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The campfire burned and crackled, illuminating the barren patch in a forest-covered planet that was home for the night. Sparks floated softly into the sky as the multiple suns set slowly, casting beautiful purple and pink hues across the land. Keith smiled to himself, feeling at peace for the first time in a long time. His mother sat across the fire, chatting with Allure and Romelle and sneaking his wolf some scraps from her plate; which Keith pretended not to notice. Shiro was deeply engaged in conversation with Coran, the two older men catching up on a lot of lost time. Keith smiled at the smile on his brother’s face. After everything that had happened, Shiro still found the good in the world and clung to it, which Keith admired greatly. Beside them, Hunk and Pidge had their heads together, hunched over one of the communication devices that was on the fritz. Both Alteans had offered to fix it, but the engineers escaped with the device, claiming they wanted to try it themselves. Whatever helps them unwind, he thought.
Everything was happy, and quiet.
A little too quiet.
Keith did a double take, but there was no sign of Lance anywhere. The black paladin’s eyebrows furrowed. That was definitely not like Lance. He enjoyed the company of others, and this kind of family type gathering around the fire seemed like his cup of tea. Keith cleared his throat.
“Has anyone seen Lance?” he asked, directing the question at everyone. Hunk and Pidge looked up, as did Allura.
“He wandered off a while ago,” The Altean spoke before Hunk could reply, “I assume he will be back when he is ready.” Keith frowned, but nodded.
He was ready to dismiss the absence of the red paladin; after all, he had been gone from the Castle for a while now, Lance could have changed; when Hunk walked over to him and sat a little too close beside him. Before he could scoot away, Hunk turned his head to talk in a tone that only Keith could hear.
“Listen man, I don’t know what’s going on with Lance. He won’t talk to me, but something happened to him while we were on a mission, fixing a shield. I asked him but he shrugged it off, and when I asked Allura she refused to talk about it.” Hunk’s voice was filled to the brim with worry.
“Why are you telling me this?” Keith whispered back to him. If Lance was having an issue, he assumed Keith would be the last person he would want to talk to about it.
“Because I think he doesn’t want to scare me,” Hunk said, “But he might talk to you about it. You guys got pretty close before you left for the Blades man. You may be the push he needs to at least find out what happened there.” The big man leaned back then so he was staring Keith in the eyes. “I’m worried about him, Keith.”
Keith blew a stray piece of hair out of his eyes.
“Yeah, alright I’ll find him,” he said, patting Hunk on the shoulder before rising to his feet and stretching. Hunk nodded in respect before pointing the direction of the wayward paladin. Keith’s wolf lifted his head from where he napped with his head on Krolia’s lap, but Keith smiled and mouthed the command, ‘stay.’ The wolf settled back with his mother, and Keith trudged off in the direction Hunk had pointed in.
He hoped he could talk some sense into his friend.
~
Lance sauntered slowly through the dense trees, watching his footing carefully as he walked further away from the sounds of crackling wood and comradery. He had wanted to stay so badly; his whole family was together and he wanted nothing more than to be with them. But the thoughts swirling around his head had gotten to him, and when he stood up to leave without anyone even noticing him, it left a painful ache in his heart even now. He understood it was a big group of course, not everyone could talk to him all the time. But it seemed he was alone more often then not lately, and it gave him a little too much time to think and overthink everything that had happened in the last little while. How long had it even been?
How long had it been since he had died?
“Allura!”
He remembered screaming her name the second he realized the imminent danger she was in. Lance and his lion moved immediately, as one, without another thought in either of their minds. Too bad Red was just as reckless as he was. They crashed into the Blue lion with force, sending lion and paladin flying just as a bright light enveloped the cockpit.
Lance screamed in pain. There was so much pain. His entire being felt like it was on fire while being ripped apart. The electricity coursing through him was unnatural, awful, intrusive, oh so painful, make it stop, oh dear god please…
Then nothing.
The blackness was overwhelming. His being was completely numb; the pain was gone but so were his senses. Then a light, slowly expanding and enveloping him. He blinked a couple times, and stared down at…himself?
He was slumped over in the pilot seat of Red, not moving. Sparks of electricity still danced along his skin. His mouth hung open, his eyes closed tightly. He looked for the rise and fall of his own chest, but it never came.
He was staring at his own corpse.
He was dead.
If he still had a physical form, he would have thrown up. He was dead. He had died. He would never see his family again. Never see his team, or Allura, or see Keith just one last time. Tell him he was sorry for inventing a dumb rivalry. Never fly Red again, never feel wind on his face or sand in his toes…
A hiss of a door opening distracted him. The scene in front of him was starting to blur and fade, and he realized he was ascending to wherever souls go to rest eternally. He was vaguely aware of Allure grasping his dead body, glowing, blue light, so tired, time to rest…
And then a gasp of fresh air, and pain, and blue crystallized eyes staring down at him. He was alive again, somehow, and he realized.
“You saved me.”
Lance clenched his fists at the memory that wouldn’t leave his mind. He was so thankful to be alive, so grateful to Allura, but thinking of her was a raw wound waiting to be filled with salt. She had obviously chosen Lotor over him, which he knew she would, but it didn’t make him feel any better about it. Deep in his heart, he knew they would never date, never get married or have children, but she had been an unattainable distraction for so long while out here in space, that having that vice suddenly ripped away from him was alarming. Just one more person gone from his life.
Like Keith.
Lance had missed Keith. Yep, he was admitting it. He had missed their easy comradery, their jokes and banter, having someone he could count on when he needed to talk about things that plagued his mind. Keith had left an empty hole in Lance’s everyday life, and although he was happy for the black haired boy, having found his mother and comrades in arms with the Blade, that was another grey area in Lance’s mind.
Keith no longer needed him.
Keith had a real family now. A mom, a pet, and a new sense of maturity. Lance’s heart ached at the thought of Keith leaving their team for good one day, but he supposed he should try and enjoy the new time with him. Keith was different, but Lance was different too.
And Shiro. The guilt that swirled around Lance’s stomach was painful and completely justified. Lance had known something was off with their leader, and he did nothing about it. Shiro had tried to tell him for God’s sake, and Lance was too stupid to hear.
Lance was so caught up in his own thoughts that his focus on the path he was treading was lacking. His foot caught a root, and before he had a chance to stop himself he was crashing to the ground. He couldn’t stop the shriek that escaped his lips as a loud CRACK resonated through the air, accompanied by a sharp pain in his leg. He pushed his face out of the ground, feeling a stinging bruise beginning on his cheekbone and hot blood on his forehead, and tried to move his ankle from where it was sickeningly twisted and still stuck in a tree root. The pain was making his vision blur and his head spin, and he shifted himself around to lay on his back, foregoing his ankle. Tears flowed down his cheeks.
After all that had happened, this was to be expected.
~
Keith was almost ready to turn back, assuming Lance would have made his way back to the camp by now, when a snapping noise followed by a loud scream echoed through the air. Obviously the Red paladin. And he was obviously in trouble. Keith took off running.
He found Lance laying on his back, silently crying with his ankle cracked at a sickening angle. Blood covered his face and made Keith’s stomach lurch.
“Lance!” he called out as he jumped down to the ground beside the boy, making him jump and yelp. “What happened?”
“Keith!” the paladin breathed out, something between a choke and a sob. “You’re here!”
“I was looking for you,” Keith said, kneeling down beside his distressed friend, “What happened?” Lance furiously wiped his eyes, smearing dirt and blood across his face in the process. Keith quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him.
“I fell… m’ankle’s messed up,” he mumbled. Keith frowned at the slurred words. Realizing Lance might have a concussion, he decided he needed to get him back to the others sooner than later. He gritted his teeth and looked at the mess of snapped bone that was his foot. He was going to have to move it, and it was going to hurt.
“J’st do it Keith,” Lance said, following his gaze to his own broken appendage, “It has to happ’n.” Keith nodded, but still felt sick to his stomach. The Garrison taught all their cadets how to administer a bit of first aid, but the thought of actually causing someone so much pain made him want to throw up his dinner.
“Alright, I’m going to get your leg out from under that branch, and after that I’ll help you back to the camp, okay Lance?” Repetitive use of the person’s name was good for head injuries, right? Damn, first aid training was kind of just blurring together now that he was in the moment. Drawing in a breath to study his erratic heartbeat, he quickly grasped Lance’s foot and yanked it out of the ground.
Nothing could have prepared him for the scream that followed. It was a horrifying, guttural wail of pain that Keith didn’t even know Lance was capable of making. He had thrown his head back in pain, writhing and screaming, hands desperately searching for something to hang on to. Keith released his now free leg and threw himself at the Cuban, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him tightly into his chest. Lance clung to him desperately, shaking and sobbing as he screamed into Keith’s shirt. And Keith, well, he was pretty sure his heart was breaking.
Once Lance’s sobs subsided, Keith rearranged them so that Lance was laying on his back, arms loosely wrapped around his shoulders and neck. The black haired boy slowly got to his feet and secured his arms around Lance’s thighs so that he had him tightly slumped across him in a piggy back. Keith took off for the camp, trying desperately not to jostle Lance’s foot any more than necessary…and to ignore the hot breath tickling his neck and ear.
“Lance? Are you with me Lance?” he tried to get him talking to him to at least keep him conscious. Until they knew the extent of the head trauma, he didn’t really want him falling asleep. He felt Lance nod against his shoulder, the tip of his nose brushing against his earlobe, and oh, that shouldn’t feel that good should it?
“Hey, Lance, come on, tell me something interesting,” Keith probed. Usually the brunette didn’t stop talking. This was bad. He changed his tone to a more commanding one. “Lance.” The boy chuckled.
“I like when you say my name,” was the whispered confession in Keith’s ear.
Well. That was interesting.
“And I missed you.”
God damnit Lance, his whole face was heating up.
“I feel funny Keith,” Lance mumbled, pulling Keith out of his thoughts, “I don’t…wnt to go again.”
“Go where?” Keith turned slightly to glance at him. His eyes were closed. Shoot. “Lance, we’re just going to the camp. We’re almost there now. Can’t you hear them?” He slowed his pace as a single tear escaped Lance’s eye and slid down his cheek, mixing with the blood and dirt on his face. His next sentence was so quiet that Keith may have missed it, had he not been directly beside the paladin. And what he heard almost stopped his own heart.
“I don’t want to die again.”
~
When Keith had stumbled into the clearing with a bloody teammate in tow, chaos had ensued. Mainly in the form of Hunk, screaming and running circles around the camp while Coran performed first aid. Keith had hovered close by, holding instruments and cleaning the blood off Lance’s face. He had been given a heavy pain reliever, but was mostly conscious as Coran reset and splinted his leg. Keith mourned the loss of the magic healing pods.
Allura used some of her alchemy to help clear the concussion a bit, but was at her limit from bringing Shiro back to life. She apologized profusely to Lance, who groggily shot a finger gun at her before closing his eyes again. Coran finally looked up from his work. Lance’s foot was tightly wrapped and splinted, and a large patch of gauze taped to his forehead to stop the bleeding.
“He needs to rest, but he needs to be woken every hour until his concussion receeds,” the orange haired man announced. Before Hunk could say anything, Keith leapt to his feet.
“I’ll stay with him,” he offered, and Coran nodded. Hunk looked at the new Black paladin warily, So Keith walked over to him so he could whisper in his ear.
“I know what’s bothering him. But I have no idea what happened. I need to try and talk to him about it.” Hunk’s eyes widened, and then he nodded determinedly. He placed a large hand on Keith’s shoulder.
“Take care of him, man,” he whispered, and Keith smiled and nodded. He walked over to where Lance was laying by the fire and picked him up bridal style, much to Lance’s horror. The injured paladin grumbled the entire walk to his Lion about not being a princess, and Keith couldn’t help but chuckle.
When they entered Red, nostalgia hit Keith like a wave, followed by the loud voice of his former lion in his mind. He grinned. “Hey, Red.” Lance glanced up at him.
“Red, you traitor,” he mumbled, and they both felt her laugh in their minds. Keith set Lance down on his bed, walking over to grab another pillow for him.
“She’s demanding I tell her if you’re alright,” Keith said over his shoulder, “So you can relax.” He heard Lance sigh in relief and pat his lion affectionately. Keith shook his head fondly. He returned to the bed with a couple extra pillows, helped Lance prop up against the wall and then elevate his ankle, and then covered him with the blankets. Lance watched him work with half lidded eyes.
“Why are you doing this?” he finally asked as Keith made himself comfortable on the floor beside him and leaned his back against the wall. Keith shrugged.
“Teammates look after each other Lance,” he said, looking at his injured friend, “You’re important to me, and I care about you. Now go to sleep.” When Lance looked wary, Keith reached over and gently squeezed his hand. “Hey, I’ll be right here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere.” Lance shifted his hand so he could intertwine their fingers and hang on tightly to the gloved hand. Keith blushed. Lance was using his hand like a lifeline, a tie to the real world, and with their hands together he seemed to finally drift off into a peaceful sleep. Keith finally picked his jaw up off the floor, coughed, and started reading a book on his tablet.
All the while, Lance clung to his hand and if Keith was being honest, he didn’t mind one bit.
~
When Lance opened his eyes, he was met with the violet eyes of Keith, very close to his face. He blinked a few times, but they didn’t disappear. He was vaguely aware of a hand on his shoulder, and something warm in his own hand. He groggily looked around.
“Just needed to make sure you’d wake up,” he heard Keith saying from above him, “It’s alright. You can go back to sleep.” Sighing, he closed his eyes again. He drifted off to the feeling of comfort and safeness, and a hand stroking through his hair.
The next time Lance woke up, it was on his own accord. He jolted awake, a stabbing pain shooting up and down his leg and coaxing a whimper from his lips. Keith was there in an instant, asking him what had happened, if anything hurt, was he alright. In his pain-addled mindset, Lance couldn’t even form words; he pointed to his leg and then clung desperately to Keith’s shirt as the older boy called Coran on the communicator. Keith then dropped the device and wrapped both arms tightly around Lance, rubbing his back and playing with his hair as he cried and convulsed. Coran was there in a tick, with a needle Lance vaguely heard him explain was a numbing gel for his broken ankle. Keith gently guided Lance’s face away from the sight of Coran and his ankle, and instead held him into his chest as the needle was administered. Another whimper left his throat. God, Keith must think he’s such a baby.
Coran waited with them until Lance’s pain subsided and the brunette calmed down before he left, making Keith promise not to hesitate to call him if anything else happened. When it was just the two of them again, Keith lay Lance back against his pillows and under his warm blanket. Lance so desperately wanted to stay with Keith, wanted to curl up against his strong body and feel safe and secure, but he knew that was too much to ask for. Instead, he held his hand out, fingered splayed apart, as a question. Keith caught on and laced his fingers through Lance’s, squeezing tight, and exhaustion claimed the Red paladin once more. The last thing he saw was the corner of Keith’s mouth twitch ever so slightly upward.
Keith woke him twice after that, gently urging him to open his eyes and them just as gently urging them shut again. Lance drifted back off easily each time, definitely not imagining the feeling of hands in his hair, stroking his bangs away from his face. A third time, Lance woke shivering, and another blanket was placed over him without missing a beat, and warm arms rubbed his upper body to produce a bit more heat. He knew he shouldn’t be happy to be injured, but he wasn’t alone, and it was wonderful.
The fourth time he woke, he was having a nightmare.
He was in the void; the strange death-like trance that he had experienced when he had passed. He was watching his own death, but this time he was slumped over on the ground, his sniper rifle haphazardly dangling out of his grip. His corpse was covered in blood and his eyes were closed. Hearing the screams of his teammates, Lance’s spirit watched in horror as one by one, his friends-no, his family, were killed. He screamed, cried, tried to move, tried to do anything, but nothing would work.
Hunk was the first to go, catching a shot to the neck and collapsing to his knees, hands pressed to the wound as blood poured down his armor. Pidge screamed, tears streaking down her face, as she tried to help him apply pressure to his wound. With her attention divided, a soldier shot her in the back. She collapsed onto Hunk as they both toppled to the ground, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her face buried in his chest, finding solace in her last moments. Her big sidekick was already gone.
Allura was on the ground, desperately trying to crawl to Shiro, who was a few feet away from her on his back. His torso had been almost completely sliced through, and blood gurgled out of his mouth as he reached for her. She had multiple bullet wounds in her chest, but managed to reach their leader, linking their hands desperately as she coughed up red liquid. With one final smile at her, Shiro’s head lolled back against the hard ground and the light left his brown eyes, and Allura screamed as loud as she could until she followed him to the other side, hands still clasped together for eternity.
And Keith. Keith had found Lance’s body, and was desperately trying to revive him. Lance wanted to yell at him to get out of there, to protect himself and run, but Keith got on his feet and fought against the Galra soldiers surrounding him. He fought desperately, unhinged, and sloppy. When a sword shoved its way through Keith’s back and out through his chest, Lance thought he was going to throw up. He was powerless as he watched Keith fall forward, on top of Lance’s corpse, and the Galra marched away. He watched Keith roll himself slightly so that he was overtop of his teammate’s face, noses touching and blood dripping out of Keith’s mouth onto Lance’s pale skin. This time, Lance heard what he said. “See you on the other side, sharpshooter.” And then Keith touched his forehead to Lance’s, grasped the hair at the back of his neck tightly, and died.
And Lance screamed.
~
Keith was dozing off when he heard it. The blood curdling scream that came without warning, ripping itself from Lance’s mouth. He jumped to his feet immediately and was there within two strides, but Lance seemed trapped in his nightmare. His back was arched off the mattress, his face damp and sweaty, and his arms seemed to be pinned to his sides in fear. Another raw, unhinged scream escaped his lips and Keith jumped into action, grasping Lance’s shoulders desperately and ignoring the flinch he felt through the brunette’s body when he made contact.
“Lance!!” he cried, having a hard time being heard over the boy’s own shouts, “Lance, wake up! Please!” he could hear Red in his mind, also trying to comfort her distressed paladin. Lance’s eyes shot open, unfocused and blurry with unshed tears. He searched the room frantically until Keith finally grasped both sides of his face and forced him to make eye contact with him. Lance sobbed.
“Are we dead?” he choked out between heavy breaths. Keith paled.
“No! We’re not dead. Everyone’s fine. You’re in Red,” he tried to sooth his teammate but Lance was only getting more riled up, hyperventilating and choking on his own cries of panic. Keith’s heart was breaking at the sight.
“Lance.” He used his commanding voice, hoping to ground him enough to focus on him. “Tell me what happened please.”
“They were all dead, and I was dead, and you…you died protecting me, and I couldn’t stop any of it,” Lance spluttered and desperately reached for Keith’s hands, grasping them so tightly Keith winced in pain. Lance finally whispered, “I can’t do this anymore Keith.”
Keith had wanted to wait until Lance was a little more coherent, or feeling better and well rested before he tried to get him to talk about what had happened, but he knew it wasn’t something that could wait. This needed to be sorted out, and it needed to happen NOW. So he gently tugged Lance to stand, handed him the crutches Coran had brought for him, and pointed at the door. Lance followed without a word, tears still flowing down his cheeks. Keith led them to a large rock at the edge of a hill, with a beautiful view of the three moons on this planet, and all its pink stars. He helped Lance sit down, and then plopped down beside him. Lance took a deep breath, and Keith turned to face him.
“So, you’re going to tell me what happened now.” It wasn’t a question. Lance sighed.
“There’s not much to tell,” the brunette said, fiddling with his hands. “I took a hit for Allura, and I…I died, Keith.”
Keith cringed inwardly. Too many people were saying that sentence to him lately.
“Allura brought me back,” Lance continued, “But for a while I was dead. I was watching everything. I could see my own lifeless body, couldn’t feel anything, and just before I completely faded away, I was saved.” The brunette gulped. “But I feel different. I want to forget it happened, but I can’t. And…” he trailed off, and Keith gently pushed him to continue.
“Nobody has asked me about it,” Lance finally admitted, sniffing a bit. “Nobody asked if I was alright, or what had happened, or really checked on me. Allura won’t talk to me about it. And Hunk finally noticed but I just – I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. He’d be so upset. I needed….” Blue eyes met Keith’s violet ones, and Lance continued with a meek smile. “I guess I just needed you back.” Keith felt like his insides were going to explode with rage. Nobody on the team had tried to help him through this?
“I wish you had told me sooner,” Keith said, clenching his fists to try and alleviate some of the anger he felt, “And I wish the others had stepped up to help you with this.” Lance shrugged and turned to look out at the sky, his face illuminated in a soft pink glow.
“Everyone has their own problems,” he said quietly, “I suppose mine isn’t all that important anyways. After all, I’m not dead right? I should just forget about it.”
Keith grabbed his wrist so quickly that he forced a gasp out of the Red paladin.
“Don’t you dare think that,” he hissed, staring deep into Lance’s wide, blue eyes. “You are just as important as any person here, and there’s no way you would be able to just forget something so traumatic like this. We’re all here to help you through it, and you need to talk to us about this kind of thing.” Tears were forming in Lance’s eyes again, but Keith pressed on. “I need you to understand that. You are important, and your fears are justified, and I don’t know what I would have done if you had died.” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Oh well.
Lance sniffed and wiped his eyes with his free arm. “Thanks, Keith,” he whispered. “I suppose it might be a while before I feel like myself again.” Keith nodded, relieved that Lance was finally admitting that he was bothered by the whole experience. Lance sighed and looked out at the stars again.
“We should probably get you back to bed before Coran realizes I’ve kept you up,” Keith chuckled, but Lance didn’t move.
“I can’t face my nightmares,” he whispered.
“You can if you aren’t alone,” Keith softly replied. Lance closed his eyes; Keith could almost see the exhaustion seeping from his body. He gently lifted Lance to his feet and decided to forego the crutches for the moment, picking him up once again and cradling him to his chest. As he walked back into Red, Lance’s breathing was evening out and his eyes drooping, and Keith thought he might be tired enough to fall asleep right there in his arms, but when he gently placed him on the bed, Lance opened his eyes.
“Keith, I know this might be weird to ask, and you’ve already done so much for me tonight…” he mumbled, fidgeting with his hands. Keith’s breath hitched in hopeful anticipation.
“You want me to lay with you?” Keith asked, saving Lance from his embarrassment. The brunette simply nodded. Keith chuckled and pulled the blanket back, ditching his shoes and climbing into bed beside him. When the Black paladin got comfortable, he opened his arms in invitation and Lance curled up against his chest, one hand clutching his shirt and the other arm gently resting across his waist. Keith let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding and encircled the boy with his strong arms. He felt Lance relax in his touch; some of the pain and apprehension of the day melting away in the warmth of the man holding him tightly. Keith smiled, and gently leaned down to press a barely-there kiss to the top of Lance’s head.
“Sweet dreams,” he whispered, before he drifted off into a contented sleep as well.
To nobody in particular, Red hummed her approval.
~
When Lance woke up from the best sleep he’d had in a while, Keith was there. Hand sprawled over his head, legs intertwined with Lance’s, one arm securely around the Cuban’s waist and softly snoring. Lance chuckled at Keith’s bedhead, and snuggled closer into his human safety blanket.
That morning over coffee, when Lance told the rest of the group about his death, Keith was there. He stood immediately beside Lance, shoulders barely touching, but enough that Lance could shift and feel his physical presence if he needed to. Hunk and Pidge had cried and hugged him, a thousand apologies were thrown at him by a tearful Allura. Shiro simply walked over and joined the hug, tears in his eyes and a haunted expression on his face at the knowledge that one of his space kids had been so far from his reach. Lance was genuinely smiling, and Keith was happy. Krolia watched from afar, her knowing eyes beaming with pride for her son.
As the paladins and passengers settled into a travel routine, Keith and Lance fell into their own routine as well. Keith talked to Lance about all the time he had spent with his mother, and all the feelings about his abandonment he had come to terms with. Lance tearfully shared his regrets about not being able to help Shiro to a supportive Keith, who was quick to quell his guilt and replace it with comradery. They talked about nothing or everything, but they always talked.
When Lance fell asleep every night, Keith was there. They both curled up in one of their lions, limbs entangled and the sound of each other’s heartbeat lulling them to sleep. Lance dozed off to the feeling of Keith’s arms wrapped around him, protecting him from the outside world, and he smiled as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
And in his dreams, Keith was there.