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It was weird really, feeling so hungry. He hadn’t felt such a strong urge to eat in months; it was tearing at him, weaving through his thoughts and eating at his resolve. The only time he remembered being quite this hungry was when he first turned into a ghoul. When was the last time he even ate? What, a month or two ago? He wasn’t even sure why he hadn’t eaten yet, usually he’s smarter about things like this.
He also realized it probably was a really terrible idea, having not brought his eyepatch with him while out in public being so damn hungry. He could smell everyone, the hundred’s of enticing scents around him, taunting him. He figured he could probably kill any of them right here too. After all, they were just defenseless humans, and he was a powerful ghoul, and he was so damn hungry...
He shook his head, trying to clear his minds of such dangerous thoughts. Yet as he continued walking through the streets, he couldn’t help it. All the alluring aromas were distracting him, taking his mind elsewhere. He glanced over and saw a little girl playing with her dad, both laughing. Both looking incredibly tempting.
“Snap out of it Kaneki,” he hissed to himself, snapping his head forwards. He had to get back to Anteiku or something, have some of those ‘‘sugar cubes’’ to curb his appetite.
There were moments that blurred together as he walked back, and he even felt confused and found any control he had before was quickly dissolving. Within little time at all he felt the innate urge to eat consume his body and his mind, “I have to eat...” He mumbled, walking through the darkening streets as he drew closer and closer to Anteiku. “I have to eat...”
His kagune sprung out and coiled tightly behind his back as he walked through the shadows, until he smelled something so deliciously familiar and sweet, that he just gave up hiding completely and ran around the corner to find the source of the smell.
“Yes, finally!” He cried out, his kagune enshrouding him, a steady stream of drool coming from his mouth. He ran forward and pinned the man in front of him, his thoughts consisting of only one thing; I have to eat.
“Kaneki, stop!” The man gasped, struggling and failing to break free of the kagune that were pinning him to the ground. “It’s me! Your friend, Hide!”
“Hide...” Kaneki breathed, some of his senses returning to him. He shuddered and got up, fighting every urge to eat.
“Yeah, it’s me,” Hide said, shaking a little. “Glad to see you’re alive man. Haven’t seen you in months!”
“I...I don’t...” Kaneki couldn’t finish his sentence, the urge to eat so overwhelmingly strong that he had to hold onto the side of a trashcan just so he wouldn’t launch himself at Hide. All he could smell was the tantalizing flesh and blood in front of him, all packaged into one delightfully brightly colored person. “Hide...you have to leave.”
Hide rolled his eyes and said, “I’m not going to leave you. Besides, Anteiku is only across the street, so I’m sure we can make, can’t we?”
Kaneki was so starved that he couldn’t properly focus on what Hide was saying, it all just sounded like a jumble of sounds. He held his breath and pinched his nose, trying to stop himself from smelling anything. While it worked for a short bit, not being able to smell anything, it still didn’t help the delicious sight of Hide in front of him. Would one bite really be all that bad? he wondered, struggling up, walking over to Hide.
“You ready to go? Oh, and you should put your kagune back, someone might see it...” Hide trailed off, noticing the animalistic look in Kaneki’s eye. He took a step back and said, “Whoa man, I get that you’re hungry, but Anteiku is literally right across the street. You can make it there can’t you...?”
Kaneki stood in front of him, and without a second thought, lunged forward and bit through Hide’s shirt and pierced deeply into his shoulder, blood quickly pooling out. Hide cried out in pain and pushed Kaneki off of him, realizing he was going to be in serious danger if he didn’t treat his wound soon.
He ran across the now empty streets to Anteiku, drops of blood trailing from him, as Kaneki ran closely behind, his hunger having completely consumed him. When Hide got into the coffee shop, he looked over at Touka and yelled, “Kaneki’s about to come in and seems really hungry, so please take care of him!”
When Touka noticed the blood staining the front and back of Hide’s shirt, she realized Kaneki must’ve tried eating him. “Go upstairs Hide, now! I’ll deal with this idiot.”
Right as Hide disappeared up the stairs, definitely starting to lose too much blood, Kaneki burst in, a wild look on his face with crimson dripping down his chin. “Ugh, Kaneki, that’s so disgusting,” Touka muttered in distaste, taking out a human hand from a brown package, and tossed to him. “Here, eat this.” Like a dog, he began ravaging it, finishing it in less than a minute.
Suddenly he felt calm, all his sense returning to him. He looked down, seeing blood splattered on his shirt and dribbling down his chin. What the hell did he just do...?
When he looked up, he saw Touka rushing up the stairs, with a first-aid kit box in her hand, and Yoshimura following behind her. “H-Hey, what’s going on?” Kaneki asked, following them up the stairs.
“You bit your friend Hide, because you’re an idiot and can’t control your hunger like some stupid ass dog,” Touka growled, reaching the top of the stairs.
Wait, what the hell!? What was she talking about? Also why was Hide thrown into this? They hadn’t talked in months, how could he be here? “What do you mean Touka? I couldn’t have eaten Hide, I would never do that.”
“Well apparently you did,” She muttered, slamming the door open to the room Hide was in, noticing he was now unconscious from blood loss. Kaneki froze, feeling bile rise up from seeing the blood staining the white sheets so starkly.
“O-Oh, I really did hurt him...” He said, sinking to the ground, guilt coursing through him. Touka glanced over at him, giving him a slightly apprehensive look, and began treating Hide’s wound by firmly pressing a gauze to his shoulder, trying to stop the bleeding. After several tense moments, she pulled the gauze off and began cleaning it out as gently as she could, finally topping it off with a roll of cloth bandage, rolling it tightly around his shoulder.
“Will he be okay?” Kaneki asked, his voice shaking and his body weak.
“Yes, he’ll be fine,” Yoshimura interjected, staring at Hide, “Just don’t try to bite him again. He’s lost too much blood. He’ll probably be awake by tomorrow morning, we just need to let him rest.” With that, he left, leaving Touka and Kaneki to be the only conscious ones in the room.
“Listen here you shit,” Touka hissed, sinking in front of him and pulling him by his shirt collar, “This could compromise everything. Next time, control your hunger will you? Don’t act like a rabid animal.” She frowned and let go, getting back up.
He nodded blankly and just sat there as he watched her go. His eyes wandered over to Hide, who was just lying there, a peaceful expression on his face, almost like he was dead. Just to make sure he wasn’t, he tentatively got up and walked to the bed, taking a place next to him. He ran a hand over his chest, and felt the slow, steady beat of his heart, and felt comforted. He gently cupped Hide’s face with one of his hands, and laughed sourly, thinking yet again how he had hurt him.
It was like a curse; to always hurt Hide. Ever since he was little, ever since they had become friends, he knew he had been hurting him. Had been setting him back from meeting newer, better friends. Nicer ones. He knew as they got older that he put too many of his problems on him. Even now, he knew he was hurting Hide every time he lied straight to his face, or literally hurt him in instances like this, where he just couldn’t control his hunger.
“I’m so sorry Hide,” he muttered, moving some golden locks out of his face with his thumb. “You deserve better,” He whispered bitterly.
He sighed and lied down on the bed next to him, figuring this was probably the last time Hide would be in his company without hating him. He turned off the lamp next to him, and shortly after fell asleep, the simple warmth of his friend lulling him to it.
~
The next morning, Kaneki woke up to find Hide gone and the sheets clean. He began to panic, wondering if Hide had really left. But his worry was shortly answered when the door creaked open and Hide walked in shirtless and his bandage stark against his skin, with a blank look on his face. But when he looked over at Kaneki, a smile washed over him. “Nice to see you’re awake finally! It’s almost the afternoon, you never ever sleep this long,” Hide pointed out, taking a seat on the bed.
“Yeah, I guess I was really tired...” Kaneki said plainly, wondering why Hide was so blatantly ignoring what happened last night.
“Yeah, I was pretty tired too, only woke up a half an hour ago.” He said, stretching his uninjured arm. There was a period of strained silence, both of them wanting to say something, but unable to.
Kaneki chanced a glance at him, and his eyes wandered over to Hide’s bandaged shoulder, which was stained with a fair amount of dried blood. “Your bandage should be changed...” He mentioned, meeting his gaze with Hide’s.
“Yeah,” Hide gulped and shifted his stare, “I tried doing that in the bathroom just now but it hurt too much.”
Almost mechanically, Kaneki scooted closer and began peeling off the bandages, the sweet iron smell of Hide’s dried blood reaching his nose. Stop thinking about that, Kaneki mentally scolded, as he took off the last portion of the bandage and set it aside. His eyes widened, barely believing the sight in front of him, of Hide’s messy gash and the dried blood that adorned it.
He started to tremble as he stared at it, and felt sick to his stomach for liking the smell. He brought his fingers to the deep wound and ghosted his fingers over it, trailing from Hide’s collarbone to the end of his shoulder, feeling him shiver. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, “I’m so sorry.” It was all he could say, that he was so damn sorry. He felt like Hide deserved so much more than a ‘sorry’, but he didn’t know what else he could do.
Instead of laughing it off like he normally would and offering his infamous grin, Hide pulled Kaneki into his chest and whispered, “It’s not your fault Kaneki, please forgive yourself.”
“I can’t.” he said, squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth together. “It is my fault, I tried to eat you, how could you say it wasn’t?”
Hide smiled and rested his chin on top of Kaneki’s head, “Because, it wasn’t like you wanted to eat me. You needed to. I love you too much to be angry over that anyways.”
Kaneki froze and took a moment to absorb what he just heard. “You love me...?” He asked hesitantly, bringing himself to meet his gaze with Hide, regretfully separating from the warmth of the hug.
Hide nodded and sweetly smiled, the rarest and kindest smile Kaneki had ever seen. “Of course I do Kaneki, have for a while now too. Although this probably isn’t the best time to say that is it?” He admitted, laughing a little.
“I-but how could you love me? I disappear for months until last night, and hurt you in the process...” Kaneki wondered aloud, still unable to believe Hide’s confession, “I mean I’m a half-ghoul! I eat people Hide! I’m not that innocent kid I used to be!” He cried out.
“Don’t you think I know that? I knew from the beginning man, right from when you went to the hospital after your date with Rize. Didn’t stop me from loving you.” Hide mumbled, his soft brown eyes meeting with Kaneki’s.
“You knew...? This whole time?” Kaneki began to tremble and looked down into his lap, “You deserve better Hide, not someone as crazy as me.”
“Will you stop that?”
“Stop what?” Kaneki asked tonelessly.
“Stop hating yourself for something you have no control over.” Hide lifted Kaneki’s head with his finger so he was forced to stare up at him, “You’re not as cute when you’re angry at yourself.” He leaned forward and gently kissed him, enjoying the surge of warmth it brought. Kaneki eagerly responded, placing a tentative hand on Hide's waist.
After a moment, he smiled against his lips and whispered, “Thank you Hide.”
Before they could resume what they were doing, the door swung wide open followed by a ‘good afternoon!’. Kaneki immediately pulled away from Hide and looked over at the perpetrator, who happened to be a gaping Hinami. “I-I’m so sorry for intruding!” She squeaked, slamming the door behind her followed by the sound of her footsteps rushing down the stairs.
A blush marred Kaneki’s cheeks and he covered his face with his hands, “I can’t believe she just saw that.”
Hide laughed and said, “See, this is the kind of Kaneki I like to see!”
Kaneki’s blush worsened and he hit Hide lightly on the shoulder, “Will you stop!? I’ll never be able to look at her the same now!”
“Oh my god, you are such a Tsundere! I can’t believe I didn’t realize this before!” Hide said, laughing even harder.
Kaneki groaned and leaned against Hide and muttered, “You are so annoying.”
Hide feigned hurt and gasped, “That was so mean! Me, annoying? Almost seems impossible!”
Kaneki rolled his eyes but smiled, “Yeah, but it’s not. C’mon, we should go downstairs before Hinami starts telling everyone what happened...” At the thought, his cheeks heated again. He desperately wished Hinami hasn’t telled anyone yet, or else Touka will probably want to kill both of them and Nishio will just laugh at him for two weeks straight. Especially since this is the first time he’s seen either of them in a couple months.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Hide groaned, stretching out onto the bed, “But can’t we lie down for a little bit longer? I’m still tired.”
“Okay, okay, if you’re still tired then sure...” Kaneki muttered, lying down next to Hide, slinging an arm across his chest. He didn’t exactly feel tired but just lying down next to his friend after months of not seeing him was plenty enough reason to not get up.
“Love you,” Hide muttered, already nodding off.
“I love you too Hide.” Kaneki whispered, really hoping the footsteps he heard coming up the stairs weren’t Touka’s.