Chapter Text
Ike had a good handful of friends. People he’d tolerate, even if he mostly preferred to be left alone. Acquaintances might actually have been a better description, he couldn’t imagine inconveniencing himself over them too much. They didn’t spend any time with him specifically, he more often than not just a butt in a chair at lunch.
And he was totally fine with that.
He didn’t really rely on others for happiness. There were few people he actually liked, to be honest. His brother was an okay guy, he at least respected Ike and that was genuinely appreciated. His tendency to ‘mother’ drove him absolutely fucking crazy, but things could be worse. He’d deal with it, he was used to Kyle at this point.
Anyway, the point being, Ike had no friends in this circle and there was no reason why Karen McCormick should be throwing rocks at his window right now.
First of all, she was older than him and didn't know him outside of her brother was old friends with his brother. Secondly, she was a mostly nice girl, to the point where even Ike would feel bad poking fun at her.
So, instead of some smarmy comment, Karen simply got Ike throwing open his window and staring down at her.
“Why?” He asked, simply, torn between being intrigued and just annoyed.
The girl grinned up at him, hair pulled back in a hasty ponytail and her pink coat askew. She waved him down and he was tempted to say ‘no.’ He was comfortable and in sweatpants and was about to curl up with a snack and a new video after finishing his homework. He didn't need to be running around outside, no matter what reason Karen McCormick thought was important enough to risk breaking a windowpane.
But he was just too damn curious.
Glad Kyle wasn’t home so he’d have to hear another ‘you’re leaving your room?!’ joke, Ike skipped every two steps to pause in the kitchen, just long enough to pull his black jacket over his head and trot out the back door.
“You know, I own a cell phone,” He said, ruffling his black hair back into shape as he approached. “I hope you didn’t break anything throwing rocks.”
“They were acorns,” Karen differentiated. “And I need to talk to you. I need some help. Come on,” And with that, the girl hopped over the Broflovski’s fucking six-foot fence like a parkour master and headed to the playground.
Ike stared after her, puzzled, and sent a glance towards the gate. Well now he’ll just seem like a pussy.
He went through the gate anyway, knowing that him toppling over the fence would be far more embarrassing. There were too many eyes in South Park, too many people that couldn't mind their own business or stop gossiping for two seconds. He wanted to actually survive high school, thanks. Karen was sitting on the swings, and Ike took a respectful distance from the playground to raise an eyebrow in perfect imitation of his brother.
“Thanks, Ike,” Karen said, swinging slightly on the set. She looked unhappy, worn boots marking patterns on the playground gravel. “I just want to know something, something you can’t tell Kyle I asked.”
Ike cringed.
“Oh god, please don’t have a crush on my brother,” The boy more or less pleaded. “I can’t take being asked this all the time. Look, Kyle doesn’t date anymore, he’s not interested. In anyone. Ever. Until the end of time.”
“Not me,” Here Karen turned a bit sharp, giving the boy a look that clearly said she thought he was a dummy. “Kenny. What does Kyle think of Kenny?”
Ike blinked.
His brother had become something of a loner, too, spending time with Stan mostly through middle and up to high school, until the boys had a bit of a falling-out. Nothing super bad, but the once best-friends simply drifted, and yeah. It was a little sad, because Stan was cool, and no one was more torn up about that than Kyle.
As for other friends…Ike watched his brother deck Cartman in the face recently at the bus stop and it was awesome. He laughed himself into tears the whole time he dragged his stupid brother away from the guy. He’d deserved it, turns out Kyle was far more tolerant of bigoted slurs when they weren’t directed at his little brother. All Cartman had to do was tack ‘junior’ onto it and Kyle lost his fucking mind. It was amazing.
Ike was appreciative and told Kyle to never assume he couldn’t punch the bastard himself ever again.
So Cartman and Stan were out of the picture, lately. That left Kenny, pretty much, who Kyle was avoiding for a very different reason than the other two.
Kenny McCormick, Karen’s older brother.
Oh, there was a reason Kyle didn’t date anymore, even though Ike never told potential suitors why. The boy was completely, entirely in love with his childhood friend.
‘Kenny?! Really?!’ Ike had said, surprised. Because Kyle first of all hadn’t gone after guys previously. Okay, that wasn’t totally accurate. Ike tacked the term ‘demi’ onto his brother and it really seemed to fit, Kyle was more apt to fall for a person he knew and admired more than someone he thought was attractive, and boy had it taken him by surprise how much Kyle admired Kenny. A ridiculous amount, turned out. Kyle thought Kenny hung the stars.
“Why?” Ike said now, to Karen, suspicious. He wasn’t divulging anything unless he knew more. Under penalty of death. He took an oath.
“Why?” Karen said back, eyes watching him sharply. “What’s Kyle think of Kenny?”
“What does Kenny think of Kyle?” Ike parroted, both siblings at a stalemate.
Karen narrowed her eyes, tilting her head sideways. “I asked first.”
“You said ‘not me’,” Ike pointed out. “Do you mean Kenny has a crush on Kyle?”
Karen’s expression was almost terrifyingly scrunched up, to the point where it looked like it hurt.
“Come on, give me something,” Ike prodded. “I’m not giving out anything unless I know you’re not going to use it somehow.”
“You’re the sneaky one!” Karen pointed out. “Out of us both, who’s more trustworthy?”
Well shit. Had him there.
“Let’s just say that if Kenny did, hypothetically, like my brother,” Ike rolled his eyes. “Kyle wouldn’t be upset.”
“Kenny likes Kyle,” Karen said immediately.
“Kyle is in-fucking-love with your brother,” Ike replied tiredly, slumping against a tree. “And I’m so tired of listening to him suffer over it.”
“Same here!” Karen said earnestly. “I mean, I don’t mind but it’s really starting to get to him.”
Ike made a face, arms crossed. Karen was watching him expectantly.
“Well?” He said, feeling awkward. This was why he had no friends. “Go tell Kenny my dumb brother likes him back. Then maybe we can both get a break.”
“Kenny won’t believe it,” Karen said dully, pushing herself again. “He won’t say anything.”
Ike considered. “Kyle might, if he knows Kenny likes him.” Or. “If he believes me,” He said awkwardly. “Do…you want to tell him? He’d probably believe you.”
Karen winced. “I just…I don’t know, I’d feel weird just telling Kyle that. Kenny told me not to tell him anything, ever. Even over his grave, say nothing.”
“And I thought Kyle was dramatic,” Ike commented. He sighed, feeling an incoming headache. “Great. They’re both morons.”
“Yep.” Karen picked at a hole in her tights. “I don’t know what to do.”
Ike would suggest going back to their respective houses and letting the boys sort themselves out, but he hesitated. Kyle was getting ready to leave town soon. He was running out of time. And it… yes, there was a good chance he could find someone else, somewhere, but this was intense and it was reciprocated, and…
Fuck it.
“Well, let’s kick them in the ass,” Ike said, startling Karen. “Just get them to talk to each other. They’ll fix it themselves.”
The high school girl grinned, mischief taking over the expression. “I’m for an ass-kicking. What can we do?”
--
Ike got back home right after Kyle. The boy was glumly perusing a textbook with a salad, and the picture was just…sad. A sad brother, a textbook, and a salad. Pathetic.
Ike hopped up onto the barstool next to him, making Kyle arch an eyebrow at him. Ike had become impervious to the look years ago.
“Hey,” He said, having no idea what words were coming out of his mouth next. “Wanna go for a hike tomorrow?” Best be straightforward. Karen and he decided that was best. Both of their brothers had taken them into the woods regularly, this was a normal thing and wouldn’t raise many suspicions.
Supposedly.
Kyle’s suspicious look turned outright confused. He looked at Ike like he wasn’t sure who he was, immediately suspicious.
“Why?” He asked, drawing out the word.
Ike rolled his eyes, formulating the utterly perfect response. Smiling, trying to keep it from turning into a smirk, he shrugged.
“Look, you’re out of here soon,” He mentioned, watching Kyle’s brows twitch slightly. He didn’t know where this was going. “I figured I need to spend as much time with you as I can until you leave me to fend for myself around here. I’m actually going to miss you, you know.”
That got him. Kyle was taken aback, actually surprised.
He shouldn’t be. Despite Ike being in his ‘cool teenage phase’ as his mother tutted over, he wasn’t about to deny that Kyle was a good brother. He wasn’t a huge snitch and he was around to help him with anything he needed. His brother loved him, Ike never doubted that. Kyle deserved to be happy, and if Kenny was the key to that, Ike was a hundred percent on board.
“So yes? Maybe?” Ike prodded carefully, and his brother smiled, looking actually happy for the first time in a while. It made him feel guilty.
“Sure,” The redhead looked cheered up considerably.
“I’ve got some things to do, around ten okay?” He asked, and Kyle nodded.
“Of course,” He said, and this was fucking killing him. He really should spend some time with Kyle before this was all over. His brother seemed way too happy that Ike actually wanted to spend time with him. Goddamn it.
Ike caved and gave his brother a quick half-hug. And by half-hug he basically leaned on him a second and quickly backed off, embarrassed. Kyle looked touched.
“See you tomorrow, bro,” He said cheerfully, and traipsed up the stairs before he could screw it up somehow.
He locked his door behind him, kicking his shoes off to fall onto his bed. Okay. Well. Hopefully tomorrow things would get fixed. And once they were, Ike and Karen could tease him and Kenny about this for the rest of their lives. ‘Remember when you were too stupid to realize you liked each other and we had to actually stage an intervention?’
Embarrassing material for the greater good of everyone involved. What more could he ask for?