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I hopelessly, so helplessly, wonder why
Everything's gotta change, around me, mhmm
I'd tell it to your face, but you lost your face along the way
And I'd say it on the phone, if I thought you were alone
Why do things have to change?
We all decided it was better this way. I still can’t figure out why or who exactly decided. I never felt like I truly got my say in the matter, but that was my fault and no one else. If only I’d said something, told him how I really felt, that I didn’t want to leave. I’m such a coward. I told myself I was waiting for him to come to his senses or that I was giving him the chance to decide what made him truly happy. But in the end I didn’t like the choice and it seemed I had only myself to blame. I felt the light of time envelope me, take me back to my side, my family, my era… It’s not my home. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I lost my chance to claim the Sengoku Jidai as home when I didn’t put up a fight against Inuyasha’s suggestion - no… Inuyasha’s demand - that I go back home to my time.
“The jewel is safer in Kagome’s era,” he said, “Kagome’s safer in her time.” I didn’t buy any of it for a minute. He just wanted me gone. I was a painful reminder of everything he’d lost, all that he could have had with another woman who was completely gone, dead for the last time. I didn’t used to be so bitter about his feelings toward Kikyou. I used to be understanding and supportive, if not a little jealous… I’d even saved her from Naraku’s poisonous miasma after we’d all thought she was dead, received her bow when she passed on, promised to carry out the mission of caring for the Shikon. But that was when I thought he cared about me too and could learn to love me like he once loved her. I learned my mistake quickly enough.
Naraku was dead. I thought that would mean we could finally be honest with each other and we would have our happily ever after. Instead, the more jewel shards we found as we finished out our quest, the more distant he became. I started lying about sensing Shikon no kakera in hopes that the gaping chasm between us would close once more, only to endure his shouting when he found out indirectly that I had been withholding information through Miroku. The monk didn’t mean to get me in trouble, but he couldn’t help noticing that by the time he could feel the shards with his limited awareness of them, I still had said nothing. I should have told the others what was happening. But I thought they saw it! I knew Sango did and Shippou became increasingly frustrated with Inuyasha on a daily basis for shutting me out. He never said anything to me, but sometimes I overheard him shouting at the inuhanyou for being a baka and being mean to me. His heart was in the right place but it only seemed to make things worse.
As the months trudged on I knew we were nearing the end of my usefulness in the past. Sango tried to get me to talk to Inuyasha about his persisting avoidance but just thinking about the possible rejection forced me to tears. I was falling apart and there wasn’t anything to keep me together anymore. My appetite faded. I couldn’t force food down when he was there, pretending I didn’t exist, and if he left to sulk elsewhere I couldn’t eat knowing he was putting all the more distance between us. At least if he would have yelled at me or something I could have seen if his eyes matched his words… but he wouldn’t even look at me. He spoke of me rarely and if he even mentioned my name it was to the others as an afterthought. Inuyasha was forcibly removing me from his life.
So when the jewel was completed and the fate of the Shikon no Tama was discussed, I more or less kept my mouth shut. I was the tool to find it, not instrumental in its future. Miroku and Sango tried to get my input, but all I could summon the strength to say was I would agree with whatever they decided. It shocked me when Inuyasha was the one to suggest it go with me into the future. It hadn’t occurred to me that he would ever let it out of his sight, let alone into another time entirely with me as its keeper.
“If that’s what you all want,” I’d agreed in a whisper. Sango looked like she wanted to throw something heavy and damaging at the hanyou sitting across from her and Miroku had stared worriedly at me. Shippou simply sat in silence in my lap, tears trailing down his cheeks. I knew it was a softened version of the truth, a lie to make it seem like he cared more about my safety than never seeing me again. But I knew. In my heart I knew. The love of my life, the hanyou I had freed and allowed to capture my heart, wanted nothing more to do with me.
As I landed in my own time at the bottom of the well I sat and just breathed. I couldn’t cry anymore, so I simply sat, numbly waiting for my legs to start working again. I had to climb out sometime, but at that moment all I could think of was the way Inuyasha hadn’t even bothered to come say goodbye. I’d felt him nearby, but he hadn’t left the trees, staying hidden. I’d wanted to at least remove the kotodama beads but he wouldn’t even let me close enough for that. So I left it up to Kaede to remove the beads... provided she even could anymore. My farewells with my friends had been strained and tear-filled. Sango had broken down as soon as we were in view of the well and even Miroku let a few tears slip free when he hugged me. Shippou was a mess before we even left Kaede’s hut. “Be strong Shippou. I love you,” I’d whispered in his ear as I hugged him goodbye. His little lip quivered but he bit back his sobs and nodded. Kirara nuzzled my cheek and chirped a farewell to me before curling up around Sango’s neck to comfort her distraught mistress.
Now they were gone. Five hundred years in the past with no way to reach them again. The well was still open, but no longer welcoming to me. Inuyasha made it quite clear that I was not to come back through it, though he never said it to me directly. “If the woman ever comes back, I’m throwing her back down the well like I did the first time,” he threatened Miroku once when the monk had tried to understand the inuhanyou’s decision concerning my departure with the Shikon no Tama. No one seemed to understand but me.
You don't need my pictures on your wall
You say you need no one
And you don't need my secret midnight call
I guess you need no one
Three months had passed since I left the feudal era and all of my friends… my second family. My grandfather was adamant about sealing the well, but I couldn’t. There was a tiny seed of hope that maybe he would change his mind and at least come to say goodbye. I still hung onto that hope even after I’d finished school. I worked around the shrine most of the time, sweeping up, helping people who were looking for gifts in the shop, trying fruitlessly to purify the Shikon no Tama out of existence. Performing duties around the shrine was necessary but it only reminded me of the woman I had tried so hard for three years not to resemble.
I also got a part-time job at a local grocery store to bring in extra cash to help my family. It felt like such a let down after all my great hopes for a future either as… something… in my era or with Inuyasha in the past. Obviously the latter was completely out of the question. I wasn’t even allowed to think about him that way anymore if I had any hope of moving on. However, none of my efforts in the last three months to forget him, or my friends, had been a success in any sense of the word. They were too ingrained in my heart, too much a part of my thoughts to just pretend they didn’t exist. I wasn’t like some people…
People came and went in the grocery store. There were some familiar faces, neighbors I’d known since I was a child who looked pityingly upon me, and people who I didn’t know until I started working there who gave me much the same look. I felt angry, sometimes. They didn’t know anything about me. How dare they make assumptions about me! But then the self-pity returned and I felt myself seeing what they saw. A too-thin girl with no spirit and no aspirations for the future. I just wanted to go back to the times when I felt needed, when there was at least one person who thought I was worth something more than a carton of cigarettes from behind the counter.
My mother tried to be supportive, encouraging me to talk about my pain in order to release it. But I couldn’t. If I talked about it I would admit to it and therefore let myself fall into the depression my heartache would cause. She suggested I take some classes at the university, just to see what it was like. I couldn't muster up the enthusiasm.
Sometimes I sat at the base of Goshinboku and simply felt. I wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t laugh, nothing. I just reached out my soul and tried to feel for anything in connection with the past through that tree. The first few months I didn’t feel anything except my own loneliness, the heartache I hid throughout the rest of the day. Four months after my departure I felt something new. It wasn’t really a feeling, more like a whisper of sound. I thought I was going crazy until my heart seemed to resonate with emotion in the echo.
It was a howl of despair, pure and simple. I knew the feeling completely. My heart reached out to whomever it was, hoping to somehow soothe their soul. What I didn’t expect was a startled yelp and for the presence to suddenly disappear. I stayed away from the tree for a couple of days after that. I went about my business, worked diligently in the shrine, saying the prayers I’d known since childhood and bagging groceries for tottering old ladies at the store. Finally working up the nerve, I went back to the trunk of Goshinboku. It took a while for me to settle down and let myself fall into the meditative trance I’d taken to using when I sat at its base. For a long time I didn’t hear or feel anything. I figured I had either imagined the last time or that maybe I was trying too hard now. So I relaxed and tried not to think about the presence I’d felt before at all.
All of a sudden it swamped me. The pain this person felt, the longing, the loneliness, it was undeniable and nearly unbearable. I thought maybe it was a lost soul inside the tree, one that had been trapped inside its powerful spiritual pull for years. But I quickly realized that I knew this soul, that it was utterly familiar to me. Inuyasha. My heart cried for him, knowing it was he who was hurting. Had he finally pushed everyone out of his life so that he was once again alone? Why would he still be anywhere near the tree? I thought for a moment that he might be dead and that his previous imprisonment to that very tree meant his soul had been rebound there, a tortured and miserable eternity. Only worse than the eternity in hell with Kikyou he'd thought he was in for in that he would be utterly alone. A stronger whisper caught my attention, a call of my name, a cry for my soul. It nearly sucked me from my body. “Kagome,” it whimpered clearly in Inuyasha’s voice. I sucked in a startled breath, grasping for that cry and hoping to get the attention of the one who uttered it. The mists of time billowed at my feet, my knees. The very same that wrapped around me when I was separated from Inuyasha years ago, thinking I’d killed him under the power of that awful moth demon. He’d called out to me then and I couldn’t help hoping he was doing the same now.
“Inuyasha,” I whispered, not knowing if he would hear me or if he was a figment of my overtaxed mind. I felt the same startled emotion as the first time I’d felt him through the God tree several days before. He said nothing in response, but I could feel him wondering if he’d gone crazy. “Are you in Goshinboku back home?” I asked him, hoping to make him see that I was as real as I hoped he was.
“Hai,” he breathed. I gave a sigh of relief. “Kagome…” His voice was uncertain in my head and I could imagine his eyes darting back and forth as he looked for a way out of the awkward situation. So he left. I felt the connection forcibly rupture, the soothing feeling of his soul touching mine completely gone. He’d obviously leaped from the branches to escape me. My heart broke just a little more. For a single solitary moment I’d thought he missed me, that he regretted sending me away. Then the moment was gone and so was he. I hardly hoped to feel the touch of his heart on mine again.
Is anybody waiting at home for you?
‘Cause it's time that will tell if it's heaven if it's hell or if it's
Anybody waiting at home for you
‘Cause it's time that will tell this tale
It took me several weeks before I could even approach the tree once more. Jii-chan kept me plenty busy and I had picked up some shifts for a coworker at the store whose uncle was sick or something. She probably wanted more time at the mall but who was I to judge? I found excuses of my own to avoid going near the Goshinboku and nearly convinced myself that I hadn’t felt what I had. It made the rejection that much harder to handle if I believed Inuyasha had actually spoken to me.
I hadn’t slept much the last month, which wasn’t anything new since I returned to the shrine for good, but in the last few days I’d slept all the way through the night. I watched carefully to make sure my family wasn’t slipping me anything, since that would be just the kind of helpful intervention they would partake in. Nothing. I still slept like a baby. I wasn’t having the nightmares anymore. They weren’t nightmares so much as... Memories. Memories of the cold treatment I’d received from a man I had and still loved with all my heart. They grew and contorted into horrific scenes where Inuyasha would let me die, let someone take me away, all because he couldn’t stand the sight of me. None of them had plagued me in nearly four days.
Part of me was curious and I finally took the Jewel of Four Souls out of the box I had it in, hidden deep in my closet. A pretty mundane place to keep such a holy and dangerous artifact, but it did the job well enough. As soon as I touched the box I knew something was different. The Shikon no Tama didn’t feel or look as polluted as it had the last time I’d looked at it. I’d noticed as my dreams became more vivid and horrible that the color of the jewel had darkened. In an attempt to keep my dark thoughts from affecting the jewel I’d stopped wearing it around my neck. It didn’t do any good. So I was surprised when I saw that it was lighter and I hadn’t even touched it. I sat and pondered this for a long time, thinking light and happy thoughts and seeing the jewel lighten. But the shadow wasn’t gone. I sighed and returned it to its place for safekeeping and went outside to begin my morning duties at the shrine.
That afternoon I was working at the grocery store, helping an older gentleman pick out the right kind of flour for his daughter’s birthday cake when an extremely familiar shade of red caught my attention. I nearly dropped the bag of flour on the floor when a flash of silver accompanied the crimson. Dashing to the end of the aisle, I looked around, hoping to see it again. Nothing. I had to apologize to the man and ring him up while he grumbled about flighty young women. I kept my frown to myself and tried to breathe deeply. I had not seen Inuyasha’s fire-rat haori in my store and I most certainly hadn’t heard the slapping of bare feet on the linoleum before the little doorbell tinkled. But the hallucination followed me throughout the day and into the night. I envisioned that the hanyou of my dreams came into my job, whisking me away and taking me back to the Sengoku Jidai, claiming that was where I belonged, with him.
The next day I couldn’t stay away from the Goshinboku even if I had wanted to. I had the day off at the store and I finished all my chores around the shrine as early as possible in order to have as much time to myself as I could since I so rarely did anymore. It terrified me, the prospect of reaching out through the haze of time to touch someone who had been so real to me nearly half a year ago but was now hardly more than a silver, red and gold phantom in my dreams. I had no reason to believe that sitting at the base of Goshinboku would guarantee I would be able to talk to Inuyasha again.
Needless to say I was surprised to feel his youki almost immediately. Almost to the point that I was drowning in it. I hardly realized I was crying from the mere familiar comfort of it surrounding me, the warmth it gave my heart. The rumble of soft growling dragged me from my tears. “Don’t cry, you know I hate it when you cry,” came a raspy whisper. I practically stopped breathing. It took some reaching to visualize him, my hanyou, and I saw him leaning somewhat uncomfortably against the trunk of the great tree, the claws of one hand digging slightly into its bark. He looked just as I knew he would if he could tell I was crying. Twitchy and agitated.
“Inuyasha…” He shifted his weight from foot to foot, turning his face away from me even as I moved closer. “I… How are you?” I sighed, avoiding the things I wanted to ask. Like had I really seen him the day before? Why had he chosen for me to leave his side? The reality was that I wasn’t ready to know the answer to either of those questions yet. He leaned back against the trunk of the tree, arms folded across his chest in his classic pose.
“Keh, I’m fine,” he snorted. The simple knowledge that he sounded the same almost brought me to tears again. I wanted to reach out and touch him, have him hold me and tell me it was all a mistake, that he hadn’t meant to send me home. I couldn’t risk him pulling away again though, so I kept my distance. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have responsibilities and things?” he grumbled, flicking his gaze to mine for a second. A wan smile lifted the corner of my mouth, trying to make him think I was completely fine.
He knew though, just like he always did, when I was lying, even if I didn’t say anything. I tried a new tactic. “I’m busy a lot I guess. This is the only place I get to relax. I didn’t expect to find you here,” I told him honestly.
“You look worn out. Are they working you too hard?” he asked in what he seemed to think was a nonchalant tone. I could hear the concern in his voice. Where was the indifference I’d been forced to endure all that time before I left? What had happened to the cruel rejection of my presence? This had to be my imagination, I decided. He was just like I wanted to remember him, not the way he’d been when I left. He jumped when I began pulling myself away. “Oi Ka... Wench, where do you think you’re going?” he barked at me, reaching out to grab my arm but finding his fingers went through me. This wasn’t like the last time we did this. He’d been able to embrace me then, hold me to his soul and tell me he needed me. “Kagome!” he shouted, trying his hardest to call me back. But I knew it had to be a dream, a hallucination. Inuyasha didn’t want me around, didn’t even want to have to look at my face. I had to have fallen asleep under Goshinboku and it was trying to soothe my mind with its pure aura. But I was broken. And as I sat sobbing under the once comforting branches of the God tree, I finally admitted it.
You're in and out, up and down
Wonder if you're lost or found
But I got my hands on you
Are you strong enough to tow the line?
Are you gonna make me yours?
Or do I make you mine?
I'm in and out I'm up and down
Wonder if I'm lost or found
But I need your hands on me now
Nothing could make me go near the tree for weeks. Jii-chan had to make Sota sweep the path around it simply to keep the fallen leaves away. My brother would often comment on the exact radius around the tree that I wouldn’t tread. “It’s like she thinks it’s gonna eat her if she gets within a meter or two,” he told my mother one morning in the kitchen when he didn’t know I was in earshot. He wasn’t entirely wrong. I knew that if I got too close it would draw me into its spell once more and I would be lost to the dreams it wanted to comfort me with. My nightmares had returned with a vengeance, barely letting me sleep through the night on most occasions. I wouldn’t even look at the Shikon for fear of how badly tainted it was. I said my prayers over it every morning and every night but I knew they were useless at this point. Working double shifts at the store meant I only helped around the shrine in the mornings. The less time I spent near the tree and the well, the less tempted I would be to let the pleasant fantasies swallow me whole.
One night I’d had a particularly horrid dream. Not only was I cast out by the hanyou I cared so deeply for, I then had to helplessly watch him be sucked into the pits of hell, or at least what I remembered them to look like. It was not what I would call pleasant. I woke up choking on a scream, sweat covering me and my body shivering from the chill of it. I gave in. Taking my comforter from my bed and wrapping it tightly around my shoulders I snuck out of the house and down to the main part of the shrine.
Goshinboku towered over everything, the boughs nearly bare as autumn’s chill winds shook the branches free of their leaves. It looked dead, yet I could feel its warmth from where I stood several steps away. Not able to withstand the more chilling fear that had taken hold of me, I knelt at the foot of the tree and wept, pressing one hand against its rough bark. “Inuyasha,” I cried aloud, needing to feel the comfort of his youki, his presence more than anything in the world. I felt nothing. There was nothing. All the contact with Inuyasha through the Tree of the Ages had been completely in my head. I had nothing left of that past.
Arms came around me and I assumed they were my mother’s, knowing I’d slipped out and urging me back into the house. Then the strength that lay just barely hidden under them caught my attention and I struggled. These were the arms of a man and certainly no old man either. How could I have been so stupid? There was no way Higurashi Kagome would be kidnapped or raped on her own shrine grounds!
“Oi! Knock that shit off!” The gruff tone woke me from my mindless rage, startled me from my flailing. Inuyasha. I looked over my shoulder and saw hair as inky as mine surrounding a pale and handsome face. His human night. I broke down then and there, turning in his arms and sobbing noisily into his chest. He said nothing for a long time, simply holding me and allowing me the comfort he obviously knew I needed. When he shivered faintly, I realized that he was nearly as vulnerable to the cold as I was. His firerat haori provided some protection, but it wasn’t as all-weather repellent as it was when his youki was awake and active. “Come on, let’s get you inside,” he muttered, ignoring his own discomfort and blaming it on mine. I was still too upset to even think of rolling my eyes at him and allowed him to lead me silently back to my room.
Neither of us spoke as I sat with my knees to my chest on the bed, a dry blanket wrapped around me. Inuyasha stood near the window, watching the wisps of clouds float through the moonless sky.
“Why did you come?” my voice slipped from my lips, hoarse from my crying. He flinched at my question and I watched him glance at me out of the corner of his vision. I didn’t need to see his deep violet eyes. I knew them like I knew my own heart, probably better. No matter the shade - indigo, amber, scarlet with turquoise irises - I knew those eyes. He was torn with telling me the truth and trying not to upset me, that much was obvious. Either way, I was more than likely going to end up in tears so he may as well be honest with me while he was at it. “Please just tell me the truth,” I begged him quietly.
“The first time, I just… I had to make sure you were alright. I had no guarantees that nothing would happen to you here, just that it was safer than on my side of the well.” Turning from the window he began slowly pacing the rug in front of my bed. I stared blankly at my knees, unable to watch his graceful movements back and forth. Even as a human he was powerful. “When I felt you through Goshinboku, I-I panicked Kagome,” he whispered, stopping to look at me before continuing to pace. I shuddered, hearing him say my name. It had been so long. Even longer since he actually addressed me instead of speaking about me like one would an aunt who no one particularly cares for. “You’re so skinny,” he told me with a grim look, coming to crouch in front of me. I looked away so he wouldn’t see my embarrassment, wouldn’t see that I knew how true it was.
“Why are you here?” I reiterated, hoping he would be distracted from my appearance and just tell me. Was something wrong in the past? Had he finally come for the jewel so the well would truly close? So many things raced through my head that I didn’t understand Inuyasha when he answered me the first time in a quiet tone. “What?” He glowered at me before sighing deeply, running his hands over long black hair. He had it tied back, which was something entirely new. It made him look older, more mature, and deep underneath my emotional pain I fell in love with him a little more.
“I heard you crying,” he whispered, barely looking past my knees into my face. He seemed just as uncomfortable as before when he’d seen me cry, only it was more acute. His fidgeting was worse, his inability to look me in the eye more pronounced. He knew he was the cause of my suffering and I could see it tearing him apart. “I’m sorry Kagome,” he mumbled as he stood. I knew he was about to leave again and I panicked. Throwing myself from the bed and against his chest stopped him from turning away while his arms came up to hold me, though his startled “oomph” let me know he hadn’t been expecting my attack. I whimpered for him not to leave into his chest, begging him to not to abandon me again. “I can’t stay, Kagome. I’ve done too much already.” I didn’t understand him at all and I continued to cling to him, becoming someone I didn’t like but clueless as to what else to do.
He must have realized I didn’t plan on letting go, so he settled to the floor with his back against my bed, simply holding me. I couldn’t even remember how long it had been since I last touched him, let alone since he last held me in any kind of an embrace. It was surreal in a way. I started to think I was imagining things again, that I had fallen asleep and died of hypothermia under the boughs of Goshinboku. Inuyasha adjusting to get more comfortable woke me from that delusion and I realized that I couldn’t sit with him like this forever, as much as the idea appealed to me. “Why couldn’t you just let me be your friend, Inuyasha? Why wouldn’t you let me stay?” I asked him finally, choking on the words. He sighed deeply, a soft rumble resonating in his throat that mimicked his usual growl fairly well for a human.
“It isn’t safe for you back there.” Frustrated, I pushed against his chest, trying to force him to release me. His arms tightened to hold me close but I pushed again and fell unceremoniously on my butt. “Kagome…” he spoke softly as he started reaching out for me. But I couldn’t let myself fall back into his arms if he didn’t want me there.
“No. Why can’t you just be honest with me? Tell me you don’t want me around so I know for sure,” I sobbed. He scowled fiercely, crossing the distance between us and gripping my arms tightly. “I can’t stand it anymore, Inuyasha! Why couldn’t you let me stay?”
“Because you couldn’t stay in my time, Kagome! It’s too dangerous. They killed another hanyou’s mother east of us only a month ago. The mother was chased out of her village and so starved and beat up it’s amazing she made it as far as the border of Musashi with the pup still alive. The pup… she’s still tiny since the mother could barely feed herself enough to live let alone eat enough to nurse the pup well too.” I stared at him in astonishment. A hanyou baby. My mind raced with the possibilities of such a thing. Who was taking care of her? What kind of hanyou was she? Had Inuyasha said another? That meant they were aware of others who had been killed. Were the children safe? “Look, Kagome, it isn’t safe to be associated with me right now. Kaede’s village is the only place I can stay without having things thrown at me.”
“Where is the baby now? Is she alright?” Inuyasha sighed and shook his head in exasperation. It was obvious he was trying to express something to me and I was intentionally missing the point.
“She’s fine. Runt’s staying with Sango and the pervert.”
“What… What kind of hanyou is she?” Again Inuyasha gave me a hard look.
“Her old man is a wolf. I haven’t been able to find him yet and he isn’t making himself known. Sango’s guess is that he either took the mother by force, he’s dead, or both. She couldn’t tell us his name before she died, if she even knew it.” He looked away angrily, his fists clenching in bitter frustration. “Kei is the third brat that’s been brought to the village since you left. People heard about us and thought it was the safest place to bring their unwanted pups.”
I tried to ignore his wording, wondering who the “us” he spoke of was. “People are just dropping off their children with strangers?” I shouted, muffling my voice with a hand when I remembered it was very, very late and my family was sleeping. “Are they all hanyou?” Inuyasha shook his head. So some were demons, humans? It was baffling that so many people would think to bring these children to a place where they thought they would be safe instead of simply killing them. I knew that was generally the practice, especially with hanyou and youkai offspring found by humans. Hanyou or human children found by youkai would obviously be destroyed… unless they were Rin-chan and had been found by a certain daiyoukai, I suppose.
“Kei and Matsu are the two hanyou. Matsu’s a kitsune hanyou. Shippou’s become the brat’s best friend and he can’t even walk yet.” He sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to let him off with a simple explanation. “We think his parents were killed since kitsune are so family-oriented. They never would have abandoned him willingly. But we can’t find out how or where he might have come from since a group of humans left him in a basket near the river. The last one, Aiko, is a full youkai pup, a neko. She’s from a stronger class of demon than Kirara so she almost looks like a human whelp, aside from her eyes and her tail. We can’t figure out where they’re all coming from.”
“Why didn’t you come to me for help? I can take care of children! I raised Shippou didn’t I?” I questioned him, needing to show him that I was good enough, that I was useful other than finding the Shikon no kakera. He looked away before standing to look out the window, the very beginning of sunrise casting a gray light on his features. It wasn’t enough to trigger his transformation back to hanyou, but I couldn’t wait to see it. Again, it had been too long.
“They could use you,” he admitted, making my heart flutter. “Sango’s just not quite cut out to deal with so many at once yet. She’s a warrior still, not a mother.” I smiled slightly to myself. My friend would have to learn quickly if Miroku ever got his way and had several mini mirror images of himself running around their hut.
“She’ll learn to be both someday.”
“Kagome…” Hearing him utter my name like that, a low sound that told me he was hiding so many of his emotions, brought me to my feet. I shuffled my way over to where he was watching the slow rise of the sun. Standing next to him and staring at his face, I could see the pain there, the same longing and loneliness I’d felt when I’d been able to touch his heart through the tree. Softly, and with no small amount of trepidation, I reached up and brushed the back of my hand against his cheek. His eyes closed and I saw the beginning of his change, the tips of his ears pointing while his hair took on a silver sheen. I felt tears trail down my cheeks but I ignored them, not wanting to miss anything. More of his hair began to bleach light, his ears continuing up to the top of his head. I felt his youki growing and felt my soul resound with the feeling of home it brought. Without realizing it, I brought his face closer, bringing his lips to mine for a soft brush. “I’ve missed you,” he murmured so softly I almost didn’t hear him. I laughed, faintly amazed that so little could mend so much that was broken within me. I saw a slight grin on Inuyasha’s lips, a fang peeking over his lower lip just before he kissed me, more forceful than my small chaste peck.
But you don't need my pictures on your wall
You say you need no one
And you don't need my secret midnight call
I guess you need no one
I was amazed at the passion Inuyasha had kept so well hidden for all these years. I suppose I always knew he was passionate, just not in the way that he was expressing to me through his lips. Our breath intertwined, our mouths taking and giving. It was me who finally pulled away. It was almost too much for me to handle and I needed to breathe. Inuyasha panted with me, holding his forehead against mine. “You were trying to protect me all this time?” He sighed and nodded, keeping his eyes closed. I wanted to see my hanyou’s beautiful amber irises staring back into mine. Of everything I had missed about him, it was his eyes I missed most. “Why couldn’t you just tell me that? I would have understood.” He laughed wryly, taking my hands and lifting them to press against his cheeks. I took the invitation for what it was. Keeping one hand on his face, the other trailed its way up to his soft ear to gently rub it between my fingers.
“Because you’re a stubborn wench and you would have ignored the danger,” he finally murmured, caught up in the attention I was paying his ear. I had to concede his point. Had I known he was trying to keep me from a risk that he himself was in, I never would have left. “I know you too well. I had to make you hate me…” he whispered. The pain in his voice was tangible, the regret. He hadn’t wanted to hurt me after all. Despite feeling that I’d known that all along, I still felt betrayed. “If I had let you stay I would have tried to make you mine the day we completed the jewel.” His words stalled my heart in my chest, my belly erupting with fiery butterflies. Make me his? Would he really want that with me? I couldn’t help thinking that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. But at that moment Inuyasha opened his eyes and I felt my breath catch. There was such honesty there, such sincere longing. He was telling me the truth. I started to cry again, gently holding his face between my hands. I kissed him softly, my tears adding a salty tang to both our lips. “Don’t cry, Kagome,” he begged between kisses.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I wondered aloud.
He chuckled softly, nipping my lower lip as he took it into his mouth. I drowned in his kiss for several moments before he slowly pulled away. “I told you why, a couple of times now.” Nuzzling my cheek, Inuyasha smiled gently, a little sadly. “But I couldn’t take it anymore. You were hurting and I hate it when you hurt. I need you, Kagome. I never should have thought I could make it without you.” I smiled through the remaining tears leaving tracks down my cheeks.
“Inuyasha no baka,” I murmured affectionately, reaching back to tug lightly on his ponytail and bringing it over his shoulder. He grinned, making me grin too. “When did you start this?” He chuckled softly, glancing toward where my fingers twined in his hair. Turning his head back forced his lips in contact with mine. Our mouths tangled for a long time, neither one of us willing to let go of the other.
Eventually oxygen was necessary and we had to pull away. “Matsu started chewing on it every time it was in reach so I had to.” I giggled at the prospect of a tiny kitsune hanyou kit chewing and slobbering all over Inuyasha’s beautiful silver mane. It was an image I couldn’t have come up with on my own but it was highly amusing all the same. “Do you… do you want to meet them?” he asked softly, nipping the skin just under my ear, his breath hot on the tender flesh. I nodded and felt his laugh more than heard it. He pushed me in the direction of my closet then turned his back as an indication for me to change. I stared at him over my shoulder for a moment in contemplation. I was supposed to work at the store later, as well as my chores here at the shrine. I sighed. I had never called in sick before, but I supposed this was as good a time as any.
Choosing a pair of reliable jeans and a sturdy sweater to throw on over a t-shirt, I quickly changed. I thought about it a moment and took the Shikon no Tama from its box, hanging it around my neck and tucking it under my shirt. It was getting lighter and I had a suspicion that I knew why. As soon as I was done, Inuyasha turned around and tried to drag me out the window with him. I explained that I had to tell my job that I couldn’t come in that day and he snorted, but allowed me the time to use the phone. The elderly woman who owned the store told me to get better soon since they needed the help and I felt a little guilty for lying to her.
Next I left a note for my family who would be up soon but whom Inuyasha wasn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with. He was impatient to get to the other side of the well again and it was obvious he knew he would owe my family an explanation for his disappearance from my life. An explanation I was still partially waiting for. But I would once again blindly follow my silver-haired inuhanyou to the ends of the earth if only in the hopes that he would allow me back into his life for good. Inuyasha took my hand, pulling me into his arms as we approached the well house. He leaped in like usual and I felt the magic of the well pull us through five hundred years and into the Sengoku Jidai.
Almost right away I could feel the tension in his shoulders relax, the hum of his soul rejoicing in being home. I never knew my own heart could feel the same way, fluttering excitedly and yet making me feel the calm of being in a place I thought of as home as well. “Kami, it’s been so long,” I whispered, taking a deep breath of the fresh air around me. Inuyasha grunted, frowning at the reminder of my forced removal from his time. His arms tightened slightly around me while he refused to put me down and let me walk on my own. I finally convinced him to let me walk into the village so no one would think there was something wrong with me. Everything looked the same, not that I’d expected it to change much in five months. There were a couple of new huts but that was about it and as we approached them I heard shouting.
“Shippou! Not now, can’t you see I’m trying to… Miroku, grab Matsu please. Aiko, you can’t go outside until you finish your breakfast!” Poor Sango. She was obviously overrun by the family that had been thrust upon her. Inuyasha shook his head with a sigh as a little girl, no more than two years old, chased a wild-haired Shippou out through the hut’s doorway and down the village path. The kitsune was a few centimeters taller than when I last saw him, but he looked about the same. He was giggling, obviously pacing himself so the little girl wouldn’t get too far behind while attempting to tie his hair up at the same time. “Miroku!” came Sango’s furious voice, distracting Shippou and causing him to stumble and allow the tiny girl chasing him to catch him and knock him over on his butt.
“Aw Aiko, now my clothes are all…” His nose lifted to the air and cut off his complaint. His eyes grew wide and his head whipped around. “Ka-Kagome?” he breathed, his beautiful green eyes locking with mine. I smiled as we came closer, Inuyasha standing back and letting me greet my adopted son on my own. Shippou squealed something unintelligible and shot into my arms. I hugged him tightly, not about to let him go. I heard him sob lightly into my chest, “It’s really you!”
“Of course it’s me,” I murmured, stroking his hair and holding him. I finally opened my eyes to see a pair of startlingly hazel ones staring back at me with tears in them. I sat back a bit at the pout on the little girl’s face. “Hello,” I whispered. Her lower lip quivered and I knew she was about to scream. Needless to say I was shocked when Inuyasha swept the girl into his arms and bounced her on his hip.
“No crying Aiko, Shippou hasn’t seen Kagome in a long time. He’ll play with you in a minute,” he soothed the tiny neko. She looked at me warily as her tail curled around his arm, unsure of whether I was worthy of her playmate or not. She mumbled something I couldn’t hear and Inuyasha truly laughed, something I hadn’t ever seen. “Of course Aiko. She isn’t going to take your aniki anywhere.” Shippou snuggled tightly against me and I slowly rose from the kneeling position I’d been in, taking him with me. A grunt left me, Shippou a bit heavier than I remembered, then smiled at the girl in Inuyasha’s arms in hopes of making amends. She apparently decided I wasn’t a threat because she flashed me a shy smile before hiding her face in Inuyasha’s haori. I giggled at Inuyasha’s fond look, which made him scowl at me.
“Kagome? Kagome-chan!” My head shot up and I took in my best friend as she trotted across the space between us, a bundle in her arms. We embraced around the children we held, tears in our eyes at being reunited. “Thank goodness you’re here! We’ve missed you so much.” I grinned, freeing one arm to wipe my eyes. The bundle in Sango’s arms squirmed, squeaking protest at the noise and bustle. Sango’s eyes took on a slightly frightened look as she gently bounced the baby. “Hush now Kei-chan, it’s alright,” she murmured soothingly. I glanced at Inuyasha and saw the faintly apprehensive look on his face. Not sure what it was about, I set Shippou down and pushed him toward Inuyasha who set Aiko on her feet. The little girl immediately attached herself to the kitsune who just sighed and patted her black hair. Knowing they were distracted, I motioned to Sango for her to hand me the baby, which she did gratefully.
I pushed back the blanket enough to see the tiny face it hid, tears filling my eyes at the beautiful infant. Her eyes were a sharp green and her tiny nose was turned up just a little. Her head was covered by downy brown hair with two tiny brown ears resting on top. She blinked at me owlishly, obviously unsure of who I was and what I was doing holding her. I watched her little nose twitch as she scented me, surprised when a beautiful smile lit her tiny features. She squealed happily, forcing Inuyasha’s ears against his head before her cry turned into a giggle. I smiled at her, glancing up at Sango who had a wide relieved grin on her face. Miroku had come out of the hut as well, a strapping blond baby on his hip. This child’s ears were longer and more pointed, drooping to either side of his head. I could hear the baby burbling, evidently Matsu by process of elimination, as the two of them approached. He was happily blowing bubbles against Miroku’s shoulder and making a mess as he did so.
“Lady Kagome,” he greeted with a wide grin. Inuyasha moved closer to me, I noted out of the corner of my eye. Refraining from rolling my eyes at him, I smiled and greeted Miroku in return, so happy to see my friends alive and well if not a little worse for wear. Matsu blew bubbles at me, babbling and grinning. “Now that’s no way to properly greet a lady, Matsu-chan,” Miroku said with a wink in my direction. I heard Sango snort and was sure of what she thought about how Miroku greeted a lady. A soft laugh rose out of me and I looked again at the tiny hanyou in my arms. She whined softly, Inuyasha by my side in a split second. “Is she hungry?” Miroku asked, glancing between the two of us.
“Yea,” Inuyasha grunted, “Did she not eat earlier?”
“She wasn’t hungry. She hates it when you leave,” Sango explained while leading all of us into their hut. I sat against the wall with the small wriggling and fussy bundle in my arms until Sango handed me a small bowl of something thick and soupy. It didn’t smell the best. “It has everything she needs. Since her mother… We had to come up with something to feed the babies that they could stomach.” I smiled up at my friend, nodding and helping the tiny hanyou swallow down the mush. After settling down next to me with Aiko, Shippou started asking me questions about what I’d been doing in my time. I told my friends about my job, my duties at the shrine, but refrained from telling them how much I’d been working. Inuyasha took Kei from me when she was done eating only to hand me a bowl of the breakfast Sango had made for the adults, Shippou and Aiko. He made it quite clear that I was to eat it, sliding down on my other side to burp the tiny baby girl. It was so strange and yet so endearing to see him with Kei, to see how he was with the other children, that I had to fight back tears.
“Your family is well?” Miroku questioned, gently fending Matsu away from the fire. The little boy was crawling everywhere, his ears twitching, obviously as inquisitive and bold as his adopted full-youkai aniki. I smiled as I watched Shippou interact with his newfound siblings, seeing how easily and proudly he fell into the role of protective older brother. The other children obviously looked up to him, Aiko especially, and looked to him for guidance.
“Hai. Thank you for asking Miroku-sama. I’m sure they’d be glad to know you asked after them.” The monk nodded as he once again had to distract Matsu from the flames. Inuyasha growled something at the baby and he instantly whined, submitting himself to whatever Inuyasha’s command had been. Matsu made his way over to where Inuyasha was sitting beside me and the inuhanyou passed back Kei in order to accept the fox hanyou’s apology and need for assurance. She made baby grunts of displeasure but quickly settled against me, her tummy full. She was so tiny still, even at the three months the others guessed her to be. I smiled fondly as Inuyasha fought to keep his hair out of Matsu’s reach and rocked Kei until she fell asleep.
For the first time in what had to be months, Miroku and Sango relaxed. It seemed as though Inuyasha hadn’t been taking his fair share of the work and those two had been forced to care for all four children on their own. “Why don’t you two take a walk? Inuyasha, Shippou and I can handle them while you have a bit of time to yourselves,” I prodded. The kit on my right swelled with pride at being connected with the adults in this situation and Miroku grinned. I could tell that this was exactly what they needed. Sango took some convincing but soon enough she left with Miroku, the two of them linking hands after leaving their hut.
Is anybody waiting at home for you?
Cause it's time that will tell if it's heaven if it's hell or if it's
Anybody waiting at home for you
Cause it's time that will tell this tale
“I think they’re still mad at me.” Inuyasha’s quiet voice startled me from the warm daze I’d been in for some time now. I glanced up at him and frowned, unsure of what he meant exactly. “Sango and Miroku? They almost didn’t let me come to the wedding because you weren’t here, because I made you leave.” Looking away, I bit my lip. I’d missed Sango and Miroku’s wedding, an event I’d looked forward to for years. Inuyasha’s red-clad arm came around me, careful not to jostle Kei who was sound asleep against my chest. Matsu had curled up in Inuyasha’s lap to nap and Shippou had taken Aiko out to play in front of the hut. I could hear their squeals and laughter as they continued to chase one another through the grass, Kirara keeping a close eye on them even while she took part in their game. “I’m sorry Kagome,” he whispered, leaning over to gently kiss the top of my head. “I never wanted to hurt you. All I ever wanted was to protect you.” I had to close my eyes against the sob that welled up in my throat. The scent of my tears obviously upset both hanyou pups, who squirmed and fussed. Kei buried her nose more tightly into my throat and her tiny clawed hand wiggled from the blanket swaddling her to grip the collar of my shirt. I shushed and rocked Kei while Inuyasha softly rubbed Matsu’s back until he settled back down.
“I know, Inuyasha. It’s just hard to think that so much went on here while I was gone and you never came to tell me.” His arm tightened around my shoulder enough to drag me closer to his side, holding me close and rumbling soothingly. I sighed, feeling Kei purr softly in response. I smiled wistfully at the downy head under my chin, tilting my head to place a careful kiss on one tiny brown ear. It flicked at my touch, flipping against my nose. I giggled softly and nuzzled the top of her head affectionately. “She’s so little,” I whispered, “and beautiful.”
“Keh. She’ll be as much a troublemaker as the other three when she gets big enough,” Inuyasha grumbled.
“You’re so good with them all Inuyasha,” I whispered. “You will make a wonderful father for your own kids someday.” He tensed for a moment, his arm tightening nearly imperceptibly around me.
Sighing at the knowledge that I’d made him uncomfortable yet again, I began to edge away from him on principle. He probably wouldn’t speak to me for several days if he didn’t just shove me down the well and call it a day. I was surprised when his head ducked down near my neck, his lips whispering against the shell of my ear. “And you should be the one I father those pups with.” A shiver ran down my spine at the implication he didn’t even try to hide, nipping my ear and softly kissing my throat. If I thought Inuyasha was passionate before, it was nothing in comparison to now. The things he could make me feel with a simple caress, a kiss, a softly spoken sentence! I melted against his side, shifting the baby in my arms to the other side so he had better access. He continued to kiss and nip my throat, making it quite obvious how soon he wanted to begin the process that would initiate us into parenthood.
It was amazing to me how quickly things had changed between us, how soon after our reconciliation our friendship had become so much more. Inuyasha shifted as he placed more urgent kisses up the side of my jaw until he could meet my lips, capturing them roughly. I sighed against him just before he pulled away, taking Matsu in one arm and settling him in his bassinet across the room. He returned for Kei, easing her away from my chest and into his arms. She whimpered softly, obviously upset with being shifted and Inuyasha huffed at her, growling under his breath as he rocked her back to sleep. He moved her to her crib, nearly identical to Matsu’s, laying her down on her back and waiting to move away until he was sure she was comfortably asleep. As he crouched over the tiny sleeping beauty, I rose and stood behind him, laying my hand on his back. Inuyasha didn’t acknowledge my presence until he stood, spinning around to hold me against his chest. I wasn’t completely unprepared this time when his lips met mine, sliding against them and nibbling enticingly. My hanyou was driving me crazy intentionally and there was absolutely nothing I could or wanted to do to stop him.
I felt like I was flying with my feet still planted firmly on the ground. Inuyasha’s lips had long since roamed over my throat, his fangs scraping gently against my pulse. Chills of the fevered variety raced across my skin, my breath leaving my lungs in soft pants. I had dreamed about these kinds of encounters - rarely with sleeping babies in the background - but none of my dreams were as good as the real thing. Knowing that Inuyasha wanted me in his life again sent my heart racing, caused my physical reaction to him to be all the more acute. He growled approvingly when I pressed more fully against him, his lips coming back to mine with restless intensity. “Kagome,” he murmured, “the runt.” I didn’t understand what he said until he gasped and pulled away, holding me at arms length just as Shippou came flying into the hut.
“Kagome…”
“Hush, you’ll wake the babies,” I scolded, belying my flushed appearance and breathless panting. The kitsune stared at us for a moment before making a face and crossing his arms over his little chest.
“Aiko fell and she’s saying she won’t get up until Inuyasha comes to get her.”
“Tell her she’s old enough to pick herself up and dust off,” the inuhanyou replied, still gripping my shoulders tightly.
“She’s hardly two Inuyasha,” I whispered.
“Keh. She’s nearly three and she’s a youkai. Sango and the bouzu have been spoiling her.” Rolling my eyes at him, I motioned for Shippou to show me the way, leaving Inuyasha to watch over the sleeping children. He growled after me, his eyes flashing dangerously, but I ignored him in favor of going after Shippou. Aiko wasn’t far from the hut, sitting on her bottom, arms crossed and an angry pout on her face. I could see the stain on her yukata from where she’d fallen but there wasn’t any blood that I could see. Kirara was lounging in the shade nearby, keeping an eye on her charge without giving the little girl the benefit of coddling. She mewed an excited greeting to me, getting up to take a spin around my legs. I giggled softly, crouching down to pet my feline friend while keeping a lookout on the little neko youkai girl throwing a silent fit a few feet away.
“They like you better,” she said suddenly, her bottom lip sticking out while her long black tail twitched agitatedly behind her. I stifled a chuckle in lieu of the little girl’s very serious distress. I certainly didn’t want to hurt her feelings any more than they obviously already were.
“Why do you think that, Aiko-chan?” I asked softly instead.
“Aniki always talks about you, and Sango-obaa too. Inu no otou-san forgot all about me!” It quickened my heart just to hear the little girl refer to Inuyasha as her father despite the fact that it seemed Sango and Miroku were the ones doing the parenting. Maybe he was more involved in their lives than I’d assumed.
“Inuyasha didn’t forget about you Aiko-chan. I asked him to look after the babies since they need more protection than a big strong youkai like you.” Aiko’s hazel eyes turned to me and blinked, staring at me while visibly trying to figure out my angle. She was a clever little thing. I could see the wheels turning in her head. “I’d like to get to know you better, if you’ll let me. I think we could be friends.” She seemed to mull over the idea for a few moments, standing up and circling me. I stood at attention, waiting for her verdict. After she’d circled me a few more times she stood in front of me with a shy look on her face, tail curling around her ankles. She then reached out for my hand and I smiled down at her, leading her back to the hut where Inuyasha sat with Shippou, both their eyes closed while they sat against the wall. While it might have looked like they were both napping, Shippou was the only one asleep, his mouth hanging slightly open. That only lasted until Aiko pounced on him, giggling when he tried unsuccessfully to growl threateningly at her. “We’re back.” Inuyasha nodded without opening his eyes, tilting his head toward Matsu’s crib as if listening to the child’s breathing.
Before the infant could wake up and start screaming, Inuyasha was across the room and had him against his shoulder. “Oomph. Whelp, you’re getting big. We’re starting you on the solid stuff,” he told the blinking baby. Matsu grunted with a pout on his face as though upset with the idea. Inuyasha cracked a small grin at me and I went to check on the other infant. She was still lying on her back though she was awake and trying to roll herself over. I smiled down at her, reaching in to lift her into my arms. Tiny canine ears twisted to listen for the others, her eyes searching my face as I held her. “Kagome, where’d the letch and Sango run off to?” Inuyasha grumbled impatiently as Matsu continued to grip a lock of the inuhanyou’s bangs. I laughed at his dilemma and went over to detach the grabbing little hand.
“They’ll be back when they’re good and ready,” I told him, gently rocking Kei when she grumbled at me for ignoring her. Matsu looked about ready to climb up Inuyasha’s shoulder and gnaw on his ears, so I dug out what looked like the closest thing I could find to a teething ring from the kit’s bed. I stared at it uncertainly. “Is this what you let him chew on?” I asked, holding up the rock.
“Yea. Hanyou teeth are too strong for normal human stuff.” I nodded, handing him the smooth river stone and watching him give it to Matsu. The kitsune hanyou giggled excitedly, gnawing on it almost instantly. It was too big for him to fit in his mouth and there weren’t any pointy edges for him to cut himself on so it made a better toy than I’d expected. As we continued to distract the babies, Aiko laid down with Shippou and the two napped together, curled around one another. I smiled at the adorable tableau they made. Kirara mewed as she came in, yawning and curling up next to the pair for a nap of her own. “Looks like Aiko wore them both out. If you thought the runt was a handful…” Inuyasha said with a sigh. I grinned slightly, bouncing Kei against me and making her laugh. Her laughter was soft and rolling, like a gentle bubbly purr. I felt Inuyasha move closer to my side, the arm not gripping Matsu coming around my waist. He simply breathed with me for a while, not saying or doing anything. I could feel his hesitation, his youki reflecting his nervous energy. “Kagome, stay here with me?” he finally whispered against my throat.
I hopelessly,
(Is anybody waiting at home,)
So helplessly,
(Cause it's time that will tell if it's heaven, if it's hell)
Wonder why,
(Is anybody waiting at home)
Everything's gotta change...
I breathed slowly, trying to regain my bearings. Inuyasha wanted me to stay with him? I was speechless. Astounded was probably a better description. But my brain ran into dangerous territory, questioning anything and everything. Did he only want to remain friends? His kisses from earlier certainly didn’t indicate that, but what if he changed his mind? Would he expect me to give up my time and my family as well? Could I choose to do that if he did? So many things sent my mind into a whirl that I hardly even knew how to articulate the question. Would he want to marry me or only enter into a physical relationship? I didn’t think Inuyasha was like... that but one never knew. Would he take me as his mate or was I presuming too much?
“Kagome?”
I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of him against my back, holding me against him. Could I live without this? Remembering the last six months in my time and the terrible months before that here told me that I most certainly could not. Who had I been trying to fool? My family, and ultimately, myself, that’s who. I’d been miserable, but I’d also been unhealthy. I’d dropped even more weight when I got home and I don’t think I slept well in nearly five months. My family was worried, my boss had even begun to try and force me to eat! “Do you really want me to stay, Inuyasha?” I asked him.
“Keh. Would I ask if I didn’t?” I rolled my eyes at his dismissive treatment of such an important question. He was afraid and he was trying to hide it, that much was obvious to me. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time. Kei squirmed and whimpered in response to both of our feelings of anxiety and I gently rocked her to soothe her. “They need you, Kagome. I need you,” he whispered into my hair. “I need you more than anything.” Letting out a ragged sigh I turned slowly and looked into his eyes. Those amber eyes that I knew better than my own soul… How had I never seen the desperate hope they held before? The love and adoration? This man, this hanyou that I loved so much, loved me too.
“Hai. I’ll stay Inuyasha,” I whispered. There was too much baby hanyou between us, so he settled with kissing me enthusiastically when I knew he wanted to embrace me tightly and more than likely ravish me breathless. His eyes sparkled like I had never seen before, warmth and affection showing plainly in their golden depths. It was the first time in nearly a year that I’d felt anything close to the happiness I used to know in his presence. But it was so much more. I finally felt that Inuyasha wouldn’t drive me from his life again. He’d made it clear that the risks he feared were worth it to have me by his side because neither one of us could live without the other. If we had each other and our friends, our family, what more did we need? Already we had a small band of children to care for, tiny people that needed us as much as we needed one another. And we would raise them to be as strong as Inuyasha without making them live the life he had. They would know love and happiness. They would have us.