Chapter Text
"Alright class, we'll be at the camp grounds in 45 minutes." Aizawa announced. Some students were ecstatic about the trip, while others were absolutely dreading it. I, for one, was dreading it.
"Bakugou, c'mon, the trip can't be that bad! It's just one week!" Denki chimed, glad we were getting a full week without classwork or homework.
"One week is a long fuckin' time to spend with you extras." I growled. I was paranoid about this trip, but I'd never admit it.
"Kiri, what do you think?" Denki asked.
"I mean, I'm pretty excited, dude!" He said, a smile on his face. That damned smile. The smile that makes my heart ache, the one that reminds me that I'm disgusting. I looked away from him, focusing my attention to my phone. I just wanted to drown out all of the noise on the bus, be able to feel alone, able to feel like no one is judging how fat I am.
I take up the whole bus isle, I'm disgusting. Everyone knows I'm fat. I thought to myself, going through my playlist. I let out a small sigh of relief once I saw it. As cliche as it was, I related to the song on a deep level, deeper than words could explain. Tapping on it, Empty by Jaiden and Boyinaband played. I put my phone into sleep mode, hiding the song on my screen from any prying eyes.
"Things were desperate until the voice crept in" No one had any fucking clue. I'm beyond desperate, and no one can tell. I'm breaking at the fucking seams, and no one notices. That's how I know. People only ever care if someone skinny starts starving themselves. Not someone fat, like me.
"Yooo, Bakubro!" I heard a muffled Kirishima. I furrowed my eyebrows out of forced habit, desperate to hide everything I felt. Pausing the song, I turned to the boy in the seat beside me.
"What do you want, Shitty Hair?"
"Did you not hear Mr.Aizawa? You, Kaminari and I are cabin mates!" My heart stopped.
"Are you kidding me..? I have to share a cabin with you idiots?" I growled, trying not to shake my leg. A panic attack was coming on, I could feel it. My hands were going colder, my face was getting tingly, and my heart was beating faster. My mind was swirling with emotions, and I had no idea which one I felt the most. Everything was so contradictory.
"Bakugou, c'mon, it's just a week. Give the two a break, Mr. Aizawa chose everyone's cabin mates, you know." Jirou chimed in. That was about the last damn thing I needed to hear.
"Whatever. Fine." I groaned, opening my phone again, wanting to change to a different song.
"Bakugou, can I have an earbud?" Kirishima asked, and I froze.
"No, spiky hair."
"What?? C'mon Bakubro, please?" He pushed, and I ignored him. Putting my music on shuffle, another eating disorder song played. Who would've thought I'd like Skin & Bones by Marianas Trench? Certaintly not me, until I heard it.
Snapping me out of my thoughts, I felt an earbud be pulled out of my ear.
"Shitty Hair I'll fucking kill you!" I yelled, small explosions forming in my palms. He calmly stuck the earbud in, and instantly got a shocked face.
"Oh, I didn't know you liked-"
"Say another damn word and you won't live to see the camping trip." I threatened, and Kirishima put his hands up, a small smile on his face. Damn, how that made my heart skip a beat. I grabbed my earbud from him and put it back in, trying to ignore the pounding in my chest. I closed my eyes and let myself focus on the music. I had to spend 45 more minutes sitting next to the boy I fell for, while my friends were sitting around us. Of course I couldn't let them know I thought of them as friends, though. They'd use that against me... call me weak. Learn my secrets and tell everyone. I wouldn't let that happen.
I tried so desperately to focus on my music, but I couldn't help but worry. He'd heard me listening to a song about an eating disorder. Was he onto me...? Could he have found out? What if he starts to notice I don't eat much? Will he notice my excessive working out and when I skip meals? What about when I chew and spit...? When I purge...? My mind was a mess, but I still heard their conversation.
"He... actually looks so peaceful like that." Kirishima said. I could hear the smile on his face, and felt my heart beat faster.
"Kiri, that sounds so gay..!" Denki chuckled, and I froze up.
"Yeah, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you had a crush on Bakugou..!" Mina teased.
"G-guys, c'mon, I'm not gay..!" Kirishima retorted, almost a bit panicked. I already knew he wasn't, that's why I was trying to distance myself from him... and now, I had to share a cabin with him, with the fear he could know about my disorder lingering in the air. Kirishima shook me, and I reluctantly opened my eyes and took out a headphone.
"What?"
"Do you think I'm gay...?" He asked, slightly panicked.
"There's not a chance." I replied, looking away from him, feeling my heart sink. I almost felt like I was going to be sick, but I hadn't eaten in almost 19 hours. I was only about 7 hours into ketosis, which is when your body starts breaking down and burning fat. Things were starting to get a little woozy, but I was able to function. Of course I was starting to get a little hungry, but I kept drinking water to fill my stomach and stop it from growling.
"Thank you, Bakubro. It's good to know at least someone is on my side." Kiri said, somewhat relieved. I silently reached for my water bottle, the one I actually had water in. I took a few sips, trying to ease may stomach to the new intrusion. Despite not having any calories, the feeling of having anything in my stomach made me panic. I felt fat, and I felt like everyone knew how disgusting I was for not having an empty stomach.
My music was still playing, though it'd switched to Dear Diary by Mikelwj. Putting my water back in my bag, Kirishima reached for his own phone and his earbuds. Looking at him out of the corner of my eye, I saw him quickly typing, as if reciting something from recent memory. I desperately wanted to pull out my notebook, but knowing he could end up reading everything over my shoulder made me a nervous wreck. I wouldn't let him find out any more than he already might have.
I put my other earbud in, letting my playlist continue. Checking my phone, I noticed I was still in my ED playlist. I had put it on shuffle by accident instead of my entire music library.
It's a good thing I took my earbud away from Kirishima.