Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

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“Cut Hyunjin some slack,” Changbin tells him and all Jisung can do is return the statement with a scowl. Which makes Changbin wince, even though he doesn't verbally acknowledge it.

Whatever, Jisung thinks childishly. Everyone else already cuts Hyunjin enough slack - he doesn’t understand why he has to do it as well. Plus, he thinks, the admonition is rich coming from someone like Changbin who always seems to have a lot to say when it comes to critiquing Jisung.

He grits his teeth, thinking about this, while the older boy just sighs and shakes his head at him.

“Jisung,” Changbin says his name in a tone that sounds partly like it’s a warning, and partly just… exasperated. It makes him feel bad, because for all their bickering, Jisung actually respects Changbin and thinks highly of his opinion.

“How about you cut me some slack, hyung?” He mumbles as he gathers his things. Geez, it’s not his fault that Hyunjin sounds like he’s eating the words half of the time he raps. Quite frankly, couldn't his words be considered him actually helping Hyunjin get better? So why the fuck are people all up his ass just because he made a comment about how Hyunjin needed to be more mindful of his fucking diction?

“Jisung,” Changbin repeats his name, and this time it sounds more like a reprimand than anything else. He’s pretty sure he knows what’s coming next; Changbin is going to go on a spiel about how he and Hyunjin should try harder at working together because they have similar goals - because all of them are aiming to debut together.

Well, fuck that, Jisung thinks. He honestly doesn’t care if he doesn’t get to debut with that pretty boy prick.

“Changbin-hyung,” he interrupts, even going so far as to mock Changbin's reprimanding tone before he can go on any further. He’s petulant and glowering as he picks his bag up and slings the strap over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go, I need a break.”

The older sighs but he waves a hand at Jisung when the latter moves towards the practice room’s exit. He doesn't make a move to follow, and Jisung hates that he's aware it's because Changbin is more than likely to go talk to and comfort that overly sensitive asshat—also known as Hwang Hyunjin—instead.

Fucking pretty boy, he thinks. He's almost a hundred percent positive that's why everyone always takes Hyunjin’s side over his whenever they have little practice room spats—because Hyunjin looks like a goddamn prince straight out of a romance manhwa, while Jisung… well he looks the way he looks.

You don't look awful, he assures himself when he passes by an empty dance room - the door is wide open so he catches a glimpse of his reflection on the wall to wall mirrors. He has nice eyes, or so he's been told. A nice nose, too. He's not particularly keen on his cheeks, but he frequently gets told they're adorable. The only problem is that while his individual features are decent, he knows that they don't really go perfectly together.

“No,” he mumbles through gritted teeth, attempting to shake the negativity out of his head. You aren't bad looking Han Jisung, he tells himself, meeting his own gaze on his own reflection as he stands by the doorway of the dance room. In fact, you're fucking gorgeous, he mentally insists.

Maybe if he keeps thinking it, then it'll actually manifest in reality. The power of positive thinking and all that self-help self-confidence mumbo jumbo the JYPE life coach is always talking about during lessons. Still, he can't help but think about how even just once, it would be nice to have someone who has his back, no questions asked.

He sighs and pats his cheeks down, a habit that he’s taken to whenever he needs to psych himself up. Afterwards, he turns - he hadn’t even realised that he’d unconsciously stepped into the empty dance room while he was staring at his reflection - to move out, only to spot a couple of trainees walking towards his direction.

One of them catches his attention easily; it’s mighty cliche, the way his surroundings blur as all his focus is placed on the stranger. He’s new, obviously, because Jisung can’t place a name on him, and he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have forgotten this guy’s name if he’d known it. His face is tiny, but round - like he has precious baby fat waiting to be shed. His eyes are intense, but even from afar Jisung easily observes the pretty way his thick lashes frame them. The slope of his nose bridge is practically perfect, and the curl of his lips, well—

Fuck, it’s another pretty boy, he thinks, even as he is unable to take his eyes off the newcomer. It’s annoying, because the truth is he doesn’t think ‘pretty’ is a word that cuts it for this boy. Beautiful, is probably more apt, and he gets so lost in his jumbled thoughts that it takes him more than a beat to realise that he actually knows the other trainee.

“Seungmin—! Seungmin-ah!” It’s like his tongue has a mind of its own, because he finds himself calling out to the boy he recognizes even though all he had wanted to do just five minutes earlier was make a quick exit without having to deal with anyone.

“Jisung, hey,” Seungmin greets back once they’re all within proper earshot of each other. Even as Seungmin talks, Jisung still can’t tear his eyes away from Seungmin's companion, whom he assumes is a new trainee.

“Are you going to introduce me?” he asks, his tone just a little bit demanding.

“This—” Seungmin's eyes briefly narrow at him in disapproval, like he isn't too keen on how Jisung is speaking, but Jisung ignores it; it's quickly overshadowed by the bright smile Seungmin plasters on his face anyway, which he assumes is for the purpose of the newcomer, more than Jisung himself. “This is Lee Minho-ssi, he just became a trainee.”

Lee Minho. Jisung repeats the name in his head, inwardly cringing for a moment because it’s such a common one. In front of him, Lee Minho Who Just Became A Trainee lowers his upper body, bowing so politely that Jisung thinks if he had a protractor he’d be able to measure a perfect ninety degree angle. This flusters him, and his eyes widen as he scrambles to try and mirror the gesture.

“—and this is Han Jisung,” Seungmin continues in the background; when his friend says his name, Jisung lifts his gaze, only for his eyes to meet Minho’s. He feels a warm flush spread across his cheeks, which he doesn’t quite understand. Not even half an hour later, he’d been seething angrily about— damn, and that’s the thing, he barely even remembers now because Minho is distracting. He straightens immediately, standing up to his full height and he wills himself to calm down. It barely works, and instead he ends up glaring at the beautiful boy, because again, shit, attractive people are really, truly annoying.

“It’s nice to meet you Han Jisung-ssi,” Minho says, his lips curling into a small, but friendly smile. His lips are truly fascinating and Jisung has to make a conscious effort to keep his stare focused on the upper half of Minho’s face.

“Oh, yeah, it’s nice to meet you too,” Jisung agrees, his voice a little too loud, but also a little too even. “You guys gonna practice?” He asks, forcing himself to finally peel his gaze off of Minho, so he can look at Seungmin instead, who quickly shakes his head in response to Jisung’s question.

“I was showing him around,” Seungmin explains, giving the watch on his wrist a brief glance. “But now we’re looking for Hyunjin and the others—we’re getting dinner soon. You want to come with?”

Just the mention of Hyunjin’s name is enough to sour Jisung’s mood again. “Nah,” he answers, hands reaching up to grip at the straps of his backpack. “Was gonna go and get some air and some time for myself.”

“Oh, okay.” Seungmin nods, just shrugging even though Jisung is pretty sure he’s more than aware of the rising tensions between himself and Hyunjin. He’s thankful that Seungmin at least hasn’t been trying to tell him to let up on Hyunjin like most of everyone else has been. “Suit yourself. Have you seen him, though? Or maybe Jeongin?”

“He should be around,” Jisung mumbles; his eyes are slowly being drawn towards Minho again, which is frustrating, and it makes him want to just get out of there already. “Probably with Changbin-hyung,” he adds; if the bitterness in his tone seeps through, Seungmin doesn’t react to it either.

“Okay, thanks, we’ll see you around,” Seungmin tells him, before gesturing for Minho to follow him.

Minho, on the other hand, waves at Jisung, while his smile grow wider. “We’ll see you around, Han Jisung-ssi,” he echoes.

“Ah—” Jisung shakes his head, his breath hitching as Seungmin and Minho pass by him. “There’s no need to be so formal,” he mumbles; he’s unsure why he says it - maybe it’s because Minho’s smile is so goddamn cordial and lovely.

“Okay,” Minho agrees, and Jisung swears his eyes are sparkling when he looks at Jisung again. “I’ll keep that in mind!”

And then Minho is disappearing down the corridor with Seungmin, and Jisung is left to sigh by himself as he heads the other direction towards the elevator, confused as to what kind of mood he's sporting now.

The next time Jisung meets Minho is a couple of days later, at a meeting that was requested by Chan, who is pretty highly regarded by all the trainees thanks to the years of training he has under his belt.

When Jisung enters the room where they're supposed to meet, he’s surprised to see that there aren't as many people there as he had assumed there would be. There are five others at the moment - Hyunjin is one of them, which makes him wince. They were in a dance class together the day before, and while they didn't exactly get into another fight, they'd continued giving each other cold shoulders.

“Jisungie!” Someone else calls to him, and when he follows the voice, his eyes land on… Minho. The familiarity of the way the other boy calls to him makes Jisung’s ears warm up; he also notices a few curious glances from the other trainees already in the room - from Jeongin and Seungmin, mostly. Minho pats the empty space beside him, which is pretty opportune, as he’s seated over at the side of the room opposite of Hyunjin.

“Hi,” he murmurs, lowering himself down on the floor next to Minho.

“Hello,” Minho returns. “Jisungie.”

It should be annoying, how chummy and informal Minho is being, especially considering they’ve only met once before this, but the way Jisung’s name comfortably slides off Minho’s tongue sounds and feels good.

“You’re being a little too informal, aren’t you?” He retorts, but there’s a hint of teasing in his tone, enough to show that he isn’t offended, despite the cautious and confused grin he’s sporting.

“Oh— didn’t you say that there isn't any need to be so formal?”

Jisung blinks, and then he can't help but laugh because Minho is right, he did say that - he's just never met anyone before who had been so quick to take the words to heart.

“Right,” he murmurs. They're sitting next to each other on the floor, and when Jisung turns his head, he finds that he has the best view of Minho's side profile, seemingly sculpted by gentle hands prone to great detail. Up close, Minho's eyelashes are even more mesmerizing; Jisung also has the strangest urge to find a twelve-inch ruler and place it against his nose to prove how straight and sharp the angle of it is, just because. “Anyway,” he grumbles, shaking his head and averting his gaze because he knows better than to be caught staring. “I guess I’m free to call you Minho, then? Or— Minho-hyung? Wait. When were you even born?”

He hopes that Minho is the same age; that would make him a lot easier to befriend. But despite his youthful features, there's something about the way he carries himself that clues Jisung in that he's older. Minho seems like he's in the cusp of adulthood, like Jisung can blink and Minho will have crossed the line to being Fully Grown-Up.

“1998,” Minho answers, his voice soft but sharp at the same time - Jisung doesn't really know how else to describe it. “I turned 20 this year.” And there it is, Minho is newly adult, and in Jisung’s mind that automatically makes him strangely untouchable - or it should, anyway, but it doesn’t, really.

“Is this your first agency?” He finds himself asking, but before Minho can answer, the door is opening and Chan is walking in, shortly followed by Changbin.

It turns out Chan wants them - all nine of them - to be a team for the upcoming trainee showcase. Jisung has been with the company for over two years, which means that he has been in countless temporary teams and units before, most of them falling apart after whatever showcase or monthly evaluation they were created for. He wouldn’t think much of this, except he’s been making music with Chan and Changbin since the start of the year, and for the first time in a while, Jisung has found a unit that he thinks he truly fits in. He’d like nothing more than to debut as 3RACHA, but he knows that as much as management has been encouraging them to work on their music, debuting just as the three of them is mostly a pipe dream.

So instead, here he is, just one among eight trainees that Chan has picked to be his team, which is probably as good as he’s gonna get for now. “They told me that if we do really well, it ups our chances of debuting, tenfold.”

The statement makes Jisung scoff - if only he had a hundred won every time he’s heard that during his long career as a trainee, he’d be rich by now. Then maybe he wouldn’t still be struggling in his attempt to debut because he’d just be producing his own music under his own terms. Money’s powerful like that, after all.

Chan shoots him a sharp glance, and he bites the inside of his cheek. He’s got a lot of gripes, but when he recalls that Chan has actually been with JYP Entertainment thrice as long as he has, he manages to feel a little humbled. He sighs to himself and looks around the room, assessing Chan’s choice of trainees.

Changbin is there, of course. He’s a given, and honestly, if he or Jisung hadn’t been included in Chan’s list, he thinks he would have probably thrown some kind of hissy fit. Dramatic, but he’s sure he’s pretty justified. Jisung trusted Chan not to do that, at least, and luckily his trust hasn’t proven to be in vain.

Woojin is also there, and Jisung thinks having him makes sense. If it was up to him to form a group, he thinks he’d pick Woojin too because a good group would need someone experienced hold the main vocal position. As his eyes pass over Jeongin, he does find himself wondering if maybe the boy isn’t a bit too young, but the thought passes as quickly as it comes when Jisung reminds himself that not only is Jeongin younger than him by less than a year, he’s also been under the agency for almost as long as he has been.

Seungmin is there, and granted, he hasn’t been with JYPE that long, but with a little exhale, Jisung lets that pass. He really likes Seungmin’s vocal color, and given the chance, regardless of the other’s short training time, Jisung thinks he’d pick him for his own team, too.

Felix - he’s sweet, nice, harmless. He works hard, but he’s also someone else who has barely had time to settle into the trainee life. He’s new, and quite raw, and if Jisung is to be honest he really wouldn’t pick him if forming a team was up to him. He’s from Australia, though, and Jisung is aware that Chan feels a kind of kinship with him because of this; he assumes that played a heavy part in his decision to include Felix. Really, it’s just a shade and a half away from nepotism, but it’s a choice Jisung can forgive because he actually likes Felix a lot.

He can’t really say the same about the next person on the list, though.

The truth is that he and Hyunjin actually used to get along just fine. He has even slept over Hyunjin’s house a few times in the past, once just him, and another time with a couple of other trainees. When Hyunjin had just entered the agency, Jisung had even done his best to help the boy out - they were the same age after all, and same-aged friends should stick together. (This, almost word for word, was something he’d even declared to Hyunjin, back in the day, when they got along and Jisung didn't feel like punching his face every time they were within five feet of each other.) He isn’t really sure how, or when their behavior towards each other had changed, he just knows that these days, a week doesn’t go by without them butting heads at least once. It’s tiring, which is why he’d really rather not debut with Hyunjin if given the chance to pick. But unfortunately for him, that’s not his decision, and even though he’s pretty confident that he and Hyunjin aren’t nearly on the same level with their skills, all he can do is quietly glower because of Chan’s decision to include him in his team.

Hyunjin must have felt Jisung’s gaze on him, because he suddenly glances over his way. Their eyes briefly meet and Jisung feels an urgent need to avert his gaze. Naturally, they end up settling on the boy seated beside him, and this is when he realises just how much of a mystery Minho is. Heck, he doesn’t know what his position is. Is he a rapper? Jisung reckons he looks like he can be one, but he hopes not. He doesn’t need any more people to share lines with, so he’d rather not have another one in the group. Maybe he’s a vocalist? It fits his image better and he surmises that would make more sense - Jisung had noticed that when Minho speaks, he does so with such a soft and gentle tone, and he thinks that would add an interesting color to songs. The thought actually tugs at the corners of Jisung’s lips - he’d be interested in hearing Minho sing, he thinks.

“Hey—” He whispers, leaning in closer towards Minho so that only the older boy can hear him. Chan is discussing something with the group - answering some question Seungmin asked, he thinks, Jisung doesn’t really care because he’s way more curious about Minho right now. “How did you get into JYP?”

Minho hums in response, and it’s only when he turns his head to face Jisung that the latter realises just closely he’d moved in. His face grows hot, and he quickly leans away; he recovers with a smile, though, which Minho easily returns.

“I auditioned a while back,” Minho whispers. “I guess they kept a copy of my audition tape because they called me recently, and asked if I still wanted to sign with the company.”

“Oh.” Jisung nods; that didn’t really tell him what he’s most curious about, though. “Cool. So—do you sing?”

“Don’t we all?” Minho returns, a cascade of muffled giggles escaping him and earning them both a sharp glance from Chan before Jisung can even tell him off for the very obviously facetious answer.

“Sorry—” they both grumble at once, and they sound so in sync, even in their tone, that it has them holding back more giggles together, still in unison.

Later, at the trainee dorm, despite how tired he is - or perhaps, precisely because he's as tired as he is - Jisung finds his way over to Jeongin’s bunk. He slides under the covers next to the younger boy, arms and legs wrapping around the latter’s frame despite protestations.

“Hyung—!” Jeongin whines, only for Jisung to laugh and tighten his hold around him until Jeongin eventually gives in and stops squirming. “Did you at least wash after practice?!”

“Yah.” Jisung’s voice lowers as he loosens his embrace. “Of course I did!”

Jeongin laughs, and lightly pokes Jisung’s stomach - his way of showing that he was just joking around, and just like that, everything is forgiven again.

“Hyung?” Jeongin calls out, soft and inquiring. “What’s on your mind?”

A lot, he wants to say, because Jisung certainly has a lot of things on his mind. For one, he’s thinking about how empty the dorm has been feeling recently. The room he shares with Jeongin, especially. They used to have a third roommate, Sanghyuk; they’d shared living space with him for almost a year until he’d decided he had enough and finally left to go back to his home in Daegu, just the week before. “I’m tired, so I’m just going home, paying my parents the respect they deserve— then I’m enlisting, like most of my friends already did last year,” he’d shared with Jisung when he was packing his things. Sanghyuk is two years older than him, and has been with the company even longer than Jisung has been. “I just don’t have it in me anymore to wait around,” he had added, and in his eyes was a resigned and disillusioned look that Jisung couldn’t really comprehend. It’s this same look that has been haunting Jisung, weighing heavily on him ever since the older had left.

Chan has also been hounding him about lyrics for a song - a melody that he had let Jisung hear several days ago, and this has constantly been on his mind as well. Words usually come to him easily when he’s inspired, but this time around, he just keeps coming up with random lines and snippets, not all of them fitting together, and it all just adds to the very many frustrations Jisung already has in his life.

Speaking of Chan - his newly assembled team is of course front and center of Jisung’s thoughts. They had spent a good chunk of that afternoon together, mostly brainstorming, until half of them had to go for some specialised vocal lessons, while 3RACHA had a smaller meeting to talk about their own mixtape project, and their own showcase plans. The trainee showcase is still almost a full month away, but he knows better than anyone how quickly time goes by when you actually need more of it.

In line with his thoughts about the new team, Jisung can’t help the way that Minho’s been running through his mind all evening. He assumes that’s normal - Minho is new, an unknown factor. It’s natural to be curious about something or someone that you don’t know about, right? At least, though, he has since discovered that Minho’s specialty is dance. Jisung, unfortunately, hasn’t really had the opportunity to properly see him in action, but he can’t help look forward to that chance, which he assumes will be soon anyway.

“Hyung?” Jeongin repeats, pulling Jisung out of his reverie. “Thoughts?”

“Just— the showcase,” Jisung shares. It’s not a complete lie. “You think Chan-hyung picked a winning team?”

“I—” Jeongin sounds small; less confident than he usually does when he’s just playing around with Jisung, or any of the other trainees. “I hope so.”

“Me too,” Jisung agrees, sighing as he tiredly nuzzles against Jeongin’s shoulder. After that afternoon’s meeting, Chan has just about managed to convince him that this is really, truly, finally their chance at debut, even more so than all the other supposed chances Jisung has already had in the past. He doesn’t want to hope too much, but he can’t help it now.

“Hey, what do you think of the new guy?” Jeongin suddenly asks, almost as if he’s picked through Jisung’s brain. “Lee Minho-ssi—? Hyunjin-hyung says he toured with BTS as a backdancer.”

“Wait—” Jisung’s interest is newly piqued. “Minho-hyung what?!”

Jeongin flinches, almost as if taken aback by the difference in how the two of them refer to Minho. “Ah, yeah. Hyunjin-hyung says he recognised him from— shit,” He frowns and shifts in place, obviously trying to recall something. “I forgot the name of the dance crew that hyung mentioned. But yeah, the other night we all had dinner together, and Hyunjin-hyung just asked him straight up, I guess because he recognized him or something from a dance competition Hyunjin-hyung went to see—and he said it was true. He was even in one of their music videos, I think. BTS’ I mean. He didn’t really offer up much detailed information.”

“Cool,” Jisung murmurs; he has to admit to being impressed. Dancing has never come easily to him personally, so that Minho was actually a working professional dancer - even dancing backup for one of the hottest idol groups at the moment - has him a little bit in awe. “That’s good—we do need strong dancers.”

Jeongin hums in agreement, but then he adds, “He’s a little bit, um—weird, though?” He’s whispering now, so softly, like he’s afraid that someone will hear him and rat him out to Minho even though they’re in the comfort and privacy of their own bedroom.

“Really?” Jisung is confused; he doesn’t really get the same vibe from Minho. If anything, Minho seems… interesting. Definitely someone that Jisung wants to get to know better.

“We met for the first time the other day, right? And then not even an hour later, he was coming up to me and asking me if I wanted to go with him to convenience store— who does that?!” Jeongin sounds so perturbed, but Jisung can only laugh.

“What’s so wrong with that?” he asks, because he really does not understand how Jeongin’s particular anecdote is supposed to make Minho strange. Or weird. “Maybe he needed you to show him around—? Or that was just his way of being friendly!”

Jeongin whines. “You would know. The two of you looked quite friendly earlier today.”

There’s something accusatory in the younger’s tone that normally would make Jisung blanch, but just this once he consciously dismisses it. “That’s because we were being friendly!” he declares. “We’re in a team together now. That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

“Sure.” Jeongin snorts. “Because you’re super friendly with everyone.”

Jisung wrinkles his nose; the younger is still using that tone and it’s starting to really grate on his nerves. “What are you implying? Huh?!” He huffs, and starts aggressively poking and tickling Jeongin’s sides until he’s reduced to unintelligible screeching  and squirming, and both of them are laughing breathlessly.

Their days, just as Jisung anticipated, pass by quickly. Their dance instructors have them practicing three different songs in a week - which is already one more than usual, but that’s also on top of Jisung having to work with Chan and Changbin on their music and the supplementary vocal lessons that they’re all required to take now. (Not to mention even now, with the tightened schedule, JYP still won’t let up on the weekly ethics lessons which, more often than not, Jisung just ends up using as extra nap time, really.)

And then there’s the minimum of five hours every night are spent as free-for-all practice with the new team; they’ve chosen the two songs to perform at the showcase as nine, which (maddeningly) meant more choreography to memorize, and overall, it’s just about enough to drive Jisung insane.

Minho, on the other hand, memorizes all assigned choreography not just quickly, but with ease and grace. Apparently he had also breezed through the collection of basic dance steps that all JYPE trainees are required to learn. If Jisung wasn’t already impressed before, he’s definitely impressed now. However obvious it is that Minho is still lacking a lot in every other area, he doesn’t care. Everyone has a role to play in a group, he reasons - rather uncharacteristically - with himself, and Minho is their dancer.

His opinion on Minho is probably clouded by the fact that Jisung, in general, feels really drawn to him. Minho is a little quiet most days, but Jisung has managed to draw laughter out of him enough times to discover that not only do they have compatible humor, but that Minho has a cute, infectious laugh.

“You’re staring,” Changbin tells him as he drops down next to Jisung. They’d just finished two consecutive run throughs of H.O.T’s Warrior’s Descendant, one of their picks for their group performance, and considering the intense choreography, Jisung is completely beat and just sprawled across the floor.

“What?” He snaps, quickly shifting his gaze to Changbin, feigning complete innocence with regards to Changbin’s comment. It doesn’t work, of course, and Changbin just knowingly scoffs.

“That’s actually really nice of Hyung,” Changbin comments, nodding towards the scene that Jisung had been watching earlier - Minho helping Seungmin and Jeongin out, demonstrating to them more intricate parts of the choreography that they, more than anyone else in the group, have been having trouble with.

“Yeah, well, Minho-hyung’s real nice,” Jisung simply agrees.

Changbin looks like he has more to say, but Woojin’s voice suddenly thunders throughout the room.

“I’m hungry!” Their assigned main vocalist yells. “Rock, paper, scissors— loser buys snacks!” And just like that, the pronouncement has everyone scrambling to gather at the center of the room.

Rock. Paper. Scissors—

Jisung chooses scissors together with Minho while somehow, everyone else miraculously chooses rock.

He groans out loud, not really wanting to make the long, lonely trek to the nearest convenience store. And so he turns to Minho and rolls up his sleeve, channeling all the luck he hopes is available to him for the next round.

Rock. Paper. Scissors—

Jisung is set to throw a rock this time around, but as he gets ready to hold a closed fist out, he's surprised by Minho suddenly wrapping his fingers around Jisung's own tiny wrist.

“Come on,” Minho says, with a twinkle in his eye that's so mesmerizing, he could probably ask Jisung to do anything in that moment, and Jisung would easily say yes. “Let’s go together— it would be hard for a single person to carry snacks for nine people on his own anyway.”

Jisung sighs, for show more than anything else, because not a second later, he’s already smiling and nodding in agreement. They both go around and take notes on what everyone wants to eat, and the next thing he knows, he’s casually (and literally) rubbing elbows with Minho as they ride the elevator down to the JYPE lobby.

“Hyung, what would you have thrown?” Jisung finds himself asking as they amble down the sidewalk. He playfully bumps his hip against Minho’s, earning hearty laughter from the older boy, which in turn has Jisung flashing a wide and satisfied grin.

“Whatever would have beaten your choice, obviously,” Minho declares, holding Jisung steady as they get ready to cross the street by putting one arm casually around his shoulders.

“Except you don’t know what I was going to play, hyung,” Jisung counters, as they both, at the exact same time, look at both sides of the road before crossing.

Minho snorts. “I was going to play paper,” he says. “You would’ve lost.”

“Excuse you! I was totally going to play scissors!” Jisung is lying through his teeth, but there’s no way Minho can prove that.

Minho just laughs again, untangling himself from Jisung as they both enter the store. “Sure,” he says in a tone that’s clearly just humoring Jisung. “If you say so! Anyway— let’s split up. I’ll cover Chan-hyung’s to Hyunjin’s, and you can pick up from yours to Jeongin’s. Call?”

Jisung doesn’t argue and they go their separate ways inside the store; he throws everything he remembers about what the younger half of their team asked for and eventually he catches up with Minho at the back, where the older is staring at the drinks selection. He stops short, his breath hitching, because  somehow even the pale, fluorescent lighting of the convenience store is illuminating Minho’s profile in such a way that makes his face very, very distracting.

“You’re staring.” Minho’s voice cuts through his thoughts. “Again.”

Well, shit.

It’s the second time in an hour that he’s been called out for staring, and it’s especially embarrassing this time around because it’s Minho himself telling him off. His first instinct is to deny and go on the offensive, but for once he’s actually tongue tied.

“I know I’m really good looking, Jisungie, but that doesn’t make staring any less rude,” Minho chides him, a half-formed smirk curved on his lips as he grabs a couple of juice boxes to put in his basket.

Jisung’s eyes widen, and the shade of red already coloring his cheeks deepen. “You—you’re not that good looking!” He huffs, just a little bit too defensively as he marches over right up to the older. “You’re alright at best,” he insists, reaching for a bottle of banana milk, and a bottle of chocolate milk. “Maybe a step or two below me on the handsomeness scale.”

Minho actually bursts into guffaws at that, and it’s kinda fascinating the way he laughs - partly full and hearty, and completely booming from his chest, but interspersed with soft, giggly teetering. Jisung snorts at first, but soon he’s joining in, and their combined laughter is echoing throughout the small store, probably annoying the person behind the counter who very likely just wants them to be done with their purchase already so he can go back to lazing around on his smartphone like he’d been doing originally when Minho and Jisung had walked in.

When they empty their baskets at the counter and the cashier starts ringing up the items, Minho briefly leaves Jisung as he wanders towards the ice cream chiller. When he returns, he’s wearing a wide grin, and he sets down two Jaws bars on the counter.

“One for you, and one for me,” Minho tells Jisung, handing him one of the ice pops after they pay for everything and they head out.

“Oh, thanks hyung!” Jisung beams gratefully, all set to step out onto the sidewalk, except Minho stops by the empty tables outside the store. He pulls out a chair and plops himself down on it before pulling out the one next to him and gesturing for Jisung to take it.

“What about the others?” Jisung asks, even though he doesn’t really hesitate to take the seat that’s been offered.

“They’ll still be there when we get back,” Minho points out; he’s already tearing apart the wrapper of his icy treat. “We’re just staying until we finish our ice cream— that’s like… ten more minutes, tops. So you get ten more free minutes to stare at me.”

Jisung huffs, but he doesn’t deny the accusation this time around. He focuses on his ice cream instead, at least until he realises that Minho’s eyes are completely set on him.

“I thought it was rude to stare, hyung,” he teases, even though his face actually feels quite warm thanks to the intensity of Minho’s gaze.

“Oh, don’t mind me— just trying to see where I lose to that face of yours on the so-called handsomeness scale.”

“Hyung—!” Jisung growls as he almost chokes on his now berry flavored spit. “This is why the others think you’re weird sometimes,” he adds with a dramatic sigh.

“Oh? Is that so?” Minho sounds uncharacteristically wistful, which makes Jisung regret his word usage. “Do you think the same?”

Jisung pauses, taking a beat before answering. “No,” he says, completely sincere and truthful. “I think you’re interesting.”

Minho laughs. “It would have been okay if you felt the same, a lot of people do,” he tells Jisung, but there’s a certain look on his face that tells Jisung he’s secretly pleased at the answer he was given.

“Whatever,” Jisung mumbles; his ears still feel hot and he’s completely ready to switch topics. “Ugh— my legs hurt so bad, hyung. And I’m starting to mix up all the choreography that I’ve had to learn this week.”

Minho’s brow furrows, quietly biting off the tip of his ice lolly as he considers Jisung’s words, and then he breaks out a small smile. “You’re a good dancer though, Jisungie. You pick the steps up fast, and you move with a certain ease and lightness that doesn't come naturally to everyone.”

“You say that now because the choreography is still fresh in my mind. Tomorrow I’ll be tripping all over my own two feet.” Jisung isn't usually the type to put himself down like this. Usually he's the first one to hype himself up and boost his own ego, but for some reason, despite the light tone, he can't help but be genuine in revealing his insecurities to Minho.

“Just…” Minho shrugs before smiling and gently knocking his knee against Jisung’s. “Let your body remember the movements, and you'll do fine. You’re the best among all of us, you know. A real triple threat.”

He lifts his chin and once again he finds himself staring at Minho, who flashes him a grin. It’s kinda funny because Minho’s lips are bluish purple now thanks to his ice cream, but even as Jisung laughs, he feels a certain kind of pride blooming in his chest thanks to the older boy’s praise.

“Thanks, hy—” he starts, only to be interrupted by Minho’s phone - which was set, face up, on the table in front of them - lighting up and buzzing incessantly. Jisung watches as Chan’s picture shows up on the screen before Minho snatches the phone up to answer the call.

“Hyung, hey, yeah—” Minho says through the phone mic; Jisung keeps licking his ice cream while quietly listening to Minho’s end of the conversation. “Yeah… yeah— we’re about to pay— yeah, sorry… Jisungie had a bathroom emergency—” Minho covers his mouth as he giggles at the false excuse, and Jisung half snickers and half hisses at him for it. “We’ll be walking back soon— yeah, okay. See you, hyung.”

“So we have to go back?” Jisung asks, sighing because he's really not in a hurry to go.

“Don’t worry, your little bathroom emergency bought us time enough to finish these,” Minho says, chuckling as he gestures towards their half finished Jaws bars.

Jisung pouts because their excuse just had to come at his expense, but then Minho places his phone back down on the table, and Jisung gets completely distracted when he's able to catch a glimpse of his lockscreen before it goes black. “Oh!” He doesn't even hesitate to pick Minho’s phone up. “Cute cats!” He coos, thumb gently pressing on the home button so he can see it again.

Minho’s entire face lights up at his reaction, and Jisung almost misses it because he's too busy looking at the phone screen. “Yeah!” Minho looks so proud when he takes his phone back, only to unlock it and navigate to his gallery. “This is Soonie,” he explains happily, his ice pop starting to melt on the hand holding it as he busies himself with flipping through pictures using the other. “I adopted him when I was in middle school! And this one is Doongie— she can be a bit snobby sometimes but isn't she beautiful anyway?” When he laughs, his eyes twinkle and of course Jisung can't help but stare yet again. “I got her from a friend of a friend.”

“They're so cute!” Jisung is practically gushing as Minho shows him different pictures. “My family has a dog in Malaysia, but I’ve always wanted to take care of cats.”

Minho's smile grows wider at that. “I knew there was a reason I liked you,” he comments, chuckling as he puts his phone down so he can reach over and ruffle Jisung's hair affectionately.

The trainee showcase comes and goes and finally - motherfucking finally - Park Jinyoung says they can debut.

Except there's a caveat: the entire process is to be filmed.

It isn't exactly a surprise. The week leading up to the showcase, management had shoved cameras into their faces, and filmed individual interviews where they had introduced themselves, talked about how it is like to be a trainee under one of the BIG3 agencies, and how grueling the process is when preparing for a trainee showcase - even the girls had done it, and everyone had assumed that it was for documentation purposes. Trainee showcases are always a big deal, after all, doubly so if it's one of the bigger agencies.

Park Jinyoung also informs them that their group still has a lot of weaknesses, a lot of holes, and if they want to debut with their current lineup, then they better work hard and shape up. It’s not explicitly said, but it's nevertheless heavily implied - slack off, and management will take liberties in cutting off anyone who doesn't meet expectations.

The warning, coupled with the idea of debuting on TV on a show where all their shortcomings will be put under a spotlight elicits all kinds of reaction from most of the boys, but Jisung—

He’s ecstatic.

He did so well, receiving nothing but compliments that he finds it hard to focus on anything else. It’s not that he's looking forward to anyone being dropped from the lineup (not even Hyunjin, he swears), it's more that he's too happy to even consider anything else. It’s strange, because he’d been sporting a way more cynical outlook, just a month ago.

“Hyung, it’s happening!” He squeaks happily, later than night, when it's just him and Minho, and he's watching the older gather his things in the practice room. “We’re going to debut!”

Minho laughs, zips his bag up and sets it down before he moves to sit on the couch next to Jisung, who automatically twists around so he can stretch across the small space and place his head on Minho’s lap instead. “You're really confident about this,” Minho muses, looking down at him, and gently running fingers through the younger's hair.

It's nice, Jisung thinks. Comfortable. He can probably fall asleep like this, even though he shouldn't, because they'd be looking for him at the dorm.

“We did really well,” he murmurs, sounding a little distracted as he nuzzles against Minho's hand.

He's known the older for only a little over a month, but it feels so much longer. He supposes cramming for a very important showcase - which includes all sorts of late nights and early mornings - easily strengthens relations and puts new friendships on the fast track. That's the only explanation that Jisung has as to why he already feels like he knows Minho so well.

“Hyung, we’ll do it together. We’re going to debut together.”

He hasn't really said these words out loud to anyone in a very long time. He’s been burned too many times by trainees coming, going, quitting and even debuting under different companies. He’s tired of making promises and aiming for dreams with others, and for a while now, his goal really has been solely to debut, never mind who he does it with.

But right then, in that moment, with all his heart, he wants to do it - he wants to debut - with Minho. He wants to believe that he’ll be able to debut with Minho. Heck - he thinks, he actually, truly, wants to debut with this particular group now. All nine of them and not one less.

Goddamn, Chan-hyung, he finds himself thinking even as he slowly drifts off to sleep, Minho’s gentle caressing of his hair doing nothing except add to his lethargy. He sure knows how to put together a group.

It doesn't even take another month before Jisung starts wishing that he hadn’t drunk Chan's bullshit Kool-Aid.

It takes barely a couple of weeks because that’s when Minho gets eliminated.

Eliminated.

Dropped. Cut. Culled from the debut line-up.

Jisung can't help but think that maybe if he hadn't bought into Chan’s pep talks, and Chan’s proclamations of them all doing this together, then maybe he wouldn’t be feeling as shattered as he is.

Joke's on him, really. Park Jinyoung had told them straight up that not all of them were guaranteed a spot at the end, he just refused to listen because he had his head up in the clouds. He was distracted by compliments and the comfortable feeling of group camaraderie. Considering his years as a trainee, he really should have known better.

Changbin looks like he feels even worse; they have lessons together and Changbin is just quiet and uncharacteristically solemn. A far cry from his usual easy and humorous self. It makes Jisung wonder if Changbin blames himself for Minho’s elimination, and the thought makes his blood boil.

At the same time, admittedly, he wonders - what if Minho had ended up under his leadership instead? Would he still be around? Or would Park Jinyoung have eliminated him anyway? Jisung wonders if he’d be blaming himself in that case, and then he thinks,

Fuck all that.

He feels anger building from within him, mostly at the company because how dare they toy with dreams and emotions so easily? Even worse, how dare they do it for the sake of entertainment? It was bad enough whenever trainees got told that they’re not good enough, but to have it broadcast for everyone to see is just plain cruel.

Jisung forces himself to start thinking about only himself again; it’s the only way he’s able to attend lessons and practice, the only way he can look at the camera and answer the PD’s questions calmly, without snapping like an unfed shark at every turn.

But then at one particular lesson, Hyunjin eats his goddamn words yet again and Jisung gets really riled up. The traitorous thought of why couldn’t it have been Hyunjin to go instead?! passes through his consciousness and he kinda hates himself for it. It’s a challenge but for once he actually manages to hold his tongue until lessons are over; as soon as the instructor dismisses them, he’s up and storming out the door.

Unfortunately, their debut group has dance lessons right after so Jisung barely has time to calm down before Hyunjin’s mere presence starts to get him heated again. He’s so focused on tempering his anger that he misses a few beats, and he doesn't move as sharp as she should at some parts.

“Hey, Jisung—” Hyunjin calls his attention after they go through ‘Hellevator’ a couple of times. “You should hold your arms up higher—” he says, generously demonstrating the correct way how a certain part of the choreography should be done. All things considered, Hyunjin is being a conscientious teammate, but Jisung, who was already feeling ticked off at him, doesn’t see it that way.

“Mind your own fucking business,” he mutters, walking right past him so he can grab a bottle of water. Hopefully a drink helps cool him done.

“Well that’s just rude,” Hyunjin snaps back, turning and fixing a glare of his own at Jisung.

“Excuse me?!” Jisung stands to his full height and lifts his chin, eyes shooting daggers at Hyunjin. “I’m not the one offering unsolicited advice— now that’s rude.”

Hyunjin actually has the gall to scoff and roll his eyes. “Whatever,” he says. “Why don’t you just dance correctly so we don’t have problems?”

And that’s it, that’s all it takes before Jisung is seeing crimson. “What did you say?!” He takes one step forward, all set to rush at Hyunjin, except Changbin quickly appears by his side, hand on his arm, silently imploring him to stop. When Jisung tries to shrug him off, Changbin simply tightens his grip on his wrist. It pisses Jisung off even more, but even if Changbin can physically restrain him, there’s nothing they can do about holding his tongue. “If we’re talking problems, then why don’t you learn to fucking rap right?!”

The way a flash of hurt registers in Hyunjin’s eyes does not go amiss with Jisung. He looks like he’s about to cry, and while a part of Jisung feels bad about that, another part - a louder, more obnoxious part - just gets even more annoyed. Your tears aren’t helpful, he almost spits out, but then the door opens and their dance instructor enters the room.

“What’s going on here?” Instructor Bae asks, only to be met with complete silence.

Jisung looks down at his shoes, guilty, but then he hears someone’s breath hitching, and when he looks up, he finds Hyunjin hurrying out of the room. Beside him, Changbin moves to go after the taller boy, but Chan quickly holds him back.

“Jisung.” Chan is using his his Stern Leader Voice, the one that strikes fear in everyone whenever they hear it. “Go after him.”

Jisung’s jaw drops; he wants to complain and ask why him but the way Chan is looking at him leaves no room for whining.

“Fine,” he grumbles; he grudgingly goes after Hyunjin, but he doesn’t forget to stomp his feet on his way.

After he steps out of the practice room, Jisung catches a blur that distinctly resembles Hyunjin go into the men’s bathroom down the hall. With a deeply annoyed sigh, he trudges down the corridor until he reaches his destination.

“Hyunjin?” He calls out, knocking once before pushing the door open. “I know you're in there.”

The bathroom, at first glance, is empty, but one of the stalls has its door shut, and when Jisung takes a peek at the opening at the bottom, he recognizes Hyunjin’s trainers immediately.

“Hwang Hyunjin, are you crying in there?” He asks haughtily.

“Fuck off!” Hyunjin snaps back, but Jisung knows he’s right because of the way he recognizes a half sob right after.

“Geez, man up,” he says. “Come out here and let's talk this out, man to man.”

Several seconds pass without any response, but Jisung doesn't leave. He stays there, arms folded across his chest as he leans against the counter, waiting for Hyunjin to come out.

And then there’s soft rustling behind the stall door, and then it finally opens. Hyunjin’s eyes and nose are red, which further confirms Jisung’s earlier suspicions.

“Fuck you Han Jisung,” Hyunjin hisses at him. “You’re an asshole.”

Okay, Jisung thinks. He probably deserves that.

“Whatever,” He shoots back anyway. “What do you want to do about it?” Hyunjin’s bottom lip quivers, and it makes Jisung almost want to punch his annoyingly pretty face. “Jesus fucking Christ, don’t tell me you’re gonna cry again?! Can you not?!”

“What the hell do you want from me Jisung?!”

“Nothing! I want exactly nothing from you!” And it’s the complete truth, because right in that moment, Jisung wanted exactly nothing  to do with Hwang Hyunjin. Alas, it was clearly too much to ask, because they were right in the middle of preparing to debut together. No amount of contempt for some pretty boy hack is going to make Jisung loosen his grip on this chance at his dream.

“I’m not gonna go away, Jisung. I deserve—” Hyunjin’s breath hitches as what seems to be a wave of  insecurity takes over him, and he quite obviously re-words what he was about to say. “I want this chance to debut as much as everyone else in our team.”

Jisung knows that. He knows he isn’t easily getting rid of Hyunjin, and he knows they can’t keep fighting like this. So he suggests the only option left to them,

“Let’s just pretend then.” Hyunjin gives him a strange look, but he doesn't say anything, so Jisung takes that as his cue to continue. “We don't have to talk. We don't have to get along, really. We just have to be cordial in front of the others, be a little friendly in front of cameras, but otherwise, we don't really have to acknowledge each other.”

Hyunjin nods, slow and deliberate. “So we pretend to be good in front of everyone else, but otherwise we ignore each other’s existence— that’s what you're saying, right?”

“Exactly.”

Hyunjin looks uneasy; it almost makes Jisung roll his eyes because he thinks Hyunjin should learn that not everyone is going to like him or fall at his feet. But then Hyunjin is nodding again and accepting the terms.

“Good,” Jisung says. “I’d say let's shake on it, but whatever. We don’t have to.”

“Jisung?”

It’s late night, but he’d stayed behind even after everyone else had headed back to the dorm. He’s sure Chan is stuck in his own studio, a couple of floors away, and this is why no one had argued when Jisung said he was staying, too.

He’s been dancing to ‘Hellevator’ for almost two hours straight, and he’s exhausted, which is why he was just sprawled out on the floor, staring at the ceiling, when the familiar voice had called out to him.

He pulls himself up, resting his weight on his elbows as he glances at the half-opened door. “Hyung?”

“Hey, I was passing by and thought that was you.” The door opens fully, and Minho walks in, duffel bag slung across his shoulder. He flashes Jisung a tired smile, and then he closes the door behind. “You’re all by yourself?”

Jisung nods, and this time he forces himself up to a sitting position, gathering his knees close to his chest, and waits for Minho to join him. “You were practicing too, hyung?”

“Yeah, I was on the fifth floor. Had some one-on-one vocal instruction.”

Jisung can sense that Minho isn't telling him the entire truth, but he chooses not to ask just yet. He’s really just glad to have the older there; for some reason, Minho has a strange, calming effect on him and he wants to revel in that nice feeling for a moment.

Minho sits on the floor next to him, legs stretched out ahead of him. They’re both facing the huge mirror lining one side of the room, and Jisung can’t help but study Minho’s reflection. He looks as tired as Jisung feels; his cheeks look sunken and there are bags under his eyes. All things considered, he really shouldn't look as ethereal as Jisung still finds him to be.

“Hyung,” he murmurs, giggling and stretching his legs out in front of him so he can copy Minho. “I missed you.”

Minho laughs; he also sounds tired, but the sound still brings a smile to Jisung’s face. “Already?!” He scoffs and nudges Jisung’s knee with his own. “It’s been two days!”

Jisung pouts quietly, and when their eyes meet through the mirror, Minho lets out a heavy sigh.

“Me too, Jisungie,” Minho admits, flashing a tiny, restrained smile.

Even though Minho is acting like he’d been forced to say it, Jisung knows he truly means it. That’s just how Minho is - he’s awkward about expressing emotion, but in serious moments he would never say anything that he doesn’t truly mean.

Jisung tugs at one of Minho’s arms, wrapping it around himself as he leans against the older’s side. “How’ve you been, hyung?” He asks, eyelids fluttering close as he allows himself to relax.

“Hmmm,” Minho hums and subtly pulls Jisung closer. “Busy. I might not be debuting any time soon, but I need to be at my best so I don’t miss out on the next opportunity, yeah?”

Jisung’s brow creases at the reminder that Minho isn’t a part of the same team as him anymore. He’s sure Minho will make it one day - his improvement has been quite dramatic. Minho has actually been doing pretty well before he’d been cut, at least during rehearsals. He always stepped up to whatever challenges him, and his rap and vocals have been steadily improving. It really isn’t fair that Park Jinyoung decided to sack him from the group just because some nerves got the better of him during the live performance. It’s not fair that Jisung is losing this opportunity to debut with him, just because he had a minor slip up. Fucking Park Jinyoung should be watching them at rehearsals instead - if he had, then maybe Minho would have been able to show just what kind of potential he truly had.

“Jisung—?” Minho’s gentle voice cuts through his thoughts. “You still there?”

“Yeah, hyung, sorry. Was just thinking.”

“Well— that’s new,” Minho retorts, and it takes Jisung a beat to realise that a joke is being made at his expense.

“Yah, hyung!” He whines, straightening up so he can move away, except Minho tightens his hold around him, keeping Jisung close.

“Hey, Jisungie, I lied.”

Well, he certainly wasn't expecting that.

“What.”

“I didn't just pass by and notice you. Changbin told me where you’d be,” he explains; somehow, Jisung isn't completely surprised. “He also told me about the fight with Hyunjin.”

That makes Jisung scowl, but he really doesn't have it in him to get more riled up than that. “Are you also going to tell me to make nice with Hyunjin?”

“No,” Minho answers, quick and easy, which has Jisung giving his reflection a confused look. All the other members have been telling him was just that, exactly. Be nice to Hyunjin. Be friends with Hyunjin - you're stuck together. Don’t provoke Hyunjin, he’s sensitive. That last one especially annoys Jisung - is he supposed to be an unfeeling rock?!

Minho laughs, probably at his expression, which makes Jisung huff like an overgrown child. “I mean,” Minho clarifies, “you probably should, but I’m sure everybody else is already on your case about it. Besides, getting along with someone isn't something that can be forced. It just happens.”

True enough, Jisung silently agrees. Just like how getting along with Minho comes so easily and naturally for him.

“Thanks,” he mutters. “Wait— so why are you here, then, if not to scold me about Hyunjin?”

“What, I’m not allowed to drop by anymore?”

“No!” Jisung protests a little too vehemently, his arms wrapping possessively around Minho as if to show that not only is he welcome, but that Jisung really wants him there. “Of course you are, hyung.”

Minho chuckles, and pats the back of his head the way he seems to do whenever Jisung says or does something that amuses him. “I just wanted to make sure you aren’t alone and wallowing in your own anger and self-pity.”

“Hyung—?” Minho’s words touch Jisung, in part because it’s obvious that the older boy cares for him so much, but also because there’s something in his tone that implies he understands perfectly.

The older shrugs in response. “It’s what I would’ve done. And I know I would've loved non-judgmental company.”

Jisung sighs and secures his hold around Minho, moving as close as he can and pressing his face against the latter’s arm. “Thank you.”

“Whatever, it's not a big deal,” Minho assures him, but even if he downplays his kind caring, it doesn't mean Jisung is actually going to appreciate it less. “Hey— you were practicing Hellevator, right?”

Jisung nods wordlessly; he's still leaning his forehead against Minho’s arm, too comfortable to move otherwise.

“Want me to help a bit?” Minho offers, which has Jisung perking up. A huge chunk of the Hellevator choreography had been contributed by Minho, so doing a run through with him would definitely help Jisung a lot. “I mean— I don't know what right I have to say that as someone who basically just got kicked off the song, but—”

“Shut up,” Jisung says, laughing and clamping a hand over Minho’s mouth. “Of course I’d love your help!”

Nine or none, that was their metaphorical battle cry.

But then Felix gets eliminated next, and Jisung doesn't know how to feel anymore.

Nine or none. Nine or fucking none.

The words keep running through his head, and objectively, he should find them ridiculous. Debuting has been his dream for as long as he can remember now, but it’s not just his.

It’s Chan’s dream too, and Changbin’s. Woojin’s, Seungmin’s, Jeongin’s. Hyunjin’s as well, even. It’s unfair to think that they’d even consider dropping the opportunity, just because management wouldn’t let them have the original lineup they - Chan, mostly - had chosen for themselves.

But then he remembers that it’s Minho and Felix’s dream, too, and he almost wants to take the words to heart. The feeling is so foreign to him, and it makes him wonder if this is actually him losing steam and being close to giving up.

Maybe it's the stress brought on by preparing for so damn much in such a short amount of time, or maybe it's the shared frustration of nine people having something they all badly want dangled in front of them, only to be told that it can be snatched away any time if they're not careful.

Fuck - only to have it actually snatched away from two of them.

Jisung didn't cry that much when Minho was eliminated. He was broken-hearted, yes, but his anger prevailed at the time, and spurred him on like some kind of fucked up adrenaline shot. But when Park Jinyoung announces that Felix is lacking too much to be in the debut group, it's like a dam inside Jisung breaks.

After the cameras stop rolling, he goes off and finds Felix by sitting by himself, at the bottom step of the stairs between third and fourth floors of the JYPE building.

“Lix, hey—” Jisung begins, lowering himself to sit next to the Australian. It’s dark, because the stairwells only have faded incandescent lighting illuminating them, but Jisung clearly notices how the other boy’s eyes are bloodshot and swollen from too much crying. He knows that he originally wouldn't have chosen Felix for a team of his own, precisely because of everything that Park Jinyoung had just said about him, but now Jisung just thinks his past self was stupid. Felix came on his own to a country where he could barely speak the language, moved away from his parents and sisters and a comfortable life that he’s accustomed to, all because he's determined to chase after his dream. Felix, despite whatever shortcomings he has, would be good for the team because this is all he has. “Felix—”Jisung repeats, except this time around, he actually hears his own voice break.

He puts one arm around the younger boy, and they huddle close together, their soft sobs echoing around the empty stairwell.

That night, Jisung allows himself to stop focusing on just himself. He allows himself to cry for Felix and his dreams - allows himself to finally truly cry for Minho and his dreams.

“Congratulations. All nine of you are going to debut.”

Jisung thinks that moment - the moment that Park Jinyoung utters these words into his microphone, and the entire live audience cheers - could easily go down as the happiest moment in all his eighteen years of existence. It surprises even him, because when he runs across the stage to wrap his arms around Minho, the exaltment he feels truly exceeds any other emotion he’s felt before; it’s even more powerful than any feeling Jisung has ever anticipated feeling.

It makes him want to scream, so he does just that - right there on stage as all nine of them hug and pounce on each other, none of them able to hold back from expressing the pure joy that’s taken over all of them.

Later that night, when they get back to the dorm, they celebrate by toasting Coca-cola - a drink which they have too much of, thanks to the endorsement deal that their company has made with the brand. Changbin tries to butter up their manager so that he’d let them at least share one bottle of soju or beer amongst nine of them, but the idea is quickly shot down, much to everyone's disappointment. Well, except Chan, who looks strangely relieved - Jisung imagines that the last thing he wants is to get any of them in trouble, especially right after their debut status has been confirmed.

Despite the initial buzz that the carbonated drink has to offer, they all end up turning in early. The last week has been quite hectic, and both physically and emotionally draining, so it isn't surprising that their collective desire to rest and sleep takes over as soon as they finally can do those things.

Right before dawn breaks, Jisung gets out of bed for a bathroom break. He quickly and quietly does his business, but after he exits the bathroom - fully intent on going back to bed and sleeping in through the morning - he gets distracted by the sound of subtle movement in the kitchen. When he goes and takes a peek, he’s surprised to find Minho there, arms folded across his chest as he stares at a pot of water that's set on top of the stove, presumably waiting for it to boil.

“Hyung?” Jisung calls out, only for Minho to to flinch and practically jump in surprise. The sight has Jisung snickering - it’s not always that one catches Lee Minho off guard.

“Why the fuck are you sneaking around?!” Minho berates him, right before he starts tearing open two packets of ramyeon that were sitting on the counter.

“I wasn’t—” Jisung argues, laughing. He’s fully awake now, and curious about what the older boy is up to. “Hyung, you’re going to be bloated in the morning if you eat all that now,” he says, walking over and resting his chin on Minho’s shoulder as he watches the latter empty the seasoning packets into the boiling water.

“Talk like that and I won’t share with you,” Minho warns him.

Jisung laughs some more, and shakes his head. “Noooo, hyung, I want some too—” he declares, pouting. “Let me be bloated with you. We can be ramyeon pigs together.”

Minho snorts. “Well, if you put it that way, how can I refuse?!” He gently elbows Jisung's stomach, which causes the latter to grin as his arms slide around Minho’s midsection.

They're both quiet as Minho puts the noodles in the broth, Jisung just watching and quietly inhaling the delicious scent of MSG. “Hyung?” He whispers suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“We’re really doing this together.”

“What?” Minho laughs. “Eating unhealthy ramyeon at 3 in the morning?”

“No!” Jisung whines, lightly slapping Minho on the shoulder just because he can. “I meant debut— we’re really going to debut together.”

Minho smiles; he mixes the contents of the pot with a pair of metal chopsticks before quickly turning the stove off not even two minutes after he’d put the noodles in - both of them like their ramyeon on the firm side. “I know,” he agrees, turning his head to the side so he can give Jisung a smile.

“I’m happy we’re doing it together, hyung.”

“Me too.”

They're both just standing there, exchanging silly grins, when they should probably be taking the ramyeon pot off the stove, already.

“I’m glad it's all nine of us,” Jisung continues, and this time it sounds like he’s a little bit in awe of his proclamation, like he can't believe how genuinely and truly he means his own words.

Minho laughs.

“I don't doubt it, Jisungie, I really don't.”

The path to their actual debut is even more hectic than what Jisung - what any of the members, really - anticipated. Management had decided that it would be good to market them as self-produced idols, which, at first, makes Jisung practically burst at the seams with overflowing pride.

But then it becomes apparent that management still has complete veto power with regards to what actually makes the final cut, and he deflates a little. They get collaborators working on melodies with them, rearranging their beats, and Jisung slowly starts to feel more and more humbled.

Still - at the end of the day, his goal of so many years is completely within reach, so he strives to work harder. He and Changbin start having nights as sleepless as their leader’s, because even though Chan insists that the two of them need their sleep (ridiculous, because so does he, but he never mentions that) they all know that their efforts are key to the entire group’s success.

It would have been fine, probably - 3RACHA has had their fair share of sleepless nights before, mostly weeks leading up to their mixtape releases. The difference this time, however, is that management has decided that it would be good to get their name out there, that a little predebut promotion would help get them more fans, and would ensure that the fans they did gain during their survival show wouldn't be bored and leave them while waiting. So they do it all - even though they’re glorified trainees at most, they have fansigns, and they release all kinds of content. They even film short reality content for VLIVE, and they actually perform a couple of songs on M! Countdown.

It’s so tiring, and hectic, and Jisung is tired as fuck, but at the same time he feels so good. Jisung really is the type of person who shines brightest when he’s doing a lot.

He can almost say things are perfect, except— they're not.

Things are still tense between him and Hyunjin; they don't fight as much as they used to - in fact, they don't really, at all, because they mostly just tiptoe around each other’s presence, especially when the cameras off. It’s a problem because the group is together almost 24/7 these days, between living together and eating together and rehearsing together. Even in practice, they do the bare minimum of acknowledging each other, and as much as everyone else tries to accommodate-slash-ignore their ongoing silent feud, it still throws off their group chemistry.

But then rumors about Hyunjin surface shortly before they're set to officially debut. Jisung doesn't read about them himself, but Jeongin shows them to him - all kinds of nasty words written about Hyunjin on the internet that even Jisung, who is nowhere near Hyunjin’s biggest fan, feels sick. (“Has he read these?” He asked Jeongin, who simply shrugged in response; the worried pity in his eyes gave Jisung the answer he wanted to know anyway.)

He wants to talk to Hyunjin, maybe tell him that even he knows he isn't the kind of person those rumors are claiming him to be, but his own pride chokes him up. So he thinks, whatever, because Hyunjin probably has enough people reassuring him of his princely greatness anyway.

And then it happens on the night before Hyunjin’s birthday; Jisung gets back from working on music at the studio with Changbin and Chan, and he’s tired so he just wants to throw himself onto his bed, except when he gets to the threshold of his room, he finds that the door is open a tiny crack. Inside, he easily catches a glimpse of Seungmin and Hyunjin - unsurprising, considering they're his roommates, except Hyunjin is huddled closed against Seungmin’s side as soft sobs visibly wrack his entire body. Seungmin, on his part, just sits there, rubbing Hyunjin’s back for comfort without saying anything.

It feels like a very intimate scene, and Jisung is embarrassed to be witness to it, so he turns on his heel. He figures he can crash on someone else’s bed for a few hours - Minho’s, maybe. Before he can step away completely, he hears Hyunjin suddenly speak up - his voice is soft, broken because he’s talking in between sniffs and sobs. Jisung thinks that maybe he shouldn't be hearing any of what Hyunjin is saying; they're thoughts and feelings that he's sharing privately with his best friend after all. It's too late, obviously, because now Jisung is privy to Hyunjin’s deepest insecurities and it makes his heart hurt.

“Jisungie—?” It’s Minho, standing a few feet away, obviously having just gotten back to the dorm himself. He’s giving Jisung a worried look, to which he can only smile awkwardly in response, before placing his index fingers against his lips as a gesture for the older boy to stay quiet.

This is when Minho looks past Jisung, and presumably also catches a glimpse of whatever it is that's going on in the room Jisung shares with the other two. “Oh,” he murmurs, before nodding at Jisung in acknowledgment. And then he reaches out, taking Jisung’s hand in his, and he leads him away. “Come on,” he says. “Let's get some air.”

Minho doesn't say anything even after they exit their apartment building; he doesn't really let Jisung’s hand go either as they walk together. Jisung doesn't really know where they're headed, and simply lets Minho lead until they arrive at the convenience store down the street.

“Hyung, I feel bad,” Jisung suddenly shares while Minho is indecisively picking between snacks. “I never realised that Hyunjin was carrying all that baggage— I never realised how much what everyone says weighs on him.”

Minho places the bag of chocolate biscuits he’d been eyeing back on the shelf, and then he turns to face Jisung. “Isn't that how it is for everyone, though?”

Jisung sighs. “I mean— yeah. Of course we all take into consideration what other people say, hyung. But— well, with you and me, we use negativity to spur us forward, yeah?”

“You and me?” Minho laughs. “You think I’m invincible to criticism like you are?”

“Hyung—” Jisung whines. “You know what I mean!”

Minho simply chuckles and gestures for Jisung to go on, because despite his teasing, of course he knows and understands what Jisung is talking about. This is one of the things that Jisung likes about talking to Minho - he never has to explain himself, because Minho always just gets him.

He sighs. “Hyunjin just really takes everything to heart, and negativity pushes him down instead of pushing him forward—” Jisung grimaces; a month ago, he would have considered Hyunjin weak for that, but these days, especially after he’s been witness to both Minho and Felix practically claw their way back into the group, he’s starting to realise that strength comes in different  forms. The fact that Hyunjin is still working so hard despite being ran to the ground by harsh, baseless words coming from people of no importance - that's a kind of strength of its own. “Hyung, I just really feel bad that I’ve been adding to his burden all this time.”

“Jisungie—” Minho chuckles and pinches his cheek gently, before making up his mind, and grabbing a bag of cheese puffs off the shelf. “If you feel that way, then you just make it up to him, yeah?”

He makes the solution sound so simple, but for once, Jisung considers that maybe it really is quite so.

When they get back to the dorm, Jisung finds that Seungmin is out in the living room with Felix, language textbooks spread across the coffee table. They seem pretty occupied with whatever they're doing, but Jisung doesn't hesitate to ask them, anyway,

“Hyunjin in the room?”

Seungmin looks up and shoots him a wary glance. “Yeah, but I think he wants to be alone right now.”

Behind him, Minho walks over and gives his lower back a reassuring rub before he drops down on the floor next to Felix.

“Yeah, well—” Jisung shrugs and keeps his eyes on Seungmin. “It’s my room too,” he points out, unable to keep misplaced petulance out of his tone.

Seungmin wrinkles his nose, and he looks like he’s about to say something to argue, but then Minho is tugging at his sleeve, and asking him about something that’s in one of the open textbooks in front of them. Jisung uses the opportunity to excuse himself and duck into the room in question.

“Hyunjin?” He calls out softly. “You awake?”

The only answer he gets is muffled grunting; it makes Jisung feel awkward, but he supposes he’ll never get anywhere if he never makes a move forward.

“Hey, so—” he inhales deeply. “I just want to apologise—”

More muffled grunts, but this time there’s a hint of confusion in them.

“You know. For everything,” Jisung mumbles; he shuffles forward until he's standing right in front of Hyunjin’s bed. “You seem to think you aren’t worth much… and I know I haven't really helped make you feel otherwise, but, uh—” he winces, feeling awkward about this apology that probably seems to Hyunjin like it’s coming out of nowhere. “You’re my teammate, Hyunjin, and you’re a very important member of Stray Kids.”

Jisung hears sighing, and then Hyunjin is slowly sitting up, and facing Jisung. “Why are you being nice all of a sudden?” He’s giving Jisung a suspicious look, which makes Jisung feel even more tense.

“Because!” Jisung huffs; his pride is making this hard, so he consciously pushes it away. “I want to be friends. Again. You know— like we were. You don't deserve the kind of lies that are being spread about you.”

Hyunjin actually smiles, or, well, Jisung notices a hint of a smile briefly curve on his lips, and it makes him relax.

“Thanks.” Hyunjin takes a deep breath. “We were good friends for a while weren’t we?”

“Mhm!” Jisung nods and chuckles, leaning over and tapping Hyunjin’s knee so that the latter can move aside and make room for Jisung to sit on the bed with him. “Still remember your mom making breakfast that one time I slept over— she makes such good side dishes, man.”

Hyunjin laughs. “I’ll make sure to tell her that.” He pauses and regards Jisung warily. “Why did we start hating each other?”

Jisung shrugs. “Everyone kept fawning over you,” he grumbles. “It was annoying.”

Hyunjin frowns. “That's not true— you always got praised for your skills, and I always envied that. People always tell me I don't need to do anything because I have my face.”

“Exactly! That’s annoying!”

“Yeah, well it annoyed me too,” Hyunjin shares, his voice dipped in bittersweetness.

“I kinda figured that now,” Jisung admits. “Sorry. I was petty and unreasonable.”

“I’m sorry too, I wasn’t any better,” Hyunjin returns.

“No you weren’t,” Jisung agrees too easily and quickly, and it makes them both laugh. “Water under the bridge?”

Hyunjin nods, echoing, “Water under the bridge.”

“Great.” Jisung flashes a big, wide grin and holds up a plastic bag that he’s been holding the entire time. “Minho-hyung told me I should make it up to you. Sort of. Not in so many words—” He laughs, and offers the plastic bag to Hyunjin; inside is a pack of sheet masks made to look like cute, puppy faces. “So, I figured the first thing to do is get you a birthday gift.”

Hyunjin takes it, and looks inside, only to laugh out loud. “So you got me something from… GS25?!”

“Hey! It’s the thought that counts, you know!”

“Yeah, I guess—” Hyunjin keeps laughing anyway; he sounds better and less burdened compared to how he was just ten minutes earlier though, so Jisung takes it as a win. “Thanks, friend.”

Jisung snorts, and then he nudges Hyunjin’s side. “You’re welcome, friend.”

March 25th, 2018. An unforgettable day because they finally do it - they finally debut. Granted,  Jisung is Han, now, Minho is Lee Know, and Jeongin is I.N. They're all still getting used to referring go each other that way, especially in public, but really, that's so far from the forefront of Jisung’s thoughts.

It’s an amazing feeling, but at the same time, there’s something strange about it.

As happy as Jisung feels, somehow, it still doesn't beat that time when Park Jinyoung told them that all nine of them were officially in this together.

“It’s because actually debuting has nothing on being told that you’re going to be in a team with me,” Minho teases, when Jisung shares these thoughts with him.

They're in Japan for KCON, their first overseas schedule after having officially debuted, and Jisung’s excitement is heightened by the fact that he’s rooming with Minho. They're in their room, just lounging around after having finished whatever they ordered from room service, talking about anything and everything they could think of.

They had started with Jisung asking Minho about his previous experience in Japan, when he was a dancer touring with BTS, and somehow, after all the funny anecdotes (“I got lost, once, with one of my dancer hyungs— and neither of us spoke Japanese well or at all, so after we asked for directions, we ended up even more lost!”) they end up on the topic of their own debut.

“Hyung, please!” Jisung snorts, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at Minho. “I’m being serious here!”

“Did I look like I was joking?” Minho presses his lips together, and stares at Jisung blankly the way he tends to do when the entire group is together, and Minho is bored, or doesn't have much to add to the conversation.

“Hyung—!” Jisung whines, and that’s all it takes for Minho to break his stoic facade and start laughing. The sound, as usual, makes Jisung beam with pride. For some reason, it never gets old, the way Minho laughs, especially when Jisung is the cause for it. It makes him think, though - even if Minho had been joking earlier, that maybe there had been some actual truth to what he said.

Finding out that he was going to debut with Minho - with all nine of them - was a very special moment, especially when you consider that he had almost missed that opportunity.

“Actually— I guess you’re right,” he suddenly confesses to a confused Minho.

“Right?”

“Being told that I was going to officially be in a team with you was a very happy moment,” he explains, grinning cheekily, despite his very even, matter-of-fact tone. “I like having you around, hyung, and it was pretty hard to accept when I thought we weren’t going to be in Stray Kids together. Having you around gives me a sense of relief, because having you around makes me feel like I have someone I can turn to without being judged.”

The playfulness in his tone has been replaced by complete sincerity by the time he finishes speaking; it makes Jisung nervous, especially when he glances towards Minho and finds that the older is just quietly staring at the ceiling.

And then Minho is clearing his throat, and, “You sure about that?” He’s teasing again, implying that he can judge Jisung as much as he wants, but Jisung doesn't mind.

“Yes,” is what he confidently answers. “Our thought processes are the same, that’s how I know!”

Minho chortles. “I feel like I should be insulted by that somehow—”

“But you’re not because you know it's true—” Jisung declares, even childishly sticking his tongue out at Minho for effect.

Minho groans, and then he moves off his bed and onto Jisung’s so he can directly hit the latter with his pillow.

“Abuse!” Jisung calls out, half laughing, half coughing. “I call abuse!”

“Shut up—” Minho squeaks, laughing as he repeatedly hits Jisung’s stomach with a pillow.

“Hyung—! Hyung!” Jisung squirms and struggles, limbs flailing until he somehow manages to wrap both arms and legs around Minho. “I’m telling Chan-hyung on you the next time we have one of those heart to heart meetings!”

The previous week, Woojin has ordered boxes of chicken at midnight because he’d been feeling peckish, diet be damned. Somehow, it was a night when all of 3RACHA, even Chan, had been at home, and someone - Hyunjin, maybe, or Chan, Jisung isn’t sure - had the bright idea that they all sit down in the living room and eat together while unloading all their personal frustrations. It had seemed corny as an idea, especially at the time, and Jisung had kept cracking jokes at first - but then Hyunjin shed tears as he shared his genuine thoughts and feelings, and that had a domino effect on everyone else. Eventually, Jisung had admitted to his own frustrations - had admitted that he often didn’t feel seen or taken seriously by the other members. Minho had quietly sat next to him, holding his hand, while Chan and the others assured him that this wasn't the case. The memory makes him cringe, but at the same time, he has to admit that it was quite therapeutic. He supposes everyone else felt the same, because at the end, everyone - even Minho, who had mostly stayed silent, just nodding and observing and probably taking mental notes on everyone’s issues - had agreed that it would be good for them all of they did that kind of talk circle regularly.

“You gonna cry?” Minho teases, wiggling a bit in order to get Jisung to let go; when the smaller boy finally unwraps his limbs from around Minho, the latter simply collapses next to him, their shoulders touching.

“Yah! What’s wrong about crying!?” Jisung nudges Minho’s side, and then he lets out a quiet exhale. “Hyunjin cried so much at the last one.”

“Hyunjin cries a lot in general,” Minho muses.

“He’s sensitive,” Jisung points out. “It’s not a bad thing.”

Minho chuckles. “I didn’t say it is. It’s not a bad thing at all. Besides, you’re pretty sensitive, too.”

“Huh?”

“I can see through you, Jisung. Remember when you told me that we handle criticism similarly—?” Minho makes a soft, clicking sound with his tongue. “I know what people tell you matter a lot more to you than you let on. You do use the negativity to propel you forward, instead of letting it bog you down, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get affected at all. You get angry, instead of getting sad—” Minho chuckles. “Or you used, to. Not as much, anymore— I’ve been there, though.”

“Hyung—” Jisung’s breath hitches, and he allows his incomplete thought to just trail off as he shifts and rolls onto his side so that he’s facing Minho.

“Hm?”

Even without Minho blatantly admitting it, Jisung knows that the older boy feels the same; this is why he knows he can count on Minho to understand him without him even having to say anything. They have a connection that’s hard to explain with words, but Jisung knows that it’s there because he constantly feels it in the way they interact and spend time together. It’s comfortable, and more than anything else, it helps propel Jisung forward - even more than all the anger and frustration that used to fuel him.

“Thank you,” he says, smiling softly, sweetly, as he hugs Minho’s arm close to his chest.

“Big baby,” Minho returns, laughing, teasing, but Jisung doesn’t mind because he’s pretty sure that’s just Minho-speak for you’re welcome.

Sometimes, Jisung can’t help it when he stares off into space as Chan drones on, relaying plans that management has told him to discuss with the group.

He usually runs ideas past Changbin and him so by the time Chan talks to the whole team, Jisung has already heard most of what he has to say. Putting that into consideration, Jisung reasons he couldn’t be blamed if his attention is easily led astray.

“Jisungie—” Minho is suddenly whispering next to him, his soft voice unexpectedly yet easily pulling Jisung out of his lazy thoughts.

“Huh—?” He turns his head to face only to be surprised by how close Minho's face is to his own. They're practically nose to nose, with Minho's pretty mouth just a couple of centimetres away from his own. One false move, and they'd likely end up liplocked in front of all their bandmates. The proximity catches Jisung off-guard, and even though there’s a quick pause before he manages to react, he still ends up leaning away far too quickly that he almost falls back against Seungmin, who is seated on his other side, with a loud squawk. His reaction has Minho teetering with repressed laughter, and Chan hissing at both of them, clearly not pleased with either of their behavior.

“Jisung, Minho—!” Chan sternly calls out to them. “Is there anything important that you want to add to the conversation?” The sharp edge of his tone is somewhat softened by the exasperation that seeps through. Either way, he’s probably in the right to be ticked off anyway.

“No,” Jisung answers, sitting up straight and ducking his head sheepishly. “Sorry, hyung.” Beside him, Minho only shrugs in response, but just like Jisung, he’s also pulled himself upright.

Chan immediately goes back to talking about whatever it was he was talking about - their first comeback is coming up, so he has a lot of messages that he’s relaying to them from management. Jisung wants to relax, but he can’t because his cheeks and his ears still feel warm from whatever that was Minho tried to pull earlier.

What’s funny is that this isn’t even the first time that the older male has done that; if Jisung were to hazard a guess, he’d say that Minho loves shoving his face close to Jisung’s, loves encroaching on his personal space because it makes Jisung visibly flustered. It’s frustrating, really, especially since Jisung’s heart starts beating erratically every time Minho does it, but what’s even more annoying - or rather, what’s annoyingly perturbing is how Jisung doesn’t hate it when Minho does it, at all.

He thinks maybe it’s a game; Minho is playing with him, and all he has to do is figure out how to beat Minho at it. It’s confusing, but he’ll figure out the rules soon enough because that’s just how Jisung is.

The weight of Minho’s head is suddenly resting on his shoulder, and just like that, his heart rate speeds up again. He swallows quietly, only to realise that Chan has finally adjourned the meeting.

“Hey—” Hyunjin is looking at him and Minho, hand waving in front of Jisung’s face; he wonders how long the taller boy has been trying to get his attention. “Do the two of you want anything from the vending machine down the hall?”

“Cider,” Jisung answers, (unsurprisingly) in unison with Minho who lifts his head off of Jisung’s shoulders.

“Thanks Hyunjin,” Minho chirps, a little too cheerfully for a person who is somewhat injured. And then, once Hyunjin has left the room with Jeongin to get drinks for everyone, while all the other members have busied themselves with other things like stretching in pairs, he turns to Jisung. “Want some help stretching?”

The question has Jisung frowning, and instead of answering, he responds with a question of his own, “How’s your ankle feeling?”

It’s been a week since Minho had his unfortunate fall at the rehearsal for a Music Bank special. He’d landed on his feet wrong after a jump in the choreography, and the doctor has instructed him to take it easy for a week or two.

“That’s the third time you’ve asked today alone, Jisung,” Minho points out, chuckling and shaking his head. “It’s fine! It’s healing well— I’m seeing the doctor again tomorrow, and I’m sure he’ll tell me that I’d be good to go by the time we have to film the music video next week. So don’t you worry your annoyingly cute face about it.” He gently flicks Jisung’s bottom lip with his finger, and this is how Jisung realises that it had been curved downwards in a pout.

He reacts to this with a huff, because he can’t help but worry, anyway. He tells himself that he’d probably be as affected, even if it was someone else on the team not Minho. “Yeah, well, if I were you I’d be using this as an excuse to stay at home and take it easy!”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Minho answers calmly, knowingly, and Jisung can only sigh because they both know Minho is right. If he were the injured party, he’d likely be even more stubborn than Minho. “So— stretching?”

Jisung sighs. “Okay, but not yet—” He swings one arm around Minho’s shoulders and scoots over as close as he can. He stretches his legs out in front of him, and then he beams at Minho. “We can—” he’s about to say they can stretch their toes first, but something cold is suddenly pressed against the back of his neck, causing him to let out a loud and high-pitched, surprised yelp.

“What the f—?!”

Snickering, Seungmin hands him and Minho a can of cider each. “The two of you were looking annoyingly snug,” he comments; Jisung glowers at him, but Minho actually laughs. “Next time just get a damn room.”

Starting from when the physical copies of Mixtape were published, it has become customary for Chan to bring in a few copies of their albums to the practice room as soon as the first press is out. It’s late evening when he does this for ‘I Am WHO,’ but everyone is gathered anyway because their comeback showcase is only a couple of days away, which meant they’ve mostly been holed up in their practice room all day, everyday, for the past week.

“Break time!” Chan announces, a wide grin spread across his face as he shows everyone the copies he has with him.

Jisung and Changbin, who had been breaking down a particular rap verse together before Chan arrived, end up perusing the same copy together. Everyone is collectively oohing and aahing at the photobook, and even teasing each other about the pictures that made the final cut.

As usual, Jisung ends up lingering on Minho’s page longer than he does on everyone else’s; he doesn’t even really notice that he’s doing, not until Changbin nudges him to get his attention. Flustered, he assumes its because the older wants to flip to the next page already, so he moves to do just that, except Changbin stops him by pointing at something on Minho’s page.

“Huh—?” It takes a second for Jisung to realise that Changbin is pointing at his blurb for Minho. “Father of cats?” He laughs, all excited as he gives Changbin a hearty nod. “Hyung! Don’t you remember? They were on Minho-hyung’s pages last album, even— he has two of them, Soonie and Doongie—” At this point, Jisung can practically consider himself an expert on Minho’s pets. Every time the older boy receives an update on them from his mother, he either forwards them to Jisung immediately, or he just shows them to him on his phone because they’re already together. Jisung is all set to relay the history of the cats to Changbin, only to stop short when he realizes that Changbin is giving him a strange look.

“That’s not what I meant,” Changbin says with a snort and a shake of his head; he taps on the page again, and Jisung finally figures out that Changbin was specifically pointing at the line where Jisung says that he matches with Minho very well.

It’s a simple (and pretty factual) line; even a few of the other members have made passing comments before about how he and Minho have a lot in common. Yet, in that moment, with Changbin taking the opportunity to spotlight his personal words about Minho, Jisung feels shy.

“What about it?” He mumbles, pushing Changbin’s hand away from the page so he can finally turn to the next one.

“Nothing.” But it’s clearly not nothing because Changbin is snickering. “I guess the two of you really match well, because he pretty much wrote the same thing about you,” he adds, taking over and flipping through pages until they land on Jisung’s face. “See?” This time, he gestures at the blurb Minho has written for Jisung. “I was there when he turned his blurb in.”

He can only laugh, even as warmth spreads across his cheeks. Truthfully, he’s mentioned it to Minho before; he doesn’t recall where they were, or what they were doing - having a quick dinner somewhere, maybe, in between practice sessions, or maybe it was during one of their usual convenience store runs. He only remembers saying it out loud, because it was in his thoughts, and most of the time, when Jisung is with Minho, and something comes to mind, he doesn’t really bother with his brain to mouth filter.

“We match very, very well, don’t you think?”

Minho had looked at him, partly surprised, partly confused, partly amused, and partly something else that until now Jisung can’t fully figure out what.

“Do we, really?” was all Minho had to say in return.

Jisung had gone on - enthusiastically nodding and going on about how he really does think they fit pretty well despite Minho’s calm and almost lukewarm reaction. He didn’t stop because despite Minho’s words (or lack thereof), the older had maintained an amused smile throughout the entire conversation, and now,

—since we match so well in a lot of things, I really like it.

These are Minho’s words, now immortalized in print, and Jisung can’t help the wide grin that spreads across his cheeks.

“Geez,” Changbin snorts. “Is it really that big a deal?” He’s teasing, and maybe implying something. It’s in his tone, but at that moment Jisung can’t be bothered to try and figure out what that is.

“Whatever, hyung,” he huffs, punctuating his sentence with his tongue out at Changbin like an overgrown child simply wanting to have the last word.

“Hyung, do you believe in soulmates?” Jisung asked Minho this once; as usual, The older’s initial reaction had been a blank stare.

“Well, that depends,” he eventually answered. “How do you define soulmates?”

The return inquiry had Jisung pausing to give it a lot of thought; he’d been bored the previous night, and somehow he had ended up reading a lot on the idea of soulmates. As a concept, it was quite poetic, and he’d stored away some of the knowledge he’d learned, in case they’re one day useful for lyrics.

Hanging out with Minho, for some reason, had made thoughts on the topic resurface.

“Well— different people have different takes on it, I guess,” He shared. “Some people say there are different types of soulmates. Some people say you can have more than one.”

Minho had simply let out a lighthearted chuckle. “That’s why I’m asking for your take, Jisungie.”

“I— I guess I like the idea of having someone you really connect to. That you can find a person who makes you feel so right about yourself, that when you’re together, it’s almost like you’re one and the same. Like together, you’re complete.”

Minho had shrugged in response, like he needed more time to think about it, and that had been that. Jisung didn’t think much of it until the memory easily flashes in his head after he films his Two Kids Room segment (another bright idea from management - to showcase the members’ individual chemistry, they said; Jisung actually kind of likes the idea) with Minho, and he has to quickly write him a letter.

Writing one certainly felt awkward; that isn’t the type of friends he and Minho are. They don't write letters and they don’t openly express affection - at least not with words. Mostly because Minho never does, so Jisung takes his lead. It’s easy, because even when Minho doesn’t say anything, Jisung understands him anyway.

The problem is now he has to actually use words, because this little video is more for their fans than for each other. He wants to be sincere, but he isn’t sure how - he tries to recall what he and Minho just talked about, except they’d treated filming like any other day which mean they’d simply jumped from topic to topic, getting naturally playful at times. Jisung had fun, but that kind of natural ease didn’t really help him feel less awkward about having to come up with something sweet, but short, to write for Minho. And then he recalls that trot song that was playing at Ministop the day before, when the two of them were there to buy some chicken skewers, and he recalls silently thinking to himself that the song made an appropriate BGM for them, all things considered.

You’re my life partner, he writes, borrowing from the lyrics of the song; and then he  suddenly recalls the conversation with Minho about soulmates. Will you be my soulmate in the future, too? He adds, not giving much thought to what he’s writing, or any implication or assumption that might be gleaned from it. This is for Minho, so as usual, Jisung assumes that whatever he means will be properly conveyed.

Even after he reads Minho’s letter response - quit quit quit - he only laughs because as usual he knows that’s not what Minho really means. Wooyoung’s song even plays immediately in his head, and when he sees Minho after that, he sings the song’s chorus loudly and obnoxiously to his face. He gets a groan and a half in response, coupled with a five-second long glare right before Minho breaks into song together with him.

Minho’s never been good with words, but Jisung feels like he understands him anyway, the same way he’s always assumed that Minho understands him.

Jisung’s thoughts have always had a way of jumping around all over the place; he doesn’t get it himself, but he doesn’t allow himself to be bothered by it either. It’s not until a week after they’d filmed for Two Kids Room, not until after they’d held their comeback showcase, that the conversations he had with Minho in that little blue and green room come back and settle with him.

It’s late in the evening, and he’s just scrolling through his phone, reading an update of a webtoon that Jeongin recently recommended to him when he hears Hyunjin, from the bottom bunk, suddenly start softly humming the opening tune to 2PM’s Heartbeat.

Without much thought, Jisung starts humming along, even breaking out into Chansung’s rap part.

“Why do I keep doing such foolish things? I know in my head but why does my heart keep rebelling—”

He suddenly lets out a laugh halfway through the line, and he puts his phone down. From across the room, on his bed, he catches Seungmin give him a weird look.

“What’s funny?” Hyunjin asks, peering at him from below.

“Nothing,” he answers, because he doesn’t really know either. He just remembers laughing with Minho the last time this particular song was in his head. “Nothing,” he repeats, and he picks his phone up again.

Except, his brain has just done that jumping around thing again, and this time he flashes right back to the particular conversation he and Minho were having right before they’d both started reciting the lyrics to a 2PM song.

Shit, he thinks, because Minho’s question from that time suddenly seems less confusing.

But in what way do you like me?

Jisung had been caught up in his thoughts about that day’s dinner, Seungmin’s nagging about his cleaning habits, and the concept of soulmates. Between those jumble of thoughts, and the natural ease he feels around Minho, he hadn’t really delved into the older’s seemingly joking inquiry.

But now the words are looping in his head, forcing him to deal with it and come up with an answer.

And then he realises he’s stupid, because the answer has been obvious all along - what idiot thinks of writing to his teammate, you’re my life partner?

Fuck, he thinks, because just like that it dawns on him. He likes Minho.

He likes likes Minho.

Shit, because it might even be more than that because he likes Minho in the way that makes him feel safe, comfortable - in a way that makes him feel seen, and heard. He likes Minho in the way that the thought of losing him had made him both sad and angry, and he likes Minho in a way that calms him down whenever the going gets too tough. He likes Minho in a way that makes him want to be with him all the time, and in a way that makes him proud whenever Minho laughs or smiles because of him. He likes him in a way that makes his heart feel full just by being together.

Fuck, fuck, fuck—

All things considered, he thinks he might just be in love with Minho.

— fuck.

tbc.