Chapter Text
Rose woke up with a dry throat and sticky skin. It took her a few seconds to get her bearings. They had gone to the beach, on the Azure Coast of France. As a late honeymoon, the Doctor had said, wiggling his ring finger in her direction. It was still enough to make them grin like idiots.
She smiled to herself and then sat up, squinting into the setting sun. Blimey, with all that fresh air, she must have slept all day.
She swallowed, throat feeling like sandpaper. She really needed some water. She pushed herself to her feet and stretched, glancing around the beach. Her eyes roamed over other tourists and couples sprawled out on the sand.
But there was no Doctor.
Rose sighed, idly twisting her wedding ring around on one finger. He’d probably checked on her earlier and then left without disturbing her. She felt a pang, missing him already. They were supposed to be on their honeymoon—fourteen days of non-stop shagging, cuddling, and generally driving everyone else mad with envy or annoyance. And here she was, snoozing on a beach.
She turned around to fetch her stuff and then stopped. Everything was gone—her t-shirt, her towel, her flip-flops. She blinked and then held her hand over her eyes, gaze jumping over the beach. There was no sign of her stuff anywhere.
Well, that was... odd. She couldn't imagine why anyone would make off with her flip-flops. Shrugging, she began to make her way back to the hotel, the cooling sand squishing between her toes. It wasn’t long before she started to feel chilled. She shivered and folded her arms across her chest, beginning to regret throwing on a skimpy two-piece swimsuit. Goosebumps broke out along her arms and she quickened her pace.
She climbed over a small rock cliff (that was weird—she didn’t remember that from her trek out), eyeing the hotel longingly in the distance. The rocks cut into the bottom of her feet and she winced, silently coaxing herself forward. She was almost there.
Then she saw him. The Doctor, standing casually at the bottom of the cliff with his hands shoved into his pockets and his back to her. He stared out at the ocean, gaze fixed on the rapidly setting sun.
Rose’s heart jumped at the sight of him. She hurried down the hill, grinning when she reached his side. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she said, linking her arm through his. “I can’t believe I almost missed this. You should’ve—” woken me she finished silently, words dying when he turned to stare at her with a gaze that stopped her cold.
He looked at her like she was a ghost. Her eyes took in his face—younger yet somehow more haunted than it had been that morning. Her gaze drifted lower and she felt her heart stutter. Brown. He was wearing brown. A brown suit she hadn’t seen since… since…
“Oh god,” Rose whispered, releasing him like he might burn her. She staggered backwards, feet scrabbling for purchase on the rough sand. “Oh my god.”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It had been five years since she’d seen him, and she had never quite forgotten what it felt like when he turned his back and left without saying goodbye.
His disbelieving eyes roamed over her face before dropping lower, taking in her skimpy swimsuit and bare feet. He swallowed and opened his mouth before closing it again, looking stunned. Then his eyes snapped to the band on her finger. His eyes darkened with something she couldn’t read.
When he spoke again, she barely recognized him. “TARDIS. Now.”
She swallowed and nodded, throat closing up. She didn’t know what to say. It was the Doctor, but not hers anymore. She had no bloody clue where to even begin.
“I mean it,” he said again. “Whatever brought you here has the power to bring down the walls between universes. And that can’t be good.”
He settled his hands on her shoulders, steering her forward. His fingers brushed against her bare shoulders and the skimpy straps of her swimsuit. His breath hitched and he abruptly drew his hands back.
“This way,” he said instead.
***
The TARDIS was only a short walk away, but Rose was freezing by the time they got there. The Doctor hurriedly turned the key in the lock and the doors creaked open. He ushered her inside, doing his best not to touch her.
It was darker in the console room than Rose remembered. Shivering, she sunk down into the pilot’s chair, arms wrapped around her waist.
The Doctor barely seemed to notice of her. He headed straight for the console and started hitting buttons, hooking on his glasses and muttering to himself.
She should be helping him, she thought. But she couldn’t bring herself to move. Having him treat her like a stranger, an unwanted stranger, bought back a fresh wave of pain she thought she’d moved past a long time ago. She pressed her palms to her eyes, holding back tears.
She didn’t want him to see her cry. She took a few deep, controlling breaths. He’d help her get back home—of course he would. Maybe it would be better for both of them if it happened quickly.
She glanced around the console room and spied his coat, hanging by the door on a hook. She felt a pang—she missed that coat. Quietly, she rose to her feet, careful not to get in the Doctor’s way.
“A multisulpher loop feed?” she heard him mutter. “No, no, no… that can’t be right.”
She reached for the coat, pulling it off the hook. Then she returned to the pilot’s seat, wrapping it around her shoulders and burying into it.
She sighed. Better. Much, much better. It smelled like him—like she was home.
“Aha!” the Doctor cried. “It’s a rift. Just one, off the Azure Coast of France. Fancy that.” He turned around, speaking excitedly. “It’s more like a tear, really. That’s why I didn’t notice it. It’s like… like a thread beginning to unravel. One little tear doesn’t matter, not really, but pull on the whole thing, and…”
He stopped abruptly, having got a good look at her. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down and he suddenly he looked young and vulnerable. “You’re wearing my coat.”
Rose blushed. “I was cold.”
“You should have said something,” he said gruffly. He spun back around and turned a knob on the console. Right away, Rose could feel the temperature begin to rise.
“Thanks,” she said.
He turned back around, not quite looking at her. Rose shifted uncomfortably, feeling again like she wasn’t welcome.
She stood up and shrugged off the coat. The Doctor’s eyes darted over to her, just in time to get an eyeful of… just about everything. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“On second thought,” he said, “keep it on. Yours was definitely the right idea.”
“Okay,” Rose said, trying to ignore the catch in her voice. She sat back down.
The Doctor returned to the console. “I should be able to get you back and close the rift behind you. It won’t happen again.”
“Doctor?”
He stilled. “What is it?”
“Why won’t you look at me?”
He turned around, hands shoved into his pockets and his face an unreadable mask. “I’m sorry?”
“We haven’t seen each other in years, and I know you’ve probably had loads of other travelling companions and adventures and—” she couldn’t quite make herself say moved on. She swallowed. “But it’s me. And you won’t even… you won’t even look at me.”
She was trying hard not to cry, but all she could think about was that last time he ran towards her like his life depended on it—like she was the only thing in the universe that mattered. Now it felt like… like he was doing his best to make her disappear.
“Rose,” he said, and he flinched at her name like he was drudging up a long-buried and painful memory. “It’s not that I…” He took a breath and then said, “It’s because it hurts.”
“Oh,” she whispered. Her eyes darted around the TARDIS, really taking in the darkened corners and empty hallways for the first time. “You’re on your own?” He nodded and leaned back against the console, faraway look in his eyes. She pressed on, “There hasn’t been anyone?”
His gaze snapped back to hers, and now it was like he couldn’t stop looking at her. He considered her carefully. “Well, people here and there, I suppose. But no, not in the way you mean. Not since Donna.”
It felt like a fist was squeezing her heart. She couldn’t stop her next question, “Then why’d you send me away?”
She knew it was selfish of her to ask when she had her own Doctor in her universe back home. But she had never been able to let go of the fear that he’d left her behind because he wanted to get rid of her.
He pushed himself off the console, shifting back and forth from one leg to the other. “Aren’t you happy?” His eyes drifted momentarily to her wedding ring before fixing back on her face.
Rose blinked. “Well, yeah, but…”
The Doctor shrugged and mustered up a small smile.
Rose sighed. How could she explain that part of being happy was knowing the person you loved most wasn’t miserable and on his own?
“Rose,” he said, and his voice was gentle now. “We need to go to the infirmary and figure out what’s happened to you.”
“I thought you said that it was a… a what did you call it? Multigrain loop feed.”
“Multisulphur,” the Doctor corrected. “That’s sort of… the residue left behind. The stuff that lets us know there’s a tear between worlds.”
“Void stuff?”
He smiled, and for a second it felt like it could be any ordinary day—the two of them, the Doctor and Rose, sitting around in a posh Torchwood office and discussing the latest alien invasion about to hit London.
“Exactly,” said the Doctor. “Still—” he pushed himself off the console and jerked his head towards the corridor. “It doesn’t explain what happened to you.”
Right, Rose remembered, with a flush. This wasn’t her Doctor, and it wasn’t her universe—not anymore.
The Doctor caught the look on her face. “I’ll sort it out, Rose. Whatever’s happened to you.”
Then without taking her hand, without so much as pausing to make sure she was following, he set off towards the infirmary.
Rose flexed her empty fingers and then followed him.
****
Two hours.
Two hours he prodded at her, mumbling vaguely under his breath and seeming to pull a new piece of equipment out of the TARDIS every time she blinked.
They barely talked, which suited Rose just fine. It was a lot to take in, being back in the TARDIS with this man—with the Doctor who turned around and left her behind. Oh, she’d tried to understand his reasons for it. She’d get older; he wouldn’t. The other Doctor could go back to her world and give her a real relationship for the rest of her life; he couldn’t.
All those things, though… the house and having someone to grow older with, they had never mattered to her. Not if it meant being without him.
She chanced a glance at him. He had his glasses on and waved a flashing piece of equipment up and down her side. Thing was… it had mattered to him. And he’d seen a version of himself who could do all those things and be those things for her. So he turned and ran away without looking back.
Until now.
“So—” she said, breaking the silence, “saved any worlds lately?”
A smile tugged at his mouth. “Several, in fact.” There was a pause. “You?”
“Just the one,” Rose said.
“Bet you’re brilliant at it, though,” said the Doctor. “Hold on, this is going to prick.”
Rose winced at the sudden, sharp jab in her arm and the Doctor pulled the blinking red thing in front of his face. He made a “hmm” noise and then frowned, his expression darkening.
Rose felt her heart rate speed up. “Doctor?”
There was no response. He continued to stare at the blinking light, his jaw tightening.
“What’s it say?” Rose pressed.
The Doctor slowly lowered the device and then turned and threw it against the wall. It hit the wall with a smash before crashing to the floor and shattering into pieces.
Rose jumped, her gaze snapping from the device to the Doctor. He was standing in the middle of the infirmary, his hands in his pockets, and his eyes fixed on her with a terrible look.
She said the first thing that popped into her head. “Oh my god. I’m stuck here.”
He stared at her, his mouth opening slightly. It would have been comical if the situation hadn’t been so dire. “What?”
“I’ll never see him again,” Rose whispered, glancing down at her ring and her heart giving a painful tug in her chest. He wouldn’t even know what happened. Or worse—he would and think that she abandoned him. What would he tell her Mum? And Tony?
She pressed one hand to her mouth, beginning to feel dizzy. Her wedding ring slid against her lip. It was cold and she tasted copper in her mouth.
“No, Rose, no,” said the Doctor’s voice. She glanced up. He was pacing back and forth and one of his hands fisted agitatedly in his hair. “It’s not that. You can go home.”
“Then what?” she said. “What did it say?”
“Exactly what everything else said. And I did look, Rose. I tried four different tests—I tried for two hours and they all said exactly the same thing.”
“Said what?” Rose asked. He continued to pace, tugging at his hair. “Oh, for the love of… DOCTOR!”
He came to a sudden stop and she hopped off the infirmary bed. She grabbed his arm and led him over to her, making him sit down next to her. Then she turned and took both his hands in hers. He glanced down at her hands in surprise and then up at her face.
Rose licked her lips and kept her voice level. “Tell me what the tests said. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it. Together.”
She squeezed his hands. He managed a strained smile and squeezed back.
He took a deep breath. “The reality bomb was destruction on a massive scale. The universe can’t just recover from it overnight. It left behind weak spots between the worlds. Just… tiny pockets. Insignificant, invisible—the TARDIS wouldn’t be able to navigate through them. Not without a huge power source, anyway. And you’d have to find them first. Impossible.”
“Then how’d I get through?”
He looked at her intently, gaze sweeping over her face. His voice was soft when he continued, “Because you, Rose Tyler, you’re covered in void stuff. You’ve been back and forth between parallel worlds more than anyone else in this entire universe, I reckon.”
Rose blushed. “I was looking for you.”
“And you were helping Donna.”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“How many trips did you make?” he said, suddenly serious. “How many, Rose?”
“I… I dunno, I lost count, I suppose.” She paused. “Why does that matter?”
He sighed and raked a hand through his hair again. “You’re like the grease in a rusted clog. A hamster in a tube. A nail in a hole. A—”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” she said. “What you’re saying is, the universe is so used to me crossing between worlds, I just sort of… what? Fell through?”
“Exactly,” the Doctor said. “Right through a tear in the Azure Coast of France, Earth, 2014. There was a me on your world, a me here… the universe’s way of compensating, maybe.”
Rose’s head began to spin. “Then… then all we have to do is go back there, yeah? And I can go through again?” He looked away from her. “Doctor?”
“You’re covered in void stuff, Rose,” he said and something in his voice broke her heart. “Background radiation, you called it once.”
She felt tears beginning to prick at her eyes. She clutched at his hands, unconsciously moving closer to him. “What’s that mean? Tell me.”
“Your cells are breaking down,” he said. “Degenerating. A little bit at a time. Your body is trying to fight back, of course, but it’s a losing battle. And in the time being, you’ll grow weaker and weaker until one day…”
“I shut down,” Rose whispered. The Doctor clenched his jaw and nodded, still not looking at her. She pulled her hands out of his grip and folded them on her lap, squeezing them between her knees. She forced herself to ask the next question. “How long have I got?”
“A year, maybe,” the Doctor said heavily. “A few months, more likely.”
A few months, Rose thought, stomach clenching. She felt a cry rising in her throat and she pressed her hand to her mouth, holding it back. She squeezed her eyes shut and listened intently—listened for the steady pounding of her own heart. Thump, thump, thump.
“You haven’t noticed anything different recently?” the Doctor said. “No changes?”
Rose shook her head, and then sat up straighter. “I’ve been sleeping a lot. I thought it was because of the fresh air, and we were on our honeymoon… oh, god.”
Without thinking about it, she pressed up against him. The Doctor stiffened, but then relaxed, his arms going around her. He pulled her closer, his chin coming to rest on the top of her head.
Rose slowly felt herself relax. He smelled and felt right—the shape of his chest, his hands on her back. But there were differences, too. She could feel two hearts pounding against her ear and he was skinnier than her Doctor was.
She took a few more calming breaths and then pulled away. All right, she could do this. She’d been in plenty of worse situations before. They had months to figure this out.
The Doctor was looking even more haggard than before. “There’s nothing I can do to stop it,” he said. His fingers clenched into fists at his sides. “The void stuff will just eat and eat until…”
He bowed his head and went very, very quiet and very, very still.
Rose felt one tear slip down her cheek. She knew the Doctor loved her—but she had doubted that he could love her this much, still, after so much time had passed.
Her thoughts drifted to her Doctor, probably half out of his mind with worry by now. Another tear slipped down her cheek. How could she tell him? He’d have nothing left once she was gone. No TARDIS, no time travelling—just his half-human, mortal life. And he’d have to stand back and watch as she slipped away, unable to do anything.
For a second, she contemplated asking to stay with the Doctor on the TARDIS. He would go on after she was gone, she was sure of it. And she could save her Doctor from the pain of watching her die.
Then the second passed and she straightened her shoulders, glancing down at her wedding ring. For better or worse, she thought.
She hopped off the infirmary bed and then crouched down to look the Doctor in the eyes. She placed one hand on his cheek. “It’s not your fault, Doctor. You didn’t know. And even if…” she swallowed. “I would have still come back. Always.”
He raised his gaze to hers and Rose could tell he still blamed himself. “I’ll find a way to stop it,” he said. “Whatever’s happening, I’ll stop it. I promise.”
“I know,” Rose said, and knew she was lying, knew the Doctor’s promises didn’t always count for much.
Then she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He didn’t react at first, but then he leaned into her kiss, one of his hands coming to rest on her back. She let her hand drift from his face to his cheek to his hair. His tongue flicked out, sweeping against her bottom lip, and he pulled her closer. Rose leaned against his knees, drawing the kiss out.
Finally, they pulled away. The Doctor kept his eyes closed, breathing hard. Rose touched one hand to her lips, smiling against her fingers.
“I’ve always wanted to do that,” she said. “All those years we spent in the TARDIS travelling…”
He managed the faintest of smiles. “Me, too.”
Rose felt a giddy flush rise to her cheeks. The Doctor reached for her hand. One of his fingers swept over her wedding ring and Rose felt her heart-rate speed up, but he only said, “It’s beautiful. Suits you.”
“Yeah? You picked it.”
“Of course I did,” he said with a smirk. Then he turned serious again. “Rose—”
“Doctor,” she interrupted. “I need you to take me back. You said you could, yeah? I need… I need to be with him.”
He looked surprised and Rose could tell that he hadn’t been expecting that. He dropped her hand and sprang to his feet. “Right,” he said, combing back his dishevelled hair. He managed a tight smile. “Let’s get you home.”