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After a very long car ride in which Andrew sat grumpily with his arms crossed over his chest, Neil turned into what looked like an open field.
Andrew was only grumpy during the ride because Neil refused to tell him where they were going. He didn’t know what to mentally prepare for. Would there be a lot of people? Would he have to talk to anyone? Would he have to pretend to like whatever fancy food was in front of him until he could get dessert? The not knowing made him insane because the last thing wanted to do was fuck this up and he did not feel ready for whatever it was.
But he was especially not ready for an open field.
“Listen, if you’re going to murder me and dump my body,” Andrew held up two fingers. “One, there are literally hundreds of other places near campus to do this and two, good fucking luck I’ll kill you first.”
Neil tilted his head back and let out a surprised laugh. Andrew watch his neck stretch and his Adams apple bob and reached out to run a hand through Neil’s hair to get him to turn his head.
“No, Andrew. I’m not going to kill you. I would miss you too much,” Andrew rolled his eyes at the same time his stomach did that weird flip it did sometimes when Neil was around.
“We’re going to watch the stars. Here, I have a blanket,” Neil reached into the back seat and pulled one out.
“So…we’re doing the exact thing we could be doing on the roof? No fancy restaurant? No movie?”
“You can’t see the stars like this from the roof! I also brought dinner. See,” Neil reached back again and this time pulled out a thermal bag filled with god knew what but Andrew hoped it was ice cream. “A fancy restaurant isn’t very…us is it? And I want to talk to you so a movie was out.
“Again, we could do this on the roof. But sure, whatever let’s go.”
Neil just smiled and gathered everything he needed before getting out of the car. They picked a spot near the middle of the field and Neil spread out the blanket. There was enough moonlight that they could just see around them, but Neil still pulled out a small lantern to give them some extra light. Andrew plopped down on the blanket and reached for the bag.
“No!” Neil said snatching it from him. “That’s my job tonight.”
Andrew relented and tried to hide his amusement. He would kill himself before he ever said it out loud, but Neil was fucking adorable.
Neil started pulling items out of the bag. “First, because I know it’s your favorite, club sandwiches from the diner near campus. No mustard, no mayo. Salt and vinegar chips because you are filled with piss and vinegar and you’re nothing if not on brand. Water because for some reason you will eat your weight in sugar but refuse to drink soda. And…for dessert,” Neil reached to the bottom of the bag as slow as he possibly could while watching Andrew. “Chocolate cake with a cheesecake center and enough frosting to choke an elephant.” He watched Andrew’s reaction with bright eyes and a hopeful smile.
Andrew just looked. He couldn’t not look. Neil looked so damn expectant and excited and Andrew wanted to exclaim and smile and clap like he knew Nicky would. But he couldn’t find it in himself and he knew Neil would never expect or ask it of him. So instead he reached out a hand and put it to the side of Neil’s face. He leaned in for a kiss and when he pulled away he said, “I’m only full of piss and vinegar because I have to deal with your mouth every single day.”
Neil grinned wider. “Do you want me to show you what I can do with this mouth?”
Andrew tightened his grip on Neil’s face before letting go. “Food first. Then I’ll think about it.”
“Sounds like a reasonable plan,” Neil said seriously before divvying out the food.
They talked while they ate, and Andrew learned things about Neil he didn’t know. He had a pet rabbit as a kid named Pete, but he had to let it go because he was afraid his father would kill it as a punishment. He went to school as a child, but his father pulled him out and forced him to home school when his teachers started asking questions. Every Christmas in Baltimore, he and his mother would sneak outside at midnight and look up in the sky to see if they could spot Santa. Even when Neil stopped believing in Santa, they would go outside in the quiet and look up at the sky and Neil would wish for escape instead.
Andrew in turn told him about the alley he would hide in during one of his foster home stays and the stray cat he found and would feed so it would keep coming around. He told Neil about being the best reader in his class every year and how he even won some awards. Andrew told him how he never had a real Christmas until Cass’s house, and how it was equal parts wonderful and terrifying with Drake sitting next to him.
They weren’t happy truths, most of the time. But they were honest, and they were what shaped them both. They were words they had not said to anyone else and would not say to anyone else. They were gifts, given and taken and neither of them failed to see the significance.
After they finished eating and Andrew inhaled the cake, they laid back on the blanket to watch the stars. Andrew could silently admit that Neil was right. The stars were never this bright on campus. They winked and glowed and if Andrew stared hard enough, he could pretend they were the last two people in the universe. They were the only people here, at any rate. He reached over and laced his fingers together with Neil's.
“This was good,” He said. Because that was okay. He could admit that much and not have Neil laugh at him or throw it in his face.
“I’m glad you liked it,” Neil said quietly.
They laid like that for a long time. Just silently staring at the stars and listening to each other breathe. Andrew didn’t know what he had been so nervous about. This was Neil and Neil understood and was careful and did not push. Neil was his.
Andrew tugged Neil’s hand until he got the hint and scooted closer to Andrew and laid his head on Andrew’s chest. Andrew ran fingers through the auburn curls and breathed in the scent of Neil’s shampoo and wished for just a minute - just a second really - that they could stay here. Here in the quiet, it felt like nothing could reach them. Nothing could break this barrier around them built of trust and truths. But that was not the real world and sooner or later they’d have to go back.
That was okay, too. As long as they went back together.
Neil gasped at the same time Andrew saw it, “Did you just see that shooting star?! Oh my god I’ve never seen one! Quick, make a wish!”
So, Andrew squeezed Neil tighter and closed his eyes and remembered to breathe and he wished.
‘Forever.’