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It's 3 o'clock in the morning and Ren Amamiya is awake.
At his side is Goro Akechi, soundly sleeping. His forehead is pressed into Ren's shoulder, the briefest contact as soft breaths escape him, and Ren just has to smile. For all of his acts of independence and self-sufficiency, he can't pull the wool over Ren's eyes. Goro's a hell of a clinger in his sleep, as though gravitating to any semblance of physical touch. As though he can't stand the thought of existing so vulnerable and defenseless without Ren close enough to feel. How many nights has Goro spent feeling alone and unwanted? Ren doesn't like to think about it, but he often vows to never let it happen again.
If Goro is clingy, then Ren is ten times clingier. The thought of waking up to find Goro no longer at his side haunts him. There are days when being away from each other for long even has him feeling anxious. He's endured losing Goro too many times to count: to fate, to his cognitive doppelganger, to the authorities, and worst of all, to reality itself. Goro has left him for far too many places that Ren could never follow, try as he might. He's already spent enough time clinging to a glove—a promise—in his stead.
Ren is thirsty, though. It's the reason he's awake at this ungodly hour. And really, Goro's to blame for this one. It was only hours ago that Goro had really put Ren to some goddamn work before they'd both conked out from exhaustion, so he supposes that removing himself from Goro's grasp for a few minutes to get hydrated won't be the end of the world.
(Not that he's any stranger to nearly bringing about the world's end thanks to Goro Akechi, but no one has time to unpack all of that right now.)
Careful not to wake the light sleeper taking space in his bed, Ren heads downstairs for a glass of ice water, ignoring the dull ache in his lower back from use. Just the splash of water against his throat does wonders to soothe him, chugging the entirety of the glass within seconds. He returns to bed before long, seeking a way to sneak back to Goro's side despite the creaking floorboards protesting every step of the way. Ren soon slides into the sheets with stealth, successful. But when the darkness settles in his vision, Ren can see it: Goro's sharp eyes, staring straight at him like a dagger cutting through air.
Sneaking past shadows in Palaces was a hell of a lot easier than trying to avoid disturbing Goro's sleep. That, or Ren was just getting rusty at the whole "infiltration" thing.
"...Sorry, honey. Didn't mean to wake you," Ren whispers to him.
Goro's beautiful in one of Ren's shirts and not much else. Ren really likes the "not much else" part. Those long legs of his could inspire poetry. "It's alright." Goro's grown accustomed to the cheesy pet name by now, embarrassing as it is. "I was just wondering where you were headed."
"I was gonna go say hi to my other boyfriend," Ren deadpans.
Goro sighs. "You're not funny."
"I was just thirsty. Like, for water."
The irritation in Goro's gaze softens. "What, all this thirst when you have me?"
"It's because of you I'm so thirsty," Ren points out. "You gave me a workout earlier. All the... riding." His ass still hurts—in the way he loves.
"Of course I did. I don't want a half-assed performance from you." Goro hums and lays his head onto Ren's shoulder, running a bemused finger down Ren's bare chest. "I suppose you... exceeded my expectations. As usual."
"I'd never give anything less than a whole-assed effort," Ren says with double meaning, his arm going around Goro's shoulder to pull him in close.
When his chest is bare like this, cuddling feels... cozy. Intimate. Sometimes Ren’s extremities get cold, and he can often rely on Goro to leech some heat from his always-warm body (which can piss him off when Ren gives no warning before putting his cold ass hands on him). The intoxicating happiness really feels like a dream. As Futaba had once said, it was like they unlocked the "true" ending by sticking to their convictions. And all with zero assistance from well-intentioned-yet-power-hungry school counselors at that. Ren always felt that holding on to Goro’s glove would someday pave the way to his true desires, even if it meant fighting for those desires with his own hard efforts.
Ren's eyelids find themselves sliding shut from the sheer comfort of their togetherness. "Mm... sleepy."
"Well, I'm not. You woke me up, you know."
Ren's eyes flutter open.
Goro must have noticed that quick reaction, because Ren can hear the smirk in his voice. "I won't let you return to sleep so easily after that kind of inconvenience."
Ren huffs out a breath. Goro knows that he has the power to excite Ren stupidly easily, has Ren wrapped around his finger—and he's goddamn right. Combined with his sleepiness, it paves an easy way to arousal. "What are you gonna do to me?" he asks, trying not to sound excited.
"Nothing you'll complain about."
Ren's up for a lot. In Goro-speak, this could mean almost anything.
"Hit me," Ren insists, interested anyways.
Goro chuckles. "I'll indulge your masochism another day."
Before Ren can say words, what he's managing is a strangled-sounding gasp. After all, Goro moves quickly and efficiently when he's established a goal, a predator moving in on prey, and his hand is in Ren's pajama pants in record time, slowly palming his hard cock.
"Well, this part of you is certainly awake," Goro comments, feeling Ren throb within his grasp. "Really, Ren? So quickly?"
"Goro..." Ren groans, lazily rocking his hips into Goro's hand. It feels good to grind, to let his precum smear along Goro's hand instead of getting his boxers dirty. "Yeah, of course. I mean... it's you."
Goro absorbs the praise like always. It's not like Ren is bullshitting him just to feed his ego. Goro is a force of nature who is constantly leaving Ren breathless. He sticks to his own principles no matter the shadows that lie ahead and doesn't waver. Goro may never formally agree to have been a real member of the Phantom Thieves, but he did succeed in stealing Joker's heart. In Ren's eyes, that makes him a phantom thief of his own accord. He really has far too much power, and it gets Ren on his knees.
That's just the way it is when Goro Akechi is the one calling the shots. Goro takes what he wants and Ren is ready to give him everything he has to offer and then some.
"You're in luck, Ren. Flattery may get you somewhere tonight," Goro says, continuing to jerk Ren's cock with mild interest. An act, of course—as if Goro could ever regard Ren's receptive body with anything less than wanton fascination. Goro's hand strokes and Ren's hips thrust, as though in sync. It's almost seamless, the way they work together like a well-oiled machine. But there's a beautiful sense of chaos about their dissonance, the parts that don't quite match up. A natural melody born from erratic synchronicity, like jazz music itself.
Ren moans, feeling euphoric. All he has to do is lay here and let Goro please him, leisurely stuttering his hips up into Goro's hungry grip. "F-Feels so... good... Goro..."
Goro allows Ren to get lost in the sensation from Goro’s hand jerking his cock, before completely releasing him. "That's enough, don't you think?" he says, so pleasant it almost sounds cold.
Ren's a quiet one, but he really is speechless right now, panting softly. He wants to keep fucking into Goro's hand, but there's nothing but cool night air surrounding his area craving the most attention. Despite Ren's whines in protest, he finds this exciting too. Goro has something up his sleeve and Ren knows it. Hell, if Goro wants to dangle something good in front of him, Ren has no reservations about playing the role of starved animal. Ren's endured a lot in his life, but none of it is ever as sweetly rewarding as Goro's teasing.
"Honestly, Ren... you're the one who woke me up. Nothing about allowing you to relax while I tire trying to satisfy you makes any sense for me, now does it?" Goro patronizes. "If anything, you're just adding to your debt to me."
Ren raises an eyebrow. "A debt?"
"Yes," Goro sighs. "One that's collecting interest, and quickly at that."
Sounds hot. I'm in. "Well, that's no good,” Ren says. “I should pay that before more debt collectors show up." Goro can turn anything into something sexy—even something as miserable as owing someone debt—but things like debts and promises are a common theme between them. In their world, it works.
Goro chuckles. "Fortunately for you, you may be eligible for debt forgiveness."
"Tell me what I need to do, then."
"Not much, really. I'll even allow you to remain as you are. I'm feeling extremely generous tonight, so I can spare a bit of kindness for you. You truly are lucky that you're cute... Ren." Lust builds in Goro's voice the more he speaks. He's ever the star actor, but Ren always finds the string that rips open the seams in Goro's composure, exposing his insides. This is just a bit of playful banter for them, but the effect Ren has had on him since the day they crossed paths holds Goro's heart in a vice grip.
As Goro maneuvers himself on top of him, Ren can almost feel him shaking with need. Ren doesn't know what to expect. Maybe Goro will fuck him again, and Ren can already feel his insides pleasantly aching for round two.
Instead, what he gets is Goro's thighs on either side of his head, his balls hovering not too far from the bridge of Ren's nose. It's hard to see in the darkness, but the sight above him is unmistakable. This is... oh.
Oh.
Ren swallows dryly. Did he say he was thirsty? Now he's absolutely parched.
"Well? Are you going to gawk at it, or are you going to eat?" Goro scoffs, irritated. Ren knows he isn't really mad, though. It's just a mask for Goro to hide how flustered he is from performing such a daring maneuver. Ren has eaten Goro out a few times already, but it's the first time Goro has ever sat on his face, which was, in a sense, demanding him to do it. Despite the burning sense of embarrassment, Goro's aching for Ren's tongue on him, on the most private and intimate part of his body. "If you won't, your interest will— nnh, hah, Ren..."
"Heh... you're forward," Ren whispers in perverted gratitude after the brief little lick to Goro's ass. "You taste different like this... it's good." Ren sighs in satisfaction, reaching up to spread Goro apart for another taste of him. This time, Ren's tonguing directly at his hole, dragging his tongue over and across it. Licking, savoring. It's all completely external, and yet, Goro is moaning above him, helplessly rocking his hips. It feels amazing, but it's nowhere near enough for him.
"D-Don't be shy," Goro manages between his panting. "Enter me."
"Mm," Ren groans, sucking at Goro's hole a little, lapping it with his tongue. Then, he carefully slips it inside Goro's ass, dipping just past the rim that's now gripping his tongue.
Goro's eyes snap open from the sensation, and he's soon moaning in pleasure. "Ah..."
Fuck, Goro likes this. Encouraged, Ren suddenly slips his tongue into Goro's ass as far as it will go. Granted, it's not far—hardly far enough to reach his sweet spot, although it's close—but it's enough to drive him crazy, just the tease of it, the sensuality of Ren fucking Goro with his tongue, thrusting it in and out of him.
"Hnn, Ren... is that all you've got? Frankly, I'm disappointed..."
"Liar," Ren rasps out, pulling back to bite hard on Goro's inner thigh, eliciting a near scream from him. "You've been leaking precum on my face for a few minutes now. You fucking love this— mmnph—"
Goro shuts him up by grinding his ass on Ren's face, and Ren greedily accepts it by shoving his tongue in him again, making Goro moan and moan and ride, fucking himself on Ren's tongue.
"Ren, Ren, Ren!"
Ren is groaning, reaching for Goro's cock. Goro's giving him a hell of a performance, he has to reward the effort—
"No," Goro pants, batting it away. His brows are knitted together, a layer of sweat leaving him hot and flushed. "Don't..."
"Why?" Ren asks, panting hard against the delicate skin just behind Goro's balls, and licks it as he goes for gripping Goro's thighs instead. They're trembling under his touch.
"Ah, because... I find that it feels best to climax while you're inside me."
Ren stiffens, his own dick giving a hard jerk at that. Goro laughs, breathy; he didn't have to see it himself to understand Ren's reaction.
"Really... you react so quickly to the most cliché lines I can think of," Goro remarks.
"They're clichés for a reason. They work," Ren states.
"And here I thought you were a cut above the rest, Joker. But you're just another man."
"So are you."
Ren wonders if it's normal to have this kind of conversation with his head between Goro's thighs, staring straight ahead at Goro's asshole, his eyes long since past adjusting to the darkness in the attic and perceiving every detail of him. Goro would say that it's certainly not normal, but it's their normal; a normal neither of them would trade even the greatest of Metaverse treasures.
"I suppose I'll go easy on you today," Goro suggests, "since you were so kind to me earlier, riding me like a whore. You must be aching." As he's speaking, Goro begins to crawl down the length of Ren's body.
Ren's face was certainly not left in a holy state. He's flushed and covered in his own saliva, his lips wet and swollen. In addition to that, there's a smatter of precum across his cheek and even his forehead. Ren is a hot, trembling mess. But he's Goro's hot mess, and he wears it like a badge of honor.
"Isn't that what you're about to do?" Ren challenges, watching him with amusement, excitement, arousal. Most notably, he's grinning without the slightest hint of shame in his expression. "I mean, since I'm so sore and all." Maybe he's exaggerating the current state of his lower back, maybe he isn't. It's a secret that dies with him.
"Not like a whore," Goro corrects him, reaching for the lube that's inevitably beneath Ren's temporary bed setup. "Like a man who's here to collect his debt."
"Right. The debt."
"Yes," Goro reminds him, his breath growing more ragged by the second—the inevitable result of sliding two slicked fingers into his own ass, an addition to the way Ren had expertly loosened him with that irritatingly skilled mouth. "Y-Your... your debt to me, Ren. Until you pay it, it certainly wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination to suggest that I essentially own you."
Ren sucks in a breath at the painfully erotic sight of Goro above him, stretching himself open for Ren's convenience. Ren's cock gives another hard twitch. "So in other words, I'm your bitch."
Goro chuckles, the sound of it far more unsteady and breathless compared to its usual gentle tone. "Your words, not mine."
"It's not so bad," Ren manages, "being your fucktoy."
"You keep throwing out titles I haven't assigned you myself. Are you so desperate?"
"For you, yeah. I'd be anything you want."
It's really just the usual dirty talk, but Goro knows the off-hand comments Ren throws out are not as off-hand as he tries to make them sound. Ren is something Goro just can't understand. In Goro's eyes, he's an idiot with a chronic case of brainless sentimentality. And apparently he gets off on it, too. The former leader of the Phantom Thieves is a just a coward who should spare his groveling for someone who isn't in the business of breaking his heart again and again.
But Goro is too selfish to handle the thought of Ren belonging to another. Needing somebody is already significant for him, but allowing someone to need him changed the course of his life. Suddenly, the sensation of his own fingers plunging in and out of his ass feels like nothing. He can do so much better. Ren always makes him yearn for more.
"Haha..." Goro trails off, trying to avoid seeming affected by what was likely just mindless bedroom talk. For a moment, he hides his eyes with his fringe. "You can't become what I want. It's something you already are."
Ren gazes up at him, already searching for the meaning behind Goro's words. He knows when the things Goro says hold more meaning beyond what's being said, and his mind gets to work before he's even finished processing the thought. Catching Goro's little cues is like instinct now. But Goro will always love acting painfully ambiguous, and no amount of understanding will ever change that. "How do you figure?" Ren asks, his eyes focused on the way Goro's lifting himself over Ren's cock, aiming it expertly at his ready hole.
"I figure," Goro breathes in a voice shaking with anticipation, pressing the head of Ren's aching cock against his ass, sinking his body onto it, "that you're simply mine."
Ren gasps at the sensation of tight, wet heat slowly enveloping his pulsing cock, desperate to keep his hips steady. He’s trying to let Goro have this moment, even though he's rejecting every instinct to pound into him senseless. "That's... true," he breathes. "I-I've been yours since the day we met."
Goro's heat throbs around Ren's cock, his brows knitted in concentration as he takes Ren deeper. His thighs are shaking just holding himself up like this. "Really? The day at the TV station? You h-hardly... you didn't know shit about me."
Ren's cock is aching like mad about halfway into Goro's ass, his urge to fuck him going insane. He struggles to keep his voice steady. "Yeah. As soon as I realized you were just like me.” He flinches when Goro clenches tight around him. “Nngh—”
"Ha. And you deduced such a thing from that brief conversation? Really, you are..." Goro can't even describe Ren in words sometimes, but especially not when he's this wildly horny. Ren's answers truly never disappoint him. He sits himself on Ren's lap at once, easing onto his cock the rest of the way as Ren is immediately buried inside him, making the both of them cry out.
"F-Fuck, Goro," Ren pants helplessly, looking blissed out from the sudden shock of pleasure. "Fuck."
"Yes, that's the idea," Goro manages in agreement, and his voice isn't even half as controlled as he had intended it to be. "Fucking until I've had enough."
Goro certainly doesn't waste any time about it. He holds onto Ren's shoulders for leverage and begins to lift himself off of his lap, easing the near entirety of Ren's cock out of him. It's only holding on from the head just barely inside him, the best and worst possible tease. For the longest of moments, the only sound heard in the attic is their panting, as though time stands still in the anticipation of what's to come, even though Goro's just cruelly taunting him. He succumbs fast, though, and is soon sinking down the full length of Ren's cock again with a loud moan, engulfing it in tight heat. Ren's entire body gives a hard shudder at the immediate sensation, like the starved animal's been finally given a treat for his patience. Goro sets a pace on his lap, rocking his hips and riding Ren’s dick with feverish intensity. "Fuck, yes, Ren...!"
Ren is panting with heaving breaths, writhing as Goro takes what he wants. He reaches for Goro's hips, yanking them down as he begins thrusting up, making Goro bounce on his cock. "Look at you," Ren marvels, his eyes glossed over like he's under Goro's spell. "You look like you're having fun." In this angle, he can drive his cock straight into Goro's sweet spot, meeting him halfway as Goro moans and rocks downwards, taking Ren deep inside.
"W-Well," Goro somehow manages between the relentless up-and-down of his hips, "I am collecting a debt. There'd be no point in all this work if I wasn't getting something out of it. Speaking of which..." Goro takes Ren's wrists and moves his hands away from his body, holding them down onto the bed with his weight. "I'll be doing the collecting, and you'll be letting me drain you of everything you're worth. Understood?"
As Goro anticipates Ren's response, he's still slowly grinding himself on Ren's cock, unable to idly sit for long. Besides, Ren's just a man—he can only endure sweet torture for long. He'll submit.
"Goro," Ren grits out instead, finding his voice, which cracks. "What... nngh, what about the interest?"
"That..." Goro trails off. Isn't Ren taking this makeshift scenario a little too seriously? "I'll decide later."
"Actually, I'm deciding it right now."
"You can't just— Ren!"
Ren's kept his core in peak physical shape long since the old days of phantom thievery. With that edge, he pulls the rug out from under Goro, so to speak, and flips him over so that his back is flat on top of the bed, leaving Goro completely stunned by the sudden position reversal. Ren doesn't waste any time either, gripping Goro's thighs and hiking his knees all the way back to his shoulders, practically bending him in half. Goro's spread open wide for Ren like this, his cock stiff and heated against his own stomach, even trembling, because Goro loves this too, loves it when Ren's instincts run wild. Someone with the heart of a thief can only remain selfless and passive for so long while every voice in his head is screaming at him to just take what he wants.
Ren grunts the second his cock slams inside Goro again, his hips soon pistoning in and out of him just like he knows Goro likes. Goro moans, the pitch higher than normal, like he's losing sense of himself and giving it to Ren. "You little shit— ahh!" Goro cries out in spite of his words. "I-I thought— I thought you were sore."
"I am," Ren pants, his teeth digging hungrily into Goro's neck as he keeps Goro's thighs spread wide, perfect for pounding into. "Want you more, though." He's very much the "worry about it later" type, for better or worse.
"L-Like that, right there," Goro demands, shifting his hips for Ren to hit that perfect angle, and Ren abides, holding Goro right where he needs to fuck him with thorough, relentless thrusts. “Fuck me, Joker..."
For a few moments, the room is filled with the sounds of their panting and moaning, of the bed creaking in protest, and the lewd, wet slapping sounds that are inevitable when it comes to their sex. It's never a lukewarm affair, all frenzied passion as they give each other their everything.
Goro's hair is fairly damp by now, sticking to his face from sweat. He never looks more flushed and raw and vulnerable than in these moments, his eyes glazed over from sheer desire. That Goro lets Ren have him like this is something Ren can never express his gratitude enough for. His trust and his respect are worth more than anything the world could offer. "You're fucking beautiful," Ren whispers like it's a vow to keep this side of Goro to himself, the one that craves and needs and desires. It all belongs to Ren and Ren alone. Their secret. Goro's breath catches, never one to reject Ren when he's all but worshipping him.
Ren reaches for Goro's flushed cock, giving it the attention it's been obviously aching for, wet and heavy from need. Goro's entire body jerks from the tender contact, crying out as he convulses desperately around Ren's cock and moans. "That's it, Ren... ah..."
"I love you," Ren pants, his own thrusts growing more desperate, less thorough and more quick and frantic, hips snapping hurriedly like he can't help himself. His palm is madly stoking Goro's cock amidst their erratic movements, eager to make him explode from pleasure. "So much, Goro. My honey..." His tongue drags hotly against Goro's slender neck.
Goro trembles. The sex is amazing, it always is, but this is the part that really gets him; the overwhelming nature of Ren's love for him. Goro will never understand what kind of crazy son of a bitch Ren must be in order to love a twisted bastard like he is, but it's a force so strong and undeniable that it even once changed the fabric of reality. Goro craves that intensity, that level of madness. After all, matches the kind he feels for Ren quite nicely.
There's nothing Goro can say in the face of such devotion. All he can do in the immediate moment is cum hard from it, gasping as pleasure grips every last nerve of his body, shooting his load in Ren's grasp.
"Ren! Ahh! Ren!" Goro cries out, helplessly jerking forward into Ren's palm from the sensation and falling back down onto the cock that's pounding his ass. Being pleasured from both front and back is... a lot, but in the way he needs from Ren.
"Nngh— s-so good for me... Goro..." Ren pants.
It's dizzying in and of itself when Ren adores him like that, his mind foggy from pleasure. Goro gazes ahead, bewildered, watching Ren chase his own orgasm.
"Y-You too, Ren... Go ahead and fill me."
Ren growls. Such generic yet painfully cliché dirty talk really does do it for Ren, but only because it's coming from Goro. His brows furrow, body tensing in pure ecstasy as he helplessly fucks Goro through his climax, filling him until his hips slow to a stop. Breathing like he just ran a marathon, Ren sort of just collapses on him, their bodies sticking together from sweat and semen. The attic really smells like sex now, but neither can deny the satisfaction it brings.
Goro's the one to break the post-sex recovery silence. "I love you too, by the way."
Though he's barely moved, Ren perks up a bit at that. He's too easy to read sometimes. Goro knows how to make him react quickly.
"Even though I stole your thunder?"
"Hm?"
"You know, how you pretty much had me under your thumb the whole time. But then I sorta... shook things up." Ren sounds a bit awkward when he puts it into words, thinking back to flipping Goro onto the bed like that.
Goro chuckles. "Oh, that. It wouldn't be much fun for me if these things went exactly as expected. A one-sided affair grows dull quickly." He reaches a hand to gingerly card his fingers through the messy black locks that make up Ren's hair. Goro finds that it often looks quite interesting after sex. "We're still rivals, you know. Even now."
"Hmm. That's true." With his head nestled into Goro's chest, it's easy for Ren to push Goro's shirt up and lay a kiss atop whatever expanse of Goro's skin is currently in front of him. Their bodies are still connected, Goro's stroking his hair, and though they might feel kinda gross, they're warm and close. Were Ren an actual cat, he'd be purring by now. "So... if that was a battle between rivals, did I win?"
"I wonder," Goro muses. "I know how you get. I might have provoked you into behaving exactly how I wanted, but you'll never know."
"Underhanded as usual..." Ren mutters.
"Perhaps. But I do love it when your 'Joker' side comes out to play," Goro hums. "You pretend to be this beacon of patience and understanding, but you're just a greedy little thief by nature. Though, I suppose... in your case, it's actually attractive."
Ren wants to argue—because he is a patient and understanding guy, or so he likes to think—but it's often at the cost of suppressing himself. Goro's the only one who's not afraid to call him for being self-serving just like anyone else is. But he never lectures him for it, either. He just accepts Ren as he is, imperfections and all. Saying nothing, Ren simply leans in and lightly kisses his lips.
"...Ugh. I know where that mouth's been," Goro grumbles, but the tone in his voice is overwhelmingly fond.
Ren laughs.
They take care of what needs to be done after sex. The sheets are set aside to be brought to the laundromat in the morning and are replaced with new ones. Goro cleans himself to the best of his current ability with tissues while Ren goes downstairs again, this time to brush his teeth and rinse his mouth out. When he returns to the attic, he's brought the both of them glasses of water.
"You're thirsty again?" Goro asks with amusement, graciously taking his glass. "Don't expect another round tonight."
"I'm two steps from being hooked up to an IV thanks to you," Ren deadpans, downing about half his glass before setting it aside on his old desk. It's there in case he needs it later. "Besides, I'm... basically out of commission for a while." He falls onto their bed a bit dramatically, groaning. Though he's playing it up just to tease him, both taking and giving it in one night is making him want to never move again.
"You're so dramatic," Goro chastises, though he runs a hand down Ren's body curled besides him.
"Picked it up from you," Ren yawns, pushing his face into the pillow.
Ren has some nerve saying things like that, but it’s cute and Goro hates it. Goro finishes off his glass and sets it aside at the windowsill before settling in next to Ren, blearily staring up at the wooden posts that make up the ceiling to Leblanc's attic. There were once glow-in-the-dark stars up there, but they're packed away for their next chapter in life.
Goro wonders if it's okay to feel this happy. It's a new feeling to have something, someone to look forward to. Some days are harder than others, and some days he just wants to throw it all away and leave it in ruins, just like how he used to live. He doesn't deserve Ren's kindness or Ren's love. All he's ever done is force distance between them, and more than once by threat of death. He let Ren believe for the longest time that he was dead, only showing his face to him again more than a year later, bearing more scars than anyone their age ever should. In addition to those was the newest one marred across his chest, an ugly thing that should have killed him back in that bastard's engine room.
But scars are scars for a reason. They heal over time, even though they'll never return to what they once were. Goro is and always will be fractured inside, but making the personal choice to begin healing was the first step. The kind people at the shelter helped his mother, and they'll continue to help Goro. It devastates him to this day to imagine how alone his mother must have felt before deciding to end it all, even after the shelter's best efforts. But Goro is different. He isn't alone. He has Ren.
Ren can probably never save Goro from his pain, but the unconditional love he spares him is enough to save his life. With Ren, he wants to keep moving forward, even if it's difficult. He can't give up now. He's a survivor; Ren tells him as much every day in his loving admiration. Goro believes he’s the one who’s truly indebted.
Ren yawns, his head falling on Goro’s chest like he’s a pillow. The gentle rise and fall of Goro's chest combined with the sound of his alive, beating heart is at the top of Ren's list of favorite sounds, somewhere next to "Goro's voice" and "Mona purrs". "You shouldn't think so hard in the middle of the night," Ren murmurs with another yawn. “Just sleep.”
Goro just can't help but melt at Ren's sweetness, and he runs appreciative fingers through Ren's wild black hair while Ren begins to doze.
"Thank you, my Ren."
Ren can't hear it, but he can feel it.