Chapter Text
June 11 4:08
Simon created this group
Simon renamed group We didn’t start the fire
Simon: Next Tuesday, 9:00, city square
Simon: I know for a fact none of you have anything to do so you can’t talk yourself out of it
7:25
Judas: How about I don’t want to
James: Simon what the actual fuck
7:56
James: Simon, please tell me you didn’t start a fire
Peter: Well, it does say ‘we didn’t start the fire’
Mary: That doesn’t mean he can’t keep one going. Plus, it’s past tense. The future is still ready to be set aflame
James: SIMON IF YOU START ANOTHER FIRE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN TO THE EDGE OF THE EARTH
Judas: Very threatening
James: What’s that supposed to mean?
Judas: Pretty sure your maximum running speed is Simon’s definition of speedwalking
James: Right. SIMON IF YOU START ANOTHER FIRE I WILL SET MARY ON YOU
Judas: Smooth
Mary: Please leave me out of this
Peter: Someone remind me why I’m friends with you guys again
John: Because we’re absolutely amazing. And it’s good for your relationship to be friends with your girlfriend’s friends
Peter: My whatnow?
John: Not there yet? Oh. Well, enjoy this free advice for when you get a girlfriend
Peter: …
Mary: John, since you’re not doing anything useful anyway, I’m going to come over to pick up some stuff at your place
John: Oh fuck I’m dead. Please pray for my soul
James: Sure thing, buddy
PM between Peter and Mary
Peter: You’re not actually going to kill John, right? I don’t think he meant anything bad by it
Mary: That kinda depends on whether he made the pamphlets or not, but I won’t kill him over this. Don’t worry
Peter: Okay cool
Mary: Though while we’re on the subject. Do you wanna go out sometime?
Peter: Wait what?
Mary: It’s fine if you don’t want to. Just… figured I might just as well ask it. John usually has a good sense for these things
Peter: No, I would love to. But I thought you had this on/off thing with Jesus going on
Mary: Not really. It’s complicated, but bottom line is there’s nothing going on
Peter: Oh okay. Ehm. Next Tuesday 9:00 far away from the city square?
Mary: As perfect as that sounds, someone needs to keep this deal in check. We can’t leave it all to Jesus
Peter: Good point. Friday at Atalya? I’ve got nothing to do after about 16:00
Mary: Sounds good. Let’s meet at 5
We didn’t start the fire
9:42
Judas: Alright since none of you dipshits are observant enough to notice. Anyone else think this silence is very uncharacteristic for Simon?
James: Fuck you’re right. Do you think he set himself on fire?
Judas: I hope he did
11:09
Simon: Fear not my good friends, I am still very much alive and not set on fire. Your concern however is most kind and appreciated
Judas has left the chat
Simon has added Judas to the chat
Judas: Fuck
James: Good to know that you’re not set on fire but that doesn’t answer the question if another fire was started
Simon: Not by me. Sadly
James: Can you go one week without getting involved with arson?
Simon: I wasn’t! This week I’m all clean of fire and fire making activities
James: Then who did?
Simon: Fuck if I know. How am I supposed to monitor the world’s fire making habits?
John: Personally, I kind of just assumed you had a sixth sense for it at this point. Though on second thought maybe that sixth sense only works if it’s a destructive fire to cause anarchy
Simon Does sound like my kind of fire. But alas, I do not have such an amazing superpower
Peter: So if it wasn’t a fire, then what was the reason for your silence?
Simon: Oh, I got in a fight
James: Of fucking course
John: What posessed you to get into a fight? Again?
Peter: Are you okay?
Simon: Thank you, Peter. This is why you’re my favourite
Peter: I am not your favourite
Simon: True. Anyway, had a little disagreement with a group of guys. There may have been wine involved. Got a split lip and a broken nose. You should see the other guy though. Broke the asshole’s arm
Jesus: I don’t look at my phone for one morning and this is what I get back to. It’s good to know you’re relatively okay, Simon, but could you please try to keep things peaceful next time? Regardless of the amount of wine involved
Judas: You might just as well ask Caiaphas to pull that stick from his ass
Jesus: Judas, please
Judas: I’m just saying, if you’re going to ask for miracles, might just as well go for one that might actually come true
Simon: Judas, your lack of trust in me is very hurtful
Judas: I really don’t give a shit. It doesn’t make me less right
Simon: Eh, maybe. I’ll try my best
Jesus: Thank you
PM between Simon and James
James: I smell bullshit
Simon: I smell absolutely nothing, which may have something to do with blood clogging up my nose. So please, enlighten me
James: You got in a disagrement with several other people and all you have is a broken nose and split lip?
Simon: Well, that and a few bruises and the doctors think my ribs may be bruised but that’s all nothing out of the ordinary
James: You’re a fucking idiot I hope you realise that
James: Wait. Doctors? Where the fuck are you?
Simon: The hospital
James: … You have no way of getting back, do you?
Simon: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my legs
James: Want me to pick you up?
Simon: I may throw up in your car
James: You say that as if you haven’t done that already. Several times. I will bring a plastic bag to limit the damge
Simon: In that case, please. Also bring food. I haven’t eaten since yesterday evening and I’m starving
James: Alright, I’ll be there in like 15 minutes with the weirdest sandwich I can find in the supermarket
Simon: This is why you are my favourite
James: I know