Work Text:
Natasha’s had a very long and bad week. Her mission hasn’t gone so well and then medical wouldn’t let her leave even though she’s fine. It just so happens that her throat is a mess because she scratched it in an attempt to claw it out thanks to some awful drugs, and she has a few dozen cuts and twice as many bruises on her body to round out the picture. They’ll heal in a couple of days though, a week at worst. The scratches on her throat will take longer and she’ll be irritated and sore for a while. They bandaged her throat and the deepest cut on her leg and then she’s refused to stay any longer. She hates being in the medbay. She heals a lot quicker than most people and these injuries are essentially nothing.
Instead of going straight for her quarters, she heads to the gym. It’s the middle of the night so it’s empty. She doesn’t stay very long though because her wounds make it obnoxious to work out. Since she couldn’t relieve her stress with running or boxing, Natasha tries another approach in the showers. She just wants to ease some of the tension in her body. There’s no one here at this hour after all and she can’t be bothered to head all the way back to her own quarters for both a shower and an orgasm. She faces the wall and splays one of her hands against it, letting the stream of water hit her front. Her other hand moves between her legs and she lets out a quiet breath at the first touch of her fingers against her clit. She focuses on the feeling and rubs her fingers steadily, building up the pressure until a small moan escapes her. She’s nowhere close yet but she’s getting there. It always takes a little while and right now it’s less about the pleasure and more about the general relief.
“You really shouldn’t be doing that here.”
Natasha’s hand stills and she cranes her neck to look towards the source of the interruption with a quiet sigh. Over the running water and her attention being wholly on herself for once, she hasn’t even heard her approach. She removes her fingers and rests that hand against the wall as well as she hangs her head for a moment. The timing of this is just awful. She really doesn’t need a lecture from Hill right now.
“You gonna write me up?” She asks over the water, her tone neutral.
She hears Maria step closer and turns her head again to face her. She hasn’t even had enough time to get herself off. She’s been decently close too. It’s 2am, she could have at least let her finish. Maria takes in her bandages and the remainder of blood that’s washed off with the water and still pools around her feet. She can’t see the bruises with the awkward lighting in the common showers but she can make out the cuts; some of them anyway.
“You probably shouldn’t get those bandages wet either,” Maria says instead.
“I’ll change them later.”
They stare at each other for a few moments. Natasha is a little annoyed at this point because after the week she’s had, she deserved that orgasm that Hill stopped from happening. The woman is fully dressed too. Natasha is honestly not sure what she’s doing here if she hasn’t come to shower. She isn’t dressed for a workout either which leaves a few possibilities. She doesn’t want to think about that right now. It doesn’t matter why she’s here.
“Why are you even here?” She asks anyway because she can’t help being curious.
“Why are you? You should be resting. And you have a shower of your own in your quarters.”
Natasha shrugs and turns around to let the water hit her back instead. She lets it soak her hair even more and pushes the few strands sticking to her cheeks out of her face. The steady stream of water eases the soreness in her muscles a bit and the change is appreciated. She’s well aware that Hill is still watching her.
“What happened?”
“Oh, you know, just some asshole overdosing the drugs he used to get information out of me. And then trying to kill me when that didn’t work either.”
Maria narrows her eyes and reaches out to grasp her chin, tilting her head this way and that to check out the bandage around her neck. It’s soaked by now and almost transparent. She can’t see through it very well but it looks clearly irritated underneath. She wonders what exactly happened. It should be in the report for the mission debrief so she’ll find out in the morning either way.
Natasha lets her do as she pleases for a few seconds before moving her head away with a sudden jerk. She’s fine.
“Are we done here? I was kinda in the middle of something.”
“Which you should still keep to your own quarters.”
Natasha smirks at her, all previous annoyance gone from her demeanor. She’s past caring at this point. Something flashes in Maria’s eyes and then she has her pressed against the wall and Natasha’s staring up at her, smirk still in place. She let out a grunt at the impact with the tiles. It hit a few bruises and cuts but the look on Maria’s face is promising and Natasha just doesn’t care anymore. This is a good look on her. Still, Natasha is surprised. She’s not expected this from her of all people. They stand still for a few moments, seizing each other up. Natasha is controlling her breathing but the sudden move was hot and she can’t deny that it’s making her react. Maria moves her fingers up along Natasha’s hip and then scrapes her nails over her abs and Natasha’s eyes flutter shut for a brief moment. Her muscles clench under the touch and Maria’s fingers move lower between her legs. Natasha watches her. Maria doesn’t say anything but she watches her reactions. Their faces are close and Natasha’s breathing is already coming faster and harder but neither one of them move to close the distance. This is about neither one of them willing to give more, to give in to whatever is happening between them right now. Natasha can see Maria’s eyes darken even in the poor light and she runs her tongue over her lips to wet them. The shower just doesn’t seem like it’s doing a good enough job right now.
Maria pushes into her with two fingers and Natasha’s breath hitches. She moans softly and rests her head back against the tiles. They really shouldn’t be doing this. It really shouldn’t feel that good either. Maria sets the perfect rhythm right away and somehow finds all the spots that make Natasha tremble.
“Fuck, Hill…” Natasha moans after a few more strokes.
“Maria,” she says back, her voice a little deeper than usual.
Natasha picks up on the unspoken thing even in her current haze. Last names are for work. This is very far removed from work. There has to be a line and Natasha can accept that. Maria moves a little closer to stand in front of her and she’s soaked in moments thanks to the steady stream of water. She curls her fingers inside Natasha and watches her knees buckle with an odd sense of satisfaction. Natasha is getting louder slowly but it’s still relatively quiet and Maria likes that too. She wants to see what other sounds she can get her to make, in what other ways her body will react to her touch. She brushes her thumb over her clit and Natasha whines lowly. Maria keeps her pressed against the wall and largely shielded from the water. Natasha doesn’t touch her, just presses her hands into the wall for leverage.
Maria’s eyes shift to the side when she hears movement from the adjacent locker room and she moves her hand to cover Natasha’s mouth and muffle her moans. Natasha opens her eyes at the touch. She’s heard it too. It may be late but ocassionally agents only manage to hit the gym at odd hours of the night. Natasha squirms when Maria doesn’t stop fucking her and finally Maria smirks at her. She whimpers into her hand and all Maria does in return is pump her fingers into her faster and harder. Natasha can’t remember the last time something’s turned her on this much. Maria taking control like this is terribly hot and it doesn’t help that she’s really good too. They don’t say anything more. Natasha moans and pants softly and Maria keeps hitting all the right spots. She still pays close attention to the noises coming from the locker room but they’re fainter now and they have a little more time before anyone will use the showers.
When Natasha comes, she almost loses her balance. She’s a little loud but Maria’s hand still muffles the sounds and she removes her fingers to help keep her on her feet. Natasha’s shaking a lot from her orgasm and she looks completely surprised. It’s the first time Maria has ever seen that expression on her face. She wonders what’s causing it. Natasha catches her breath slowly, sinking a little against the wall, and watches Maria. She steps away from her, once again schooling her features. She’s soaked and needs to change and Natasha needs to change her bandages and get some sleep. She certainly feels like she can now. She feels strangely elated. Maria watches her for a few more moments and then leaves without another word. Natasha just stares after her, finally catching her breath and bringing her limbs to cooperate. She washes off and goes to get dressed, replaying the last few minutes in her head. She has never been lucky enough to sleep with someone who could actually get her off. Even her self-achieved orgasms usually take longer. That’s an interesting development.
They don’t so much as mention their unexpected encounter the next few times they see each other. It’s business as usual. The debrief about her mostly busted mission goes over quietly and the next mission briefs and paperwork correction go by without so much as a stolen glance. Nothing’s changed between them except Natasha wants a repeat of what’s happened in the showers. It is, after all, the first time anyone’s ever gotten her off and she’d very much enjoy a repeat. Maria is the perfect picture of professionalism and even Natasha is having a hard time reading her like she wants to. She gives it a few more days, until her cuts and bruises are fully healed, and then decides to go ask her about it. She’s fine with never mentioning it again but if there’s even the slightest possibility of getting more of that, she’s interested. She likes the release after a long mission and honestly, it’d just be nice not to have to worry about it herself. She finds her in her office way past everybody else’s regular work hours and knocks on the door before entering. She doesn’t even wait for a response. She closes the door again behind her because this really isn’t a conversation she wants interrupted, and then stops in the middle of the room. Maria looks up, crosses her arms on the table, and raises an eyebrow.
“What can I help you with, Agent Romanoff?”
Natasha smirks because that’s just the perfect opening and she intends to make the most of it. There’s no need to beat around the bush with Maria; bluntness is the best approach.
“An orgasm or two.”
Maria says nothing for a few moments but Natasha makes no move to apologize or take back her words. That’s not her style. If things haven’t gotten awkward after that first time, she doubts they will now. Eventually, Maria gets up and walks over to her and it isn’t the first time that it occurs to Natasha that she is really fucking tall. She glances towards the closed door once and then steps into her personal space. Natasha lifts her head to look up at her and this time it’s less of a flash in Maria’s eyes than just a shadow of something.
“Is that going to be a thing now, Natasha?”
Her lips curl into a small smile and she sees it catch Maria’s eye. The way her name sounds coming from Maria’s lips is more than a little nice. She rolls onto the balls of her feet to gain a little height, putting her face close to Maria’s. She holds her gaze without wavering and Natasha rather likes that. Maria isn’t impressed with her. She supposes that’s at least a little fair considering how easily she’s made her squirm last time. Not to mention that Maria isn’t exactly impressed with anyone, period.
“If I say yes?” Natasha smiles.
Maria leans down so they’re almost touching and grasps her chin in her hand, holding her in place. She looks at her for a minute without saying anything and Natasha waits it out, her skin tingling with sudden anticipation. Maria makes her decision and walks them to the door until Natasha’s back is up against it and she looks at her with curious excitement. The top of the door isn’t completely transparent but it’s enough to make out shapes and colors and it’s not going to be subtle if they stay there. But Maria traps her there and Natasha voices no complaints.
“Same as last time,” she finally says, “First names only. This isn’t work.”
Natasha nods and grins. Of course she’s been hoping for this outcome but actually getting it is much better. Maria moves her hand away to tangle it into her hair, tugging gently. Natasha hums softly. It’s Maria who moves again first, scraping her nails down her neck and then unzipping Natasha’s pants. Natasha reaches for Maria’s shirt but she’s stopped before she can even touch skin.
“Your orgasms, not mine.”
Natasha just shrugs. She can live with that, though it seems a shame not to at least be able to look at her. The thought vanishes from her mind when Maria moves her panties aside to tease her fingers against her. Natasha pushes her pants down more to make it easier for Maria and the brunette makes a small noise of approval. She runs her finger over the increasing wetness between her legs and watches Natasha’s muscles twitch in an attempt to keep still. Natasha arches her back when Maria enters her and she growls quietly when she just continues to tease, pulling back out to run her wet finger over her clit instead. Maria grins at the sounds. Natasha’s come to her, she thinks it’s fair that she gets to do what she wants.
“Maria.”
She moves her other hand under her shirt and presses her fingers into her skin as she moves up to cup her breast. She also uses the touch to keep Natasha where she is. She’s surprisingly docile, all considering. Maria can’t say she’s expected that but she really doesn’t mind. She keeps flicking her finger over her clit and the next time Natasha groans, she pushes back into her with two fingers. Natasha bites her lip and rolls her hips against her. Maria’s strokes are slow and steady and she knows it’s not enough. Natasha hits her head back against the door at a particularly dragged out stroke and Maria watches with interest.
“Careful, Natasha,” she purrs, “Some people still work here.”
Natasha twitches and half glares at her. She knows she needs time to come but Maria is deliberately slow even for someone who doesn’t need as long as her. She’s awful on purpose and, honestly, Natasha would do the same.
“Then stop dragging it out so much and just fuck me.”
Maria squeezes her breast and smirks for a few moments. She pushes into her harder with the next stroke and Natasha moans louder than she means to. Maria doesn’t even glance past her at the door. She keeps up the pace and Natasha wishes she could wrap her legs around her. Her pants are still only partly pulled down which leaves her very little room to move her legs. She rocks into Maria’s hand anyway. Her legs are trembling and her breath is coming faster; she’s close. When Maria notices, she moves her hand so she can press her thumb over her clit and that’s all it takes to push Natasha over the edge. She shakes and half whimpers through her bitten lip. Maria strokes her through the orgasm, slowing down until eventually pulling out. She runs her other hand back down her body too, then pulls away. Natasha works on once again catching her breath. She’s really not used to being brought to orgasm by anyone but herself.
Maria takes a step back and notes the same stunned expression as last time. She can’t place it and so she says nothing but one day she’ll ask about it. She’s about to go wipe her fingers clean when Natasha grabs her wrist and tugs it up towards her lips. She pokes her tongue out and licks a stripe up her fingers before taking them into her mouth and sucking them clean. Maria holds her gaze the whole time and she has to admit the sight is really damn hot. She’s honestly quite turned on herself at this point. Natasha releases her fingers with a pop and smirks at her. She pulls up her pants, zips them, and pushes herself off the door. Maria dries her fingers on her pants.
“Thanks for giving me a hand,” Natasha ends up saying and Maria rolls her eyes.
“Try not to make a habit out of it.”
She does make a habit out of it. She comes to Maria whenever she can get away with it; after a long mission, after a bad day, whenever one of the men look at her wrong. Maria never lets her return the favor but they’re usually in her office with barely enough time. They’ve even done it in the bathroom once, during a break in a meeting. She never says no. Every time Natasha shows up and says her name, Maria takes care of her.
She hopes tonight won’t be any different. It is, in so far that it’s past 3am and she’s showing up at her quarters in hopes she’s miraculously still awake. Her knock is quiet, just in case she isn’t, but the door opens a few seconds later. Maria looks a little sleepy but she’s clearly still been awake. Natasha is glad she hasn’t woken her up.
“Sorry,” she says because it’s late and she shouldn’t be here.
She’s never come to her quarters before. She’s tired and admittedly upset from yet another nightmare she can’t shake. Maria takes her in, notes the bags under her eyes and her tense shoulders, and she sighs before taking a step to the side to let her in. Natasha walks in and Maria closes the door behind her.
“Bad night?” She guesses.
“Yeah. I can’t go back to sleep so it was you or the gym and I think you’re the less destructive option.”
Maria knows it’s bad and part of her is relieved she chose to try her luck here over exhausting herself in the gym. She knows how Natasha can get. She knows how she can get herself after a bad night after all. They’re not so different in some aspects.
She nods, letting Natasha know she’s fine with her being here. Natasha relaxes ever so slightly and cracks a grin. She doesn’t let people see her like this. She steps closer and then pauses. She’s come here for a distraction but it’s been weeks and she’s barely been able to even touch Maria yet.
“Maria.”
That inflection of her name is new and Maria raises a tired eyebrow in question. Natasha wants something different.
“Let me fuck you,” she says, and she’s not pleading but she genuinely wants.
That’s a line they haven’t crossed yet. Natasha hasn’t even been fully naked since that first time in the showers. Maria hasn’t let her touch her, nor undress her in the slightest. Maria considers the request. She could say no and just get her off like always but she doesn’t so much agree to the sex to get what she wants than she does to give Natasha what she wants.
“This isn’t becoming a regular thing.”
Natasha nods and Maria heaves a sigh. She shouldn’t. She never should have. But this thing they have is working just fine and they’re both professionals. It’s never gotten in the way of work before. In the end, it really doesn’t make much of a difference whether it’s Maria fucking Natasha or the other way around.
Natasha closes the distance between them but she stops short of actually touching her. Maria watches her and then steps out of her pants unceremoniously. It doesn’t have to be. Natasha does reach out to touch her this time, running her fingers along her thighs and under her shirt to feel her muscles. Maria isn’t going to stay standing though and she pulls Natasha’s hand away to walk to her bed. Natasha follows. She pushes her down on the bed and Maria sprawls out in the middle of it. Natasha hooks her fingers into the waistband of Maria’s boy shorts and tugs them down her legs. She makes her spread her legs and settles between them and Maria never takes her eyes off her. She’s a little surprised when Natasha leans down and lifts her legs over her shoulders. She moans softly at the first touch of her tongue on her and loosely grabs the sheets between her fingers. Natasha’s hands roam up and push Maria’s shirt up to reveal her abs. She manages a glance and scrapes her nails over them. Natasha doesn’t want to pull away to get a better look when she’s already busy pressing her tongue inside of her. She licks into her and Maria’s back arches off the bed slightly. It’s a slow build from there; Natasha runs her tongue over her and finds the spots that make her breath hitch and her legs tremble. She hums against her and Maria caves and winds her fingers into Natasha’s red locks. She tugs whenever Natasha goes over a particularly good spot and Natasha is quick to take note of all of them. She likes the way Maria’s body reacts to the attention and she hopes she’ll get to do this again some time. The sounds she drags out of the brunette are nice too. She sucks on her clit and Maria squirms, hard. She moans her name when she drags her tongue over her again. Natasha is determined to bring her over the edge with just her mouth and Maria can appreciate that because she’s pretty damn good with it. Her breaths are coming in short pants and she tightens her hold on Natasha’s hair every so often. Natasha smirks against her and pushes her tongue back inside her.
“Shit, Natasha.”
A whine follows the curse and Natasha continues eating her out until she’s shaking. She presses her tongue down hard on her clit and watches Maria tumble over the edge. Her orgasm hits her hard and she’s a little louder than she’d like but it’s been a while and Natasha has been quick to figure out what she likes. Maria lets go of her and lets her legs drop from her shoulders. Natasha wipes her mouth and chin with the back of her hand and sits up, finally taking in the sight before her. Maria looks gorgeous like this, she decides, with her hair messy and sticking to her face, and her body trembling from the aftershocks of her orgasm.
“Better?”
Natasha doesn’t move for a couple of seconds but then nods. It is better. She feels better, even if she isn’t the one who’s gotten off. Her nightmare lingers in the back of her mind but right now the majority of it is focused on the moment; on Maria panting and looking blissful, and the fact that she’s let her do this.
“Better.”
Maria nods too and gives her a small smile. She feels more relaxed herself. She hadn’t realized how much she’s really needed this. She props herself up on her elbows and moves a hand to run it through her hair. Her shirt is still pushed up but she sees no need to do anything about it right now.
“I should probably get going again.”
“Try not to exhaust yourself too much if you’re headed for the gym.”
Natasha throws a grin her way and gets off the bed, stretching. She probably won’t. She’s not even sure what she’s going to do yet. The gym is still an option and now that she feels a little better, she doesn’t think she’d run herself into the ground. She knows she can forget about getting any more sleep still.
She walks over to where Maria’s pants lie on the ground and throws them her way before leaving. Maria catches them and watches her go, not entirely sure how to feel about what has happened.
Two more months pass before Natasha starts coming to her less frequently. There’s more work and missions but even then she doesn’t show up as often anymore. Maria tries not to think about it too much. They’re both busy and it’s not like they set up times to meet. Natasha comes whenever she feels like it and Maria makes time for her. She’s let her return the favor a handful of times after that first night but it’s still always about Natasha. Maria has no complaints about it.
It’s the first week without a single visit since they started so Maria is a little surprised when the door to her office opens and Natasha stops two feet in.
“I think we should stop.”
Maria looks at her, curious, but she doesn’t argue and doesn’t ask questions. She shrugs once, notes the flicker of disappointment in Natasha’s eyes, and agrees.
“Okay.”
Natasha doesn’t linger past that and leaves again. Of course Maria is curious. After all, it was Natasha who’s come to her and who’s kept coming back for more. She doesn’t think there’s anybody else and aside from a suddenly guilty conscience, she can’t think of a reason she’d want to stop. She wonders briefly if there’s a chance Fury may have found out but he’d have already talked to her about it. In any case, that’s Natasha’s business, not Maria’s, and the redhead has every right to back out of this.
They only meet for mission briefs and debriefs from there on. It isn’t awkward between them and they can still work together, same as before. Natasha takes her orders and Maria rolls her eyes at her sass. Nothing has changed.
Maria likes to think she’s better than letting her thoughts run wild and getting hung up on emotions. She’s the practical mind, the type who doesn’t make decision based on her feelings. That’s why it’s so irritating that she can’t stop wondering about the reason Natasha’s put a stop to the sex. It’s been just that, nothing more, and it shouldn’t occupy her brain so much. She can turn it off and focus on work, and she can tell herself she thinks about her going down on her when she touches herself because Natasha’s damn good at it, but it always lingers. It’s always there and she doesn’t like it. She welcomes it when Fury asks her on a mission that takes her away from S.H.I.E.L.D. for a while. It means she can clear her head more easily.
She’s gone for a whole month. Natasha does ask about it but Fury doesn’t tell her much. She gets the bare minimum out of him and she knows better than to push for answers that will only raise suspicion about her sudden interest. Hill isn’t gone on missions for this long usually. She isn’t worried, exactly, because she knows she can take care of herself, but she feels a little anxious anyway. Natasha keeps herself busy while Maria is gone. She hits the gym, spars with Clint. She has several short and simple missions during that month of Hill’s absence. She gets herself off with Maria in mind and sighs afterwards. She shouldn’t be doing that. She rubs her eyes and sits up, staring at the far wall. This isn’t the first time it’s happened.
She’s hoped that putting a stop to them would help but it hasn’t. It hasn’t changed anything. Natasha still can’t stop thinking about her. Somewhere along the way, she’s fallen head over heels in love with her, and Natasha isn’t made for love. She doesn’t know how to deal with it, what to do. And she doesn’t think Maria feels more than a physical attraction at best. She’s fine with that, honestly. She can ignore her feelings and continue working with her just like she’s done so far. It’s just much safer to not sleep together. She misses it though. Saying Maria is good feels like the biggest understatement of the century.
“Shit,” Natasha mumbles to herself.
They’re over, and she needs it to be that way. She can’t fall for her any more.
She’s torn out of her thoughts by a knock on her door. Nobody ever knocks. Clint just comes in and Fury asks her to his office if he needs to talk. She gets up and answers the door. She’s not expecting Maria. She hasn’t heard any news about her getting back. She looks rough. Her lip is split and there’s still some dirt on her face from whatever fight she’s been in. She leans against the door frame and looks at her. Natasha says nothing. She waits for Maria to come in. She does step inside and Natasha closes the door behind her, then turns to face her with a frown.
“Why did we stop?” Maria asks.
Natasha pauses. It’s not sadness she sees on Maria’s face but it’s damn close and it makes her ache. But Maria is here and she’s okay and she’s asking, and Natasha can’t not be honest.
“Because there were never supposed to be feelings involved.”
Maria stares at her, her expression shifting, and then she’s moving and Natasha barely has time to blink. Her lips collide with Natasha’s and she kisses her hard. She walks her back against the door because it’s the closest surface, and lifts her hands to her neck and jaw. Natasha kisses her back as soon as her intitial surprise wears off and she pulls her closer against her. It’s the first time they kiss and it’s strangely perfect. There’s teeth and tongue and Natasha isn’t sure who the moan belongs to. It doesn’t help her whatsoever but she doesn’t want to stop kissing her. Maria’s hand tangles in her hair when she breaks the kiss to breathe, and she moves the other one underneath her shirt to press against her abs. Natasha is breathless already. Maria leans down and brushes her lips against her ear.
“I never wanted to stop, Natasha.”
“Maria…”
She slips her hand past the waistband of her sweatpants and beneath the fabric of her panties, holding her in place with the other in her hair. Natasha exhales shakily. Her own touch isn’t the same as Maria’s and she really likes Maria’s touch.
“I want to keep doing this, and I want to be the only one,” Maria says into her ear.
She waits. Natasha’s stopped this after all, there’s a good chance she doesn’t want more. Natasha rolls her hips into her though and it’s all Maria needs. She pushes into her, drags the heel of her hand against her clit, and Natasha trembles. It’s been weeks and her own orgasms no longer compare. She wants Maria.
“It’s not about just the sex anymore, Natasha.”
“Masha,” she moans softly.
That’s new and Maria pulls back to look at her. She keeps moving her fingers inside her and eases the grip on her hair. Natasha looks small. She says nothing more and Maria isn’t ready to have a conversation now, in the current circumstances. They need to be in a clearer state of mind for the talk they need to have. Right now though, she does just want to fuck her, watch her shake and come from her touch. Natasha pulls her into another kiss. She wants more of those. It’s not any softer than the first one. If anything, there’s more biting involved. Maria winces from the pain of her split lip but neither one of them breaks the kiss or slows it down. They need this.
Natasha barely even lasts five minutes. She comes apart and Maria holds her and keeps her steady. She slows her strokes, eases her through the aftershocks and then pulls out of her. Natasha pants into her shoulder and closes her eyes. Her brain is slowly catching up with what’s just happened and everything that Maria has said. Her legs have a hard time keeping her steady and she’s grateful for Maria’s support.
“Maria…”
“I know. We need to talk, but not now. I’m really fucking exhausted and we need to be in our proper minds to discuss this.”
Natasha nods against her. She’s right. She pushes herself away to lean back against the door and look at her.
“Have you even gone to the medbay yet?”
“It’s just a split lip. I’m alright.”
Natasha is too tired for this. She’s tired from trying to ignore her feelings, tired of pretending and holding back and she’s physically tired too. She’s still in a post-orgasm haze and she doesn’t stop herself when she opens her mouth to say what’s on her mind.
“I missed you.”
Maria lets out a soft breath. She’s only just realized how much she cares about the small redhead when Natasha’s confessed to having feelings for her. It makes sense of a lot of things for her but it’s still just sinking in and she’s in no state to consider it any more than that. Not tonight. She needs to sleep.
“You too,” she says and she knows she means it.
Natasha steps past her once she’s steady again and grasps her wrist to gently tug her along to her bed. She sits Maria down on it and goes to the bathroom. When she comes back, it’s with a small first aid kit and a wet towel. She takes the towel and tips Maria’s chin up so she can dab and wash away the dirt. Maria lets her without a word. It’s a quiet moment between them and it’s nice and comforting. Natasha takes care of her split lip next. Maria does wince a few times but she keeps still and lets Natasha work. When she’s done she thanks her and Natasha just gives her a small smile in return. She puts the supplies back and then retrieves a shirt that’s quite clearly way too long for her. Maria blinks sleepily. She’s too exhausted to think straight.
“Not to overstep any boundaries but… wanna stay the night?”
She’s also, as it turns out, too tired to argue. She shouldn’t stay but she shouldn’t have come here in the first place. She nods once and Natasha hands her the shirt. Maria changes into it and she’s already almost asleep by the time she’s done. Natasha doesn’t push for anything. She makes her lie down and then joins her, keeping some distance between them. Maria is out first and Natasha spends a few more minutes watching her. This feels like a dream. Maybe she’s still hallucinating from those drugs all those months ago. That’s when this whole thing between them started after all. Maybe none of it was real. Maria feels pretty damn real though and so do her feelings. She falls asleep anxious but still more relaxed than she’s been all month.
Maria is awake first. She makes no move to get up or leave. She rolls onto her side to look at Natasha and finally allows herself to think. She has no idea when she’s started caring about her the way she is. It wasn’t when they started and she can’t think of a single moment that provides a clear answer. Slowly then, she thinks. She wonders when Natasha realized. She sighs and stills when Natasha stirrs next to her. Her eyes flutter open and she looks absolutely adorable like this, still mostly asleep and ruffled from the night. She blinks, once, twice, just to make sure she isn’t imagining Maria still here with her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
A few beats pass and then Natasha chuckles and stretches before she sits up in bed. She still feels anxious.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine,” Maria says, sitting up as well.
“I wasn’t sure you’d still be here.”
“We need to talk.”
Natasha nods slowly. They do. They should have talked weeks ago. It’s Natasha who starts and she puts a lot more bravado and confidence into her words than she really feels. This is new to her. She’s afraid.
“I’m not really sure what I want, exactly, but I want to be with you in whatever way you’ll have me.”
Maria listens and she doesn’t say anything for a while because now it’s up to her and she has no idea what she wants either. She wants Natasha all to herself. The realization hits her like a slap in the face. She meant what she said the previous night but this is different. This is more. She doesn’t even know if either one of them is ready for more.
“I want… more than this,” Maria says slowly.
If Natasha can be honest and clueless, then so can she. They can figure it out together.
“Where does that leave us?”
That’s the question. Maria doesn’t have an answer. She looks at her in hopes of finding one but it’s all confusing still. She just wants to kiss her again.
“I don’t know… I don’t even know what we were before.”
Natasha nods absently. She doesn’t know either. It doesn’t matter, not really, none of any of this needs a label. She gets up with a sigh and runs her fingers through her messy curls. Are feelings supposed to be this complicated? She doesn’t know. There’s too many things she doesn’t know and she doesn’t like it. She can’t even pretend. Maria gets out of bed as well and steps around it. She hesitates - this is all still too new and questionable - and then wraps her arms around Natasha’s middle to hug her to her chest. Some of the sudden tension eases out of Natasha’s body and she rests her head against her shoulder. It’s stupid, all of this, but mostly their inability to figure this out, and Natasha huffs a breath against her. She closes her eyes and focuses on the steady heartbeat she feels against her skin. She doesn’t filter her next words either and she thinks it’s another make or break point but she wants them out there anyway. They have an honest moment and even if she doesn’t know anything else right now, she knows this.
“I love you.”
Maria tightens her hold on her and presses a kiss to the top of her head. The moment is too gentle, too vulnerable, but they need this too. Her own feelings aren’t quite that strong yet so she doesn’t say it back but she’s getting there and she never wants to let go of her again. And that she does tell her. Natasha nods against her once. It’s good enough. It’s not a rejection. It’s not either one of them bolting. They can go from here and that’s more than Natasha’s ever expected.