Chapter Text
Everything is too Loud
It Hurts
Matt can't See and he's so so scared.
Every sound is like a physical blow. The worried voices exclaiming "Oh God he's just a little boy." are surrounding him, pressing in, a heavy weight pinning him to the ground. There's a frantic sound like beating drums in his ears.
Matt can't focus on anything. It's all too much. everything is loud and painful and he can't see.
"You're gonna be ok Matty. You're gonna be ok." Jack is only barely keeping his voice calm while frantically wiping the chemicals from Matt's unseeing eyes.
Everyone's voices are so loud. The wail of sirens are getting too close, stabbing at Matt's eardrums. It's all too much.
Too much noise. Too many smells. Too much pain. It is all too much to take in at once. Matt can't keep up. Matt losses consciousness just before the ambulance arrives.
~ ~ ~ ~
Awareness hits Matt like a ton of bricks. Everything coming at him in waves. First the Smell. The horrible stinging scent of cleaner, sour vomit and sweat, the coppery smell of blood. Next came the sounds. The sounds of crying, why was there so much crying? Voices all talking at once, pain and heartbreak, concern, hope, fighting, laughter, and children's cartoons? There was also the sounds of machines, so many machines. A constant beeping and whirring, chirping and creaking coming from all over. And then the Pain hits. So much pain all over. What's happening? Matt opens his eyes and sees Nothing. Oh God, the truck. He can't See.
Someome is screaming.
Familiar calloused hands are cupping Matts face and fingers are running soothingly through his hair.
"Shhh, shhh Matty it's ok. I'm here. Daddy's here. I got you baby, it's all going to be ok." Oh, Matt was the one who was screaming.
"Matty, you're in the hospital, buddy. I'm here with you, I got you, the doctor is going to tell us everything and you'll be ok." Matt doesn't know if he believes the last part but he wants to. He wants to be ok.
~ ~ ~ ~
Matt's blind now.
That's what the doctor tells them. All his other injuries from the accident will heal just fine but he'll be blind for the rest of his life. The doctor is a nice woman, she tell them how to get into contact with people who can help. Therapists, social workers, Braille tutors, and financial aid. Jack is greatful but Matt is still so scared.
The world doesn't quite down.
~ ~ ~ ~
About a week into Matt's stay in the children's hospital he gets moved into a new room. Room 312. There is another kid in there with him. They are asleep when Matt's brought in. They're snoring. They smelled wrong.
~ ~ ~ ~
Matt's roommate is awake now. They make an excited little noise in their throat when they finally spot Matt.
"Oh! You must be my new roomie. Cool, it was getting boring in here. Hi, I'm Frankie." Frankies voice is quite but friendly, a bit weak but Matt likes it.
"Umm I'm Matt. Matt Murdock." Frankies heartbeat speeds up a bit at Matt's name.
"I read about you in the paper! You saved that old guy, you're a hero!" Frankie sound awestruck, like he's meeting Captain America in the flesh. Like Matt is someone important.
"I'm really not a hero." Matt's face feels hot. He doesn't know how to react. He really really doesn't feel like a hero. He never even wanted to be a hero. He just wanted to do the right thing, and look where that's gotten him. "Anyone would have done it."
"But it wasn't just anyone who saved him. It was you. Saving a life seems pretty heroic to me." Frankie sounds so geuine.
It's . . . nice.
"Why do you have bandages over your eyes? Are you ok?" He sounds so genuinely concerned about Matt. It made something warm bloom in Matts chest.
"The truck I was hit by was carrying some weird chemicals. They spilled and got into my eyes. I'm" Matt's voice waivers and his breath hitches. "I'm Blind now."
"That sucks. You'll be ok though, right? Hey, I can describe our room to you if you want?"
"Yeah, I'll be ok. I think I'd like that."
"Good, good. Ok! Um, our room's not very big. All the walls are like a powder-y blue? Think baby bedroom. We got a medium sized window but I can only see the sky from my bed so I can't say what's outside. Sorry. Uh, we have our own bathroom to the right of the door. It's pretty tiny. Our beds are straight across from each other. Hi. Oh, I just waved. There's a bunch of machines and stuff hooked up to us. We also have tv's but they are mounted to the wall? There's some chairs around and that's everything in here." Frankie sounds a bit out of breath.
"What about you?"
"Huh?"
"You're in here too. Can you tell me what you look like? If you don't mind"
"Oh, uh, sure buddy. I think we'd be the same height standing? And I think we're the same age? Your 9 too, right? Um, my eyes are blue-y green? I have- er, had blonde hair. We had to shave it. Uh, sorry, I'm not really doing a good job of this am I?" Frankie sounds so unsure now and Matt feels guilty about putting him on the spot.
"No, no you're doing fine. Thank you." Matt likes that Frankie is making the effort for him. He seems like a really nice kid.
"I'd offer to go over there and let you feel my face but we're both hooked up to a bunch of machines and getting into my wheelchair by myself is difficult. Also I don't know if face touching is really a first meeting thing?" Frankie laughs a bit awkwardly.
"I'm not really sure either. I don't really know how the face touching thing works yet?" He really doesn't. It'll probably be brought up in occupational therapy. "You have a wheelchair?" Frankie hadn't mentioned it while describing the room.
"Oh yeah this is all new for you huh? Uh, yeah. I'm here for my hip. It's got some kind of cancer in it? I think the doctors called it Ewing's sarcoma or something? I'm staying for chemotherapy." Frankie sounds more subdued now. He obviously doesn't like talking about this.
Something cold seems to wrap around Matt's heart and squeezes.
Cancer. Frankie has cancer. He's just a kid and he has Cancer. Matt had only known one person with cancer in his life. His grandmother. He remembers how sick she was before she died. From cancer, which Frankie has. Matt can't help thinking how unfair it is for someone so young and so kind to be so sick.
As if Frankie can sence where Matt's thoughts are going, or maybe to distract himself, he suddenly changes the subject.
"So Matty! Can I call you Matty? Let's get to know each other! Ya married? Have any kids?" The abrupt change in tone and ridiculous questions manage to startle a laugh out of Matt. It's the first time Matt's laughed since the accident.
"Woefully single I'm afraid." Playing along is nice. "You can call me Matty." He says after a beat.
"Shoulda known. Ya got the look of a heartbreaker, Matty." Frankie sounds like he's barely holding back laughter.
"Well I'm sure a nice fella like you has a lovely wife at home."
"Yep, beautiful wife and 4 sons!" Frankie isn't bothering to hold back his giggles now.
"Four sons! Must be a handful."
"They are but Donatello, Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael are good boys." Matt perks up at the familiar names.
"You like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"
"Dude, it's my favorite show!"
"Me too!"
"Maybe I can get my family to bring some of my action figures from home! We can play with them together! Uh, only if you want to though." Frankies excited tone takes on a slightly hesitant tint near the end. For someone so enthusiastic and friendly he seems a bit shy.
"I would like that a lot actually." Matt's cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling. Frankie isn't treating him like he's made of glass, he probably hates that too, he's treating him like a friend. Matt's never really had a friend before.
~ ~ ~ ~
"Hold out your hands." Frankie was sitting in his wheelchair next to Matt's bed when he gets back from having some tests run.
"What?"
"Just hold out your hands, ok?" He sounds excited so Matt holds out his hands and waits.
Something plastic is placed gently into his had. He runs his fingers against the familiar shapes of it. A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips.
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"
"Yup! My family is here to visit today and they brought them with them. They're getting some lunch right now though. You have Michelangelo. Feel honored, he's my favorite."
"I feel very honored." And he does. That warm feeling in his chest is back again. He can't help but smile as he continues to run his fingers along the toy.
~ ~ ~ ~
The Nelsons, Matt learns, are a big friendly family. Frankies parents, grandparents and baby sister managed to fit in Matt and Frankie's small room, but only just.
They're cheerful but Matt can hear a hint of worry in their voices. They hide it well though. They don't want to make Frankie sad.
They're good people.
Just like Frankie.
What surprises Matt is that they don't ignore him at all. They all introduce themselves, well except Candace because she's a baby, and try to keep him in their conversations.
Mrs. Nelson, "call me Anna, dear.", is what Matt has always imagined Moms to be like. Caring and warm. She smells like apples, cinnamon and baby powder. And the hug she gives him, after asking if it would be ok, is gentle but firm and comforting. Matt adores her. The rest of the Nelsons, Frankies dad Edward, Grandpa Franklin, Grandma Barbara and baby sister Candace, are all great but Matt likes Mrs. Nelson the most.
They all treat Matt like he's part of the family. The Murdocks have always been a small family, Just Matt his Dad and his grandmother until she passed. It feels nice to be part of a big family, if only for just a little while.
Matt hopes they'll visit sometime while his Dad is here. They'd probably get along great.
~ ~ ~ ~
"I like them, your family. They're nice." Matt tells Frankie after the Nelsons get far enough away that he can no longer hear them.
"Great! They liked you too. Which is good, I want them to like my friends."
"I'm your friend?" Matt had already been thinking of Frankie as his friend but hadn't thought the other boy would see him the same way. At least not yet.
"Of course you're my friend! You're great!" Frankie sounds determined to convince Matt of his worth.
"You're my friend too. And I, um, I think you're also pretty great." Matts cheeks feel hot. He absently fiddles with the toy in his hands.
"Then were both great friends then!"
The plastic of Matt's toy squeaks a bit and He remembers that it belongs to Frankie.
"Oh! I still have Mikey. I should give him back to you." Matt starts to move to hand it back, which is silly they are across the room from each other, when Frankie stops him.
"No no, you should hold on to him for me. I'll tell you when I want him back." There's a swish in the air, Frankie must have moved his arms in some kind of dismissive gesture.
"But you said he's your favorite?"
"Yep. And who's better to hold onto him than my friend?" Frankies voice is soft in an odd way. Matt's confused but his grip on the toy tightens a bit.
"Ok. Let me know when you want him back."
"I will." Frankies getting quite again. Matt just nods.
~ ~ ~ ~
"Hey Matty, how ya feeling today, buddy?" Matt's dad just walked in and is coming over to sit next to Matt's bed. Across the from Frankie perks up.
"I'm ok Dad. The doctors just ran a few test today and uh, I made a new friend." Matt must turn towards Frankies bed a bit because he hears Jacks chair creek and Frankie squeaks out a quick "Hi, I'm Frankie."
"Hi Frankie, I'm Jack."
"You're Mattys Dad?" Jack pauses for a moment. Matt rarely let's anyone call him Matty.
"Yeah, I am. Nice to meet you son."
Jack doesn't talk to Frankie as much as the Nelsons talked to Matt. But Jack Murdock has never been a very talkative man. They do talk a bit though. They get along well. Matt's not sure why it's so important to him that they get along, but he's glad.
~ ~ ~ ~
"You didn't tell me you're dad was Battlin' Jack Murdock!" Frankie says in a hushed excited voice a few minutes after Jack leaves for home.
"I didn't know you liked boxing?" He really doesn't seem like the type, then again Matt doesn't really seem like the type either and he practically grew up in Fogwells gym.
"My dad watches all the time. I watch sith him sometimes. He's a big fan of your dad."
"Oh. Cool. Well, they'll probably meet sometime soon. We do share a room."
~ ~ ~ ~
The Nelsons and Jack Murdock never visit at the same time. It's almost funny how they sometime miss each other by minutes.
Mr. Nelson sometimes playfully exaggerates his disappointment, snapping his fingers and saying something along the lines of "dag nabit", to make Matt and Frankie laugh.
Matt still hopes that they'll all meet soon.
~ ~ ~ ~
Matt's senses still haven't gone back to normal. It's not as bad as the first few days, but it's still pretty awful. Hospitals smell terrible, Matts sheets feel like sandpaper and everything is still too loud. Matt's starting to realize that his senses aren't normal at all. At first he thought it was a one sense goes the others get stronger kinda deal. But this seems different.
Focusing on Frankie makes it better, easier.
Frankie makes everything better.
Matt decides to tell Frankie about his senses.
"So it's not just your other senses making up for the lack of sight?"
"I thought so at first but I can hear heartbeats Frankie. Not just the ones on the monitors. The doctors, the nurses, our familys. I can hear them. I hear-," your mom crying when she leaves our room sometimes. "I hear people talking all over the hospital. I can smell everything in the hospital too. It's a lot." Matt's fingernails are digging into the palms of his hands. He just needs Frankie to know, to understand.
"Wow. That sound kinda cool and like, really terrible at the same time. Do you think it's because of whatever those chemicals were?" Matt relaxes.
"It can be really overwhelming, yeah. It probably was the chemicals."
"Have you told any of the doctors? Or your dad?"
"No, just you. I just, I don't think I should tell them."
"Ok, if you're sure." Frankie doesn't sound too sure. He sounds worried.
~ ~ ~ ~
Matt has been practicing getting around with his new cane. Frankie says he's great at it. Matt likes the independence.
Frankie's been having more trouble getting around so now Matt goes over to Frankies bed everyday. They talk for hours. They play with Frankies Ninja Turtles, he still hasn't asked for Mikey back. Sometimes Matt will just hold Frankies hand.
It's nice.
Wonderful.
Just like Frankie.
~ ~ ~ ~
Matt's been getting better. His wounds are healing well. He's getting his strength back. He's good at navigating with his cane. His senses are still a lot, too much sometimes, but they're nowhere near as bad as the first few days.
Matt's getting better.
But Frankie isn't.
He's getting worse. A lot worse.
He hasn't been able to talk with Matt as much. They don't play much either. Frankie is always so tired an miserable. Sometimes he can't focus when they talk.
Matt still holds his hands.
They feel cold, weak, breakable.
The Nelsons aren't as good at hiding their worry anymore. A heavy feeling of sadness and fear hangs over every visit.
Mrs. Nelson cries everytime now.
Frankie has been spending a lot of time sleeping.
Matt's been praying.
The wrong smell on Frankie has been getting stronger.
Matts scared about what it means.
Matt smiles for Frankie. He laughs and makes jokes. He just wants Frankie to be happy. To be ok. To not be sick anymore.
Matt offers to give back Mikey. Frankie still won't let him. Matt just wants Frankie to be ok.
He talks to Frankie.
He plays.
He paints on a smile and forces a laugh.
He holds Frankies hands and he prays.
It's all he can do.
"Good news Mr. Murdock. Your son is almost fully recovered. You can take him home in a few days."
"Mr. And Mrs. Nelson, the chemotherapy doesn't seem to be working. We'll try everything we can but we're not sure if Frankie will make it. We are so so sorry."
Matt's getting better.
Frankies not.
~ ~ ~ ~
Matt feels cold.
His stomach is twisting around itself
He doesn't want to leave Frankie. Especially not now. Not when Frankie could be . . . gone soon. He wants to stay with Frankie as long as he can. Hold his hand, make him laugh, make him be ok.
But he can't.
He's leaving today.
"Are you sure you don't want Mikey back now? We don't know-" if "when we'll see each other again." Matt's holding out the toy. Maybe this time Frankie will take it back. Mikey is his favorite, Frankie should have his favorite things.
"I didn't ask for him back yet. You can ask me when we see each other again, because we will see each other again. You know that, right Matty?" Frankie is gently patting the back of Matt's hand, comforting him. Matt doesn't think he should be the one being comforted.
"Yeah, we'll see each other again." God, he hopes that's true.
"Then hold onto him for me. Promise to take good care of him and I'll promise that we'll be together again. Forever next time." Matt's breath catches in his throat. Forever sounds wonderful.
"Ok I promise."
"Wait! We have to make it a pinkir promise! Everyone knows they're unbreakable." Frankie wraps his pinkie around Matts. For the first time today Matt smiles. "Ok! Now we can promise!" And they do.
"I'm going to miss you so much."
"I'm gonna miss you too Matty. Come here." Frankie pulls Matt into a tight hug. Matt trys not to think of how small and fragile Frankie feels, he just presses his face into Frankies neck and holds onto him like a lifeline.
They don't let go of each other until Matt has to leave.
They'll be together again. Frankie promised.
~ ~ ~ ~
Matt's been worried about Frankie since he's left the hospital. But he's a bit excited today. He's finally figured out how to make a call on his own. He memorized the hospitals phone number. He's gonna talk to Frankie today.
"Hi, can I speak to Frankie Nelson in room 312?"
"Sorry, Frankie Nelson isn't here with us anymore." The phone is loud when it crashes against the floor but Matt can't hear it over the ringing in his ears. He can't breath around the ice cold iron wrapping around his chest.
Frankie is dead