Chapter Text
6 months left.
“Good to see you, kid.” Viktor Vektor pulled V into a hug.
It was only a few days since V touched back down on Earth. V felt pained every day that passed, time slowly eating into the 6-month death sentence he signed up for after leaving the empty promises on the Arasaka space station.
“Hey Vik.” V said quietly. He didn’t remember the last time he felt such close human contact, the time spent being poked and prodded by cold doctors fresh in his memory.
“How ya doing? They treat you ok up there? You need me to take a look at ya?” Vik fussed.
“I’m fine Vik.” V forced a smile. “Their bedside manner’s pretty shit, but I’m fine.” He touched the side of his head reflexively. “Like I said when I called… they got the biochip out. I’ll be ok. I just wanted to come by and say hi now that I’m back.”
His guilt V might have felt for lying was overshadowed with the relief he saw pass over Vik’s face. The ripperdoc settled into his stool and leaned forward with elbows perched on his knees.
“You don’t know how glad I am to hear that V, really. Welcome back. If you need anything, let me know ok?” He looked towards the back door into the alley. “Or Misty, you know? She cares about you too.”
V looked down at his feet. “Thanks…”
“So what’s the most feared and fearless merc in all of Night City up to now?”
V turned, studying the anatomical drawings pinned to the walls.
“I… I’m not sure.” He was truthful this time. How does one even begin to live again once they know the end is closing in on them?
He looked down at his phone, saliva catching in his throat as he looked down at the glowing photo on his lock screen. Kerry Eurodyne. He set this background on V’s phone himself after snapping a cheeky selfie a few days before the Arasaka… incident. He was smiling wide in the photo, his blue optics shining, hair coiffed and sharp as ever. V tried to even remember why he was so happy in the photo, but his memories were still so fuzzy after the chip was cut out.
He unlocked the phone and hesitated over the icon to open hundreds of unread messages.
The thought of seeing Kerry again hurt his chest. V didn’t know if he ever wanted to see him any other way than smiling just like that… after all the destruction he brought to Jackie, Johnny, or T-Bug… there’s no way it’s fair to bring that kind of vicissitude back to someone he loved. If he was going to go out, he didn’t want to continue to drag down the people he loved with him.
“Well if you go out and celebrate, be safe ok?”
Celebrate…
V was pulled out of his thoughts, grateful for the distraction. He turned to smile at Vik, pocketing his phone. “I will. Thanks Vik.”
“Another round for the table!” V thrust his empty glass into the air as the table of strangers cheered. V’s arm was slung around a joytoy who was slurring a nonsensical story in his ear, hands pawing at V’s chest. His companion’s bare legs were curled underneath him, the small pair of pants offering little comfort against the blasting cold air-conditioned booth.
The VIP table at the Dicky Twister was covered in empty glasses, eddies, and piles of unusual powders. A smattering of coked-out partiers gathered around him; men in gold-patterned suits and women boasting plumes of brightly-colored feathers and plunging necklines. Studs and chrome plated with all kinds of metals glinted under the flashes of lighting from the dance floor. A waterfront for a neokitsch zoo, all flocking towards him to be spoiled.
The waiter presented V with a fresh drink and he knocked it back, blinking away the wavy vision distortions that hit him immediately.
Several hours earlier V withdrew everything from his account in paper with the intent of a wild night out. He insisted to himself that it was for style, but a thought lingered in his brain that he might not have the wits about him to manage his own accounts once...
V’s phone jingled in his head as a text from Vik came through. He withdrew his arm from the unintelligible joytoy to pull the phone out of his pocket.
you up? Closed up shop for the night. got some cold ones and the title match fight is on. Come by if you want.
“Oh Vik…” V sighed as he put the phone back in his pocket unanswered. He couldn’t help but feel undeserving of the attention; after all, he already owed Vik so much.
“That your boyfriend?” The joytoy slurred. V’s heart fluttered, turning to look him in the eyes.
“What?”
The joytoy gestured at V’s lock screen, “That cutie, are you together?”
V looked down to Kerry’s face for a moment before flipping the screen down.
“No he’s…” he swallowed, struggling to describe what Kerry meant to him now. An ex? An old friend? Surely, someone that he’d rather want to be seen as dead now, rather than cause him heartache being dead in months..
The joytoy placed a hand on his cheek, pulling his face back towards him. “Don’t worry, I’m just here to make you relax. Let’s forget about it.” V nodded, letting the stranger lean forward and push their lips together. V leaned into the kiss, trying to push down the emotions rising into his chest.
He knew this wasn’t the same. He missed Kerry’s warmth, the way the corners of his lips twitched when they kissed as devious ideas came into his head. He missed the smell of real leather and the expensive cologne he dabbed on his neck. He missed the smartass commentary about how V rocked on his toes slightly to be the taller one. He even missed the stale taste of old diner coffee Kerry loved so much.
The joytoy had the tact to ignore V’s tears.
V leaned heavily on the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. He found himself in all sorts of trouble the last four weeks and it showed on his face. Getting tossed out of nightclubs, throwing fists in underground fighting rings, running from the NCPD… it all was taking its toll. His eye socket was bruised and puffy and his lip was split, the rest of his face decorated with cuts and bruises of all shapes and colors.
He brought a hand up to his face and traced his cheekbones… fuck, was he always this... gaunt ?
You look like you’ve already kicked the bucket. Fitting.
V gasped and stepped away as Johnny leered at him somewhere in his mind. Quiet… Johnny always came for him when it was quiet. V only felt alone when his mind was numbed with liquor and loud music. He stumbled out of the bathroom into the club.
Red lasers cut through the air. Deafening bass rocked the concrete floor. The air stank of smoke and bodily fluids of all kinds.
The Totentaz was packed tonight, wall-to-wall crowd thrashing to the hardcore beats blasting out the speakers. Gangbangers and club kids alike moved their bodies together, lost souls searching to channel their rage through synthetic beats. After days of sleepless nights, splitting hangovers, club hopping, and falling from the transactional arms of shallow affection in one motel bed to another, V found himself wandering into an old friend on Maelstrom turf in search of something stronger.
“Preem shit huh??” Dum Dum knocked V hard in the shoulder after he took a long drag of the inhaler he was offered. “You finally gave into the dark side, I like it.” He laughed maniacally and took the inhaler back, huffing it deeply.
V squeezed his eyes shut and took a shuttered breath, leaning back onto the bar. “Don’t know why I let you talk me into this.” He yelled over the music. “My ripperdoc’s gonna fucking kill me if he finds out I’m doing glitter.”
“You’ll forget about a-a-a-all that once you’re over the comeup. Then you’ll thank me.” Dum Dum gave V another firm knock on the back before disappearing into the crowd, his mechanical eyes fading into the clash of neon crimson. V signaled to the bartender and watched as she slowly poured him a new drink, fixated on the bubbles rising from the swirling liquid as he resigned to give into the experience.
V flipped his head back as the drug started to pound through his heart, sweat-covered hair falling out of his eyes. He brought his hands in front of his face. They felt so much lighter now... ghostly shadows trailing behind where he moved.
“Well what the fuck do I have to lose” He murmured, giving the bartop a gentle tap with the glass before shooting the drink back.
“Fuck.” V’s entire body ached as he rolled over and opened his eyes. He was flat on his back in the middle of the road, the sun starting to spread orange across the sky as the early morning approached. He wasn’t sure how he arrived here, or how his chrome hadn’t been picked at by scavs.
You’re one lucky dumbass. That’s always been a trait of yours.
Johnny’s voice.
V threw his body weight to the side, pulling his protesting body onto all fours and a splash of vomit hit the pavement. His chest heaved, gut wrenching as he spewed the vile innards of his digestive tract onto the ground. Unlike the abominable mixture of bile and liquor, he couldn’t purge his unwanted passenger from his brain.
“Leave me alone you bastard.” V hissed aloud, hanging his head in between his arms before sitting back on his haunches.
His entire body ached as if he had been hit by a speeding train. V glanced at the time on his visual display: 4am. It had been hours since he took the hit of glitter and his body was beginning to revolt against the withdrawal.
The drug shot through his blood like wildfire, overriding every emotion and replacing it with an extreme feeling of… joy… and excitement that V had not felt in a very long time. His vision warped into new shapes outside of his imagination. He melted into the sea of bodies, twisting and stretching in random time as the music pumped blood through his body. Friction of flesh and chrome permeated through his muscles and teased every nerve.
He had felt alive, truly alive.
But just as V’s own life was closing in on him, the feeling did not last long before the reality came flooding back even more painful than before. V pulled himself upright on unsteady feet.
This is just sad.
It pained him to admit it but Johnny’s voice was right, it was sad. A star-crossed merc marked for death. His shredded clothing painted with vomit, hungover and brooding in the street under the early morning sky.
He pulled out his phone and stared at his lock screen again, his chest tightening as Kerry’s smiling face appeared on the screen. He traced his finger over it, noticing his own profile shadowed in the corner. He had brought his lips to Kerry’s cheek as the shutter snapped, despite the teasing he knew he would endure for pulling such a cheesy move.
His finger hovered over the call button.
No… he couldn’t burden Kerry with this. He had his own life, a successful one, away from V. Away from his tragedy. There’s nothing that V could offer him if he dragged himself back to his doorstep, begging for forgiveness and being met with overwhelming pity. He tugged the sleeve of his shirt into a ball and pushed back tears that had started to sting his eyes.
V stepped one foot in front of the other, wincing at the pain in his joints as he began his way to the train station. He didn’t have a choice; if he wanted to live the fullest time he has left, languishing in self-pity and destruction was only going to kill him faster.
Tick tock, V.