Work Text:
Louis felt dull. As if someone drained all his emotions and left just an empty shell. Every little sound echoed in the silent church and rang in his ears like thunder. You might say it would be nice to feel nothing but he thought otherwise. He hated when it happened. It meant he was left alone with his thoughts. He couldn’t help but think of how selfish and replaceable he was. And when he was able to feel again, it hurt.
At day it was easier to distract himself, he would talk with Coco or turn on some loud music to drown out these thoughts. But at night everyone was sleeping and he couldn’t do anything. He briefly thought about what would happen if revenant didn’t sleep at all but his mind quickly returned to its previous theme. Louis groaned and curled into a tight ball. The numbness was slowly vanishing, leaving him aching and craving for someone to comfort him. But there wasn’t anyone.
Who would care about some pathetic selfish wreck?
He doesn’t deserve any of their kindness.
But he still accepts it. Why?
Because he’s selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
SELFISH.
…
Louis covered his ears as if he thought it was going to help. Each sentence was like a stab to his chest. Eventually he decided to get up and head out of his room. Maybe he could drown those voices in alcohol. He didn’t have much experience with such things but people were saying it helps. The hallway was dark and empty. Louis didn’t bother to turn on any lights so it stayed that way.
When he arrived to his goal, he grabbed the first bottle he saw and poured a generous amount into his glass. He didn’t care what kind of alcohol it was, he just wanted to get drunk until he couldn’t walk straight. The liquid reflected a red velvet light and seemingly called for him to forget the pain, the world, to forget everything. He slowly reached out and downed the glass in one go. Then he coughed and almost dropped it. That was some powerful stuff.
“Hey, take it easy,” came Yakumo’s voice from direction of armchairs.
Louis jerked violently and this time he dropped the glass for real. Thanks to a thick carpet it didn’t break.
“What… are you doing here?” he managed to croak out through his burning throat.
“Am I not allowed to move freely?” asked Yakumo, sounding slightly amused as he made his way to Louis. He picked up the glass and put it on the bar. His eyes flicked to the bottle next to it and he snickered.
“Really? Louis, you can’t drink vodka when you’re not used to drinking alcohol,” he said patronizingly while refilling the glass. He took a gulp and turned his attention back to Louis.
“So, why are you here?” he asked. Louis leaned on the bar and sighed. He couldn’t come up with anything smart right now so he settled on simple “I can’t sleep”. Yakumo snorted upon hearing it.
“What a coincidence,” he said, “me too. Wanna tell me about that nightmare?”
“What nightmare?” asked Louis, utterly confused.
“Every time you can’t sleep it’s because of a nightmare,” shrugged Yakumo.
“Was it about your sister again?” Louis felt pang of guilt from not thinking about Karen but he slowly shook his head.
“It was not a nightmare,” he whispered. Now Yakumo looked genuinely concerned.
“Then what was it?” he inched closer to Louis and gently squeezed his shoulder. Louis tensed.
“I… don’t think you’d understand,” he shook of Yakumo’s hand and took a step backwards.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” That was a lie and he could tell Yakumo knew it. There was a short silence before Yakumo spoke again.
“You’d feel better if you told someone,” he said quietly as if he was afraid of someone hearing him. He approached Louis again and passed him the half-full glass. Louis took a sip and returned it to Yakumo before reacting.
“I would,” he admitted, “but wouldn’t it be too much to ask you to hear me out?” This time the grip on his shoulders was much stronger. Yakumo shook him as if his life depended on it.
“You dumbass,” he growled, “you say it as if I don’t care.” His eyes flared with anger as he pulled shocked Louis into a tight embrace.
“Don’t you even dare to think you don’t matter to me. Because you do. To all of us,” he whispered into Louis’ ear, his words thick with something more than anger. Sadness. Louis couldn’t bear hearing such an emotion in that usually self-confident voice. It was too much, knowing that he was the reason for it.
And then, his self-control broke and the tears started flowing.
They stood like that, holding onto each other, the touch being their connection to sanity. Louis didn’t even notice but suddenly they were sitting on sofa and he was spilling his heart to Yakumo. He told him everything, even about Kevin. How could he ever forget his name?
As time passed, he found himself in rather strange position; head in Yakumo’s lap, holding bottle of suspicious liquid and developing even more suspicious theories. Right now, he was talking about the possibility of revenants not needing to sleep at all, wondering if it’s just a habit from their human days.
Yakumo appeared to be almost as drunk as he was but still looked somewhat clear headed. He wasn’t the one who drank almost two bottles of not-so-soft drinks, after all. Louis yawned and tried to focus on his face but failed miserably. Everything was blurred and it felt like the whole world was spinning. He was warm and comfortable in Yakumo’s lap and soon sleep overcame him.
The church was quiet again, the silence interrupted just by soft snoring and occasional yawn from Yakumo. It didn’t last long before Louis’ snores were accompanied by his.
Sometimes the voices can be too much to bear but for now, they have each other to chase them away.