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"You son of a bitch." Even when saying those words I couldn't take the smile out of my face, not when Gulf was still half naked and with his back turned to me. I could faintly see the marks I left there moments earlier even in the dim light coming from the window.
"That's my charm." He snorted and leaned back to give me a last kiss before taking his keys and leaving me alone in the dark.
He was right anyway, the motherfucker, being insufferable was his charm. I noticed in the early days when my manager asked me to participate in the auditions for my new MV. "We need a model for this," he said smiling and calling people from some new agencies to be tested for the role, I didn't even react for this, being a gay artist in the industry was hard enough without me being resistant about things.
I saw him in a boring thursday, he was auditioning for the main role and reading the script over the bustling noise in the studio, the plot was very simple, a song about finding love and then being dumped because your lover found another person, he was stunning standing over there, breathing confidence and arrogance.
My breath caught.
I can't recall anything of that day as a whole, but I can remember in scary details the exact moment my eyes met his. His eyebrow arching and eyes filling with mirth, he waved at me, almost timidly if not for the imperceptible curve on the corners of his mouth.
The bastard was enjoying it.
I've been know that I'm a gay man for a long time, even before finishing high school I was already two steps too close from jumping on one of my male friends. And that was okay, my family always supported me and cherished the man I turned out to be, even years later when I said I was going to enter the entertainment industry they were happy and only a little worried about the busy life I was going to have, I was very lucky.
I had lots of relationships since then, but I never felt so self-conscious about my sexuality than I am feeling now, with his tall body leaning towards the wall and his big doe eyes staring straight at mine.
Later we had to act together, to test our chemistry for the kissing scene, I was nervous of course but curiously comfortable with the thought of being close to him, that scared the shit out of me too.
It was fine till it wasn't, the little piece of shit kissed me full on the mouth, we were supposed to only pretend to kiss but he didn't hesitate to take my fucking breath away. I was shocked, of course I was shocked, but that didn't stop me from responding to the kiss, from holding his head closer to mine and deepening it only to catch more of the taste of his mouth.
He smiled at me when we separated, he knew he got the role right away, I was so pissed with his reaction that it rendered me speechless. I felt like I just got played by a kid. He was going to be the death of me.
We got along really well after, even getting mad at him more times than not he was very sweet and caring towards the staff, I saw myself falling deeper and deeper into the shape of his lips and the curve of his eyes. Then in a dinner I was told by a blushing makeup senior that he just broke up with his girlfriend.
I cannot recall my reaction at that time but I felt that it was particularly bad, I had no reason to be angry or frustrated but I could not control the ball of fire that ignited in my guts thinking about a Gulf that didn't belong to me, it was ugly and I feel ashamed of the thoughts that ran through my mind now thinking about it.
I should have noticed that shit would hit the fan one way or another.
And hit they did.
One week into the schedule we had a big fall out, the reason was probably stupid, Gulf was stressed about something and I was just waiting for the right time to blow up. We screamed at each other, pointing fingers and gesticulating till I let out words that I wish I could've been able to take back.
"What are you mad about asshole; I can do whatever I want." His anger was written on his face, the way his eyebrows were stuck together and his lips tipped in contempt.
"No, you fucking can't." My own fury could match his.
"So, pray tell me you fucker, why not." I could feel something breaking, cracking under the pressure inside my head and a weird chill ran through my veins.
"Because you are mine."
After that a eerie silence fell and we just stared at each other until our emotions got under control again, we didn't talk about it, like a tacit understanding that words said in anger should not be taken seriously.
Then something changed in our dynamic, I can’t tell what exactly or when but it became harder to resist, to pretend to be nonchalant and uninterested when everything about him made my head spin and my pants tighten, I was doomed, utterly fucked beyond reason and he. The fucking asshole. Was doing it on purpose.
I was no innocent and I could tell even with my eyes closed that he was trying to seduce me. It was working, but that's not the point. Shirts showing his chest and collarbones, tight shorts, collars, he was completely killing my concentration and the shots for yhe MV had to be remade countless times because I could not seem to focus. Not with him close enough to touch but unreachable.
My manager was stressed out, poor him, and I, with the stupid lust clouding my vision, couldn't give a damn about it, not when my unbelievably hot coworker was trying to destroy my self control.
I worked hard enough to be painful but in the end I was helpless in front of his stubbornness, for some reason he wanted me, and I learned the hard way that everything Gulf Kanawut wanted, he got.
The breaking point came too fast for me to register, the shooting finally ended after a long time and I offered to drive him home.
A bad decision, really.
But he looked worried about time and I was nothing but weak for his pout and scrunched nose. When we arrived, he asked me if I would like some water before heading back, that's sounds horribly like a plot for a porn movie but it was summer and I was kinda thirsty so I braced myself and accepted the invitation.
Another really bad decision, I seem to be making lots of those as of late.
We ended up fucking.
No one is surprised I know but I was, okay, I really believed that I was strong enough to resist the little devil, I can remember his voice asking me to sleep with him with a straight (ha!) face. He didn't even stutter the utter bastard.
"Phi." I was leaning towards the counter of the kitchen holding the glass of water when he approached me with a suspicious smile.
"Yes?" I was clueless, really, mom would be ashamed to know that his son was this gullible even being a grown ass adult. Shit.
"You want to fuck me, right?" I spat a mouthful of water, very classy, not my best moment too. After sucking a (much needed) breath of air, I said in a warning voice, "Yai nong..."
He just smiled. "I'm curious about how sex with a man is," his fingers swirled around the glass he was holding, "I know you will make it good for me phi."
He was right, I would make it good, so good that he will be addicted, I thought, equal parts promise and threat. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, daddy." That's so fucked up, even more seeing my fingers tightening around the glass and the lust heating my belly.
So, I fucked him, really good, I made sure to fuck all that attitude out of him, I held him down, tan skin shinning with sweat with his long limbs sprawled on my bed, and my fingers deep inside him. The noises he made when he felt my cold ring touch the sensitive skin. I was numb with how much I wanted him, under me, on top of me, inside and out, Gulf was the only thing I could see, the only thing I could breath, he crawled under my skin full of teasing smirks and rightful anger and refused to budge.
Even with his air on the air and my fingers fucking him senseless he still had the guts to turn his head to me and smile, like a cat that got the milk. I knew what he was seeing, his beloved Phi, respectful and caring looking wrecked and out of his mind with desire, I knew that but it only made me push my fingers deeper, like a punishment for being a little shit. He purred and whined, like a real cat the sexy fucker, I only had time to suck a trembling breath before losing the control that I held with sheer willpower and pounding into him with a one long thrust.
He screamed. I smiled.
I kept on fucking him through his whimpers and little cries of pleasure, he was so beautiful like this, powerless, only allowed to take what I was giving him, and he took it all like a champ, his fluffy hair wet with sweat and tan skin colored with a faint pink. Completely gorgeous under my hands and my dick.
But I was not satisfied yet, I wanted him to beg.
And beg he did, little cries and stuttering words, trying to relieve the pressure on his cock so I hold both of his hands and thrust harder.
"You are not allowed to touch yourself you fucking imp," I stopped to spread his legs a little wider and grip his waist. "You wanted to be fucked, very good I'll fuck you."
I slowed down the rhythm and stared to pound longer and harder.
"You were so desperate for this, now you will come on how much you love my dick only."
The noise he made will be forever set in my mind, completely lovely. I made him come three times that day, one on my dick, one with my mouth and one hours later, when he was out of it, sated and content laying on my chest with his hands tracing my collarbone.
I moved the hand resting on his hip to feel the wetness of my come dribbling from his hole, I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to, from sinking two fingers inside again, only to feel the wetness of my own cum and his body shiver against me.
He was letting out those tiny little noises from over stimulation but let me play anyway, I fingerfucked him and let him hut against me till he came again, this time altogether passing out and I felt the ugly thing inside my stomach settle contently.
This became a habit, a regular thing, even after the shootings stopped and the MV came out we still saw each other constantly, my fans were blissed and I was happy too, even without putting a label on what we had, owning him like this was enough for me
And Gulf.
Gulf is still a little shit, an utter bastard who loves taunting me and winding me up knowing exactly what he’s going to get on the end. He loves giving me headaches and tiring me out, he will be for sure the death of me, and maybe, only maybe, I love it too.