excuses had a little merit, but Lily considered herself a very observant person and ever since Remus let slip the fact he was crushing severely on his best mate, she'd been watching the two boys closely. And in her humble opinion, there were no two people in this castle who were hotter for each other than they were - well, perhaps with the exception of her and Potter…shit…James.

She gave Remus a soft smile and said, 'And what if none of that happens? What if he admits that he also fancies the pants off you and wouldn't mind a bit of that promised shagging?'

'I'm more likely to wake up one morning without my furry little problem.'

'Remus, I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he touches you all the time…'

'And I've seen and, unfortunately, heard exactly how heterosexual Sirius is. I think you telling James is brilliant, but please, Lil, it isn't going to happen for me and Sirius. Just leave it.'

Lily frowned but, seeing the pain in Remus' eyes, she nodded, both Seventh Years dropping their heads back to their books and immersing themselves in Potion recipes.

'Gods, are you two really studying on New Year's Eve?'

Lily saw Remus' head shoot up then curse loudly as he clutched at his neck.

'Remus!' she admonished, looking around to see if Madam Pince had heard the expletive, but the woman was nowhere in sight. She turned back to the two boys, watching as Sirius sank elegantly into the chair next to Remus and reached out a hand to rub at the werewolf's neck.

Lily had to work hard to restrain the exclamation of 'I told you so!' that threatened to burst from her lips as she watched the brunette stroke his nimble fingers over a rapidly reddening Remus' neck, his face soft as he gazed at the werewolf.

How on earth do they not realise how the other one feels? They can't keep their bloody hands off each other.

'So? Why are you both wasting time in the library when you could be in the Common Room halfway to being completely trashed?'

Lily automatically bristled at Sirius' words. 'You know, Black, as Head Girl…'

'…you have to set an example to the younger children. I know, and I think it's a convenient excuse to be a bloody piker. I'm here for Moony anyway, not you. Your own parley will be here soon, no doubt. Alice was muttering about finding you earlier.'

Lily glared at Sirius, partly in annoyance that he palmed her Head Girl status off so flippantly and partly because it was her friend Alice who was asking about her and not James Potter. Sirius was ignoring her dirty looks, though, his attention focused on Remus, who was almost purring under the other boy's ministrations. Lily smirked.

This would be hot if they weren't so damn frustrating.

'Come on, Moony.'

'Sirius, I really should…'

'I miss you,' Sirius wheedled and Lily watched as Remus' famed stoicism completely collapsed.

The prefect could never say no to Sirius, letting the boy get away with murder - something Remus and Lily constantly bickered about. She looked on as Remus packed up his books and belatedly tried to set some guidelines to make up for his unqualified surrender to Sirius' request.

'I'm not drinking.'

'Course you aren't.'

Sirius winked at Lily who shook her head and looked down at her books. She was supposed to be helping Remus with a draught but if he was backing out, she may as well go and get ready for the party herself.

The boys got to their feet and Lily glanced up in time to see Sirius' hand sliding down Remus' back. The werewolf's knuckles turned white as he gripped the back of the chair and Lily stifled her laughter.

God, boys are so obtuse.

Sirius had hold of Remus' wrist now and was dragging him away. Remus called a farewell to her and Lily mouthed, 'Tell him,' then tutted when Remus pretended he hadn't heard her. Lily watched them leave, shaking her head at their retreating figures.

'Idiots,' she mumbled as she packed her own belongings up and shoved them carelessly into her bag.

She thought it was blatantly, almost painfully, obvious how they felt about each other, but neither twat would admit to it. With a little sigh, she stood, knowing that she was just as hopeless as they were. She had fancied the pants off James Potter for nearly a year now - not quite sure when he'd stopped being an annoying prat and started to make her heart beat faster. He'd become the star of her night time fantasies and those warm, hazel eyes were usually the impetus for her most powerful self-induced orgasms.

Walking slowly back to the Gryffindor common room, she pondered her plan for the night. She'd been thinking about this for months now and had finally decided to just take the plunge and admit to Pot…James…that he'd wormed his way through her defences. New Year's Eve seemed the perfect time - a fresh start as it were. Nerves made her stomach twist unpleasantly. James had been a little…standoffish lately and Lily had started to wonder if he'd finally done what she'd spent the last few years telling him to do and given up on her. She drew in a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest as if to ward off the possibility. She had to admit, she was never particularly gracious about James' advances - granted, most had been ridiculously overblown and humiliating, but he had a good heart and now she was wishing she'd been less discouraging…and perhaps hexed him a little less.

Could he have really lost interest?

'Only one way to find out, Evans,' she muttered under her breath as she reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. 'Time to pull out that Gryffindor courage and a tiny, tiny dress and seduce the hell out of James Potter.'

9.00pm

'Wow, Lil! Whose socks are you planning to knock off tonight?'

Lily finished applying her vanilla flavoured lip gloss then grinned at an admiring Alice in the mirror.

'Can you keep a secret?' she asked, throwing the plastic cylinder of gloss into her wet pack before she turned around to face her friend.

'Course I can.'

Lily took a breath then said, 'JamesPotter,' as fast as she could.

Alice had obviously understood her hastily muttered words as her mouth fell open and eyes widened.

'James Potter? The same James Potter who has been…and I quote…"the bane of my fucking existence" for the last six years? The same James Potter who has relentlessly stalked you and proclaimed his undying love for you at least once a day for the last four years? The same James Potter who you swore you would never forgive for hurting Severus…?'

'Yes!' Lily almost shouted the word then felt her face heat up as Alice raised a surprised eyebrow. 'Yes, that same stalking, annoying, aggravating, infuriating, completely galling James Potter who I apparently had the bad taste and lack of common sense to fall for.'

She sighed heavily and slumped against the marble vanity. 'Gods, Alice. Am I going to make a complete idiot of myself? I've gone on and on about how I'll never return his feelings…I even hexed his dick blue…'

She ignored Alice's snicker and continued. 'Now, I find that the prat has somehow gotten under my damn skin and I can't get him out.'

'You're going to tell him?'

Lily nodded, looking up at her friend's brown eyes. 'Tonight. I thought it was kind of…symbolic or something. New year - new beginning…Gods, maybe I should just forget it and not say anything. This could pass, right? It might be just a phase or…maybe he's put a spell on me to make me think I love him - I wouldn't put it past him…'

'You love him?'

Lily closed her eyes and nodded resignedly. 'Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.'

She felt Alice's small hand close around her own and opened her eyes to see the blonde's wide smile.

'You should tell him. Tonight.'

Lily sucked in a tremulous breath and nodded again, more confidently this time.

'I will. I'll tell him.'

9.15pm

She looked around the crowded Common Room, trying to ignore all the Fifth and Sixth Years she saw blatantly consuming hard liquor.

Let them learn from the hangover they'll have tomorrow.

Her eyes were searching, like a lioness looking for prey, and the green orbs lit up when she found it.

James Potter.

Fuck, he looks gorgeous.

Lily grabbed a glass of mead from a nearby table and took a sip to fortify herself before she started to make her way across the room to the tousle-headed teenager. She used to hate the messy state of his black hair, but now all she could think of was running her hands through those dishevelled locks as he kissed her or yanking hard on them as those soft-looking lips made their way over her body.

She cleared her throat, hoping the lustful thoughts that were making her body react heatedly weren't showing on her face, as she stepped out of the press of people right in front of the object of her desire. He looked as stunned by her appearance as she'd hoped he would be - his eyes sliding up and down her body appreciatively before they met hers.

'L…Lily…'

'Hi, James.'

9.30pm

Lily stared disbelievingly at James Potter's backside as he raced up the stairs to his dorm, having muttered a completely transparent excuse to get as far away from her as possible.

Sweet Circe, I'm too late. I've spent so long pushing him away and now I'm ready, he doesn't want me anymore.

She was surprised by just how much the thought that he no longer wanted her hurt. Miserable and uncomfortable in the short, tight, low cut green dress, she made her way slowly over to the drink table, trying to keep her balance in the ridiculous heels she'd purchased because the stupid saleswoman said they made her legs look irresistible.

'Potter didn't have much trouble resisting them,' she mumbled to herself as she accepted a amber coloured drink from one of the Sixth Years (who, she noticed, was eyeing off her legs with the appreciation the sales woman promised).

She slunk over to the couch and, with some careful manoeuvring, sat down. She toed the shoes off and took a mouthful of her drink, nearly spitting it back out when she realised it was pure Fire whiskey - not the watered down with soda water mix she usually drank. Taking a more measured sip, she fixed her eyes on the staircase to the boys' rooms. Would James come back down? And where the hell was Remus when she needed him? Why didn't he tell her James had gone off her?

She took another, longer pull on the whiskey and frowned. Remus would have told her - he knew that Lily's feelings had changed; he was encouraging her to tell the bespectacled boy. Perhaps she was reading too much into James' sudden departure. Maybe he really did have to feed Sirius' fish for him. Lily drank again then smiled a determined smile.

He didn't give up on me after the first rejection. And I can be just as annoyingly stubborn as him.

10.30pm

'That's hilarious, Pot…James. You're very funny. I didn't know you were so funny.'

Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder and beamed at him.

'And did I mention how impressed I was by that last goal you scored in the game against Ravenclaw last weekend? It was brilliant. You're a natural.'

He looked almost scared - staring at her with wide eyes - as he stammered, 'Um, thanks. I…I practice hard…'

'Mmm, I can tell,' she purred, touching his bicep lightly, trying to hide her irritation when he almost jumped out of his skin.

Merlin, anyone would think he hadn't spent the last four years begging for this. What was wrong with the boy?

She finished off the last of her amber-coloured drink then, seeing him watching her, licked her lips seductively (that always seemed to work in the romance novels she had hidden under her mattress).

'Mmm, I quite like the taste of Firewhiskey. Would you like to taste it, James?'

She bit her lip suggestively and saw his face redden. He opened his mouth then closed it again - his goldfish impression was spot-on - then words seemed to just tumble out of his mouth.

'Er, Lily, are you sure you're feeling alright? Perhaps you should slow down with that Firewhiskey?'

Lily laughed, trying to make it sound like she wasn't about the slam her glass down on his head. He was being hopelessly thick-headed - didn't he see her flirting, her touching his arm, her laughing at those stupid bloody jokes? Why was it taking so long to sink in that he should be grabbing her and snogging the hell out her?

'I'm fine, James,' she said, putting her hand on his arm again. He looked like a deer caught in headlights and she sighed, removing her hand and sinking back into the cushions.

'You…you're just not acting like yourself tonight,' James said, watching her warily. 'It's like someone slipped you a potion or something. This isn't you.'

She frowned and looked away, downing the rest of her drink fast. She'd had other boyfriends and they all enjoyed her acting like the other girls did - giggly and flirty and wearing as little as decent in public. Why wasn't James responding? He really must be over her.

Lily slammed down her glass and struggled to stand, cursing the tight dress, the Firewhiskey and James Potter as she made an undignified spectacle of herself. Once she was standing, she took a deep breath and ran her hands down the front of her dress to straighten it out and regain some control.

'I'm sorry, James,' she said softly, not even sure he could hear her over the raucousness of the common room. 'I…thought that you…that you wanted…but you don't anymore and…I'm sorry…I took too long.'

She stumbled through the crowd as fast as the tight dress and impaired function would allow, not hearing James calling after her as she climbed out of the portrait hole.

Lily made it to the Astronomy Tower before the tears started to fall. It shouldn't hurt this much - leopards don't change their spots and James Potter was surely just as much of a jerk as he always was. Except now she wanted that jerk with everything inside her and…bloody hell…it couldn't hurt any more if she'd been cursed with an Unforgivable. She sank to the ground and buried her face in her hands, curling in on herself as the cold breeze swirled and whistled around her.

There was suddenly a heaviness over her shoulders and she looked up to see James crouching in front of her, wrapping his cloak around her.

'That dress is a little too…er, flimsy…for outdoor excursions,' he said softly then he sat down in front of her. 'Lily, I'm sorry that I upset you. I was worried because you were acting so unlike yourself.'

Lily let out a half sob/half laugh and shook her head. 'I was trying to flirt with you, to get your attention.' She wiped her face with the back of her hand and sniffled. 'I was trying to show you that…well, that I like you.'

'You like me?'

Lily looked up at his face when she heard the hope in those three whispered words and her heart leapt when she saw by the half moon glow that James' face shone with cautious anticipation.

She nodded. 'I like you, but I thought that you might have…stopped…liking…me.'

To her enormous surprise (and slight annoyance), James started to laugh. 'Stopped liking you?'

Lily scowled. 'Are you just going to repeat everything I…?'

Her words were halted by James' mouth covering hers and her irritation melted - as did she, her body going limp as his firm lips showed her exactly what she'd been missing all this time.

And, damn, if she wasn't kicking herself for waiting so long for this. James' lips were soft and sure - caressing hers with a tenderness that she would never have thought him capable of. His hand touched her cheek lightly, then firmed, sliding along her jaw and into her hair, tangling his fingers in her red hair as his tongue traced the seam of her lips. Lily moaned and opened her mouth for him, meeting his tentatively probing tongue with her own. James groaned needily then pulled back, but kept his hand on her nape, his mouth still brushing lightly over hers as he spoke.

'I love you, Lily. If I didn't lose interest after you hexed my dick blue last year, I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that you're never going to be rid of me.'

Lily raised her hand and stroked her fingers over his face, a soft, awed smile on her face. 'Thank Merlin for your stubborn pigheadedness, Potter.'

James grinned and kissed her briefly. 'We're meant to be, Lil. I've always known it - it just took you a little longer to realise.'

Lily's heart and body melted and she reached for him, pulling him into a long, deep kiss. He tasted just as she'd imagined - sweet, but with a little saltiness that made her ache. Her hands ran over his chest, feeling the muscles she had wondered about for so long and suddenly, she couldn't stand feeling the fabric of his shirt under her fingers, stopping her from feeling him. Her half-frozen fingers fumbled with his buttons and James pulled back, staring down at her in surprise.

'Lily…what…?'

She smiled and kissed his chin. 'You bragged so often about your incredible body that I thought it was time I got to see for myself if the boasting was justified.'

The corner of James' mouth turned up as he searched for and found certainty in her face. He shifted, pulling his wand from his pants pocket and waving it around them, casting warming spells, disillusionment spells and silencing spells around them. Once the warming spell took effect, Lily shrugged off his cloak, spreading it on the ground behind her then laying back on it.

James drew in a shaky breath as he stared down at her in awe and he whispered, 'Gods, you are gorgeous.'

Lily felt the words wash over her like warm water, heating her body and turning her bones to liquid. It was getting harder to breathe and, as James' hands rose to unbutton his shirt, revealing lightly tanned skin, she stopped altogether. He let the shirt hang open as he lay down on his side next to Lily, his hand sliding across her gently curved stomach to come to rest on her hip.

'Did I meet expectations?'

'Surpassed them,' she murmured, turning on her side to face him, touching his chest lightly. He breathed in sharply and Lily's touch firmed - her confidence growing as he reacted to her. She flattened her hand in the centre of his chest and slid it slowly across smooth skin until it rested over his madly pounding heart. His chest rose and fell rapidly and she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his skin.

'That's…nice… Gods!'

Her tongue had snuck out to taste his skin and his hand closed around her hip tightly. Lily smiled against his flesh then did it again, but this time, his reaction was less subtle.

James pushed her over onto her back and before she could even gasp in surprise, his mouth was on hers and he was kissing her hungrily - a far cry from the gentle kisses of earlier, but Lily found his loss of restraint so very arousing. She responded eagerly, dragging her hands over his chest in an attempt to learn every inch of it then stilled when she felt James' hand shift from her hip to cup her breast carefully. He was so tentative - brash, confident James Potter - and the knowledge that she had this effect on him made her feel powerful. Her hand covered his and she dragged it higher to cover the mound of her breast then smiled when he moaned. His mouth left hers to trail hot kisses down her throat and she arched up, groaning when he rolled a taut nipple between his fingers. Their hands roamed freely as James' shirt fell away and Lily's dress was pushed down to her waist - James making a strangled sounding noise when he saw she wasn't wearing a bra.

They became bolder quickly - their strong, mutual reaction to each other spurring them on - and soon their harsh, hastened breathing was loud in the air and their bodies were thrumming, desperate for release. James' fingers skimmed over the front of Lily's satiny knickers while her hands worked open his belt and fly. When her hand closed over his weeping cloth-encased erection, James pulled back, panting.

'Lil…I don't want…I mean, I do, but…not here…'

'No,' she agreed breathlessly. 'But I want you to touch me. I want to touch you…Please, James?'

He stared down into her emerald-coloured eyes then dipped his head to kiss her again, his lips moving slowly over hers as his fingers slipped under her knickers. Lily whispered a soft, 'Oh' into his mouth then quickly slipped her hand into his underwear, wrapping her thin fingers around his burning shaft.

James muttered something that sounded like a curse against her lips and their gentle lips became needy. His fingers found her clit easily - Lily was still coherent enough to recognise that this wasn't the first time he'd done this - then he stroked her tight bud and all ability to do anything but feel deserted her. She moved her hand on him, not taking any time to gauge length or width - just concentrating on bringing him as much pleasure as he was bringing her then, when two of his long fingers slid inside her, she gasped and tightened her grip, making James cry out.

'Shit, Lily…I'm…close…'

'Mmm,' she moaned, unable to form the words to tell him she was too then he flicked his thumb over her clit again and bursts of rainbow colours exploded in her head, heat suffusing her body as waves of pure bliss crashed over her. She arched up into him as the sensation continued, unaware she was calling his name over and over like a litany and she was ignorant of James' voice whispering her name as warm fluid spilled over her hand.

She wasn't sure how long it took for her to come back into herself, only vaguely aware of James straightening their clothing and murmuring spells before he drew her into his embrace. His lips were pressing to her cheek when she finally found her voice.

'Wow.'

He chuckled. 'Wow, indeed.'

Lily giggled then rolled over so she could look him in the eye while she said what she was about to say.

'I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you.' He tried to interrupt but she stopped him with a quick kiss. 'No, don't. I'm not saying you weren't a pain in the arse, but I didn't have to be so awful about rejecting you.' She bit her lip but was unable to stop the words spilling out.

'I love you.'

James' hazel eyes lit up behind his glasses and he beamed down at her.

'You do?

Lily nodded.

'I do.'

James stared at her for another moment then let out a loud whoop that made Lily laugh before he kissed her hard and fast. He pulled back and grinned down at her.

'That was worth waiting six years to hear.'

Lily's smile widened then they both gasped as they heard a loud crack. Turning, they saw the sky light up with fireworks and realised they'd missed the countdown.

James turned back to Lily and smiled. 'Happy New Year, Lils.'

The redhead reached up and grasped James by the scruff of the neck and pulled his face back to hers as she replied, 'Happy New Year, Potter.'

Chapter 2

December 31st, 1976

8.00pm

"I'll do it if you will.'

'That's…not going to happen.'

'Remus…'

'Lily, it's complicated.'

'How is it complicated? We said that this year, our resolution would be to address our sad crushes. So, I'll tell Potter - James - that I have decided he's possibly not the biggest prat to walk the earth and am willing to find out if there is any chance he's a decent bloke under all that pranking and stalking…'

'Very romantic, Lil.'

'And you can tell Sirius…'

'Lily, I can't.'

'Why not? What are these complications you speak of?'

Remus looked exasperated and thought for the first time that perhaps the hopelessly oblivious Lily was, in fact, the perfect partner for the equally clueless James Potter. He ticked off the problems he faced in confessing his adoration for Sirius Black on his fingers.

'Complication number one: he's a boy. A boy who, unless he made an announcement in the last five minutes, is attracted to girls. Complication number two: I'm a boy, not a girl and therefore not Sirius' type. Complication number three: He's my best mate and it might put a slight dent in our friendship if I was to suddenly admit to being hopelessly in love with him and that I would rather like to shag him through the floor. Complication number four: there's a bloody good possibility that he'll react quite badly to my pronouncement and reject me loudly and, most likely, violently - which could lead to the entire school finding out that Remus Lupin is a sodding poof and making my last year here a living hell.'

Lily gazed at him contemplatively for a moment then said, 'And what if none of that happens? What if he admits that he also fancies the pants off you and wouldn't mind a bit of that promised shagging?'

'I'm more likely to wake up one morning without my furry little problem.'

'Remus, I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he touches you all the time…'

'And I've seen and, unfortunately, heard exactly how heterosexual Sirius is. I think you telling James is brilliant, but please, Lil, it isn't going to happen for me and Sirius. Just leave it.'

Lily frowned but nodded, both Seventh Years dropping their heads back to their books and immersing themselves in Potion recipes.

'Gods, are you two really studying on New Year's Eve?'

Remus' head shot up as the velvet voice broke the silence then he gasped as a sharp pain shot through his neck and burst inside his head.

'Fuck!' he spat, grabbing at the crick in his neck.

'Remus!' Lily admonished, looking around to see if Madam Pince had heard the expletive, but the woman was nowhere in sight. Sirius tutted and frowned at Remus.

'Merlin, Moony, you don't have to strain yourself for me.'

Sirius fell gracefully into the chair next to Remus and reached out, curling a hand around the werewolf's nape and rubbing his thumb over the curve of his scar-marred neck with just the right pressure. The tension in his ligaments began to ease almost immediately, and reformed elsewhere - much lower - in Remus' body.

'So? Why are you both wasting time in the library when you could be in the Common Room halfway to being completely trashed?'

Lily bristled. 'You know, Black, as Head Girl…'

'…you have to set an example to the younger children. I know, and I think it's a convenient excuse to be a bloody piker. I'm here for Moony anyway, not you. Your own parley will be here soon, no doubt. Alice was muttering about finding you earlier.'

Ignoring Lily's indignant face, his eyes slid back to Remus, his thumb now moving in a rather delicious circular motion on Remus' neck which was making the werewolf feel as though his spine had turned into marshmallow.

'Come on, Moony.'

'Sirius, I really should…'

'I miss you.'

In his head, Remus had been preparing a speech, telling Sirius he'd have to do better than that to get him to ignore the fact that he was a Prefect and should, by rights, report them for their illegal booze . In reality, he was already packing his books away, cursing himself for being so damn weak that it took only those three little words to turn him into Sirius' puppet.

"I miss you" - Merlin's pants, I'm easy.

He tried to retain a little self respect by not completely caving into Sirius' demands.

'I'm not drinking.'

'Course you aren't.'

The agreement sounded more amused and patronizing than Remus liked and he repeated himself.

'I mean it.'

Sirius beamed at the other boy as they both stood, his hand now shifting from Remus' neck in a slow, almost sensual slide down the werewolf's backbone, coming to rest on his lower back. Remus gripped the back of his chair as his knees buckled, almost missing Sirius' chuckle over the sound of blood roaring through his veins.

'Of course you mean it, Moony. You always do.'

He glared at the other boy and the hand fell away, the skin on his back cooling immediately at the loss. His knees became steadier though and he bid Lily farewell as Sirius dragged him bodily from the library, trying to pretend he didn't understand Lily's mouthed words as he left.

'Tell him.'

9.00pm

'Can I help you?'

Remus had emerged from the shower cubicle in a cloud of steam after a long, hot shower in which he'd indulged in a long and equally as hot wank. He wondered briefly if Sirius had been sat here the whole time and frantically tried to recall if he'd made any embarrassing and revealing noises.

Sirius grinned at a flustered Remus and winked before he quipped, 'That's was what I was going to ask.'

Flushing, Remus gave him a reproachful look and made sure the towel that he'd slung quite hastily around his narrow hips was secure. He grabbed another as he walked over to the wash basins where Sirius had parked himself and was currently watching the werewolf with an intensity that made Remus wish he had more on than just the thin terry cloth. Remus threw the other towel around his neck, letting it drape over his scarred chest. It made him feel less exposed and he took a calming breath before talking.

'I mean, what are you doing in here? Why aren't you down in the Common Room getting a head start on the hangover you're sure to have tomorrow?'

Sirius shrugged and drew his knees towards his chest, his arms moving to hug his legs. 'I'm waiting for you. I need to make sure you actually turn up and don't get distracted by those nasty books that keep stealing your attention away from where it should rightly be.'

He saw Remus' questioning look and smiled. 'Which is on me, of course.'

Remus smiled faintly.

Oh, if only he knew my attention was constantly on him.

The werewolf contemplated his shaving kit, wondering if he should shave before he went downstairs. He ran a hand across his slightly stubbled jaw and decided he probably should. Before he could get out the razor, another hand swept lightly over his jaw.

'Why don't you use a spell for that?'

Remus stiffened a little, trying to stop himself from leaning into the touch, and forced words past the lump in his dry throat as his fingers closed around the razor.

'It strips the hair off too fast - it burns…especially around the scars. This way doesn't burn.'

That hand cupped his face for a moment longer, a finger tracing the length of a scar, then it disappeared and Remus felt the razor being taken out of his hand.

'Don't shave. You look dead sexy with a little werewolf showing.'

Remus' eyes flicked over to Sirius in surprise. Lily had gotten one thing right earlier - he and Sirius had an…unusual relationship. All four Marauders were close, but Sirius would never talk to James or Peter the way he just had to Remus, he would never flirt with them so patently. The two teenagers were very tactile with each other - touching, hugging, slinging arms around each other - and while all four friends behaved similarly, there was an underlying gentleness, deliberateness between Remus and Sirius. They talked over very personal issues together in the dead of night while the others were sleeping - things they could never share with the others, secrets they trusted each other with - and they knew each other better than they knew anyone else.

There had always been a very slight undercurrent of flirtation laced through their interactions, but nothing as blatant as what had just passed between them, and Remus didn't know whether he liked this new aspect or not. On one hand, it made him as hot as Hades, but on the other - it was making him as hot as Hades and it probably was not a good idea to have an erection whilst only wearing a towel and the only person who could have caused said erection is your straight best friend. Remus swallowed hard then gave Sirius a watery smile before moved - carefully so as to hide his arousal - to where his clothes lay.

Sirius sighed loudly, drawing Remus' attention, then dropped his legs, sitting up straight.

'This is the time when Muggles make all those resolutions to do better in the new year, to be better, right?'

Remus nodded, recalling telling Sirius about the tradition last year.

'Can a resolution be to finally tell the truth about something?'

The werewolf was puzzled, but nodded again. 'It can be whatever you want, Padfoot. It's about a fresh start.'

Sirius was very still and quiet for several minutes, staring down at the stone floor while Remus dressed quickly. Once he had slid the last button on his shirt into its hole, Sirius spoke again.

'I fancy blokes.'

Remus spun around so quickly that he lost his balance and fell back against the wall, bouncing off and, with a pirouette of flailing limbs, landed flat on his arse on the very cold, very hard stone floor. The impact sent a shockwave of pain reverberating through his body and, as he sat stunned on the floor, he heard Sirius chuckle then two long, denim-covered legs appeared in front of him.

'I didn't realise there was an exotic breed of ballerina werewolves, Moony.'

'Shut up and help me up, will you?' Remus snapped, forgetting the cause of his ungraceful collapse. 'I think I broke my arse.'

Sirius snorted and stuck out his hand. 'You did,' he confirmed. 'I can see the crack.'

'Oh, har-de-har-har…OW! Merlin, that hurts.' He allowed Sirius to haul him to his feet then he groped his own backside tentatively.

'Want me to rub it for you?'

The words were hesitant and lacked the usual joking, faux flirtiness and this made the memory of why Remus' arse was so sore flood back. He stopped what he was doing and looked up at Sirius, who was biting rather aggressively at his bottom lip.

Remus, unsure of what to say, murmured, 'Stop that, you mutt. You'll gnaw it off.'

Sirius stopped and Remus resisted the urge to soothe that abused, swollen lip with his tongue. He watched as Sirius did that very thing with his own tongue and tried not to moan. Sirius fancied blokes. Hope flared in his chest - if Sirius was attracted to men, could there really be a chance for him? Should he take Lily's advice and just tell Sirius how he felt?

'Rem? Are you really disgusted in me?'

Remus shook himself out of his fugue and frowned.

'Disgusted? No, why would I be? Confused, perhaps, as you seem to have shagged most of the girls over fifteen in this school…'

'I didn't say I didn't still fancy girls - just that my tastes are no longer limited to the female of the species. I'm bisexual, I guess - if you want to be technical.'

'Oh.'

Remus thought for a moment. He'd never really stopped to apply a label to himself when he realised he was attracted to Sirius. Yes, he'd freaked out quite a lot about the fact that Sirius was also male, but he didn't think of himself in terms of gay…or bisexual. He frowned. Was he even attracted to women at all? He could appreciate the beauty of some of the Hogwarts girls, but he'd never felt the overwhelming need to throw them down and ravish them like he did each time he saw Sirius. He never felt that desire for anyone but Sirius, come to think of it.

Did that mean he was gay? Or was it just Sirius?

'Moony? Gods, you hate me, don't you?'

Sirius seemed to shrink before Remus' eyes, falling back against the wall and slumping - his chin on his chest. Remus had never seen the Animagus look so defeated before and couldn't stand seeing that expression on his face. He put his hand on Sirius' shoulder, squeezing reassuringly.

'No, Sirius. Of course I don't hate you. I was just…surprised.'

Sirius looked up at Remus, a wary expression reflecting in his grey eyes. 'You don't think I'm…a perve or something?'

Remus shook his head vigorously. 'No! There's nothing wrong with you, Sirius. So you like boys and girls? More choice, right?'

Sirius cracked a smile and stood up straighter. 'Yeah, I suppose…' He didn't look as enthusiastic as Remus would have thought and he wondered if Sirius hadn't come to terms with this new development yet.

'Are you ok with this, Padfoot? It must have been a bit of a shock for you too, but you know it doesn't change a thing, right? Between you and me?'

Sirius smiled - a proper smile this time - and put his hand over Remus'. 'I was a bit worried you'd take it badly. I…I did when I first worked it out. I thought it would go away…'

'But it didn't?'

'No.' Sirius lost his smile and his grey eyes probed Remus'. Perhaps he saw something in the blue orbs because his next question made Remus' heart pound.

'Have you ever…you know…fancied another bloke?'

Remus hesitated, again considering confessing his own less than chaste feelings towards a particular fellow man, but just then James burst into the bathroom and gaped at them.

'What are you two ponces doing in here? Never mind - you'll have to finish up your deep and meaningful chat or shag or whatever you were doing and get your arses down to the common room. You have to tell me if I am really seeing Lily Evans doing what she is doing, or if I've finally cracked under the strain of constant rejection.'

Sirius looked curious, raising an eyebrow as his hand fell from Remus'.

'What's she doing? Going topless? Offering up lap dances? Snogging Alice under that leftover mistletoe?'

'No,' said James in agitation, dancing from foot to foot. 'She's…fuck…she's flirting with me!'

10.00pm

Remus smirked as he watched Lily do some of her best work on James, flipping her hair so often he was concerned she was going to strain her neck, smiling so widely he could see her back teeth, and laughing too loudly at James' stuttering attempts at jokes. James looked like he'd been stunned - after getting reassurance from Sirius and Remus that it did indeed appear that Lily Evans was flirting with him, he had parked himself next to her on the couch and was staring at her like he'd never seen her before.

'It's nauseating, isn't it?'

Remus looked over at Sirius who was also staring at the couple on the couch, a faintly repulsed expression on his face.

'Be nice, Padfoot. He's finally getting what he's wanted.'

'We should all be so lucky.'

Remus turned fully now, his back towards James now as he gazed interestedly at Sirius. 'What is it you want, Padfoot? Don't tell me there's someone who can resist the Black charm.' He raised his glass of mead to his mouth.

'Charm doesn't work on this one, Moony. He can see straight through my bullshit.'

Remus choked on his drink and coughed violently, Sirius slapping him on the back. He eventually managed to choke out a response…

'You…a bloke?'

Sirius frowned and crossed his arms over his chest defensively. 'I told you…'

'I know. I just didn't realise there was someone…specific…already.'

Sirius shrugged, turning a little pink as he sipped his Firewhiskey. 'He's the one that made me realise I liked boys. It's only him - I…I can't get him out of my head, but I don't know if he's interested. He's…hard to read sometimes.'

Remus felt as though someone had scooped out his insides and left him empty and aching. He was an idiot to think that just because Sirius fancied blokes that he'd suddenly want him.

'Oh,' he said faintly, trying not to let his hurt show. 'Well, he…he'd be mad not to want you, Sirius.'

A strange expression crept over Sirius' face, but he just looked back over at James and Lily and murmured, 'From your lips, Remus…'

10.30pm

Remus frowned, watching the blonde Sixth Year…Marie? Marjorie? Mary?…chatting up Sirius who she'd somehow managed to back into a corner. Jealousy crashed into him, nearly knocking him off his feet with its force, and his hand clenched around the stem of his wine glass. The only thing stopping him from buggering off altogether was the fact that Sirius didn't look thrilled by the girl's attention - the look on his face similar to that of a trapped animal. Normally, Sirius would love the attention, but Remus supposed he was afraid his bloke would see him with a girl and get all huffy.

Sirius' earlier confession had given Remus a modicum of hope for a moment, but it soon faded with Sirius' next revelation that he was already interested in someone. He didn't know which was worse - having a crush on his straight friend and knowing it could never happen, or having a crush on his bisexual friend and knowing that even though it could theoretically happen, it still wasn't going to.

Why not me? What's this bloody bloke got that I don't?

Remus sighed as a thought struck him.

Perhaps it's more what he doesn't have that I do.

Sirius-his-friend accepted Remus' lycanthropy and was the brown-haired boy's strength many mornings after the change, but to deal with having a werewolf as a lover was a completely different prospect. Remus threw the rest of his drink down his throat fast and poured himself another. He resented his lycanthropy already for the pain and disfigurement it caused - now he had one more reason to hate what he was.

'Moony, rescue me.'

Remus looked up from his glass of mead when he heard the hissed words to see Sirius in front of him, the girl - Molly? Mildred? - clutching his arm as she headed for the drinks table. Sirius pleaded with Remus with his slate-grey eyes and Remus sighed as he nodded.

Sirius grinned then put on a straight face as Remus followed them to the drinks table. The werewolf ignored Sirius, instead moving to stand beside the girl…Martha? He took one last sip of what really was a nice glass of mead then tipped the rest of the goblet over the front of her dress.

Much squealing and several apologies later, the girl was being escorted up to her dorm by a friend and a chuckling Sirius had grabbed a bottle of mead and was pulling Remus back into the corner. Once there, he threw his arms around the werewolf and hugged him hard.

'Thanks, Moony. Gods, I just didn't know how to escape. These birds are getting more and more aggressive as they get older.'

Remus tried not be too obvious as he allowed himself a moment to relax into the embrace before he reluctantly pulled back.

'No problem; though I thought you would have liked the attention.'

Sirius grinned at him then busied himself pouring two more glasses mead for them.

'No, not really. I'm not really interested in all that stuff anymore. I'm thinking maybe James has the right idea - find that one person, stick with her, or in this case, him…'

Remus was dismayed that Sirius' feelings for this anonymous bloke ran so deep, but tried not to let it show on his face, looking away from the other boy.

'Never thought I'd see the day you wanted a relationship, Padfoot.'

He could feel Sirius' eyes on him as he murmured, 'People can change, Remus. If they have the right motivation.'

Remus made a noise of agreement, looking around the room for James and Lily - his best female friend living, breathing proof of Sirius' statement. He saw them through the throngs of people and frowned.

'What's happened there?'

Sirius moved to stand next to him and followed Remus' gaze to the couple. As they watched, an agitated Lily struggled to her feet in a dress that was impressively tight then said something to James before storming off. Remus hesitated a moment then went to follow her, but Sirius grabbed his arm.

'No. Let James go after her. Look…' He indicated the bespectacled boy who had shot to his feet and taken off after the redhead. Sirius looked at Remus, who was frowning in concern.

'Why do I get the feeling you know more about Lily's odd behaviour tonight than you're letting on?'

Remus turned to look at Sirius and smiled. 'I don't know, Padfoot. Perhaps you have 'the gift'? You should talk to Professor Maitland about further developing your inner eye.'

Sirius snorted and handed Remus a glass of mead, muttering something under his breath.

'Sorry?' said Remus, but Sirius just shook his head.

'Nothing.' He exhaled sharply, blowing air up to lift his hair off his sweaty forehead. 'Merlin, it's hot in here.'

'Mmm,' Remus agreed then he spilt his drink as his elbow was jostled by the increasingly loud crowd. 'Shit! Sorry, Padfoot.'

'It's too bloody crowded,' Sirius complained, looking at the mead Remus had spilt on his shoes then wiping it off on the couch. 'Want to get out of here? We can come back for the countdown.'

Remus nodded, trying to ignore the swooping sensation in his chest as Sirius grinned and took his hand, the two boys snaking through the crowd and trotting up the stairs to their dorm.

They settled on Remus' bed, both boys kicking their shoes off. It was cooler up here without the body heat of the others and Remus shivered.

'Cold, Moony?'

'Little,' he admitted, thinking he would get under the covers then Sirius' arms were around him and he shivered again - the tremor having nothing to do with the temperature this time.

'You don't mind, do you?'

Sirius breath tickled Remus' ear and the werewolf swallowed hard before he answered in a hoarse voice, 'No. It's okay.'

Sirius shifted, not releasing his hold on Remus, then pulled the other boy down to lie beside him on the mattress. They had lain like this before - after nightmares, after the full moon, after 'The Prank', after Sirius got that particularly nasty Howler from his mother completely disowning him. It was usually comforting, reassuring and warm, but this was different. This was something he'd never experienced before. Never had there been such an undercurrent of tension; never had he felt this prickling of skin or this sudden sizzle of nerve-endings . Remus felt as if he were a rubber band; stretching and stretching until he thought he might snap. He knew he was quivering with the effort it took to hold himself back, and Sirius must have felt his tremors.

'Want to get under the covers?' Sirius asked.

'Huh?' Remus' brain had shut down with Sirius in such close proximity and the brunette repeated himself.

'Are you still cold? You want to get under the blanket?'

Remus shook his head, unable to remember when he'd been cold because he certainly wasn't now - he was overheating if anything and desperately wanted to tear his clothes off his burning skin. He felt Sirius rest his chin on his shoulder and gave in to the desire to lean in. His head fell gently against Sirius' and heard the other boy make an approving sound. Remus' heart was beating so fast, he half-expected it to jump out of his chest. He could feel his body responding to Sirius' touch - his skin scorching even through his clothes wherever Sirius put his hands, his mouth going dry, his cock becoming embarrassingly hard from the simple hug.

'I'm glad you aren't freaking out that I'm touching you after what I told you,' Sirius said softly, his voice cascading over Remus' senses like silk over skin. 'James or Peter would have if I'd told them then did this.'

Remus managed to get words past the lump in his throat, although they came out sounding a little squashed.

'James and Peter show affection by punching me on the arm. I'm just happy you don't leave bruises.'

Sirius let out a quiet breath of amusement and Remus closed his eyes as warm air wafted over the sensitised skin on his neck. They were quiet for a long time and Remus was starting to wonder if Sirius had fallen asleep when the other boy spoke again.

'You never answered my question earlier.'

Remus frowned, trying to recall the conversation - not easy when he couldn't actually remember his own name right now.

'When I told you I fancied blokes,' Sirius reminded him. 'I asked you if you'd ever been attracted to another guy. You didn't answer.'

Remus stiffened and Sirius shifted, those grey eyes burning into Remus' own. Remus felt himself getting lost, control and common sense rapidly escaping his grasp.

'Remus? Have you?'

All his life, Remus had thought things out thoroughly, carefully weighing the pros and cons then deciding on the most appropriate course of action. Why his sense of logic and reason chose to desert him at that moment, he'd never know, but flee it did, which led to the werewolf doing the most inappropriate thing possible.

He leaned over and kissed Sirius on the lips.

It was fast - so fast Remus might not have realised it had even happened if he wasn't staring at Sirius' shocked face. The werewolf flushed deeply, berating himself viciously inside his head as he pulled away from Sirius. The other boy grabbed his arm, hanging on tightly.

Remus tried to pull it from his grasp, mumbling, 'We should go back downstairs. We'll miss the countdown.'

'Remus, you can't just leave after that. You…kissed me. Explain.'

'Moment of weakness? Mistaken identity? Too much mead…?'

'Latent homosexuality?'

Remus sighed and pulled his arm out of the death grip Sirius had on it then sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and hiding his pale face in his hands.

It could be worse. At least he hasn't hexed my balls off yet.

'Are you gay, Moony?'

'I…I think so…yes. Fuck. I am gay. I'm a fucking queerwolf.'

'Queerwolf?'

'It's a rare variety - shirt lifting fucking werewolf. There's only one of me though, seeing as we can't actually fucking breed…'

There was a moment of silence then:

'You're really attracted to men?'

'Yeah.'

'Thank Merlin.'

Remus looked up and was startled to see the look of mingled delight and relief on Sirius' face.

He asked hesitantly, 'Why do you say that?'

Sirius inhaled deeply then let it out in a rush as he said, 'Because at least I don't have to try and convince you to switch teams as well as getting you to shag me rotten.'

Considering he was quite an intelligent person, Remus knew that he could be as remarkably stupid as anyone else at times and it appeared that this was one of those times.

'Sorry? What?'

Sirius smiled and reached out, taking one of Remus' hands in his. 'That guy I was talking about earlier? The one that made me realise I liked boys? It's you, Remus. Shit, it's only you. I can't think about anyone else.'

Remus blinked. He was hearing the words he thought he would die to hear, but it was like they weren't getting through.

'I…you…'

Sirius, never a particularly patient person, gave up on verbal explanations and tried a different approach on the temporarily linguistically-challenged werewolf - he kissed him.

Quite an effective approach as it turned out as the wall of self-preservation that had been blocking Remus' comprehension didn't stand a chance against the tsunami of pure pleasure that swept through the werewolf as Sirius - as straightforward as ever - wasted no time in making Remus aware of his libidinous intentions. The Animagus' lips were softly demanding, his tongue insistent as it tasted Remus' bottom lip then, when Remus' lips parted, it swept across the werewolf's tongue in a broad stroke. Remus moaned and, feeling he had been idle for far too long, plunged his tongue into Sirius' warm mouth, the other boy's groan of raw need reverberating along Remus' tongue and shooting south to vibrate through his cock. Mouths moved hungrily, urgently until a loud shout and thundering footsteps outside the dorm door broke them apart.

They stared at each other, breath coming hard and fast then, as the sound of footsteps faded, Remus croaked out, 'Er, I kind of fancy you too.'

His words eased the tension between them and Sirius grinned, letting out a relieved breath.

'Where did you learn to kiss like that, Moony? Have you been holding out on me and secretly snogging your way through Hogwarts?'

Remus flushed and raised a hand to his throbbing lips. 'No, I'm not a tart like some people,' he muttered. 'I've kissed two people. You want names?'

'Hell no!'

Sirius moved fast, grabbing Remus' shirt and pushing, both of them tumbling back onto the mattress. The brunette's face came closer to Remus' then stopped just before their lips touched.

'I don't care who you've been with before, as long as you know you're mine now.'

He lowered his mouth to Remus' again and shifted so his body was aligned with the werewolf's. Remus groaned as the weight of his friend pressed down on him, then gasped as their fabric-covered cocks rubbed together with a delicious friction.

'Gods…'

'You like that?'

Sirius lifted his head a little and Remus gazed into his stormy grey eyes, caught in the maelstrom and feeling himself going under fast.

'Yeah. You?'

'Oh, yeah. You want me to do it again?'

Remus' breathing became ragged and he could feel Sirius' heart beating frantically against his own.

'Yes.'

Sirius bit his lip, a little uncertainty colouring his face.

'I could be complete pants at this, Moony. I've never done it before.'

Remus touched Sirius' face, trailing his finger tips along the other boy's shadowed jaw.

'Neither have I. We'll figure it out together.'

Sirius' eyes dilated until Remus could no longer see any grey - just a dark and prurient gleam that set off a visceral reaction in the werewolf - then he crashed his lips back to Remus'. They kissed urgently, desperately as he parted the werewolf's legs with his own, pushing their groins together wantonly. Remus moaned, all sense of propriety flying out the window in the face of the indescribable pleasure undulating through him, gathering low in his grinding groin. Sirius mumbled something unintelligible into Remus' mouth and shoved his hands under the werewolf's arse, clutching at the rounded flesh there and trying to pull him harder against him. Remus could understand the fervent need to be closer and wrapped his legs around the brunette's waist. The kiss became sloppy, messy as, intoxicated by the sensations rushing through them, they lost all control and restraint, frotting hard and fast, revelling in the exquisite feeling of their stiff cocks dragging over each other.

'R…Rem…fuck…'

The raw, naked want in Sirius' voice made Remus' balls tighten and with the next thrust of the other boy's hips, Remus cried out loudly as he exploded, the world going black as his eyes rolled back into his head from the force of his release. His body was still pulsing when he heard Sirius yell out his name and shudder violently above him. A few more rolls of their hips drew out every last ounce of bliss for them then Sirius collapsed onto Remus, burying his face in the werewolf's neck as they both tried to catch their breath.

'Oh, Gods,' Sirius huffed, raising his tousled head and staring down at Remus with heavily hooded eyes. 'We've got to do that again.'

Remus chuckled then moaned as Sirius shifted and their sensitive, spent cocks brushed together again. The brunette rolled onto his side, slinging an arm over Remus and pulling him close. Remus turned his head, unable to help his grin when he saw how thoroughly debauched Sirius looked.

Sirius smiled at him as well, stroking a palm over Remus' stubbled jaw and making an approving sound.

'I really do like it when you miss a day of shaving. I've been wondering for ages what it would feel like to kiss you unshaved.' He smirked. 'I like my man to be rough and ready.'

His words sparked a recollection for Remus - a question he'd wanted to ask.

'Sirius, did you mean what you said before? That I'm…yours?'

Sirius smiled and nodded, nuzzling their noses together playfully. 'Yep. It might have taken me six years to admit it, but I've always known - we belong together, Remus. It's that simple.'

Remus smiled - a slow, beatific smile - and he lifted his head, catching Sirius' lips with his own as he heard the countdown start downstairs.

'Ten, nine, eight, seven…'

'Happy New Year, Pads,' he mumbled against Sirius' lips.

'…six, five, four…'

Sirius smiled. 'Happy New Year, Moony,' he whispered before deepening the kiss, ignoring the whistles and singing from downstairs, losing themselves in their own private celebrations.

'…three, two, one…Happy New Year!'