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By the time third period rolls around Yamaguchi knows this is a bad day. Tsukishimia is restless in his seat by the window, long fingers taping impatiently at the white headphones around his neck, gaze fuzzy and far away. He’s asked to go to the restroom once during each class now, typically in the very middle of the lecture. All the signs are there.
Tsukki tried to describe it once to Yamaguchi, in a muted tone that suggested he didn’t care one way or another when the gleam in his eye told otherwise.
“It’s like everyone is speaking right in my ears. It’s loud and uncomfortable and fucking annoying and I want to shut it all out because it’s too much. And there’s this weight on my chest that won’t go away, my skin feels too tight, it’s just shitty in general.”
There are various things Yamaguchi has seen help his friend. He’s watched Tsukki burrow into an oversized sweater and sigh like the very weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. On a school field trip he’d seen Tsukki, in the dark after everyone else had fallen asleep, curl into himself with his hands over his head and his face in his knees. And of course he’s watched his best friend put people down with harsh, cold words, meant to pierce and sting, and that too is a way of curling in on himself, protecting the most vulnerable parts of not just his body but his heart as well.
But nothing seems to work quite like his headphones.
Tsukki pulls them on and almost instantly his entire body relaxes, tension simply easing out of him as the outside world is shut out. He’ll play his music and everything else just stops existing, even Yamaguchi. He doesn’t mind though, so long as Tsukki gets the reprieve he needs.
Sometimes Tsukishima has bad days though, and Yamaguchi tries to keep an eye out for them. They happen during school most often, when Tsukki can’t easily slip away to his own world of music or silence. The last time he’d put his headphones on in class he’d wound up with a suspension and some new, interesting stories that were gleefully added to the terror that was his reputation. Yamaguchi does his best to help keep Tsukki from getting to that point, and today? Today is a bad day.
Third period gives way to lunch, and though his stomach is complaining and his mother packed him a bento, Yamaguchi finds himself standing in front of Tsukishima’s desk. It takes Tsukki a moment to notice him, his golden eyes focusing slowly and with trouble.
Yamaguchi doesn’t say anything, just kind of jerks his head towards the door and Tsukki follows him out of the room slowly.
They’re only first years but Yamaguchi knows the school grounds like the back of his hand. He has to, in order to be helpful to Tsukishima, and so he’d spent his first week of classes scouting out different nooks and crannies, looking for quiet, out of the way places. So far the most useful is a set of stairs near the back of the school that hardly anybody uses. They’re not strictly off limits to students, but they’re not really considered in limits either, and the only people to use them are a few tough looking upperclassmen that only appear every now and then. When Yamaguchi pushes open the heavy doors to the stairwell they’re nowhere to be seen and he lets out a silent breath of relief.
Yamaguchi doesn’t touch Tsukki, he knows better than to try that when he’s like this (the one time he had Tsukishima had jerked away so violently he’d nearly toppled over) but he does lead him over to the stairs and wait for his friend to take a seat. The headphones come up, the music comes on (blaringly loud, another sign as to just how bad he’s feeling) and Yamaguchi turns to leave. He’ll wait outside the door until lunch is over then he’ll fetch Tsukki, lead him back to class and hope that the time alone has helped him.
Except he can’t.
The cuff of his uniform is caught between Tsukishima’s fingers, his grip avoiding skin on skin contact but still strong. Yamaguchi turns back to him, looks down at his blonde hair and still Tsukki doesn’t let go, doesn’t move, doesn’t even acknowledge Yamaguchi, his gaze instead fixed despondently on the far wall. It’s silent except for the faint sound of music trailing out of his headphones. When nothing happens, Yamaguchi, heart pounding somewhere near his throat for a reason he’s not entirely sure about, sits carefully on the step beside Tsukki , leaving several inches of room between them.
Another beat of silence, of stillness, and Tsukki relinquishes his hold.
This is completely unfamiliar ground for Yamaguchi and he’s unsure of what he’s supposed to be doing. But Tsukki doesn’t seem to want him to leave so he sits there quietly for several moments, trying to gauge the situation. He doesn’t think he’s supposed to really do anything, but maybe Tsukki just didn’t feel like being alone. Yamaguchi can understand that, it’s something he himself has felt after all. So he leans back on his hands, stretches his legs down to the next step and prepares himself to relax and be what he hopes is a comforting presence for the rest of their lunch period.
Almost immediately Tsukishima’s hand shoots out again, fingers wrapping around Yamaguchi’s wrist this time with painful force. It startles Yamaguchi and he jerks a little, pulling his hand in towards his chest and leaning forward in the same motion.
Did he think Yamaguchi was going to leave?
Tsukki doesn’t look at him but his hold doesn’t loosen either, not even when Yamaguchi settles the captured appendage into his lap after a moment of consideration. They’re still not touching skin to skin, so he’s tentative when he runs his fingers lightly over the back of Tsukishima’s hand, feeling the tense tendons and muscles there, the strength he’s exerting to hold onto Yamaguchi.
“It’s okay Tsukki,” he says when the blonde doesn’t pull away from his touch. “I’m not going anywhere.” Honestly he probably can’t hear Yamaguchi over the sound of his music, but the hand gripping his wrist does loosen a little, until Yamaguchi, more by instinct than any real thought, can pull his wrist out of Tsukki’s hold and tangle their fingers together. He doesn’t allow himself to examine the action, just enjoys the heat of Tsukki’s skin and tries to see if he can feel his heartbeat through it.
They sit like that until lunch is over, Tsukki silently staring at nothing, never moving, Yamaguchi’s heart fluttering as he tries to focus on the hand in his and simultaneously not over think it.
The walk to fourth period is as silent as ever and the rest of the school day passes without Tsukishima saying a single word. It’s typically a bad sign, but after the stairs he doesn’t seem quite so distant, so eager to escape from the real world. For some reason that makes Yamaguchi vaguely giddy.
Volleyball practice, which takes place almost every single day after class, and which Tsukishima couldn’t skip unless dead or dying, goes over about as well you’d expect it to. Which is to say, not well at all. Tsukki is silent and moves almost stiffly around the court, like he’s in pain from simply being in the presence of so many loud, energetic people at once. And because Tsukki is distracted, Yamaguchi is also distracted. Thank god Hinata and Kageyama are the real stars of the show (Yamaguchi full heartedly believes Tsukki is better than them, but it’s in a subtle, quiet way that doesn’t require all the shouting, yelling, and bouncing the pair does) and after the eighth missed block on Tsukishima’s part, and the tenth or eleventh time Yamaguchi has been caught staring worriedly at the blonde (he’d like to pretend it’s not that obvious but Azumane-san is giving him sympathetic looks and Nishinoya-senpai keeps wriggling his eyebrows in some kind of absurd attempt to communicate) , Daichi-san simply sends them home early with a shake of his head and a frown.
Tsukishima, who puts his headphones on almost before he’s even left the gym, doesn’t seem bothered by this at all.
Without missing a beat Yamaguchi chases after him, falling into step beside Tsukki. It’s difficult to keep up with him sometimes, because of his ridiculously long legs and equally ridiculous long stride, but Yamaguchi’s got years of practice on his side so he hardly ever falls behind anymore.
For the most part they live in the same area, just a few streets over from one another. It made being friends when they were children great because they could always walk to each other’s houses. It makes walking home together great too, because they don’t have to split up until they hit their neighborhood. As it grows closer, however, Yamaguchi notices Tsukki watching him out of the corner of his eye. It’s a small, quick glance, followed by absolutely nothing at all, but Yamaguchi thinks he understands.
When they enter the neighborhood he doesn’t turn down the street to go home but follows Tsukki instead. It’s pleasant to watch something tense fade from Tsukishima’s posture as they walk, like maybe he’d been worried Yamaguchi wouldn’t understand what he was trying to communicate.
Luckily for him Yamaguchi is almost a master at reading his subtle signs.
It’s not until Tsukki is kicking his shoes off and stepping into his foyer without announcing himself that Yamaguchi remembers his parents are out of town for the week. Tsukki’s plenty old enough to take care of himself, but the house is cold and a little dark, and it looks like nobody has been living in it for several days on end. It makes Yamaguchi’s gut clench with worry. How long has Tsukki been feeling bad?
The music leaking from Tsukki’s headphones echoes eerily down the dark hall and up the stairs as he makes his way to his bedroom on the second floor. Yamaguchi, caught up in his thoughts, hurries to slip his shoes off and follow the blonde. By the time he’s stepping into the room, dark but for the faint golden warmth of the sun streaming in through the window, Tsukki is curled up on his side in his bed. He’s got one arm tucked under his head, knees drawn tight into his body, and when Yamaguchi appears his free hand reaches out, fingers spread palm up.
Yamaguchi feels his breath stutter. The picture before him is so vulnerable; Tsukki reaching out to him, lips pressed tight together like he’s trying to hold something in, eyes downcast and uncertain, body tense for reasons Yamaguchi can’t possibly fathom.
He feels his body moving forward before he realizes he’s reaching out to take Tsukki’s hand, letting the blonde guide him to the bed until he’s crawling onto the mattress and stretching out next to Tsukki on his side. It puts them face to face, and Yamaguchi watches in wonder as pale eyelashes flutter against soft cheeks, Tsukki letting his breath out in one soft sigh.
Tsukishima shuffles closer, ducking his head to tuck it up under Yamaguchi’s chin and slip one leg between the shorter teen’s. Their interlocked hands fall away from each other so that Tsukki can instead wrap one arm around Yamaguchi’s waist, fingers lax where they brush the exposed skin in the small of Yamaguchi’s back. It’s surprisingly intimate, even after the display from before, and Yamaguchi's heart hammers loudly in his chest as he feels Tsukki’s breath ghost across his collarbone.
Soft music drifts around Yamaguchi, and he marvels about this position he’s found himself in. On the one hand Tsukki’s world must be coming down around his ears for him to seek out physical comfort from Yamaguchi, and that certainly doesn’t make him feel very good. On the other hand, he’s happy to help Tsukki in any way the blonde could ever ask of him. Not to mention that the contact, having Tsukki pressed against him, almost in his arms, has him floating somewhere above the clouds with happiness.
The sudden thought that Tsukki would trust him with this, and him alone, almost breaks Yamaguchi and he feels his chest seize with sudden emotion.
He wriggles the arm he’s laying on out from underneath himself and then tucks it under Tsukki’s neck, bending his elbow so that he can rest an open palm against the blonde’s back and pull him closer. His other hand comes up to cradle Tsukki’s head against his chest, fingers slipping easily into short hair.
Tsukki relaxes into the hold, and when his breathing slows a few minutes later Yamaguchi realizes he’s fallen asleep.
It hits him then, holding a sleeping Tsukishima in the soft glow of the setting sun, that he’s madly in love with his best friend. His heart knocks loudly against his ribs, his breath disappears somewhere in his throat and he tightens his hold on Tsukki, crushing the blonde to his chest and burying his face in the taller teen’s hair.
Yamaguchi spends the next two hours controlling the speed of his breath, the pounding of his heart, and simply revels in the feel of having Tsukki pressed against him, trusting, needing. If he didn’t understand just how badly Tsukki must be feeling right now, he’d be on cloud nine. As it is, when Tsukki wakes just after night has fallen, his back arching as he yawns, Yamaguchi can’t help himself from pressing a chaste kiss against the top of the blonde’s head.
Tsukki stiffens at first, like he’s unsure of where he is or why he’s here, but then he softens, tilts his head up and catches Yamaguchi’s lips with his own. It’s soft and sweet and maybe a little inexperienced and unsure, but Yamaguchi melts anyways.
When Tsukki pulls away it’s to sit up and pull his headphones down off his ears, one handedly reaching for his phone and turning the stream of music off. He glances at Yamaguchi, still curled up on his side but watching Tsukki, and gives a small, faint smile.
“Thanks.”
It’s so quiet Yamaguchi would have missed it if he hadn’t seen Tsukki’s lips moving in the half-light. He’s glad he doesn’t miss it.