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Her leg bounced against the side of the bed, her lips pursed as she glanced up at him, standing at her side. “But what if they’re closed? What if there’s traffic and we miss the start? What if, what if…”
“Shhh. It’ll be okay, Nikki.” He smiled, reaching out and carefully placing a hand on her shoulder. When she didn’t object, he pushed in further, gentle pressure sinking into her body. “We’re going to have a great time, okay?”
“I…” She bit her lip, feeling her face flush. Thoughts of failure pounded through her brain, mixing with the steady stimulation of his hand rolling on her body. Her eyes flicked down from his face. He’d somehow found time to get a suit fitted for the date, and she’d been making a concerted effort to forget the details of male fashion, but still, he looked so, so handsome in those clothes, the way they clung to him, and the only conscious thought she had was I know I’m going to fuck it up somehow .
His smile faded, and she already knew she had messed it up. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”
“It’s okay, it’s okay!” he interrupted quickly, pushing his hand into her again. “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
“B-but Dimitri,” she babbled, “you wanted to-”
“I wanted to see the movie with my girlfriend ,” he finished, his lips quirking upwards again. “I’m not going to take you somewhere you aren’t ready to go. Remember your breathing.”
Right. Right. Deep breaths. Four seconds in, hold for eight, four seconds out.
In, out. In, out.
His hands traced a steady rhythm on her shoulders, the sensation grounding her in the present as her chest rose and fell.
“I’m… I-I'm okay,” she mumbled, even as she felt the tears wet her eyes. She didn’t deserve to be taken care of like this. She didn’t want to be a burden.
“It’s okay if you’re not okay,” he murmured, fingers sinking into her muscles. “There’ll be other movies, other things we can do. Just being with you is good enough for me.”
She tried to believe that, she really did.
“Hey, hey. Don’t worry, Nikki. We’ll be fine.”
His gaze was warm, full of concern. She lifted her head as he worked at her, but she couldn’t quite meet his eyes.
They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity before he spoke again, uncertainty beneath the calm little smile she’d fallen in love with. “Hey Nikki, uh… you ever heard of hypnosis?”
“I t-thought that wasn’t real.” He didn’t seem like the type to fall for nonsense, either.
He shook his head. “No, it’s real. I’ve been reading up and there’s some stuff you can do with it. Hypnotherapy is supposed to be really good for anxiety. I’m not trained or anything, but… I thought we could try it?”
She met his eyes and wondered, for a moment, if he was really trying to help her, or if he was just trying to use her as a guinea pig. It was a stupid thought, he’d never hurt her, of course he was just trying to help, he was always just trying to help-
“Would that be alright with you, Nikki?”
“I…” Her breath caught. How did it go? In four, hold eight, out four. He waited in silence while she gathered herself.
“I think so. Just… nothing crazy, okay?”
“Me, crazy?” He chuckled.
She stared at him.
“...okay,” he admitted. “I’ll behave.”
“You’d better,” she said, and smiled despite herself. He was kinda cute when he was all mad-science-y, when that cool shell burst under the weight of manic energy pulled from who knows where.
He smiled back.
“Now then,” he murmured, before he cleared his throat and his tone shifted. “You are getting veeery sleepy-”
“Dork.”
His pout was pretty cute, too.
“Okay, so maybe not that.” He smiled awkwardly, reaching back and digging his fingers into his long, dark hair. “Maybe… Oh!” His eyes lit up like a bulb. “You liked that massage, right? Or, well, my hand on your shoulder, it didn’t really qualify as a massage and it’s not like I’m a-”
“Yes, I liked it, silly. It’s… calming. Feeling you there.”
“Okay. Let’s just do some more of that for now. Okay?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Alright.”
His hands, gentle and kind, pressed into her shoulders again. Like he said, it wasn’t really a fancy massage or anything. But the simple, repeated motions were soothing, reassuring, and she found herself sighing in contentment.
“You’re enjoying this,” he all but whispered. “Feeling relaxed, content.”
“Of course,” she mumbled. Why did he even ask?
“With every motion, you’re getting more relaxed, more content. All your stress is just melting away, kneaded out of every muscle…”
Something felt off, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.
But it wasn’t a bad something. She trusted him, after all.
Slowly, she nodded.
“Your thoughts are slowing down. No more bad thoughts. No more fears. Your mind is emptying, but not in a bad way. Letting go of worries with every touch.”
Her eyes lidded. She stared at him, dumbly, watching him work her shoulders with a smile on his face.
Why had she ever worried about anything at all?
“You’re falling into a deep trance. Nothing matters here, nothing bothers you. You’re safe here, you don’t have to think anymore. You’re safe with me. You can do what I say, and you’re not afraid of anything.”
She wasn’t. She was hardly thinking at all. If it weren’t for his hands, she would have swayed right off the side of the bed.
“When I stop rubbing your shoulders, you’ll still be in a trance. Your mind is empty and you like it. You’re safe and happy and thoughtless. Okay?”
She nodded. She barely understood, but she nodded.
His hands moved away. She didn’t blink.
Slowly, he leaned over her body and gave her a kiss on the lips, warm and sweet.
“You’re a beautiful girl, you know that?”
She… she wasn’t.
“‘M not beautiful,” she slurred. “Not… Not a real girl.”
He paused, frowning.
She wasn’t afraid.
“But you are beautiful,” he finally said. “My beautiful, gorgeous girlfriend. Why would you think you were anything but? Tell me why, Nikki.”
“I… I wasn't born right. I’m a man, but I want to be a woman. I….”
He hummed, glancing over her. “You are a woman, Nikki. That’s a girl’s name, isn’t it? You’re a beautiful, feminine woman. Let me see just how gorgeous you are.”
She wasn’t afraid he would hate her… but she was. But she wasn’t.
“I don’t…”
His fingers came up under her chin, feeling the shape of her throat, lightly gliding across her skin. “You’re safe with me, Nikki. You can show me your skin. You’ve gotten me off before, haven’t you? You’ve seen me naked, you’ve seen everything. It’ll be okay to let me see you. I won’t hate you. I love you, Nikki.”
“I love you,” she repeated, and slowly, carefully, she pulled down her skirt, her eyes never leaving his face, a trembling smile on her lips as she pulled, cloth riding slowly over legs she’d never quite trimmed.
She felt the bulge beneath her panties as she moved to slide them down her thighs, and her smile shattered like glass.
“Nikki, Nikki dear,” he soothed, wrapping a hand around her waist, focusing his eyes on her face. “Nikki, it’s okay. I don’t mind. You’re beautiful the way you are. You’re a beautiful, wonderful woman. I don’t want to hurt you, okay? I just want to have a look. You don’t mind your boyfriend having a look, do you? It couldn’t hurt. Nothing could hurt. You’re not afraid of anything.”
She breathed in, and yanked the undergarments down.
The rustling fabric drew his eyes down between her legs.
She knew he was right, that it couldn’t hurt, but, but, something inside her still did.
“You look lovely, darling.”
“But… but it’s a man’s… thing,” she protested.
He took her by the chin, expression grave.
“No, it’s not. You’re a woman, Nikki. That means it’s a woman’s thing. A womanhood. And it’s as beautiful as the rest of you. You’re a beautiful, happy, sexy woman. You aren’t worried about anything, but you definitely aren’t worried about being a woman. Nikki, your womanhood is beautiful. I love it just as much as the rest of you.”
She listened, felt his words bounce around in her empty head. He was right. He was so smart and always right. She felt the screaming agony in her heart subside.
She wasn’t worried about anything.
She was beautiful.
“Nikki, darling, may I touch your womanhood? It won’t hurt you, right?”
She nodded.
His eyes twinkled with fascinated delight as he sunk to her side. Gingerly at first, his fingers reached out and touched her ma- her womanhood . She gasped, shivers of electricity sparking up her spine.
“Does it feel good, Nikki?”
“Yes,” she mumbled, barely loud enough to hear, staring down at her lover between her legs.
He smiled up at her, and she smiled back.
“Then let me make you feel better, Nikki.”
His fingers slid along her veins, and electric sensations made her back arch, her lips torn open in a wordless moan. The gentleness of his touch only made it better. She hadn’t touched herself in so long.
She could almost remember why she’d hated touching herself, why she’d let herself get this pent up.
She didn’t want to remember, so she didn’t remember.
It was that simple.
He kept talking as he worked. She barely understood it, but the voice was reassuring, an anchor to cling to as she twitched and throbbed and groaned in ecstasy.
“You’re feeling so good right now, letting me play with your womanhood. All your fears are burning away for good with each stroke. You’ll get your thoughts back when you’re done, but your fears are going away, never coming back. Doesn’t that sound nice? You’re feeling so, so good, and happy and content and safe, and nothing’s ever going to hurt you. You’re going to cum when you’re ready, and when I tell you to, and it’s going to be so, so wonderful, and you’re going to wake up, and think again, but you won’t be afraid, you’ll still be safe, you won’t have to worry, okay? You’re feeling good, aren’t you? Are you ready to cum, Nikki? Go ahead, do it for me.”
Before she knew it, she was screaming out her orgasm, and her world went white.
When she came to, the first thing she saw was her boyfriend, face covered in her juices, smiling down on her.He hadn’t cleaned up at all. The dork.
Her second thought was I came all over him, he knows what I taste like, he knows that I’m not a-
Her third thought, quiet and insistent, bubbled up from her unconscious. Of course I’m a woman.
She smiled as that thought pushed down the pain, and leaned up to kiss him.
They missed their movie, but neither of them really cared.