Chapter Text
Cross My Fingers You Won’t Find Out
A few months had passed since Tobio had realised that him and Oikawa were soulmates. It had been at his last match in middle school when he saw his “name” on Oikawa’s right wrist. He hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it then; he certainly didn’t want to acknowledge it now. Now being at a stupid gathering with a lot of the teams Karasuno had played against (Even Shiratorizawa!! What the hell!). The teams were spread out in a big park and everyone was talking with everyone else, but practically all the third years who had just graduated were sitting in a circle, seemingly playing a game of truth or dare. It was then when for some reason the topic of soulmates was brought out. Tobio didn’t want to hear Oikawa talking about his, so he ended up sitting with Kenma who was playing a game and had turned his phone’s screen towards Tobio so he could also see. Unfortunately for them, certain people absolutely wanted them to socialise, so Kenma’s phone had been taken away, and both were now standing along with Shouyou, Lev and Chigaya. They were talking about blocking techniques when Sugawara suddenly appeared and dragged Tobio away from the others towards the group of third years.
“Um Suga-san, what are we doing?” Whatever they were going to do was something Tobio wasn’t going to like, he could feel it in his bones.
“We are going there so you can explain something I don’t know how to do.” With that said, both were now in front of everyone else, who all seemed surprised by Sugawara’s actions as much as Tobio was. But everyone also seemed confused, while some had small looks of realisation crossing their features.
“We were talking about how our soulmate’s name could change from after we turn 16, and some didn’t understand where I was coming from, and Kageyama-kun, you’re the first one who spoke about that issue in my entourage so I thought you would be the best person to explain the issue to the others. Some of us could be faced with a situation so yeah. Please explain what you told me!”
Ah fuck was the only thing going through Tobio’s head. After all, explaining to Sugawara what his situation was fine and all but explaining it not only to people he had played against, but the best friends of his soulmate and said soulmate was going to be hell.
“Um, in the world the issue has been already acknowledged but it seems in Japan it’s more difficult. What I mean is, some people could’ve changed their birth names, maybe because they didn’t like it or something-“he didn’t have the time to finish before he was already being cut off, by a best friend of all people.
“But why would you change your name? Like maybe I don’t really like my name, doesn’t mean I want to change it since seeing it on my soulmate’s wrist always brings me joy” Everyone groaned when the pink haired and the black curly haired players from Aoba Johsai turned towards each other to blow each other a kiss.
Tobio sighed, before looking at the sky, trying to find the right words. “I hate having to read my name on my soulmate’s wrist.” At that, a tensed silence suddenly spread in which everyone had looked at Tobio as if he was crazy, with the Karasuno third years as exceptions.
“The first time I read my name on my soulmate’s wrist I wanted to deny it. I knew that I had his name, but it was common enough for me that I didn’t think of him as an option. That was until the day I saw the name. I had it when I was born, but I despised my name, not because it was ugly or because of how it was written or another stupid reason. I didn’t like it because everyone who called me that name expected me to wear a dress, or a skirt, and to love to play with dolls, and to play dress up. I despised every expectation. I wanted to play volleyball, I wanted to have short hair.” Almost everyone in that circle had a sudden realisation, why Tobio never seemed to take off his shirt even if he was dying of heat, even when they went swimming, or why he never bathed with others.
“I was born a girl, but I can assure you, the most girly things about me are things I don’t have the right to change about me. I was able to change my name right before entering middle school, since my double nationality allowed me to choose my gender on my passport, the Japanese one had to do so too. That’s why I hate seeing my name on my soulmate’s wrist, because I know he’s expecting a woman, and I’m anything but one right now. Unless you want to speak about my body’s curves and my reproduction system.”
It seemed that many of the other players had shown up during his explanation, and many were supporting looks of disbelief, while unfortunately some had looks of disgust slowly being painted on their faces. It might not have mattered to Tobio what others thought of him, but right now his biggest worry was looking upon Oikawa’s reaction. From here, he couldn’t see his face, but he could clearly see the other touching his right wrist in a delicate matter. While being distracted, he didn’t realise Lev appearing behind him until he felt hands gripping the bottom of his shirt. He didn’t have time to react before his shirt had been taken off to show his chest being covered by his binder. Yaku had already been up to kick Lev’s ass for doing something inappropriate while Tobio had immediately dropped in a crouch like position, to hide his chest as best as he could. What he didn’t see was Oikawa had been up way before Yaku had been, though instead of going after Lev he had himself taken off his shirt and was now in front of Tobio. He touched his shoulder, and when he had his attention, had passed Tobio head through his shirt. Tobio, confused, had mechanically raised his arms to put on the shirt completely. When he was sure Tobio had his shirt on completely, Oikawa stalked towards Lev, with a few Karasuno members. All people could hear was Lev screaming “I didn’t get what he meant about the body part, so I just wanted to know! I’m sorry!”
Ushijima, who had mostly been silent while watching the exchange, had gotten up to help Tobio stand up, and helped him sit down further away. He seemed hesitant to speak, but when Tobio gave a questioning look, he sighed.
“I was raised to be against what you explained. The way you identify yourself, I have never met someone like you before. I don’t want you to think I think any less of you in terms of your playing, but I am afraid I can’t look at you with acceptance. I have just gotten over my homophobic thoughts, it will take me a long time to be comfortable with who you are, and I apologise for it.” Tobio had listened, and only nodded at his explanation.
“I won’t care if you don’t accept me, I understand that most Japanese wouldn’t be accepting. But can I ask you not to tell others about my situation, and to try and either call me by my name or just not call me in case you are uncomfortable with it? Mis gendering me, as in calling me a her would be discriminating.” Ushijima nodded, and left, but not before saying a few words.
“I hope you and your soulmate will be happy. I’m sure he will accept you for who you are, no matter the thoughts in your head. I know I’m not really accepting right now, but I’ve done what I can to make my soulmate feel comfortable, and I am slowly getting better at understanding my sexuality and that it isn’t wrong. Please be kind to yourself.”
The Lev situation had seemed to calm down, seeing as he was walking over with his head down, followed closely by Yaku and Oikawa. He immediately dropped into a full bow in front of Tobio. “I’m really sorry! I didn’t even think that you being born a girl could mean you have boobs! I just didn’t understand what you meant by your body or something! I also threw your shirt on the ground when Yaku kicked me for taking it off so now it’s really dirty and- “
“It’s fine, I understand. Just, don’t do it again yeah? You’re lucky I was even wearing a binder, otherwise I would’ve flashed my boobs to around 30 men, and that’s not really nice, is it?” The horror filling Lev’s face made Tobio feel a bit better. When he processed the part about his shirt though, he immediately looked towards Oikawa, who was already looking at him. When Tobio tried saying something, the other beat him to it.
“Iwa-chan has a spare jacket he went to take from his bag, I’ll be fine.” Tobio nodded, but he could see the others were suddenly surrounding them. He took a deep breath, “If you have questions, about me being transgender, whether about my feelings or my experiences, I don’t mind answering them, as long as it’s appropriate.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After answering a lot of questions, the others finally started to go back to what they were doing before Tobio’s coming out, all except for Oikawa. He suddenly sat down beside the other and was silently looking at the others. Tobio could see Iwaizumi looking back, but he seemed to hesitate in going towards them, before finally doing so. When he started walking over, he was accompanied by the other two third years, whom Tobio still di not know the name off. When they arrived, Iwaizumi sat down in front of Oikawa, and took his hands in his own, turning his writs so they could all see the name written.
富愛
Tomie. Tobio’s dead name.
“Maybe the situation is similar, to Tobio’s. Maybe your soulmate is transgender and is just waiting for you to sweep them off their feet- “Tobio frowned in confusion, while Oikawa cut Iwaizumi off with a sigh.
“I shouldn’t hope, in case in ends up being a girl, and I end up disappointed. It wouldn’t be right for them, at all.” Tobio was still confused, so he ended up speaking up, since this was indirectly about him, and his past self.
“What do you mean disappointed?” Oikawa startled, seemingly realising he wasn’t only with his friends. He turned slowly towards Tobio and ended up just sighing while looking up at the sky. His pink-haired friend looked at Tobio and softly smiled.
“Oikawa hasn’t liked his soulmate’s name, because it’s a girl’s, and that he’s definitely gay. That was what we were talking about with the others before Sugawara got up to drag you to us.” Tobio sat there with wide eyes and turned towards Oikawa.
“But you’ve had girlfriends though? I remember back in middle school you dated like three girls in the one year I knew you.” Iwaizumi laughed at that and turned towards Tobio while still holding on to Oikawa’s wrists.
“He was pushing himself to be with women because of his soulmate’s name but trust me when I tell you he hated being with a girl probably as much as you hated being one.” Oikawa looked ready to protest before he also turned towards Tobio, and what he saw surprised him. Tobio was tightly holding on to his wrist, where a band was hiding his soulmate’s name. He seemed sad and kind of ashamed. He wasn’t the only one to realise it, as Mattsun put his hand on Tobio’s shoulder to get him to look at him-
“You seem down, what’s wrong? IS this about your soulmate?”
“My soulmate, I know who he is. I’ve known since my third year of middle school. But I never said anything, because I’m a man who was born a woman, and even if he might be ok with that, my body is still that of a woman. So, my soulmate would have to be ok with seeing a woman’s body on a daily, while never calling me by my dead name and with female pronouns. Then there’s his family that comes into the picture: the older Japanese generation tend to be closed off about everything to do with transgenders. Maybe I would have to hide who I am, by dressing up as a girl. Maybe we would have to hide the fact that we’re soulmates. And that’s if I’m even accepted by him. What would his friends think? His colleagues where he would work. I know I would never be accepted in the volleyball scene, but my soulmate is going to go pro, so I would tarnish his name by just being me. I don’t think I can do it, tell my soulmate. I wouldn’t want to ruin his entire life, just to be with me.”
No words could be heard. Iwaizumi and the two others seemed to be looking dejected after hearing of his worries, but Oikawa. Oikawa looked furious. He looked as though Tobio had just insulted his entire family, which in a way he had indirectly done so by calling them close-minded. He seemed to collect his thoughts though, before turning towards him with determined eyes. The other three, seeing his expression, got up to leave them alone. They also seemed to guard, as to let them be uninterrupted.
“Tobio, listen to me yeah? I’ll tell you what I think if you were my soulmate and you rejected me because of the reasons you just stated. First, I wouldn’t care. I’m gay, yes, but you’re a man. You might have the body of a woman, but since it’s your body, last time I’ve checked you’re a man. So, that makes your body that of a man’s. Second, my family is really open-minded. I’ve already come out to them as gay, and they accepted it, in fact my sister did some research and said that I might have a transgender man as a soulmate, whom they would accept. I do have to agree with the fact that not everyone in my family would accept it, such as my grandparents or maybe some of my cousins, but I really don’t care, and you shouldn’t either. As for the third point, regarding volleyball, if I do end up going pro, I’m doing it far from Japan. I’m going to start school here, in Tokyo to be more precise, but I’m not staying for longer than three years. I’m then going to Argentina, to follow a setter who has agreed to teach me everything he knows. I would play there, and last time I’ve checked, the people there are way more accepting then here. So, my colleagues wouldn’t care, as for the rest of the world though, I don’t give two shits. So that part about ruining my entire life, it’s completely wrong, you understand? Wrong.”
Tobio was crying, he was silently letting tears fall down his cheeks. Oikawa had probably never seen him cry, other than that day in middle school, after the younger’s last match. Seeing the other so sad, he hadn’t had the heart to tell him off, so he had just ended up asking where he was going for high school. He hadn’t understood why the younger had seemed so scared suddenly when Oikawa spoke to him. In fact, he still didn’t understand now.
“Tobio, why did you cry back then? When you saw me after your match, you ended up crying while walking away, but right before you looked really scared, mortified even.” He could see the other had tried to compose himself, but after Oikawa’s question he almost seemed sacred yet again.
“Um, I don’t really remember- “
“Don’t lie. Please, just tell me. I won’t get mad.”
“Tomie, it’s a pretty name. That day was the day I saw it on your wrist.”
“What? Why would that make…you sad? You asked about my girlfriends, you cried when I told you why rejecting me would be stupid. Tobio, what name do you have on your wrist?”
Tobio turned his wrist over and took off his band.
徹
Tooru. The name on Tobio’s wrist spelled Tooru.