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The gloved hand reached back, rubbing at the place where skull met neck, the small indent where the cranium jutted out before curving into spine. As it were, there was no dent or jut, just the smooth metal of a helmet already protecting the fragile slope of bone.
He’d been watching him for weeks now, a side-long sort of glance, just corner of the eye stuff. There was something different about the Major, and Shepard kept wondering if there was an actual difference or it was just a different perspective. He wavered. But that, that motion he knew was old; only he couldn’t help but imagine all the reasonings behind it these days: nerves manifesting as they were about to jump into a hot zone, or habit--checking the connection between helmet and suit, or perhaps it was just a phantom touch to where Shepard knew the faulty implant was located beneath the layers; maybe it was none of the above, maybe he just liked the smooth feel of the curved metal, smooth and rounded even beneath the mesh of their gauntlets.
Kaidan’s eyes glanced over and caught him looking. Even through the faceplate Shepard could see the arch of a brow, the quirk of lips, somehow conveying amusement while simultaneously communicating a silent ‘what’. His own mouth twisted into a smirk but he didn't otherwise respond; instead Steve’s voice announced they had hit the LZ just as pressure released in the shuttle and a bright light haloed the rising door to let them out amongst an already symphony of gunfire.
***
His weight shifted from foot to foot. Mentally he was going over how many medi-gel packs he’d brought with him, thermal clips pocketed, did he remember to switch out the new scope on his Carnifex? Of course he had, Vega had been making some crack across the bay about the proper usage of 'gorditas' when he was (he still wasn’t sure if the Lieutenant had been making a derogatory remark about women or food).
That was how he tracked things, his memories always attached to other memories, to the ones more....memorable? He was glad he wasn’t saying that out loud; with how ridiculous it sounded inside his head he could only imagine it outwardly verbalized.
There were eyes on him. The prickling at the back of his neck had him turning to meet a vivid blue gaze. There was a question swirling in there, mixed with something Kaidan was only slowly beginning to recognize, something that made his gut always twist pleasantly. He almost expected Shepard to say something, a joke, some call to arms, but Cortez’s voice interrupted them and instead Shepard’s lips twisted into a feral grin, his arm bending behind him to grab out his gun.
As the door began to lift Kaidan heard Vega let out a cackle, the sound of adrenaline and nerves all wrapped into one; and he didn’t even realize it, didn’t think about it because it was so natural--part of their routine as they leapt into danger--Shepard’s elbow jutted out and instinctually Kaidan’s own moved to clack the armored joints together, the sound a sort of tranquilizer that even Vega’s shoulders seemed to loosen before Shepard jumped down to take point.
***
Esteban's voice echoed between his ears, announcing the LZ's approach, commenting that it was going to be hot one. His hand was already around his gun, fist clenching and unclenching as his blood had began pumping. James nearly bounced on his feet, the weight of his armor settling on him; he tried not to look at the Commander before they dropped, but he failed nearly every time--not that much could be learned, the back of the black armor was hardly telling. Instead his eyes flickered to the blue, so rigid, and almost called out a joke about the stick up the Major's ass, but the door clicked and whorled and began to rise and James could already hear the whizzing sound of bullets; the manic laugh bubbling out his chest was his way of dealing with the fact he was literally throwing himself into what could be his own death.
And then..the covered touch between his two superior officers, a brother-at-arms gesture that James had never seen Shepard do with anyone else (including Garrus and somehow that seemed strange while all the while not being strange all wrapped into one), conveyed--wordlessly--something meaningful. It had somehow become a silent promise that they'd all come back at the end of the mission, and even though it was a gesture so focused on the Major, it had an effect on the whole team. Or at least on him.
James would never admit it, but he missed the sound when Shepard rounded their party out with Liara (because mijo the Commander was predictable and if the Major couldn't join them-- usually because of a migraine--it was almost always the Doc taking his place). Shepard was a professional and amongst screaming bullets and cracks of dark energy, there was no doubt the Commander would fight like hell to get them out; but it was that small clack of armors, blue and black meeting together for a brief moment, that James actually felt like the Commander cared to get himself out and not just those that depended on him. And that maybe there was someone that would drag his sorry ass out too.