Chapter Text
It was shortly after coming to following her failed, psychically-influenced mutiny that Kira first began to consider consciously, however briefly and confusedly, an odd feeling that had taken hold in her heart. While under the influence of the ancient aliens, she had aggressively sought the allegiance of other officers aboard, none more so than Dax. In a certain way, this made sense: Dax, after all, was by far the sharpest and most experienced of her colleagues in Starfleet, not to mention a fast friend; Kira could admit to nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for Dax. And yet, the fact that they were able to get along at all was something she considered a miracle; during the Occupation, she would never be able to tolerate Dax’s whimsical, decadent ways. Indeed, she remembered all of what the aliens had brought back to her: the first weeks of Deep Space 9, when it still resembled Terok Nor; her distrust of Sisko and Dax and Bashir, her aggression, barely held back in the best of circumstances and only somewhat abated since.
What was curious to her was the manner in which Kira sought Dax’s allegiance. Julian had joked that she seemed more successful at picking up Jadzia than he did, blissfully unaware that such an interpretation would have otherwise never occurred to her. Yet as soon as this interpretation was brought to her attention, she found a way to dismiss it: it was merely teasing on behalf of the good doctor, an exaggeration. Besides, even if it were an accurate description, neither Kira nor Dax were quite themselves at the time.
But before Kira was able to return to everyday work in Ops she betrayed her dismissal with one last counterfactual: and anyway, even if it were flirtation, and even if there were something more to it than the alien influence, in other conditions, surely Dax wouldn’t return the interest. Dax, after all, was a positive xenophile, and though she affected a sense of calm and repose, Kira could tell that this was a mere rest from a hunger for adventure, remembering well a conversation earlier where Dax noted that she’d seriously considered dating Morn. What’s more, Dax was already sought by a number of suitors, and could easily take her pick of them; surely Kira, with her focus on Bajor rather than the Gamma Quadrant, with her lack of artistic talent, with her distaste for the holosuites, with her collegial and friendly relations, would be at least as beneath consideration as a romantic partner as Dr. Bashir, whose obsessive pursuit, which Kira disdained, seemed somehow not to trouble Dax: as though she were beyond it.
It would have come as a surprise, then, to know that at that moment, Jadzia, too, was reflecting on the events of the mutiny. Like Kira, her first instinct was dismissal of the come-on as alien influence, which, to her mind, was a disappointment. And yet, it didn’t appear as if the aliens totally overpowered their hosts’ personalities so much as exaggerated existing tendencies: perhaps, buried under all those layers of repression in the name of singleminded service to Bajor, deep beneath her own conscious awareness, Kira reciprocated the desire Dax had felt since arriving on Deep Space 9, the desire that Dax had spent a year locking away out of friendship and professionalism, the desire that she knew she could never reveal. Kira was a puzzle: despite exhibiting many cultural traits that, from Dax's memory of Bajor before the conquest, were associated with lesbianism, the thought never seemed to cross her mind; she seemed instead committed to the natalist doctrine championed by Kai Opaka and Vedek Winn. Jadzia could only conclude that it would be a mistake to confront her at this moment, and only scuttle whatever chances she had; and after all, there was ample time to let these feelings run their course. Until then, it would appear that Kira would continue to seek relationships with men she admired and respected but didn’t love, not in that way; men who were ideal Bajoran husbands: studious, sharp, devoted to the Prophets, to Bajor, and to family. Dax cursed silently that the Cardassians appeared to have succeeded in introducing homophobia to the Bajorans during the Occupation, even if the latter appeared cloaked in rebellion against the Cardassians, restoring Bajoran nationhood, and the faith that kept it together; Dax cursed that Kira seemed to have internalized it, that it would be long before she could appreciate yet another loss that the Cardassians dealt her.
Until then, the only hints Jadzia would let slip were the deep looks of longing and beautiful, radiant, disarming smiles she aimed at Kira, and the walks the two of them shared on the upper level of the Promenade, looking out the viewports.