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Barba walked in with his chin up and shoulders back, but he paused just inside the doorway to assess the room. Several people did double-takes and snickered, and he stared each of them down. He couldn’t help the familiar, unpleasant squirming in his stomach, a callback to a childhood full of painful memories of being laughed at, but he would be damned if he let any of those old wounds show on his face.
He never gave people an excuse to laugh at him anymore, and he could scarcely believe he’d put himself in this position. He had more than half a mind to turn on his heel and leave, but he wasn’t going to let anyone think he was fleeing.
He was wearing a furry brown vest with two rows of jingle bells—mercifully only decorative—down the front, over a white shirt. The trim of the vest was nice; it ended at his waist in the back, allowing the fitted khakis to show off his ass quite nicely. That was the only redeeming quality.
He was wearing shiny black shoes, and he had antlers—fucking antlers—on his head.
He didn’t look like a reindeer. He looked like an idiot, and he knew it. An idiot with a nice ass, but still.
At least he wasn’t the only one who looked like a fool. Carisi was wearing yellow tights, a long green coat—which unfortunately hid all the best bits that the tights would highlight—with white fur at the cuffs and collar and a wide black belt around his narrow waist. The pointy green and yellow hat on his head could’ve completed the ridiculous ensemble, but Carisi wasn’t content skimping on details.
He was wearing the curly black elf shoes, and Barba didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. No wonder Carisi had suggested they meet at the party instead of riding together. He’d claimed it would be easier to go straight from the office, but Barba now suspected the new ADA had been afraid Barba would refuse to let him leave the apartment looking like that.
Carisi turned, his eyes finding Barba like a heat-seeking missile, and all thoughts of leaving the party left Barba’s head. Carisi’s whole face lit up at the sight of him, his dimples dipping into his cheeks as he grinned, and Barba didn’t care who might be laughing behind his back. He sauntered toward Carisi but the younger man was eager and met him halfway.
“Thought you weren’t gonna wear it.”
“Yeah, well. You owe me,” Barba answered.
Carisi laughed lightly and handed Barba one of the two drinks he was holding. He cast a pointed glance toward the middle of Barba’s face before meeting his eyes again.
“I draw the line at the nose,” Barba said. “Pick your battles, Counsellor.”
Still grinning, Carisi answered, “That’s alright. I wouldn’t want anything to interfere with your pretty face.” He laughed again when Barba glared at him.
“Aren’t you a little tall for an elf?” Barba asked, glancing down the length of Carisi’s body.
“I’m not an elf, I’m Buddy the Elf.”
“I don’t know what that means,” Barba lied so that Carisi would give him the fondly-exasperated look that Barba not-so-secretly loved. Barba smirked at him. “How tight are those tights?”
“Almost as tight as your pants,” Carisi shot back, and Barba laughed. Carisi looked at the vest and reached out to poke at one of the bells. He seemed disappointed that it didn’t jingle. “You know you look good, right?” he asked.
Barba rolled his eyes. “I know I look like an idiot. But so do you, so at least I won’t be laughed at alone.”
Carisi smiled and tipped his head toward Barba. “No one would dare laugh at you, Raf,” he said. His fingers moved from the bell to touch the fake fur of the vest.
If Barba hadn’t been watching Carisi’s face, he might’ve missed the subtle changes: the softening around the edges of his expression, the darkening of his eyes, the slight flare of his nostrils. Carisi looked up from his fingers and caught Barba’s gaze, and there was a hint of embarrassment in his smile. Blooms of color appeared on his cheeks and he dropped his hand away.
Interesting, Barba thought.
Carisi’s gaze slid past Barba and his smile tightened. Straightening, he said, “Hey, Bob. Merry Christmas.”
“Carisi,” Bob Wilson answered with a curt nod as Barba turned toward him. “Rafael Barba, wasn’t sure you’d be showing your face back here any time soon.”
In his peripheral vision, Barba saw Carisi stiffen. “Wilson,” he said before Carisi could speak, “always a pleasure.”
Wilson looked at Carisi. “Aren’t you a little tall for an elf?” He glanced at Barba, quickly sizing him up with an exaggerated slide of his gaze, and added with a smug smile, “You two shoulda switched. Only one of you’s—” He broke off, looking startled when Barba stepped into his personal space.
Barba reached up and straightened the man’s bow tie. “You know, Bob, envy really is the least enjoyable of the seven sins,” he said. His voice was low and silky, and his smirk put Wilson’s to shame.
Wilson cleared his throat. “Me, envious? Maybe you missed the memo, Rafael. Now when your reputation precedes you? It’s not a good thing.”
“Hey, why don’t you—”
“It’s alright, Sonny,” Barba cut in without taking his eyes off Wilson. “Bob here had a rough week.”
Wilson’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “What do you know about it? You and your boyfriend here get your rocks off talking shop?”
“Oh, he doesn’t like to brag. Unlike us, he’s humble. But word travels fast when a jury comes back with a unanimous decision in…what was it? Thirteen minutes?”
“He got lucky.”
Barba flashed his teeth. “Not yet, but he will in a few hours. Jesus, have you seen those legs?”
Wilson made a sound of disgust and turned away. “Asshole,” he muttered under his breath.
“Keep in touch, Bob,” Barba answered cheerily, glaring after him.
“Raf, don’t listen to him. He’s a jerk, no one here respects you any less—”
“Sonny,” Barba said, turning toward him and cocking an eyebrow. “I’m well aware of what I’ve done to my reputation, and I’m also well aware that Bob Wilson is a…jerk.” He smiled, a genuine smile meant only for Carisi, and reached out to touch a finger to the oversized belt buckle on his stomach. “What do I care about their opinions as long as you’re still willing to be seen with me in public?” He glanced down at himself and back up at Carisi. “Dressed as a fucking deer, no less.”
Carisi stepped closer, and the affection in his expression was almost more than Barba could bear. “Willing? I might be humble, Raf, but I’m not above bragging to everyone here that I get to take you home tonight.”
Barba sighed dramatically. “If anyone’s taking anyone home, I’m taking you,” he said, his lips quirking when Carisi laughed. “Now come on, let’s go see how many people I can piss off before they bring out the food.”
Carisi smiled and bent to press a quick kiss to Barba’s cheek. When they started walking, Carisi’s hand settled against Barba’s back. Barba felt him fingering the soft fur, and he sipped his drink while he regarded Carisi from the corner of his eye. Carisi didn’t seem to be aware of what he was doing with his fingers, but his pupils had grown a little wider.
Interesting, Barba thought again.
* * *
Barba and Carisi had never had any trouble telling each other what they liked or didn’t like in the heat of the moment, but discussing sex when they weren’t actually having sex was sometimes a little difficult for Carisi. He was far from being a prude, but it wasn’t easy to let go of that Catholic repression that had been drilled into their brains; Barba understood and empathized, and as much as he liked seeing a nice flush of embarrassment in Carisi’s cheeks, Barba never wanted to make the other man uncomfortable.
And, since Carisi had never mentioned it during the course of their entire relationship—from colleagues to friends to lovers—Barba had to assume that one of two things was true: either his hunch was wrong, or he was right but Carisi was too afraid to broach the subject. Rather than ask outright and risk upsetting Carisi one way or the other, Barba decided to try a little experiment.
So, while Carisi was in the shower, Barba dug through the cedar chest at the foot of the bed and pulled out the soft, furry fleece blanket stored in the bottom. It smelled like cedar; it hadn’t been out in years.
Barba, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, settled onto the sofa and turned on the television. He covered himself with the blanket and watched the news, waiting.
When Carisi finally emerged from the bathroom, he was wearing flannel pants and a t-shirt and his hair was damp and messy. He walked into the living room and stopped to watch the news for a few seconds, scratching absently at his stomach. “You cold?” he asked without looking at Barba.
“Hmm,” Barba answered.
“Want me to warm you up?” Blue eyes found their way to Barba’s face.
“Yes,” Barba said, lifting the edge of the blanket to invite Carisi to join him.
Carisi walked over and plopped onto the sofa, scooting over to Barba’s side and letting Barba drape the blanket over him. “We gonna watch something less interesting?”
Barba chuckled. “In the mood for crappy holiday romances?”
“Nah,” Carisi said, turning his head to nuzzle Barba’s jaw, “only good ones.”
“No such thing,” Barba scoffed. He couldn’t quite manage his usual tone of cynicism while Carisi was cuddled up to him, though.
“Hey, Raf?” Carisi settled a hand against the blanket, over Barba’s chest.
“Huh.”
“Thanks for being a good sport.”
“I’m always a good sport.”
“I’m serious,” Carisi insisted, undaunted by Barba’s glare. “I know you didn’t have to wear that vest and God knows you were prolly embarrassed by my costume—”
“Hey. Look at me. Fuck Bob Wilson and any other asshole who gives you shit. You can and will run circles around them. And me? I will never be anything but proud to be seen with you.”
Carisi’s dimples were deep, his smile pleased but a little embarrassed. “Even in yellow tights?” he asked quietly.
“Even in tights,” Barba agreed. He gave Carisi a quick kiss on his smile. “Now, here. Pick something mind-numbing and sappy to watch if that’s what you want,” he said, holding out the remote.
“Mm, you pick,” Carisi said. He ran his hand down Barba’s chest, looking at his own hand. “Where’d you get this blanket?”
“Hm? Oh, I’ve had it since college.”
“I’ve never seen it before.”
“I just dug it out of the chest.”
“It’s soft.”
“Mmhm.”
Carisi slid his hand lower, over Barba’s stomach and into his lap. He fingered at the furry blanket. The Christmas lights sparkled in his eyes, and Barba decided they should probably leave the damned things up all year.
“Can I help you?”
Carisi looked up at Barba’s face. “No, you just find something to watch,” he said. “Don’t mind me.” He shifted his hips away from Barba and lifted the blanket, ducking underneath it. He kissed his way down Barba’s chest to his stomach, his breath heating the cotton of Barba’s shirt, until he reached the hem. He slipped a hand under the tee and pressed his lips to bare skin, pausing a moment before kissing his way back up. He flicked his tongue over one nipple and thumbed at the other, sighing in satisfaction when they hardened.
Barba adjusted his hips on the sofa when he felt Carisi’s other hand slide over his thigh, fingers inching upward. Carisi stopped high on his inner thigh, though, his touch light and teasing.
“If you’re not watching, I’m putting on Maddow,” Barba said.
Carisi hummed against Barba’s stomach and murmured, “She’s good.”
“Maybe I’ll put on Hannity.”
“He always gets your blood pressure up.”
Barba suppressed a shiver as Carisi’s tongue circled his navel. “You didn’t complain last time,” he said, settling a hand over Carisi’s head through the blanket.
“Never gonna complain about you fucking me against the wall,” Carisi said, and Barba hardened at the memory. “Fox News is good for one thing, at least.”
Barba laughed. “I don’t have to be angry to fuck you against a wall, Sonny. All you have to do is ask.” He closed his eyes when Carisi shifted further down and Barba felt the heat of breath against his sweatpants.
“Hey, Raf, I think I just found why all the reindeer were jealous.”
Barba laughed again, but it turned into a low groan when Carisi’s mouth closed around his erection through the sweats. “I wasn’t Rudolph. No nose, remember?”
“Hmm,” Carisi answered, his lips vibrating around Barba’s cock. He paused when he heard Barba turn off the television. When Barba didn’t immediately move or throw back the blanket, Carisi tugged the elastic waistband down and pulled Barba’s freed erection into his mouth. Barba leaned his head back and closed his eyes, shifting his knees further apart. He let his hand rest on Carisi’s back, feeling the soft furriness of the blanket against his fingers as Carisi ducked and bobbed, slowly and methodically sucking him to full hardness.
“Your mouth deserves an award,” Barba murmured, rubbing Carisi’s back through the blanket.
Carisi lifted his head far enough to release Barba’s wet cock and asked, his voice hopeful, “Reward?”
“I said award,” Barba laughed. He flipped the blanket back and Carisi turned his face to blink up at him. His hair was a mess, stuck to his forehead, and his face was flushed from the heat. “Jesus,” Barba breathed at the sight of him.
Carisi smiled. “No Maddow?”
“Something distracted me.”
“Oh, man,” Carisi said, sliding himself out of Barba’s lap and rising to his feet. “That’s a shame.”
Barba stood and pulled his sweats over his erection. “I’ll get over it somehow.”
Carisi started to reach for the blanket and then stopped, rubbing his hand on his thigh instead. “Sleep it off?” he suggested.
“Eventually.” Barba grabbed the blanket, flopping it over his arm. Carisi looked from the blanket to Barba’s face. “I’d rather throw this in the wash than change the sheets,” Barba said with a half-shrug, and he saw something light in Carisi’s eyes.
* * *
Barba slipped his fingers out of Carisi’s ass and Carisi made a sound of protest, squirming on the blanket and looking at Barba with a pout on his pink lips. Barba looked him over—mussed hair, flushed cheeks and chest, stomach smeared with precum. Carisi’s hands were twisted into the blanket at his sides, his fingers worrying at the furry fleece.
“What?” Carisi asked, shifting under Barba’s appraisal.
“Nothing,” Barba answered, slowly stroking himself with one slick fist. He was still sometimes struck dumb by how lucky he’d gotten with Carisi. “Just admiring the view.”
Carisi’s flush deepened, and so did his dimples. “View’s pretty good from here,” he said. He wiggled his hips and looked down at the blanket, seeming to realize what he was doing with his hands. He loosened his fists and smoothed his palms over the places he’d twisted. “I like this blanket,” he said, his voice barely audible. He glanced up at Barba from under his lashes, and his expression was strangely shy considering all the intimacies they’d shared.
“Yeah?”
“It’s soft. It’s like…” He hesitated, considering. “I like the way it feels on my skin,” he finally said. “Tingly.”
Barba studied him for a few seconds. “All of your skin?” he asked in a low, soft voice, and Carisi’s whole body shivered in response. Barba had to give himself an abrupt squeeze to avoid coming all over him.
Carisi ran his fingers over the plush blanket. “I had these…big fluffy socks I got for Christmas when I was thirteen,” he said, but then he stopped.
“And that was…pleasant for you?” Barba asked after a few seconds of silence. “The only thing I remember about jerking off into socks is a whole lot of guilt and anxiety.”
Carisi’s eyes found their way back to Barba’s face, and there seemed to be a touch of relief in his expression—because Barba wasn’t laughing, maybe, or simply because he hadn’t made Carisi say the rest out loud. “That, too,” he mumbled with a sheepish smile. “But, y’know.” He shrugged against the bed.
Barba leaned down over Carisi’s body to press a kiss to his lips. “Roll over,” he said quietly.
Carisi’s eyes darkened. “I don’t wanna ruin your blanket,” he breathed.
“There are other blankets in the world, Sonny,” Barba answered. He kissed Carisi again, licking slowly over his lips until Carisi wriggled beneath him. Then he levered himself up enough to meet the other man’s eyes. “You know it’s just you and me here,” he said softly, searching Carisi’s face.
Carisi nodded. “You know I love you,” he murmured.
Barba smiled. “It baffles all logic,” he said, “but yes, I know. Now roll over.” He shifted out of the way and Carisi flopped over, barely trying to hide his eagerness. Barba ran a hand down Carisi’s back and Carisi squirmed against the blanket with a pleased hum. Barba spread his cheeks apart, fingering him for a moment to make sure he was still decently prepped.
Carisi pushed his hips into the blanket with a low sound and turned his face into the fleece. His feet flexed and relaxed, his hands fisted and loosened.
“Good?” Barba asked, palming Carisi’s ass for a few seconds as Carisi wriggled against the bed.
Carisi made a wordless sound of affirmation and reached a hand back, searching blindly for Barba. Barba shifted forward and bent down to press a kiss to Carisi’s back. Carisi clutched at Barba’s thigh, breathing heavily into the blanket as Barba spread him open and nudged his way inside.
Carisi flexed against the bed with a soft moan and then pushed himself back, taking half of Barba’s length without warning. Barba grabbed Carisi’s hips, fighting his body’s urge to thrust, but Carisi didn’t hesitate. He rocked his hips into the bed again and then back, pulling at Barba’s thigh to urge him on.
Barba grabbed Carisi’s hips and filled him in one quick motion, but then he stopped again.
Carisi moved, rutting against the blanket and fucking himself on Barba’s cock, panting desperately with his face buried against the bed, and he cried out into the fleece as he came. “Sorry,” he gasped, his body shuddering beneath Barba’s and his fingers still clutching at Barba’s leg.
Barba held onto Carisi’s hips and drove into him, a handful of thrusts until he came with a groan. He flattened himself against Carisi’s back, kissing his shoulder, and said, “I don’t think this blanket’s going back in storage.”
Carisi laughed breathlessly and turned his face to look up at Barba from the corner of his eye. “Better than a sock, for the record,” he muttered.
* * *
Barba hesitated outside the door, feeling more nervous than he’d expected. “Just so we’re clear,” he said, “if you’re not into this, you’re going to say so and that’ll be it, we’re never going to mention this again. Understood?”
Carisi was sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxers, waiting expectantly. He chuckled. “If you say so,” he agreed, “although I’m pretty sure that whatever you—” He broke off, his face going momentarily slack with surprise and his eyes widening when Barba stepped into the room. Then, on a rush of air leaving his body: “Fuuuck.”
Barba was dressed in a full fursuit, except for the head. Without the mask, it was impossible for Carisi to tell for sure what the animal was, but the suit was made of thick, silky black fur with white on the stomach and paws.
Carisi’s fingers itched to curl into that fur.
“I have the head,” Barba said, assessing Carisi’s dilated pupils and flared nostrils and curled fists. “I wasn’t sure—”
“No mask,” Carisi said quickly. He sounded short of breath. “I want to see your face…” He swallowed as Barba crossed toward him.
“Sonny,” Barba said softly, “I’ve never seen you get this hard so fast.”
Carisi made a small mewling sound and half-moved his hand to cover his lap before stopping himself. His cheeks were flushed dark, the blush spreading down his chest. He reached out but stopped short of touching the suit. “Can I…”
Barba cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not really sure what the point is otherwise.”
Carisi ran his fingers over the fur. “You had this made?” he asked, his eyes sliding up to Barba’s. When Barba nodded once, Carisi added, “How much did it cost?”
“A ridiculous amount for a hunch, but a bargain now that I see how much you like it.”
“How…I…” Carisi swallowed again.
“You can say no, Sonny. I know I should’ve asked first, but—”
“Yes,” Sonny blurted. “Yes, not no, yes.” He grabbed tentative handfuls of the thick fur at Barba’s hips. It was soft, high quality, silky against his skin, and he could scarcely imagine what Barba must’ve paid. “God, I…” He got to his feet and kissed Barba, hard and hungry and desperate, his palms roaming over the furry chest and shoulders and arms. “I can’t believe you did this for me. I never even—I love you, Raf.”
Barba put his hands to Carisi’s jaw, framing his face with furry black and white paws, and Carisi shivered at the contact. His eyes were nearly all-pupil. “Tell me what you want, Sonny,” Barba commanded gently.
“Fuck me,” Carisi breathed, running his hands down Barba’s stomach. “Fuck me, please Raf.” He found the opening in the front of the suit. Barba was half-hard from Carisi’s excitement alone, and Carisi pulled him free from the suit with eager fingers.
“You’ll have to lube yourself,” Barba said, holding up his paws.
Carisi shucked his boxers and grabbed the bottle of lube, scrambling onto the bed, and Barba smiled. He was relieved to know he hadn’t been completely off the mark. He followed Carisi onto the bed, feeling remarkably unselfconscious.
Carisi landed on his back, and Barba straddled his legs and watched the other man finger himself. After a few moments Carisi reached out and wrapped his fingers around Barba’s erection, slicking him up quickly before once more burying his hand between his own legs.
Barba ran his paws up Carisi’s thighs, over his hips to his waist. Carisi’s fingers faltered and his eyes slipped closed. Barba dragged his fur-covered hands over Carisi’s stomach, up his chest, watching Carisi’s skin turn pink at every point of contact. Another shiver passed through the younger man’s body.
Barba slid one paw back down Carisi’s stomach and over his dripping erection. Carisi made a choked sound and writhed on the bed, a fresh spurt of precum landing on his stomach. Carisi grabbed at the fursuit, holding handfuls of fur as he tried to thrust himself against Barba’s paw.
Barba leaned down over Carisi and kissed him, and Carisi licked and nipped frantically at his lips. Barba ran his paws up and down Carisi’s sides. He missed being able to feel the other man’s skin against his, but Carisi’s reaction to the fur against his skin more than made up for any small sacrifices on Barba’s part.
Carisi reached down between their bodies and grabbed Barba’s cock, pulling him into place and throwing a leg around his furry hips. “Fast,” he begged, wrapping his arm around Barba. “Please.”
Barba took a breath and drove forward, filling Carisi with one quick, hard thrust. Carisi cried out, throwing his other arm and leg around Barba and clinging to him. Barba buried his face in Carisi’s neck for the skin-on-skin contact.
Carisi panted in his ear. “Raf. Raf,” he said. Barba could feel him clutching at the fur, could feel his body tightening around Barba’s erection as he tried desperately to pull him closer, deeper.
“Jesus,” Barba breathed against Carisi’s neck, stunned by how quickly his own orgasm was rushing up to meet him. He dug a knee into the mattress. The fur was slippery against the sheet, but he got enough leverage to pump his hips against Carisi’s, and he fucked him hard and fast. After only a few thrusts, Carisi came into the silky fur of Barba’s stomach, smothering his face into Barba’s shoulder as he cried out.
Barba came soon after, spilling himself inside Carisi’s body and then collapsing against him. His breaths were hot and ragged against Carisi’s neck.
Carisi dropped his head back and turned his face, searching for Barba’s mouth, and Barba lifted his head to kiss him. He shifted his hips, carefully withdrawing from Carisi’s ass, and another shudder passed through Carisi’s body.
Carisi relaxed his hold, letting his legs fall back to the bed and his arms slide down, but he kept his fingers curled into the soft fur. He let out a shaky breath and looked up at Barba’s face.
“So…” Barba said after a few moments. “Should I keep this thing, then?”
Carisi laughed and pulled him down for another kiss, threading his fingers up into Barba’s hair. “I fucking love you.”
“Hmm,” Barba answered, smiling into Carisi’s kiss. “I probably should’ve paid closer attention to the cleaning instructions.”
“Time to find a new dry cleaner,” Carisi said. He wrapped his legs around Barba’s hips again, hugging the fur to his naked skin.
Barba chuckled and ducked his head to nuzzle Carisi’s throat. “We can try with the head, if you want. Or make adjustments. Whatever you want.”
Carisi met Barba’s lips for another kiss, holding onto him like he was never going to let go.