Chapter Text
It had all started because they had moved in together.
No, Hozumi reasoned, it could have started before that. He wasn’t entirely sure it even mattered when it started, the thing was that it had and now he had a problem. A really big problem he wanted to blame someone or something for, yet always reached the conclusion there was no one to blame but himself. Though, he guessed them living together did aggravate his problem.
Initially, it hadn’t been that bad, Kyousuke and Heath were friends and he had expected them to move in together after graduation, they were going to the same university after all, it made sense. And he thought he was mentally prepared to run into Kyousuke a lot while he was there. It was normal, it was expected, they were friends. But then, he had walked in on Kyousuke getting out of the shower, a towel barely covering anything and his long hair dripping wet. Hozumi needed an hour to calm down after that. There were plenty of other incidents just like that and Hozumi doubted he could survive, these feelings were getting too strong. These unwanted feelings.
Truth be told, the unwanted feelings wouldn’t be so unwanted if he didn’t already have a boyfriend. More specifically, if he wasn’t already dating Heath, who he liked a lot and for whom he also suffered heart attacks when seeing him walking out of the shower. Seriously, what was wrong with him? He could understand a bit of sexual attraction, Kyousuke was hot after all, even Heath had admitted that, but to have feelings for Kyousuke? Not platonic feelings? While dating Heath? He felt like the worst person in the world, like he had betrayed everyone, like he had let his family down.
Like he had cheated on Heath.
He hadn’t, of course he hadn’t; he had ended in some really uncomfortable situation with Kyousuke, situations that left him red in the face and a bit short of breath, but he had fled before anything could happen. And on those rare situations where he couldn’t react, Kyousuke himself ran away. Heath was their friend and they wouldn’t betray him like that.
It had been only two months since they moved, yet he could count at least ten moments where he had almost kissed Kyousuke. Hozumi was embarrassed. He was confused as to how Heath hadn’t noticed anything yet, but he guessed it had something to do with how everything seemed normal and completely at peace when he was also there. All the awkward situation had occurred only when he was not in the picture.
Hozumi wanted to scream.
The situations wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have feelings. If they weren’t there, he could pretty much consider every situation as common accidents. Someone would trip, usually him, and someone, a good friend, would stop the others fall before it could turn ugly, that was usually Kyousuke. Sometimes they would still both fall, normal friend would laugh at it, but he couldn’t. He either ended on top of Kyousuke or under him and the position would just be… something he couldn’t handle. Sometimes they wouldn’t fall and he would end up pressed against Kyousuke’s chest, Kyousuke’s arms around his waist and he would die internally. Not to speak of that one time Kyousuke’s hand had ended on his ass.
Once more, like any other weekend, Hozumi was at their apartment, thankfully he was alone in Heath’s room as he screamed in frustration. He didn’t want to have those annoying feelings for Kyousuke, how was it even possible for him to feel like that for Kyousuke while he still felt the same way for Heath? It didn’t seem right to him. He had thought, for some time, that it was okay to have those mixed feelings at the back of his mind, Kyousuke wouldn’t ever look at him like that so it didn’t matter. But now, as the feelings grew stronger and bigger and with the need to come out in a massive destructive wave, Hozumi regretted ignoring them. He regretted forgetting about them and letting them be fuelled by all of Kyousuke’s sexy wet body images, and all his kind acts, and all his… all him.
He screamed again, he hadn’t heard the door open yet so he was safe. He turned and buried his face in the pillow, maybe if he tried hard enough he could asphyxiate the feelings. The pillow had Heath’s scent, and he was immediately calmed down by it, Kyousuke was still present in the back of his mind, but as he inhaled more of the scene it felt like he was drowning the feelings with it, it also felt like those feeling had built a little boat and were surviving despite it all, but like this, he could forget for a bit.
Forget the boat, the feelings had to build a cruise for all of them to fit. It made no sense to him, but he knew they were there and he didn’t know how to deal with them, or if he should deal with them at all. Maybe if he tried to keep ignoring them for a bit longer they would eventually perish. Or maybe they wouldn’t and they would just consume him completely together with guilt and disappointment. Hozumi concluded he should probably look for a way to stop the feelings before it got worse.
The front door opened, then he heard footsteps going toward where he was, and the room door got opened as well.
It was Heath who had just come back from buying food with a bright smile that almost blinded Hozumi. Kyousuke had said he would leave them alone that night, Hozumi had blushed at the implications, but now he couldn’t be more thankful. He honestly needed Heath, he needed and wanted him because he loved Heath, but he seemed to be having some troubles focusing his love, so he wanted to let it overflow together with Heath’s. Yet he guesses it could wait till after they ate, he was also hungry.