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The wind was howling loudly in his ears, cold and violent, and Bucky could see the sheer panic on Steve’s face.
“Grab my hand!”, the words were nearly swallowed by the noise around them but Bucky caught them anyway. Steve was hanging on the side of the train, trying to reach him, trying to pull him back to safety and Buck wanted to scream, wanted to tell him not to risk his stupid ass for him but at the same time he just wanted to grab that hand. He wanted to live.
There was a screeching sound and Bucky knew – he knew – it would be only seconds until the handle he was hanging on would break off and if he was going to die anyway, he might as well do it while trying to survive.
Steve’s heart stopped for the split of a second and he could already see Bucky fall, further and further -
Suddenly, there was a weight on his arm, two hands grabbing him tightly and before Steve knew what he was doing he was hauling both of them up, back into the train.
He was lying on his back, Bucky on top of him, arms tightly wrapped around the brunet and he was distantly aware that he was talking, babbling, sobbing words into Bucky’s neck while tears were running down his face.
“’s okay. I’m okay, Steve. We’re okay.”, Bucky whispered into his ears, his voice shaky and full of fear. “We’re okay.”
“Oh my god. Oh my – fuck! Fucking shit, dammit – I – Buck – Bucky, oh my god, I thought – I thought, I – You could have –“
“I know, I know. But I didn’t. I didn’t, Stevie. Look at me.”, Bucky pushed himself up, forcing Steve to loosen his grip but he didn’t want to, he didn’t ever want to let him go again but he also wanted to see Bucky’s face, had to see him, had to know that this was real, that Bucky was alive.
“Bucky…”, it was all he could say at the moment, all he could think.
BuckyBuckyBuckyBuckyBucky
“Steve.”, it sounded like a prayer, like all the word of the world could be expressed with just that one name and something inside Steve snapped because, goddammit, I nearly lost him. I nearly lost Bucky. Again, and, I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t ever leave me. And then he was rushing upwards, pressing his lips to Bucky’s, grabbing his head and burying his fingers into thick, dark hair, not thinking, just feeling and Bucky was kissing him back, violently, licking into his mouth like a starving man.
It was kind of a blur. One minute, Bucky was lying on top of Steve, kissing him and the next he and the rest of the Commandos were sitting on a plane that would take them back to London.
He felt numb, shell shocked, and he knew the real horror had jet to settle in. The realization of what had happened – what had nearly happened. There was a blanked hanging over his shoulders together with Steve’s arm who was pressing up against him, holding him close, and Bucky had no words for how grateful he was for that. No one dared to speak a word. He could feel the eyes of the Howling Commandos resting on them, questioning, curious, understanding, but no one asked and for that he was grateful as well.
They must have fallen asleep at some point because when he opened his eyes again, his head was leaning against Steve’s shoulder and Steve’s head was resting on his own. The engines had been turned off which meant that they had most likely arrived and he wondered for one moment why no one had woken them up, when he saw Peggy Carter sitting across from them, a strange expression on her face.
“We’re back in London.”, she informed him as soon as their eyes met and Bucky nodded carefully and pulled his head back so he could wake Steve.
“Buck?”, Steve slurred.
“Right here, Stevie”, at this point he didn’t even care anymore what Carter was thinking of them so he gently took Steve’s hand into his own and squeezed lightly, “Right here.”
Steve blinked, tears glistening in his eyes, “I thought you’d died.”
“I didn’t”
“It was a near miss,” Peggy cut in and only now did Steve seem to realize that they weren’t alone. He sat up straight and even though he didn’t really move away from Bucky, the loss of contact hurt. “You two do seem to have a way with near death experiences.”. It was impossible to say what was going on in her mind as she looked at the men. “I’m sure you’re both tired and you deserve some rest but you still need to attend the debriefing.”, she announced and stood up to leave the plane, obviously expecting them to follow.
The debriefing was excruciating and Steve wished more than once that he could just leave. He had to explain over and over again what had happened, what they had seen on the train, how Bucky had almost –
“With all due respect, sir,” he said after Phillips had asked the same question for the third time, “But my team and I have answered all your questions already and we will file an official report which will clear up anything else. If you don’t mind, I would prefer if we continue this in the morning.”
“Of course, Captain Rogers.”, the Colonel answered, “You and Sergeant Barnes, please report to my office tomorrow at 0900. Dismissed.”
Steve let out a breath of relief while he and the rest of the Howling Commandos left the conference room. Now that all the adrenaline had left his system, he felt shaken and weak, as if he couldn’t breathe and for a moment he feared that his asthma had come back but that was ridiculous…he just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to forget any of this had happened.
They were all walking back to the room they were sharing when Dum Dum suddenly announced he would go to a pub to get a drink and suggested the others should join him while Bucky and Steve should go to sleep, “No offence, Cap, but you two look like you’re gonna fall over any minute now.”, he added with a sympathetic smile. Had Bucky been in a better condition, he would have noticed the silent argument between Falsworth and Morita, or the knowing smile on Jones’ face, but as it was, he was dead on his feet and also dying to be alone with Steve again so he didn’t argue when the blond all but carried him further down the hallway while the others headed out.
“Steve?”, he asked quietly once had a sagged onto his cot, “Can you – I really don’t wanna be alone right now.”, he didn’t dare look up at his friend but instead kept his eyes fixed on his hands.
“Well then, scoot over.”, Steve demanded like it was nothing.
The cots weren’t really made for two grown men but then again, Steve and he had been sharing a bed for years even though Steve had been much smaller and the circumstances had been very different. They managed, and Bucky was kind of glad for the tight fit, for Steve being pressed up against him with no room for air, for the strong arms that were holding him, for the smell of sweat and dirt and Steve that was surrounding him.
“Buck?”, Steve mumbled into his hairline.
“Hmm?”
“Are we gonna talk what happened?”
Bucky could feel the steady rhythm of Steve’s heartbeat picking up slightly and he could feel his own body tense up for a moment before melting back into the embrace of his friend.
“Which part? The one where I nearly fell of the train or…”, he trailed off, not sure if he could finish the sentence – not sure if he should.
“The second part.”, Steve answered and Bucky could feel him holding his breath.
“You kissed me”
“I did.”
“I kissed you back”
“You did.”
Bucky could still feel the shadow of Steve’s lips on his own, could still taste the desperation and the panic and…it all seemed so simple all of a sudden and there wasn’t really anything to talk about because they had kissed and they both knew what it had meant and that was it. Slowly, Bucky moved his head up so that he was eye to eye with his best friend – the man he had loved since they had both been kids – and covered Steve’s mouth with his own. It was nothing more than a faint brush of lips, innocent and sweet, but it answered everything and Bucky pressed himself back against Steve’s chest, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.
Steve woke up to the sound of hushed voices and for a moment, he didn’t know where he was and then –
“Bucky”, his eyes wide open, Steve tried to sit up but was stopped by a weight on his chest. He looked down. Bucky’s head was resting there, eyes closed and his face relaxed. He looked so peaceful and free of worries; the hard lines that usually surrounded his eyes, gone.
“Morning Cap.” Steve turned his head and saw Dugan sitting on his own cot, a shit eating grin on his face while he wriggled his eyes brows.
“Piss off, Dugan.”, Bucky muttered into Steve’s chest without opening his eyes, pressing his face even more into the fabric of his shirt. One of the guys barked out a laugh and Dernier muttered something in French that sounded suspiciously like ‘married idiots’ and as mortifying as this should have been, Steve found himself smiling faintly.
He was okay. Bucky was alive. Bucky was right here, with him. He was okay.
The meeting with Phillips didn’t hold any new revelations, except that Zola was apparently ‘singing like the USO girls’ and that ‘you’re unit is on leave until we find out what they’re planning next’. Both were good news and the Commandos celebrated respectively the following night.
It took three months to find the HYDRA Headquarters; to work out a plan. There was a lot of arguing involved, between Steve, Agent Carter and Colonel Philips and even more shouting between Bucky and Steve because ‘you are not going in alone, you fucking idiot!’ and ‘I don’t care that you’re my commanding officer, hell, you could be the fucking President and I would still tell you: No. Fucking. Way.’, but also ‘I’m not letting die, Stevie. It’s my job to keep you safe and if I have to lock you up in a cell. Don’t think I wouldn’t – god, why do you have to be so goddam stubborn!’. The majority of the SSR witnessed those shouting matches with great amusement but also slight confusion and horror because well…Steve was Captain America after all. Not that Bucky cared about that.
Eventually they did manage to find something that wouldn’t put Steve’s life at risk any more than it usually was and that gave Bucky the opportunity to be at the Captain’s side because he was adamant on never leaving that again.
The fight itself was almost easy – too easy – and of course Steve had to run after Schmidt and of fucking course Bucky was following him. Not running, mind you, but rather sitting in a car with Agent Carter and Colonel Philips to chase after the plane.
“Get in, Punk!”, Bucky yelled and almost laughed when he saw the confused look in the blonde’s eyes.
“Keep it steady!”
Bucky very much wanted to punch Steve in that moment because only an idiot like him would attempts to jump on a plane that was about to take off.
“Wait.”, Carter held Steve back for just a moment to press a kiss to his cheek and Bucky could see him blushing before looking at Bucky with apologetic eyes and maybe that was the moment he decided to fuck this shit, I’m coming with you, or maybe that had been his plan all along. He really wasn’t sure and it wasn’t like it mattered anyway because here he was, on some HYDRA high tech plane with his best guy and a crazy German with a red skull as a head…I guess stranger things have happened.
“You don’t give up, do you?”, Schmidt asked and Bucky didn’t even have to look at his friend to know what expression he was wearing. Anger and righteousness.
“Nope”
And then Steve’s shield was flying through the air while Bucky tried to get a good shot – and missed. The Red Skull was fast, his enhanced body keeping up with Steve’s almost effortlessly but it wasn’t just Steve he was fighting. One well – placed kick from Bucky sent Schmidt flying into the glowing machine in the middle of the cockpit.
“What have you done?”
A strange looking, blue cube landed on the floor, alien and wrong. So very wrong.
“What the fuck?”, Bucky breathed out when it began to glow even brighter in Schmidt’s hand, opening the sky except that wasn’t any sky he had ever seen. Beautiful and foreign and far, far away.
“Schmidt's dead.”, Steve announced over the radio, sitting tensely in the seat, Bucky next to him.
“What about the plane?”
Steve glanced over to Bucky who covert Steve’s hand with his own, “That's a little bit tougher to explain”
“Give me your coordinates, I'll find you a safe landing site.”
“There's not going to be a safe landing.”, Bucky explained, his face unreadable, “But we can try and force it down.”. He was right of course.
“I'll get Howard on the line, he'll know what to do.”
And, god, what Steve wouldn’t give for that to be true…
“There's not enough time.”, he argued, eyes fixed on the controls before him.
Bucky elaborated, “This thing's moving too fast and it's heading for New York. We gotta put her in the water.”, he squeezed Steve’s hand.
“Please, don't do this. We have time. We can work it out.”
“Right now we’re in the middle of nowhere. If we wait any longer a lot of people are gonna die.”
“Peggy, this our choice”, Steve dared a look to his side where Bucky was sitting in the co – pilot seat, his face a mask of calmness and Steve – Steve understood. He wasn’t afraid of dying. Not anymore. He was here with Bucky, the man he loved more than anything and…it was okay. “ Peggy?”
»I'm here. «
“Gonna need a rain check on that dance.”, he said, still looking at Bucky who was looking right back at him, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Alright. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”
“You got it.”
“Eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late. Understood?”
“You know, he still doesn’t know how to dance.”, Bucky chuckled lightly, his grip on Steve’s hand getting just a little bit tighter and Steve turned his hand to entwine their fingers.
»I’m sure you’ll show him «
There was nothing else to say. They were speeding towards the ice. Closer and closer and closer and closer.
“Punk.”
“Jerk.”
“Curve ball, high and outside for ball one. “, Bucky distantly registered the voice of the radio man. There was something familiar abut it…something he knew, something…”So the Dodgers are tied, 4-4. And the crowd well knows that with one swing of his bat, this fellow's capable of making it a brand-new game again.”
Steve!
Against his better judgement, Bucky sat up abruptly, blinking at the unfamiliar surroundings.
“Buck?”, a sluggish voice came from his right and within seconds, Bucky had crossed the room to be at Steve’s side.
»Steve. «, even to his own ears his voice sounded urgent. Alerted. Steve reacted respectively and took in the room. It seemed like an ordinary hospital room except…there was something off. Something Buck couldn’t explain. The room was too sterile, too perfect, like in the pictures he and Steve had gone too sometimes when they’d had the money and that game…he exchanged one look with Steve who gave only the slightest nod.
“Pearson beaned Reiser in Philadelphia last month. Wouldn't the youngster like a hit here to return the favour?”
They didn’t talk; it wasn’t safe since anyone could be watching them. It wasn’t like they had to anyway – perks of knowing someone for over twenty years – but Steve was as clueless as he was.
He heard the steps approaching the door before the handle was pushed down and a woman walked in. Wrong! She opened her mouth but before she could speak, Bucky had already moved in front of Steve protectively, “Where are we?”, he demanded to know and the woman frowned, “You’re in a recovery room in New York City.”
“Yeah no. Try again.”
“Buck.”, Steve had moved closer now, lying a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back a bit to stand next to him.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”, the woman replied with a wavering smile.
“The game,”, Steve pointed out, his voice firm, “It’s from May 1941. I know because I was there.”, he stepped closer, “Now answer the question. Where are we?”
“Captain Rogers…”, the woman took a step back, clearly intimated.
“Who are you?”, Bucky asked, directing her attention towards him once again and he nearly missed the twitch of her hand, but only nearly, before the door burst open and two men stormed in, heavily armed. Reacting on instinct, Bucky attacked the left one, while Steve took care of the other and both were thrown through the wall into a hallway. Without stopping to think, Bucky took hold of Steve’s hand and dragged him outside, blinking at the complete change of scenery – this clearly wasn’t a hospital. It looked like…actually, Bucky had no idea what it looked like.
“Come on.”, Steve muttered and started running, Bucky close on his heels. He could hear the woman shouting after them; telling them to wait but neither did. There were more soldiers. More people. All carrying weapons that looked unfamiliar, all wearing clothes that seemed weird and – holy shit!
They had burst through a door onto the street outside, except…
“Gotta keep moving, Rogers.”, Bucky grumbled and Steve could only agree because this was…this was…there were buildings everywhere. High, ugly buildings. The pavements were filled with odd looking people and the streets with cars that looked more like they had come straight out of the Stark ExPo.
Steve had no idea where they were running except that they had to keep going, further and further and further away and –
Suddenly, they were surrounded by six, no seven black cars, blocking their way, men in black uniforms pouring out on the street, surrounding them and he and Bucky stood back to back, trying to protect each other against the unknown enemy.
“At ease, soldiers.”, a deep voice commanded and a tall, black man with a leather coat and an eye patch stepped forward. Steve could feel Bucky tense up behind him but it was prove of their deep trust that he didn’t turn around but rather kept covering Steve’s back while the strange man began to explain.
They were back at S.H.I.E.L.D. and a whole army of scientists, therapists and whatnot started poking them with needles, shoving them onto treadmills, handing them piles and piles of books, and asking millions of questions, and by the end of the day Bucky felt exhausted and empty and lost. So, so lost.
2011.
He still couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around that. It was surreal. Almost ridiculous. Except that Bucky had no doubt that it was the truth because no one – absolutely no one – could be able to make all this up.
They weren’t allowed to leave the building. Technically. But Bucky hadn’t been the best sniper of the US Army for nothing and Steve was a tactical genius, so they found a way and were currently walking through the streets of New York, marvelling at all the things that had changed.
“Do you trust them? S.H.I.E.L.D.?”, Steve asked carefully.
“Not for one second.”, Bucky grumbled. He couldn’t even explain it, just that it made something inside him cringe. Maybe it was the secrecy. Maybe Director Fury. Or maybe the fact that everyone called them ‘Captain America’ and ‘the Sergeant’ instead of their names. Never their names. It seemed to Bucky like S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t viewing them as people but as exciting new toys. Assets. They wanted to know what they could do so they could use their skills. Bucky hated it.
“Good,” Steve nodded, “I don’t trust them either.”
“We could always leave,” Bucky suggested.
“And go where?”
“Somewhere. Anywhere. Doesn’t really matter, does it?”
They had stopped, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, looking at each other and Bucky could practically hear Steve thinking as he began to chew on his bottom lip and before Steve opened his mouth to give an answer, Bucky already knew what it was going to be.
“I don’t think I can.”, he muttered, “Not yet, anyway. I might not trust them but…I can’t just walk away either.”
“I know.”
“But if you wanna leave –“
“Gonna stop you right there,” Bucky cut in, “I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Seriously, when are you gonna get it into that thick head of yours that I’m with you ‘til the end of the line?”.
The slightly anxious expression on Steve’s face smoothed out into a smile, “I – you know I love you, right?”, he asked, voice barely more than a whisper.
“Don’t get soft on me, Rogers.”, Bucky shot back but he couldn’t help the grin that spread on his own face, “Punk”
“Jerk.”
“I love you too, Stevie.”
“Trouble sleeping?
Both he and Bucky ignored the man in the shadow while Steve smoothly dodged Bucky’s fist and Bucky caught the kick aimed at his side, using the momentum to bring Steve to the ground who in turn rolled them over so that he had Bucky pinned underneath him, grinning down at the brunette, “Not bad, Barnes. Not bad at all.”.
It was true. Bucky had changed; physically that is. It didn’t take a genius to work out that HYDRA must have done something to him, something that made him almost as strong as Steve. But only almost.
“Can’t say the same thing about you, Rogers.”, Bucky retorted with a wink.
Steve rolled his eyes and told his boyfriend to shut up before getting back to his feet and facing Fury.
“Sir,” he greeted the man. Steve felt weary of the Director, unable to assess him and his intentions and he knew Bucky felt the same, “Are you here for a mission?”
“Yes, I am.”, Fury answered.
“What kind of mission?”, Bucky asked slightly suspicious before catching himself and quickly adding a polite, “Sir.”
“You two weren’t the only ones that have been found in the ocean,” Fury explained and handed Steve a file, “The Tesseract. A possible source of unlimited power.”
“Yeah, we’ve seen it,” Bucky muttered, while reading the report over Steve’s shoulder.
“Who took it from you?”, Steve asked and…well…he should have known that if things like the Internet and microwaves were a thing in the 21st century, then Aliens couldn’t be far off.
Natasha Romanoff was one scary woman.
Bruce Banner seemed kind of shy and nervous.
Phil Coulson was downright creepy with his trading cards and the way he kept ogling Steve.
And then there was Tony Stark…
“What did you just say?”, Bucky snarled and stepped forward, completely ignoring Steve’s warning look and the urged “Buck.”
“You heard me,”, Stark narrowed his eyes, now faced with two Super Soldiers.
“Say it again, I dare you.”, there was flicker of uncertainty on Stark’s eyes. “’Cause let me tell you a secret, Stark. Steve Rogers is the best man I’ve ever known. He stood up against bullies when he was just a sickly child with no money or family. He rescued 400 men single handedly from a HYDRA facility. He drove a fucking plane into the ocean to save an entire city. Without him, you probably wouldn’t even be alive. So, go on, tell me how everything special about him came out of a bottle.”, he had stepped closer and closer the longer he had talked, forcing Stark to step back, cornering him against a table and he looked…scared.
“Bucky, stop it.”, Steve said suddenly, laying a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “It’s not worth it.”
Bucky very much begged to differ but he also saw how it might not be a good idea to pick a fight right now.
Stark opened his mouth but in that very moment one of the computers started beeping and they all turned around to see where the Tesseract was and Stark immediately turned to leave.
“You’re not going alone.”, Steve argued because of course he would.
“You gonna stop me?”
“Put on the suit, let’s find out.”, Steve challenged and Bucky rolled his eyes while at the same time, he would have loved to see the fight between these two before having a few rounds him-
The whole Helicarrier was shaken by what felt like an explosion.
Shit.
“Put on the suit!”, Bucky yelled, holding himself and Steve up against a wall and to his surprise Tony nodded, “Yep!”
Aliens! Aliens flying trough a portal in the sky that led to another dimension. It could have been exciting if they weren’t currently fighting for their lives.
“I swear, Steve, you do something like that again, I’m gonna shoot you with a tranquilizer and bind you up in some basement.”, Bucky threatened over the coms.
“My, my, that’s kinky, Serg.”, Tony commented.
“Shut up, Stark.”
Steve had no time to actually respond to any of it because yet another Alien came flying right at him but before it had the chance to even come remotely close, the Chitauri fell from its Chariot and landed on the hard concrete. Dead.
“I had him on the ropes,” Steve muttered.
“Of course, you did.”, there was that trademark smirk in Bucky’s voice, the one that meant mischief and havoc.
“Boys, less flirting, more fighting.”, Natasha cut in and Steve couldn’t help but agree, throwing his shield at the next oncoming enemy.
“We won”
Well, that’s one of putting it, Bucky thought. He looked around, immediately wishing he hadn’t. Even if this wasn’t his New York, it was someone’s and now…now most of it was a pile of dust and debris.
“And then Shawarma after.”
Bucky had no idea what Shawarma was supposed to be but he went along anyway because he was exhausted and hungry and there was nothing else to do. Once they were at the restaurant, he immediately sank down onto Steve’s lap, completely not caring at all what anyone else might think and ignoring the curious looks they received from the rest of the team while Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s middle, head resting against the brunette’s back.
There was a beat and then, “So, Cap –“
“Steve.”, Steve interrupted Stark.
“What?”
“My name is Steve, not Cap, not Captain Rogers or America or any other variation of the above.”
Steve’s words were met with shocked silence and Bucky, too, tensed slightly. He turned around, almost straddling the blonde’s lab and asked, “You okay?”. Steve looked incredibly tired and…old, when he raised his head, smiling faintly, “Let’s go somewhere.”, he replied.
“Where?”
“Anywhere.”