Archive of Our Own

Izuku knows he has a few...issues. In some areas. Mostly centered around the fact he’s quite possibly the biggest over-thinker on the planet and also a very big contender in the ‘over-reactor’ department too. The biggest example of this would be when Kacchan first asked him out, red-faced and stuttering, in the locker room of Endeavor’s agency after a particularly tiring mission, and Izuku reacted by bursting into tears, punching a locker hard enough to dent it and running out into the stairwell. 

Had he stopped for one minute to consider Kacchan’s face, his posture, their relationship for all of their third year, Kacchan’s sincerity would have been crystal clear. But, well...he hadn’t. 

Bless Kacchan and his obstinacy for following Izuku right out into the stairwell too, yelling, “Shitty Deku! The fuck kind of answer is that, hah?”

Did it attract all sorts of attention? Yes. Did it go a long way towards convincing Izuku that Kacchan was asking him out for real and not as a cruel joke? Also yes. Was it the most embarrassing thing that happened to him in the whole school year? Yes, yes, yes.

(Bless Shouto too, for somehow distracting Endeavor long enough to delay his post-mission lecture and giving Izuku and Kacchan a chance to get themselves in order. Endeavor was the last person he would have wanted to meet post-confession.)

But anyway, the point is that Izuku has a much better handle on his strengths and weaknesses by now. He knows he has a habit of overthinking things and letting his anxieties get the best of him. That’s why he doesn’t exactly want to bring this up. 

Shouto-kun! Can you help me with my English report again? I made all the corrections you suggested! Want to meet up at my place?

Hey Shouto-kun, are you feeling okay? You never replied. Kacchan and I are going to the mall in an hour, do you want to come too? Baskin Robbins has a new cotton candy flavor I’m dying to try.

We’re done at the mall, Kacchan’s complaining that the ice-cream was too sweet, haha! Mind if we come over and crash for a bit?

Shouto-kun, just wanted to let you know that we have a test the first day after vacation ends. Present Mic is so mean! Study hard! 

Izuku bites his lip as he reads the last text. God, how desperate does he sound? All of his texts have been unseen so far. Shouto never does that. Izuku thinks that the longest Shouto has ever gone without replying to him was an hour, max. And Izuku can’t help but worry that something’s wrong. 

Maybe something’s happened. Maybe Shouto is angry or upset or worse, missing and no one knows and Izuku hasn’t been told. Maybe the police are trying to handle it themselves, maybe Endeavor is trying to protect his reputation, maybe—maybe— 

The more rational part of him tells him that he’s being absolutely ridiculous. Shouto can’t just disappear without him knowing. Without them knowing. Aizawa-sensei at least would be informed, and he would never keep the rest of them in the dark. Not after everything they’ve been through together. 

No. No, the far more likely scenario is that Shouto is just...busy. It’s winter vacation after all, maybe he’s on a trip with Fuyumi-san and the rest (without telling him or Kacchan?), maybe they’ve gone somewhere with a weak network (no posts on social media either?).

(It’s not, Izuku tells himself, that Shouto’s grown tired of him. That he doesn’t want to talk to Izuku anymore, that he’s had enough of him. It’s not. Izuku will not doubt one of his best friends like that so his brain can kindly just shut up. )

“The fuck’s your problem, nerd?” The rough voice cuts through his thoughts suddenly, making him drop his phone with a yelp. It clatters under his desk, forcing him to dive down to retrieve it. When he re-emerges, it's to come face-to-face with Kacchan’s judgemental gaze. 

“Ahahaha...Kacchan,” Izuku laughs nervously. “Up? Nothing’s up! Everything’s fine!”

Kacchan narrows his eyes and Izuku tries not to gulp. Slowly, Kacchan rises from where he’d been lying on Izuku’s bed, doing his homework. “Wanna try that again, Deku?”

Izuku lowers his eyes to his phone, thumbing across the dark screen where Shouto’s profile picture had been. And therein lies the other reason he doesn’t quite want to think about Shouto-kun right now. He’s just...God, he’s so selfish and awful. He loves Kacchan, he does. So much that sometimes he thinks, even at their worst, he’d never really stopped loving him. But after the Sports Festival, after Stain...there were a few moments when he thought that…

“Deku?” Kacchan asks, voice gentle in a way it never would have been back in first year. They’ve come a long way, and he knows that a lot of Kacchan’s change is because of Shouto-kun too. He should have a little more faith, right? In Kacchan, and in himself too.

“Umm, Kacchan, I’ve been thinking,” he starts haltingly, “about Shouto-kun.”

And then Kacchan does something Izuku doesn’t expect. He bristles, shoulders tensing in a way that makes Izuku feel uncomfortable. “What about him?” he asks.

“I’m, um, well, I’m worried,” Izuku answers softly. “He’s not been replying to my texts at all. What about you? You don’t think something could have happened to him, do you?”

Katsuki scoffs. “We’d know,” he growls, turning back to his book. “You don’t think we’d know?”

And all of a sudden, Izuku feels angry. Is Kacchan just blowing him off? “Kacchan! This is serious! How can you just—”

“It’s not just your stupid text messages!” he snaps back. “Or haven’t you noticed? Stupid Icyhot’s been acting off for ages now.”

Izuku snaps his mouth shut. “What...what do you mean?”

Kacchan rolls his eyes, but by now Izuku can read between the lines when it comes to his boyfriend. He’s seen it every time he gets hurt and Kacchan explodes at him (figuratively speaking) for being so unbelievably reckless, but Izuku knows it’s not really anger . Or rather, it’s the kind of anger Katsuki projects when he doesn’t want to admit that he’s worried. Izuku can’t help but feel a little relieved that Kacchan obviously cares about Shouto too. “He’s been skipping out on get-togethers, he doesn’t walk to the dorms with us after patrol—”

“He said he was doing some extra training!” Izuku protests.

“Exactly. That’s what he does when he’s got shit on his mind. He trains ‘til he gets it out of his system.”

“Oh…” Izuku looks down, stomach twisting unpleasantly. Kacchan knows that about Shouto-kun. Well of course he does, they’re friends after all. But Kacchan knew and Izuku didn’t. That’s...they’ve been friends longer, shouldn’t he have known? 

Izuku shakes his head, trying to dislodge that thought from his mind. No, no, no. He recognizes the feeling in his chest, that sourness, and he is not going to think that. Not about his boyfriend and his...other friend.

“Oi, Deku.”

Izuku startles out his thoughts (was he mumbling again? He hopes not, the last thing he needs is for Kacchan to hear these stupid, confusing feelings inside which mean nothing because they can’t of course, not when he’s happy with Kacchan—)

“It’s whatever,” Kacchan says, voice low, angry but also...hurt? “If he wants to fucking overheat himself everyday, that’s his business. I don’t give a shit . If he wants to talk, he’ll talk. Or he can just fuck off. I’ve got no business begging him like a dog for scraps and neither do you, so just forget about it, okay ?”

And oh, there’s something in Kacchan’s voice, in his gaze, in the slope of his eyebrows, that Izuku recognizes. Hesitantly, he gets up on the bed and wraps his arms around Kacchan’s shoulders and pushes until his boyfriend lands backwards onto the mattress with a grunt. Like this, he’s on top of him, chin digging into Kacchan’s sternum. 

“Kacchan, are you...is everything okay between—?”

 Kacchan lets out a frustrated noise, fisting his hand in Izuku’s hair. “Stop fucking thinking about Icyhot,” he growls and licks his lips, ruby red eyes burning into Izuku’s, “and focus on me .” 

And when Kacchan gets like that, Izuku can’t ever seem to disobey.

What’s wrong with you, the hell are you skipping out on us for? 

If it’s your old man, we can kick his ass, you know.

I know. It’s not him.

Then? Deku’s been complaining. Says he misses you. Next patrol, you’re buying.

The fuck? Don’t seen-zone me, you half-n-half bastard! Answer when I’m talking! 

Seriously, what is your problem? Winter vacation’s gonna start soon. You coming to my place with Deku or what? Skipping that too?

I’d rather not. And I’d rather if you didn’t message me further. I’m not feeling up to dealing with this right now.

This?

You.

Fuck you.  

There’s a fundamental difference between himself and Kacchan that Izuku’s able to pinpoint now. Kacchan cares, of course he does. But Kacchan also cares about his own pride a lot too. If Kacchan reached out and Shouto rebuked him (Shouto has this thing, sometimes, where he says exactly the wrong thing; Izuku’s sure he didn’t mean to hurt Kacchan, maybe he didn’t even realise what he was saying) then Kacchan probably won’t try again until Shouto does something to smooth it over. Which knowing the two of them, will probably just involve buying the other lunch, or making an inane comment that’s sure to tick Kacchan off and force him to start talking to Shouto again, or just being paired up during training and beating the snot out of each other. God forbid they ever talk to each other, he thinks fondly. Shouto’s apologized to him plenty of times but he and Kacchan just have a different language altogether. 

As for Izuku, though, he doesn’t think he really has any pride to speak of. And even though Kacchan told him to let it go, if it’s about one of his friends, if they’re somehow hurting (if Shouto is somehow hurting), Izuku doesn’t think he can let it go. He has to at least try and help first.

That’s why, on Monday, he decides come hell or high water, he’s going to talk to Shouto. 

His resolve lasts until Shouto actually walks into the room. He’s almost late on their first day back from winter vacation and when he finally makes it, his face is schooled to an exceptionally blank look Izuku hasn’t seen in ages.

Those absent eyes travel across the room, as if memorizing everything, and when they land on Izuku, there’s...nothing. His gaze lingers but it looks almost clinical, like he’s filling out  a checklist, cataloguing his features as one might a stranger’s. There’s no warmth there. Looking at him makes Izuku feel like someone’s dropped a bucket of cold water on him. He hadn’t even realized how much Shouto usually smiles at them, how it seems like such a natural reaction between the three of them, until right at this moment, looking into that empty expression. 

Shouto’s gaze slides off of him as Aizawa hops up from his sleeping bag to bark at everyone to get into their seats.

It’s just him, right? He’s overthinking Shouto’s lack of reaction, right? One forgotten morning greeting means nothing, right? Shouto’s gaze was just tired, not cold, right?

Izuku looks over to where Kacchan’s sitting beside him and meets his equally baffled expression, watches his eyes travel to over to Shouto who doesn’t even look up once.

Izuku’s heart sinks in his chest. 

Shouto doesn’t sit at their usual table at lunch, instead taking his habitual tray of cold soba and settling somewhere near the back of the cafeteria, but that’s fine. Izuku just takes his tray and follows. With a huff and the scrape of a chair, he hears Kacchan get up as well and can’t help but smile.

Izuku’s never been one to give up on a puzzle, and Shouto’s oddness is just the final nail in the coffin that proves something is definitely up with him. So of course Izuku goes to him; how could he not? Kacchan’s attitude from the night before makes him think that maybe asking Shouto what’s going on outright isn’t the right way to go about this, though. Which is fine, Izuku can be subtle.

“Shouto-kun!” he calls out as he nears Shouto’s new table. “How are you? Was your vacation alright? I mean why wouldn’t it be, haha, I’m sure you had a great time doing...whatever it is you were doing, and uh—”

Behind him, Kacchan gives a horrible, hacking cough, and Izuku can feel him pinching the back of his uniform. Izuku flushes. That’s probably his cue to shut up. 

Kacchan proceeds to dump his tray on the table and loudly, obnoxiously dig into his curry bowl. 

Shouto blinks up at him owlishly, as if brought out from a daze. “I-zu-ku,” he says slowly, as though testing out the words for the first time, which is ridiculous because they’ve been on a first name basis for ages now—ever since Izuku called him ‘Shouto’ on the field and Shouto decided to reciprocate, somehow managing to forget that ‘Shouto’ is his hero name. 

“Can I help you?” Shouto asks, perfectly polite and foreign.

Bakugou scoffs, spoon clattering against his bowl. “You could start by telling us why the fuck you’re not sitting with us.”

“Ah. I...needed a change of scenery?” 

Izuku shares a look with Kacchan. He’s about to explode, Izuku can see it.

“Ah—ah well, that’s understandable!” Even though it’s not. “A—anyway, it’s good to see you,” he says earnestly, one eye on Kacchan. “We really missed you, you know? I guess...I never realized how much we see each other everyday until we, um, didn’t. So, uh, would you like to study together in the library after class today? We have that big math test tomorrow.”

Shouto looks down at his bowl of soba but Izuku can still see an odd flush on his cheeks. Hmmm. Maybe he does have a fever after all, and Shouto just hadn’t sat with them because he didn’t want them catching it?

“...Sure, why not?” he finally replies with a small smile. “I’d like to.”

Izuku beams at him and sets his tray down before turning his smile on Kacchan, who only rolls his eyes, but Izuku can see the relief in them too. Whatever brooding their angsty pretty boy is up to, it doesn’t seem to be too bad, after all.

Later, in the library, everything seems completely normal. Shouto’s quieter than usual, but when Izuku asks him if he’s been feeling unwell, he hesitantly admits to having a fever. Of course the explosion Kacchan has been holding in all day finally bursts forth. 

“Idiot!” he scolds, getting up from his chair and unwinding the scarf from around his own neck. “Dumbass! It’s halfway through our last year and you’re going to pull this shit on us now?”

Shouto turns to Izuku, looking bewildered, but Izuku just shrugs. Kacchan has about five outbursts a day, he was long overdue for one. Kacchan loops his scarf around Shouto’s neck who blushes. It’s ridiculously endearing and it makes Izuku feel far too uncomfortable. His eyes linger on the way Kacchan’s hands rest on Shouto’s lapels.   

“You don’t know the first thing about taking care of yourself, do you?” Kacchan grumbles. Then he reaches up to brush the hair out of Shouto’s eyes. 

Shouto freezes so suddenly that Kacchan pauses, hands hovering in the air. Shouto’s face contorts, almost as if in pain, before he hunches over and starts coughing into his fist. It sounds awful, wet and rasping, each one shaking his entire frame.

“Hey Halfie—” Kacchan’s hands go still but Shouto slaps them away. He stands up, still coughing, looking at the two of them with wild, frightened eyes before turning tail and running for the exit.

Izuku shares another look with Kacchan.

“What the fuck?” 

Answer your phone

Look I’m outside, can you open the door?

You sleeping?

Don’t go getting sick, if you don’t make it to graduation I’ll never forgive you. You and Deku are the only real challenge around here

I made you some soup. I’m leaving it outside the door. Don’t go tripping over it alright. And make sure you finish ALL of it.

Thank you.

The next day Shouto doesn’t show up to class, which makes him think that the fever must have gotten worse. Kacchan tells him that he left soup at for Shouto and Yaoyorozu lets him know that he messaged her at night to ask for help with studying, so he tries to tamp down the worry. Shouto-kun’s well taken care of. 

“Studying together was a little difficult, though,” Yaoyorozu muses with a frown. “It almost seemed like he didn’t have a single clue what the material was about.” Which is ridiculous; the three of them have been studying maths together for a long time. Izuku and Kacchan are both better than Shouto at Maths but not by much, and he’s still better than them at English. Studying together is just productive. They always challenge each other, the three of them.

Shouto is late again today, looking more harried than blank this time as he hastily slides into his seat. There isn’t any time to fret over him before class is starting, and before he knows it they have their Maths test and their classwork and then Shouto disappears during lunch break.

After class, though, they have patrol together, so while everyone else heads out after the last bell rings, Kacchan and Izuku head over to his desk. Shouto’s being slower than usual, packing his books up almost lethargically.

“You look like shit. Did you drink the soup?” Kacchan says by now of greeting.

“...Yes. Thank you.” Todoroki’s face is red again and he looks uncomfortable. The fever must be taking a toll on him. He swings his bag over his shoulder. “I should probably go and get some rest—”

“Oh, but we have patrol, though!” Izuku protests. “Or are you taking the day off?”

At that, Shouto almost trips over his own feet as he gets up from the table. “No...no, not skipping. I guess I just...forgot.”

Kacchan punches his shoulder. “Dumbass. You’re lucky you have us around.”

They fall into step with each other like always as they leave the school premises, but this time, Shouto’s staring at the ground with his eyebrows furrowed, looking worried. Izuku nudges him gently. “Don’t worry, Shouto-kun! It doesn’t matter if you’re sick, we’re here! We’ll always have your back, no matter what.”

To Izuku’s surprise, Shouto only grimaces in response.

Shouto’s quiet for their entire trip to Endeavor’s agency, citing a bad throat. It’s not unusual for him to be reserved, but not everyone knows how downright snarky Shouto’s humour can be, especially where Kacchan is concerned. He doesn’t bother to rise to any of Kacchan’s taunts this time, however, and when they’re actually out on patrol, Izuku realizes that Shouto really is more out of it than he let on.

They don’t do patrols together often, mostly because it’s a waste to have three powerhouses like them in the same route, but at least once a month Endeavor schedules one. It gives people confidence, to see students from UA’s most infamous batch working together. Nevertheless, patrol routes for agencies are more or less the same. They aren’t hard to memorize, so by the third time Shouto almost takes a wrong turn or looks lost at what should be a familiar intersection, Izuku thinks that he really should have taken the day off. 

Izuku raises his eyebrows at Kacchan behind Shouto’s back, who makes a slicing motion across his neck with his hand. Right. Well, then.

“Shouto-kun, maybe you should take the day off after all? You don’t, um, seem to be at your best today.” He reaches out to touch Shouto’s elbow, only to have him jerk violently away from the contact.  

The three of them stop dead in their tracks. Izuku’s hand is still outstretched, Shouto looks almost nauseated looking at it, and for once, Kacchan seems at a loss for words. 

Before any of them can say anything, there’s the sound of screeching tires and they immediately spring apart, seeking out the commotion instinctively. Joyriders, Izuku thinks, catching sight of two people behind the wheel of an ostentatious red car. But no, the girl sitting in the front seat is decked out with a neck full of gold jewelry. A robbery, then. 

Shouto reacts first, right foot sliding forward to release a wave of ice onto the road that reaches the vehicle in a flash, freezing the tires solid to the road. Izuku’s off next, with Black Whip extending tendrils at the perpetrators. The girl is immediately restrained; the other man manages to dodge as he jumps out of the car. 

Kacchan is already in the air, chasing after the one running away, almost closing in when—

The other guy flickers out of existence. 

An invisibility quirk? Or teleportation? Either would explain how they got into a jewelry store without a police alert, even if reckless joyriding did ruin the finesse of it. The man flickers back into sight, this time on the opposite end of the frozen street, seemingly deciding to take his chances with Shouto rather than Kacchan. But he reappeared so soon…his quirk must not be the greatest with distance or time. 

Shouto is already shooting ice towards the teleporting villain in spikes, but he keeps using his quirk to dodge. What if he can teleport out of restraints, too?  What if ice can’t trap him? Could Black Whip? Ah, shit, shit—Kacchan is heading back towards the other two and he looks pissed off—

One momentary lapse of concentration, that’s all it takes for the woman to break free of Black Whip’s restraints, and Izuku’s concentration is wrenched back. He has one wild second to think ‘oh my god, oh my god, she has retractable chainsaw hands’ and then he’s the one doing the dodging.

The whirring noise deafens him to all other sounds. That coupled with danger of being shredded alive makes sure he can’t think more about the teleportation guy. However, as the woman swings left and right at him, Izuku quickly realizes that this isn’t a villain accustomed to fighting. Maybe ‘villain’ isn’t even the right word for her; maybe she’s just one of those people who want a bit of excitement in their lives and think committing a crime is the way to do it.

Left. Right. Uppercut. Stab. Her moves are predictable, easy to dodge, Izuku can already see her next three steps in his mind’s eye; he side-steps her one last time and with one clean punch, knocks her out.

It couldn’t have taken more than thirty seconds. With a little smile to himself, he turns his attention back to the other half of the fight...only to find Kacchan frozen solid in the middle of the street, Shouto with his head in his hands, and the teleporting villain nowhere in sight.

“...Guys?”

By now Izuku has worked with a decent number of hero agencies, almost all of them with Pros who are at the top of the rankings. Nevertheless, by the end of third year, he found himself gravitating towards Endeavor once more. Despite everything, Endeavor is still one of the best at this job; and, more importantly, he is Shouto’s father. Shouto himself is unable to cut away from the man. And Izuku wants to be there for his friend.  As for Kacchan, well, if Izuku and Shouto intern with the Number One Pro Hero, how can he stay behind?

Izuku has never been afraid of Endeavor, but he still doesn’t like failing in front of the man. It irks him a little, if only because most of the criticism he levies at their failures tends to be legitimate . That’s what makes it all the more annoying. But for Shouto, however...for Shouto it’s always so much more than just criticism.

(A childhood of being treated as a possession and not a person, of never being good enough, of so much hurt...Izuku will always stand by what he’s said. Shouto is an incredibly kind person.)  

After being thawed out, Kacchan has to be escorted back to the agency infirmary by Shouto—hypothermia is no joke, after all—while Izuku ends up staying behind to report the escape to the police. At least most of the jewelry was on the woman and not the man.

When he gets back, the infirmary is, predictably, in chaos. 

“I said I was sorry! What more could you want?”

“S-sorry isn’t g-good enough you shitty Half-n-Half bastard! That asshole g-got away! And your m-moves were completely off today! I d-on’t even know what you were t-trying to do.”

Kacchan is sitting on a bed, an electric blanket wrapped around his shoulders, grinding his teeth so hard that Izuku can hear it from all the way across the room, most likely trying to keep them from chattering. 

Shouto makes a frustrated noise. “If you hadn’t gotten in my way and let me handle it, this wouldn’t have happened—”

“Gotten in your w-way?” Izuku should say something. He should interrupt or else this will get out of hand; an escaped villain is disappointing, but it’s not worth fighting over, so he really should say something, but he can’t. He can’t, because of the way Kacchan’s voice just cracked.    

“Gotten in your way ? You asshole!”

“I was trying to get the job done before—”

“I d-didn’t get in your way, y-you got in mine because for some fucking reason you didn’t read any of my cues right—”

“Your cues? So I’m supposed to just, what, let you lead?”  

“You’re supposed to trust me! We’re s-supposed to work t-together. You didn’t even look at me!” 

Kacchan is trembling almost violently now. He looks so distraught, Izuku’s almost certain he’s about to burst into tears. Kacchan, to his knowledge, has never cried in front of anyone except for him and All Might.

Izuku crosses the room without even thinking about it and he doesn’t stop until he’s right there on the bed next to Kacchan. He’s shaky and clammy to touch but that doesn’t stop Izuku from wrapping his arms around him. 

“Kacchan,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Kacchan, it’s okay. Calm down.”

Shouto looks back and forth between Izuku and Katsuki, a look of regret fast passing through his features. “I—I didn’t—I’m—”  He slaps a hand across his mouth, looking nauseated again. There are tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and Izuku finds himself letting go of Kacchan to reach out to Shouto instead. But before he gets the chance to do anything, the presence at the door calls their attention.

“Shouto.” 

Endeavor is there, standing by the door with his flames extinguished, an unreadable expression on his face. Shouto turns to him with that tearful expression and Izuku tenses up. Beside him, he can feel Kacchan freeze as well.

Endeavor doesn’t say anything, simply jerks his head towards the door and Shouto immediately takes that as his cue to leave. He rushes out, one hand still pressed to his mouth and pushes past Endeavor. And then he’s gone. It’s just the three of them left in the infirmary room. 

“I fucking told him not to fucking do his work-study with you again.” Kacchan says quietly. “I told him he didn’t have to forgive any of your shit.”  

“You two…”      

Kacchan throws off the electric blanket, standing up on shaky legs to glare at Endeavor. “I don’t know what’s up with him, but if I find out you’re the fucking reason for it...I’m going to kill you, you hear me?”

“Kacchan!”

Endeavor looks at them with his tired, steady gaze before sighing. “Go home,” he says. “You’re all done for the day.”

You left without saying goodnight…

What, I need to tuck you in and kiss you goodnight too? Go to sleep

Kacchan its 10 pm

I  said what I said

Kacchan

Do you want to talk about it?

Fuck you no

Shouto-kun trusts you, you know that right? Today was a mess but I know he trusts you

Yeah? Then why the hell did he treat me like that? Like I’m his goddamn competition.

You’re upset because he treated you like a rival. Instead of a friend.

Yea I guess

We’re not 15 anymore. I thought we were past that. You, me and him, UA’s big, shiny new Big 3 or whatever.

Oh Kacchan!!!

It's not just that though. You didn’t see him. It’s like he forgot how we fight together. Or he just didn’t wanna cooperate at all.

I’m worried about Shouto-kun. I know he said it was a fever

You don’t buy it?

Well he’s definitely sick I think he’s also upset about something

We should talk to him together tomorrow

Kacchan I know you’re upset. But I know you care too.

Besides you promised to kick Endeavor’s butt!

ALRIGHT.

Ugh, we’ll catch him after class and yank the truth out of him. Happy? Now go to bed. 

Kacchan

Now what?

Can I come over to your room?

Fine    

Izuku doesn't like the shape this... thing with Shouto-kun is taking, especially when Shouto walks in late again. This time Aizawa-sensei doesn’t even bother scolding him. 

Shouto looks worse than before, with dark circles under his eyes, and he keeps holding his head in his hands throughout class as if he’s got a migraine. He coughs, too, loud enough to draw attention which has even Uraraka, Iida and Yaoyorozu trading worried glances. 

If Shouto-kun is this sick, he shouldn’t be coming to class. They all have trouble with letting go and just resting . It should be hypocritical of him to think it(Izuku is more than aware that he’s probably the worst offender when it comes to this sort of thing) but...that’s why they have each other. Whenever Shouto is overworking himself, Kacchan is right there to bully him into bed. When Izuku is overthinking, Shouto-kun is always there, offering him half of his soba, the complete dork. And whenever the other two are upset, Izuku will always, always say ‘it’s alright, I’m here for you .’

They’re a team. They make each other better. 

By Maths class, Shouto looks practically dead to the world. He’s always had a habit of taking naps at awkward times (Izuku suspects it has something to do with never really being allowed to rest, growing up) but he never sleeps in class. He jerks awake when Ectoplasm nudges him with the paper and Izuku sees him take one look at his test sheet and then crumple the whole thing in his fists.

Izuku looks at Kacchan. Kacchan looks back. The message is clear. They definitely aren’t going to wait until the end of class. Lunch break it is.

Except Shouto-kun, of course, has to make things difficult by bolting again as soon as the bell rings. By the time Izuku makes it out of the classroom, he’s disappeared but Kaminari helpfully points towards the boy’s restroom at the end of the hall when he sees Izuku’s frazzled expression.

Shouto jerks back violently from where he was bent over the sink as Izuku enters the restroom, quickly hiding his hands behind his back. The crumpled test paper flutters onto the floor between them. Instinctively, Izuku bends to pick it up.

“No, wait, don’t—”

But it’s too late, the paper is already in his hands. Even in its crumpled state, the big red zero is unmistakable. Izuku gapes. Shouto has consistently been in the top ten throughout high school. They studied this material together. There’s a big difference between not doing well in a test and getting a zero.

“This test…” His words die in his mouth as his gaze lands on the sink. “Shouto-kun, is that blood ?”

Shouto grits his teeth, gaze flitting from the mess of red-tinged spittle in the sink to the paper in Izuku’s hands. He reminds Izuku of a cornered animal.

“Shouto-kun,” he says, taking a step forward only to stop when Shouto freezes up. “Is that—are you—”

“Stop,” Shouto croaks, voice hoarse. “Just stop, okay? Don’t come any closer.”

Izuku hears the restroom door open behind him,hears Kacchan’s quiet, whispered ‘the fuck,’ but he can’t look away from Shouto’s anguished face. 

“This is all your fault,” Shouto says through clenched teeth. “If you—both of you—could just keep away—just give me one second to breathe! But no, you just have to keep butting in all the time…”

Shouto’s voice drops away to nothing. Through blurry eyes, Izuku sees the revulsion in his face giving way to surprise, and then horror. Tears spill over his eyes, his hands clench at the crumpled paper, almost tearing it in half. Still, he doesn’t move to wipe them away. He can’t move, can’t look away from Shouto.

He has never, ever spoken to Izuku like that. Many people have, with that seething, angry voice that made him feel an inch tall, but not Shouto . Not once. Not even when he’d declared them rivals, once upon a time. It feels like a physical blow, like his heart is cracking into pieces right there in the restroom.   

“ Izuku. Izuku, I didn’t—”

“Motherfucker!” 

Kacchan shoulders past him, grabbing onto Shouto’s lapels and slamming him into the wall. Shouto doesn’t even resist, just clenches his hands tighter behind his back. “Fucker! You think you’re just so much better than us? You think you’re good enough to not need anybody, huh ? Aren’t we past this shit?”

Kacchan punctuates each sentence with a little shake and Shouto just takes it, with wide, frightened eyes. That’s what galvanizes Izuku into action at last. 

“Kacchan,” he cries out, grabbing onto one of his arms. “Kacchan, stop, please!” 

There’s a moment when Kacchan’s hands tighten further around Shouto’s jacket, a moment Izuku thinks he won’t listen. Then with an angry growl, Kacchan releases him. “Fucker!” he spits again, and then storms out of the restroom. The door shuts behind him with a bang.

“S-Shouto-kun, I-I’m sorry to have bothered you,” he chokes out. “I’ll, um, I’ll l-leave you alone for now.”

And when Izuku walks out the door, Shouto doesn’t even try to stop him.

Kacchan grabs Izuku’s hand the moment he steps out and drags him into the nearest classroom.

“What’s your problem?” Kacchan shouts. “Did you hear what he said? How can you just fucking let it go—” 

“Did you see him ? He’s obviously not okay!” Izuku shouts back. 

“So, what, it’s okay for him to treat you like trash?”

“No! No, it’s not that!” He bites back a frustrated groan. “How can you think something like that about him? It’s like you don’t care at all!”

He regrets it almost immediately, when he sees the pain flash across Kacchan’s face. Kacchan cares, he knows that. He noticed that something was off with Shouto even before Izuku did. Kacchan’s only upset, just like Izuku is right now, just like Shouto is. Kacchan shows his feelings in a different way, is all.  

He reaches out with a trembling hand, intent on soothing away the hurt he caused, when Kacchan speaks again with a quivering voice.

“And what about you?” he asks quietly. “Why do you always care so goddamn much? It’s always Icyhot with you, isn’t it? Shouto-kun this, Shouto-kun that! How’s that supposed to make me feel? God, even when we were kids you could never take a hint or give people space, always following me around—” 

Izuku falters, dropping his hand. Kacchan’s not suggesting...he’s not...is he? “Kacchan,” he says softly. “We’re done here.”

“The fuck are you—”

“We shouldn’t talk about this anymore. Not like this. We’re going to say things we regret.” He turns away and puts his hand on the doorknob before Kacchan can see the tears fall, bites his lip so that the sob stuck in his throat can’t escape.

It’s definitely not the first time Kacchan has made him cry. Contrary to what Kacchan seems to believe, today’s not the first time Shouto-kun has made him cry either, even if the context today is...different. None of that matters. Just because he cries easily doesn’t mean he’s weak and he needs Kacchan to defend him. Izuku knows when to walk away without a fight, just like he’s doing right now. And he knows when not to give up as well. When it comes to Shouto—and Kacchan—the answer is never. He’s never going to give up on them. 

I’m sorry.

You don’t have to reply.

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.

For making Midoriya cry. For being the cause of your fight.

Fucking eavesdropper 

I never meant to hurt Midoriya. And I never meant to come between the two of you. I really didn’t. I’ll try my best not to from now on.  

Can you stop it with that shit

Look

Just talk to us

Shouto, please.

Shouto doesn’t show up to class in the next period or the one after that. No one mentions it. In fact, everyone steadily avoids eye contact with Izuku which must mean everyone knows , that they all heard what Kacchan said about him. What Shouto said. 

There’s a whirlwind of anxieties swimming around his head, making concentrating impossible, but Izuku viciously tamps them down with the truth. 

Kacchan is emotional just like Izuku is. Where Izuku cries, Kacchan gets violently defensive. Kacchan is hurt just like Izuku is, but he expresses it by trying to protect himself first. Kacchan cares, he just needs some time to calm down. They’ve come too far to let this come between them now.     

(And it’s not what Kacchan suggested. It’s not true. Izuku doesn’t—he wouldn’t play favorites like that. Kacchan doesn’t doubt Izuku like that. Kacchan’s hurt and he lashed out. That’s it. It has to be.)

Shouto quietly slips back in with the rest of the class when they’re making their way to the gym for the last period of the day. Again, Aizawa doesn’t say anything. Again, everyone stares except for Kacchan, who makes a show of glaring at the guy.

Izuku doesn’t have that kind of self-control. Despite the way his eyes are still heavy from crying, despite what Shouto told him, he still can’t help himself. And Shouto doesn’t look any worse for the wear. In fact he looks...blank. He stares straight ahead but he doesn’t seem to be seeing anything. Izuku drops his gaze.

Izuku knows that Shouto has a tendency to bottle his feelings up, to suppress the parts of himself he feels are unpleasant and put on a blank facade. He also knows that usually, he or Kacchan can get those feelings to resurface.

(Shouto didn’t mean it either, he has to remind himself. He just needs some space. It’s fine. Izuku knows he can be nosy and pushy and he can’t let things go. But he will, for Shouto. He’ll give Shouto space.)

At the gym, they’re all split into pairs. It’s basic stuff; at this point in their schooling, gym barely matters anymore. Izuku suspects they keep it around just because it’s fun, to let the kids have an hour to go crazy with their quirks. If Kacchan is to be believed, now’s probably the time Shouto will be able to release his stress. 

Thankfully, Izuku isn’t paired with either of them. He follows Sato and takes special care not to notice where either Shouto or Kacchan are positioned. 

It’s supposed to be a straight-forward class with simple quirk-based fighting, but nothing has been simple so far for this whole week. 

Halfway through the class, while he’s busy dodging Sato’s blows, Izuku faintly hears Tokoyami let out a loud cry of “Todoroki!” His feet start moving without conscious thought. 

At the very end of the gym, Shouto is on his back, one hand clutched to his face with an uncharacteristically frazzled Tokoyami hovering over him. In two leaps, Izuku is there too.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. He should have been paying attention, should’ve watched where Shouto had gone instead of nursing his bruised feelings, and now he was hurt!  

“What happened?” he demands.

“I have no idea,” Tokoyami replies. “Dark Shadow merely got in a good hit. I was expecting him to use his left side to counter-attack, but he didn’t. My attack landed harder than it should have. But perhaps that was my fault? He has not been performing up to his usual standards today.”

“Shouto-kun. Can you hear me?” Shouto looks dazed and unfocused. Shit, does he have a concussion? 

He extends his hand out to him and for the second time that day, Shouto flinches away from his touch.

“S-sorry,” Shouto chokes out. “Sorry, I—”

“It’s okay,” Izuku rushes to say. “It’s okay, Shouto-kun, don’t worry about it, are you okay? Can you stand? Should I take you to Recovery Girl?”

“I—Sorry, but...who are you?”

...What?

Izuku reels back in shock. There’s no malice or mirth in Shouto’s eyes, no hint of a joke, nothing but genuine confusion. What the hell?

“Shouto-kun—”

Izuku reaches out again, even though he doesn’t know what he’s going to say or do. He doesn’t know anything at all except that there has to be something completely wrong with the entire universe if Shouto can ask him that and mean it.

He doesn’t get the chance to do anything at all. Someone tugs his collar from behind, forcing him to whirl around. Kacchan and Iida are standing behind Tokoyami, all three of them looking shell-shocked. And there’s Aizawa-sensei, gazing at him with a resigned look of pity that Izuku is intimately familiar with by now.

“Problem child,” he sighs. “I’ll take it from here.”

The realization hits him then. Aizawa-sensei knows . He knows what’s wrong with Shouto and he didn’t tell them. He let Shouto hide it, he ignored Shouto’s tardiness and his poor health and now Shouto doesn’t even remember Izuku. It feels like a betrayal. 

“What’s wrong with him?” he asks. “Aizawa-sensei, what’s wrong with Shouto ?”

His teacher just keeps looking at him with that same expression. Izuku clenches his fist.

“Aizawa-sensei—”

“Midoriya-kun,” Iida calls out, sounding almost nervous. “Behaving in such a manner in front of a teacher is highly improper—”

“I need to know—”

“Fucking cool it with the quirk, Deku!”  

Kacchan’s voice cuts through the haze in Izuku’s brain and with a jolt, he realizes that he’d activated One For All without thinking. Fuck, in front of Aizawa-sensei too. He deactivates it as Kacchan strides over to grab him by the wrist. 

“You’re taking him to the infirmary, right?” Kacchan asks Aizawa-sensei, who eyes him warily before nodding.

“So class is cancelled?” 

“...I suppose it is,” he sighs.

“Good, because I’m getting the fuck out of here.”

And then he starts dragging Izuku out, staunchly ignoring Iida’s calls about propriety. The rest of the class have also gathered around, murmuring amongst themselves, but Izuku can’t be bothered to care. He cranes his neck around to see Aizawa helping Shouto up to his feet. Shouto sways unsteadily and Izuku is just about to rip his hand away and go back there when Kacchan’s words stop him.

“Come on, Deku. I think...I think I know what’s wrong with him.”         

They make their way back to the dorms in near silence. The tension between them reminds Izuku of their fight in Ground Beta, all those years ago. Kacchan refused to explain what he wanted this time too, citing that he needs to ‘check something first.’

Inside the building, instead of stopping in front of Kacchan’s room, they stop right in front of Shouto’s. Kacchan doesn’t even try to be subtle, just places his hand on the door and blasts it open.

“Kacchan!”

Soundly ignoring him, Kacchan marches straight in and starts rifling through Shouto’s drawers. The room smells stuffy, like someone had used too much floral air freshener. 

“Kacchan, what are you doing ?”

“Just shut up and look through his trash would you?”

Izuku is beyond confused but well, he’s also desperate and Kacchan apparently has answers. He locates the single dustbin beside Shouto’s study table but his stomach turns over at what he sees. The dustbin is full of red tissues.

“Kacchan…”

“Tch.” Kacchan shoves him aside, grabs the bin by the brim and then upends the whole whole thing. Instinctively repulsed, Izuku darts away but Kacchan doesn’t. Instead he’s looking at the spilled contents. The floral scent intensifies and with growing horror, he realizes that he’s looking at red flowers .

“Are those red carnations?”

“Who gives a shit?” Kacchan bursts out. “Look at this.” He holds out a little pill bottle and Izuku takes it from him with unsteady hands. The label has Shouto’s name on it, along with the name of a doctor, dosages and a list of side-effects. 

Memory-loss, dizziness, nausea.

“Shouto-kun...has hanahaki.”

“Yeah. And he’s been messing with his pills,” Kacchan says. “Look at the dosage on the bottle and look at how many pills are left.”

“I...how long have you known?”

“Today. Not even today just... when I saw the mess he made in the restroom. I mean I didn’t think about it at first but then...when he asked you…” 

Izuku’s head is swimming. It feels like too much has happened all at once. Shouto has hanahaki, he thinks. Shouto has been taking pills for it but for some reason, he’s been messing with the dosage. That’s why he’s been acting so off, so weird.

Shouto has hanahak i and it’s either for him...or Kacchan.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Kacchan says, not meeting Izuku’s gaze. His voice sounds raw, and Izuku can see that his fists are clenched. “Has to be. The two of you...ever since first year the two of you have been…you’ve got a bond, everyone can see that.”

“Kacchan…” Izuku starts but he’s not sure what to say in the face of his certainty. Because hasn’t he felt the same about Kacchan and Shouto? That they have a language and a connection all of their own? 

“He fucking forgot you. Don’t you see? It has to be you. That’s how the pills work. They’re supposed to make you forget your feelings but the little shit overdid it.”

“I—I—I don’t know, Kacchan, but...he’s losing all his memories. He must be, I don’t know, he must be doing something wrong—hanahaki medicine is extremely potent so—”

“So what?” he retorts, still not looking at Izuku. “Whatever he’s doing, he’s ruining himself with all of this fucking unrequited love bullshit. So the solution’s obvious. You have to go to him.”

Izuku’s blood runs cold. For a moment, he just gapes, unable to fathom what he’s hearing. “Kacchan, what?” he asks, aghast. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” and this time he finally does turn to look at Izuku, and his gaze is burning. He looks so stoic—no, he’s trying to look so stoic—but Izuku can see the anguish in his eyes. “That we should break up. You should—you should be with him. With Todoroki.”

“Kacchan! Don’t be ridiculous! I love you—”

“But you love him too, right?” he bursts out, loud and angry. His fist swings up to blindly thump against the wall of Shouto’s bedroom. His shoulders are shaking. “You love Todoroki too, right?”

“I...I…” And Izuku never wanted to give it this label, not even in the privacy of his own mind. Not when he’s with Kacchan, not when he’s so deeply in love with Kacchan. He didn’t want to admit this other feeling, one that’s been growing since their first year, but now that Kacchan has finally said it out loud...he can’t deny it.

“I thought so,” he replies when Izuku doesn’t answer, voice bitter and broken. “I knew it. So that’s that. Bastard’s so far gone over you that he’s ruining himself, but the overdramatic bitch doesn’t know that you feel the same. It’s like a fucking movie, all that’s left is for you to give him his happy ending.”

“And if I don’t want to break up with you?”

Katsuki flinches. “Don’t be stupid!” he barks hotly. “Hanahaki’s fatal and the medicine’s addling his brain! You love him too, so it should be easy for you to—” 

“It’s not easy! How could you possibly think that it’s easy?” Izuku interrupts, appalled at what he’s hearing. How can he think that Izuku could let go like that? After he’s spent years and years chasing after him? “And what about you?” He looks at Kacchan’s shaking frame, trying so hard to be still; at his ruby red eyes brimming with tears that he’s refusing to let fall. Slowly, things start falling into place. “What about Kacchan’s happy ending?”

He bristles and turns away again. “I’m not some weakling like that stupid Halfie. I’ll be fine, I’ll get over it—”

“You’re not a weakling,” Izuku agrees. His heart feels caught in his throat. “You’re not a weakling, but you’re selfish .” Katsuki’s eyes widen, outrage evident.

“You are,” he insists. “You’re selfish and entitled and you’ve never let anything go in your life without fighting for it first. So why aren’t you fighting for me?”  

Katsuki opens and closes his mouth but he doesn’t say anything. For a moment, Izuku lets the silence linger. 

“Because you love him, too,” Izuku finally answers softly. And Kacchan finally lets the tears fall.

Izuku crosses the length of his room quickly to put his hands on Katsuki’s face, rubbing away the tears. “You don’t know it’s me,” he says softly. “It could be you. Shouto could love you too. Sometimes...sometimes I think he does. The way he smiles at you…”

“The way he smiles at you ,” Kacchan retorts before laughing wetly. “God, this is so stupid. Look at us, what are we even arguing about? We’re back to square one. Shouto loves one of us and he’s fucking dying.” He laughs wryly again.

Izuku has to agree, it’s beyond ridiculous. Here he is, convincing the love of his life that the other person he’s stupidly in love with might love him too. What a horrible mess. He doesn’t know what he’s trying to accomplish, just that he’s certain that all the amazing things he sees when he looks at Kacchan, Shouto sees them too.

“Is this how it has to be?” he asks quietly. “One of us has to be without each other?”

Katsuki just shrugs helplessly in reply. 

“We are being stupid,” Izuku declares at last. “We’re doing what I do. We’re overthinking and panicking and...what we need to do is talk to Shouto. Both of us. Whatever he says...whoever he loves, we’ll deal with it together.”

“Together?” 

“Together,” Izuku confirms. “All three of us.”

If Izuku and Kacchan were smarter people, they would wait until they get into a better headspace to confront Shouto. They would wait until Shouto got back to the dorm room, or at the very least, wait more than an hour after Izuku nearly flared up his quirk at a teacher .

(Oh God, he really did that, didn’t he? Aizawa could have expelled him and he would have had every right to do so. Sensei was too good to them, no matter how much he liked to pretend otherwise.)

But apparently, they aren’t very smart. The waiting was making Izuku anxious, and his anxiety was making Kacchan angsty, and neither of them wanted to talk anymore about what they’d discovered—the fact that one of them was killing Shouto— 

So. They sneak out into the infirmary an hour later. It’s not too hard to do; three years’ worth of broken bones has given Izuku an intimate knowledge of all of Recovery Girl’s tea breaks. 

Outside the infirmary room, Izuku swallows thickly. Kacchan quickly takes his hand and squeezes. With one shared, nervous look, Izuku opens the door. Shouto looks up as they enter together. He glances from Kacchan to Izuku to their joined hands and his expression grows miserable.

“Izuku…”

“Oh, you remember me!” Relief floods into him and he almost feels like crying again. “Shouto-kun, I was so worried.”  

“I—I’m sorry,” he mumbles, looking down.

“You better fucking be! The hell were you thinking? Why would you mess around with your meds like that?”

Shouto’s mouth drops open. “I—you—so you know ?”

“...We know.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I tried to—to not feel this way, I really did. I didn’t want to ruin things for you two. You’re my best friends and you’re so happy together...I tried to be happy for you, too.” Shouto puts his hand over his chest, breathing harshly. Izuku fears that he’s going to start coughing again any minute. 

“It’s supposed to be manageable,” Shouto continues hoarsely. “It’s supposed to be okay if I just take my meds, and it was for a while...when I didn’t see you regularly during the break but...but then we got back to school and every time I looked at you, and I saw you two together, I would feel so—so—I took more—”

Shouto breaks into a sudden coughing fit; horrible, wet, hacking coughs that make Izuku feel cold all over. Both of them rush over quickly but Shouto holds up a hand to stop them. Petals drop from his mouth, red and sticky, and fall onto the bed sheets. Tears spill over Izuku’s own cheeks again. He can’t bring himself to ask the question he knows he should. He doesn’t want to know if it’s him or Kacchan causing Shouto so much pain.

“Sorry,” he mumbles again. 

“Stop apologizing, stupid,” Kacchan replies, voice rough with emotion. “Pretty sure you didn’t ask to fall in love.”

Shouto lets out a weak laugh. “Yeah, pretty sure I didn’t.”

None of them say anything. Shouto doesn’t look at them, but Izuku can’t look away from Shouto.

“I’ll get over it,” he promises them quietly. “I swear I will. I just need some time, or stronger medicine or—”

“Literally, fuck the medicine. It ain’t worth shit if you’re not gonna follow the rules. What you should have done was tell us the truth from the start.”

“Please,” Shouto scoffs. “I’m sure that would have gone over well. Hey Izuku, Katsuki, I know you’re both madly in love with each other but guess what? I’m madly in love with both of you too and it’s killing me so if you could please tone down the PDA—”

“What did you just say?” Izuku gasps.

“...Tone down the PDA?”

“No the other thing. You’re in love with us both ? Not one of us?” Kacchan asks.      

“...I mean, yes. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the two of you are kind of a package deal.” 

“Most people, um, stop at one.” Izuku’s not even sure what he’s saying. There’s a loop of ‘ in love with in love with both of you ’ playing in his head. Relief, sweet, warm, hysterical relief pours into every fiber of his being. 

“Aizawa-sensei could tell it was both of you right away.” Shouto sounds almost offended, this ridiculous human being, and Izuku bursts out laughing through his tears. God, he’s missed this. Shouto’s strange fixations and his absurd way of talking and just his entire personality that’s been missing from their interactions this whole week.

He’s not the only one relieved. 

“You stupid Half and Half fucker,” Kacchan roars, pouncing on the bed. “Do you just have like, half a brain cell too or something?”

Before Shouto can react, Kacchan pushes him down and presses their lips together. The wide-eyed surprise on Shouto’s face makes Izuku smile. His heart feels overfull and warm. When Kacchan lets go, he reaches over to curl a hand around Shouto’s neck.

“W-what...?”

“Us too,” he tells Shouto with a trembling smile. “Us too, Shouto-kun. We love you so much.”

Shouto opens his mouth to say something Izuku is already too busy leaning in to seal his lips over Shouto’s to care. They’re wet but warm, and kissing him feels like a puzzle piece finally slotting into place.

“...Both of you?” Shouto gasps out when they finally part.

“Yeah, couldn’t you tell ?” Kacchan’s mocking, but his gaze is gentle, full of fierce and fond affection. Izuku’s seen that gaze directed at Shouto before but for the first time, it doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable or jealous. It just feels completely right.

Izuku takes one of Shouto’s hands and Kacchan takes the other. Shouto gazes down at their linked fingers and for once, his face isn’t full of misery or discomfort or blankness. Instead it’s full of hope.

There’s still a bunch to talk about: their feelings, their relationship, and how long Shouto’s had hanahaki (the flowers inside his lungs won’t disappear overnight after all) but Izuku’s doesn’t even know where to start.

“Oh. So I guess telling you would have solved everything, after all...sorry for causing you so much trouble,” Shouto mumbles.

“Damn right, you should be sorry!”

“Actually,” Izuku giggles, “I think I like not being the 'Problem Child', for once.”

“Actually.” 

They spring apart immediately. Behind them, Recovery Girl is standing with a cup of tea in her hand, looking decidedly unimpressed.

“I’m sure Aizawa would agree with me when I say, all three of you are problem children.”