Work Text:
Could it be wrong, when she’s so nice to look at?
We met on a subway. Not the most romantic place in the world, but his warm brown eyes distracted me from the stench of the old guy sitting next to me. He was beautiful. Dark milk chocolate eyes and gorgeous brown hair. He was a beautiful gem in this horrible city of Seoul. He was talking to the man next to him with a wide smile on her face and glimmer in his eyes. The guys besides him was taller than him and had black hair and wore a proud smile.
He glanced over at me. Me. Me with such a broken heart and boring personality. Me. He smiled at me and of course I smiled back and that’s how everything began the shortest bliss of my life.
We talked for centuries in the span of thirty seconds. I mean really we just stared at each other. But he seemed to be able to see right through me. He was able to take down the walls I built up for years in thirty fucking seconds...
His brows furrowed and my lips curved. He smiled at me. And for once I didn’t cover behind my pent up emotions. For once, I smiled back at him. His grin widened and now I was dying to hear his voice. To match the perfect sight with the perfect voice. But instead i heard the worst voice instead...
“Last stop.” The automated and tired voice proclaimed.
Shit.
His eyes widened in time to my inner monologue.
Shit.
He began to stand up.
Shit.
Glancing at his friend he started walk-
Shit.
Towards me.
Fuck.
I took out my phone and paused my music and took both my earbuds off from my ears.
“Hi.” There was the smile. The smile that made me feel warm and comfortable all inside me. I pushed back my bangs from my hair that disturbed me from seeing him and responded to him. “Hi.”
“I’m Jimin, Park Jimin.” Jimin. So, unique and so him. I barely knew him but is showed that he was such individual person.
“Yoongi, Min Yoongi.” Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as his smile grew bright.
“Nice to meet you, Yoongi. I’m only in Seoul for a bit, but would you like to hang out sometime?”
The way he talked was soothing and beautiful it was cute.
I nodded enthusiastically. “I’d love to.”
Fuck!
Could it be wrong, when she’s just so nice to look at?
I walked all the way home with a massive grin. The grin that hurts your cheeks, but I didn’t care.
We met for coffee. Well, I had coffee. He had hot chocolate. We were staring at each other again. My eyes moved softly across his facial features. God, he was so beautiful. He was beautiful like the first firework on the fourth of July. His eyes shined like the beautiful stars.
“So, what do you do?” He coughs breaking our silent exchange. I roll my eyes, but my lips stay curved.
“Small talk? Really?” I questioned. “I’m genuinely quite curios.” He shrugs. “I’m a producer. I produce music nothing to exciting, but i love it and sometimes I do poetry when I feel poetic.” His smiles widens brightly once again. “You?” I inquired.
“I’m a dancer specifically contemporary dancer. I’m from Busan. I’m here in Seoul because i was in a competition and won 2nd place and decided to stay here for some weeks because it’s always been a dream of mine to be in Seoul and sometimes I sing when I feel like it.”
My jaw drops. He was beautiful and so talented. “Wow, that’s amazing and congrats on winning 2nd place!”
He giggles softly and thanks me. He then leans closer to now. I can smell the faintest scent of lavender and I lean closer to him too.
A small faint blush appears on his face.
“We should show each other’s work sometime.” I suggest.
He nods in agreement.
I then decided to show him around Seoul. Since ive been living here for the past 3 years. I watched him as he gazed around the streets of Seoul. His eyes widen like a child in a Toy Store and his mouth was slightly open in a small ‘o’ shape. I giggled at how he looked.
“This is gorgeous as how I saw it in the internet it’s so much better in real life.” He said happily.
I hummed in agreement. My eyes still not leaving his beautiful face. Soaking in every detail of his child-like wonder.
He turns to me. Soft chubby cheeks that looked like mochi and his soft plumped pinky lips. He’s beautiful. I pushed his bangs out of his face. My finger gliding over his soft skin. He smiles. I smile.
He looks like the most beautiful star out there.
She smells like lemongrass and sleep.
We lay in my warm sheets with hot mugs in our hands. The 1975 playing softly on my record player. His hands are playing with my mine softer. He smiles at me.
“It’s your turn.”
We’re goin back and forth. His singing and i’m reading my poems. I read my poems faster than I usually do just to hear his soothing voice. I pick up my worn out notebook laying next to me and begin reading.
“He’s beautiful.
Not because of his soft gorgeous features.
He’s beautiful because of the way he talks when he’s excited.
He’s beautiful because of the way he smiles at me like i’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
He’s beautiful just the way he is.”
A soft smile makes its way to his face. “You’re such a softie, Yoongi.” He says soft giggling and eyes twinkling. “I’m not a softie.” As I softly pout. “Anyways that’s enough poetry for now.” I say closing my notebook and putting it in my nightstand besides me. I lay back and take a deep breath. “Sing me another song?” I requested, turning my body to see him better.
His lips curved in a sweet smile. “Okay.”
He gets up and gets CD from his bag and puts in the record player. The record player starts playing a song I have never heard but it’s soothing and calm. He gets back in my bed and I put my head in his lap. “This song is from an artist I love.” I hummed in response and close my eyes and he starts singing.
“Am I allowed to look at him like that?”
I heard his voice and the song but I listened closely. The artist was a female and she was singing about a girl but, Jimin changed the pronouns from she to he. I didn’t mind. His voice sounds like honey. It sounds like summer on the beach and melting ice cream. His voice feels like warmth. It feels like a thick wool blanket. It tastes like peach iced tea. His voice looks like a sunset. The different parts blending together into one beautiful piece of art.
“And he means everything to me.”
He finishes. I open my eyes. He’s looking down at me with a small smile on his plump soft pink lips.
“You’re beautiful.” I said because he is. His smile widens and a bright shade pink appears in his soft cheeks. “So are you.” I feel my cheeks become warm as he gets up and gets the CD and puts it back in his bag. He comes back and lays next to me and his breath tickling my neck. He intertwined our hands together and rest his head on my shoulder. I press my lips agains his forehead.
He feels like home.
She tastes like apple juice and peach.
We called it a date this time. Hands intertwined and eyes locked on each other. I want to be able to call him mine. I want to be his. I want to kiss him. I want to feel his soft plumped lips on mine. With no one around to see, I consider it. I consider pressing my lips to his.
We’re in a garden more specifically it was a giant greenhouse. It felt appropriate to look at the flowers blooming in May.
He’s smiling at me. Rosy chubby cheeks and eyes twinkling brighter than the stars. I want to kiss him. I want to be able to memorize his taste. I lick my lips. His gaze shifts down from my eyes. Mine shifts too. He leans in slowly. I watch as his eyes flutter close. I cup his soft cheeks and bring our faces closer. His lips are more plump than I expected. He tastes like sweet peaches. He feels like heat. He feels like the first day of summer break. He feels like a relief. Relief from the stress of life. His lips were a safe heaven from the world. We break apart and I breathe out a sigh of satisfaction. He smiles at me and I kiss him again. I think i’d spend my dying breath connecting out lips.
I feel the warmth of his tongue lick at my lips and I open my mouth. He tastes like bubblegum now. A soft moan makes its way of his mouth and if his hands weren't holding me by my waist, my knees would buckle down. We break apart, panting and blushing like crazy. His hands are still in my waist. I think I want to live in this moment forever. Just him and me and flowers blooming in May.
You would find her in a Polaroid picture.
He’s leaving next week.
I don't know what we were thinking starting something that was going to end so soon. He’s in my arms right now. Eyes fluttering behind the closed lids. Soft groans of discomfort escape his mouth and his grip on me tightens just a little bit.
“Jimin?” I whisper softly, rubbing his hand attempting to wake her up from the nightmare. He groans again.
“Jimin?” I try again, voice a little louder.
“Hm?.” He mutters. “You okay, love?” I asked softly.
He nods, pushing his head further into my neck and pressing a kiss on the skin.
I turn my head to see him better. He’s beautiful. My hand goes thru his hair, pushing it out of the way to press a kiss against the skin I find. A soft smile makes its way to his lips.
"Go to sleep, Yoongi." He groans more than says. I wind a hand around his back and press his closer to me. "I'm going to miss you." I say what's been on my mind while he slept. He sighs and I feel his hot breath against my neck. An uncontrollable shiver passes through me. "Can we just enjoy being with each other while we can?" He asks. He sounds tired like we've already talked about this a million times. We haven't. I nod breathing in the scent of lavender and sleep
I try to sleep, but my red eyes stare at the ceiling of his hotel room. Memorizing the shape of the two cracks there. I trace indistinguishable shapes along the exposed sliver of his skin. I memorize the feeling of the soft warm skin. He feels like summer. He feels like lazy days in the sun. I can practically taste the melted ice cream on my tongue just being with his. I didn't want my bliss of summer in May to leave, but summer had to leave and warm Busan. We only have a week. So, I try to sleep
And she means everything to me.
I’ve started taking his advice.
I cherish every moment spent tracing the veins on his arms because I don't know when I'll be able to do it again. We spend a lot of time laying in bed and dreaming. The smell of a vanilla candle burning and the remnants of hot chocolate on my tongue put me at ease. My fingers play with the ringlets in his hair as he hums against my chest. He sings softly as I recognize the tune. It was a Troye Sivan song.
"Tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease. Your touch, my comfort and my lullaby, singing at night." I joined in and soon we're giggling and then we're kissing. The cavern of his mouth is warm and tastes like whip cream. My smile breaks apart our lips and he kisses my cheek. My chest feels like a crackling fire. Being near him just makes me feel warm inside like hjs touch is an eternal summer.
He makes me feel safe. We create our own world in between these sheets. One that only consists of him and me. One safe from the world outside my closed curtains. He’s warm and the outside is cold. I have to go to work, but I stay in our world just a little bit longer.
My alarm blares a startled noise and she groans digging her head into the crevice between my neck and head. I hit the snooze button again. "You should probably go. You're already an hour late." He mumbles against my skin. "Probably." I agree, wrapping my arms around him. He turns to me with a soft smile on her face.
"Yoongi." He scolds. "Jimin." I smile.
He shakes his head, his lips still curved. "I don't want you to get yelled at." He says. "I don't want to leave." I say. His eyes flicker over my whole face before he let's out a small sigh and settles back down. "At least call in sick or something." He mumbles. I nod my head and reach for my phone. I inform my best friend Hoseok that I've come down with the flu and overslept because of it. He tells me to get some rest and feel better. I hang up the phone and set it down next to me. I can feel the tips of his fingers making patterns on my skin. He swirls his finger along my hipbone; making triangles and circles. My hip feels an overwhelming amount of warmth. His sweet voice fills my right ear as he continues humming. I take in a deep breath, relishing this moment. This moment where the world was only her voice and touch surrounding me. Nothing to stop it. Not work or school or competitions.
Nothing.
I’d never tell
I go to one of his concerts he wanted to go see this artist called ‘Dodie’. We drag ourselves out of bed and out the door. As we got closer I watch how his face light up at the crowd he sees outside the venue.
How did I get so lucky...
He starts gushing about how happy he is to go see his favorite artist as he holds my hand. I can't help, but think how grateful I am to have found him. We park outside the back door and his grip on my hand tightens. I squeeze his hand back. “Let’s go and enjoy this concert happily.” I say to relax him. He nods and we enter the venue. We waited together and the artist came out everybody started screaming and cheering so did Jimin.
The artist laughs and shouts back that she loves them too. I smile as she starts to sing. This was a song i hadn’t heard in my life but i’m assuming it was called Sick of loosing Soulmates. Jimin was screaming the lyrics so powerfully. The song was beautiful and so relatable. I felt my eyes tearing up at the sheer emotion in the song. I looked at Jimin and he was tearing up too and we hugged. She finished the song and moved onto another song. When the song started playing I immediately recognized the tune and it was the song that Jimin had sang to me so beautifully. It was ‘She.’
The second time Jimin singed this song to me. I cried and he cried too. We talked about our childhood and growing up for hours. It was five o’clock in the morning when he passed out in my arms. The thought of him leaving me soon crosses thru my mind.
God, i’m going to miss him.
No, i’d never say a word.
My arms wrap around his waist with a firm grip. I try to engrain this moment into my head. His head on my shoulder and gentle fingers curled around me. We break apart and share the same breath. Our noses are touching and we're both grinning like idiots. "Thank you so much for tonight literally thank you Yoongi this was the best concert ever and I-I really like you." He breathes. "I really really like you." I say. He giggles and my smile manages to widen. My cheeks hurt and my breath is caught in my throat as he inches impossibly closer. She tongue glides through my mouth easily causing a small moan to escape from me, but he swallows it. His smile breaks apart our kiss and we giggle like school children.
"Dinner?"
"Starving.
And oh it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt.
"I'm leaving tomorrow." He whispers into my ear. The unexpected words cause me to jolt. It had been a calm moment filled with lazy kisses and cuddles. Now that moment was ruined. I turn in his arms and brush a strand of hair behind his ear. "What are we going to do?" I whisper back. His eyebrows furrow and I elaborate. "When you go back to Busan- what even are we? Am I your boyfriend?" I question. His eyes widen and whirlpool of emotions seem to hit him. He opens her mouth and closes it several times before saying,
"I guess.”
I guess? His words echo in my head. Worry filled me every core at the seemingly insincere words. A hesitant smile formed on his lips as he soothed a hand over my tensed shoulder.
I snapped out of my panic when he pressed a kiss against my cheek. "How romantic." I mange to tease. A breathy chuckle escapes from him as he shoves my shoulder playfully. "Shut up." I grin back at him; my fear subsiding for now. I'm able to relax in his arms, safe from the world and all it's problems.
Right now it's just us and nothing could break that moment. At least I thought so, but my heart starts beating faster and my mind starts racing because I guess is chanting in my head and being carved into my skin. The skin he’s lazily stroking with his fingertips is burning with the words. I guess. Is this one sided? I guess. Is he going to move on once he’s back in Busan. I guess. Does he really want to be in a relationship? Does he really want me? His words were a seed and now these questions grow and multiply like a disease as I'm left to ask myself,
does he even care?
And i’ll be okay admiring from afar
It's our last day together. Like his words before of, I guess, this thought haunts me. It's like a dark cloud looming over our heads. The unspoken word of tomorrow. Neither of us dares to say it because of the fear that once that the word leaves past our lips, it'll be a reality. That tomorrow doesn't exist if we don't speak of it. Perhaps, that was the problem. Our refusal to admit something's existence. Like the refusal to admit the sudden cold that came in the days after his words, I guess
It seemed like his grip on my hand was looser, his smile less carefree, but my thoughts clouding my head with unspoken truths did not allow me to see this. His smile was still blinding even if it didn't reach his eyes and he still held my hand even if he didn't circle his thumb across my palm. We were still together even if it didn't feel like we were. Everything was fine and like he said, I really shouldn't dwell on the future. He was right. I shouldn't think of the way he wasn't going to say goodbye before he boarded the airplane. How I wouldn't get a 'landed safe' text or that I wouldn't get any interaction from him until three days later when he’d like my comment on his Instagram. I shouldn't even dwell on how far apart we were walking despite the chill in the air that would usually have us arm to arm. Just focus on now without thinking too hard on now. That's all I had to do. It was simple. Easy even
I would even believe that after one too many shots and the fuzzy feeling of drunkness clouding my head. It'd make the smiles we'd forced at each other a little softer and his grip on my hand feel tighter. It'd stop the trembling of my lips when he kissed me. His features were less sharp and pointed as the alcohol blended them into soft lines and chocolate eyes instead of just dark coals. And if I squinted. If I chanted in a whisper beneath my breath like Peter Pan for Tinker Bell, an essence of lightness would overtake me and I'd feel like the careless way he’d held my hand was the only thing keeping my feet on the ground because the way that he smiled at me made me feel like maybe I wasn't alone in this. It made me feel like I guess was a slip of the tongue and that it truly didn't mean anything and I really shouldn't dwell on things because his peach chapstick tastes divine and I may not wake up with him, but at least we'll fall asleep under the same stars for
one more night
Cause even when she’s next to me, we could not be more apart
I have never understood the term heartbreak more in my life. The pain in my chest gets worse with each breath I take without him. The space between my fingers he used to occupy feels empty now. The lack of his presence something I'm always aware of. I feel it in the cold space beside me in bed, the way his breath doesn't tickle my neck, the absence of him humming while I wash the dishes. I can feel his absence like a force of energy around me crushing me slowly until I fall to my knees and beg it to finish the job that I'd rather not be here at all than suffer his memory haunting me forever. It seemed like forever. It's been a month, but it feels like forever. It seems like the days where he’d smile at me with that gleam in his eyes was another lifetime ago because he left and in his absence, he left me alone without a home. Nothing felt right without him. It was like he had stained everything he touched with his memory. My sheets smelled like him and if I shut my eyes tight enough some night I could pretend that he was there. I could feel his fingers combing through my hair, feel the rise and fall of his chest underneath my head, I could feel the ghost of him wrapped around my frame, but then I'd open my eyes and he’d be gone. Every day without him, my heart felt like another crack was added. Soon it would break into pieces. I can feel the missing parts he took with himself in the ache in my chest. The ones he continues to steal. A smile through a Skype call or a good night text. The sound of his laugh taking me back, he always leaves with a piece of me, but never offers anything of his to replace it with
Cause she tastes like birthday cake and story time and fall
We tried to make it work. We tried facetiming and texting, but all that led to was awkward silences and unanswered messages. Our contact became shorter and farther apart as the days went on and I miss you was a phrase heard less and less. I feel like I've poured my heart out at this point with the quiet confessions I leave on his voice mail. The silence he gives me in return makes the wound in my heart grow deeper and I keep pouring out these admissions hoping to get something, anything in return, but my phone remains empty and my heart unsatisfied. Four red letters glare back at me when I text him. The emptiness in my chest is all I can think about. So, I keep giving and giving. I gamble away my heart hoping to win big. To win him. But my attempts are futile because I'm always left broken with nothing in return. I just want him to smile at me again, to look me in the eye and say something he means. Even if it hurts because, at this point, I'll take anything. I'll take his yells over his silence,
I just want him
But to her, I taste of nothing at all
I told him. I told him that I love him.
With tears in my eyes, I begged him to say something, anything. I just wanted him to look at me. I didn't care if he didn't feel the same, I just wanted him to say it. To admit that we had something, even if we didn't now. Maybe I just couldn't let it go. Maybe I wanted to see something that was long gone, but I've always had trouble letting go.
He stared at me through the phone screen open-mouthed and as tears began to gather in his eyes, he turned away from me. He looked up at the ceiling, muttering to himself. He bit his lip and I knew that this was a mistake that the pretty boy on the subway wouldn't love me. That he couldn't love me. His lips opened, then closed.
"Jimin." My voice breaks on his name and his tears his gaze from somewhere ahead of his to me and he’s looking me in the eyes and even though I know what will come next, I smile. That's all I wanted. I wanted him to look me in the eyes like he cared. I wanted him to look me in the eyes the way he did when we first met. The way he did on that subway like he could read my life story like it was an article in a magazine. I wanted him to look at me like I mattered.
"I'm sorry, I just don't think we can be together. I care for you, I do-it's just I don't love you-I-I'm sorry." He ducked his head down, pushing his hair back and before clasping his hands together. My smile expanded. "Thank you." His head shot up, his eyebrows furrowed. "For what?" He questioned. "For this. This is all I wanted. For you to look at me in the eye and say something meaningful. No bullshit. I guess I fell too hard too fast and maybe we're not the best together, but you've changed me Park Jimin. So, thank you.”
thank you Park Jimin.
She...She...She means everything...to me.
It started with a smile that lasted just a little too long. The kind of smile that makes your cheeks hurt. He stared at me with kind eyes and curved lips. I stared back with a butterfly enclosure in my stomach and blushed cheeks. It was December and the Christmas lights were shining bright, but his eyes were shining brighter. It ended in silence. If a boy falls in love without anyone to hear him, does he still make a noise?
It was January. Everything was dying when everything was supposed to be new. The fairy lights in his eyes had gone out and the butterflies were getting frost bite. They dropped down like my body falling down the abyss of my hopelessness. He was still beautiful. Even when my heart started caving in like a burning sheet of paper. Even when happiness was a tumbleweed in an ocean, she was still beautiful. His eyes were still like hot chocolate on Christmas. His skin was still a safe heaven in a world full of thorns. His soothing voice still a never ending lullaby. He was beautiful.
He was so fucking beautiful