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Bob ran away.
He left me here alone, without an answer, without making a decision, without giving me any reassurance.
I get it, really. This days, god, they have been a train wreck, but the thing is; I need him. I needed him as soon as I came from talking to his dad and ruining my chances of having a political career, but what did I find when I came home? A ridiculous idea of a forever three-way (Polyamory? Triple?) …. I mean one time was great, Coralee is really a beautiful woman and excellent in bed and from time to time sounded like a wonderful idea, but always?
The only person I ever wanted was Bob, the only one I need, but he has other plans.
At least Coralee agreed with me. However, when I told him to make his choice, I never thought he wouldn´t choose me, well he didn´t chose her exactly, not yet, but come on! The choice is clearly me, if he really loved her in the first place he wouldn´t have fallen for me.
Anyway, that was like 6 hours ago, and here I am alone in my kitchen drinking my feelings directly from a bottle, pathetic. Where has the ¨Hot¨ Bob Barnard gone? Etta May will for sure laugh at me if she saw this, but I guess this is what love is like, the feeling of getting your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped right in front of you.
Oh well, w-
The characteristic sound of the door being opened and then locked is a surprise, Magnolia was already sleeping in her room after coming home like 4 hours ago (acting weird? He didn´t pay that much attention. God he was a horrible father), so kept his gaze on the kitchen entrance while remaining quiet, he should probably get a knife or something, he really isn´t in the mood for a robbery talk about the worst night ever!
And there came Bob, and what a sight he is; he is always adorable and beautiful, but right now, he looks just so worried and freaked out, and our eyes lock.
¨Bob? ¨ He says, ¨what are you doing in the kitchen, why haven´t you gone to sleep yet? ¨
¨ Well I could ask the same thing. What are you doing here? After you ran away, I thought for sure you would stay at the hotel until you reached your decision… or is that why you came? You made up your mind and came to tell me? ¨ I really hate how my voice is so hopeful, please I really don´t want to start crying again.
Bob cringes, uh oh not good ¨ I am still on that, but Patty had a problem, ¨ of course, when does that girl doesn´t have problems? ¨And it was all a mess, everything was too much, and I think I didn´t fix anything, but really how could I know what to do in that kind of situations? Nevertheless, I had to do something; she has saved me twice now and… ¨
He is cute when he rambles, but not when he is panicking ¨ Whoa, whoa, calm down¨ I stand up and put my hands on his shoulders so he can stop ranting and I can look him in the eyes, ¨ That girl only brings you trouble and you owe her absolutely nothing, so what do you mean she has saved you twice? And in what she has gotten herself into now? ¨
He looks really uncomfortable right now and I hope it is not for the fact that I´m here in front of him, touching him or it will break my heart.
¨Ahh, nothing, is probably for the best if we don´t talk about this right now.¨ he says while avoiding my eyes, and I don´t like this.
¨ So why did you come here? You never answered my question.¨
¨ I… didn´t want to be… no I mean, is that after everything that happened, I just couldn´t… no damn it, I needed you.¨ he needs me? Oh, be still my heart. ¨Please, I know that right now, is not good, and that I´m hurting both you and Coralee with my indecision, but please, let me stay for tonight, I´m not sure I should be alone with everything that happened, and… You make me feel safe.¨
¨ Of course, anything you need. ¨ And really, what else could I say to that, to him, the man I love, who I make feel safe?
So I guide him up to my room, we undress to our underwear, and get under the covers. He immediately curls up to me and I put my hands around him, it is usually me cuddling up to him, and I would be ecstatic if it weren´t for the fact that he looks so lost.
¨ Go to sleep, I got you. ¨ I tell him, and he just smiles, a little sad smile, without really looking at me and closes his eyes, I don´t think he will get much sleep but he is in his own world at the moment.
I just feel like screaming, or crying, or anything; because, this doesn´t mean that he is going to be with me forever, he is just with me now. And I so, wanted to grab him and demand that he makes up his damn mind, and be with me once and for all. But, as always, he has other problems, whether is Patty or his feelings, is one crisis after the other and discussions of feelings get placed for the last.
Pick me, choose me, love me… I´m practically begging him with my mind and with my eyes; yet, he remains indifferent to all that, with his eyes closed, and his worried, overworked mind.
I have no other choice but to close mine, and try to sleep, hoping that tomorrow he won´t run away again.