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Brienne was not surprised her flight into Storm’s End was delayed. It was inevitable really. The place was called Storm’s End after all and she was departing from snowy Winterfell of all places. But she had needed to get back down south quickly and a train would have taken at least two days. Curse her brother for deciding to get married on such short notice. It was definitely the kind of thing Galladon would do, she just hadn’t thought that his girlfriend would have felt the same. Everything that Brienne knew about her screamed that she should have wanted a big, ritzy wedding that was planned two years in advance. She supposed that maybe she didn’t know her that well after all.
To pass the time while waiting for her plane to arrive, Brienne checked for any new messages on her phone. Galladon had replied to her acknowledging that her flight would be arriving a couple hours late and confirming that it was okay because she wasn’t the only one that was delayed. Other than that? Nothing.
Brienne was bored.
And then she saw the app Sansa had downloaded onto her phone.
And remembered that they had already made a profile for her together.
And how entertaining it had been to see some of the complete travesties of men there were in the North.
Brienne opened her Tinder app.
When it came to Tinder, Brienne had learned many things. Of those things, she had learned that men with shirtless pictures, men who seemed to only ever be photographed with a pint of beer in their hands, and men who stated that they ‘don’t want drama’ should automatically get a swipe left.
So when she came across a man who could have possibly been the most attractive human being she had ever seen, but who also checked all three of those terrible, terrible boxes, she immediately swiped left on him without a second thought.
“Ouch! There wasn’t even a hint of hesitation there. What could I have possibly done so wrong?”
Brienne immediately felt herself become drenched with dread as she slowly turned around to see the gorgeous man she had just swiped left on standing behind her. She awkwardly waved the fingers of her free hand at him. “Um… hi.”
A smirk tugged at his perfectly pink lips. “Hi. Do you even remember my name?”
Brienne wracked her brain. She knew it started with a J, so she took a shot. “Jon?”
“Absolutely not,” the man said with a laugh. He rounded around the chairs that she was sitting on and came up in front of her. “Jaime.”
Why was he still talking to her? Wasn’t this situation already mortifying enough as it was? “Hi,” she repeated. This was going spectacularly.
“And your name?” he prompted.
She grimaced. “Brienne.”
Jaime took a seat beside her. “So Brienne, what was so horrible about my Tinder profile that I was served such a quick and final sentence?”
She wondered if there was a way to collapse in on herself. She made a good effort to try. It did not work.
He pulled out his phone and opened his own app, but went to his profile instead. “Was it the lighting?” He looked over at her. Brienne was sure she was about one step away from catching on fire. “The angle?” he probed further. “Give me something.”
She went with the thing that wasn’t about his looks or his personality. “It’s the beer.”
He squinted at his picture. “The beer? Really? That was the deciding factor?”
“It…” Brienne took in a deep breath and continued, “It gives off the impression that you only have a personality when you drink.” That was what Sansa had told her at least, and she had actually gone on a couple, albeit terrible, Tinder dates.
He frowned and then nodded. “Was that it?”
“Yes,” she squeaked.
He raised an eyebrow at her. “You never got away with anything as a teenager, did you?”
Brienne cringed. “No.”
“Come on. Help a guy out. What else is wrong with my profile?”
“Nothing,” she said as convincingly as she could. Which wasn’t very, because he gave her a flat look. Okay, so it was between his abs or his personality. She was not going to critique the abs that were assuredly still under his shirt right in front of her. Logically, she knew striking at his personality wasn’t any better, but at least those weren’t in touching distance. “The no drama thing makes you sound… well…”
He sighed in understanding, “Off putting.”
“Like a sexist pig was what I was going for, but yes.”
“I can see how that would come off.” He seemed genuinely forlorn about this. “I just… My family is very dramatic. I love her to bits, but my twin sister is definitely the worst of them all and I just… I can’t have another person like her in my life and still retain my sanity.”
“I don’t think having something like that in your Tinder profile will help you do that.”
“Point taken,” he chuckled. “Now that I think about it, my sister’s boyfriend seems to very much be a no drama type of man and yet somehow they’re together so...”
Brienne tried to tread carefully, but really she had already stomped all over the place in this situation, so what was a couple more foot falls here and there. “Yes.”
Jaime let out an amused snort when he tried to hold in his laughter. “Alright, anything else?”
“No?” Brienne tried again.
This time he out right laughed. “Okay, lay it on me.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
His smile was stunning and blinding and really, she would have swiped right despite the other two things if he had just taken a picture of that. “But you want to. Come on, Brienne, you can’t tell me that you have never wanted to tell a guy off on Tinder for being a complete knob.”
“I am learning to be more careful of what I wish for,” Brienne replied.
He laughed and the sound was deep and wonderful and she could feel it deep in her bones.
Was this one of the Seven hells? Telling a beautiful man how spectacularly he had failed at creating a profile in a dating app? It felt like it was.
“Just one more note. Just give me one more.”
“There’s only one more,” she muttered.
“Then that’s perfect!”
Brienne sighed. “It’s the abs,” she said dejectedly. “The abs say, ‘Come get me for my body. It’s great!’.”
He shot her a smirk. “You think my abs are great, hey?”
It was her turn to give him a flat look.
He laughed again and then leaned back on his seat and let out a long sigh. “Three strikes. Damn. No wonder you swiped left. Guess I have less game than I thought I did.” He glanced over at her and his lips tugged upwards. “Do you want to know what I thought when I swiped right on your profile, Brienne?”
She had never whirled on someone so fast.
The smirk was back. “I thought damn look at all those muscles. She could probably bench press me if I let her, and fuck, I would let her.”
Brienne rubbed at her bicep absentmindedly, her eyes not leaving him.
“Then I thought, look at all those freckles, I wonder how far they go.” He gave her a beseeching look.
She flushed,but still didn’t look away from him.
“And then your eyes, god your eyes. I was convinced they were photoshopped, but it turns out they’re not. What an absolutely captivating shade of blue.”
Brienne blinked slowly. How did one blink normally again? Was it every six seconds, or two, or twelve?
“And then your profile. Just… everything about you seemed so amazing?” He grinned at her. “I’ve been checking my matches every hour since swiping right on you and then to see you swipe left on me… well…”
“I’m sorry?” Brienne murmured. “It’s not that I don’t think you’re attractive…”
He grinned at her. “But you think I’m a sexist douche with no personality.”
It took all of her effort to say what she wanted to next. “I would suggest going out for a coffee so you can prove to me I’m wrong, but…” She waved at the terminal around her. “It looks like we’ll soon be parting ways.”
“Are you coming back to Winterfell?”
“In a week.”
“Me too. How about we get a coffee then?”
Brienne gave him a smile. “Okay. Um… I can give you my number.”
“Getting a number the old fashioned way. Will almost,” he laughed and handed her his phone. She input her information into it and then handed it back. He texted her right away. Her phone chimed. “Where are you off to anyways?”
“My brother’s wedding.”
Jaime snorted in amusement. “I’m heading to my sister’s. It’s going to be a debacle. I can feel it.”
“Where at?”
“Storm’s End.”
“That’s where I’m going too.”
A grin spread again on Jaime’s face. “We’re probably on the same flight.”
Brienne nodded shyly. “Probably.”
“Maybe we can have our coffee date there… if I can get away from Cersei for long enough.”
Brienne’s eyebrows furrowed. “Cersei? Cersei Lannister?”
“Uh… yes?”
Brienne couldn’t help but guffaw at the absurdity. “My last name is Tarth.”
“Tarth… fuck… Galladon is your...”
Brienne gave him a smile. “Brother. Looks like we’ll be spending plenty of time together in the next week.”
Jaime grinned, “Looks like it.”