Work Text:
ONE SHOT
He is music to my eyes. It was a definitely illogical phrase, but it always crossed the blond's mind every time he saw the man that he was sure was the love of his life.
"Do you believe in soul mates?" The black-haired man asked, lying on his partner's chest.
"No, but I'm sure if they existed, you would be mine," he replied. That's what Dean Winchester thought, a 32-year-old guy and one of the most internationally recognized singers and songwriters, especially after being a former member of the band composed of his brother, Sam and ... Castiel, his love lifetime.
That band ... was a sea of memories for the three of them, good and bad, although after 6 years together, in which they were 'One of the most successful bands of all time'—as the press had said— they decided to take separate paths. That was what the press and the world said, but in reality, the separation was the consequence of Dean and Castiel's relationship.
9 years before
The band's anniversary had taken all three of them by surprise, especially since they had been extremely busy. They did not know if they were sad or happy to have come so far, but they did know that they were tired, that the world asked a lot of them when they were only young people who were not more than 25 years old.
None of them had time for their families anymore, because they spent it in the studio or on tour, their producers asked a lot of them and ... the anniversary had just flown by. They only knew that the only thing that kept them going was their relationship because they knew they were full of support. While the world did not know, just Sam because he was a member of the band, it was sure that Dean and Castiel loved each other.
They hadn't been able to come out of the closet, having all the cameras on them practically all the time, they couldn't even go out and hold hands, but for a short moment, they were happy to be hidden.
Sam, Dean and Castiel, the members of the happy band were sitting in the trailer, exhausted from the long day, but all three still had a smile on their faces, while Dean and Castiel were huddled against each other, their hands clasped. When they finished the glass of wine, they put it on the table, and Sam had gone to sleep. They were about to do the same until their producer walked in, without even knocking on the door, with an accusing, disappointed and tired look.
"You two and I have to talk," he had said dryly.
“Chuck? What's up?” Dean asked. Castiel had a somewhat scared look and Dean took his hand fearlessly, knowing that Chuck knew of their relationship.
“You have to end this. The press is becoming suspicious of your relationship, and this is not at all convenient for us.”
“But ... it's not a rumour Chuck. Dean and I are together.” Cas had replied, not giving much thought to the situation.
“You're not listening to me guys ... this is not convenient for us. You both know that I support you, but we can't let people walk away because two members of the band are in a relationship. I'm sorry, but ... Dean, I need you to pretend to be dating Lisa Braeden.”
“Wait, man, what ?! I'm not going to do that!,” Dean exclaimed, clearly unhappy with the order.
“I'm sorry, really, but we can't take risks that this comes to light, so ... either you guys break up, or you pretend to be dating Lisa, make a quick decision, or I'm going to separate you, whatever it takes." He said, to then leave the trailer in the same way that he had entered, leaving Dean thinking about the situation, and Castiel with tears in his eyes.
Dean walked into the living room of the apartment he shared with Cas, still somewhat asleep. He had woken up to the feeling that Cas's light weight was no longer by his side, and that he was hugging a pillow instead of the black-haired guy.
“Cas? Are you here?” He asked, searching the room for his partner, knowing that there were times when Cas had to go out to do things and he didn't want to wake him up so he just didn't and Dean found the apartment empty. Shit, he had told him to stop doing that. They had been dating for almost 3 years and both were ecstatic to be together, it must be said.
Dean kept walking when he received no answer and found Castiel in the study, totally lost in what he was doing. He had a pencil in his hand and as he rhythmically tapped the ground with his foot, he kept writing on the sheet in front of him. Dean guessed he was writing some song and smiled, but seeing his wistful little look his mind was flooded with memories, feeling guilt along with the events that made the press go crazy.
'Castiel Novak collapses in the middle of a concert at MSG •'
'BREAKING NEWS: Castiel Novak cries in the middle of the concert, what happened?'
'Is Castiel Novak emotionally weak?'
Dean was sure he hated the media for that. Castiel had felt extremely bad about collapsing in the middle of the concert, and everyone took him for someone who did not know how to control himself emotionally, but in the end, no one ever understood what had happened, more than Dean, and he was always going to blame himself for that.
7 years before
Castiel was tired, exhausted, despite the fact that in a couple of hours it would be the big concert. Questions from journalists and fans overwhelmed him and he felt like he could collapse at any moment. He'd had several fights with Dean, but he just didn't seem to understand.
When Dean arrived, he pretended that everything would be as usual, and definitely, that was the root of the next fight, where they both said hurtful things, and they did not stop until they were called to the stage, while Sam watched, his eyes teary.
About four hours later, the concert had started and they were in the middle of it, singing, sweaty, their heads somewhat aching. They were performing a slow song, so he had decided to sit down, while the people in the stadium shouted excitedly. It really was one of the biggest gigs they had ever done, and Cas wished he could be happy, but ... he couldn't.
The lyrics of the song brought back memories, mainly about Dean, about the fight they had had hours ago, that's why Cas had written it, for occasions like those, but if he had known what was going to happen, he would have thought twice.
Dean finished singing, to give way to Castiel, who nodded after the blonde's verse and began with his own, but Dean's memories flooded his mind and ... in the middle of the verse his voice broke.
He moved away from the microphone so as not to spoil everything with his little sobs and to his terrible luck, of course, everyone had noticed that he had stopped singing in the middle of a word, of course, everyone knew he was crying. He just sat there, covering his face with his hands so that no one would see him and trying to stifle his groans.
"Can you give us a few seconds?" Dean said into the microphone, warning the silent audience. Upon his request, the band stopped playing, while Sam and Dean stood up to Cas, who was still in the same position.
"Cas ... baby," Dean said once he was at his side, taking his arm so that he could see him. Cas, I'm sorry, baby, forgive me.” Dean could feel his wet eyes, but he didn't care. Cas stood up, his eyes wet with tears and some leaking down his cheeks. The audience gave a long ovation to cheer the brunette, who smiled despite the sadness inside. The audience gave him a long applause and Cas got up from his seat, thanking the support, and telling Dean that he was fine, when it was clearly not true.
"Love?" Cas called, a worried look on his face. Dean had stood there watching him for a few seconds and Cas thought he was lost in his mind.
Dean, hearing the nickname that Cas used to give him, lifted his face, finding Cas looking at him, leaving his pencil aside and the melancholic gaze in the past.
"Hi baby," Dean greeted, coming back to reality and flooding himself once again into Cas's perfect 30-year-old face. His sapphire blue eyes and the short beard that he always had, but that Dean didn't like because it itched.
"You got up earlier again," Dean claimed with a small pout and Cas smirked.
"I had an idea, and I wanted to write it," Cas explained and Dean nodded, confirming his suspicions: Cas was writing music. In fact, when the band was active, the dark-haired man usually wrote the songs for the band, keeping in mind that his lyrics were always beautiful.
"Are you thinking of going back to the studio soon?" Dean asked, out of curiosity. He had seen Cas more than once writing in the last week, that meant he had new ideas.
Cas nodded as he got up, then took Dean by the hand and led him into the kitchen.
"I still don't know when, but I have several ideas that I want to try," said Cas and Dean smiled. They both made it to the kitchen and Cas took the coffee pot and two cups. Do you want coffee? ”He offered, but then saw that Dean was lost in his mind again.
6 years before
Dean walked into the study, hand in hand with Lisa. In the distance, he saw Cas in a small dining room, his voice humming the rhythm with which he possibly wanted a new song.
'Music To My Eyes' was the title that Dean had managed to read despite the distance. Dean didn't want to distract him so he just went on his way with Lisa, who according to her wanted to show him something.
Dean didn't even know why he was doing that, if they were nothing. He was dating Cas and he was only with her because of the press, she knew that.
The fight with Castiel a year before had been left behind, but when the media asked Cas he still felt bad, because many said that he had cried in front of thousands of people just to get attention, but Dean always defended him in those cases. They were still dating, and even though they were in the dark, Cas was still happy. Dean ... he wasn't really sure.
He was tired, and he wasn't sure Cas deserved that. He deserved to be happy and he definitely never would be with Dean.
By the time he realized it, Lisa had taken him to a room away from the study, and the blonde frowned.
“Lisa? What are we doing here? ”He questioned, but she started to kiss him hard. Dean ... he was lost in thought and his mind was not clear, that was his excuse.
They continued kissing, as if their lives were going to be lost on it until they heard the door open, and immediately parted ways, but they knew that the person who entered had seen them.
Dean shook his head and saw it. Cas. It was Cas.
"D-Dean?" He murmured, not believing what he had just seen. Yes, Dean was dating Lisa for the press, but why were they passionately kissing in a closet?
“Cas ... Cas is not what he seems baby, I swear. Please listen to me,” Dean tried to explain with wet eyes, as Lisa came out of the closet and Cas cried.
“Do not tell me that! What's your explanation, huh?! '' Cas exclaimed, incredibly angry and disappointed, tears running down his cheeks.
“I-I ... baby ... I don't know how I allowed it, but baby you know that the relationship with Lisa is a farce, you know that …”
“And?! You also have to pretend to have sex with her in a fucking closet?! No, Dean! Fuck you!” Cas noticed the tears on his cheeks and his uncontrollable sobs.
“Cas, yes...you're right, I'm sorry, but don't leave me. Baby I love you, I love you, I…”
“If you loved me, you wouldn't do this to me! I'm sick, Dean! Fed up! So if you want, keep kissing Lisa as if it were the only kiss you've ever given! Because this is over, and I swear to you, I'm not going to let you touch me again. I swear you are going to be miserable all your life because that happens to stupid fools like you!” He screamed, his sobs stifled before slamming the closet door and leaving Dean heartbroken and tears streaming down his throat. his face, but Dean knew that his heart was definitely no more broken than Castiel's.
"Dean!" The aforementioned came out of his thoughts, thanks to the little cry that Castiel gave him. He shook his head and saw the handsome dark-haired man in front of him, the brown breed on the kitchen counter.
“Sorry baby, I just …”
"You're thinking about what happened again, aren't you?" He said, and when Dean sighed, Cas knew he had hit the mark.
“Dean ... I forgave you years ago. Leave the past behind, love.” Cas said, but Dean couldn't meet his eyes. After all, Dean had been responsible for what had happened, even after the fight. He had been the one to blame for the band's breakup, because he knew that if he hadn't played Lisa's game, Cas wouldn't have even suggested it.
5 years before
"Cas, listen ... are you sure? Guys, the three of us know, we are one of the biggest bands in the world, and… you want to break it up? ”Sam asked, not wanting to believe what Castiel had just suggested. He had gathered them in his NY apartment and dropped it like a 'I want to break up the band' bomb.
It was evident between them and even to the media that things were tense between Cas and Dean. They weren't looking into each other's eyes like before, no smiles, no hugs, no touches, nothing. Maybe ... that was the reason.
"Sam, I know, and I'm really sorry, but ... I can't go through with this," Cas said, his eyes watering, looking at Dean after a long time. I can not. I can't see you every day without touching you, or kissing you, or ... seeing you without thinking about what happened, hating your damn face but loving you at the same time, Dean I can't, ”he admitted. Dean felt extremely guilty about what had happened, but ... split the band? He felt a tear slide down his cheek at Castiel's words and he cursed himself, something he did a thousand times every day. And Sam ... we've been through a lot together, I'm really sorry, because you have nothing to do with this and we're hurting you, because you're in the middle of both and ... I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, "said the Blue-eyed, seeing Sam's crystal clear eyes. If you want I can ... I can get out of the band but ..."
"You know that isn't going to work Castiel," Dean growled and Castiel frowned.
"So now you're angry? Now is this my fault? ”Castiel accused, feeling his face heat up.
"Of course it is! We can make this work, but you're selfish and-!"
"Guys, stop it!" Sam exclaimed, watching the fight turn hurtful. He sighed, and after passing his hand over his face. “If you want it that way ... fine. Let's split the band.”
“Dean, stop. We live in the present. Our lives are good now. We don't have to hide or lie. so please ... stop living in the past.” Castiel told him. He knew it wasn't easy, not even for himself it had been, but he had already done it. “Besides, in two days you're leaving and ... I want to be with you. God ...I'm going to miss you so much..." he stated, hiding his face in Dean's neck, who hugged him tightly. In two days, Dean was leaving on his world tour, so he would not see Cas for almost 4 months. He had told him to go with him, but the dark-haired man had refused, saying that although he was going to miss him, at that time he would record his new album.
Dean sighed, holding his position and then smiled. Cas was right, he should stop living in the past.
———[]———
4 months later
Dammit! That was what Dean exclaimed for the fifth time in the morning, after exiting the plane. Yeah, he loved singing and the whole thing but ... but he hated airplanes.
It had been 4 months since he started his world tour, and he was exhausted, his voice worn out, but despite everything, the only thing he could think about was Castiel was the only thing his mind gave him. He missed him so much ... Cas was in the study, and he wasn't home until the evening, so Dean would have to stay in the apartment, alone, until Cas finished and went to rest. Dean knew that when it came to making music, Cas was something of a perfectionist, so making a full album took more time than usual.
Upon arriving at the apartment, he sat on the sofa and sighed, listening to the radio at the lowest volume, which he found relaxing. “And here we present, 'Everywhere' by Dean Winchester.” The blonde grunted when listening to the radio and decided to get up and turn off the radio even before the song started. He was tired of his music, honestly. He had sung those songs for 4 months straight and even though they were great songs, he felt like he didn't want to hear them one more time in his life. Hearing some music from Castiel would do him some good, but he was tired enough not to want to get up from the couch.
Inadvertently he fell asleep for a few hours in an awkward position, which would give him back pain later. When he woke up, the sky had already darkened somewhat, and when he checked his watch he was not surprised. 5:43 p.m.
“Cas? Are you there yet? ”He questioned, but the lack of response confirmed that the brunette had not denied, and Dean could not bear his urge to hug him after several months. He sighed, and considered the option of sleeping another while, but heard the door panel move and became alert, with a wide smile that showed his teeth. Castiel had arrived.
The door opened quickly, showing Castiel the same guy who had fallen in love with his voice, the same man with blue eyes who drove him crazy.
Cas turned on the light and smiled in the same way that Dean was doing when he saw him. He was the same, he just looked exhausted. They practically ran towards the other, and ended the tour with the longed-for hug, with Dean's hands on Cas's waist and those of the shorter one around the blond's neck.
"I missed you so much, dear God ..." Cas murmured against his neck and Dean smiled. Unexpectedly, and with strength he didn't even know where he came from, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist and lifted him up, then turned him around like a pair of teenagers.
“Dean! Put me down!” Cas exclaimed with a laugh and Dean obeyed, then placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
"I missed you ..." Dean said without breaking the hug, and Cas smiled. "I love you Cas, I love you so much…” and as always, Cas felt his chest warm at the beautiful words.
“I love you, Dean. I love you, ”he replied. After all, the past was past ... they loved each other in this present, and they were sure they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, and they would do absolutely everything in their power to achieve it. They both walked towards the room, with Dean's hand resting on Cas's hip, ready to express their love in a way they were already used to, and when Castiel arrived, he left the object that he was carrying in his hands on the nightstand. . It was his most recent musical work, and the dark-haired man wanted Dean to listen to it, but all that could wait, even that project to which he had put so much effort. That project that told his story with Dean.
'Music To My Eyes' was the title that was read on its cover.