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“This is just stupid, it won’t work,” Sooyoung sighed for the fourth time in the past hour, staring intensely at the hung leaves on the top of the door frame that led to the bedroom. It hadn’t been her idea in the first place, Yerim had jokingly suggested it and at this point, Sooyoung was desperate.
Sooyoung didn’t like using the term desperate, she preferred losing hope but her friends seem to have different opinions. Her small infatuation for the small but bubbly girl that knocked on her door with a plate of cookies in her hand and a bright, “Hi I’m Jiwoo, I saw your roommate ad online?” three years ago developed into an agonising, and seemingly unrequited crush Sooyoung held. (And there’s no chance any feelings will be leaving if Jiwoo keeps placing smiley face stickers and encouraging notes on Sooyoung’s textbooks.)
It wasn’t hard to fall for the girl who seemed to make these adorable noises whenever she was surprised, or drop everything when a dog was nearby, or love holding hands whenever the chance arose. It was pretty damn easy.
Anyone miles away could see Sooyoung was enamoured with the girl. Her friends knew she had little to no control when the other girl was around. Sooyoung had heard, “You both act like a married couple and you’re already living together, why not just ask her out?” various times from her friend group.
The thing is, she has. In fact, she has tried to confess a total of 3 times this year. Jiwoo just wasn’t…. the most aware of these confessions.
I
The first time happened when the two girls were baking a cake for Jiwoo’s friend Jungeun, four months into them rooming together. The first two months consisted of the two girls quickly becoming best friends, introducing each other and incidentally, Sooyoung’s initial thoughts of, ‘wow, she’s pretty.’ grew to ‘my roommate is the most precious girl on the planet when will she let me kiss her breathless and hold her hand.’ Through late night talks, wine drunk conversations and cafe outings, Sooyoung learnt her roommate was the most beautiful and innocent girl to exist. She may have once described the younger girl as “an angel to pure for heaven she was told to leave because she was making all the other angels jealous with her beauty and kindness” to Chaewon over the phone. Sooyoung couldn’t imagine ever having her infatuation returned but her friends had insisted there was chemistry between the two.
So that's how she found herself asking her roommate out (unknowingly for the first of many times). The two girls were preparing a birthday cake for Jiwoo’s best friend since high school. However, neither girl was any good at baking (Sooyoung suggested just buying a cake but Jiwoo insisted on baking “the greatest most delicious cake ever” and what was Sooyoung meant to do, say no?), resulting the process to be a complete mess, flour on the walls and eggshells in the cake batter. Jiwoo had smeared cake batter onto Sooyoung’s cheek, laughing loudly and brightly. Sooyoung retaliated by blowing flour towards the other’s face, initiating a small food war.
Jiwoo’s bright smile and the way she would bend forward with laughter, her cheek full and round made the words fall out of Sooyoung’s mouth without meaning to. Sooyoung felt her heart stop for a full second as her mind ran thousands of excuses for why she said, “Do you want to go out?”. She prepared herself for Jiwoo’s awkward laughter and kindly let her down but instead Jiwoo gave her a confused look and shrugged. She wiped her flour-covered hands on her apron and smiled brightly, a happy “sure!” causing Sooyoung’s eyes to widen. She didn’t get to utter a word before the younger girl walked out of the room, leaving the older one confused. Sooyoung’s thoughts over how easy it seemed to be to confess were cut short when Jiwoo walked back in the room engulfed in a large, red, padded jacket, zipped up to her chin and a scarf in her hand.
“Where uh- are you going?” Sooyoung asked, eyeing the cake she had just put into the oven and back at her adorable roommate. Jiwoo raised her eyebrows and placed the scarf around her neck, fastening it warmly against her.
“You wanted to go out, didn’t you?,” Jiwoo gave her a warm smile. Oh. Sooyoung knew the younger wasn’t always the most aware and her confession had been half-assed so she went along with it. “I’m not sure why considering it’s fallen to the negative degrees and it’s snowing— you hate snow.” And she does, but watching Jiwoo build a snowwoman in front of their apartment building and call Sooyoung’s attention after every snow angel she makes is worth it. It’s worth the slight cold she develops, worth the failed confession and worth the burnt cake left in their oven. They ended up buying a store bought cake and passing it off as their own.
II
The second time Sooyoung tried to confess to the painfully oblivious girl was in a moonlight cinema. Jiwoo had bought two tickets to watch a romantic comedy called ‘Loon’ in (what Sooyoung believes to be) a romantic cinema. She could’ve brought Haseul along who loves RomComs, or Yerim who usually accompanies Jiwoo on her adventures. Instead, she came home to Sooyoung with two tickets in her hand and a shining smile that could convince Sooyoung to skydive without a parachute. (She might be desperate.)
She didn’t want to get her hopes up over this pathetic crush but it all felt very date-like. Sooyoung had watched enough of those American high school films to know all the right tricks to pull, she was going to confess tonight. Again. They chose to sit in the middle aisle because the back seats were undercover and Sooyoung felt it defeats the purpose of the ‘moonlight’ aspect of the cinema (she definitely didn’t choose those seats because she thought Jiwoo’s eyes shine brighter than all the stars in the universe under the soft moonlight). Midway through the movie, Sooyoung put her plan in action. She mentally prayed her bones didn’t make their usual cracking noises and begun to fake yawn, stretching her arm across the back of Jiwoo’s seat. Before she could call her plan a success and manage to land her hand on the younger girl’s arm, said girl looked at her with a lost look.
“Oh! Do you want to stretch? I’ll move seats so you have more room,” The younger quickly moved herself from (almost) Sooyoung’s grip and sat on the seat next to her previous one. The only thing that kept Sooyoung from groaning aloud was her roommate's bright smile. She quickly shook her hand and cleared her throat, patting the seat Jiwoo occupied previously, “No, no, I’m more comfortable like this,” Sooyoung felt her cheeks heat up as the other girl beamed at her once again and returned back to her seat, now allowing the other girl to place her arm around her and even cuddled into her side more. Sooyoung could smell the strawberry shampoo the other used, mixed with a sweet perfume she usually only wore out to special events. Now Jiwoo was close enough for Sooyoung to confess and hopefully turn her painful crush into a relationship. If only she had it this simple.
After several minutes of working herself up to spit out the words she realised the movie had ended, the credits had begun to roll and in a frantic attempt to complete the date she let out a rushed, “will you be my girlfriend?”
If this was like the movie they just watched, Jiwoo would smile, laugh a little, and say, “Of course!” and it would end with a firework-filled kiss and the audience clapping. Instead, Jiwoo’s phone rang, at the exact time she spat out her proposal. It was as if God was taunting her, seeing how desperate Sooyoung could get. Startled by the call, Jiwoo fell deaf to what Sooyoung had asked and after ending the brief call, she turned back to her with her usual smile.
“Sorry, Haseul just wanted to know if we would be back for dinner, did you say something?” Sooyoung made a mental note to glare at Haseul later and shook her head. Jiwoo gave her a small smile and begun rapid firing her favorite scenes of the movie. Sooyoung just listened to the younger girl, a smile finding itself immediately on her face and Jiwoo’s laugh filled the air when she would talk about a funny scene. As the two walked home, hand in hand, sharing their thoughts on Loon, Sooyoung felt content. Failed confession or not, the night was perfect.
III
A few weeks after the movie incident and a group message (to everyone but Jiwoo) to never their ‘SooWoo’ time, brings us to the third time Sooyoung tries to confess. Sooyoung thinks the idea is a waste of time but Jinsoul swears it’ll work and she had no other options at this point.
Jinsoul’s plan was simple to the average person. “You hang a mistletoe, preferably somewhere accessible, and stand under it. When the other person questions why you’re standing in the same spot for a while, you point up at the mistletoe. The other person laughs, they get closer and boom! fireworks”. It wasn’t the worst plan Sooyoung had been told, she almost considered Hyunjin’s idea of training a dog to speak and get the dog to confess Sooyoung’s undying love but when Hyunjin volunteered to play the part of the dog Sooyoung scraped the entire idea.
So here she was, standing under a mistletoe that she hung strategically above Jiwoo’s bedroom door. Sooyoung had been arguing with herself over whether this was the most idiotic idea Jinsoul had given her and that it would never work when she heard keys clash against each other and the front door unlocking. “Soo- soo I’m home,” Jiwoo’s voice sung out and Sooyoung froze in her spot. Sooyoung cleared her throat and wiped her sweaty palms on her dress, and called out for the younger girl to find her. Sooyoung’s heart jumped to her throat when the other girl entered her field of vision, the shorter girl showcasing the brightest smile with her eyes forming small crescents when they landed on Sooyoung.
“Hi! Sorry I’m so late, snow is starting building up in the streets,” Jiwoo gently pushed Sooyoung to the left so she could enter her room and drop her bag down on the floor. “That’s uh- it’s okay,” Sooyoung felt her nerves returning about the stupid idea when Jiwoo sat on her bed, legs crossed and facing her with a bright smile. She pulled out her phone and begun typing away, presumably at Jungeun’s texts. After a few minutes of Sooyoung standing there awkwardly under the mistletoe and Jiwoo seemingly not noticing, she spoke up again and Sooyoung’s hope rose. Jiwoo glanced up from her phone to Sooyoung and shot her a confused look, arching one eyebrow up, “Is there something you need or do you want to stand there for the rest of the night?” She asked and Sooyoung let out a small breathe. Now or never. She weakly pointed up above her, to the mistletoe, the apple of her cheeks heating up strongly when she watched Jiwoo’s eyes travel up to the mistletoe.
“Why is there green stuff on my door?” Jiwoo looked back at Sooyoung with confusion and slight disgust, eyes still trained on the decoration. Sooyoung felt her face fall. She had to be joking, right? She was just trying to let Sooyoung down easy by pretending she didn’t know what a mistletoe was. Sooyoung suddenly felt an aching pain in her chest and was about to excuse herself to cry in the safety of her room for the next year or until the university called her parents when Jiwoo spoke up again, “So.. are you going to explain to me what that gross booger is doing on my door?” She places her phone face down on the bed and placed all her attention on her roommate, who could only gawk in return. Sooyoung felt her mouth fall open in shock but quickly covered it up with a tight chuckle.
“You’re kidding, right? Because it’s okay, I understand if you don’t see me that way it was Jinsoul’s stupid idea and I didn’t even––” Sooyoung’s rambling was cut off by Jiwoo, a small noise of complete confusion left her mouth. She looked back at the mistletoe and trained her gaze on the small item as if she was trying to fathom it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Soo, what is it and… does it have berries on it?” Jiwoo’s mouth formed a pout in frustration and Sooyoung wanted to screw the mistletoe and kiss the pout away from her lips. Sooyoung sighed softly. She knew this was a bad idea. She thought the younger girl wouldn’t notice but to have her not know what a mistletoe was? She never expected it. Part of her just wants to pretend nothing ever happened and just sleep this terrible day away but Jiwoo looked so frustrated with herself she didn’t want to leave the girl thinking she did something wrong.
“It’s uh…” Sooyoung felt her cheeks heat up again and gain a rosy red colour that almost mimicked her dress, “a mistletoe.” Jiwoo’s eyes held the same confusion as before and Sooyoung groaned. “A mistletoe is where… you know, youstandunderitwithsomeoneandyoukiss” Sooyoung rushed out in one breath but Jiwoo managed to catch each word, eyes widening and her mouth falling into a small ‘o’ shape. Sooyoung once again felt her heart in her throat and was preparing to apologise once again but the younger girl stood up from the bed, as slowly made her way towards the older. Her eyes kept flicking back and forth between Sooyoung’s face and the Christmas ornament.
“I really thought it was a ceiling booger you know,” Jiwoo chuckled once she was close enough to the other girl, a small smile gracing her face that let Sooyoung’s nerves calm for a second. She was always calm with Jiwoo, always felt safe in her presence. She let out a small laugh, looking down at the younger girl. Jiwoo placed her hand out as an invitation for Sooyoung to grab hers and pulled her closer so their bodies bumped into each other gently. Jiwoo placed her other hand on the older girl’s cheek softly, eyes turning into crescents once again before she leaned in and gently pressed her lips against her roommate. It was a short peck, but Sooyoung could taste the sweetness of the younger girls strawberry lip balm. When they pulled apart Jiwoo laughed at Sooyoung’s eyes widen with shock and reached out to grab her other hand.
“How about next time you just ask me to kiss you instead of placing weird leaves and fruits on my door” Jiwoo teased but Sooyoung paid no mind to the remark and pulled her back in for another kiss. She could feel the younger smile into the kiss and Sooyoung decided right there she found her home, and the wait was more than worth it.
"The sweet warmth that leaves me breathless, I think this is the moment right now " - D-1