Chapter Text
Hoseok cursed his friends, the three idiots. He cursed Jimin, he cursed Taehyung, and he especially cursed Jungkook as sirens sounded and he ran down the street, ducking into a narrow alleyway.
It was their entire fault, the dipshits.
It all began as a simple dare – Hoseok had dared Taehyung to streak across their old university football field; it was late and they were all drunk after meeting up for their weekly get-together (they always went for dinner on Saturday night). He had gotten caught by one of the security guards, who had recognized the four and let them go.
“You’re now working adults,” he had scolded, “You were a pain in my ass as students, you don’t have any excuse now! You’re the university alumni, stop giving it a bad name.” He had grabbed a hold of Jungkook, who had still yet to graduate, “You! You I’m writing up!”
Jungkook had pouted and the others had laughed.
Unfortunately, it didn’t end there. They decided to one up each other, the next week Taehyung had dared Jimin to crash a wedding at a nearby park, which he did – even posing in pictures and ended up being fed by all the old ladies. The following week Jimin dared Jungkook to break into the zoo at night and take a selfie with the penguins, a task Jungkook found quite easy as he scaled the cage wall while his friends giggled.
It was finally Hoseok’s turn – and Jungkook decided to dare him into breaking into the house of the homophobic old woman down the street from his and Tae’s apartment, who always glared when their four gay asses walked by. Taehyung and Jungkook had taken to be especially touchy feely whenever they saw her, the two soulmates would immediately make out or grab at each other’s ass. She would blanch at the sight and make the sign of the cross before scurrying away.
“Break into her house?” Hoseok had gasped, once they finished their third round of drinks, “Fuck, why the hell should I do that?”
“It’s your turn, hyung,” Jungkook had hiccupped.
“But why break in?” Hoseok insisted, slightly worried despite his heavily buzzed state.
“So you can leave gay erotic pictures all over her living room,” giggled Jungkook, making Taehyung and Jimin bark out a laugh and slap their knees, as if it was the funniest idea ever.
Okay, even Hoseok had to admit that imaging her reaction to the scene in the morning would be hilarious. However, that didn’t alter the fact that if Hoseok got caught he would be charged for a crime.
“I don’t want to get arrested,” he answered simply.
“Well, should have thought about that before making me commit public indecency,” Taehyung retorted.
“I also trespassed, hyung,” added Jungkook.
“I don’t know if I committed a crime,” Jimin laughed, “But that poor couple is going to wonder who I am, posing with their grandmothers.”
Well, fuck. Hoseok had gotten himself into this mess.
“Last time,” he held out his pinky for the others to promise, “This is the last time and then no more of these stupid dares.”
“Deal,” Jungkook squealed, excited at the thought of what their hyung was going to do.
They made their way to the 24-hour printing station to equip themselves with their ammo – pictures of lots of dudes naked and fucking. The employee gave them strange looks as they giggled while the pages printed.
“Do this one next,” Taehyung pointed, “It’s classy.”
“What’s so classy about porn?” Jimin had laughed.
“It’s all about the angles,” Taehyung insisted as the others started laughing, “It’s artistic. Look, this picture frames the penis perfectly.”
“Oh my god stop talking,” Jungkook shushed his boyfriend. Taehyung laughed, holding up his wrist – the words please stop talking written there permanently.
“Some things don’t change, do they?” Taehyung giggled. Jungkook rolled his eyes and held up his wrist, wow that must’ve been so embarrassing, did you wet yourself?
“Can you blame me, when these are the first words you say to someone you just met?” Jungkook sighed as Taehyung giggled, “Now I have people thinking I can’t control my bladder.” In reality, no, Jungkook had not wet himself, he had tripped and knocked over two other students and spilled his ramen on his pants. Taehyung had been nearby and tried to help him up, asking if Jungkook had wet himself when he noticed the dark patch.
“I think that should be enough pictures,” Hoseok spoke up nervously, looking at the huge pile they’d amassed.
“Yeah,” giggled Jimin, “Oh my god, hyung, I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
“Me neither,” Hoseok sighed.
---
I can’t believe I’m doing this, Hoseok thought to himself as he stood in front of the old woman’s house, his friends standing behind him.
“Get going!” Taehyung whispered, shoving Hoseok forward.
Fuck it, Hoseok thought as he started walking around the perimeter. He’d never broken into a house before; and he was hell of unsure how to go about it. He spied an open window – thank goodness! It was a pretty safe neighbourhood, so the old woman must’ve forgotten to close it before she slept.
It was a little high off the ground, so Hoseok stuck the pictures in his back pocket as he reached up and jumped, grabbing the windowsill with his hands. Even in his drunken state, he managed to pull himself up and stuck his upper body into the house. Unfortunately, he was still in a drunken state, and lost his balance – falling inside on his face.
Fuckity fuck fuck, Hoseok thought with a groan, rubbing his sore nose. He hoped he hadn’t woken her up.
He made his way to the living room, yanking out the pictures from his back pocket and began flinging them around the room. He ended up having a bit too much fun, twirling and holding back his giggles as pictures of naked men went flying around the room.
He heard a sound from the side and stopped spinning, turning to face who was there, apology on the tip of his tongue.
Instead he came across a man wearing a black mask covering the bottom portion of his face, holding a bag that looked like it was full. Hoseok’s eyes went wide – holy fuck he’d just broken into a house during the middle of a burglary.
The burglar looked down and frowned, picking up one of the pictures and holding it up. He turned to look at Hoseok, “Dude, that’s fucked.”
“Hey, you’re the one robbing her,” Hoseok whispered back. They stared at each other for a few moments, neither one expecting to be in this situation and unsure of how to proceed.
Suddenly, the lights flipped on and they both jumped as the old woman stood outside her bedroom in a long nightgown, curlers in her hair.
“I have already called the police!” she screeched, “They’ll be here any minute!”
“Fuck,” Hoseok swore, turning and running for the open window at the same time as the burglar. They bumped into each other and began to push, fighting their way to get out first.
“Back the hell up,” the burglar yelled, shoving Hoseok as he stuck his head out the window, “I can do some serious time for this.”
“Your own damn fault,” Hoseok answered, sticking his own head out the window, “This is my window, get your own.”
“I came through this one first!” the burglar protested, the two of them wrestling and losing their balance, as they both tumbled out of the window. Hoseok screamed, which turned into a groan when the burglar landed on top of him.
The burglar immediately got up and started running; Hoseok scrambled to his feet and began to sprint as well.
“Don’t follow me!” yelled the burglar as the sound of sirens could be heard.
“I’m not! I’m just running this way!” Hoseok answered, looking around for his friends. His eyes went wide when he saw them stumble into Jimin’s car and speed away. THOSE FUCKERS, I’M GOING TO KILL THEM.
He cursed them as he ran; losing track of the burglar who had managed to make a quick escape while the cop cars followed Hoseok. He quickly ducked into a narrow alleyway, knowing that there was no way the car would be able to follow him in there. He heard the car door open and footsteps begin to chase him – he thought his heart was going to fall out of his ass at any moment.
My mom’s going to kill me if she finds out. The thought made Hoseok run only faster. Here he was, 24 years old, and still terrified of his mother.
He turned the corner and nearly ran into the waiting cop – he must’ve seen where Hoseok was running and cut him off.
“Put your hands up!” he yelled, pointing his gun at Hoseok’s chest. Hoseok’s eyes went wide as he flung his hands up in the air.
“I’m innocent!” he screamed, as another cop came running up from behind him and collided into him, not expecting Hoseok to be standing still, sending both Hoseok and himself sprawling to the ground.
Hoseok turned to face the tall officer who had knocked him over, who quickly got to his feet and also pointed his gun at Hoseok.
“Hey, hey! Put your hands up!” he exclaimed, and Hoseok remained sitting as he raised his hands.
“I’m not the burglar!” he answered, as a third cop arrived on the scene.
“God damn it, Joon,” groaned the first cop, a short black haired male, as he rubbed his hand against his face, “How many times have I told you to look before you barge through?”
The tall male looked sheepish and gave Hoseok an apologetic smile, while the third cop, a beautiful looking man (Hoseok was a little awe struck), searched his pockets for any weapons.
“He’s not carrying anything,” the pretty, and also very tall, cop stated.
“Okay, on your feet,” the short cop instructed, as Hoseok struggled to stand up.
“Owwww,” Hoseok whined, immediately relieving the weight on his right foot as his ankle screamed in pain.
“Are you alright?” the pretty cop asked in concern, assisting Hoseok with an arm.
“I think I twisted my ankle,” Hoseok answered.
“Well freaking done, Namjoon,” scolded the pretty cop. Namjoon ducked his head in shame, mumbling apologies.
“Okay,” the short cop came and stood in front of Hoseok, arms crossed, “If you’re not the burglar, why were you in Mrs. Kwon’s house?”
Throwing around naked pictures of guys, Hoseok thought wryly. Yes, that would get him arrested for sure. Instead, he gave a guilty little smile.
The short cop sighed, turning to the other two. “Namjoon, Jin-hyung, book him.”
It wasn’t until they were back at the station, Hoseok sitting on one side of the table with the three cops sitting on the other side, did he tell them everything.