Archive of Our Own

Kara always thought that she was straight. 

When she arrived on Earth, she was instructed to Fit In. So she did. She wore her glasses, she did her far too easy homework, she took too long in the shower, she fell in love with romantic comedies, and she had her first (painful) kiss with a boy. 

Fit In meant being painfully average. It meant cardigans and hair tied back half way, the same sneakers as everyone else, and a strange affinity for over-perfumed clothing stores at the mall. 

Fit In never once meant staring too long at her Calculus teacher when she was bent over another student’s desk, reviewing their last quiz that Kara secretly found pitifully simple.

Fit In never once meant keeping her gaze fixed ever forward in the locker room after P.E. in fear of seeing something that made her flush.

Fit In never once meant wishing that her roommate her junior year of undergrad would fall asleep on her shoulder and stay there the whole night through.

Fit In never once meant licking her lips when her boss would strut on ever-tall heels through the bullpen at CatCo, checking in on staff progress.

Even now, Kara does everything she can to Fit In. And that includes sticking with heteronormative dating behavior. Smart guys, funny guys, guys who talk too much, guys who talk too little. Guys who flirt with everyone, guys who live with their mothers. She dates. She suffers through these meals so her friends don’t suspect that she wishes she were at home in her pjs with her friends, watching buddy-cop movies. 

She Fit In. So much so, that to think otherwise makes her feel a gut-check as severe as leaving behind her glasses.

She’s always dated men, always been attracted to me, only ever had relations with men, and has only ever been sought after by men.

At least... that’s what she thought.

It’s late evening and she’s enjoying a meal with Lena at a new posh restaurant downtown. It’s the third time in two weeks they’ve gone out for dinner. Their relationship has slowly (and somewhat painfully) regained its footing after the Fall of Lex and Leviathan. The fact that she just saw Lena yesterday for coffee and they’re still talking throughout every outing is always amazing to Kara. 

When she compares it to the last date she went on with William a few months ago, she struggled with talking about anything that wasn’t work related. He told a funny story, but she couldn’t figure out what was so funny. They sputtered over other things, but… she was bereft. 

She avoided every invitation for dinner and coffee for nearly two weeks, and then finally called a halt to all follow up encounters thereafter. They settled on being just friends. He’s a nice guy, sort of, but just not for her.

Now, they grab coffee, chat about work and design layouts for the next piece they plan on proposing to Andrea. Kara finds that their relationship works much, much better this way. 

If only she could get everyone to stop setting her up on dates, but that’s a challenge for future Kara to tackle.

Currently, Kara is enjoying the spirited debate she and her dining companion are having regarding the logistics of an impending L-Corp product launch. She doesn’t have to struggle with topics or find things in common to discuss with Lena. Conversation just flows, organic and delightful. 

The atmosphere in the restaurant is definitely a mellow kind of vibe, their drinks are fresh, and Kara is jotting down notes as they each give their thoughts on the appetizers while awaiting the return of their waitress.

Sparkling conversation and good food are now becoming a weekly experience for Kara, much to her delight. Especially now that she has a side-gig as an increasingly popular restaurant reviewer for a city-based website, Nat-City Life. 

It’s been the best six months of her life. 

She gets paid to eat. 

Paid. 

To. 

Eat. 

At least, that’s what her t-shirt says. Alex gifted her with the t-shirt when she first got hired. She wears it on every Weekly Dining Experience (which is what she finally decided to title her review column after two weeks of deliberation). The t-shirt is black, long sleeved with electric pink marquee lettering. 

She often pushes up her sleeves so she doesn’t get anything on it in her eating vigor. Lena once commented that it was a ‘good look’. Kara didn’t know what she meant at the time, but by the way their waitress keeps grazing her fingers over Kara’s forearm, she’s starting to get the idea.

“I see you liked the appetizer spread,” says their charming, long-legged waitress as she surveys the empty white platter. “Your entrees will be out shortly, but can I get you another drink, Gorgeous?” 

Did Kara mention charming? She’s also rocking a full sleeve of Sailor Jerry tattoos and is wearing fire-engine red lipstick that could almost give Lena a run for her money. Almost. 

“Uh, ummm,” Kara bites her lip as she glances at the chalkboard near the bar, spotting the cocktail that she wanted to try, “May I please try Pop Your Cherry?”

The scoff from Lena and the mirroring impish smirk from the waitress tells Kara that she’s requested something she doesn’t fully understand.

She places her hand on the back of Kara’s chair and props her fist on her very trim waist. “Sure you don’t wanna save that for dessert, Blue Eyes?”

Unsure of what mine-field she’s stepped into, Kara simply shakes her head and squeaks out, “No. I’ll have it now, please.”

The waitress simply winks, then glances at Lena’s half full wine glass. “Anything for you, Doll?”

“No, thank you,” Lena replies, her tone brusque. 

Kara watches in confusion as the waitress saunters off, her black hot pants revealing a set of bows high on both thighs. Golly, that’s an odd place for a tattoo.

“Honestly, do you need me to leave you two alone for a moment?” Lena huffs as she crosses her arms.

“What are you talking about?” 

“The amount of flirting going on between the both of you is making me lose my appetite,” Lena straightens and crosses her legs away from Kara.

“Flir—“ Kara’s brow furrows, aghast. “Flirting!?! You think I’m flirting with her?”

“Kara, you’ve literally been staring at her chest, her ass, or her hands all evening.”

“That’s because she has tattoos everywhere! Paw prints on her boobs, those stupid bows on her legs, and she has tiny Calvin and Hobbes on her fingers. They’re adorable .” 

Lena’s head tilts to the side, “You asked her to 'Pop Your Cherry'.”

“That’s the name of the drink! It looks like a boozy Shirley Temple! You know I like those!”

“You even keep letting her touch you and lean into your space.”

“Well, I thought she was going to topple over that one time, did you see the heels she’s wearing?”

“No, but you clearly have,” Lena sighs as she leans forward with her elbows on the table. “Listen, if you find her attractive and you want to go for it, I’m not going to get in your way; but I’d really like to know before I have to sit through a whole meal of this back-and-forth.”

“Attractive ?! I don’t find her attrac — okay well, I just think her legs are super long and she’s got really nice brown eyes, but I don’t, I mean… I’m not… I’m not attracted to women, so that’s not —“

Lena is sipping her wine when Kara says the last part and quickly chokes on her sip. After a period of coughing and drinking the rest of her water she looks up to Kara. 

“I think I misheard you. Did you just say that you don’t like women?”

“Correct.”

There’s several seconds of silence as Lena seems to be buffering. She’s looking at Kara, but seems to be mentally reviewing several things in her genius brain. It’s kind of cute, the way her head tilts to the side, nibbling her inner cheek in thought.

“At Thanksgiving last year, when Lucy Lane showed up, you hugged her for over two minutes. A full-body hug.”

“She is amazing and it’d been a while since I’d seen her.”

“The barista with red hair at Noonan’s who always gives you a free bear claw.”

“Cami?” Kara shrugs.”I always give her an extra big tip.”

“The girl in your office …. Jaimie. She is always all over you.”

“I helped her move her furniture one day, she’s just touchy-feely.”

“That agent at the DEO who is always fixing your cape for you.”

“She’s a seamstress on the side. She just wants to make sure it’s in top shape.”

“She does not need to take measurements of your hips every single time!” Lena raises a brow as she leans back in her seat.

Kara’s jaw drops. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Kara, whether you’re aware of it or not, there is a very large group of women in this city and around the world that find you very attractive. The fact that you are oblivious to all this just makes it even more frustrating.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kara frowns, her shoulders curling in. If there’s one thing she hates, it’s not being able to pick up on the subtleties of human body language.

“Kara, it’s just…” Lena picks up on this immediately and backs off, her voice turns soft. She lets out a breath, casting around for a reasonable response. 

“You’re beautiful and kind and charming and those attributes are very attractive to basically everyone, but especially to populations that are used to getting disregarded. I understand that you don’t pick up on some social cues quickly. It’s just… by the way you act around women sometimes, I figured you reciprocated their advances from time to time.”

“What advances? I’ve only ever been with men. I’ve never dated or kissed a woman. No woman has ever tried anything.”

“Even in college?”

Kara shakes her head. “I was too afraid to go out with anyone until my junior year. Even then, I went on a few dates and only had one boyfriend.”

Lena digests this news just as the waitress reappears, just as charming, just as smirky. “Sorry for the delay, I wanted to be the one to pop your cherry. Let me know what you think.”

Kara takes a sip from the cocktail, getting a sharp flavor-forward burst of sour cherry, followed by a warm vanilla with cinnamon-like twist that leads into a mellow finish. “Mmmm this is delicious. Very, very good.”

“Glad I could be of service,” the waitress winks at her again, trailing her bright red lacquered fingertips along Kara’s exposed forearm. The heat of Lena’s gaze follows the gesture.

“If a man did that, what would you think?”

“That he was handsy and should probably not?”

“But a woman?”

Kara shrugs. “Never given it much thought.”

“So you really don’t find her attractive?” Lena asks, somewhat befuddled.

“I can appreciate her appearance, but does she make me feel all swoopy belly and fuzzy? No. I’ve only had that with guys.”

Lena squints in confusion. “Feel what now?”

“You know; that feeling when you’re turned on and you feel it deep in your stomach? And then everything around you gets jittery?”

“Are you ascribing human sensations to that of being a,” Lena pushes closer to whisper, “Kryptonian? Interesting that you feel emotions the same as us.”

“Why is that interesting?”

“Because from what you’ve told me, your society was very reserved and didn’t rely too heavily upon feeling or sentiment.”

“Yeah, but… I mean, my formative years were with the Danvers. They are very emotive.”

“So you believe being turned on is that sensation you get in your stomach, then?” Lena defaults into her usual science mode when learning of a difference between them. “Do you know what else equates to being sexually aroused for Kryptonians?”

Kara bites her bottom lip as she looks out at the patio, deliberating. “I… I’m not sure.”

“No big deal,” Lena’s voice is gentle. “I was just curious about how relationships work for advanced societies.”

“Well, I mean…” Kara sips her drink, savoring the flavor. “You already know that the Matrix matched us up with a life-partner, so it was all about compatibility and less about desire or more base emotions.”

“And the butterflies you’ve felt? No woman has ever made you feel that way before?” 

“No. Why? Has that happened to you?” Kara sips her drink as Lena gives her a slightly exasperated smile. 

“Kara… you do know I like women, right?”

“But…” Kara absorbs this new and vital information about someone she’s known for years. “You dated Jack and James.”

“You can in fact be attracted to both men and women, Kara.”

“Yeah but… I’ve never seen you with a woman before,” Kara states plainly, scrambling through her mind for an example.

Lena gives her a patient look, shaking her head. “Then maybe you weren’t paying close enough attention.”

Kara mentally reviews several interactions she’s had with Lena when other women were involved, but can’t pinpoint a single event. It’s surprisingly frustrating and somewhat bewildering. How is this a thing she never knew?

Just then their meal arrives, plate after plate. It’s a veritable feast and a welcome sight for a hungry, anxious person such as Kara. Because now she’s stressed out about all the women she’s unknowingly led on over the years. 

Now there’s one currently bringing her a cocktail that’s pink and peach with a swirl of whipped cream on top with some glitter.

“What’s this one called?” Kara scans the board in curiosity.

“Oh, it’s on the after hours menu.” Their waitress leans down and whispers the name of the cocktail. Kara immediately chokes on her sip as she flushes from head to toe. The waitress, with her innocent name of Kris, simply glides away leaving a wheezing Kara in her wake.

“Let me guess,” Lena looks at the cocktail with the whipped cream lightly dusting Kara’s nose. She reaches up with her thumb and swipes it off, then leans back in her seat with her head cocked to the side knowingly. “Pussy licker?”

“How on earth did you know that?!?” Kara blushes at hearing the phrase leaving Lena’s delicate mouth. 

“Maybe I’ve had one before,” Lena shrugs, a cloud of sexual mystery falling across her shoulders.

“Oh, tell me more… was this with or without a date involved?” Kara starts on her second plate while Lena picks through the vegetarian option.

“Kara, I feel like discussing my sexual exploits isn't a great idea for a public setting,” Lena replies smoothly, easily shutting down what could be a very wicked and enlightening conversation.

“Fine, fine,” Kara agrees easily. “But tell me, did you like the cocktail?”

“Oh, I liked it... and the bartender, just fine,” Lena replies, her voice low and sly. 

Kara swallows, hard. 

.::.::.::.

Weeks pass, Kara starts to pay more attention to the subtle cues of those that may be flirting with her as Kara Danvers and as Supergirl. She finds it astounding once she starts to notice.

“You will not believe what one of the detectives asked me at the scene today!” Kara sweeps into Lena’s office late one evening. 

Lena, knee-deep in reviewing lab-reports, barely casts Kara a glance. “Probably something to do with if you can tie them down later or something about how much you can lift?”

“Close, it was Detective Reyes. She wanted to know if I wore a strap.”

Lena lets out a sigh and removes her glasses while Kara continues to pace. She looks at Lena and huffs, waiting for her display of mutual exasperation. Yet, there is none.

“Lena, a strap!”

“Yes, I heard you the first time.”

“You aren’t surprised?”

“No. Everyone assumes you’re a top. The fact that you’re just now realizing this is astounding.”

“But I don’t even like —“

“Women, yes. I’m well aware,” Lena quips, returning to the document and drawing a blood red line through a paragraph. “Did you say anything to the Detective? About how inappropriate the comment was?”

“No, I was too shocked.”

“Well, then,” Lena sets down her pen and leans back in her chair, stretching her arms overhead, eyes closed, neck angled to the left. “Something to work on? You’re a big girl Kara. You don’t need Alex or anyone else to intervene on your behalf. You’re more than capable of advocating for yourself.”

“Yeah, and I appreciate that, I do. I just,” Kara murmurs as she leans against one of the chairs, “I’m not good at that kind of confrontation.”

“That’s because you’re used to defending others since you rarely have to verbally defend yourself. And even then it’s normally when you’re Kara Danvers.”

Lena pushes away from the desk and crosses her legs, heels discarded hours ago. Letting out a haggard breath, Kara takes in the exhaustion that’s settled over Lena’s features. It’s like she’s had poor sleep for several nights and too much work to complete. 

Kara watches the way the fabric of Lena’s blouse tightens over her chest, just before she pulls out the deathly looking pin keeping her hair up in its tight hold. Her hair tumbles down in wave after wave about her shoulders. It has grown long over the past year, longer than it has been in a while. 

“Maybe next time,” Lena proposes with a worn voice, “pull aside Detective Reyes or any of them for that matter, and explain that you do not appreciate them speculating on your sexuality or your practices. And if they do it again, you’ll need to report them for a myriad of issues including inappropriate conduct in the workplace, sexual harassment, and sheer idiocy.”

“I don’t think the last one is a thing.”

“It should be,” Lena huffs, threading her fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp, working on diffusing the tension built up over the day. Kara considers volunteering her services, but that would be weird. 

Right?  

“So I should do it just like that?”

“Mmhmmm,” Lena nods as she works on a kink along her trapezius. “Yes. Just like that.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

“Then it’s sexual harassment and you need to log the complaint. If our officers can’t uphold the law, then they shouldn’t be officers.”

“Yeah, well... ” Kara drifts off as Lena sweeps her hair over her shoulder and pushes up the sleeves of her blouse. It's the pose of her CEO settling in for a long night. “I was going to grab some dinner. Want me to get you a salad? Or a donut?”

Lena looks up at her once more with bleary eyes, a touch of despondency in the corners. “No, thanks. I still have the salad Jess got me for lunch.”

Kara speeds to the fridge, pulls it out and dresses it the way Lena likes, setting it on her desk in a smooth movement. “Well Miss Luthor, please eat something soon. I’ll see you this weekend?”

“Yes,” Lena nods as she takes a long pull from the glass of water beside her. “Saturday. Noonan’s at noon.”

Kara sweeps away, frowning at the haggard sigh of relief that escapes Lena upon her departure.

.::.::.::.

“So do you think you’ll have a chance to review the reports for me?” Alex asks as she sips her cortado. “I’m sorry to drop it on you when it’s a Saturday, but honestly you’re the only one I can think of that can figure this out.”

“Alex, Lena’s going to be in Germany for a week. You’re not going to get this back any time soon,” Kara argues. When Alex found out she was meeting Lena for a quick lunch at Noonan’s she immediately wanted to drop by to request assistance with some new alien tech.

“Sure, I’ll take a look on my flight over. When do you need it back by?” Lena thumbs through the folder briefly, ignoring Kara’s interference.

“Sooner the better, but it can wait for you to get back,” Alex replies, pleased. “We’re still analyzing the samples though so I’ll send you updates as we get them.”

“Sounds good,” Lena smiles softly as she closes the folder. “I heard you both had a fun day capturing the pink substance earlier this week?”

“Ugh don’t get me started,” Alex scowls, reflecting on the mud-rucking stinkfest that happened Tuesday.

“I could smell Kara coming before she even landed on my balcony,” Lena grinned. “I swore her out of my office for two days until the stench was gone.”

“It was the worst,” Alex growls as Kara nods in agreement. “These things smelled like overgrown skunks that bathed in a batch of fermented durian! I took three decontamination showers and even then, I smelled like a garbage truck full of corpses roasting in the sun.”

“Sexy.” Lena chuckles as she sips her Flat White. “I heard Brainy had to devise some dry chemical neutralizing bath for both you two and Nia?”

“Yes, and it was equally unpleasant,” Kara shivers at the thought. “It sizzled, then steamed, then fizzled, then got hot enough for me to feel it.”

“Imagine how hot it felt on us then!”

“And even then we had to use it twice to still make us smell somewhat normal.”

“Don’t get me started on what it did to my hair,” Alex tugs on a strip of dry looking strands. “I was afraid it was all going to fall out.”

“Now it’s just super dry,” Kara bites her lip, tugging at her own, normally rich hair. It too is suffering the effects of the chemical bath. 

“I think I have something that can help. I’ll send it to you three this afternoon,” Lena offers as the redheaded barista with a crush on Kara arrives with their pastries, an extra bear claw for Kara. Lena sizes it up as Kara ignores the pointed look. 

“What’s that all about?” Alex asks as she takes a bite of her quiche, motioning between them with a finger.

“Kara just realized how many women have a crush on her and she’s trying to reconcile that fact.”

“What? Women don’t crush on you —“ Lena picks up the bear claw and gives Alex a lightly withering glare. “Okay but… to be fair, Kara’s just super kind to everyone.”

“Yeah, and she looks like that,” Lena motions to Kara’s outfit of rich blue henley, black skinny jeans, scuffed converse, and light grey bomber jacket. Her hair’s hiding under a backwards ball cap since it is still recovering from the chemical bath. 

Alex looks at her sister for a long moment, taking in her appearance as though meeting her for the first time. 

“Oh.”

Oh.

“Oh?” Kara looks at Alex, her brow furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well it’s just… you look like you’re ready to go drink a keg and play softball later then finish the night with Settlers of Cataan and cuddle with your cats Moe and Ginger. In probably that order,” Alex amends.

“What?! No, this is just very comfortable and what is wrong with what I’m wearing? Also, why are those my cat’s names?”

“It’s your whole… presentation,” Lena offers. “When you aren’t focused on being Kara Danvers or the other person you’re just you.”

‘Which is what?”

“HI!” waves a short woman with bright purple hair and strange colored eyes. “Cami wanted me to bring you another bear claw since it looks like you shredded through yours,” she offers the bear claw to a gobsmacked Kara who takes it silently.

“Kara says to tell Cami ‘thank you’,” Alex smiles at the girl and waves at Cami behind the counter in thanks. As the girl scampers away, Alex turns towards Kara who is now stuffing whole sections of pastry into her mouth to keep from breaking down. “I cannot believe you. Kara, have you knowingly been scamming free pastries by flirting with innocent civilians!?!”

Kara pouts at Alex and shakes her head while Lena tries to hide a chuckle behind her coffee cup. “She wasn’t doing it on purpose before, but now? Who knows.”

“Hey!” Kara squawks.

“Just calling it like I see it, Kara,” the sultry way Lena says her name makes Kara feel a strange shift inside her.

“Hmph,” Kara discards her bear claw in protest. The other two slowly pick at it over the course of their remaining time together. Though the conversation returns to normal, Kara continues to review her past interactions with people and where she’s gone wrong over the years. 

Everything is going relatively smoothly until Alex turns back to Kara, serious and thoughtful.

“Do you really have no idea that all these people are attracted to you?” Alex inquires gently, “Or do you just try to disregard it because it makes you uncomfortable?”

Kara hunkers in her seat as she reflects while munching on a muffin. “Alex, you know how this works for me. I come from a place where a sentient technological being assigns me a partner. Here, it’s a free for all. We all thought it’d be easier if I just Fit In.”

She catches the way Lena’s brow furrows. Kara fixes her gaze on Alex who replies in that soft way she has when broaching sensitive topics. 

“Kara, just to be clear,” Alex waits until Kara finally makes eye contact. “It’s okay if you like women, it’s okay if you like all genders, binary or otherwise. It’s okay if you like aliens with blue skin and no ability to procreate. It’s okay if you don’t like anyone at all.”

Kara finishes her muffin and gnaws on the corner of her lip in thought, casting her gaze from the tray of pastries back to her sister. She tries to grey out the visage of Lena, sitting calmly and ever so agreeable in the chair beside her like always. She also ignores the steady, comforting beat of Lena’s heart. 

She tries to ignore the warm, smooth tone of Lena’s voice as she says, “And it’s okay if you fall in love with someone and aren’t sexually interested in them, or anyone. Still, if you want to be pursued by men and only be with men, then that’s okay too.”

“Exactly,” Alex murmurs. 

Kara nods after several moments. She lets out a deep puff of air, then leans forward and grabs a scone. A scone that is actually meant for Lena, but she’s so discombobulated she neglects to attend to her haphazard grabbing. A smooth tap of two pale blue-lacquered fingers along the top of her hand and Kara drops the pastry, quickly moving on to a cinnamon roll much more decadent. 

She misses the way Alex observes the interaction, cataloguing for contemplation on another day.

.::.::.::.

“Hey did you get a chance to check with Lena?” Alex asks as they wrap up for the evening. 

Barry’s team has call for the next 48 hours and Kara is endlessly grateful. She’s never realized how much she relies upon her time with Lena as a chance to vent and recharge, but since Lena’s been gone for over two weeks now, she’s beginning to struggle. 

“Yeah, she looked at them and made some notes, she’s just been tied up. You know the trip was only supposed to be a week.”

“How could I forget?” Alex rolls her eyes at Kara. “You’ve been insufferable for the last two. You remind me every couple of hours. She’ll be back in another week right? It’s not like she’s left forever.”

“Yeah but… three weeks!? That’s such a long time. I mean… except for after when I told her who I was, we haven’t been apart for this long since we met. It’s just… weird.”

“Kara, you FaceTime nearly everyday. Yesterday, I caught you in the Secured Section showing her that glowing super weapon just because she wanted to know if it’d make you glow.”

“Which it did.”

“Kara.”

“Alex… I turned purple! It was so awesome.”

They hold each other in a stare off and finally Alex relents. She lets out a sigh and pulls up her task queue on her computer. They sit in silence for several minutes as Alex types away and Kara scrolls through her emails. 

“You know, I was talking to Kelly about our conversation at Noonan’s the other day —”

“Okay...” Kara’s thumb hovers over her screen as she looks up at her sister. “And?”

“It’s just... I know you want to fit in. I now recognize we did you a disservice when you arrived. It was a sad attempt at forcing you to be normal for the sake of protection. But here’s the thing... “ Alex pushes out, her voice thick and heavy. 

“If you don’t feel attracted to anyone, or if you’re happy with where you’re at, that’s cool. But if you’re interested in someone that isn’t a man, whether it be alien, or female, or otherwise, and they happen to give you the swoopy belly, then we’re here to support you in any way possible. It’s not just about you, it’s about all of us being here for you.”

Alex exhales with a shaky breath while Kara counts her heartbeats. “And if you want to pursue them, then go for it. But if… if you want more with men, then there’s an analyst I want you to meet.”

“Alex!” Kara sighs at Alex’s shot at levity, letting out a deep huff. “I get that, it’s just… I think I just need a break… from all of that. The past couple of years have been a lot. I’m pretty content where I’m at.”

“Say no more,” Alex replies smoothly. “Wanna go pick up some pizza and bingewatch E.R.? George Clooney can still get it.”

“Yes, please.”

.::.::.::.

“Shoot. That putrid pink goo stuff keeps replicating.” Alex frowns a day later as she leaves the containment lab. “It burned a hole through the metal table it was resting on.” 

“We could put it in the multi-substance containers Lena and I devised. We do not have many, but they should suffice,” Brainy posits as Kara nods in agreement.

“That’ll have to do for now,” Alex worries her bottom lip in contemplation then turns to Kara. “Alright, I spoke with Lena earlier, she’s updated the files for us. Can you go pick them up?”

“Now? Shouldn’t she be asleep?”

“Oh please. I know for a fact you guys talk every night before she goes to bed and that’s in like five hours,” Alex scowls at Kara’s pout. “Just pop over to Deutschland, pick up the files and come back. She’d already worked out a containment strategy as well as safe measures to manipulate the pink substance.”

“Fine. I’ll reach out,” Kara sighs, ignoring the happy thump of her heart at seeing her friend. “But if she’s too busy —”

“She has a fancy dinner tonight, but that’s not until 2000. Get going, Supergirl, I'm not taking another decontamination shower if that stuff gets loose.”

When Kara gets in touch with Lena, she reports that she’s in the shower, but will be free in 20 minutes. Kara sets her watch and takes a leisurely approach by way of France’s boulangeries.

When Kara lands on Lena’s deluxe suite that happens to have a balcony, it’s to an unlocked door and a dimly lit lounge area. She glances around, spotting the cup of tea on the counter, the untouched couch, and the desk that’s been overworked. NPR is airing over the surround sound, most likely giving Lena her daily update of the events in America.

“Lena?”

“In here,” she responds, voice flattened.

Kara follows the sound into the master suite, a large finely made bed, a laptop idling in the center. She hears Lena muttering in what is probably the bathroom though Kara isn’t quite sure until she rounds the corner.

Lena is perched ever so gracefully upon the countertop in the luxurious bathroom, applying her makeup. She glances to the side upon Kara’s entrance, smiling beneath her ministrations.

“Woah!” Kara shields her eyes.”I can wait.”

“Don’t worry about it, boarding school took my modesty,” Lena murmurs, carefully lining her brow. “Sorry, I’ve got to get ready for this dinner tonight and I’m already running twelve minutes late. The folder is in the safe in the closet. Code is 6-7-8-5.”

“Any reason for the numbers?” Kara asks absently as she tries and immediately fails to not trace Lena’s form atop the counter. 

“Yes,” Lena replies but offers no more as she massages a cream onto her delicate skin. 

Kara tries to pull away to retrieve the file, but she’s frozen. There is so much body. Unadorned. Creamy skin. Firm and toned from hours spent in 5 am spin classes competing with Andrea and pilates with Kelly. 

She tracks the length of Lena’s arm up to her wrist as she slices a quick black line beneath her eye. She turns slightly and does the same to the other. Thirteen seconds more and brilliant red coats her lips.

“How’s your day been?” Lena applies a second coat to her lashes, long and supple.

“Hmmm. Fine. It’s just… stuff and work and things,” Kara flounders as a light dusting of blush goes to Lena’s cut-from-stone cheekbones. 

Kara misses the amused look Lena shoots her in the mirror; her gaze focused on a freckle sitting very near the scar from the gun-shot wound to Lena’s chest that she sustained during the last battle with Lex.

She got it protecting Kara from a kryptonite-coated bullet. But they don’t talk about that. One angst-filled conversation in the med-bay, and never again.

“Stuff and work and… things?”

Kara breaks her focus and looks to the ground, sucking in a breath. “Alex is fixated on that smelly pink goo. It’s been pretty disruptive.”

“That’s because it was purposefully designed to wreak havoc,” Lena then slides off the counter, trim but slightly rounded tummy and toned arms on display in a pair of black lace cheeky underwear and matching strapless bra. “Well, Brainy and I —”

She continues on, but a strange buzzing enters Kara’s brain and she forgets to breathe. It's almost like a kaleidoscope effect that forms around Lena's figure.

The thing with Lena being so otherworldly gorgeous is that Kara has been dulled to Lena’s effect until she does something different. It’s like living on the coast with a breathtaking view and only stopping to watch the sunset when it’s extraordinary. 

Lena is that breathtaking sunset.

Kara’s mind echoes over the thought as she watches Lena apply a dot of perfume to her wrists and décolletage. She's never watched someone get ready for an evening out, but watching Lena Luthor is an Experience. Her only regret is missing when Lena exited the shower.

Because that’s a normal regret to have. About a friend. A platonic friend.

“Kara ?” She looks up to find Lena’s concerned expression as she’s spritzing her hair with heat protectant. “I’m about to turn on the hair dryer, watch out.”

Kara smiles thankfully and covers her ears with bed pillows, protecting herself from the onslaught of sound. She watches as Lena flips her head in various ways to allow for adequate heat coverage, her lace covered bum stretching and arms straining. Kara bites her tongue when Lena is bent directly in front of her, hot air blowing in Kara’s face.

“Sorry,” Lena murmurs as she turns herself and the blow dryer a different way until completion. Rising, she parts her hair to the side and brushes it out, then applies another cream and the fly aways disappear. She then plugs in a curling iron then walks to the closet where she returns with a small package with curly French script across the top.

“Are you sure you don’t need to head back?” Lena asks as she removes a pair of thigh-high silk stockings from the package and gently pulls them apart. It appears there is a purposeful seam along the backside of the black hose.

“Yeah, I’m meeting Nia in an hour for coffee, so I have plenty of time to drop off the folder. It’s just… It’s been like three weeks since we’ve gotten to hang out.” Kara lets out a breath and finally murmurs, “I’ve missed you.”

“Likewise,” Lena replies, equally as soft.

Kara watches in fascination as Lena places her foot on the settee and carefully pulls the hose up her toned leg, seam in the back. It’s long and smooth and oop there’s another freckle along the inner side of her thigh. Suddenly it gets incredibly hot and Kara feels her palms grow clammy. 

Shoot. She hasn’t eaten in like… two hours. She probably has low blood sugar or something.

“— when I get back, right?” Lena looks up at her with a furrowed brow, like perhaps Kara’s not attending to the conversation.

“Yes?”

Lena arches an imperious eyebrow as her long fingers pull the other thigh-high slow and smooth as it climbs over her delicate foot, her toned calf, the curved knee and up that endless expanse of thigh.

“You don’t seem so sure of that, Supergirl, ” clipping it to the straps of her garter belt. 

Where did that come from?

Kara mumbles something unintelligible but it’s loud enough for Lena to hear words of some sort.

“Say again?”

Clearing her throat, Kara runs clammy hands up and down her suit-clad thighs. “I didn’t know people still did that. The clips and the thigh highs and belt thing.”

“What? Do you think they only wear them in porno movies?” Lena smoothes out the seam along the back of her leg. “Hate to break it to you, but Andrea does the same.”

“Oh golly. Didn’t need to know that.” Kara flushes. “It’s just. I’ve never seen you wear them before.”

Lena straightens and gives Kara a contemplative look, lifting the corner of her lip. It makes Kara’s heart do a strange flip. “Then you weren’t paying close enough attention.”

She retreats to the closet and comes out wearing a tasteful one shoulder black dress with black lace cut outs that emphasize many of her… assets. She turns her back to Kara which is still bare and smooth and soft and —

“Zip me up?” Lena asks quietly as she pulls her long hair over her shoulder. The moment is strangely heavy between them, like she's missing something, but isn't sure what.

Kara stands and quickly reaches out, surprised that her hand is shaking. She grabs hold of the fabric and zipper and tugs it up carefully, not wanting to tear the beautiful dress. In doing so, she ends up dragging her knuckle up the length of Lena’s spine and watches as chill bumps erupt in the wake of her ministrations.

Odd.

She hooks the clasp at the top and finds that her immediate desire is to press her lips along the bare nape of her best friend’s neck. Which… that’s a little odd too.

Before she does something silly, Lena steps away with a skipped heartbeat and walks to the counter. She quickly curls her layered hair, giving it even more dimension. 

The NPR station in the background is interrupted by a buzz and chime. Lena presses a button on her cell and her driver calls up. “Miss Lena, I’m just across the street in holding. Please let me know when you’re on your way down.”

“Thanks, Frank. I’ll be down in four minutes.”

“Excellent.”

She turns her attention once more to the mirror and scrutinizes what Kara believes to be a flawless appearance. One more quick spray of something that smells amazing and a sweep of diamond studs and Lena is ready to go.

She’s holding red-bottomed stilettos in one hand and a leather clutch in the other as she turns to Kara and offers a wistful smile. 

“Thanks for dropping by. I wish it could be for a meal or a movie.”

“No, I understand how busy you’ve been.” Kara’s still trying to figure out an appropriate compliment, but in the end she settles on the ever so simple, “Good luck tonight. You look beautiful.”

"thank you," Lena’s cheeks tinge pink as she uses her phone to turn off the podcast, stowing it in her clutch. “I need all the luck I can get. Hopefully this will be my chance to finalize the deal. The Germans have been meticulous, but this is an important partnership. It’s… so good to see you, truly.”

“Agreed. I’ll let you know what happens with the samples.”

“Please do. Get home safely.” Lena smiles as she turns towards the door and takes her leave. Kara remains behind for a couple moments more, trying to calm her thumping heart, inhaling the rapidly fading scent of her best friend’s departure.

She grabs the files, then… in a moment of weakness, takes a sip from Lena’s tea resting on the counter.

Chamomile and cava. 

Lena’s stressed and tired and needs a break, Kara determines from her one sip. Strange, but Lena’s beverage selection has always been a window into her emotional state. The lack of scotch is promising.

The rest of the day passes in a haze of conversation and cloudiness. Kara does things, she’s well aware. She just doesn’t remember anything more specific than the feeling of being in Lena’s presence once more. 

Still, if Kara were to label the experience, she wouldn’t call it a sexual experience. She never got the swoopy belly, or that weird brain buzz. No, she just had... a strange desire to put her hands all over Lena’s body, sweaty palms, and an utter fascination with her inner thigh.

Perfectly reasonable things to feel about a person who’s as attractive as Lena.

And much later that night, when she’s deep in the throes of slumber, she dreams of removing those blacks silk thigh-highs with her teeth, soft laughter, threading her fingers through soft curls, and placing her lips over that exit wound along Lena’s back.

When she wakes with a thudding heart, damp sleep shorts, and ripped sheets, she thinks that maybe she should avoid Lena for a little bit.

Yes. 

That’s probably a good idea.

.::.::.::.

Except it’s a terrible idea and she doesn’t do it at all.

Two days after Lena returns, Kara drops on her home balcony with takeout and updates. She struggles with meeting Lena’s eyes as she pulls out container after container, but delights in the stories about the fancy dinner that landed Lena one of the biggest partnerships of her career.

“A completely green corporate complex?! That’s super exciting, Lena,” Kara grins as the other woman returns from her bedroom wearing a soft dark red fleece and grey joggers. Kara hears a low buzz in her ears and a tingle in her hands at the sight of Lena curling onto the couch.

Still, she forges on: “You get to develop clean energy with confidence that your partners also want the same commitment.” 

Kara tries to remain upbeat throughout their conversation, but after several rough days at work, long disheartening days as Supergirl dealing with humanity, and struggling with Lena's absence, all she really wants is comfort.

“What’s up?” Lena nudges her half way through their meal, deciding to push through Kara’s pretense.

“I just….” Kara sighs. “It’s just been a crappy couple of days and I’ve missed you a lot and then I realized something and it made me even sadder and now I can’t stop eating potstickers.”

“Well, you normally can’t stop eating those, so I’m not sure if that’s new.”

“True.”

There’s a fortifying beat as Lena sips from her mug. “Tell me what’s made you so sad.”

Kara looks up at Lena, then downs the last of her green tea. 

“Why don’t you hug me anymore?” Kara exhales her grief. “We used to hug all the time. But after we fell out, and the Crisis and everything else… You hardly ever touch me.”

There’s a prolonged silence, wherein Lena is thrown for a moment, trying to compute Kara’s statement. A couple seconds later, her heart restarts and she tries to gather a response. 

“To be fair, you haven’t tried to hug me either.”

“That’s because you got shot in the chest, saving my life!” Kara tries not to get frustrated at the way Lena stiffens at Kara's outburst. “In the beginning I was trying to be careful, I didn’t want to squeeze you too tight. And then… afterward, you made it pretty clear how averse you were to people touching you.”

At Lena’s blank look, Kara forges on. “Remember? It was… I don’t know maybe a month after we took down Lex? You were irritated because one of the executives was pregnant and everyone was hugging and happy and you said, ‘Yes, while I’m pleased Amy is finally with child, I don’t understand why everyone insists on hugging me to share their joy.’”

Lena quirks a brow in doubt as Kara shrugs, “Hey, I was trying to be considerate.”

“Seriously?” scoffs Lena, sighing.

“Yep.”

“You took a work-related incident and applied it to our friendship of several years? To a gesture I don’t think I’d ever shied away from in the past?”

“Yes?” Kara frowns, chagrined. 

“Oh .”

“Oh?”

“Well, yes. I just… I always waited to see if you wanted a hug. I’m not great at initiating —” Lena bites her lip as she looks down, fingers twisting in her lap. After a beat, she sucks in a breath, and stands to collect their containers. 

Kara tracks Lena's movements through her flat and with an increasing sense of understanding. “Lena?”

“Yes?” Lena deposits the containers in the trash, stowing the rest in the fridge. 

“What aren’t you great at?”

“A lot of things.”

Kara absorbs this and decides that maybe she needs to bridge this very obvious inability to reach out on Lena’s part. She takes in a deep breath and allows the weight of the past couple weeks to settle. When she looks up again, she wants only one thing.

“Lena?”

“Hmmm?” Lena is scrubbing the counter top, ensuring its cleanliness for the night.

“Can I have a hug?”

Lena stills for a moment, then looks up at Kara. With her fleece and long hair and dark frames, she looks so very soft to Kara. She seems to take in the exhaustion that clings to Kara’s form, her features worn from the relentless weeks apart. 

“Of course,” Lena replies sweetly. She rinses her hands and stows the sponge. Once she rounds the corner, she folds into Kara like a puzzle piece.

Kara can’t help but schlump into her, days of exhaustion and hard work taking their toll. She wraps her arms across Lena’s shoulders, feeling the slightly shorter woman curl her arms around Kara’s waist. Turning her head slightly, Kara tucks her head into Lena’s neck, inhaling the scent of her hair, reveling in the depth of her hold.

This hug is different than those from the past. Their arms are different, Lena is closer than she normally is, and Kara’s hugging her tighter than ever.

“I missed you,” Kara murmurs, meaning it in more ways that one.

And she has. So very much. Too much, maybe.

“Me too,” Lena whispers with conviction.

Kara tightens her hold as Lena starts to run her fingers up and down Kara’s back, scratching along the firm muscle encased in Lena’s borrowed M.I.T. sweatshirt. Her fingers practically crawl along the sinew and stretch the tissue, providing comfort and sheer relief. Letting out the deepest of sighs, Kara succumbs to the pull of Lena’s ministrations, her eyes drifting shut as she continues to breathe in the scent of shea butter and rose hips.

After an untold period of time, she feels Lena let out a deep breath and straighten ever so lightly. It’s enough to let Kara know how heavy she is at times.

“C’mon, let’s get you to the couch,” Lena says with a rough voice. “I’ll get you some tea. We can watch a movie until you fall asleep.”

“Sounds good.” No, it sounds perfect.

Kara collapses on Lena’s supple couch and flicks on the TV. She pulls up The Philadelphia Story and settles in, waiting for Lena to arrive with their preferred bedtime selection of peppermint vanilla tea.

She sets down Kara’s mug on the coffee table and her own on the table at the opposite end of the couch. Lena’s about to fold her legs into the corner and take a seat when Kara grunts.

“What?”

“Need more hugs.”

“Kara,” Lena sighs in exasperation. “What, you want me to cuddle you now?”

Kara opens her arms wide. “Pretty much. Come, come. You know I’m warm.”

Lena rolls her eyes, but acquiesces without much of a fight. There's a flashing moment, when she's crawling up to her position, her hair swept over her shoulder, gaze dark and lip tucked between her teeth that causes the air to catch in Kara's chest. It passes just as rapidly and all is normal again.

She tucks in beside Kara. Her back is to the couch as she rests her arm across Kara’s torso; her head on Kara’s shoulder. She’s stiff at first until Kara drops her arms and tugs Lena even closer. 

“Thank you,” Kara whispers. “Needed this.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lena tries to offer nonchalantly, but her accelerated heart rate says otherwise. 

They settle into the movie, Lena occasionally pushing up to sip her tea before it cools. When she falls back the last time, she shifts up and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Kara’s jaw and mumbles something akin to ‘goodnight.’

Soon after, Lena falls asleep, her breaths level and soft. Kara remains awake for a short while after. She ponders the comfort she derives in the weight of Lena’s form against her body, the feel of her hand as it claims part of her ribcage, the puffs of air against her chin. 

There’s a moment where Kara considers returning Lena to bed. It would be the considerate thing to do. But just this once, she wants to be selfish… She wants to revel in the quiet and ease with her friend. Her beautiful, kind, selfless friend. 

Kara’s never considered what it is to have another person sleep near her, but she is now. 

It’s the complete surrender. It’s trust, it’s fatigue, it’s calm. She runs her hands up and down Lena’s side and feels the other woman curl instinctively closer to her, humming in response. When her long, delicate fingers tangle tighter into Kara’s sweatshirt, a slow-growing warmth settles deep in Kara’s chest.

She decides that she wants this. She’s wanted this for a while, but she never knew what to do with the want. She wants Lena in her arms. She wants to hold her tight, and long, and slow, and gentle. She doesn't know what it means for them, or for her. 

She just knows that this feeling right here? Indescribable and perfect? It’s the answer to all her vague, inarticulate questions.

This is her friend who makes her feel things she’s never once felt before, with anyone. It's not new, it's simply unrecognized.

This comfort, the sheer sense of belonging that she feels when Lena mumbles incoherently against her neck, her leg pressing close against hers? It’s utterly divine. She smiles softly and places a kiss against Lena’s temple. Tugging a blanket over them, she shuts off the TV and settles in for the night. 

Breathing in deep, she squeezes Lena gently, grinning when the other woman hums and tightens her grasp in response.

Kara chooses to be selfish.

.::..::...::.

“I’ve been giving it some thought,” Kara says over a bucket of extra spicy chicken wings she’s sharing with Kelly and Alex.

It’s been two weeks and all she can think about is that hug she shared with Lena. The utter peace she felt when she awoke the following morning to a hand curled under her shirt and a leg draped over hers. Disregard that her own hands had wandered in a similar fashion. 

It was before dawn, but Kara had to get to an early interview and Lena had her spin class. She’d deposited her friend in bed, made her a cup of espresso, then bolted off the balcony in glee and fear of being late.

They’ve seen each other several times since then and every single time, Lena makes sure to give Kara a hug. These hugs that are never short and probably a bit too intimate for friends to share.

Whatever.

“Giving what some thought?” Alex arches a brow while scooping some mashed potatoes into her mouth. “I know you get paid to do this, but I don’t think they can make you every single wing flavor on the menu.”

“How else am I supposed to give a thoughtful, well researched review?”

Kelly sighs as they bicker back and forth, eating her salad with composure. After Alex finally acknowledges that Kara has a point and Kara orders the final round of wings on the ‘hotter than the sun’ spicy menu, Kelly strikes.

“So I feel like you weren’t talking about food earlier when you said you’d been giving something some thought.”

“Oh yeah, that,” Kara tries for nonchalance.

“You’re so perceptive Kelly. One of the many things I love about you,” Alex says as she leans against her fiance. “Anyway, what’s up?”

“I think that I may be attracted to women. Or at least a woman.” 

Alex chokes on her Diet Coke as she narrows her eyes at Kara. “Which woman?”

“Who do you think?” Kara asks softly.

“Oh, I know who it is, but after many discussions with Kelly who’s engaged me on several issues regarding aliens and the complication of being attracted to humans, I’m just wondering if you’re willing to do anything about it.”

Kara tosses the last wing into the bucket and starts wiping off her hands in contemplation. “I’m not sure yet. I’m just pretty pumped to have Lena in my life again. Should I really tempt fate and mess with the balance we’ve reached?”

“Kara, you’re asking questions only you can answer. Risking friendship to confess your feelings is always a big deal,” Kelly states as she settles in her seat, sipping her drink in contemplation before Alex continues the thread.

“But… we acknowledge that you’ve both been through way too much for this to hold you back. If she doesn’t feel the same, then you know. And if she does, then… we think it will be more than worth it.”

“So I just need to figure out if what I feel is worth the price of our friendship?”

“I don’t think it’s that extreme, Kara. Maybe a week of awkwardness, max,” Alex reaches out and swipes one of the last fried pickles. “Besides, how long did it take you to get used to being around James again?”

“Well, I mean… a while. A decent amount of time." Kara frowns. "Weeks to months.”

Alex gives her a long-suffering look, while Kelly chuckles.

“Fine, it took a little bit. Okay?”

“All I’m saying is that, you’ve had to let down several people in the past. You’ve had unrequited experiences before. It’ll take some time, but you’ll get over it.”

“Got it.” Kara nods, but doesn't feel so sure about that. Thinking about James and Jack, she doesn't think anyone ever truly gets over Lena Luthor.

“Besides,” Alex rubs her hands together as the last tray of super spicy wings arrives. “it’s not like you’re in love with her, so it won’t be too bad.”

At the mention of love, Kara feels something clench in her chest, unbidden. Oh no. That’s… she’s not there yet. She loves Lena. But she’s not… she isn’t… she’s not there yet. But she could be. Very easily.

As they head home for the night, Kara tries to ignore how unsettled she feels, the weird buzz in her limbs, the tightness of her stomach, the clench in her chest.

It’s almost like her whole body is calling for something and she’s not sure what to do.

.::.::.::.

Worth it . 

That’s quite the challenge, determining if something is worth the heartache and awkwardness and despair.

Kara would be sacrificing this quiet moment right here: she’s picking away across her keyboard while Lena is standing in front of a smartboard, working out a theory. It’s quiet except for the low hum from a chillhop station on her surround sound.

Kara glances up from time to time, pensive. Lena’s either writing or staring outside, occasionally wiping the board partially clean and continuing on or veering off onto a tangent. 

It’s not until Kara glances up for the 83rd time in 9 minutes that she decides she’s more distracted by Lena than she ought to be. She compares her current enlightened state to those of times past and doesn’t feel that anything is different. 

She takes in Lena’s appearance and deliberates over what makes tonight so special. Lena’s hair is parted, up in a French twist, and she’s wearing that snug long-sleeve bright red dress that works in meetings and comfortable enough for after-hours, like now.

Because Lena is in Thinking Mode, which equals sleeves up, writing utensil often to mouth for nibbling (such a terrible habit, Lena, Lilian criticizes from afar), and an ever present cup of Earl Grey at her beck and call. Never mind that it’s her third cup. Every time she goes to steep a new bag, she returns with ideas anew.

Kara would know. She’s seen this process many, many times over the years. After the third cup, she’ll start to wind down. Either opt for a cup of chamomile or a glass of wine, based on whether she’s eaten. 

“Lena?” Kara calls, but Lena is still unreachable, lost in thought. 

Kara stows her laptop, then stands and walks towards her friend. Lena’s staring at the board, mind vigorously churning. She reaches out and touches Lena carefully on the shoulder. “Lena?”

“Hmmm?” Lena doesn’t jump, but she stiffens at the contact. She always stiffens first. Like she’s prepared to run, hide, or fight.

It always makes Kara want to tug this wonderful human close to her body and teach her not to be afraid of touch. That it’s okay to want. It’s taken a while to get Lena to this point, and it will take much longer to get her even further. 

“Dinner soon? I was thinking maybe that Ethiopian place?” Kara tries to hide the hope in her voice, but she wants so much to do enjoyable things now.

“Hmmm,” Lena scribbles a couple more notations on the board and then caps her marker, pulling away with several blinks. Stretching her stiff neck slowly, she gives Kara the warmest of smiles.

“Actually, I made dinner last night. Want some leftovers?”

Kara knows Lena is a wonderful cook, but she’s never known Lena to offer much by way of leftover. 

“Why do you even have those? You never have leftovers.”

“My date got pulled away?” Lena turns away then, places her marker atop her desk as she collects her purse and tablet. 

Kara stutters. Date? Lena had a date. Lena. Had. A. Date. She doesn’t know what to do with this information. Why is she here if Lena is having Dates?

“Oh that’s… that’s —”

“It’s okay though,” Lena says assuredly as she turns back to Kara. She takes a measured breath as she seems to come to a decision, her voice gentle, yet firm: “You’re here now.”

Kara feels everything go in slow motion as she digests Lena’s words, the offer of leftovers and the itchiness her hands feel at observing Lena’s graceful movement.

“I missed dinner?” Kara frowns as she turns to a pink-cheeked Lena.

“Yes, you were at that fire on 7th and Main? Remember the five people and two cats?”

“I do, but… were we having dinner?”

“Yes, but you got swept up in activity.”

Kara frowns, mentally reviewing the past three days until she locks onto the very casual reference to dinner from her best friend. Oh. Date. As in, casual best friend date. 

Not. 

Date. Date.

It’s okay. It calms Kara. Knowing that she hasn’t inadvertently stood up her best friend on an actual date. Because… that would not be okay.  

“Wait. I feel like I told you I wasn’t going to be able to make it before I got pulled away,” she says quietly as she turns to Lena. Lena, who’s looking at her with a smug, knowing smile. 

“You did.”

“But then —“

“C’mon. It’s spaghetti. I think you said it’s better if it’s set for a day or so?”

“Lena?” Kara’s bewildered, standing in the center of Lena’s office. 

Hand on the door, her long fingers tugging the razor sharp clip that holds up her long, long hair. “Yes?”

Lena’s hair unfurls and she turns to Kara with a patient, fond look. It causes a wide sweep in her stomach, a low buzz in her ears, a sweat in her palms, a flush through her entire body. She receives the softest of smiles from her best of friends and suddenly, she is lost. 

And then Lena’s head tilts to the side, and she holds out her hand, a different sort of smile creeping over her face.

“Kara?”

It takes a moment, then she’s across the office and in front of Lena, her heart thudding. She takes Lena’s hand, walking into warmth and comfort and love. They take a few steps to the elevator and wait for its arrival. The door opens and they step inside. 

Ignoring the tightness of the space, Kara focuses on Lena’s heartbeat, slow and steady. Their hands are still clasped. Their cheeks are increasingly pink.

“Hey, Lena?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I be your date?”

Lena bows her head, lips quirking at the corners. “I thought you’d never ask.”

There’s a beat. A flush. A deep lub-dub of a heart beating. 

And then —

“But to answer your question,” Lena turns and looks Kara directly in the eyes, her voice soft and firm. “Every night...for the rest of my life.”

The door opens and they step outside. Kara feels like a weight’s been lifted off her chest. Glad for Lena’s hold, otherwise she’d float away. She may still. She can’t help the bright, blinding smile that plasters across her face.

Squeezing Lena’s hand gently, she whispers, “I’d like that. Very much.”

.::.

They arrive at Lena’s and everything is almost normal. Normal except for the gazes that hold for a beat too long. Normal except for the lingering touches. Normal except for the conversation that still needs to be had.

They’re sitting on the stools at her counter, knees pressed against each other, arms resting atop the Italian marble. Their words are slow forming because they keep getting caught up in just looking at each other, caught up in the creeping smiles, caught up in the blush of knowing.

Kara’s still grinning at Lena while she picks at her salad, taking a prim bite of a tomato while Kara devours her fourth plate of spaghetti. It’s a little spicy and a little sweet and a lot delicious. She knows for a fact she’s got sauce everywhere, it’s part of the reason she loves it so much. 

“You’re such a child,” Lena sighs as she reaches over with her thumb and swipes at Kara’s cheek. She sticks the thumb in her mouth absently and returns to her salad, but Kara is frozen by the movement. 

Lena turns back to Kara, curious as to what’s kept her still, when a trill sounds between them.

“Ugh,” Kara frowns at her watch. She pushes the button on her earpiece and sighs. “Yes?”

“Dude, I’ve been trying to reach you for over twenty minutes! Turn on the news!”

Kara does so quickly and both she and Lena suck in a breath at the destruction of an aging tech factory along the waterfront.

“We need you here, now,” Alex yells. “We think it’s some anti-alien tech that was sabotaged. Either way, there are some weird gasses, a couple meta-humans, and a superstrong alien running around. Also wear your protective helmet. I have no idea what’s going on out here.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Kara assures. She looks over at Lena who’s nodding knowingly. 

“Go save the world, Supergirl. I’m not going anywhere.”

Kara smiles and in her haste forgets to hug Lena goodbye. 

Not only that, she forgot to get a kiss. A first, last kiss. She frets about it the entire three hours and 47 minutes she spends by the waterfront. 

.::.

Kara lands upon Lena’s balcony, tired and a little sweaty. She silently enters her living room, finding it empty but the tea kettle nearing the whistle-point.

A few moments later, the trilling sound prompts Lena to pad down the hallway towards her kitchen, removing the kettle from the stove. She pours the steamy water into her cup, leaning forward to feel the scented steam on her face.

Kara hums just loud enough to alert Lena of her presence. Lena turns toward Kara, setting down her mug. She leans against the counter, hand braced on her hip with a sleepy smile.

“Forget something?”

“Yeah,” Kara takes several assured steps until she’s right in front of Lena, taking in her pajama-clad form. “The most important thing.”

She reaches out and tucks a lock of hair behind Lena’s ear and slides her hand around Lena’s neck, and pulls her close. They exchange a breath, just long enough for Lena to pull away if she so desires, before Kara pushes forward and gently presses her lips to Lena’s. It’s received with a smile at first and then a delighted embrace.

Kara finally experiences that moment that so many humans reference in movies and books and even real life. That moment of clarity where everything else seems to melt away and all that she knows is this moment, this woman, and the roaring feelings of ardent love and affection inside her.

Next, it’s the absolute absence of ambient sound, only Lena’s increasingly thudding heart and Kara’s own increasing hum. Then there is the chemical explosion in her own body, the rush of pheromones, the sheer desire to push closer, to have her own body aligned with Lena’s. 

She tilts her head to the side and pulls Lena’s bottom lip between her teeth, her tongue glancing against Kara’s upper lip. She presses forward until Lena’s against the counter, clean smelling and soft.

Lips tender and her taste of peppermint, Lena curls her tongue against Kara's and she releases an unbidden moan. Lena’s hands are warm and daring, griping Kara’s jaw as she presses up on her tip-toes to get even better access. There’s another moan, she’s uncertain who, but then she’s licking into Lena’s mouth and tightens her grip on Lena’s hips.

She’s never felt more alive. Everything feels electric.

Lena pulls away, only to collect some air, her hand moving from Kara’s shoulder to her hair, threading downward as she unleashes an unrestrained, dimpled smile. She presses forward with another close kiss, then pulls away with a smile.

“I can’t believe I left without kissing you goodbye. It was all I could think about the entire time. I honestly couldn’t tell you a thing I did after I left.”

“Seems unsafe,” Lena kisses the corner of her mouth. “Maybe you should always kiss me goodbye so you don’t have any regrets.”

“I should also kiss you hello, too. Just to be sure.”

“And good morning, for good measure.”

“Well we can’t have a good morning without a goodnight kiss,” Kara is grinning so hard her cheeks burn. She kisses Lena again, and again, and again. 

The last one devolves into biting her bottom lip and scratching along her scalp and Kara practically feels the vibration of pleasure building within her.

“What’s that sound?” Lena murmurs against her lips.

“Mmmm?” Kara is so dazed, she’s uncertain of anything.

“That strange hum you’re making.”

“Oh… uh,” Kara flushes. “It’s weird right? I don’t know how to not do it.”

“But what is it?”

“Uh, well… you know, it’s like this…” Kara sputters.

“It sounds like a purr.”

“Well, it’s not... I mean. I’m not a cat. But… yeah it’s like a purr. I don’t know how we do it. It’s just a sound that we emit when we’re like… you know. Feeling a certain kind of way.”

Lena pulls back with a wicked smirk, her eyes glitter with mischief. “And what kind of way would that be?”

“Hmph,”Kara replies as Lena’s fingers trail down her neck and over collar bones then back up and into her hair where she gently massages the base of Kara’s neck. Eyes sliding closed, Kara leans forward, her forehead pressed against Lena’s.

“Kara?”

“Mmmhmmm?”

“And how do you feel?”

“A combination of content and aroused.”

“Good answer.” Lena slowly stops her ministrations, kissing Kara on the forehead.

Kara pulls away, but her eyes are glazed and pupils blown. There are many things she wants right now, but she feels so overwhelmed, she can’t figure out where to start. 

“I’ve wanted this for…” Lena sighs, “far too long. But it’s worth it. Having this chance, with you.”

A flush envelops Kara, only just before Lena’s own admission. “This isn’t a new development?”

“Sadly, no.”

“I am so sorry it took me this long,” Kara frowns, pressing her sorrow against Lena’s lips. It’s firm and more of a pout than anything.

When they pull away, Lena’s fingers card through her hair, a stubborn set to her features. “No sorrow. Only joy.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Never been more sure.” Lena presses forward, placing her lips upon Kara’s, quickly opening up to swipe her tongue over Kara’s. “So sure.”

The moment rapidly degrades into a flurry of feeling and reaching and desperation. She slides her hands over Lena’s buttocks and gives them a squeeze that has been years in the making. The sharp inhale of breath from the brunette tells Kara that it’s well received. 

Just after, she quickly tugs Lena’s legs up and wraps them around her waist. She somehow finds the nearest wall and presses Lena against it, her hands bracketing Lena’s head as she abandons Lena’s mouth and makes her way to her neck. She lavishes a very specific amount of praise on the freckle that has taunted her for so long, then sucks on Lena’s pulse point, biting perhaps a touch too hard.

It’ll bruise. She’s very pleased about that fact.

Then Lena grinds against her and Kara almost blacks out from the sheer desire that overtakes her, breath shuddering and heart thudding.

Kara comes to with her hand far up Lena’s sweatshirt, thumb grazing a lace brassiere and a pale hand squeezing her own buttocks. It’s a great experience. Would recommend.

“Mmmmhhhpph.” Kara moans, the vibration in her chest roaring.

“Is that a good noise or bad?”

“Only good. All the good. So much.”

“We should… uh, we need to breathe,” Lena murmurs against Kara’s throat. “Take a breather.”

They pull apart, Lena’s hand pulling up to Kara’s shoulders, Kara’s falling to her waist. Sucking in a deep breath, she looks as amorous as Kara feels, eyes unfocused and lips love-bitten.

“What’s up?” Kara murmurs, her eyes focused on the pout of Lena’s full lips and her seaglass eyes.

“We should take this slow.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve been friends for years, then enemies, then friends. Our respect is owed to our friendship.”

There is a beat for Kara to consider Lena’s words. Then she asks softly, “What are you afraid of?”

Lena pulls as far away as she can, (it isn’t far) and gnaws on her bottom lip unkindly. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” she whispers. “What if I’m not good enough?” She lets out a shallow breath. “You are one of the best people I’ve ever known. I don’t… I know… I’m going to let you down Kara.”

“So what?”

There’s this gap of space and time. Lena digests those words and Kara leans in to press a loving kiss against her forehead to reinforce them. 

“Lena, we’re going to disappoint each other. It’s inevitable. We all have unrealistic expectations. But we can talk things through when we have issues, not just hold them in and wait for them to fester,” Kara gently releases Lena’s legs, letting her ease both feet back to the ground. “I just ask that you take my small amount of humanity into account when you consider my faults.”

“Kara —” Lena frowns, her filled eyes releasing a tear down her cheek. “I love your faults.”

“No you don’t. And that’s okay.”

“But they make you who you are. I know you’re reckless and stubborn, but you’re passionate and loyal and —”

“And so are you,” Kara levels assuredly. “Nothing you can say or provide will make me believe otherwise.”

Lena pulls her bottom lip between her teeth once more as she weighs Kara’s words. She lets out a wet sigh while Kara swipes away Lena’s tears, kissing both cheeks after. Tugging the other woman in for a hug, Kara is struck once again how tightly they slot together, how perfectly they fit in each other’s arms.

“How about I get you some pajamas and we get some sleep,” Lena murmurs into Kara’s neck.

“Sounds perfect. I’ll turn out the lights and grab your tea.”

“Thank you,” Lena goes up on her tip toes and kisses Kara’s temple, then walks down the hall to her bedroom.

Kara’s heart is still thundering and she’s so full of happiness that she’s unsure if she’ll be able to fall asleep anytime soon. But she knows how tired Lena is, and she’s perfectly content to lie beside her the rest of the night, counting her breaths and the comforting beats of her heart.

When she reaches Lena’s bedroom, the bed is already turned down and she’s in the bathroom, brushing her teeth. There’s a set of sleep shorts and a t-shirt for Kara, knowing she runs hot at night. Kara changes into the sleepwear and hangs her suit on a hook behind the door, boots stowed nearby.

After flossing, Lena silently hands over a spare toothbrush, playfully hip-checking Kara as she starts to brush her teeth. Kara leans forward and gently bumps Lena, smiling when the woman over-dramatically falls against the wall in response. Hiding a smile, Lena straightens with a ruffled toss of hair.

Huffing, Lena rolls her eyes while Kara just chuckles.

Lena’s skin is already bare, having washed it prior to Kara’s arrival, but she still applies a layer of skin cream more expensive than Kara’s rent. Kara washes her face and with the available cleanser on the counter, aware of her efforts not long ago. She applies some benign looking lotion carefully, watching Lena’s backside as she retreats into the bedroom. 

Lena crawls onto the bed and lets out a deep sigh that Kara feels in her bones. It feels almost like a breath that Lena’s kept inside for months. As she flicks off the lights, Kara wants to ask how long Lena’s had feelings for her, but she’ll save that for a later day.

Right now, she’s going to climb into bed and hug this woman until they fall asleep.

She rolls to face Lena and they’re only a few inches apart, but it’s so far. The moonlight is falling over Lena’s form, illuminating her features. She looks otherworldly ethereal and so, so precious.

“C’mere,” Kara whispers, her hands reaching out to Lena, who acquiesces easily. She folds into Kara’s side, resting her head on the pillow still. Kara turns slightly, her lips grazing against Lena’s cheek before she turns to Kara.

She slides her nose against Kara's, lets out a shaky breath as her hand glides up the column of Kara’s throat. Her thumb strokes along Kara’s jaw as she presses even closer to Kara.

It’s heavenly.

Kara’s hand slides beneath Lena’s sleep top, long strokes against the expanse of bare skin on her back. She curls her free hand around Lena’s and brings it to her lips pressing secrets and promises into the skin and bone. 

Lena’s lips follow shortly thereafter, hot and wanting. They exchange several kisses and touches that border on losing control, but they keep toeing the edge.

There’s an unspoken agreement that they both aren’t ready yet. No, they’ve got some things to settle first.

So when Lena presses one last kiss to Kara’s temple, slotting a leg between Kara’s and settles in for the night, Kara pulls her close, close, just close enough. She feels Lena murmur silent words against her neck before sealing them into her skin, but Kara can only suspect the weight of the words.

Even though she thought she’d lie awake for hours, Kara’s suddenly somnolent, overcome with a deep and longing desire to sleep in the arms of someone she holds so dear.

So she does.

She dreams of laughter, running through fields and forests, occasional heartache and strife, and leisurely Sunday mornings in bed. She dreams of a boy with blond hair and bright green eyes, of a dark auburn-haired girl with ocean blue eyes and freckles. She dreams of meals with her sister and Kelly and their kids, James and Lucy, Nia and Brainy, her own children speeding around, Lena and Eliza working over something at the counter. She dreams of a dark-haired, laughing lover in her bed, gentle and rough and tough and kind and oh so beautiful. 

She dreams of a life well-lived, a selfish life. A wonderful, selfless life. A life that will be her own.

And it starts now. 

.::.::.::.::.::.

fin