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When they were together like this, Five on his back with his hands on Vanya’s hips as she rode him to the edge of oblivion, Five would look back at all his mistakes, his missteps, and his sins and wonder which one cemented the misery he was living now.
This was not to say he did not take pleasure in Vanya’s body, the tightness of her core as she took in his cock, the feel of her hardened nipples against his chest. He loved it as much as he hated it. He could sense that she was close to coming. And as always, her eyes were glazed and directed at the wall in front of her. Or rather, directed at anywhere but him.
Five longed for the days when she would smile at him, when they could tell each other anything without fear of an icy silence that inevitably followed any discussion they would have now. Back then, Vanya would look at him and see him. He missed the days when he could see her eyes light up at the sight of him.
Now, she would usually just look past him if she even as much as glanced his way.
A sane man would have ended this relationship, or lack thereof. After all, Vanya saw him as nothing more than a cock that she endured having between her legs. His past self would have been disgusted at his present state. However, this was all he could have of her. And Five was both hungry and desperate enough for the smallest bits of scraps she was willing to give. And he did owe it to her to give her what she wanted.
He could not help but compare how different things were when they first came together like this (but also not like this). They were seventeen and Five had filled countless notebooks, his bedroom wall and even his ceiling with equations that would finally grant him the ability to safely and successfully time travel. His first attempt back when they were thirteen had ended up an utter failure. To his shame even to the present day, he had to go back to the manor with the proverbial tail between his legs.
Five could honestly have dealt with harsher trainings or a brutal punishment. Instead, he had to endure months and years of Dad’s version of “I told you so.” Whenever the old man did not agree with Five, he would never fail to bring up Five’s failed attempt at time jumping as if being wrong once made Five be incorrect forever.
Five suspected it was the old man’s way of dissuading him from trying time travel again. But if that was so, then Five was happy to disappoint Dad. He was never one to be permanently disheartened by failure. And Five believed in himself enough to know down to the marrow of his bones that he would get it right eventually.
Five knew he was close. In fact, there was nothing actually stopping him from making another attempt. Well, nothing except Vanya.
Vanya had been his most steadfast companion, patient enough to listen to his rants and sympathize with him. She was the gentle hands that cleaned his wounds and the soft voice that dispensed both advise and comfort when he needed it.
Five would like to think that he was the one who knew Vanya the best, especially with all the time they spent together. So he could not fail to notice the concern on her face every time she saw the numbers on his walls.
Time had made him more aware of her. How her hair had reached her waist, how her uniform had to change to accommodate her developing body, and how the mere sight of her knees below her short uniform skirt had him reaching a sort of completion as he touched himself while alone in his room.
Perhaps it was hormones messing with his mind. Because he might just be imagining Vanya holding him just as second longer, being just that more careful when bandaging him, and staring at him longer when she thought he wasn't looking. Five wanted to think she held the same awareness of him as he did of her. But with him being the only sibling who interacted with Vanya on a daily basis, he had no way of knowing for sure whether Vanya’s actions were simply that of a girl who wanted to keep her only friend in the world or one who wanted to be more than just a friend or a sibling.
Going through puberty was one of the worst things to happen to Five. All his life, he could easily decide on what he wanted and then take steps to secure it. But now, he was at a crossroads with desiring many opposing things. Wanting to time travel as soon as possible and yet not wanting to risk leaving Vanya. Wanting to be more than a friend/brother and yet not wanting to ruin the relationship he had with her.
It was certainly disconcerting when he first realized that his eyes had been following her whenever she was within his vicinity. With that, he began to notice details that he had long taken for granted. Like how she would light up (as much as Vanya could light up with pills she needed to take to keep her from getting too excited or anxious) whenever any of their siblings paid her the slightest bit of attention or how she would straighten her spine right before she would ask to join the others in whatever activity currently caught their fancy.
Dad was not much of a parent. It said something that a robot and a chimpanzee were the ones he and his siblings immediately went to when they needed something. And it didn’t help that almost all Dad’s comments regarding his adopted children involved negative criticisms and backhanded compliments.
Five had long learned to disregard Reginald Hargreeves’ words in favor of his own assessment of his capabilities and worth. Or at least, he made a conscious effort to cast Dad’s opinions aside. Most of the time, Dad’s words slipped over him like water. But the man had known him since infancy and studied him all his life. So it really shouldn’t have surprised Five that sometimes, Reginald can find a chink in Five’s well-built armor.
If Dad could get to Five, then that went at least double for Vanya. She never cried at Dad’s censure or fault-finding. Vanya heard it almost every day and got used to it. But that only meant she could tolerate the pain, not feel numbed to it (with or without her pills). Vanya wasn’t top of the class when it came to schoolwork, but she wasn’t dead last either. She put effort in everything she did, whether it was playing her violin or figuring out the inter-relation of geometry, algebra and the Cartesian Plane.
Reginald Hargreeves reminded her that she was the odd one out in this family because she didn’t have powers. But that didn’t stop Vanya from trying to make something of herself. She wanted to go to Juilliard (or any school with a developed music program) and meet people with the same passion for music as she had. She wanted to learn and eventually perform on-stage.
Unfortunately, it was Vanya’s own insecurities that held her back.
Vanya would always tell him that she didn’t think she’d be good enough to get into the good music programs no matter how hard she practiced. He had tried to convince her to submit an application. But as far as he knew, she hadn’t even filled in the forms.
Vanya wasn’t afraid of hard work. But she was terrified of rejection. Their siblings were too absorbed with their own concerns to spare a thought for Vanya. Grace was a robot who could only follow her programming. And Pogo, as sympathetic as he was, would not lift a finger to help if it meant defying Reginald Hargreeves.
When they were twelve, Vanya had once wanted to enter a competition. She didn’t think she could actually win it then either. But she just wanted to be able to try it out and see how far she’d go. Five had been all for it.However, Dad didn’t approve because he thought it was a waste of time for Pogo or himself to take her to the venue (having Grace do the honors would have been out of the question and so was having Five teleport her there).
Vanya never asked again. And to this day, Five wished he’d just told her to join anyway. He should have convinced her that he’d take her no matter what Dad said.
But like his siblings, he had his own problems occupying him. He hadn’t put much effort in actually doing something to help her out. So at seventeen, when he finally realized how severe Vanya’s isolation was, Five became paralyzed with indecision. He had gone over his probability maps for at least a hundred times. And it indicated a 5% chance that he’d be permanently unable to return to his original jumping point. His thirteen-year old self would have taken that chance. But at seventeen, when he had started to care for more than his pride and how everyone saw him, he wasn’t so sure he could take the risk of leaving Vanya.
Sure, Vanya could legally leave home by now. But the thought of her out there without anyone to keep an eye on her and him being physically unable to do so made him ill.
On the other hand, he really wanted to time travel. It was more than a means to prove Dad’s fallibility. It was an aspect of his powers that he wanted to explore. Unlike Klaus or Ben, Five had never been afraid of what his powers could do. In fact, the more facets he discovered and utilized, the happier Five would be.
Besides, hadn’t he done everything he could as Vanya’s brother? He had listened to her concerns and anxiety. And he had given her advice on how to deal with them. It was unfortunate that she chose not to follow his advice. But there really wasn’t much he could do. He couldn’t and wouldn’t control her just because he thought she was hindering herself from reaching her full potential. It was her choice to make and Five couldn’t live her life for her.
After all, Vanya was just his adopted sister. Not his wife. Soon, they would go their separate ways after they closed the Hargreeves Manor gate behind them. He didn’t doubt getting the occasional call and holiday greeting card. But with their separate interests and trajectory for the future (he was going to MIT and planning on the next project after he finally time travelled), Five didn’t know how they could maintain the same level of closeness they enjoyed while living under the same roof.
So overall, Five told himself that he should just take a risk and literally jump to the future and see what would happen with his own eyes. Unfortunately, Five was just as human as any other. And despite all logic, he still couldn’t risk leaving Vanya.
A part of him, the part that urged him to act on his newly-realized feelings for Vanya, told him that he was being a coward. That time travel was only a way for him to escape his current predicament. Five didn’t want to live in Hargreeves manor any more than he wanted to risk Vanya telling him that she only saw him as a brother. Focusing on time jumps was just a way for him to ignore the problems that plagued him.
It turned out that Vanya was the braver of the two of them.
Not long after he told her of his plans to move out, Vanya sneaked in his room and tucked herself beside him. At first, he was startled at the sudden dip at the side of his bed. When he finally noticed Vanya, he had thought he was having another erotic dream. But he soon realized he was wide awake and had the living, breathing Vanya right beside him.
The Vanya of his dreams had confidence to her that had her taking off her clothes without preamble or ceremony.
The real Vanya still had a nervousness coming off in waves throughout her body. She probably expected him to push her off the bed and send her away from his room. Five wondered where she got the courage to come here in the first place. When they were younger, Vanya had been a frequent visitor. But only during the day time. Besides, as soon as they hit puberty, Dad had given several lectures about maintaining propriety and decorum which basically meant no sleepovers or sharing of beds between siblings.
And because Pogo and Grace did make rounds in the middle of the night, this rule had mostly been followed. But it seemed that luck was on their side. Grace was temporarily out of commission and Pogo had to accompany Dad to wherever he had to go to.
“What are you doing, Vanya?” he managed to blurt out as his eyes locked on her hands, busy unbuttoning her night shirt.
But she made no answer and proceeded to reveal her breasts to his line of sight. Suddenly, Five felt like a starving man shown a full course buffet. But as with how this night started, it was Vanya who made the first move. With trembling hands, she reached for his own hand and placed it on one breast. He found that he liked how easily it fit the size of his palm.
There wasn’t much talking done for what happened next. But what they lacked in experience, they made up for in enthusiasm.
And in one night, Five decided there was no way he was leaving Hargreeves House without her. If only he had insisted that she follow his time table and leave on the day he had originally planned. Yes, it was nonsensical to move without a proper plan. But looking back, Five would have rather they did instead of staying a day longer.
But at the time, he was too caught up with the joys of discovering the girl he loved felt the same way. Of learning how deliciously and snugly they fit together.
Those few weeks were it seemed they were the only two people in the world were the happiest of his life. There were of course drawbacks to still be living with Dad such as all the sneaking around they had to do. Five and Vanya found out they had a voracious appetite for each other. The time of day and the place didn’t matter. Whether it was night or day, in the library or in one of their rooms, as long as they were alone together, they would go at it like rabbits.
It all came to an end on one such day. Five remembered looking for Vanya because of his overwhelming need to be inside her again. He was about to open her bedroom door when he heard Dad on the other side.
“I see that you followed my instructions. Good job, Number Seven. Without you, Number Five would have abandoned the Academy. For now, let him think that his plans are just slightly delayed.”
Dad’s words sent a chill up his spine. It was one thing to know that Dad was trying to undermine his efforts. But for Vanya to be in on it, he had half a mind to burst through that door and confront them.
But what would that have accomplished? Reginald Hargreeves always thought that whatever he did was the right thing. No amount of reason would convince him otherwise.
As for Vanya, he didn’t want to see Vanya right now. If he went in that room, all they would see is his hurt and vulnerability. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.
When Vanya came to him that night (after Pogo’s midnight round), his clothes were already packed in a suitcase he hid under his bed. She noticed he was a little too quiet and had asked him what was wrong. But he silenced her with a kiss he meant to be punishing and nips that may have stung a bit more than usual.
Five’s thrusts were rough and the positions he placed her in weren’t too comfortable. But she came all the same.
He was gone by the time she woke up the next morning.
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Five had thought that distance and time would have been enough for him to forget about her. But he soon found out that her absence from his life only served to fuel his desire for her. What a sorry state he was in to still want to hear her breathe beside him or lay her head on his shoulder or feel her arms around him especially in those heated moments as he spilled himself inside her.
Trying time travel now would leave no doubt in his mind that he was only doing it to run away from her. He felt her hold on him was as strong as ever. So he stayed in the present until he was sure that his journey through time, his life’s work, would not be tainted by her memory.
So as further retaliation to what she had put him through, he never read her letters, sent over the course of the months they’ve been separated. She had tried calling several times. But he would immediately hang up as soon as he heard her voice.
At first, he thought to increase his efforts in trying to forget her. So he took to alcohol and bringing strange women home with him.
Those only served to make him forget temporarily. Soon enough, memories of Vanya would come back with a vengeance.
And to his eternal regret, he took it out on Vanya on that fateful day she visited him a few months later. The sight of her at his front door hit him like a ton of bricks. She had put on weight but was noticeably paler. And his first thought was to drag her inside and take her clothes off.
That just irritated Five even more. Truth be told, Five never thought she’d have the guts to face him. This just made him caught unaware by her sudden reappearance in his life. Traveling all the way from Hargreeves Manor to his apartment in a city miles away, she must have been confident that whatever she had to say would change his mind. Because she should have figured out by now that he knew about her conspiring with Dad. She had tried and failed to trick him into staying at the Academy indefinitely. But she did succeed in fueling his obsession with her, seducing him to the point that he well might have acceded to everything she wished had he never found out about Dad’s scheme.
If she ever knew him at all, then Vanya would know there would be no forgiveness for her. In fact, he had already steeled himself to take every word out of her mouth as fabrication.
And what an amazing tale she told! While she admitted that Dad approached her to stop Five’s departure, she said that she never agreed to it. Dad had noticed Five looking at her much more than usual and concluded that he viewed Vanya as more than a sister. Dad said that Vanya can use sex to lead Five by the nose. That way, Vanya would never have to worry about being parted from Five and Five would never leave the Academy.
But in spite of Dad’s assertions that Five was only being fueled by puberty and hormones, Vanya interpreted Five’s actions differently. So when she entered his room and spent the night with him that first time, she did it thinking that he reciprocated her feelings. When he had talked about leaving the Academy together, she had started to make plans, fully intending to be together with him.
How ridiculous! Five pretty much laughed at her face and told her that Dad was right. The only reason he had slept with her was because he was as horny as hell and couldn’t control himself when she practically threw herself at him. It was a lie of course. But she was obviously trying to get him to admit that he actually cared for her, loved her even. And if he did that, she would have an opening. Five couldn’t have that.
As if by some stroke of luck, his bedroom door opened. And Vanya got a good look at the girl Five had just fucked from last night to the early hours of the morning.
Five should have been joyful at the look on her face. But it made him want to apologize instead. When she rushed down the stairs of his apartment complex, he had wanted to follow her. However, he thought better of it and made to close his door when he heard a sound that made his heart seem to leap out of his chest.
He rushed out to find Vanya lying at the bottom of the stairs. She had slipped and fell.
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Vanya lost the baby from the trauma of the fall. Her arm was also broken so Vanya didn’t even have the comfort of being able to play her beloved violin.
Despite Five telling himself that it was an accident, he couldn’t help but blame himself. He stayed by her bedside as much as the nurses and Vanya herself would allow, which really meant that it was up to the nurses because Vanya spent the whole time either sedated or staring into space. Her hand was limp against his. And he wished that Vanya would just snap out of it, rage at him, and hit him. Anything was better than her silence and the lost look in her eyes.
The first time the nurses made him go home, he came back to his apartment just to sit on his couch and stare at the clock, waiting for morning to come so that he can go visit her again. But time passed at a snail’s pace. So he decided to read her letters. The ones he never bothered to open.
The letters told him the same thing she did when she appeared at his front door. And for the first time that day, he was horrified at the thought that she might be telling the truth. Logically, he knew the truth would not change Vanya’s current state. And it would not lessen his guilt at causing her misfortune in the first place. But like a masochist, he simply had to know.
That night was the first time he was able to jump from such a long distance. He made it from his apartment to Hargreeves House in just one spatial jump.
Dad wouldn’t be much help. The old man can lie if he thought it could achieve his goals. So Five went to Pogo, who had an obvious tell despite his long service at Reginald Hargreeves’ side.
Five knew Pogo had misgivings about the way he and his siblings were raised. Pogo went out of his way not to tell an outright lie that Five had found out he could suss out the truth if he listened closely enough.
Pogo had long been on the receiving end of Five’s interrogation.
So when the chimpanzee woke up to find Five staring down at him, Pogo eventually directed Five to a room he had never seen before.
Apparently, Dad recorded everything that went on in his house. And Five found the tape of the day Dad visited Vanya’s room, the day he thought Vanya betrayed him. And what it revealed only made his heart sink even further.
“I see that you followed my instructions. Good job, Number Seven. Without you, Number Five would have abandoned the Academy. For now, let him think that his plans are just slightly delayed.”
He remembered Dad’s words to Vanya that day. But Five never bothered to stay long enough to hear what Vanya had to say. And he would have to add that to his ever-lengthening list of things he would forever live to regret.
Because there was Vanya looking both radiant and defiant telling Reginald Hargreeves that she wasn’t going to play Dad’s games. She wanted Five to leave and make his way in the world. Vanya had intended to fully support his decision and had even sent her application to the Berklee College of Music so that she could attend a school close to Five’s.
She wouldn’t be staying at the Academy either. Vanya had expected the old man to talk about tuition and living expenses to which Vanya added that she already filled out applications for scholarships. Vanya was even prepared to delay studies to get a job if none of her applications worked out.
For a few moments, it appeared that she actually left Reginald Hargreeves at a loss for words. To be honest, Five would have been too. Because Vanya had never asserted herself this vehemently. No one, probably not even Vanya herself, expected her to fight.
But of course, the old man wouldn’t leave without a final parting shot.
”Number Five is going through puberty, Number Seven. His sole interest in you can be whittled down to the sexual gratification you can provide him. You will be sorely disappointed if you choose to believe in a fairy tale where you and he live happy forever after. Because, sooner or later, he will tire of you. And you will find yourself left with nothing.
Five cursed himself for making it easy for Reginald Hargreeves to seem to be proven right.
When he got back to his apartment, he came to a decision. It was only fair that Five lose the closest thing he had to an actual child. He destroyed all his research. And in a matter of minutes, his life’s work on time travel was gone.
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Vanya would barely even look at him as he asked her forgiveness. She didn’t protest when he took her home. In fact, nothing he said or did registered anything to her.
But this only applied to him. Because she would quietly answer the doctors and nurses who checked up on her. She would even follow their instructions. It was only when Five tried to talk to her that she would put her walls up.
It didn’t get better as the months passed.
She eventually started talking to him. But while Vanya regained the use of her arm, she couldn’t play her violin as well as she used to from the pain that remained.
If losing the baby didn’t break her, the loss of her music pretty much crushed her soul. For the first few days, Five took care to keep a close eye on her, fearing that she might take drastic measures on her own life.
That ended the night he woke up to find her clenching her walls around his cock as she raised herself up, down and then up again.
“What are you doing, Vanya?” he managed to gasp out.
“I’m. Having. A. Baby,” she said, punctuating each word as she slid down his cock.
Five attempted put a stop to it. After all, it was too soon. Vanya was in a fragile state and wasn’t thinking too clearly.
But apparently, she had thought about nothing else since she left the hospital. Vanya wanted someone to love and for someone to love her. And that was a baby, one that Five would give her as penance for causing the loss of the first one.
Vanya didn’t believe he loved her. But she did know that he felt guilt at what happened to her. And she wasn’t above taking advantage of it to get what she wanted.
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Two miscarriages later, Vanya almost lost her life. And the doctors told Five she might not survive another attempt.
Five tried to reason with Vanya. He even asked her to try other alternatives such as adoption or surrogacy. Five could certainly afford it due to his knack for gambling and investing. But Vanya was having none of it.
She threatened going to another man.
And Five was forced to lace her food with contraceptives. But he knew that it was only a matter of time before she found out.
That was when Five started thinking about time travel again.
He had tried everything to salvage the situation with Vanya. But everything ended up failing. And he realized that he had already passed the point of no return when Vanya fell down the stairs and lost everything that meant anything to her.
To save Vanya, Five had to correct his mistakes. And he could only do that by going back in time and changing it. It was a good thing it was actually something within his grasp, unlike most people.
He still remembered most of his equations. In no time at all, he’d have most of his research back. And then, even with the risk of getting stuck in time, he would jump. And he would change Vanya’s fate.
There was no room for second thoughts this time. He had to do it. He just had to.