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When Cable had declared he’d stick around a little longer in Wade’s timeline, Wade didn’t expect him to squeeze his triangular shoulders into the cab’s backseat and head back to the X-Mansion with the rest of the team. He did, though, all five-feet and eleven-inches of him, weapons loaded in the trunk. His manly hipster infinity scarf was tickling Wade’s nose through the mask.
“Is this necessary?” That Russian accent was music to Wade’s blood-filled ears.
“Not my fault punk Ellen Degeneres didn’t bring your fancy jet. Or that Rasputin’s ass is the size of the backseat.” From the front seat, Negasonic rolled her eyes. Yukio sat in her lap, certainly unfazed by the situation. Wade thought her superpower might be her perpetual happiness. That and keeping her hair so silky.
Domino and Russell had taken the orphans back to the mansion in their lucky blue bus. Those kids’ series of unfortunate events was, thankfully, canceled. Wade himself was stretched across Colossus’ and Cable’s laps, his feet rubbing circles in the former’s abs, his head resting on the latter’s incredibly muscular thigh. He said as much, and Cable made a gruff sound. He couldn’t hide his smile, though. Wade watched that mouth for a long time.
“Are you dead?”
“Huh?” Did Wade detect concern in Cable’s tone? He poked at Cable’s cheek.
Cable slapped his hand down. “You haven’t moved in almost twenty minutes, and you smell like shit.”
“Juuuuust distracted by your beauty.” He got a good poke in and then relaxed again.
Cable popped his knee up so hard that Wade saw stars. Well, that could have been the night sky, since all that black and blue was there, too. Wade’s attention span was a little short and sloppy when he had to heal so much.
“Short and sloppy?”
Only when he bit his tongue did Wade realize he’d said that all out loud. “Heh, title of your sex tape,” he said on a laugh. His head hurt.
“What?”
“Nothing; I stole it from a TV show. Now run your hands through my hair like you love me, future man.”
Without glancing away from whatever fascinating scenery lay beyond the horizon, Cable replied, “You don’t have any hair.”
Wade gasped. “I don’t!? Curse you, early onset male-pattern baldness.”
Negasonic piped up from beyond the cab’s partition. “I hate you.”
Dopinder disagreed with her in some cute, non-argumentative, PG way, but Deadpool was too preoccupied by Cable’s facial scars to give the remark much thought. He fell asleep imaging little cartoon unicorns using those ridges for mating grounds.
Dreaming of Vanessa wasn’t surprising at this point. They kissed, talked about their feelings, and kissed some more. Wade couldn’t remember how her skin smelled. He apologized for that. She told him not to worry while trailing a finger down his arm. She whispered, “He’s not a bad looking guy.” Then, she disappeared, and the hazy gold turned black.
“Wade. Wade!” Colossus bellowed his name like he’d been trying to wake him for a long time.
Before he even opened his eyes, Wade shot up, his head colliding immediately with the cab’s roof. “Owie,” he pouted. Reaching both arms out to Colossus, he asked, “Daddy kiss my boo-boo all gone-sies?” When Colossus didn’t react, Wade changed tactics. He whipped his head from side to side, fast enough that his neck twinged. “Where’d my other boyfriend go?”
“Negasonic Teenage Warhead has purchased chimichangas and beer. She wants everyone to eat them while you sleep.”
“That’s--just--cold.” Wade struggled with the sentence as he extracted himself from the backseat. Although his body had technically healed, he was exhausted to the bone and more than a little emotional about the entire situation. Somersaulting outside, his ankle caught on the door handle and left him dangling for a few seconds. “Whew,” he said when he was finally standing. He sniffed. “Does it smell like chihuahua piss out here, or is it just you?”
“You have problem.”
“Problem singular? And Dom thinks she’s the lucky one. You brought beer to the school?”
“It is...special occasion. And you will finish it all before any students can partake.”
“Sweet. To the chimichangas!” He sprinted away before he even finished yelling his last words. The need for food was much stronger than the need to sleep or shower, though the team’s wrinkled noses when he burst through the kitchen doors reinvigorated the bathing bit.
The team was at the bar, and the idea of Colossus sitting on one of those stools was so comical Wade had to take a second to imagine it. Since the spot next to Cable was free, when he sobered, that’s where Wade sat. He draped his left leg over Cable’s right. Although Cable sighed, he didn’t push him away. Wade didn’t let up despite the tingling in his leg when it fell asleep.
Yukio passed him a plate. She’d saved some food for him, and also made a smiley face out of the sauce. It was goopy and runny and perfect. Negasonic rolled her eyes but also smiled fondly at her girlfriend. Wade thanked Yukio sincerely, and then he lifted his mask to chow down.
Five minutes of utter silence--save for chewing--followed. Wade’s stomach was super happy, but he still felt that little pang of waiting, of wanting, that fresh take-out just couldn’t satisfy. “Welp,” he said, and waited for everyone’s attention before continuing, “I’m gonna go jack off.”
“Ugh,” Negasonic yelled on a groan, with Yukio giggling at her side.
“He’s drunk,” Cable said. Even after taking out four beers in seven minutes, Wade was ready to argue that assessment, except Cable continued, “I’ll throw him in bed.” And then he squeezed Wade’s knee under the counter. Loaded peripheral eye contact was made as that hand drummed up his thigh.
Wade stumbled his best tipsy stumble off that stool so that he wound up on all fours. He shook the goods, stood, and threw his arm over Cable’s shoulders. Pointing down the hall, he directed his favorite non-British time traveler “thataway.”
Once they were alone, Cable asked, “Do they have a couch I can crash on?”
“Oh yeah, let an old white dude with a giant gun wander around the halls with schoolchildren.” Cable shot him a look, so Wade stuck out his tongue before lying, very well, “All the rooms are full, so you gotta stay with me.”
“Jesus. No.”
Wade waved him away with one hand as he used the other to pry off his boot. He was bouncing up and down, balanced on his left leg, and making slow progress toward his room. He shrugged at Cable’s protest. “Budget cuts. You should know; they hired you instead of Liam Neeson.” Knocking into the wall a few times on his way to his door, Wade ignored the paintings and pictures that fell; after the fourth or fifth oil portrait professor met his demise, Cable did, too.
Since he never locked his assigned guest room, Wade just turned the knob and stumbled inside all in one flailing motion. He fell to the floor face-first and didn’t bother to soften his landing.
“Ow,” he complained. Cable grunted and used his back as a stepping stone. He was on the bed before Wade could even finish mouthing motherfucker into the newly-shampooed carpet. Wade looked up from his place on the floor. “I’ve done some nasty stuff in that bed.” He said it heavy-eye-contact-and-lip-balm suggestively, wiggling his hips a little bit.
Cable groaned and rolled so that his back was turned. “Someone should sew your mouth shut.”
“Oh, they tried that already, big boy. Didn’t work out.” Wade stared at that solid mass of muscle that was Cable’s back. Okay, he wanted Wade to try harder. He could do harder.
Wade peeled himself out of the suit and threw it all in the hamper. Then, he took the fastest shower of his life, just to get all the blood and ash and dirt off. He also dried himself and put on briefs and a Hello Kitty shirt in record time, as worried as he was that Cable would pass out before they could get their fuck on.
He shouldn’t have worried. Cable was sitting up, legs off the bed, shirt off, using a damp towel to clean all the metal. Wade watched him finish. He watched him fold all of his accessories into a military-neat pile and sit them by his combat boots. He watched him lie back on the bed and close his eyes.
Too much sightseeing. Bad Deadpool.
But so worth it.
Wade jumped onto the mattress. His depth perception was still a little off, so he fudged the landing and needed to inch closer. During that olympian feat, he cooed, “Hey, Cable.”
“I’m so glad I didn’t let you die.”
“Thanks,” Wade quipped cheerfully, scooting closer.
Cable finally opened one eye. “Why.”
It wasn’t even close to a question, but Wade had never had any patience and wasn’t about to wait for some more public fondling to get a clue. He wiggled his arm out from under his head with the intention of just starting with some gentle booping, maybe a nose, but his hand did a last-second fuck it and went straight for the money shot. Hand over Cable’s crotch, Wade asked, “Am I offending you?”
Cable snorted. “I told you, you remind me of my wife.”
Wade raised what would have been an eyebrow if his face was not the fucked up product of some avocado hate sex, and, smiling, squeezed his hand. A little puff of air escaped Cable’s lips. Wade felt it against his cheek. “Lucky me.”
He flipped to his other side and grabbed the lube--almost empty, shit, he had meant to pick some up yesterday--from his nightstand and then stood, shimmying out of his briefs. He winked, too, and made a show out of stripping off his t-shirt. Wade tossed the lube to Cable, who caught it easily in one hand. The other was where Wade's hand had just been, massaging gently.
Wade’s stomach turned into some molten lava. Hot.
“I don't want another knife in my dick,” he added as he crawled back into the bed. “I'm not saying we can't explore that option in the future, but I haven't been well-fucked in a while, and I'm gonna need some straight-up cock from you up here, got it?”
“Got it.”
Wade liked how husky Cable’s voice sounded when he was horny and annoyed. He pretty unceremoniously shoved Cable’s pants down to his ankles, a little tired of being the only naked one. A little tired of waiting for that dick to be...
“Oh damn,” he said, “That’s way bigger than a strap-on.”
“Shut the fuck up, Wade.”
“Yeah, okay, but first--”
“Are you talking more than usual?”
“--can I put on some dubstep sex jams?”
That almost, almost got a laugh, and Wade smirked. His gaze flicked down to Cable’s cock, already hard and slick and leaking, and swallowed. He felt like the Juggernaut, all that electricity coursing through him, pinpointed exactly where he needed that cock to be. Fuck he was stupid for blowing up the apartment before finding that dildo.
“That was a full minute of silence. Did you go brain dead for good?”
Wade snapped out of his Vanessa and Cable spit-roasting fantasy enough to scowl. “Is that your idea of dirty talk?”
Cable sighed. “Are we doing this or not?”
“Oh I'm about to ride you so hard you'll get sent back to the future.”
“That's not how it works.”
“Oh my god, that's not even--forget it, just--” Wade swung his leg over Cable and straddled him, grinding their cocks together slowly. He hummed a little, the pleasure background to the excitement of knowing what was next. But as soon as he heard Cable moan, just a little, Wade grabbed Cable’s cock and guided it into himself, angling himself so he was all the way seated it a matter of seconds.
“F-fuck,” Cable stuttered, head falling back in surprise.
Wade was inclined to agree. Splaying his hands on Cable’s chest to steady himself, he raised himself and came back down again slowly, still figuring out the right angle; Cable grabbed his hips to ground him, pulling hard when he slipped too far out of Wade. He watched himself fucking Wade, and Wade watched the stars forming behind his closed eyelids.
Eventually, Cable bent both of his knees so Wade could lean back against his thighs. But things were still moving a little too slow for him.
“Fuck me like you mean it,” he gasped, clenching hard around Cable’s cock. Cable groaned and thrust his hips up a few times before pulling Wade’s shoulders down to his chest and flipping them over; Wade wrapped his ankles behind Cable’s back and his arms around Cable’s neck. His toes curled as Cable thrust into him with more force, shifting each time until Wade cried out something between a curse and Cable’s name. “You found the on switch,” he explained, even though he didn’t have to. Cable was smirking and fucking him as fast as he could. Wade closed his eyes again and just listened to the sound of Cable’s labored breaths, the creaking of the bed, the snap of his hips.
His cock burned. When he reached down to touch himself, though, Cable smacked his hand away. “You come when I’m ready.”
“Good God,” Wade whined, pulling his hand away to fist it in the bedsheets. “I don’t like you as much as the strap-on. Or the dildo.”
Cable licked a stripe from Wade’s collarbone to ear. After biting Wade’s earlobe, he laughed, the sound low and short. “Liar.”
Wade’s legs were shaking. His toes curled each time Cable pulled out and each time he thrust back into him. His entire body felt like a live wire; exposed, pulsing, sparks flying in every direction. And Cable was still going--Wade wondered how he had ever thought his own libido was impressive--, his whole body surging forward with each moment, sweat dripping down his neck and coating his chest. Wade couldn’t take it anymore.
“Cable--”
Cable grunted. “If you say ‘maximum effort,’ I will choke you.”
“Aaaaand I’m coming.”
Cable rolled his eyes, but had to choke back a cry of pleasure when Wade’s muscles seized up completely around his cock, getting ready for--
Wade came so hard his vision went white. He couldn’t even think enough to jack himself through the orgasm; he just yelled variations of “fuck” as cum covered his stomach and chest and neck. His whole body went limp after, truly boneless. His ankles slipped from Cable’s back.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Cable chastised, but he didn’t actually sound that upset.
“Hey, I think… uh… compliment. Testament to, to, your prowess. Huh,” Wade slurred. He felt a little like he was floating. He wiggled a little to test that he could still move his limbs and gasped when Cable’s still-hard cock brushed his prostate. “Ohmygod, you’re a machine. A sex machine. Sexbot. Fuck, I’m hooking up with a sexbot from the future? You don’t have like, more dicks hidden somewhere, do you?”
“Wade.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Wade let his legs fall so Cable would pull out, leaving him achingly empty and blissfully full at the same time, and shimmied his shoulders up the headboard. He licked his lips. “Come to daddy.”
“Christ.” Cable wrinkled his nose. “Do you have to--?” He stopped talking when Wade swallowed his cock down. “Fuck, nevermind.”
Wade hummed. Cable’s knees went weak.
Wade reached between Cable’s legs to give a little more attention to his balls, worried they felt too left out. He wished he was hard enough to appreciate the noises Cable made the way they deserved. But he already had Cable’s pre-cum leaking out between his thighs to appreciate, along with the way Cable was slowly starting to fuck his mouth. It didn’t take long for him to come after that.
He didn’t even try to warn Wade, just came and expected him to swallow. Wade liked that. Cable definitely knew him well.
When he was done, Cable collapsed next to Wade, his chest heaving. Wade looked over at him and tried to appear smug, but all he could think about was how Cable had been around for like, a while, and that it was actually a true fucking tragedy this was the first time he’d had his dick. When he could breathe again, Wade said, “This is the real reason you saved me, huh? You couldn’t stand living without knowing what it was like to be in this tight ass.”
“I regret this already.”
“Oh, you,” Wade poked Cable’s chest, voice saccharine sweet. “You're such a sweetheart.”
“Again, I will choke you,” Cable growled.
Wade patted his own limp dick. “Gimme two minutes of it and I can get this thing going again like that.” He snapped his fingers.
Cable caught Wade’s hand and pulled it toward him. Wade wanted to make a joke about biting, but his mouth went all dry and tingly as Cable kissed his knuckles. Just dry lips over burns and scars, and it somehow felt better than the great ass-pounding Wade had received.
“Y...you need chapstick,” Wade pointed out, his voice a little squeaky.
There was something soft in Cable’s eyes. The stark contrast made Wade’s stomach dance like a thousand butterflies riding the Coney Island Cyclone. Cable said, “Kiss ‘em better, Wade.”
Wade followed the order enthusiastically. A few minutes later, he pulled up for air. The room was spinning, all the lights were out, and the sun had gone down. They must have kept the house awake, though. Feeling like a teenager breaking curfew, Wade laughed. He squirted some more lube into his palm.
Cable eyed him with mock suspicion. “Really?”
“Bring it on,” he whispered. Then, much louder, “Hey Dom, getting lucky isn't a superpower anymore! Ha!”.
Cable pushed his legs apart and shut him up for the rest of the night.