Work Text:
Chat: Voted Most Hated On Campus
Chat members online: Doom, BaronZemo, Enchantress<3, Magneto
Doom: @Enchantress<3 I heard rumours that you were dating the Odinson now.
Enchantress<3: why does everyone know about that already
Doom: Doom knows everything.
Enchantress<3: ugh
Enchantress<3: but yeah we are but only for a thing
BaronZemo: why do you continue to waste your time and potential by involving yourself in needless romantic affairs?
Enchantress<3: dude I'm still 94% sure that you're a neo-nazi, so you get no opinions
BaronZemo: you shouldn't just throw around the word nazi because you don't like people.
Enchantress<3: were you or were you not part of hydra – a literal white supremist group?
BaronZemo: Hydra got a bad rep, okay?
Enchantress<3: okay hitler
Magneto: I vote we kick the literal fascist from the group.
Enchantress<3: erik hasn't spoken a word here in like 50 years, doom, you gotta listen to him
Magneto: Why is there a nazi in the group chat anyway?
Enchantress<3: doom has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair and likes zemo’s pasta bakes
Enchantress<3: hey doom, kick zemo from the chat and I’ll have skurge make you cookies
Doom: Fine.
[ BaronZemo was kicked from Voted Most Hated On Campus]
Enchantress<3: can't believe bribing you with cookies worked better than the guilt of a jewish man being in a gc with a nazi
Doom: Doom likes cookies.
Magneto: I hate this group chat.
Enchantress<3: mood
Chat : The Avengers
Chat Members Online:
NotARussianSpy (Natasha), Pikachu (Thor), FalconPunch (Sam), Birb (Clint), MrAmerica (Steve), StarkNaked (Tony)
NotARussianSpy: current news update: clint got stuck on a roof and Thor is dating Amora
StarkNaked: like the enchantress??
NotARussianSpy: yeah
FalconPunch: wait who’s the enchantress?
FalconPunch: saying wait again, the roof?
Birb: I was in a bird kinnie mood
FalconPunch: cursed
Birb: uh huh, falcon
FalconPunch: man, I'm not a bird kinnie, that's just a nickname
Birb: sure
StarkNaked: the enchantress is this mega hot rich chick who’s dating like 50 ppl and has magic
NotARussianSpy: none of that was factual
StarkNaked: see: mega hot and rich and chick
NotARussianSpy: we don't know if she's rich actually
StarkNaked: she dresses rich
NotARussianSpy: appearances are deceiving
Pikachu: amora is a ‘chick’ who is dating two other people and doesn't have magic.
StarkNaked: if she doesn't have magic explain how she can literally get anyone to fall head over heels for her with that personality??
Pikachu: Amora’s not that bad
StarkNaked: see, now she's got Thor
NotARussianSpy: F
Birb: F
FalconPunch: F
FalconPunch: oh damn, speak of the devil we literally just saw shit go down with the villain squad after steve pointed them out to me
StarkNaked: oh, tea?
MrAmerica: Zemo punched Amora and then got a high heel to the stomach for his efforts
NotARussianSpy: can't wait for skurge to find out what zemo pulled
MrAmerica: me too. Fuck Nazi lives
StarkNaked: language!
MrAmerica: that was one time, leave me alone
FalconPunch: Skurge was at the door the whole time oh shit
StarkNaked: oh lawd he coming
FalconPunch: he slammed zemo into a table and steve cheered
MrAmerica: so did other people
FalconPunch: no one else said “fuck yeah, break that nazi piece of shit”
MrAmerica: look
MrAmerica: it was very exciting
NotARussianSpy: amora and skurge may be terrible people but her asking zemo to ‘meet her executioner’ before skurge slams him into a table and they proceed to make out beside his whimpering nazi body? kinda hot
FalconPunch: absolutely no one is calling security and the professors aren’t doing shit
StarkNaked: world war three is just hot people vs nazis and we’re out here winning!
Chat : Amora and The Boys <3 <3
Chat Members Online: Enchantress<3 (Amora), Executioner (Skurge), All-Seer (Heimdall)
All-Seer: I heard you and Thor were dating, Amora.
Enchantress<3: why do you know EVERYTHING
All-Seer: I have eyes everywhere.
Executioner: so was that a yes?
Enchantress<3: it's a yes but technically it's only because he needs to have a date for some family dinner ://
Executioner: what the hell is a family
Enchantress<3: mood
All-Seer: Amora, you have a sister
Enchantress<3: Lorelei’s an acquaintance at best
All-Seer: You can't call your sister an acquaintance
Enchantress<3: just because you and sif care about each other doesn't mean that all siblings do. I'm completely apathetic towards her.
All-Seer: if you say so.
All-Seer: she's been arrested again, by the way.
Enchantress<3: she WHAT
Enchantress<3: I'm going to kill her, how the hell is this bitch meant to get a job with a criminal record as high as my fucking HEELS
Executioner: ‘apathetic’
Enchantress<3: fuck
Executioner: you played yourself
Enchantress<3: heimdall you're such a fucking snake I can't believe this betrayal
Enchantress<3: I'm breaking up with you
Executioner: F
All-Seer: Understandable, love you, dear :)
Enchantress<3: >:/ don't be cute when I'm fake mad at you
All-Seer: Xx
Enchantress<3: fuck you
From: Pikachu (Thor)
To: EmoSnake (Loki)
Pikachu: I’m bringing someone to dinner tonight so mother will finally leave me be about ‘being alone’ so don’t scare her off >:(
Loki: oh, who?
Loki: thor
Loki: thor
Loki: THOR
Loki: I swear if you turned off your phone
Loki: thor who are you bringing
Loki: I’m going to kill you at dinner, see if THAT scares off your date
Loki: fuck you
From: NotARussianSpy (Natasha)
To: Enchantress<3 (Amora)
NotARussianSpy: thought you’d want the momento
NotARussianSpy: [video of skurge slamming zemo into a table]
Enchantress<3: my thanks Xx
NotARussianSpy: but you owe me some of skurge’s cookies
Enchantress<3: an acceptable price
Enchantress<3: you’re in international politics and law, correct? I have someone in that class, I’ll have him send you the cookies
NotARussianSpy: your boy toys are like sleeper agents all around campus
Enchantress<3: you’re not wrong
Enchantress<3: you have your methods of gathering information, I have mine
NotARussianSpy: no judgement, I respect any fellow female powerhouses
Enchantress<3: I’m glad to hear that
Enchantress<3: nice talking to you, natasha dear
Chat : The Avengers
Chat Members Online:
NotARussianSpy (Natasha), Pikachu (Thor), FalconPunch (Sam), Birb (Clint), MrAmerica (Steve), StarkNaked (Tony), NerdAlert (Bruce)
StarkNaked: thor buddy now that you’re dating amora you can tell us what she majors in
Pikachu: I have no idea
Birb: WHAT
StarkNaked: how can you not KNOW
NerdAlert: wait I’m so late
NerdAlert: Congratulations, Thor, on getting a date :)
NerdAlert: Why does Tony want to know this girl’s major so badly?
Pikachu: we’re only fake dating
StarkNaked: because NO ONE does
StarkNaked: it’s the BIGGEST secret on campus
StarkNaked: NAT
NotARussianSpy: yes?
StarkNaked: do you know?
NotARussianSpy: obviously
StarkNaked: tell us??
NotARussianSpy: the woman’s managed to keep her class completely tight lipped for two years and no one can even deduce what class she could possibly be from based on what buildings she’s entered
NotARussianSpy: i’m not going to destroy her hard work. it’s not often that people impress me.
StarkNaked: wow you’re so gay for her
NotARussianSpy: I just admire her
StarkNaked: okay lesbian
NotARussianSpy: look
NotARussianSpy: YES if she came to me and asked, I would happily slam her against the wall and finger her six ways from sunday
NotARussianSpy: but
Birb: but?
NotARussianSpy: no, that’s it
StarkNaked: you sure you wouldn’t like her to slam you against the wall?
NotARussianSpy: just because you’re a sub doesn’t mean you have to project it onto the rest of us
NotARussianSpy: obviously we’d switch
Pikachu: amora’s fine with anything as long as she has control
Birb: I thought you were fake dating???
Pikachu: we are. she just talks super openly about her sex life
Birb: ew
NerdAlert: ew
StarkNaked: hot
NotARussianSpy: anyway, not interested mostly. I don’t want to catch amoritis
Birb: catch what
StarkNaked: amoritis
NotARussianSpy: everyone knows she tends to attach herself to people after knowing them in a positive light for about five seconds and then develops HARD romantic feelings for them to near obsession levels and when they eventually get together she’ll eventually rip the relationship to pieces
StarkNaked: she do be having issues tho
NotARussianSpy: yeah
NotARussianSpy: anyway i’m not into whatever THAT is so no thank you
Chat : The Avengers
Chat Members Online:
NotARussianSpy (Natasha), Pikachu (Thor), FalconPunch (Sam), Birb (Clint), MrAmerica (Steve), StarkNaked (Tony)
MrAmerica: tony just made an ass of himself
Birb: please tell me absolutely everything
FalconPunch: he decided he was going to find out what amora’s major was so he followed her for like fifteen minutes straight
FalconPunch: man was straight SO pressed about it that he basically backed her against a wall because his energy was so aggressive
FalconPunch: girl looked TERRIFIED
FalconPunch: and then this dude from the football team rounds the corner – he’s the size of steve – and is like “Sylvie?”
FalconPunch: and tony looks down and takes a second look at this girl and we all realise he’s been harassing this girl that’s DEFINITELY not amora
FalconPunch: big guy looks like he’s about to cave tony’s head in
NotARussianSpy: can’t blame him
MrAmerica: sam and I had to drag him out of there because he couldn’t move
StarkNaked: could too
FalconPunch: man, shut the hell up. no you could NOT. you were pretty much frozen
MrAmerica: like an ice-cube of ego
FalconPunch: also the girl looked like she was a fresher
Birb: tony out here oppressing babies
StarkNaked: look
StarkNaked: she was a theatre major so maybe she deserved it
StarkNaked: ALSO she was speaking all shakespearean so she double deserves it
from: ActualWiccan (Billy Kaplan)
to: YeehawAndWellMet (Sylvie Lushton)
ActualWiccan: hey, teddy said something happened today?
YeehawAndWellMet: I think someone got me confused with that amora girl again
YeehawAndWellMet: he was all like, ‘what the fuck is your major you weird magic seductress?’
YeehawAndWellMet: I was like, super flustered and it was like totally embarrassing :(
ActualWiccan: did you go all shakespeare
YeehawAndWellMet: YES
YeehawAndWellMet: incorrect shakespeare
YeehawAndWellMet: verily, I doth hate mine life
ActualWiccan: mood
ActualWiccan: you want to come watch movies with me and teddy tonight?
YeehawAndWellMet: sorry, I can’t! :((( Coat has an art exhibition!
ActualWiccan: coat is so weird
YeehawAndWellMet: you’re not wrong
ActualWiccan: still the least weird out of all your friends.
ActualWiccan: I can’t believe you’re still dating a guy that calls himself Melter
ActualWiccan: you straight people deserve to be oppressed
YeehawAndWellMet: ouch :’(((
ActualWiccan: you deserve to be oppressed but when the gay revolution comes you’ll be the only straight i’ll save
YeehawAndWellMet: :D!!!
YeehawAndWellMet: have a fun date night!!
ActualWiccan: it’s not a date night, it’s a ‘we watch one movie halfway before teddy ends up snoring night’ :/
YeehawAndWellMet: yeah come talk to me complaining when you’re texting me about how cute he is when he sleeps later
ActualWiccan: don’t call me out
YeehawAndWellMet: i’m legally obligated to expose you for everything ever
ActualWiccan: I’ll tell the play director that you don’t really have a british accent
YeehawAndWellMet: BILLY
ActualWiccan: maybe if you hadn’t been born in oklahoma :/
YeehawAndWellMet: I’m leaving before I get bullied some more :’(
YeehawAndWellMet: but do have fun!
ActualWiccan: yeah have fun at your weirdo art exhibit
YeehawAndWellMet: :D!
From: Pikachu (Thor)
To: Enchantress<3 (Amora)
Pikachu: I’ll pick you up at seven!
Enchantress<3: See you then Xx
Enchantress<3: Should I bring some of Skurge’s cookies?
Pikachu: ABSOLUTELY
Enchantress<3: Nice
Enchantress<3: Also do you know if Natasha Romanoff is proper into me or what?
Pikachu: Amora please don’t date one of my friends I can’t deal with the drama of that fallout in my life.
Enchantress<3: boo :/
Enchantress<3: but fine, okay
Enchantress<3: See you at seven~