Archive of Our Own

The smell of decay and must hung heavy in the night air as Byleth paced through the corridors of the monastery. Taking in the ruin of what she once called home filled her with a nameless dread. It seemed like yesterday, she had been at Garreg Mach happy and whole and now... It was like a haunting, far off dream

She strode along in the eerie quiet of the night. Remembering how, even after midnight, the monastery would be bursting with life. There was always some students sneaking about, boisterous guards keeping watch together, various staff and monks bustling around attending to their duties, but now there was nothing, only emptiness. The thought made her brows knit together, a frown coming to rest on her lips. Every memory had become tainted by this new sad reality. She couldn’t remember the last 5 years. There was nothing to remember but endless sleep. The time missed sat like a pit in the bottom of her stomach. She had disappeared when everyone had needed her most. The realization had changed her, made her colder, crueler all in an attempt to protect herself from the world she’d woken up in. Byleth was having a difficult time adjusting to it all, but the hardest part was seeing what had become of Dimitri.

It was clear his mind had slipped away after five years of isolation. An obsession with revenge had robbed him of his sanity. Everyone was wary of him, scared even, but Byleth thought she could understand. They had both had their lives stolen away from them. It was natural that after all this tragedy only bitterness and hatred would come to live inside of you. If only she could tell him how she understood, how she sympathized, and knew how he felt, but he was too far gone. Dimitri wouldn’t even acknowledge her. The way he acted made her angry and sad at the same time. She wanted to cry for him, scream at him, hold him and tell him she was sorry.

She wanted him to hurt her for the way she’d hurt him.

Endless doubts swirled through her mind as she continued wandering aimlessly. Her feet had unconsciously brought her back to the place she’d spent the most time at all those years ago; the Blue Lions’ homeroom. The door creaked open effortlessly as she pushed it, the lock likely broken after years of looting and misuse. Without a moment's hesitation, she walked inside and, if it weren’t for her years as a mercenary, she likely wouldn’t have caught the almost imperceptible movement in the shadows ahead of her. She stopped in her tracks, quickly drawing the small blade she kept in case of an attack and readied herself. Squinting ahead the moonlight illuminated a familiar mop of pale blonde hair.. The woman sighed and relaxed her stance, it was only Dimitri. She almost hasn’t recognized him out of his armor and in more casual clothes.

Her moment of relief was quickly dashed away by an immediate anxiety. She wanted to say something, but her voice caught in her throat as her mouth opened and closed fruitlessly. The intruder was just as startled as she was, surprise shown in his eye before quickly turning back to the usual cold glare.

“You.” His tone dripped with malice “What are you doing here.”

“Dimitri, I-“ still her words fail her as she steps towards him, her outstretched hand only causing him to flinch at her movements.

“Save your drivel or someone else. You have nothing to say that I need to hear.”

Bile rises in the back of her throat as her feet stop moving towards him and tears prick dangerously behind her eyes. His words are biting, but she deserved it.

“Dimitri, I’m sorry.” Byleth’s voice manages to come out in a hoarse whisper, pleading with him, “I’m so sorry, please you have to believe me.”

But the other doesn’t respond, only turns his back to her. She watches as his head drops towards the ground, causing his long hair to block his face from view.

The only sound in the room was her heels clacking against the worn stone as she approached the still figure. What lay before her was enough to tear her heart in two; the broken ruin of a man so dear to her refusing to even say her name, standing in the wreckage of where they had spent the happiest days of their lives.

Thoughtlessly, her hand came up to rest on his shoulder, but before she could speak Dimitri whirled around knocking her off.

“Do not touch me!” He roared, anger seething through his words. The dark circles highlighted the whites of his eyes as they widened in outrage.

“Or what, Dimitri!” She snapped back at him “You barely speak to me, and won’t even look at me what else am I supposed to do?” Steel laced her voice as she stared him down. She was already short, but standing beneath his menacing gaze she felt even smaller than usual.

“This is my fault.” She dropped her face into her hands unable to confront him any longer “If I had been there, if I hadn’t so foolishly run to the battlefield I could have stayed by your side and everything would have turned out differently.”

How she wishes she could cry in the moment, but all her life tears escaped her and now was no different. “I know I’m undeserving, but please if you’ll just allow me to try and atone…”

The woman trailed off leaving nothing but a heavy silence behind. Her fists curled at her sides, nails digging into skin the only thing keeping her sane. It would be so easy to run away from her problems, disappear again and leave everyone to their silly war while she lived the rest of her life in peace, but Byleth was never one to back down from a problem. Even if it was one that would likely be the death of her.

She waited.

A beat passed, then two until she heard a quiet chuckle build into a maniacal laugh escape from the person in front of her. He turned around, meeting her gaze like a caged animal would. Darkness had always clung to Dimitri, since the moment she met him she felt something deeper lying underneath the boy’s kind exterior. But to think he would succumb to it and turn to this? A thousand thoughts raced through her at once if only she’d been there for him.

If only, if only, if only.

But she hadn’t, and it had come to this.

The way he looked at her was the same way in which a predator stalks its prey. She had seen it many times herself when she’d hunted during her days as a mercenary. As he took a step towards her, Byleth’s feet unconsciously took a step back, unsure of what else to do.

“You wish to atone, Professor?” his voice rung low as he slowly approached her. If she had a heartbeat it would be pounding through her chest right now “The person you wish to apologize to died long ago.” Byleth’s back hit the wall, had she been backing up this entire time? It felt like she was a daze, or maybe a nightmare. Dimitri’s imposing figure towered over her, engulfing her in darkness. Her head tilted up, struggling to make out his features as his body blocked out the light of the moon.

“That’s not true, Dimitri. You can always change, we can fix our mistakes,” a pause lingered on her tongue “together.”

He looked… sad. She couldn’t help, but want to console him like she’d always done when they were younger. Byleth’s hands rose to cup his face, trying to bring what little comfort she could. Before she could even react her wrists were being grabbed and slammed against the wall behind her.

“Why!” he yelled while pinning her into place “Why did you have to come back into my life after 5 years? Why think you can change me after all this time! Like nothing has happened. Like-” his voice wavered, his exterior cracking the tiniest bit to let the true Dimitri peak through

“Like I’m not a murderer, a demon,” he looks down gazing through her instead of at her “a monster.”

It was rare for the woman to feel helpless, but in this moment she did. Anger and hurt emanated off him, burrowing itself into her core. Would he tear her apart? If so, would she let him?

“I can’t erase the past, Dimitri, yours nor mine. It is my fault these things happened. You only did what you had to do to survive, so I will take responsibility for your sins. If anyone is the monster it’s me, have I not slaughtered as many? Have I not let down my students and nation by failing to stop this war?”

“What will you give me to atone professor?” the grip on her wrists tightened to an almost painful degree, but she would not wince and show weakness.

“Would you die for me?” the man leaned in closely to her, close enough that strands of his hair brushed against her cheek. He was so warm, even through gloves his touch burned.

“Would you let me kill you?”

Byleth’s breath hitched in her throat as she listened to him. All she could do for a moment was nod.

“Yes, anything. My life is yours to do with as you please.”

Was it a guilty conscious that allowed her to throw her life away so easily or something more? To her, 5 years hadn’t passed. It still felt like yesterday that her father had died, that she’d recklessly thrown herself onto the battlefield and lost. Now, to wake up and find that everything she’d ever cared for had been destroyed? Maybe it wasn’t a life worth living. She had failed her father, Rhea, her students, the country, and- She hung her head in shame and sorrow, for herself and all those lost.

“Dimitri, you said you would use us until the flesh falls from our bones. Is that true? Will you use me? I’m offering myself to you mind, body, and soul. Will that finally make you happy?” the tone of her voice took on a frantic tone. How long would she be tortured like this! She wanted forgiveness. She wanted everyone to be happy again.

She wanted to die

“You don’t even know what you’re saying. To debase yourself on a creature like me, perhaps you are as despicable as I.” he laughs darkly and drops his hands to his sides, finally releasing her wrists.

Hesitation filled her for a moment, but only a moment, before she tilts her head back against the rough stone wall and offers her throat to him.

“What will you do? Slit my throat? Choke me? Or shall I get on my knees and beg for forgiveness?” her tone cut through him, bitingly serious. “I don’t care anymore, do what you will. I’m just as tired as you are of this life.” A momentary rage flashed across his face, but he quickly regains his composure. His hand came to her throat. The tips of his fingers brushing lightly against her skin before he pushed his thumb into the spot where her neck meets her chest. It wasn’t hard enough to deplete her air supply, but it was still a strange sensation nonetheless.

“No pulse.” he mused “Perhaps you are a monster after all.”

“Then we make quite the pair don’t we.” this time she didn’t flinch from him. She watched perplexed as his head dropped to her shoulder, his lips grazing the side of her neck.

“I break everything I touch, Byleth.” a shock of heat flipped in her belly as he used her name for the first time. “I will use you until you shatter and throw you away like everything else in my life and only then will you be forgiven.”

Her fingers rose to tangle in his hair, before grabbing a fistful.

“I am not so easily broken.” with that, something snapped inside Dimitri. Teeth sunk into the pale skin of her neck, drawing a broken gasp from her lips. Byleth’s eyes fluttered shut, overwhelmed at the action of being marked. It wasn’t long before a bruise bloomed to life at the spot as he continued to suck and nip at her it. She was his now.

He traveled further up her neck, working to leave another mark at the sensitive spot just behind her ear. She reveled in the painful sting of his bite followed by a soothing tongue, but it still didn’t feel like enough. Yes, it was greedy of her to want more, but she wanted to taste him too, wanted to feel their guilt and desperation intermingling on her tongue. She tugged on his hair, lifting his head far enough away so she could tilt her own face towards him. Byleth then slid her hand from the back of his head to his cheek and leaned in to kiss him.

It was chaste by most standards, just a brush of her lips against his, testing the waters so to speak. He didn’t respond at first, and his face betrayed no emotion of any sort. Byleth worried she had done something wrong until she felt an arm snake around her waist and another on the back of her head as she was unceremoniously slammed up against the other’s body.

The way he kissed her was maddening. It was like a man starved for years finally finding his first meal; he devoured her wholly. Lips moved brusquely against each other and teeth clacked together lost in the fervor before his tongue finally slipped into her mouth. She groaned, twisting her own tongue around his, knowing he wanted this as much as she did set her heart at ease. They continued kissing until Dimitri pulled back to pant against her. Headiness and lack of oxygen sent her mind spinning in every direction. She barely had a moment to breathe with how close they were, but she would gladly suffocate on him.

Then, without warning, she was being pushed back into the wall as Dimitri took a few stumbling steps back, disgust so plainly written on his face.

“Dimitri?” she questioned the man, confused at his sudden outburst but not really surprised.

“Five years.” he stated simply, a scowl taking over his features once more “Five years I waited for you. I had finally given up hope then you come back to ruin my life all over. I can’t take you pulling me out of despair only to send me back again.” His hand comes up to sweep through his hair, nervously tugging through the strands struggling to get what he wants to say across.

“You should have stayed away from me. You should have seen there was a reason I kept my distance, but you pushed yourself in to alleviate your own guilt under the guise of saving me.” He laughed weakly and looked up towards the hole in the ceiling of the crumbling building.

“I used to love you. I knew it could never happen, but it was a nice dream.”

“And now?” Byleth asked sadly.

“Now?” his head dropped back down as his eye met hers “Now, I want to crush you and watch the life drain from your eyes so that no one will ever have you but me.”

She gulped dryly, mind reeling at his sudden confession. Maybe she had pushed herself on him, but it was only out of love. Or perhaps he was right and it was her own selfish guilt, but, still, she wanted to set things right to restore the man she once knew at any cost.

“Then have me.” She stepped forward, the moonlight casting a silvery glow against her hair.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I told you before, I will live for you and die for you. I won’t let anyone but you kill me. I am only yours, Dimitri.” Reaching out she grabbed onto his hand and raised his gloved knuckles to her lips. No matter how he yelled or hurt her, she would always treat him gently. She knew this exterior was not who he truly was, and years of hurt had created this persona. What he needed was companionship, and for her to be at his side again. Then they would both finally be free.

“What can I do to show you I care and earn your forgiveness?” she looked at him earnestly. The woman would not shy away, and would never stop pursuing his happiness.

His fingers tensed against her lips as she patiently waited for a response. She felt his hand shift from it’s place at her mouth downwards to grab her chin, tilting it up towards himself.

“If you want forgiveness then get on your knees and beg for it.” Dimitri was challenging her, goading her, seeing how far she was willing to go before she finally broke. He underestimated her resolve.

Without hesitation Byleth sunk to her knees at his feet. The broken pieces of stone that littered the room dug into her skin, drawing pinpricks of blood through her leggings. There was no shame or pride in the darkness where only they could see. Whatever it took to convince him she would do. Her head was leaned back, gaze unbreaking from the person towering over her. If she didn’t know better she would almost say he looked serene. The dark shadows played across his face, softening his permanently sharp features into something more neutral than his ever present glare. She watched as those features shifted slightly when she drug her palms up over the planes of his thighs. The muscles stood out through the fabric, allowing her to feel how much he’d bulked up over the years.

He was no longer the boy she once knew.

Her hands finally reached their destination as they gripped onto the edge of his pants, pulling them just low enough to reveal the dip of his pelvis. She placed a gentle kiss on the newly exposed skin as her hands went to work undoing his belt. Nervousness plucked at her as she unzipped his pants and pulled them down enough to uncover the bulge in his underwear. She glanced up, trying to receive some sort of affirmation that what she was doing was what he wanted, but his stoic face still betrayed nothing. The only difference was his breathing picking up noticeably, excited by seeing the woman on her knees before him.

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as she leaned in closer, almost close enough for her nose to brush against him. She could feel her hot breath fan out around her face, eyes darting up and down unsure of where to land as she pulled down his underwear teasingly slow. If she was going to let him use her, she might as well get her fun out of it too.

She tugged them low enough to allow his full length out. He seemed… well endowed but she wasn’t exactly an authority on the matter. Byleth wasn’t a virgin, but she hadn’t had the time to sleep around either. A small bubble of pride welled up in her chest when she noticed that he was already half hard. It stroked her ego to know that he wanted her, or at least found her sexy enough to get turned on by. So, before she could lose her mettle, Byleth wrapped her fist around his cock and gave it a few firm pumps, attempting to fully harden him. For some reason it was heavier in her hand than she had expected. Perhaps it was the 5 years away but she felt somewhat at a loss for what to do, afraid her skills had vanished over the time. Well, no better way to find out then to just do it she mused.

Her tongue flicked out experimentally, licking over the tip. Overhead she heard a sharp inhale from Dimitri, the first sign of the night that he was actually human and enjoyed some of the baser things in life. She looked up through heavy lashes trying to hide the smug smile on her face as she licked a stripe from his base to the tip, eager to see how he’d react.

She took the head in her mouth, rolling her tongue around it. He tasted of musk and salt and she watched as his jaw tensed and his fists clenched at his sides. It was almost cute how hard he tried to keep up the uncaring charade, as if he was above this. She would bring him crashing down to her level soon enough.

Her attempt at a blowjob was sloppy at best, but what she lacked in skill she more than made up for in determination. The woman bobbed her head halfway up his length, pressing her tongue up against the underside in an attempt to make it pleasurable for him. She could get about three fourths of the way down before she felt she had reached her limit, and pulled back, hollowing her cheeks and sucking on him as she went. It wasn’t enough, though. She wanted to take all of him in her throat, she wanted it to hurt.

Byleth grabs one of his clenched fists and guides it to the back of her head. His hand reflexively uncurls and buries into her locks making her shudder at the touch. They make eye contact as she drops her jaw as much as she can muster and slides her mouth down his entire length. She works past the discomfort when the tip hits the back of her throat and goes further. Still, it’s too much for her, it feels suffocating as she chokes around it. She hears a curse and feels a sharp tug on her scalp as she’s ripped back. Air gasps into her lungs as she coughs for a moment trying not to retch.

She probably looked a mess; swollen lips covered in saliva that was dribbling down the corners of her mouth and watery eyes fighting back the nausea. Still, she managed to smiled up at him coyly, her voice still hoarse from the moments before.

“Again?”

Broad hands twisted in her hair, a tight tingling spreading out across her head. She could see Dimitri’s pupil blown out with lust. There was something savage in his eyes and she fucking loved it.

All at once, she was being shoved back down, and could only focus on keeping her mouth open and trying to breathe. Her hands came up and gripped onto his thighs, trying to find some balance as he roughly slid down her throat. Everything felt fuzzy to her, like her senses were dulled from the onslaught. She registered her own broken moans and whines, and the feeling of the tip hitting the back of her throat at the same time her nose hit his pelvis, but everything else felt like a blur. She could get lost in the feeling of letting her mind go blank. Not having to think or worry for one moment.

Every so often her teeth would graze against him as her jaw grew tired, and he would tug sharply on her hair to correct it. The sudden pain caused her to choke out a moan around him, delighting in the harsh treatment. She didn’t think she was crying, but her face felt wet as her eyes watered uncontrollably and spilled down her cheeks. She was sure she looked utterly wrecked and broken. Just the way she wanted.

He pulls out of her throat electing to instead thrust shallowly against her lips and tongue. It was a small moment of reprieve allowing her to catch her breath and regain enough brain function to realize how hopelessly turned on she was. Wetness seeped into underwear as she squeezed her thighs together, trying to produce any friction at all. One of the hands that had previously been gripping his thigh dropped to the waist of her pants, slipping underneath in order to find her own relief. Before she could do anything Dimitri was pulling out of her mouth and grabbing her underarm with a vice like grip, yanking her up in a standing position. Her eyes widened in surprise at the sudden change, confused as to what was going on.

“Did I say you could touch yourself?” He snarls at her and she could only whimper in response.

A calloused hand finds its way to lay across the portion of her lower abdomen revealed by her outfit. Her breathing picks up as he drags it lower and lower, mimicking what she had been doing just before. Byleth’s legs shudder in anticipation as his hand slips into her pants and past the band of her underwear. After what feels like an eternity, she feels a finger dragging up her slick folds making her gasp out. Even something small like this is sending her teetering.

“You’re shameless.” His finger pushes deeper into her, grazing against her clit and sending a shockwave of pleasure through her body. “Getting this wet from having your throat fucked.”

A blush spread across Byleth’s cheeks at his unexpected dirty talk. Not that she didn’t like it she just hadn’t pegged him for the type. Averting her eyes, she brought an arm up to cover her face, trying to hide from his piercing gaze. Dimitri had grown quite a bit since she’d last seen him. Now, he lauded over her, standing a full head taller. A fist rested on the wall above her head allowing him to lean forward against, only adding to the feeling of powerlessness as his form enveloped her.

“Do you enjoy being treated like a whore, Professor?” he asked this nonchalantly, like it was the most casual thing in the world. Byleth bites her lip, then drops her arm.

“Only by you.” she quips back.

He seemed pleased by this answer. She could feel his hand cup her mound before he finally slid a finger inside of her wet heat. Her walls clenched around the sudden intrusion, it wasn't filling enough or fast enough or anything enough for her, but they were currently constricted by her clothing. After a moment another finger joins the first, pumping in and out as much as they can in the limited space. The way his hand is positioned causes the heel of his palm to grind against her clit, heightening the experience to a new level. Byleth drops her head and scrunches her eyes shut, trying to find her orgasm. Stuttering breaths and needy whimpers spill out of her as he continues to finger her against the wall. A pressure builds in her abdomen and she starts rutting against his hand desperate to come. Understanding what she needs, he applies pressure to his palm rubbing it against the bundle of nerves there. The sensation was finally enough to send her over the edge. Her thighs clench around his hand, electric pulsing through her veins sending signals to every pleasure receptor in her body. She felt she didn’t have the current mental facilities to do anything other than cry out.

“A-h Dimitri!” She leans forward, burying her face into his chest as she rides out the last of the sputtering jolts of her orgasm, feeling too weak to try and hold her full weight up. Her mind was foggy, but she took deep breaths and slowly but surely began to regain her composure. She couldn’t help but feel a little disappointment when he withdrew his hand from her pants. Admittedly, she liked having him touch her. It meant being connected with him on a deeper level than they had ever been before. It also meant he would be with her a bit longer.

She wondered if this meant their tryst was over and he was going to turn around and leave her all over again. Go back to his old ways and refuse to speak to her, until she had to pull another drastic stunt. Repetition.

Byleth didn’t want to think about that right now. Instead, choosing to focus on the steady rise and fall of his chest as her face rested against it. The sound of his heart racing against his ribs made her chest tight, it made him feel more human. She knew if she cut him, he would bleed red like anyone else. So for a moment, she just listened, imagining what it would be like if she could feel her own heart beat like that. She didn’t want this to end, but soon enough the spell would be broken and they would go back to how things were before. She wasn’t going to let him go without a fight though. However long she could keep him with her, talking to her, touching her, she would.

“Do you want to fuck me?” The words tumbled out of her before she could even think about what she was saying. He tensed against her and her stomach turned, afraid he really was going to leave now. Time froze as she waited for him to do something, anything.

Agonizing was the only way to describe it.

Her mouth opened in a feeble attempt at an apology, but before she could say anything she felt her body being turned towards the wall and a hand pushing on her back bending her over. Byleth’s palms shot out to brace herself against the stone, stopping her face from slamming into it. The cold surface felt nice against her hot cheek, the cooling effect helped to keep her grounded as she felt Dimitri grab her ass and roughly knead it. In one quick motion her pants were pulled from her waist, instead coming to pool around her ankles. It must have seemed like too much work for him to get her to take her shoes off because she heard a tearing sound from behind and felt her underwear being pulled to the side. Dimitri ripping through her tights like it was nothing, impatient to fuck her, made her groan against the wall. It was animalistic and maybe a little sexy. She’d have to get more tights for him to rip in the future.

A curse slipped from Dimitri as he prodded his tip against her slick opening. He grabbed onto her hips and buried himself in one quick thrust. Dull pain throbbed through her abdomen as she cried out from the sudden stretch. Her nails scratched into the stone, clawing at the wall trying to adjust to the sensation.

“Do you still want me to use you, Professor?" he uses the title in an almost mocking tone "I have no intentions of going easy on you just because we were once close.”

She craned her neck trying to make eye contact from the awkward position but couldn’t quite manage.

“Yes, I want it so bad it hurts Dimitri.” She whines and grinds her hips back against him “You feel so good, please use me, snap me in half, whatever you want just fuck me.” His nails dig into her hips as she begs, leaving crescent moon shaped divots. To make him weak with her words and have this effect of him fills her with joy. She would bring him back, she knew it.

Dimitri was quick to fulfill her pleas. The pace he started was quick but rhythmic, and discomfort quickly gave way to pleasure. The sound of skin hitting skin echoed throughout the dark, cavernous room. If anyone in the Monastery decided to take a late night stroll they would surely hear them, but even that sent a tiny thrill through her. Let them know she had brought the beast king back from despair.

Every thrust pushed her face into the wall, and soon an outline of the stone would be imprinted upon her cheek. One more reminder of what they had done this night. On the other side her hips were being gripped so hard they would surely have bruises. Pretty purple marks blooming to life on her legs in the shape of him, a reminder for every time she looked in the mirror that she was his.

Dimitri grunted as he pounded into her. His dick was definitely the biggest she'd ever taken, and it showed. Her legs started to shake at his unrelenting pace, and, between holding her bent position against the wall and being thoroughly fucked for all she was worth, Byleth didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to stand.

“D-Dimitri, the desk.” she manages to gasp out to him in between thrusts “Fuck me on the desk.”

She really hoped he would listen to her, because she was about 2 seconds away from falling over. Thankfully, she felt his hips stutter and slow as he hummed in response. She caught the sound clothes ruffling and a zipper being pulled behind her after she felt him pull out.

All of the sudden she was airborne, picked up like she weighed nothing at all. Byleth yelped as she was slung over his shoulder too stunned to move. She probably could have managed walking over there, but this was fine too. A few short steps later and she was unceremoniously dropped on the desk. Perhaps a little too roughly, she would rather not break her back before they finished having sex.

As payback she grabbed his arm and pulled hard, sending him toppling down onto her. She failed to hide a smile at the uncharacteristic yell he let out as he fell, so very unlike him to be caught off guard. The woman then wrapped her arms and legs around the man to keep him from escaping. She hadn’t expected him to give into her so willingly, but he quickly relaxed into her embrace breaking some of the tension from earlier. Dimitri’s arms slipped underneath her back pulling himself closer while his face rested on her bosom. His head sat just below her chin and she could smell the military's lye soap rations mixing with the sweat from their exertions. Not a pleasing scent, but it was his all the same. She placed a gentle kiss to his hair then began gently stroking it. She did it with such reverence that a physical ache bloomed within her, astonished at how intimate he had allowed her to become. The goddess resided within her, but he would be the only one she worshipped.

They lay like that for a minute, stealing a moment of time neither of them deserved until Dimitri stirred above her, likely tired of her vice-like grip.

She relented and freed him. The man placed his hands on either side of her head and pushed himself up so that he was no longer crushing her. Already she could feel the chill of the night air creeping back into her bones, she quite liked having his body heat keeping her warm. No words were spoken between them for a beat. His blue eye bore into her, as dark and unreadable as always. If she had a lifetime perhaps she could come to decipher the meaning behind his looks, but neither of them had that much time. They never would.

She lifted her arms up, using one hand to sweep the hair away from his face while the other came to rest on his cheek. His lip trembled.

“Why?” he whispered to her.

“Why what? She asks, rubbing soothing circles into his cheeks with her thumb afraid of what was coming next.

“Why are you being so kind to a monster like me.” for once he looks vulnerable. She thinks it’s a look that suits him.

“I don’t see you as that.”

“What you see me as doesn’t change the fact that I am, you just choose to ignore it for reasons I cannot fathom.”

She sighed and smiled up at him sadly. Byleth had thought if she sat here and let him fuck her maybe they could have a more amicable relationship. She hoped, albeit foolishly, if he would only speak to her every now and again that would be enough, but she knew that would never be the case. She couldn’t settle, she wanted more than a few words every now and then. She wanted him to give himself to her like she was so ready to do for him.

“I treat you kindly because-” she pauses, knowing she shouldn’t say what she’s about to say, but she’s a horrible, selfish, twisted person so she will “because I love you.”

A hand slams down next to her head making her jump. His previously soft expression turns furious.

“Don’t say that! Don’t lie to me!” his teeth are bared as he yells into her face. No taking it back now.

“I’m not lying, I wouldn’t about this. I have loved you from the beginning, Dimitri. I fell in love with your kindness, your passion, your optimism, and how you’d rush to Sylvain’s side when he got hurt in battle and help Dedue garden on your days off. I wanted to be the person that cared for you while you cared for everyone else.” she struggled to find the right words to say in the situation that wouldn’t set him off again “Even though we were close in age I was your Professor. I couldn’t act on it, I couldn’t cross that line.” Maybe in another lifetime they could have found each other and been happy, but their current life could not be that simple.

“To me, no time has passed at all since I came to terms with my feelings for you. For you though, time has kept marching on, and, with the way you are now, I didn’t think I would ever have a chance to stay by your side unless I made myself useful. But…” she dropped her hand to her chest, curling it into a fist in an attempt to fight off the sick feeling swirling inside of her.

“But after you admitted you used to love me too I had a little hope that maybe you could come to love me again.”

She watched his eyebrows knit together in thought, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t bring himself to say it. He had always been one for action over word, so many times they escaped him. All he did was shake his head, his scowl regracing his features.

“I’m not capable of love anymore.”

She felt her heart breaking all over again. She didn’t believe him, wouldn’t believe him. It was her duty to teach him love again, he could come back. Dimitri was still inside there somewhere. This war had stolen everything from them. If she had just won that day, the last five years could have been spent in bliss with him by her side. But she hadn’t, and now there was nothing left to do but pick up the pieces. If she couldn’t do that then the least she could do was put an end to this war, even if it cost Byleth her life.

“It’s ok Dimitri I don’t care.” hysteria rising in her voice as she rose to sit on the edge of the desk “You don’t need to love me, I have enough love for the both of us. I just want to be of use to you. Won’t you let me make you happy?” she grabs his face in her hands and forces him to look at her.

“Just let me pretend in this moment that everything will be alright.” Her hands shake against his skin “I waited 5 years to feel your touch, and tomorrow I’ll go on the battlefield and bring you Edelgard’s head, but for tonight won’t you just let me imagine what could have been?”

Unable to meet her imploring gaze he gave a curt nod and that was all she needed. She kissed him again without any of the desperation or hungry fire that filled her before. It was gentle and tender, filled with intention and love and hope. She licked into his mouth and he let her, the fury had left him. They explored each other lazily, and she took this time to memorize every part of his mouth and the way he tasted against her. He slotted himself between her legs and she could feel his body press against her core.

It was a bit embarrassing to admit but she was still horny from before and feeling his bulge through the thin fabric of his pants only worked her back up again. She craved the closeness and intimacy that sex brought them, wanted it again and again. If he didn’t love her he could at least love the sex.

Byleth palmed him through the material, hoping to get him hard again.

“Are you going to finish what you started? I told you I have to atone.” She goaded the man. For him vinegar worked better than honey, contrary to the age old saying.

“Byleth.” there was a dangerous edge to his voice but she waved him off. She could be sad about it tomorrow, right now she wanted to pick up where they had left off.

For the second time that night she pulled his dick free from his pants and lined it up to enter her. The process was much easier this time and Dimitri was far gentler. She almost wished he wasn’t and would just go back to treating her like a toy and nothing more. Kindness, even in small amounts, reminded her too much of the old Dimitri. But what did it matter anyways? It was only pretend

This time, it didn’t hurt as he slid into her, she was still stretched and slick from their last round. He laid her back onto the desk softly, like any harder and she would break, a far cry from his actions not too long before. He then hoisted her legs up to rest on his shoulders, causing her to moan as he slowly rocked into her from their new position. It felt incredible, but pace he set was painstakingly slow.

“Dimitri you can move faster.” He didn’t answer but picked up the pace in response. His hands came to rest on the desk with her caged between, it felt deeply intimate to be surrounded entirely by him. As he leaned forward though Byleth’s knees were almost forced to her chest, her flexibility being pushed to its limits. It was a good thing she was a fighter and stretched every day, or else something might have torn. Honestly, she was also glad she could do it because it was a great position. She could feel him reaching even deeper inside of her than before, grazing over a spot that had her seeing sparks and causing her back to arch off the desk as she cried out.

“Fuck, right there, Dimitri it feels so good.”

“Here?” He asks before angling his hips to snap back into her.

“Oh goddess yes yes, don’t stop.” It sounded like gibberish leaving her lips, trying to encourage him through her pleasure. The ridge of his head brushed up against that same spot relentlessly, and Byleth felt like a wave was building inside of her about to come crashing down at any moment. She scratched against the shirt on his back, clawing the muscled expanse hard enough to leave red marks underneath the fabric.

The desk creaked underneath them as they moved, years of misuse leaving it a tad shaky and they certainly weren’t helping. It was hardly noticeable, an inconsequential sound underneath the noises coming from the two of them, so easily covered up by their pants and moans. She could tell her partner was close as he became more vocal. She appreciated the quiet moans that left him, ringing sweetly in her ears.

“Byleth I’m close.” he panted into her ear, losing the rhythm he had been keeping as he approached his orgasm. She nodded animatedly, unable to form words at the moment to let him know she was close too.

She felt his hips stutter as he began to pull out of her. Byleth quickly grabbed his arm to catch his attention, before it was too late.

“Come inside of me.” His eye widens at her, but she feels his hips meet hers as he buries himself inside of her again.

He seems to double his efforts, sent into a frenzy by her words. It’s only a moment before she feels her orgasm hit like a stray arrow. She throws her head back against the wood of the desk, her light hair fanning out around her as her body floats and fizzles through the sensitivity. The feeling of her walls tightly clenching around him was enough to send Dimitri over the edge with her. She felt him pump in once then stop, spilling into her. Having his hot seed flow into her was a strange feeling, but at the same time it made her unbelievably happy to have a piece of him like that.

“Shit.” The man above her said after taking a few deep breaths.

“Yeah.” Is all she could manage to reply.

He slowly pulled out and let her legs down from his shoulders. She winced feeling stiffness take hold in her legs after holding them up for so long. That was definitely going to burn tomorrow. The weight of what they had done was finally crashing down around her. Anxiety rooted itself in her core the more her mind raced over what to do now. Her mouth opened to speak, but he held up a hand to stop her.

“Before you speak let me apologize. I don’t want you to die for me or kill for me or atone for my sins.” He ruffles his hair sighing loudly, a nervous habit of his since childhood. “At the end of the day I’m still a beast, and it’s best if you keep your distance like before. You owe me nothing and certainly not an apology.” he laughs darkly to himself and turns around adjusting his clothes preparing to leave. “I suppose you can consider this forgiveness and atonement if that makes you feel better.”

Byleth slides off the desk landing on wobbly legs, and she can feel his cum start to leak out of her. She quickly adjusts her own garments trying cover herself up somewhat before he can go, but realizes her pants are forgotten in some corner of the room, abandoned.

For as long as she can remember, Byleth has prided herself on quick thinking, it’s the one thing that keeps you alive as a mercenary, but in this moment she’s unsure of where to even start. She takes shuffling steps up to him, grabbing his wrist before he can make his exit. Her small fingers barely fit around his wrist, and she swears she can feel the way his heart flutters under the thin skin.

“What if I don’t want to be forgiven?” she murmurs into the nothingness, hoping it won’t fall on deaf ears “What if I want us to stay like this forever?”

“My life is dedicated to righting the wrongs of the world and avenging the dead. I am only a walking corpse, a beast… Even if I wanted too I could never love you, Byleth.”

The rising sun illuminates the two of them in a worn out room they once called home. She shrugs and takes his hand.

“Worse lies have been told.”