Work Text:
It had been almost two months since he left but Adam could still feel his absence. Hard. Day 46 without Shiro was, surprisingly harder than day 1. All because now he was painfully aware of how much Shiro, and to some extent Keith too, were parts of his daily routine.
He no longer woke up to the smell of recently brewed coffee and Shiro singing off key in the shower, nor to the sound of laughter and chatter coming from Keith and Shiro in the kitchen while preparing breakfast on weekends.
He had to get used to preparing food for one and forgot to stop buying the sweets Shiro loved but he himself detested. Every damn time.
There were no more small and colorful post it notes with “I love you” or the random flirty phrase hidden on his things. He could never bring himself to throw away the box he’d saved all the previous ones in either.
Adam had always had trouble sleeping, and now sleeping alone was harder. The steady rhythm of Shiro’s heart and the comforting weight of his arm around his middle was missing. He didn't even have the comfort of smelling Shiro on the pillows when trying to sleep at night. It was long since gone. He seemed to be fading little by little from their, his home.
And Keith, gods he wasn't sure what to do about Keith any more. Weekly visits with Keith now consisted on both ignoring their issues during a somewhat quiet lunch. The worst was that Keith was getting into more fights lately and had been reported acting strange “He spaces out a lot and is running a shorter temper than usual” had been the exact words. Adam felt as if he was failing Keith too, but he had no clue as to how approach the issue.
Adam was mad at Shiro for leaving, at himself for returning him his ring and at both of them for not setting things right before he left. He missed Shiro, badly. His absence made him realize that despite the decision he took, Adam still loved Shiro. Shiro was it for him. He swore once he came back he would make things right, apologize and not let him get away from him ever again. Even if he had to follow him into space. He would make the most out of whatever time they had left together if Shiro would let him.
That was his plan, of course, until five minutes ago when he saw the announcement in the news. Shiro was dead. The mission had failed. He punched the wall, then the TV. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and his knuckles were stained with blood. At some point he had broken the table and trashed the rest of the kitchen. That's how Veronica found him 20 hours later, sitting in the middle of the messy kitchen, staring off into the wall with bloody hands.
A bath, a warm meal and some cleaning later they were both sitting on his couch. Veronica had been a godsend at the time, helping him put his shit together enough to get up and do something.
“Oh Adam, you can't do this to yourself. We are gonna talk to the Commander and ask for some time off for you. You should take Keith with you.”
His eyes went wide at the mention of Keith. “Oh my… Keith! Is he okay? Have you heard from him?”
She squeezed his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “He didn’t take the news well. He has been kicked out of the Garrison and must be packing his things right now. I already asked and the decision is final.”
True to her word he found Keith half an hour later making his way to the exit, things in hand. Adam silently took some of them off his hands and loaded them on his bike. He felt a constricting pain on his chest the moment they finished.
“When Veronica told me you were leaving I figured you would go back to your old place and...I am… not in the best shape right now Keith, but you can stay with me whenever you want to and still visit on the weekends. You know that right?”
Keith finally looked at him and Adam noticed the red of his eyes and the tired but resolute look on his face. Keith gave him a tiny smile and the pain on his chest increased a bit.
“Thank you Adam, I’ll keep it mind but I… I don’t think I’m coming back soon Adam; something is calling to me in the desert and I really need to get out there right now.”
The look Keith was giving him made Adam make up his mind. If living alone in the desert was what Keith needed then so be it.
“Keith... I don’t understand completely but… I won’t stop you. If you really think living in the desert for a while will help you, then I support you just… send me a message every other day so I know you are still alive over there and… call me on the weekends?”
Keith gave him a nod and a quick hug and left the building.
Messages were spare but Keith still sent him an update every once in a while.
He never saw him again though.
Next year was a blur for Adam. After the short leave he took he went back to teaching and started asking for more assignments outside the Garrison. Maybe Keith was right and some distance will do him good. The anger and sadness slowly went away, he only felt numb now. There was a hole in his chest and he didn't know how to fill it so he threw himself into his job and tried to get his life back together with some help from Veronica. The no-nonsense woman became his pillar of strength through the year.
Adam was away when the ship crashed by the Garrison. He didn’t get wind of what happened until weeks later.
Takashi was alive but gone to who knows where, with Keith this time and even though Adam was not exactly happy this was the first time in two years that he could breathe again. A weight lifted off of his shoulders. He cried himself to sleep that night, this time from relief instead of sadness or frustration.
He told Commander Iverson the next day that he no longer wished to get assignments outside of the Garrison. If - when- Takashi returned, he would be there to see it.
Time passed faster than expected and Adam’s life seemed to be on track again. He went back to teaching full time, his apartment no longer felt alien to him and his friendship with Veronica and the other teachers was as strong as ever.
When Sam arrived almost two years later and told everyone what was going on in space, Adam felt oddly disconnected through the debriefing. Shiro was in space with a bunch of teenagers and an alien princess piloting giant kitty robots and saving the universe and Adam never felt so small in his life before. When the meeting ended he threw up in the bathroom.
He knew he was being selfish but he wished he could offer that kind of adventure and fulfilment to Takashi on Earth. Shiro always seemed to want more, to be meant for more. Being the leader of Voltron was perfect for Shiro.
When shit hit the fan and the whole world found out about the aliens, there was a message for him from Keith. Only from Keith.
“Hey Adam… it's being a while. Sorry for not calling… or texting, there is no data plan in space. But I'm okay, so don't worry.”
There was no message for him from Shiro. That’s ok, Adam thought, because Shiro was alive. And maybe he wouldn’t be coming home for a while and maybe they wouldn’t be together anymore as a couple or even as friends but Shiro was alive and Keith was with him and after everything Sam had told them Adam was more than ready to help. Maybe Shiro and Keith wouldn’t be coming home to him, but Adam would do anything in his power for there to still be a place for them to return to.
Then the Galra arrived and Adam got on a ship, ready to fight for Shiro and Keith, for himself and Veronica, for everyone on the Garrison and for Earth.
The fight didn’t last more than a few minutes, their ships were useless against the Galra cruisers and Adam watched his comrades, his friends, fall one by one to the canons. When the blast hit him, he lost consciousness for a few moments. It wasn’t a direct hit, but Adam crashed down hard and fast.
When he woke up, Adam knew he was a dead man.
He could see the sky and the Galra ships from what was left of the right side of his ship. He couldn’t feel his legs and there was blood all over the place. He tried not to take a look at his legs, afraid of what he would or would not see. The heat he felt at his back told him the ship was most likely burning. He tried to move his left arm but couldn’t, it was pinned down to the seat by a piece of metal and he could feel the bile coming up his throat at the sight of it. His right arm and hand were miraculously still functioning, but moving them was too much of a task. He barely had the energy to move his fingers.
His vision was starting to blur and his strength was draining away, but still, Adam tried and failed to take out the single picture he always carried with him in his jacket. Unable to move anymore, tears started to run down his cheeks from both pain and frustration. His breath was labored and he could feel himself starting to lose consciousness again.
“Takashi…”
The picture was old, from over five years ago, and showed a much younger Adam, hand in hand with an equally younger Shiro, eating ice cream and smiling widely with matching blushes tinting their cheeks. It had been their first date.
“... Sorry…”
Adam could only think about the picture, and how he wished he could see Takashi’s smile one last time. He thought about not being able to welcome Takashi home and closed his eyes.
“...Love you.”
Back in the Garrison, Adam’s vitals went black.