Chapter Text
November 10, 2019
For a long time there had been one thing on my mind. One thing and one thing only.
Money.
Money seemed to be the best god damn thing in the world; maybe even the most powerful thing. It was the one thing that people seemed to desperately crave. They would do just about anything to get their hands on it. To think that a measly, weak, thin piece of green paper or metallic coins of different sizes and colors could mean so much to the world...
I guess my obsession with money began when I was eleven or twelve years old. My mom got sick... Had some really bad sickness. Might have been cancer or somethin', I don't remember. Anyway, the reason why I wanted-- needed the money was to help my mom get better. You know, save up enough money to find a doctor that would work on her. For a while, it worked. I took up all kinds of jobs, savin' up money to get a doctor to check on her and to get the medication she needed, just to make sure I could keep her from feeling the pain. So she wouldn't have to suffer as much... It was hard coming home every evening to her crying. Even worse when she seemed to lose her memories of everything; lose herself. The worst nights were after I'd turned seventeen, when she would look at me with a look of confusion and then suddenly she'd show me a warm, loving smile.
Those smiles weren't the type for a child, no. I'd seen the type of smile made for lovers. People who were married and shit. She'd keep muttering some name I couldn't really hear. Started with an "A." It didn't make any sense to me back then, but now it does. Mom was always muttering my father's name. She must have kept seeing that piece of shit in her hazy minded state. It got to the point where she couldn't recognize her own son anymore and she would just look at me with that smile.
...
Why the hell did she even care for that bastard? He didn't do shit for us. He left her before I was born, left her in Edonia to freeze and fend for herself. Left her without any means of keeping herself alive, but the joke was on him. My mother was a strong, smart woman depsite her thin appearance. She was able to balance four or five different jobs and even after she had me, she still handled shit on her own like a champ. I guess I've always hated my father for abandoning her. I didn't give two shits that he didn't care enough to meet me, but to leave a pregnant woman by herself? Way to go, dad. You must be somethin' really special, huh?
Anyway, enough about that prick. Let's get back to talking money. The morning finally came when my mom passed away. It was early in the morning and I had gone out on a job. A neighbor had come to visit and had run outside, down the streets, and went straight to the town's doctor. He said he wasn't going to come help her because he was fucking tired. He was too god damn tired to get his ass out of bed and help a dying woman. I remember when I got home, I had come in with a grin on my face, envelope with three hundred and forty-six dollars in my hand, and her medicine in a package in my other and... I saw my neighbor and his wife standing in my mom's bedroom.
She had passed away while I was out.
I was so angry with myself because I wasn't with her when she died.
...I wasn't with her.
It took me months to get rid of the emotions. Well, they never really go away. Shit like that never really goes away. It's always been with me. Anyway, after I was sort of in the right state of mind, I left that house and that town and joined a mercenary group. Decided I'd start fresh with a new job. For the first few months I was there, I got my ass kicked pretty good. Got in trouble a lot, too, but I learned what I needed to and became the expert I am today.
Money had meant everything to me and I was just taking jobs because I could-- because money was a big part of me. It had meant everything to me before I met her.
Supergirl Sherry Birkin.
At first, I thought she was a preppy, little girl who thought she knew everything, but I was proven wrong as we worked together. Found out that my group had been infected with the C virus and they transformed into some pretty nasty monsters. At first I thought they were cutting me out of the deal, but no. They wanted to kidnap me to experiment on because I had some sort of special blood type. Turned out I got that immunity to crazy viruses because dad had the same thing. At least I got something good from him besides my mom. Thanks for that, dad.
The next few months we spent together, she made me feel something I hadn't in forever; Hope. I felt like I could do anything when I was with her, felt more like a man than a...well, mindless killer. I also found that I wanted to protect her, no matter what. I didn't care what got in my way. I was going to keep her safe even if it meant giving my own life. She made me feel something else I had never experienced before and, to be honest, I'm still not sure what it is. I hope one day I can figure it out.
Speaking of Supergirl, I'll never admit it out loud, but... I...kind of miss her. I miss her bossiness and the way how she would place her hand on her hip to scold me and her blonde hair and her... Uh. Nevermind. I'll just get this shit finished. Supergirl, if you happen to find this, then I didn't mean to be such an asshole to you when we met. I'm sorry. ...Thank you for giving me hope again and I hope we don't have to wait for too much longer to see eachother. I hope that you're safe and not doing anything stupid.
Well, I guess this is the end of this journal entry. Haven't had one of these in a while and hopefully I won't lose it anytime soon.
Jake