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Kise can taste the desire in Aomine’s kisses. He can feel the want in his fingertips as they press into his back, scraping his skin lightly as his nails drag down his spine and grip his hip harshly, pulling him downward in to his lap. Feels that need that Aomine emits in every roll of his hips, every single movement of his body, as he trusts upward in to Kise, who’s kneeling on the bed straddling his waist.
But Kise can’t reciprocate his current emotions. Not today, not anymore.
It almost makes him sick as he pulls his lips away from Aomine’s and pushes back slightly to change the angle of Aomine’s trusts and distance himself from him at the same time.
He stares down at Aomine, messy blue hair, eyes closed, mouth open, breaths hard, and that wrinkle of exertion between his eyes, and he doesn’t feel anything. He’s been fucked over so many times by this man, this emotionally stunted beautiful man, and he’s so done with it.
He’s told himself so many times that he’s done with it.
But here he is, his hips grinding down to meet Aomine’s trusts as he pushes deeper and deeper inside Kise, brushing against that spot of ecstasy bringing Kise closer to his release.
But this is just another fuck for them isn’t it? Nothing special really, just the routine they’ve fallen in to. Aomine comes home, they go out, they both get drunk, they fuck, they wake up in the morning and fuck again and Kise waits around for it to happen again. Waits around for Aomine to commit to him. Waits around for something that’s not going to happen until Aomine sees what he has.
Kise feels the swirl of heat that’s been building inside him dissipate, like water seeping from a cracked glass, emptying him entirely.
He tries to tear his eyes away from the blue haired man beneath him, but he can’t. He keeps his eyes trained on Aomine because he loves this man so much. Loves every inch of him with his whole entire being. Has loved him since he was fifteen years old.
Kise sighs out loud as Aomine’s fingers dig into his skin.
Kise’s done being treated like he’s a second thought. Done coming second to basketball like he has since he was in junior high. Done being Aomine Daiki’s way to release his stress.
Kise isn’t a second thought.
And as Kise stares down in to Aomine’s face, watches the familiar expression of pleasure as he let’s out a guttural groan, leaning forward against Kise, his forehead pressing into his shoulder, his release hot between Kise’s thighs, Kise can only think one thing.
What the hell is he doing here?
Kise’s been unsatisfied in so many ways for a long time now, and it’s like a blanket’s being lifted over his head and he’s being exposed to sunlight after a long period without it.
It hurts. God it hurts. But now he can see everything before him. See how fucked up their relationship has become. Could it even be called that? A relationship, don’t those involve trust and work? All Kise and Aomine have are last minute phone calls of desire, drunken mistakes that Kise regrets every morning, and continuous hopes that this will become something more. He wants that so bad. For Aomine to let him in, to show Kise everything he has to give, and to care about him even one fourth of the amount Kise cares for him.
But he doesn’t. Aomine won’t commit to anything but a training schedule.
How did it take him this long to figure out that something needed to change?
He feels Aomine shift beneath him as he leans backwards from Kise’s shoulder, his eyes are half lidded, his mouth hitched at the side as he looks down between them.
“Didn’t you get off?” Aomine says his voice rough and his breathing hard.
“No.” Kise says raising himself up and off of Aomine, his erection totally gone now from his racing thoughts.
“Sorry,” Aomine says, rolling over on to his side and staring at Kise, blue eyes untroubled.
“Yeah, me too,” Kise says, sliding to the side of the mattress to sit, sheet wrapped awkwardly around him. His fingers dig into the padding of the mattress as the sheets wrinkle in his palm. “I need to go.”
“Just stay for the day,” Aomine says, wrapping his hands around Kise’s waist, and pulling him backwards slightly, “I’ll make it up to you.”
“No.”
“Kise,” Aomine growls, feebly, as he traps Kise in his grasp. And Kise can’t take it anymore. Can’t act like this thing they have is okay with him. Not anymore. He’s trapped by Aomine Daiki in every way and he’s sick of being confined.
“No,” Kise says, harsher this time, scooting himself away from Aomine and throwing the covers off of his body. He sits up and grabs his dark jeans from the floor and pulls them up his legs in a rush.
“Ryouta, c’mon.”
“Aominicchi,” Kise snaps, his hand clenching in to a fist at his side, his eyes closing. He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a rough laugh.
“Aomine,” he says, turning around to face him, calmer this time but also more angry than he’s ever been in his whole life. Aomine’s half covered by the bed sheet, his eyes heavy, his jaw clenched, his dark skin so familiar and tempting that Kise almost abandon’s his logic and jumps back into bed.
Kise narrow’s his eyes and forces himself to look Aomine in the eyes because he’s not backing down anymore. But he feels the anger ebb, this isn’t entirely Aomine’s fault, Kise knew better.
“Until you can figure out that I'm worth more than a good fuck, we’re through.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Aomine asks, eyebrows rising.
“We were never dating.” He says bitterly.
“Kise.” Aomine says, his voice quiet, apologetic.
“Don’t act like your sorry, it’s okay, I know you’re not,” Kise says, grabbing his phone off the bedside table and shoving it into his pocket.
Aomine’s eyes widen as Kise bends down to grab his white V-neck from the ground and rip it over his head. He brushes the hairs that have fallen in to his eyes away and looks back to Aomine who’s staring, wide mouthed at him, the wrinkle back between his eyebrows.
“When you figure out what the hell you want, give me a ring.” Kise says, turning on his heel and walking towards the hallway, “But I’m done doing this, I want it all or I don’t want anything.”
He should probably be sad, should probably feel something besides pride in himself, but he doesn’t. He’s needed to do this for a long time. And he’s not sure why it took him this long to remember who he was. Kise feels a rush of excitement race through him as he walks down the hall and crosses Aomine’s living room, heading for the door, hopefully not for the last time.
Because he does have hope that Aomine can change. He’s seen it before, what a wake up call can do to him, and Kise hopes this change is for the better. He knows it is for himself.
“Kise c’mon I’ll make more time for you. I know I’ve been busy lately,” Aomine calls from behind him, startling Kise from his thoughts.
He turns around and sees Aomine walking fast across the living room, sweatpants low across his hips and put on backwards.
“I’m done waiting around for your call. I’m done being your second option,” Kise says, calmly, because he is calm. He’s known he’s needed to give Aomine a wake up call for a long time now and he’s so damn proud of himself that’s he’s doing it. He’s not even sad.
“Ryouta, your not my-“
“Yeah I am, Aominicchi,” Kise says with a small smile. And almost without knowing it, Kise takes a step forward and presses his lips against Aomine’s, he feels Aomine suck in a little surprised gasp between them, and Kise can’t help but grin. He kisses Aomine hard, tangling his fingers into his blue hair, and puts everything he knows of goodbye in to his movements before he pulls back.
“Get your shit together,” Kise says with a smile, hands on either side of Aomine’s face, his stubble rough on Kise’s palms. Kise steps backwards, arms falling to his sides, watching Aomine’s face transform as a frown grows across his lips. Kise reaches behind him and pulls open the front door of Aomine’s apartment, turns away from him, and walks through the doorway, shutting the door behind him and heading straight to the stairwell, way to full of energy to wait for the elevator. He takes the stairs two at a time, his hands shaking slightly, and his body tingling.
Aomine can chase him if he wants; and Kise hopes he does. But for once, he wants to be the one that needs to be chased, the one that needs to be kept up with. Because that’s always been Aomine’s role, and Kise wants to step into his shoes and let Aomine experience it the other way around.
He emerges through the stairs into the main lobby of the apartment building, waves to the doorman, and steps through the large glass doors of the apartment complex and in to the bright morning sunlight. He stops walking and leans his head back, closing his eyes and sucking in a deep breath from his nose.
Kise brings his head back down and can’t help but look up to the balcony he knows is Aomine’s. He’s up there; his shirtless form leaning over the balcony, his chin resting on his hand as he watches. Kise smiles, wide, and pulls his sunglasses from his pocket, and slides them over his eyes, before turning to his right and walking down the street.
They both need this.
He knows it.
He wants to be first in Aomine's life, he's done with second place.