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Camp Lehigh, New Jersey – December 24, 1940
Holidays on a military base always seemed incredibly surreal. There was a lot of celebration, but it always felt forced. Many of the men and women were pining for families halfway across the world, and that kind of melancholy, brought down the spirits of the entire camp. Still, growing up, Bucky Barnes’ father had always found a way to make things special for his children. Be it taking them off base to select and cut down a tree, or cooking up their own Christmas day feast separate from the slop usually served at the mess. The Barnes children were never left wanting around the holidays. In fact, it was easily Bucky’s favorite holiday.
That was until his father died just before Thanksgiving gave way to Christmas. For the first time Bucky was made painfully aware of just how much of the holiday cheer he had always experienced was actually his father’s doing.
He tried to keep up appearances for his younger sister’s sake, but when he was all alone, the pain of loss was excruciating. He missed his father, he missed their old Christmas traditions, and he missed his old way of life.
His despair had reached an all time high on Christmas Eve. Up until that point the soldiers at Camp Lehigh had kept a careful eye on Bucky. In the last month or so he’d become a bit like the camp’s adoptee. They’d taken turns delivering him small presents, eating dinner with him, and taking him off base to see the Christmas lights or go skating. But as the actual holiday drew nearer, they all became pre-occupied with their actual families, and Bucky was left all alone once again.
Any non-essential personnel had been given R&R to go back home for a few days, so the camp was largely empty, which was why it was such a surprise when someone suddenly came up behind him.
Startled by the sudden realization he wasn’t alone in the mess, he jumped. The stranger behind him instantly reached out a calming hand as they set a small wrapped gift on the table and circled to sit across from Bucky.
He vaguely recognized the young recruit seated at the table with him. Steve Roberts? Or Rogers? Something like that. At just 15, Bucky was already taller than him, and he wouldn’t doubt he was stronger too. Despite being a little unsure how he’d managed to talk his way into the army, Bucky had no complaints about the man. He was kind, had a good sense of humor, and most importantly had always known the right things to say after his father died. Steve never offered him pity like the rest, instead, he just made sure that when being alone hurt too much, there was someone here to help. And right now, that was exactly what Bucky needed.
“The holidays were the worst for me too,” Steve said quietly, finally announcing his arrival. “My mother died around this time of year. I’ve never felt as lonely as I did that Christmas, but it does get better. You’ll make it through, I promise.” Steve offered him a reassuring smile and slid the gift a little closer to him. “It’s not much, but I thought it might help.”
Curious, and incredibly thankful for the company, Bucky opened the package to reveal a leather bound journal. A bit confused, he raised a questioning eye to meet Steve’s glance.
“When you are having a hard time, write down what you are feeling. It helps to get it all out. You can always talk to me if you’d like, but if not… put it in this journal. If you hold it in and let it fester you’ll just end up feeling worse in the long run. Trust me.”
Bucky was in awe of Steve’s kindness. He was so different from the other soldiers. Where they treated him like a child…a poor orphan to be pitied, Steve saw in him a kindred spirit. He understood what he was going through and he gave him exactly what he needed to survive. He was an outlet when he needed to escape for a little while, and a source of reflection when it came time to embrace his loss.
Picking up the journal he examined it closely. Finally, he clutched it tightly to his chest. “Thank you, Steve. It’s perfect.” He said, a bright smile finding his face. It was the happiest he’d felt in a very long time. The warmth he felt had nothing to do with the journal, because more than that, Steve had offered him friendship. It was exactly what he wanted for Christmas.