Archive of Our Own

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Harry

When Harry Styles went to culinary school in France, he had dreams of living like he was plopped down in the middle of Chocolat. Unfortunately, visas existed. And expired, eventually. And a student just out of culinary school didn’t have much by way of funds.

So, instead of a small French village, he landed in graduate school to get his masters degree in culinary history—funding included.

And when that was done, he finally needed a place to land. That place—for many chefs, Harry included—was New York City. 

Harry adored New York. After he returned from school, his mother and his sister put him on a train in Boston and he never looked back. Actually, that wasn’t true. He took the bus home all the time for the holidays and various celebrations, and basically any time he had an excuse because he loved his family. He didn’t regret moving, he really did love the city.

His first apartment was basically a commune in Brooklyn with seven other “young professionals” (mostly women, though it varied from month to month) where the rent was cheap, but the mice never really contributed their fair share, if he was being honest. He moved on quickly, not able to handle the politics of living with so many roommates, of both the two and four-legged variety. So he found a place with four roommates.

Finally, finally, after a little less than a year just barely scraping by, he caught a break: Bon Appétit was looking for a recipe tester.

Harry pulled out all of the stops in the interview process. Anything he could do to persuade the panel he did. He unearthed the most obscure facts he had learned about the history of the mille feuille from the French pastry semester in grad school, and he made them the weirdest possible pastry he could think of from only the most classic of boulangeries to prove that he had a depth of knowledge in technique and had the capacity to learn more. He wanted them to know what they were getting with him, and make it so they couldn’t possibly choose anyone else.

Somehow, it worked. His mom had cried with excitement saying she had been carrying her aventurine—the “stone of opportunity”—around in her pocket with her the whole time he had been interviewing.

None of that, nothing Harry had ever learned, had prepared him for being curled up on his couch on the Upper West Side in his tiny little one bedroom with the cramped galley kitchen watching himself mix every flavor powder in the Bon Appétit Test Kitchen trying to imitate the flavor of Doritos—a flavor that he had learned took them fifty million dollars to develop.

He hated this part. Ever since the first video of him trying to reverse engineer a Twinkie had gone viral, he always got embarrassed watching himself played back. But, he was always curious to see what the viewing statistics were on release day. Most of the time the footage itself had been filmed a few weeks before, and it was nice to remind himself what had happened for when he inevitably got questions about it later, but it was also a little bit like watching back a bad dream.

He felt the phantom of the frustration all over again through the echo of time.

Harry’s phone vibrated against his thigh dragging him back from the edge of his own melodramatic thoughts.

Lou: Harold! The talent! How goes the high life? 

Harry smiled to himself and bit his lip as he reread the message a few times and readjusted himself in the corner of the couch so he could respond with both hands. Louis always called him that because of how popular his Gourmet Pastry Chef Makes… show, “Gourmet Makes” for short, was and how many views it always guaranteed for Bon Appétit’s YouTube channel.

Harry: Stop it, Lou.

Lou: we know why they keep comin back

Harry blushed in the privacy of his apartment where he knew he wouldn’t be teased for it, unless his walls could suddenly talk.

Louis Tomlinson, Bon Appétit Test Kitchen manager extraordinaire, was definitely Harry’s best friend at the magazine. Louis was already working there when Harry started six years earlier and they had clicked right away. Their friendship now went way beyond just work friends. Harry had totally called godfather for whenever Louis and his husband decided to adopt.

When Bon Appétit decided to get into alternative media and start a YouTube channel both Harry and Louis had been roped into it early. It didn’t take long for the higher ups to realize that the two of them were absolute gold on camera together, so their participation had only increased.

Now, they both had their own shows and participated in all of the videos. Over time, Harry’s hours in the test kitchen had decreased as he did more freelance work so he wasn’t “casually” in the background all that much. Being one of the kitchen managers was still Louis’ full time job still, and even with all of the traveling he did, he still was in the background of almost every video.

Sick of hearing his own voice, Harry put the video on mute and left it playing for another few minutes while he waited for the oven timer to go off. He was testing a shortbread recipe for his book that wouldn’t be out for at least another year and a half. Theoretically. There were days that he couldn’t believe all of this was real. He had his own Twitter hashtag that people used: #IWDFHFTBATK, or, “I would die for Harry from the Bon Appétit Test Kitchen.” 

Harry had done a couple late night cooking segments and the hosts loved to bring that one up.

For the most part, the internet scared Harry. He loved to use it in his own life, but what scared him was the corner of the internet that seemed to be fans of his, and it was tough to avoid them. It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful-he was! But being in the limelight wasn’t something he was comfortable with very often.

If the video hadn’t been on mute, Harry might not have noticed Louis in the background, but he couldn’t help just watching him move around the kitchen for a little while. It felt weird spying on his friend that way, but it was up for millions of people to see, so it didn’t really feel like spying.

Harry watched as Louis went about his business, ignoring the way past Harry took up the majority of the screen time. 

Again, if it hadn’t been on mute he might not have noticed something as insignificant as Louis pulling his phone out of his pocket to check it in the background, but he did. He also noticed that whatever was on the screen made Louis’ brow furrow and his smile turn down at the corners for a flash of a second before he locked his phone and put it away without answering whoever it was.

Hmm. That was odd.

Doritos had been filmed weeks before, so if Harry asked him about it, Louis probably wouldn’t remember. Harry didn’t remember anything out of the ordinary with Louis while he was filming that one, but Harry was guilty of falling into a Gourmet Makes vortex when he filmed an episode, so he might not have noticed at the time.

Either way, Harry thought as he snapped his laptop shut, determined to put it away before he accidentally saw any of the comments about himself, he would have to remember to ask Louis about it the next time he went into the Test Kitchen. Check in on him. People should always check in on their friends, and it was a little bit weird to ask about over text messages. 

Monday morning, Harry got up and went for his normal run. He headed east until he hit Central Park where he picked up the running track around the reservoir for a couple of laps. Depending on the day, he did anywhere from two to four laps—two laps was about three miles. He liked running out there because it felt like he wasn’t in the city anymore. He could still see the skyline, sure, but there were enough trees that once he put his headphones in, it felt like he was floating above the city somehow.

That morning there was a video editorial meeting at One World Trade Center where the Test Kitchen was, so he only did two laps because he was particularly eager to get going. On his second time around, he left the path to use the jog back to his apartment as a cool down. Once he was home, he quickly hopped in the shower and got ready to head downtown.

Harry wasn’t late to the meeting, per se, he just naturally felt like he was in a rush to get there sometimes. Usually because of the subway, because it was the subway. 

The whole way downtown, he and Louis were texting about inane things. Because he didn’t get to the Test Kitchen as often anymore, he always needed Louis to catch him on the latest gossip. Louis tried to pretend he was above all the drama, but secretly he was a nosy old biddy at heart.

The closer and closer it got to the start of the meeting, the more teasing and alarmist Louis’ jokes got.

Lou: I don’t know if you’re gonna make it

Lou: It’s going to be a photo finish here comin down the stretch

Harry had hoped to sneak in with the crowd and take his place like he had been in the building and totally prepared the whole time. 

He should have known better.

“Ohhh!” Louis cried out. “Look who came to join us! Morning, Harold. How was the commute?”

Harry wanted to be annoyed. He really did. 

“Good morning, Louis,” he said by rote. He tried to pretend to roll his eyes, but he couldn’t help the laughter bubbling up in his chest.

Louis had a bright sunny smile on his face, his dark beanie slightly askew as he lifted his whole body up in a silly shuffle to drop himself down again a couple inches to the left, leaving just enough room for Harry to squeeze in next to him on the couch. They didn’t have any meeting rooms big enough for both the technical staff and chefs, so they always commandeered this awkward space that was probably meant to be a lounge in the original plans of the Bon Appétit offices, but always sort of looked abandoned and out of place.

Until they took over en masse, that was.

They had tried to meet in the Test Kitchen. It was big, there was room for people to gather around, but the head of video, Steve, realized quickly early on that that was the fastest way to let people distract themselves and not actually pay attention to the meeting they were trying to have.

While everyone else was getting settled, Harry felt an elbow nudge into the side of his ribs.

“Morning,” Louis repeated, giving Harry a cheeky closed-mouth smile.

“How was the trip?” 

Despite texting all weekend about everything else that was going on, Harry hadn’t really asked Louis that in so many words. 

Louis traveled a bit more now than he ever had before. His show It’s Alive had always been a Test Kitchen show like everyone else’s (except Niall’s, but he was always the exception), but they had developed a spin off called It’s Alive: Going Places, and he had gone as far away as Ecuador before when he was learning about how chocolate was processed. 

This time it was just a farm in upstate New York, so not too far.

Louis leaned in and started telling Harry all about it. It had started out as a discreet side conversation, but soon Harry’s giggling was too much for Steve to ignore. He had to call them to order multiple times.

Harry had always been on the straight and narrow, never been the rowdy kid in school—he was sure Louis had been—but for some reason he never minded getting in trouble with Louis in meetings like this. He wasn’t sure why.

Once they were all under control and another side conversation had sprung up amongst a few other people, Harry leaned in again.

“Tyler happy to have you back?”

Tyler was Louis’ husband. They had been married for a few years by then, and Harry envied what they had. He had always considered himself to be somewhat of a romantic, and fairly domestic, so it was not a small part of him that craved being married. Or if not married, then settled down with someone in a serious relationship. It didn’t really seem in the cards for him at the moment, apparently.

Louis froze for the barest hint of a moment before nodding his head. “Yeah, yeah.”

He then pointedly turned back to actually pay attention to the meeting. That was odd.

Somewhat chastened, with a funny feeling in his gut, Harry turned back to the meeting as well. Just in time, too.

“Harry and Louis,” Steve called grandly, loud enough to get their attention. He seemed a little shocked they were already looking at him.

“Present!” Louis called, back to his jovial self.

A low laugh made its way through the staff, all used to Louis’ antics.

“We have an idea from the peanut gallery for It’s Alive,” Steve explained. It wasn’t unheard of for the head of video to pitch an idea, but usually it was the other way around.

Harry couldn’t help but interrupt, his whole body on high alert, skepticism seeping through since Steve had said his name as well. “Peanut gallery like YouTube comments? Or peanut gallery like the staff here?”

“Staff here,” Steve answered. “But, all we get are comments asking for more videos with the two of you.”

The whole meeting interrupted into murmurs of agreement and some wolf whistles. It was common knowledge that the internet loved to watch the best friends interact.

Still suspicious of Steve and the video team in general, Harry ignored the hubbub. “Did you have something in mind?”

“Doughnuts,” Steve responded. “But it’s It’s Alive so we were thinking doughnuts with sourdough starter.”

“Yes!” Perrie—ever the doughnut hound—called from one of the other couches.

That was much less daunting than Harry thought their concept was going to end up being. He thought it through in his head for another minute, brain already cycling through his comfort with both sourdough and doughnuts. 

“...Alright,” he conceded, but he made sure to make a face at Steve and his co-conspirators, so they knew they were on thin ice.

Louis whooped and clapped his hands together with a resounding slap. “Harold says ‘alright,’ so that must mean we’re doin’ it.”

“I cannot wait for the thirst comments on this one already,” Niall Horan, the drinks editor, piped up from across the circle.

Thirst comments? “Thirst comments?” Harry asked. He had never heard of those before.

Niall barked out a laugh. “Oh, yeah. All the commenters that go wild over the two of you and how hot you are together.” He put air quotes around the last bit, and Harry was rapidly vacillating between being flattered by the comment and offended that Niall looked like he was saying it sarcastically.

The conversation moved on quickly to other ideas and updates, but Harry started to really digest what Niall said. It wasn’t anything new, he had heard it all before. People asked him all the time if he and Louis were together, but he always politely laughed and brushed them away saying they were just best friends.

If the general public bothered to dig into their lives at all—which was a can of worms Harry generally hated opening up—they could see very easily that Louis was married to Tyler. Now that they were semi-public figures, Louis tended to keep his Instagram mostly work-related, but the information was still out there on the internet.

But he still got the question and heard the whispers. It was ridiculous that in this day and age two gay men couldn’t be best friends without people speculating like that. Even at work it had become a joke like the noises everybody made when Steve first mentioned them working together.

It didn’t really make Harry uncomfortable, but it had to be really weird for Louis and Tyler. Clearly their relationship was solid if they could handle stuff like that. Harry wasn’t sure how he would feel if he was in Tyler’s shoes. Louis was such a dynamic person, it was probably difficult to share him with the rest of the world.

“Earth to Harry?”

Harry snapped back to reality when Louis waved a hand in front of his face. Everyone else was already lifting up out of their seats and chatting amongst themselves as they made their way back to the kitchen or their cubicles.

“Yeah?”

No longer concerned, Louis’ smirk spread slowly across his face. “I said: do you want to have lunch today? I know you’re filming something else, but grab me at your break and we can plan.”

Right. Plan. For the video they were basically just assigned by the bosses. “Yeah, yeah. That’s great.”

Louis clapped his hand on Harry’s knee a couple times before leaning his full weight on his palm and using Harry’s thigh to lift himself up out of his seat.

“See you then, Harold. Lots to do, lots to do,” Louis called behind him as he left the meeting area.

When he couldn’t see Louis anymore he turned back to the window where Liam, his Gourmet Makes producing director slash slave driver, was standing waiting for him with an expectant look on his face.

Harry sighed heavily. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

The whole reason Harry came in that day was to start his next episode of Gourmet Makes. Starburst. It should actually be a bit of a challenge, and as low-key as the first days usually were, he was already looking forward to his lunch with Louis as a nice way to break up the day.

Liam didn’t have to say anything, he just smiled maniacally and held the door open for Harry to leave with him.

Lots to do, indeed.

Louis

Days when Harry was filming Gourmet Makes episodes were always some of Louis’ favorite days in the Test Kitchen. There was something about the controlled chaos that he really loved, and it killed him when their schedules didn’t match up and he wasn’t around to lend a helping hand or pull Harry back from the edge. He and Harry had been colleagues for quite awhile, and with the advent of Bon Appétit’s YouTube channel, they really had only grown closer.

For all that Harry was a Very Serious Pastry Chef with a million degrees, he was also silly, and kind of a whiny brat when he didn’t want to do something. Louis loved watching it happen.

Louis hadn’t been kidding when he told Harry he had a lot to do that day. From the time they broke up their editorial meeting to the time he heard the clapperboard go as Harry filmed his intro in the background, Louis had been going non-stop.

They had just done a huge order of supplies, and while he wasn’t really a full time Test Kitchen manager anymore, he always helped Sarah when ten orders came in at once and it was too much for her to handle alone.

“Hey, everyone, I’m Harry, we’re here in the BA Test Kitchen and today, I’m making gourmet… Starburst!”

Louis smiled to himself as he kept one ear on the rest of Harry’s introduction. He couldn’t believe Harry made all of the amazing food he did. Louis wouldn’t even know where to start with half of the mass market foods he tried to make.

What he needed to do was stop listening, because he was trying to count metal clip things and keeping track of Harry was way too distracting. Louis would just put him out of his mind for now until Harry came to get him for lunch. Then, they could decide what they were going to do for their Sourdough episode.

The first time they tried to make sourdough together, first of all, everyone loved it. The start of them working together on camera had been in a video before that, but it was that bread episode that made their bosses realize they actually had something sellable.

That hadn’t even been the first time they attempted bread making, though. The two of them had tried to do the video and filmed it in its entirety before something happened, Louis couldn’t remember what exactly. So, they reshot, and the final video was great. Now, he was sure the fans were demanding more. He saw it himself in the comments section on their videos when he looked at them. 

Louis wasn’t super well-versed in making sourdough bread, he knew it was an “art,” but he only vaguely remembered some of the rules surrounding it. Harry was going to be leading this episode for the most part, so all Louis would need to do was test everything ahead of time.

Louis went about his business for the rest of the morning, getting a couple of orders in, stopping by his desk to answer emails, and spent some time trying to track down his phone after he lost it.

Well, “lost” was a strong word. He didn’t lose it, he just had a tendency to put it down and walk away from it. He hated being buried in it all the time, so he tried not to get too caught up in it.

His inability to respond and communicate with it was an issue. It upset his husband Tyler when he didn’t know where Louis was at all times. He wasn’t going to lie, it felt a little stifling some days. He stopped himself. That wasn’t an issue as much anymore.

By the time he located his phone, he could see that the crew was no longer actively filming behind bench one, and the counter top had been neatly arranged again. Louis smiled to himself. Harry’s habit of cleaning up behind himself was adorable. No matter what was going on in the midst of regular test kitchen chaos, he always quietly appeared with a rag to wipe something down so they had a clean station.

Most of the time, he never faulted anyone for making him clean up, he did it because he wanted the environment to be clean. But with Louis—who was naturally chaotic—he would always glare at him when he made a huge mess. It was incredible how unintimidating he was. Like an angry puppy.

At that moment, Harry appeared in the doorway behind bench one that led to the other studio space and the break table. He was standing in his light, spring blouse with his giant salad bowl in one hand as he casually texted with the other hand, completely oblivious to the world around him. The world being the crew going back and forth with cameras and boom equipment with the intention of putting it away so they could take their own lunch breaks.

“Ready, H?”

Harry’s gaze snapped up and his pretty green doe eyes focused on Louis as though he was coming out of a dream. His lips were bitten pink from earlier when he had been concentrating, and probably tasting some strawberry syrup.

“Yeah,” he said curtly. “Let me just finish this thing,” he added, dipping his gaze back down to his phone.

After being friends for so long, Louis knew how Harry operated. He wasn’t annoyed with Louis—that was an entirely different tone and level of concentration—he was simply oversaturated enough that he needed to completely finish one task before starting the next in order to free up his attention. Louis had seen it time and time again on Gourmet Makes filming days.

While Harry finished his “thing” Louis went and grabbed his own lunch from the staff fridge. There was no staff lunch fridge quite like the Bon Appétit fridge. Inside, each meal was either meticulously crafted, or left over junk food from past Gourmet Makes episodes. There was no inbetween. 

Louis himself had a salmon filet from one of Jesy and Perrie’s “Healthyish” episodes and some chickpea salad thing that Shawn was experimenting with the other day. Pretty good pickin’s if he did say so himself.

He lifted the lid off the plastic container and turned around to the staff table. Harry was still standing in the doorway with his nose pressed to his phone, so Louis let out a little whistle between his teeth.

“Let’s go, Styles! We don’t got all day.”

Harry startled again but kept typing as he turned around to walk towards Louis’ voice. Liam almost brained him with a camera, but other than that he arrived unscathed.

Finally, Harry locked the screen before putting his phone face down on the table forcefully.

“Okay. Ready.”

“Yeah?” 

Harry nodded as he stirred his salad again to catch the dressing that had settled a bit while he waited.

“So,” Louis started. “How’s Starburst so far?”

Harry glared at him as he stuffed a big bite of green in his mouth. Louis couldn’t help but laugh before changing the subject.

“Alright, alright. Sourdoooughnuts.”

“Sourdough donuts.” Harry tried to be defiant, but he still had a mouthful of salad.

“Right. What do you got for me?”

Harry lifted his phone again to pull up the recipe he said he had found earlier, and they began to plan out the video and what they would need to do for it. They spent their lunch piecing their filming schedules together to give them the time they would need for Louis to test it out a few times before Harry came back the following week.

Sourdough took time and care with lots of proving time so they had to be deliberate in how they fit their time in with Harry’s Starburst schedule.

Their planning quickly devolved into them just sitting there spending their breaks together as most of their conversations did. 

It was odd, Louis thought to himself, that it was clear they weren’t really working but no one approached them. The test kitchen was collaborative by nature and the staff was always milling around getting into everyone else’s business. Plenty of people had walked by to get their lunches because it was lunch time, but no one had stopped to sit with them.

Louis was struck by the thought, even more so because of what Niall had said in the staff meeting about people thinking they were “hot together.” 

It was amazing to him that people really thought that. He tried to keep his personal life pretty private, and he knew Harry did too, but he also thought it was common knowledge that he was married.

The opinions of people on the internet didn’t really matter to him. They didn’t. He just never wanted Harry to be uncomfortable with him, he couldn’t bear it if Harry pulled away from him, he was one of Louis’ best friends.

Also Tyler, Louis thought, kicking himself. Obviously he hadn’t ever wanted his husband to be uncomfortable with the two of them hanging out together outside of work. 

Louis wasn’t sure Tyler had ever spent much time thinking about YouTube comments. It couldn’t have been part of what led them to where they were now. He had always turned his nose up at the fermentation projects Louis did at home, so he didn’t pay much attention to the videos that went up on the channel where Louis was featured, or the channel in general.

Tyler had loved coming to all of the work functions, though. He had enjoyed getting dressed up and coming downtown to the fancy Condé Nast parties. Meanwhile, Louis and his fellow BA chefs always felt a little out of place when they were asked to attend the parties instead of cater them. 

Louis watched the way the bright, midday sun bounced off the nearby buildings and caught the little baby curls that had escaped Harry’s bun. There was a dot of dressing on his lip as he took a big crunching bite of his salad and scrolled on his phone trying to find that one thing he wanted to show Louis from the week before. His apron was covered in little tiny dots of bright red of syrup, like maybe he had turned the mixer on too quickly and it had sprayed back on him. There was a big patch of a mysterious white powder near where the counter would hit him, and a couple little tears in the worn linen fabric.

No, despite the fact that they were now separated, Louis didn’t think Harry had anything to do with it or that Tyler had ever wasted his time seeing Harry and Louis’ relationship as a threat. Harry wasn’t glamorous enough to be on Tyler’s radar.

And they were. Separated. 

Barely anyone around the office knew. They had recently decided to take the final step and file for divorce, something that was much easier for Louis to ignore when he was away on location. That part—Louis being away all the time—definitely was a factor in their separation. Tyler had made that very clear.

Everything he said when they finally sat down and talked about it made sense. He didn’t feel like they were “married” anymore, they felt more like roommates. For Louis, it was tough admitting to himself that he had failed at seeing the signs better. He and Tyler had just been so comfortable together, and Louis’ life had gotten so much busier, so it was easy to ignore the little things.

Tyler, too, spent a lot more time at his midtown office as he continued to further his career in copy editing at the New York Times. Sometimes they managed to commute home together, but those trips had gotten less and less frequent as the days went on until it barely ever happened.

Now, it never happened. Louis had been staying with Zayn for the last month since their initial separation, and was hoping to find a new apartment soon. Zayn said he didn’t mind, but Louis missed having his own space. He had to go to the lawyer’s office in the morning on his way to work to actually file for divorce the next day, and that seemed as good a starting point as any for his new life.

Niall finally came over and sat down at the table, jolting Louis out of his head and into the present.

At least this was something steady in Louis’ life, a talisman to help him feel like his world wasn’t falling apart completely. Work. The test kitchen and it’s constant hum of activity. Recipes needed to be developed and tested, videos needed to be filmed, magazines needed to be printed.

Soon, Liam was coming over to flag Harry down so they could get back to filming on Starbursts and Harry was sending him his very strict instructions for the recipe reminding him of everything they had talked about at the beginning of the break.

“I got it, I got it. Promise, Harold.” 

Harry opened his mouth to protest one more time, but all Louis did was take his salad bowl so he could wash it before turning him around and sending into Liam’s waiting arms for more filming.

“But I have to wash that!” Harry protested over his shoulder

“I got it!” Louis called out, drowning him out. Harry needed to learn how to accept other people doing something nice for him for once. 

Later that day, Zayn came to save Louis from the walk-in when it was time to go home. They were heading out a few minutes early that afternoon because it was beautiful out, and they had gotten a lot done. They deserved a reward. Especially given what Louis had to do the next morning.

One of their suppliers had sent in some amazing rib racks, so they were going to take them home and grill them nice and slow.

As Louis was gathering up his stuff, something caught his eye next to his bag in his cubicle—that he barely sat in at all.

He had totally forgotten that he had picked up a present for Harry when he was upstate filming. There was an old fashioned general store that sold local goods, and one of the men in town was a skilled woodworker who crafted beautiful french rolling pins. If anyone in Louis’ life would appreciate one, it was Harry the pastry chef.

Louis checked his phone. It was almost four, so Harry was probably still filming. Zayn was across the bullpen chatting with Niall, so Louis got his attention and signalled that he was going to run back to the test kitchen.

When he got to the kitchen, he paused in the doorway. He really needed to go home, didn’t want to keep Zayn waiting, but Harry was clearly busy in the middle of something. It had never stopped him before, he knew, but everything Niall had said had gotten in his head earlier. Louis knew what it would look like when he gave Harry a gift like this on camera.

This was ridiculous, he had never let people’s opinion dictate what he had done ever before, there was no reason for him to start now.

Louis approached bench one from behind, swinging the rolling pin back and forth as he made his way down the line of ovens along the side of the kitchen. He hadn’t wrapped it or anything. Hadn’t thought about it that much.

“Hey, Harold.”

Harry looked like he was pulling taffy, and Louis stopped to truly take in the ridiculous scene in front of him. There were globs of white taffy in his hands and every time he pulled his hands apart almost all of it stayed stuck to his skin and very little of it actually pulled. The difficulty of his task was clear from his damp brow and huffed out breath. There was an extra burden to his movements too that showed the extra exertion.

“Louis!” Harry’s eyes lit up and he faced Louis as he continued to pull his hands apart in front of him. Liam looked a little exasperated at Louis’ interruption, but didn’t say anything.

“I got you a little something on my trip,” Louis said as he placed the cherry wood rolling pin down in front of him on the bench so he could see it, but far enough back that it wasn’t in his way.

“Oh my God,” Harry cooed. “Louis! Thank you.”

“It’s handmade. Cherry. By one of the guys up there.”

Harry kept pulling the taffy as he continued to gush. “What a perfect gift, you know me so well!”

Louis was starting to get a bit embarrassed by the praise but that didn’t come anywhere close to the smug satisfaction he felt at being able to pick out something so “perfect” for him.

“Alright, I got to go, but I wanted to make sure you got that. I don’t know, maybe it can help all this.” He gestured to the benchtop with Harry’s various experiments scattered around. 

Harry finally stopped pulling and started the arduous process of getting all of the sticky stuff off his hands. “Wait, you’re leaving? Now?”

“Yeah, Zayn’s waiting for me in the office. We’re going to grill up some ribs tonight. Low and slow,” he drew out, trying to get Harry to laugh again. He loved messing with him when he was on camera.

Harry made a face at him. “You and Zayn sure are attached at the hip lately… I mean more than usual.” 

Zayn was Louis’ best friend and producer so it wasn’t that surprising, and Louis didn’t think Harry meant anything by the comment. But Harry was also right. Louis and Zayn were spending more time together because Louis was living with him. Somehow Louis thought that rumors and gossip would spread enough that the few people who did know that he had moved out of his and Tyler’s house—namely, Niall—would manage to get the word to Harry.

Apparently not. Harry really did know nothing about his situation.

Guilt gnawed at Louis. Harry was one of his best friends. There was no reason for him not to know. He should know. Louis wanted to be able to talk to him about it.

But now, on camera, was definitely not the time. Louis needed to play it off.

“You know me and Zaynie. Can’t do nothing without each other.” He looked up at the camera that he could feel being trained on him and gave it a little wink before pushing himself off the bench.

Harry was pulling the last little bits of taffy off his long, deft fingers. “Ooh, wait. Before you go. Taste one thing for me?”

Zayn was probably still standing there waiting for him.

“Sure, hit me.”

Harry reached for a spoon and lifted a piece of plastic wrap off a small metal mixing bowl before dipping into it and pulling out a liquid that looked a little like cough syrup. “I made my own strawberry flavoring. What do you think?”

He held the spoon up in front of Louis for him to taste, and Louis didn’t think anything of it before leaning in and taking what he was given.

A burst of strawberry flavor hit his tongue, but not the sickly sweet sort of syrup found in most commercial candies. This tasted like the juiciest strawberry he had ever eaten.

“Mm, good one Harold.”

“You like it?”

Louis nodded trying to think of a way to explain it. “That tastes like… You know when you have a summer barbeque? Fire pit goin’, kids running around in the field, and there’s like a big platter of fruit that sits out for dessert and you get a sprinkle of sugar on top so it starts macerating and sitting in it’s own juice.” He stopped himself before he got hungry again. “Ugh, that’s the best.”

Harry’s eyes were sparkling and his smile was so wide it spread across his whole face, so Louis figured he had done something else right. He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he turned back to the bowl, pulling the plastic wrap across the top again and said, “Yeah, yeah. Those are so yummy.”

Harry always seemed to follow what Louis was trying to say, no matter what. 

Louis put his hand on Harry’s shoulder and squeezed as he passed behind him to head back out of the kitchen.

“Have a good night, Harry.”

“You too, Lou.”

As Louis made his way out he could hear Harry say something else about how he was happy with the syrup now and would use it in the next test.

Louis was excited about how well received his gift was too. Harry was one of the best gift givers there ever was, so for him to genuinely go on about something Louis had picked out felt incredible, he couldn’t deny it. 

Seeing Harry was a good choice, it was the last little hit of happiness he needed to uplift him on his way out. He was going to need it the next day.

All in all the filing was quick. Louis sat across a small table in their lawyer’s office watching Tyler sign the joint petition.

Because they had decided to use a lawyer, it would cost a little extra money in fees but he would take care of all of it for them. Everything would be split down the middle—they had maintained their independence for the most part—and Tyler would keep the apartment.

Nothing about the situation was good for Louis; he was still wrapping his mind around the whole process. But he didn’t mind having to move out, really. It was a way for him to make a clean break and he would have hated going home every day to the omnipresent ghost of their marriage.

Tyler put the pen down and straightened his back in his chair. “So, that’s that, then?”

His gaze lifted up to Louis, and something about the gesture set his teeth on edge.

Throughout their relationship one of Louis’ biggest pet peeves had been Tyler looking to Louis to make whatever decision he needed to make at the time. In general Louis didn’t mind being decisive, but Tyler had almost always already made the decision in his head. Everything was fine if Louis chose correctly, but if he didn’t the tension would rise or he would hear about it a few hours later. Louis felt like he was being tested every time.

Now, it was ten times worse. They were sitting there in the lawyer’s office because of Tyler. Tyler had made his decision on his own and chosen to excise Louis from his life. He couldn’t do that and then turn around and look to Louis for guidance.

Louis was determined to stay calm and collected, but in reality he wanted to rip his hair out.

“I think so,” he said looking to Will, their lawyer. Will and Louis had been friendly in high school, but not really friends, and ended up connecting later in life when they both moved to the city. When Louis and Tyler got married and they needed help sorting everything out, he was the first person Louis thought of to help.

Will nodded and took the papers. “That’s it.” The rest of the paperwork would be taken care of and filed through Will. 

Louis and Tyler both said goodbye to Will and left the offices together. The elevator ride from the fortieth floor had never felt longer.

He could have fallen to his knees and kissed the ground when his phone buzzed in his pocket. The message was from Niall in a group chat that included Zayn.

Niall: SOS

“Is that Zayn?” Tyler asked, cutting through Louis’ anxiety at the cry for help.

“No, actually. Niall.”

“Ah,” Tyler nodded before crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

The awkwardness made Louis forget Niall’s distress for a moment. How had they gotten to this place? They used to be intimate with each other. Louis had confessed some of his deepest, darkest secrets to Tyler, and now they could barely piece together the threads of a conversation.

The phone in his hand vibrated again, lighting up the screen with a notification.

Zayn: whats up?

Zayn could handle it, whatever it was. 

Louis checked the time on the lockscreen. He would be with Zayn in twenty minutes anyway, depending on how long it took him to get downtown.

He opened his mouth to try and say something, anything to Tyler, but it was hard to rely on awkward small talk with someone you had just signed away. It would take a few weeks before they were officially divorced, but still.

Buzz-Buzz.

Niall: Did Harry not know about Louis and Tyler?

Shit.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened on the first floor, so Louis knew he was going to have to say goodbye to Tyler. He couldn’t handle both issues at the same time, so he had to hope Zayn really could answer Niall.

Louis tried again to say something. “Tyler—”

“Look, Louis,” Tyler interrupted him. “I know this is weird, and I’m sorry everything worked out this way.”

Louis bit his tongue to keep himself from asking why he chose to do it, then.

“I just think, all things considered, I expected you to fight for us a bit more.”

Tyler was looking at him with large, expectant eyes as though that was Louis’ cue to fall to his knees on the marble floor in the lobby of this random skyscraper and beg for Tyler to take him back.

Expected Louis to fight a bit more? Relationships were a two-way street.

No matter what he wanted to say, Louis wanted to remain amicable with Tyler, he really did. So all he did was shrug his shoulders.

“You told me you wanted out, and I would never keep you trapped when you were unhappy.”

Tyler pursed his lips and nodded. “Well, there you go.”

The awkwardness was back with a vengeance. Had it ever really left?

Louis sighed. “I’ve got to get to work.” He didn’t, he was late meeting Zayn. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Tyler’s cheek. “See you later.”

He pushed through the glass doors out onto the loud, bustling streets of midtown and didn’t look back.

On the subway platform he finally checked his phone again.

Zayn: meet at aroma now? lou on his way

Niall: Sure

He locked the screen again letting his phone slide back into his pocket and leaning his head back on his shoulders.

Next crisis.

Harry somehow found out about his and Tyler’s separation. Zayn was the only person who knew about the actual filing, so Niall probably hadn’t spilled the beans about that yet. 

Because it was still so early in the day, Niall had probably told Harry the night before, which meant that Harry had known for a while now. Louis wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Harry was one of his best friends, and Louis wanted him to know, but the more people found out the more it was beginning to feel like Louis failed at something.

He wasn’t big on shame, and for the most part embarrassment tended to roll right off his back, but for some reason Harry in particular finding out was dredging these feelings up.

The train came to a grinding halt and he followed the masses that were flowing up from underground. Aroma was a few blocks away and when he got there, Zayn and Niall had both already ordered. 

Niall was the drinks editor for the magazine, so Louis didn’t even want to think about what his coffee order was—it was never the same thing twice—but he just wanted a big black coffee. He was going to need it to get through this day.

The coffee there was good, single origin, flavorful.

Louis dropped his backpack over the back of the chair, hanging by one strap. “So, what happened?”

On any normal day, Zayn would have made fun of him for the abrupt greeting, but he knew what today was.

Niall took a savoring sip of his drink. “After everybody left, it was just me and Harry and he was wrapping up a few things on Starburst. I don’t remember how it came up, but we were talking about the two of you going home and grilling because we were both jealous. How was it by the way?”

“Excellent,” Zayn interrupted.

“Nice,” Niall nodded. “Anyway. I made a comment about how good you guys must be eating now that you’re both living together.”

Louis sighed. Again, it wasn’t that he didn’t want Harry to know. There was just something about it being Harry. He couldn’t pinpoint it, but he knew his heart was in his throat and his coffee had turned to ash when it hit his tongue.

He guessed he had just hoped to be able to tell Harry himself on his own terms which was harder and harder when Harry didn’t come into the test kitchen to film anywhere near as often anymore.

“What did he say?” Harry was hard to read sometimes, but maybe if Niall could tell, Louis could figure out how to broach the subject with him.

“Not much. He was surprised, for sure. He asked for some details but also said he didn’t want to pry. I kept it sort of vague. I think he was more surprised that you hadn’t told him yourself.”

That was what Louis was afraid of when he heard the news.

“Thanks, Ni.” Louis clapped him on the back, but didn’t know what else to say. Thankfully both of them knew he wanted to move on, so Zayn changed the subject to that day’s filming.

Once again, he wasn’t supposed to see Harry in person for another week, and when he did come in they were going to have a packed schedule of filming between Harry’s Starburst episode and their episode of It’s Alive. 

He was definitely going to need to talk to Harry before that if he didn’t want it to be awkward between the two of them, which he didn’t.

Being separated or getting divorced was starting to feel like coming out. Coming out never just happened once, it happened thousands times whenever he met someone new. That was a pretty universal experience, he figured, and it was what was beginning to happen with the break up of his marriage.

Now that they had filed, there was no reason to keep wearing his wedding ring. He could take it off as a symbol of his newly single status. The only problem was, he was a chef. He barely ever wore the thing anyway because he had to take it off every time he got his hands dirty, but at least it was a start.

The three of them packed up and made their way back to the One World Trade Center and the Bon Appétit offices. Louis stood at his desk to drop off his stuff and very subtly slipped his ring off his ring finger and into one of the side pockets. 

Nobody would notice, it wasn’t anything new, but it felt different to him and he supposed that was all that mattered.

All day, Louis waited for the shoe to drop, waited for Harry to break his silence and ask him why he hadn’t told him about the separation. 

His phone was silent. 

The day was pretty busy, so it was easy for him to forget about it and ignore it for the most part, but on all his breaks he found himself reaching for his phone, which was very much unlike him. 

Finally, as Zayn fell asleep on the train next to him, Louis caved.

Louis: How ya doin, Harold?

Harold: I’m alright.

Yeah, Harry was upset with him.

Louis: heard you talked to Niall yesterday

Harold: I did.

Louis: wanna talk about it?

Harold: Sure.

Louis: we’re underground now. FaceTime tonight?

Harold: Okay. I’m here, call whenever.

Even though it had been Louis’ idea to Facetime Harry, he found himself dragging his feet when they got back to Zayn’s apartment. Initially, he wanted to explain the situation to Harry, and Louis might be oblivious on occasion, but even he could tell Harry was really upset with him. Beyond just joking around.

Zayn threw a couple of quesadillas on the griddle for them, and Louis took his into the spare room. Calling it a bedroom was generous, it was really more like an extra large closet that could fit a twin bed if only to provide more floor space. Louis had made it into a home, as temporary as it was. Most of his stuff was in storage waiting for him when he found a new place. In the meantime, he paid Zayn in utilities and food.

He sat up on the bed with his back against the wall and his feet hanging off the edge of the mattress as he reached for the quesadilla and took a hot, oozy bite.

Avoiding calling as long as he could, he continued to munch happily as he checked the rest of his messages.

Finally, he tapped Harry’s name.

It rang a few times before Harry picked up.

“Hi, Lou.” He had a fluffy light purple bathrobe on and a plastic clippy thing holding his wet hair off his face.

“Hiya,” Louis replied. They had FaceTimed like this plenty of times before. Usually it was Louis calling Harry from the test kitchen if he had a question or needed to find something he had cleaned up. It was just easier to see his face when he called than to just call him and switch halfway through.

Louis hesitated. “So, I heard you talked to Niall.”

Harry scrunched his face up and looked up off camera. “You said that already.”

Never one to beat around the bush, Louis just went for it. “What’s the matter, Harold. Why are you pissed at me?”

“I’m not mad at you,” Harry answered quickly. Too quickly.

Louis refused to continue until Harry gave him a straight answer, and Harry shifted uncomfortably and sighed.

“Look,” Harry said softly after a few moments. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“Alright.” Louis stopped to collect his thoughts as he tried to find a thread to pull that would bring him to the beginning of the story. “We had been having problems for a while, but I was too oblivious to see them.”

“That’s not true,” Harry said immediately, jumping to Louis’ defense, even while he was still clearly upset.

“How do you know, Harold, if you don’t even know the story yet?”

“Fine. Continue.”

Louis cleared his throat. “Well, Tyler felt as though we were sort of living separate lives, but together.”

Harry hummed in agreement but didn’t interrupt again.

“It was true, for the most part. I didn’t go with him to hang out with his friends, he only came to a few work things. I guess I just didn’t have a problem with it before he started pointing it out.”

Louis hesitated again. “We sort of jumped right into a trial separation.”

“You didn’t try any counseling or anything like that?” Harry asked.

Pulling his beanie from work off his head, Louis ran his fingers through his hair. “No, I mean. If he wasn’t happy, he wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to force him into staying or anything.”

Harry grimaced. His reaction combined with how Tyler reacted earlier made Louis defensive. 

“Why is that not okay? He said something this morning that made me think he had a different goal in mind but I was just trying to do what he wanted.”

“You saw him today?” Harry asked, his eyebrows raising towards his hairline.

Not wanting to tackle that just yet, Louis dismissed him. “I’ll tell you that part later.”

Harry relented. “Okay, well, I think jumping into a separation might have been premature. I’ve never been married before, but it feels like you should do a bit more before breaking up a marriage. If you really love someone you fight to not let them go. I think. I mean, I’ve never been married before.”

“I mean I love him, I do. But, because I love him, I didn’t want him to be unhappy being stuck with me.”

“Hey, hey. No one could ever just be ‘stuck’ with you,” Harry chastised. 

Louis could feel the burgeoning smile. “Thanks, Harold.”

“So, why did you see Tyler this morning.”

Louis sighed again. “Well, the trial separation had been going on for about two months. Tyler decided he wanted to file.”

“For divorce?” Harry cried.

“Yeah. We did the paperwork this morning.”

Harry covered his mouth with his hand as he watched Louis on his screen. “Oh my God. Two months?”

“Just about. After a pretty lackluster Valentine’s Day.”

The other end of the line went quiet and Louis could see Harry deflate.

“What’s wrong, Harold? I’m pretty sure this is my problem, not yours,” he added, trying to make him laugh.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Lou?”

Louis froze. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why didn’t you tell me any of this was going on?”

“What could you have done?” Louis asked, and immediately regretted it. 

Harry’s brow clouded over. “What could I have done? I don’t know. Listened? Been there for you? Made you some fucking cookies?”

“You were, though. You are always there to talk to when I need it.”

Harry floundered for a minute. “Yeah, of course. But clearly you didn’t trust me enough to talk to me about this big important thing.”

“Hey, woah. Harry. No. It’s not that I didn’t trust you. Not at all. It was just…” He didn’t know how to articulate it. “It was a lot to deal with, this big thing hanging over my head. Coming in and having something else to talk about, or someone who didn’t know about my failed marriage was nice.”

Harry fell quiet. “I mean, sure. If that’s what you want. But you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“Yeah, Harold. I know. I promise.”

“Alright.”

The conversation died, and Harry heaved a sigh. “So, are you going to start testing the sourdough brioche tomorrow for the doughnuts?”

Louis nodded and dug around for the loose sheet of paper with Harry’s notes. “Yep. Got the info right here.”

“Good. Let me know how it goes.”

“I will.” Louis caught Harry stifling a huge yawn. “Hey, you look beat. Don’t let me keep you up any longer.” 

Harry shook his head and his loose curls danced around his face. “No, no. I’m awake. This is important.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

Finally relenting, Harry shrugged his robe up closer around his shoulders. “Goodnight, Lou.”

“Night, Harold.”

Louis clicked the end call button and his home screen lit up burning his retinas. It had gotten darker outside as he talked to Harry, so there was no more light coming in through the tiny little porthole window. 

He took an extra few minutes and changed out of his work clothes before he went out to join Zayn in the living room. Zayn had a joint lit, but Louis didn’t like to smoke during the week because he always still felt sluggish the next morning.

There was an episode of The Office already playing, and Louis had seen the series enough that he didn’t need to watch in any order, so he plopped down on the couch next to him and propped his feet up.

“Talk to Harry?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah.” Louis rubbed his face with his hands, starting to feel as tired as Harry had looked at the end of their call.

“How’d it go?”

Louis shrugged. Thankfully, Zayn knew him well enough to leave him alone while he thought it out.

The truth was, Louis’ brain was fried. Between everything with Tyler in the morning, and Harry being upset with him, the day had taken an emotional toll on Harry and his well-being.

Filing for divorce was easy to compartmentalize because it wouldn’t be relevant again for another forty-five days when it was final.

Louis’ complicated reaction to Harry was a lot harder to shove in a box and ignore, but he had a week before Harry would be back in the test kitchen to film with him, so at least he had time to try.

The next week, Louis and Zayn were up and out the door as soon as they could get their act together. They had a long day of filming ahead of them, and they liked to get into the kitchen early anyway. 

Louis liked to do it because he was still a test kitchen manager and he had a bunch of orders he wanted to sort out before he did any filming.

It was his first day filming with Harry on their sourdoughnut project, and Harry was also filming more of his Starburst episode. Over the past week he had been testing and perfecting their brioche dough and serving the whole kitchen batch after batch of perfectly formed doughnuts.

He and Harry had been texting back and forth a lot too, and Louis was pretty certain they were past whatever had been upsetting Harry the week before, so it wouldn’t be awkward at all when he came in to film.

They were ready.

The next morning, the day they were set to start filming, Louis texted Harry to ask if he wanted him to pick up breakfast.

Harold: I’m okay

Louis: no iced coffee?

Harry was Louis’ best friend. Louis knew he definitely was going to want some iced coffee.

Harold: I can get some

Louis: don’t worry about it harold I’ll get some and it’ll be here waiting for you

Harold: Are you sure?

Louis: wouldn’t have asked if i wasn’t

Harold: Thanks, Lou

“Hey, Zayn, we got to stop at Aroma on the way in.”

Zayn slowly blinked at him as he opened his eyes—he was one of those annoying people that fell back asleep on the train and somehow managed to wake up for his stop every time.

“Why?”

“Got to get some coffee,” Louis replied hoping he was sleepy enough that he didn’t call out the fact that they had already had coffee that morning.

“But we had coffee at home.”

Louis really hadn’t wanted to put his desire to do something nice for Harry under a microscope. With all of the weirdness the week before and the fact that they were both filming together and seeing each other in person for the first time since then, he just wanted Harry to be happy and be a good friend.

“I want some more.”

Zayn shrugged and let his eyes drift shut again without questioning it. In fact, he went along with it all the way through Louis’s order of a small black coffee. It wasn’t until Louis ordered a large iced coffee with extra cream and no sugar that Zayn began to suspect him.

“You could have just said you wanted to get a coffee for Harry.”

This time, Louis shrugged.

Zayn let the subject drop because he was a good friend, but Louis could feel the silent, questioning look. 

Louis knew Harry had a 9 o’clock call time, but he also knew Harry was Harry, so he didn’t sweat getting to the test kitchen at ten of nine.

His assumption that Harry would bustle in right at nine was correct. When he held out the large coffee that was dripping with condensation, Harry looked at him like he was the second coming.

“Oh my God, Aroma! I love you,” Harry sighed as he took a big gulp. His eyelashes fluttered against his cheek when he closed his eyes to savor the taste. Louis listened, he knew that Harry thought Aroma had the best iced coffee around.

“Big day, Harold.”

Harry just smiled at him as Liam fiddled with his microphone and someone else loaded the counter up with all of his ingredients for Starburst.

“It’ll be crazy. We’re on for two, though?” That was after Harry’s lunch break when they would film the opening of their sourdoughnuts segment. 

“Yep. I’ll see you then,” Louis backed away from bench one as he headed towards the walk-in. “Godspeed, Harold!”

Liam started to call for the clapboard, and Louis could hear them starting to film. Louis would definitely go back to check on him later to see where he was in the process even before they were set to film their own video. The powers-that-be liked it when he made cameos in Harry’s videos, but Liam always gave him dirty looks if he felt as though Louis wasn’t leaving Harry enough time alone to actually get anything done.

Louis couldn’t help it, though. Whenever he was around Harry there was this instinct that settled deep in his gut. No one had asked, and it wasn’t anything he would share, but in his head he identified it as his “twelve-year-old boy syndrome.” Because when it took over all he wanted to do was pull Harry’s metaphorical pigtails and tease him and make him laugh so hard he bent over and couldn’t breathe.

Something about Harry just made Louis want to mess with him. It was part of the reason they became such good friends; Louis wanted to be around Harry and clown around, and Harry loved it, indulging him by giggling at even the stupidest things Louis said.

He only ever felt uncomfortable about it when someone clearly called him out. Like Liam with his dirty looks. So, to avoid temptation, he tried to limit how many times he walked by in the background or interrupted when Harry was filming.

When it was finally time for them to start filming, everything was a little chaotic. Harry had finished his lunch and mellowed out a bit more in time to film the introduction of their sourdoughnut video.

They set up with Zayn at the helm, because it was technically an episode of It’s Alive, and by the time the clapper came down, Harry was still a little tense, so Louis improvised. He had a knack for pulling him out of his own head.

So he turned to the camera.

“Hey guys, today on It’s Alive, we’re here with the lovely Harry Styles, Half-Sour himself.” He paused for a second as he watched Harry process what he had said. “Ooh, that sounded good.”

Harry just barely contained his laughter next to him as he turned his body to face Louis more than the camera. That was more like it.

“Yeah, today we’re going to be making a little sourdoooooughnuts.” 

With Harry successfully relaxed, Louis went on to explain the difference in using a sourdough starter instead of commercial yeast.

“And then, they’re sourdooooughnuts. Right?” He turned to Harry for confirmation, and he saw the indulgent expression on his face.

“Sourdough doughnuts,” Harry explained.

“Sourdoooooughnuts.” As subtly as he could, Louis winked at Harry who blushed and shook his head at Louis’ antics as Zayn called cut.

For the life of him Louis couldn’t remember why they didn’t film together all the time, this was going to be fun.

They combined the ingredients and continued to let the dough mix as they bantered back and forth between themselves. They were talking so much shit and their conversation was so all over the place that Louis kept expecting Zayn to cut them off but he never did.

Totally lost in their conversation, Louis even turned the mixer off at one point when Harry said he didn’t know how to drive a manual car and that he barely drove at all because he lived in the city. 

Eventually, they got back on track and kneaded the dough enough that they could put it away and let it rest. For the rest of the day they just needed to keep an eye on the dough and turn it a few times. Because Harry had to finish filming Starbursts, that was Louis’ responsibility.

Louis had done a few test runs when Harry was out of the test kitchen where he hadn’t quite remembered all of the details of Harry’s turning technique so he might have made up his own.

He was all set to do it again when he pulled the dough out of the walk in and brought it to the window. Zayn was following him with the camera, but they couldn’t use bench one because Harry was using it.

Louis was explaining what he was doing as he lifted the lid off the container and got his hands underneath the giant sticky blob of dough.

“Lou, what did you do?” Harry called to him from across the kitchen.

“What? I did a turn.”

Harry was laughing incredulously as a spoon with hot sugar dripping off it dangled in his hand and his own cameraman, Kevin, began swinging back and forth across the kitchen. “Why does it look so weird?”

Louis looked down at the dough lump with rippling folds. That probably wasn’t how it was supposed to look, was it?

“Well, I had some difficulties, Harold.” Harry came over and looked down into the container. “We were just talking about how pretty yours was, it looked beautiful.”

Harry continued to explain what the end result was supposed to look like as he rushed back over to the hot sugar on the stove. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Louis saw Zayn and Kevin exchange high fives while filming each other.

It was turning into a circus as they simultaneously filmed both  It’s Alive and Gourmet Makes at once.

Louis dug his hands back down into the container only for Harry to stop him again. 

“Louis, what are you doing?” Harry could barely get the words out around his laughter.

Louis didn’t know what else to do to fix it so he turned around to plead for help. “I don’t know!”

Harry was doubled over, still stirring his sugar. “Just leave it, you’re done.”

“I’m done?” Please let him be done. 

“You’re done.” Harry dabbed at the corners of his eyes with his wrist to wipe away his tears from laughing.

Louis turned to Zayn and spoke to the camera. “You know, we’ll just try again in another hour.”

Over by the stove Harry snorted and giggled again. Louis had to keep it together to try and wrap this section up, and he barely managed to not laugh until Zayn called cut.

Harry was still filming and Liam was starting to give him dirty looks again—Louis was surprised he had lasted this long—so they couldn’t really stop and laugh about what chaos that had been, but he needed to come back in another hour anyway to do another turn.

An hour later, Louis came back and they did another turn of the dough. Harry made an offhand comment about the dough looking like it had even less air in it than when they started, but Louis was sure he was exaggerating. Hyped up on the restless energy of the day, he made a joke about Harry not helping the video which put another giant smile on Harry’s face and made him laugh again. 

Louis had made this dough twice in prep during the week prior while Harry was gone and he hadn’t had any problems with it.

It was definitely the best dough yet.

The call time was supposed to be 9 am. 

Louis and Zayn had gotten in pretty early because their commute had been light that morning. He wasn’t surprised, it was a beautiful Friday in May and the city was reveling in it.

Apparently, so was Harry. 

Louis checked his watch. 9:10.

Because the call time had been set, Zayn already had the camera holstered filming Louis as he walked around prepping. Harry was still nowhere to be found and Louis was vamping, if only to fill the time.

While he waited, Louis wandered around picking out spices and chocolate and some of his cocoa rouge powder that he thought they might want for toppings later when they actually fried off the doughnuts.

After he was satisfied he had grabbed everything they talked about and more, he settled back at bench one and took a sip of his yerba mate and surveyed his findings.

“What do we need?” he mumbled absentmindedly. “What do we… need?”

He could feel Zayn filming him over his shoulder so he turned to the camera.

“Oh, I know what we need. We need Harry.”

Zayn tried not to laugh as Louis came back to his place in front of the camera.

“Have you heard from him, Zaynie?” he asked Zayn. 

Both Zayn and the camera shook back and forth, so Louis dug his phone out of his pocket. No messages.

“So much for that,” he said as he texted Harry a simple “Donuts?” before stuffing it back in his jeans.

Louis could feel himself getting bored. He started playing with his mic pack before Zayn gave him a silent stink eye. To resist temptation he clipped it on his waistband where it should be, but it wasn’t long before his hands found something else to play with instead.

A few seconds later his pocket buzzed.

Harold: In the Oculus, coming!

The Oculus was the transportation hub under One World Trade Center, which meant he was only a few minutes away. Thank god.

Zayn kept filming so Louis kept vamping for the camera, but he was quickly running out of things to do or say.

“Ugh,” Louis groaned five minutes later when Harry still wasn’t there. He splayed his torso flat across bench one. “I feel like I’m in school again.”

Another few minutes after that, Zayn finally broke his silence. “Which Oculus is he even in?”

Louis groaned again but thankfully one of the editorial assistants—the first person besides Zayn Louis had seen in twenty minutes—made the terrible mistake of walking by the bench, so Louis roped him in to hearing about what they were going to do. He made a few more jokes about how late Harry was, but finally let the assistant go on his merry way.

He checked his watch again. 9:35.

“Zaaaaaaaaayn,” he whined.

Zayn didn’t answer. He let Louis suffer for another minute or so before he waved to silently get his attention and pointed back towards the door.

There, talking to the editorial assistant, was Harry Styles looking like spring sunshine personified with his big, curly brown ringlets and a yellow denim jacket with embroidered flowers.

“Ooh!” he yelled to get Harry’s attention. “There he is!”

Harry looked dazed and confused as he saw the completely set up bench one and Zayn standing there already filming. 

“Harold, I am exhausted.”

Harry’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

The thing was, Louis should have been mad. He should have been annoyed. If it had been anyone else making him wait, he might have been. Instead he bit back a smile and dialed up the dramatics. “I’ve been dancing in front of this camera for forty five minutes. There was a nine o’clock call time.”

“Forty five minutes?” Harry asked incredulously. “Wait, I thought it was 9:30.”

Louis watched in slow motion as Harry put the straw of his iced coffee in the side of his mouth and sipped suggestively. To be fair to Harry, Louis didn’t think it was meant to be that suggestive, but Harry’s lips were so plump and pink that almost anything he did with them went the extra mile. He looked away quickly and stood up to his full height because Harry was his best friend and that was… weird.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t know Harry was attractive. Louis was a man. With eyes. He knew first hand that people of all genders fell all over themselves to try and get Harry’s attention—even if Harry himself didn’t really see it. Hell, Harry was basically his hottest friend. And Louis was a gay man in New York City, so he had a lot of very attractive friends.

There was just something special about Harry. The way he carried himself, or the way he could be so serious and regimented, but also wasn’t afraid to laugh at himself or at Louis’ stupid humor.

Harry snorted. “I’m still fifteen minutes late if it was 9:30,” he said looking at the front of his phone where it clearly said 9:45.

He took his backpack off his shoulders and placed it at his feet. “But I got you something!” Excitedly, he pulled a tube of cherry chapstick out of his bag.

Louis stopped short. The temptation to mess with him was too strong. “I hate chapstick.”

Harry’s jaw dropped and he scoffed. “You love cherry chapstick!”

“You bought this?” Louis asked, taking it from his outstretched hand. “Thanks, Harold.” He turned around so his back was to the camera as he applied it. He really did like chapstick and he never remembered to carry it around with him. 

Because he was so keyed up, and he knew Harry was watching him, Louis stuck his tongue out and licked the top of the chapstick. 

“Ew, Louis!” Harry cried out. 

Louis turned back around. “What? I just licked it,” he told the camera. Zayn was turning red trying not to laugh.

Harry picked up his backpack again. “I was going to use it!”

The thought of Harry making his lips even pinker with something Louis’ lips had already touched zipped through his brain before he squashed it without a second thought. “Oh, you wanted this back?”

Harry tried to relax his face to roll his eyes at Louis in disgust, but his mouth was turned up at the corners.

Interrupting them, Zayn handed Harry a mic pack and he ran into the next room so that he was off camera while he put his things away and got himself together in record time. 

Louis could have used another minute before Harry came back around bench one with his iced coffee stil in hand—he liked that Zayn let him drink it on camera while Liam usually made him hide it. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Louis took a deep breath to start explaining his set up when he realized they hadn’t done an introduction or anything yet, even though it felt like he had run a marathon. “Oh, we’ve got to really start this episode now. Okay,” he laughed.

Zayn yelled cut and turned around to reset his clapboard while Louis just stared at him.

“You’re kidding, right? Now you cut?”

Harry

The afternoon sunlight was streaming into the test kitchen bright enough that Harry succumbed to calling Louis over so he could get up on a ladder and fix the blind that was broken.

Technically, Harry had only asked how to fix it, but Louis took one look at him in his bedraggled state and said no, he would get up and do it himself. Harry tried to tell himself that it was because Louis was so naturally handy, but it was also probably because Harry was a bit of a klutz on a good day.

The day, so far, had not been a good one.

It started out messy when he got to work forty-five minutes late for an early morning call time. Louis hadn’t seemed that upset, but Harry felt pretty bad about it. The weather was so beautiful in the morning, and the city was still relatively calm that early, so he took his time getting downtown. Then, he stopped for coffee, and gotten Louis his chapstick, and by the time he realized he was late, there was no saving him.

That had been the best part of the day.

After that, Liam put him through the wringer filming Starburst. At least he finally found a recipe he liked that tasted okay, but then everything had devolved into pure chaos.

Harry had four of his friends helping him—even Zayn, who hated being on camera—and he gave each of them a batch to help him incorporate the flavoring, knead, and form. Meanwhile he had been running around with hot sugar trying to get it evenly distributed.

Everything happened all at once, and he wasn’t positive, but he was pretty sure that almost nothing had actually worked.  

At the moment, they were waiting for the batches to set, so he was having a quick lunch sitting at bench one while he waited for Louis to finish his meeting. Once he was done, he was coming back downstairs and they were going to film the rest of their sourdough doughnuts episode.

That, too, was proving to be a bit of a failure. Earlier, they knew the doughnuts weren’t proofed enough but they went ahead and fried one off anyway. It hadn’t worked.

Now, they were waiting for the doughnuts to prove. While Harry was simultaneously waiting for the Starbursts to set.

Why on earth had he thought scheduling all his filming for one day was a good idea?

Everyone had dispersed for either the same meeting Louis was in or for lunch, so the kitchen was almost entirely empty save Harry and Perrie who was doing some recipe development at bench two. It was eerie after the pure chaotic energy they had just expended filming Starbursts.

Zayn had his camera up and ready to go when Louis came back.

“Don’t worry, I’m here!” Louis called from the front of the kitchen.

He had no idea he was wading into the calm after the storm. 

After what had happened earlier, Harry wanted to get back at him a little. “I have been waiting for thirty-five minutes.” 

Perrie turned around and chimed in. “Hours.”

Louis grinned as he put his apron on and clipped in his mic pack. “Yeah? How’s it feel, huh? What goes around comes around Half-Sour.”

All of the restless energy after the mess of a day he’d had came bubbling up as the ridiculous nickname made him giggle. 

Soon, he couldn’t stop giggling.

It hadn’t even been that funny.

Louis must have looked confused because Zayn actually started explaining what had happened.

“You missed it, we broke Harry while you were gone.”

Harry pulled himself together enough to add, “You missed utter chaos.”

Louis looked amused at his breakdown. “Are you in a good spot? In a good mental spot right now?”

“No!” Harry cried, shaking his head. “No, not at all.”

“Great, let’s get started then.”

Harry had already gone off the deep end. “I should have known this was not going to be a good day.”

“Harold, this is a great day. Stop. You’ll be fine.”

Realizing he had skipped ahead a few steps, Harry turned to the stove and the test doughnut he had fried earlier while he was waiting for his lunch. 

“I just did a test and they’re not ready.”

Zayn followed them to the stove as Louis started asking questions to figure out where they had gone so wrong. The most frustrating thing for Louis, Harry was sure, was the fact that he had just done a test batch the day before. He had been testing and prepping the recipe all week in preparation for the episode.

They decided it was draping the doughnuts with a cotton towel instead of plastic wrap that had weighed them down, but they still had a few that they might be able to save.

Louis glanced at Harry out of the corner of his eye before turning to the camera to explain what they were going to do. Harry was feeling the effects of the day as his stress began to mount again. He could physically feel the frustration and exhaustion beginning to seep out of his pores. 

Harry was pretty sure he was slipping into a non-verbal headspace. There had never been a better time for Louis to be there so he could do the talking for the both of them.

“Alright, Zaynie, we’re going to do another tester,” Louis sighed. “And then if that falls through, we’ll address plan B.”

The thought of trying something else, anything else, or having to go back to the drawing board, or really having to do anything besides dip a perfectly cooked doughnut into a silky, ribbony chocolate ganache overwhelmed Harry and pushed him over the edge.

“If that falls through, do you want to go get a drink?” He burst out.

Louis’ head snapped to look at him, surprised. As a general rule, the staff of the test kitchen didn’t talk much about their lives off-camera. Harry especially. It was an unwritten rule when they both had started making videos but now was part of the conduct of making videos.

Harry shouldn’t have said it so blatantly. He should have waited until they had cut, but his nerves were so frayed that he didn’t even really care. Besides, Zayn could edit it out later.

Louis was quicker on his feet and did his best to agree but ease them out of the spot Harry had cornered them in as he subtly agreed.

“Oh, I will be drinking tonight.” He took a breath and pivoted back to the matter at hand. “If this test doesn’t work out, we should address our backup plan.”

Harry tried to pull himself together. “Our backup plan is to do it again and pretend like this never happened?”

Louis scoffed. “No, no. We’ll figure it out.”

They decided to try frying off their last “Hail Mary” tester, and Zayn reset so he was filming over their shoulders again.

It failed. Miserably.

Louis had the wherewithal to wrap things up somewhat eloquently by starting to wax poetic about the nature of cooking and how failing is all part of the process.

Harry was so tired that he drifted off to the side to get a sip of water and ended up sitting down on his rolly stool from lunch so he could admire the fact that Louis’ brain cells were still in working condition.

Louis then started explaining to the camera that he had been making the doughnuts perfectly all week leading up to filming and pulled out his phone to show a picture of them to the camera.

Harry wanted to see the picture, but the idea of getting off the stool made him want to melt onto the floor. Instead, he used his heels to roll himself over to the bench.

“Can I see?” 

“Sure,” Louis leaned down so that Harry could see the nice picture he had taken for his Instagram.

“Show the camera,” Harry said. As Louis continued to explain, Harry told him he was going to roll back over to the window.

As he sat back, sipping his water, Louis kept explaining what had gone wrong and kept trying to put a positive uplifting spin on the whole thing.

Caught up in his admiration of his best friend, Harry cut in again. “I think it’ll be okay.”

He didn’t think they were going to be okay, but he was willing to try for Louis.

“Today?” Louis asked.

“It’s still early.” 

Between the two of them they negotiated a time that afternoon to try again before Louis stopped him and turned to Zayn.

“Well, how does that work for you?”

“I’ve got a flight to catch,” Zayn told them both, effectively bringing an end to their planning. They couldn’t keep going without Zayn there to produce and film.

“Now?” Louis asked.

“Yeah, it boards in a couple hours.”

Harry was scandalized. “Oh, Zayn. Go now!” They were within the window of when Zayn should be arriving at the airport, not standing there talking to them. “You should leave.”

When Louis turned to him and asked him how he was doing with Starbursts, Harry glared at him. This was not the time to bring that up. No matter what they did with doughnuts, he absolutely had to finish Starbursts that afternoon, and he still didn’t even know if they were successful or not. He wasn’t sure he could handle another failure.

Just then, out of nowhere, Louis’ phone that was still face up on the counter lit up and pinged with an incoming text message from Eric C.

Eric C. could only be their former colleague who had worked at Bon Appétit until about six months prior when he left to work for a restaurant group that was rapidly expanding in Brooklyn. He was also gay, and had been attracted to Louis. 

Harry had known he wanted to hook up with Louis because the entire office had known he wanted to hook up with Louis, despite the fact that Louis was married. 

Harry stopped short.

Louis had been married at the time. He wasn’t anymore, though.

Momentarily forgetting that the camera was still rolling, Harry nodded to the phone. “He still text you a lot?”

Louis looked down at the phone before looking back at Harry with a sly grin. “Sometimes,” he shrugged.

Louis knew firsthand how annoying Eric was, and how much Harry did not like him at all. 

Harry mostly didn’t like Eric because he had been relentless in his over the top flirting with Louis during work hours. It had been awkward and uncomfortable to witness, and it had gotten so bad that Zayn always either stopped filming or warned Eric not to interact with Louis while he was on camera.

That was a big step to take considering the casual, relaxed, and interactive nature of Bon Appétit’s filming style.

Harry laughed and crossed his arms in front of him on the bench top so he could lean his head down.

Louis coughed dramatically a few times before covering his mic with his hand and bending down so he was closer to Harry. Harry didn’t have the heart to tell him that his mic was still hot, and selfishly he wanted to know what Louis was going to say. Zayn could edit it out later.

“He’s always texted me off and on but he somehow heard about the separation and the filing so lately it’s been more frequent.”

Harry shot up dramatically revealing his mic. “Oh, really?” he asked before breaking down into another fit of giggles.

Louis threw up his hands. “Oh, he’s mic’d! Damnit.” He signed for Zayn to cut with his hand. “Cut! We’re caught!”

Harry was laughing so hard that his eyes started tearing up. He turned away from the camera to dab the corners of his eyes.

Once he pulled himself together, Louis told the camera he was going to make another dough so that the next time Harry came in they could fry them off right away. 

They discussed their schedules for a few more minutes before they gave up and Zayn pointed out, again, that he needed to go catch his flight.

“Alright, alright,” Louis said, putting his hands up to quiet everybody in the immediate area. “We can figure this out later. Come on, Zaynie. Take off. I’ll water the plants while you’re gone.”

Zayn called cut, finally, for the last time on what felt like a mess of a day. Harry reveled in the relief for another moment or two before Liam popped his head around the corner.

“So, are you guys done? Harry, you ready to finish Starbursts?”

Harry felt like his strings had been cut as he fell back onto his rolly stool.

Louis started yelling. “What are you doing, Liam? We can’t have any of that talk right now! We’ve got very important things to discuss.”

Liam rushed away, but Harry knew they had merely kicked the problem down the road and he would have to finish it before the day was done.

“We do?” he sighed.

Louis looked confused for a minute before he understood what Harry was asking. “Right, yes. We do. Drinks? Tonight?”

It had been Harry’s idea in the first place, but now he wasn’t sure he wanted to follow through. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, Harold. Let’s go.” He crossed his arms and leaned back down until they were at eye level again. “Zayn’s going away, and I don’t feel like going home to an empty apartment that isn’t mine for longer than I have to tonight.”

That was a low blow. Louis knew Harry would fall for that argument.

“Fine, okay. Let’s invite everybody.”

Louis clapped his hands together. “That’s what I’m talking about. Two beers, you’ll feel better about all of this, I promise.”

Harry smiled, resting his head down on bench one. “I know, I know. You’ve got to tell everyone, though. I’ve got to finish this.”

Now that the camera was off, Louis freely rubbed his strong hand soothingly across the stiff muscles of Harry’s back for a few seconds. “You can do it, Harold. One last push.”

Harry let his eyes flutter shut to try and hold onto the fleeting relief Louis had provided. “Yeah. I can do it.”

There was a din of chatter as everyone gathered at the elevator bay. Jesy kept loudly proclaiming that she hoped they were going somewhere good for happy hour. Harry was glad they were going, loved when they all got together to do stuff like this, but his headache was quickly catching up to him after the day he had. 

Louis had done his job in spreading the word around to their friends, everyone was definitely ready to go. He stood in the middle of the crowd that had gathered checking his phone to make sure everyone was there who said they wanted to be and fielding the rest of the messages.

Harry leaned back against the wall and let his head rest for a moment against the cool surface to wait. He took an Excedrin before they left the desk area, and he definitely should not mix that with alcohol, he knew that, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped.

Suddenly, the elevator bay went quiet.

Louis was looking at him expectantly. “What do you say, Harold?” 

“Hmm?”

His gaze softened when he realized Harry hadn’t been paying attention. “Your idea, your choice. Where do you want to go?”

“Oh.” Harry didn’t love being the one that chose. No matter what a group was doing, he usually let someone else make the choice and then he would execute that choice to the best of his ability. “Um, we haven’t been to Loophole in awhile?”

He wasn’t in the test kitchen as often, so they could have gone the week before for all he knew, but if that was the case Louis didn’t give anything away. Instead, he clapped his hands together and swung his pointer finger in the air to get everyone to move together as one towards the elevator that said it was only two floors away.

“Let’s go, let’s go!”

The Loophole was a small hole in the wall sort of place that served reimagined classic cocktails. Harry liked it especially on days like the one he had been having because it had dark wooden paneling and soft candlelight and really felt like a quiet neighborhood bar even in the heart of the Financial District. It was popular with other Condé Nast staff in the building and creative types that didn’t necessarily want to go to the sleek modern bars the Wall Street boys went to instead. 

Harry liked it because he could get an interesting cocktail or a nice cold beer depending on his mood, and it was similar to a pub he liked to go to up by his apartment too.

As the group fell out of the elevator together and started the trek to the bar, Harry was observing his coworkers in a sort of aerial way. They were such a great group, it was nice to hang back and watch their dynamic sometimes.

“You’re quiet now, Harold.” Louis snuck up on him.

Harry was quiet, but mostly because he was tired. “Wiped out, but it’ll be nice to relax a little before I head home.”

Louis nudged Harry’s side with his elbow. “That’s the spirit!” he laughed. “We’ll wring you dry, then send you on your way.”

They fell into a comfortable silence until they reached the bar as they all came in and put their things down before dispersing to order at the bar or grab some menus.

Louis managed to end up in the center of the booth against the wall, he always did, but Harry knew he liked it that way because it meant he was able to bounce around between all the different conversations.

Harry settled next to him on the bench and they decided to wait for the waitress to come over to take their order.

Adam, Mitch, and Jade were all engrossed in a discussion about one of the projects they were working on for the upcoming issue on one side while Niall showed Shawn and Liam the newest playlist he had developed. Perrie and Sarah had immediately hit the restrooms, but were back out now chatting with the bartender and looking over the cocktail menu near the bar. 

They all seemed settled there, comfortable. That was why Harry had picked it, even if it wasn’t the trendiest place. Sometimes that was what he needed, and he felt that as “food” people who worked at the forefront of the field, it was good for them to all take a step back.

The waitress came by and Louis ordered something on draft, and insisted on adding Harry’s order to his tab. He ordered a Periodista which he knew was a little boozy but he was only going to have one, maybe two before he headed home.

Ninety minutes later, Harry was still at The Loophole. For people that spent all day every day together, they somehow still all had things to talk about during happy hour.

Sarah and Mitch were the first to leave, and they had just walked out hand in hand. 

When they left, Niall challenged Shawn to a game of darts so he, Liam, and Perrie had all gotten up and gone to the back of the bar. Harry thought Louis was going to join them, but he had lagged behind.

Meanwhile, with Louis paying for his drinks, Harry had lost track of how many he had consumed. He knew he should have paid more attention, and he didn’t think Louis was actively trying to get him drunk—though he had done that before during Harry’s thirtieth birthday party—but he wasn’t actively discouraging the waitress as she kept bringing them fresh drinks.

Louis, too, had been served quite a few pints, though he was notoriously better at holding his liquor than Harry.

And Harry wouldn’t have noticed, either, if he hadn’t gotten up to go to the bathroom after he said goodbye to Sarah and Mitch. Somehow when he was sitting down before, his head was a lot clearer, but now everything was starting to get fuzzy around the edges.

Louis had leaned both his elbows on the table in front of him. The cuff of his flannel shirt was rolled back a few times until it wrapped around his forearm cutting off right at the back feathers of his large bird tattoo.

Louis was real and rugged in a way that a lot of Harry’s other New York City friends weren’t. He loved the outdoors, and didn’t really bother with his style all that much. He had style, he just valued function over what was coming off the pages of the latest magazine. In the back of Harry’s mind, he sometimes managed to admit to himself that when he fantasized about a partner, the amorphous blob was a lot like Louis. Someone attractive but real that had a positive outlook on life.

That was why he was struggling with the concept of his divorce. Harry knew that Louis and Tyler weren’t the most ideal match Harry had ever seen. They seemed like complete polar opposites, which he knew was sometimes the thing that drew couples together, “opposites attract” and all that, but sometimes with couples it felt as though they were so far apart, they were operating on two different planes. 

All that being said, Harry was still having trouble reconciling the idea of Tyler actually making the decision to separate from Louis. If Harry had someone like Louis, he wouldn’t let him go.

Unfortunately, Harry was just drunk enough to take a deep breath and open his mouth to ask him. It was just the two of them at the table, what was the harm?

“Why did Tyler—” 

Louis turned to look at him, but Harry got cut off by the front door of the bar tingling open and someone sidling up to their table.

“Hey, boys. How are we this evening?”

Harry felt dread wash over him. Eric. 

It wasn’t even that Harry hated Eric all that much, he usually tolerated him just fine, but the whole point of their happy hour outing was to relax, and Harry could feel the burden of interacting with an annoying person creep up on him in anticipation.

True to form, the second Eric sat down it was like Harry ceased to exist. To him, at least.

As Eric droned on about how amazing his life was at his new job, Louis made sure to bump his arm against Harry’s as a subtle, steady acknowledgement of his presence even if he couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

Eric did his best to flirt and bat his eyelashes at Louis, complimenting the content he had coming out and talking about all of the videos he had watched recently. Louis was barely responding, being pretty short with him. Harry knew how Louis felt about Eric, but Eric clearly couldn’t take the hint that he was unwelcome, making sure to brush his hand across Louis’ arm in an overly-familiar way.

Harry rolled his lips together watching, probably a little too intently, the spot on Louis’ forearm he kept touching. 

Whatever. His gut was beginning to roll, but he didn’t feel sick. Maybe he needed to stop drinking.

“So, Louis,” Eric preened. “Do you and Tyler still have that adorable place in Park Slope?” 

Oh.

Harry could feel Louis tense beside him. Obviously not many people knew about the divorce, he had only recently told Harry, but word was starting to spread a little bit. Mostly from Niall. He wondered how Louis was going to tell Eric, because it was dangerous giving someone like that so much ammunition. It was both the juiciest sort of gossip and a perceived green light for his flirting to lead to something more.

Uncomfortable now, Harry wanted to see what time it was but didn’t want to interrupt the moment to check the time on his phone.

Louis glanced to his side and made eye contact with Harry for a brief moment before turning back to Eric. 

“I’m actually staying in Jersey City with Zayn for a while right now,” he said as vaguely as he possibly could.

Harry could see on Eric’s face that he was concentrating so hard on the mental image of Louis and Zayn that he missed the lede. He wondered if Louis did it on purpose.

Finally, it clicked. 

“Just you?”

Louis nodded, his mouth drawn tight. “Yep. Well, me and Zayn.”

Eric’s eyebrows raised up into his hairline and his gaze flicked to Harry for the first time since the conversation began as if to question the veracity of what Louis was saying. Or maybe he just wanted to know if Harry already knew.

Harry did his best to keep his face passive. Yes, he knew, and yes, he supported Louis, and no, he wasn’t going to give Eric any more information than Louis wanted to share.

“So you and Tyler have…” Harry could tell that Eric didn’t want to be the first person to say the word. He also knew Louis, and he knew Louis was going to make him squirm a bit.

As Harry’s gaze darted back and forth between the two of them like the world’s most awkward tennis match, he waited for Louis to finally give into the pregnant pause.

“Yeah, we’ve split.”

When Harry was younger he used to watch this show called Lie to Me where a man read people’s expressions to try and see if they were lying. The character would talk about little, subtle ways people could advertise their true intentions with their expressions that they didn’t give away with their words.

Eric was not that subtle. The corners of his mouth turned up into a smile so quickly, even as he attempted to be contrite in what he was saying.

He laid his hand fully flat, curved around Louis’ forearm in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Lou-Lou. That’s tough.” 

Lou-Lou? Harry just barely bit back a grimace.

In what looked like a casual mood, Louis drew his hand back, dislodging Eric’s grip.

Eric simpered at him in put-upon sympathy and pressed his palm flat to his chest. “Do you want to talk about it? You know you can tell me anything.”

Louis shook his head. “Not really, if that’s alright.”

“Right, right. Of course,” Eric flicked his hand dismissively as though he himself was ridiculous for even asking. “Tonight is supposed to be fun! We don’t want to sit here wasting away in the corner like a Debbie Downer.”

Even if it wasn’t a direct dig at Harry, it felt like one. He was known as the office homebody, and he had been the one who chose to stay seated at the table with Louis. They were having a great conversation before Eric came around. Eric always had such a negative effect on Harry’s self-doubt.

“Yep,” Louis nodded noncommittally. “Hey, uh. I feel bad, bud. Niall, Shawn, Liam, Perrie, they’re all here too. I don’t think you even had a chance to say hello to them yet at all.”

There was no polite way for Eric to decline greeting them and he recognized it too.

Louis nodded to the darts game. “Me and Harry will meet you over there in a bit.”

Eric agreed and lifted himself gracefully out of the dingy, lacquered wood chair and glided across the room.

Harry shouldn’t project his own dislike of Eric onto Louis’ feelings, but he thought he felt their combined relief, not just his. He knew Louis had been uncomfortable with Eric’s lack of boundaries before, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like the guy.

“I’m glad he doesn’t work with us any more.” 

Harry snorted and covered his eyes with one hand. There was no way he could look at Louis in that moment without bursting out into hysterical laughter. As it was, some giggles escaped.

When he finally calmed down Harry lowered his hand to find Louis staring at him contemplatively. “How are you doing, Harold? Want another drink?” He nodded to indicate Harry’s empty glass.

If Harry had another one, he wouldn’t be able to get home.

“No, no. I should head out soon.”

Most people they worked with would complain and beg him to stay out a little while longer, but Louis just watched him for another moment before standing up and maneuvering out of the bench. Harry took his cue and stood up as well. 

That was when all of the cocktails he had made themselves known in a variety of ways. His head swam for a second and his bladder screamed. He should go to the bathroom and splash some water on his face before he left.

“Woah,” Louis said, coming around the table quickly and holding a hand out to steady Harry. 

Harry waved him off. “I’ll be good, just got to pee.”

After, he felt a bit more refreshed, and when he left the bathroom Louis was over by the dart section hugging Perrie. Harry felt rude leaving without saying goodbye even though all of his instincts were screaming for him to just leave.

“I’m going to head out guys,” Harry called over the hubbub of the game. Everyone turned and cried out all at the same time, but because it was a group they didn’t push him as much as they could have one on one.

To his surprise, when he began moving towards the exit, Louis moved with him. “What are you doing?”

Louis looked taken aback. “Taking you home? What does it look like I’m doing?”

Harry immediately protested, even as Louis had a hand on his back pushing him out the door. “You can’t do that, Louis, you’re going all the way to Jersey!”

“Alright, drunky,” the din of downtown had been muffled in the bar, but now there was a pleasant hum of noise accompanying them. Because the days were getting longer and longer there was still a touch of twilight in the air. “It’s only eight o’clock and I’m only going to Jersey City. That’s the beauty of happy hour. Calm down.”

“But not from my place!”

Louis hooked his hand in Harry’s elbow and began dragging him in the direction of the station. “Come on, let’s go.”

It’s a nice night out, so Louis turns uptown towards Tribeca and they begin to walk in a peaceful, easy silence.

They pass by a small park right at Chambers Street where they probably should have gotten on the train, but both of them keep walking. Normally, Harry would have loved to stop and sit for a minute in that little park because there were a couple of nice benches in it, but it was Manhattan so it was under construction.

There were five more blocks before they hit the next station, and Harry was sobering up but he was still just drunk enough that it had loosened his tongue.

“You know Eric is never going to leave you alone now.”

Louis blew his breath out on a laugh. “Yeah,” he sighed. “I know. I’m just irresistible that way, I guess.”

Harry couldn’t stop himself from shoving Louis halfway across the wide sidewalk on West Broadway. It wasn’t his fault, Louis deserved it.

“I’m serious, Lou.”

Louis was still laughing a bit but he tried to keep a straight face. “I know, I know. He flirts, and it’s weird, but it’s relatively harmless.”

“I think you should say something. Especially now that you’re single.” Harry hadn’t meant to be so callous about the statement, but he could see the moment when it sobered Louis even more. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Shrugging, Louis waved him off. “No, no it’s okay. It’s just weird to think about it like that. Because I am. Single.”

The question Harry wanted to ask him before Eric interrupted them earlier began bubbling up again, unbidden.

“Why did Tyler do it?” Damn alcohol. Prohibition was beginning to make more sense by the minute.

Louis began intensely studying the sidewalk. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how could he leave you? You?” Harry asked hysterically. He stopped dead in his tracks, overwhelmed by his confusion and Louis stopped with him. “As someone who is perpetually looking for the last good, available man in any of the five boroughs, I can’t imagine having someone like you and letting them go.”

Louis didn’t say anything for a while and too late, Harry realized how overly dramatic he was being.

“I, um,” Louis squinted away from Harry towards the glittering high rises of midtown. “I appreciate the sentiment, Harold, but I think we were just too… different.”

It was a plausible explanation for him to give, but it was still too simplistic to be a real answer. 

Not that Louis owed Harry anything, he just wanted to understand. Louis was still mulling it over and Harry could practically see the gears turning in his head as they walked.

So, they walked some more. Harry wanted to give him some space and not interrupt his thought process but by the time they reached Franklin Street, Louis began nudging him towards the station. Harry didn’t think Louis was really going to go all the way uptown with him, but it was clear when he actually swiped his way through to the main part of the station that he was intent on it.

It wasn’t until they were standing on the platform waiting that Louis broke the silence. 

“I think what I admired about him at first was that he was so different from me. He liked all of the parties and entertaining and going to things. Glamorous things. With us,” he gestured wildly between the two of them, but Harry knew what he meant. “When I somehow managed to get a job at BA and I was effectively washing dishes, it was too sophisticated for me even then.”

Harry wanted to interrupt and protest, but Louis was on a roll. 

“I’m a pretty simple guy. And then I met Tyler, and he’s— Well, he was almost… aspirational. He was the partner that fit with this new life, especially after the videos took off.”

Louis had more to say, Harry could see, but just then the train came rushing into the station. Thankfully, the break in the conversation didn’t deter him. The train was pretty clear so they had plenty of room to sit down.

“After I got promoted and the videos were doing well, and then I got promoted again, it was…” Louis scrubbed his hand over his face as he readjusted on the hard plastic bench. “Everything about me and Tyler made sense on paper. But maybe that was the only place it made sense.”

Harry hummed his agreement but didn’t say anything else, lest he ruin the moment. Louis was an emotional guy, but it wasn’t very often that he actually expressed what was brewing deep down inside him. It helped that he and Zayn had a weird telepathic thing happening so he probably didn’t have to verbalize everything like this on a regular basis. 

“What about you, Harold?” Louis finally said after they had gone a few more stops.

He was thrown by the question. “What do you mean, what about me?”

Louis leaned in closer. “You said you’re looking for the ‘last good, available man in the five boroughs.’ What does he look like for you?”

Being single in New York in his late twenties—and being raised by strong women—meant that Harry got that question a lot. So often, in fact, that he had a stock answer.

“I just want to find someone nice.”

Louis looked at him with skepticism splashed across his face plain as day. “Nice? What kind of description is that.”

“I mean,” Harry huffed and nudged Louis so he would stop teasing him. “There’s so much drama. Everyone knows everyone who worked with so-and-so and it becomes such a big giant tangled web that people get hurt from all the back and forth. So I just want someone nice.”

There was one beat of silence, then another. 

“You do talk some shit, don’t you?”

Harry honked out a laugh disturbing everyone else in the car around them, but Louis’ instincts were quicker and he slapped a hand over Harry’s mouth. 

“Shh, Harold!” he whisper-shouted as all the other passengers looked at them with the same mild annoyance that New Yorkers directed at everyone. 

Harry’s lips tingled under the warmth of Louis’ palm, and that was something he just didn’t have the energy or brain power in himself to explore right then, so he did the only thing he could think of in the moment.

“Ew! Did you just lick me?” Louis drew his hand back in a flash.

Harry, meanwhile, was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. Soon after that, Louis was also doubled over trying not to make too much of a commotion.

When they pulled into the next station Harry checked where they were. There were only a few more stops until 86th.

Now that the heavier moment had been alleviated, their conversation lightened considerably. It was purely small talk from there on out, even as they climbed up from underground and turned west to get to Harry’s place.

At the base of his stoop, Louis paused.

Harry had already hopped up a step, but he felt the halt in Louis’ movement so he turned back around.

Harry’s street was quiet, for New York at least, and the breeze picked up blowing Louis’ soft bangs off his face for a moment as he looked up at Harry.

There was something new in his eyes that Harry had never seen before. He had seen it in other people, but never in Louis. It was anticipation. 

When Harry first started at Bon Appétit, when he didn’t know anyone, he had seen Louis across the room for the first time and had developed a little bit of a crush on him. Immediate infatuation, that was it, nothing crazy. Louis didn’t wear his wedding ring at work when he was cooking, so Harry had no idea.

After he learned about Louis’ fiancee he forced himself to stop thinking about Louis in that way. Crushing on someone else’s spouse wasn’t wrong necessarily, but by then he had gotten to know Louis and they clicked almost immediately so he wanted to keep Louis in his life. There was no way for him to harbor a crush and still manage to look Louis or Tyler in the eye when he saw them, so he tamped it down.

Over time his crush got easier and easier to suppress. He and Louis became best friends, then they started doing videos together. The channel grew so exponentially that it was a lot to handle all at once, so Harry let himself forget.

But now he and Louis were there, standing on his stoop in the moonlight, both still tipsy from their drinks at the bar.

And Louis was looking at him the way Harry had first imagined he would way back when on his first day at Bon Appétit when all he saw was the attractive, capable man who commanded attention in any room he walked into.

Except that man had been taken. 

The word “rebound” started playing on ticker tape across the bottom of Harry’s consciousness. 

He didn’t want to be Louis’ rebound.

With everything in him, Harry hopped off the step back onto the sidewalk. Before Louis had the chance to do anything they might both regret, Harry threw his arms around his neck and pressed their bodies together in a fierce hug, taking away the choice.

“Thanks for walking me home, Lou. You really didn’t have to do that.”

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s ribcage and splayed his hands flat across his back rubbing comfortingly. Louis gave the best hugs.

“Of course, Harold.”

Selfishly, Harry didn’t want to let go. He wanted to stand there and be held by Louis for as long as he would allow. So he did.

There was no telling how long they stood there on 89th St. just holding each other.

Finally, Louis pulled away. “I should get home.”

Harry nodded, drawing his hands back into him holding himself around the waist to keep the warmth a little bit longer.

“Goodnight, Lou.”

Louis smiled at him, the charming sideways smile he had sometimes when he was holding something back. “Go on, Harold. Get upstairs. I’ll call an Uber.”

Harry nodded before climbing the rest of the steps to the front door and unlocking it. He waved one last time from the window in the door, but Louis just shooed him up.

When he finally got upstairs, he made it to the window just in time to see a car pull up and Louis climb into it before it drove off.