Chapter Text
“Where is Jamie anyway?” Connor hands over a twenty to his stand-in dealer in exchange for four ready rolled blunts. His parents were getting increasingly suspicious of his smoking habits and every time they so much as caught a whiff of weed, they were ransacking his room and flushing the drugs before he’d had the chance to enjoy them.
At least this way he can smoke two on the way home, and two in the morning while his perfect family sleeps, leaving no evidence save for his glassy eyes and blissed-out attitude.
“Hell if I know.” McKenzie drawls, scratching at the back of his neck with a shrug. Jamie’s been missing for weeks, Connor hasn’t seen him the past few times and it’s starting to worry him. Mainly because McKenzie never invited him in for a smoke, or to test out any new gear. “He was trying out this new pill, last I heard. Squip or some shit.”
“Squip? The fuck kinda name is that?”
Another shrug from McKenzie. Fat lotta use he is.
Still, Connor’s curiosity is spiked and he wants to know more about this new drug. “Upper? Downer? What’s it do?”
“I dunno man, he just upped and went. Like his life turned around.”
“You don't think anything happened to him, right?”
“Nah, he's been seen around the city. Apparently looking better than he's ever looked.”
Weird. But if this squip was enough to get Jamie to renounce a decade of dealing drugs and vanish, he must be enjoying himself.
“Crazy. Text me if you get any of that in.” I gotta test this shit out! “Later dude!”
And with that he’s out the door, punching the digits of Jared Kleinman’s number into his phone as he slopes on home in the dark. If anyone knows about it, it’ll be him.
“Hey! Jared! Long time no speak. What do you know about a drug called a squip?”
*****
Weeks later, Connor is perched on the edge of his mattress, rolling a little grey pill between his fingers. This is the drug which evidently changed Jamie’s entire outlook on life, but would it change his own?
Already he’d tossed the warning labels aside, if he was gonna die who gave a shit? Certainly not him, if this stupid little pill doesn’t make his life better, it better kill him. Connor’s grown so tired of chasing new and exciting highs in attempts to drown his demons, and he’s rapidly running out of options.
Heaving a sigh, Connor shuffles back against the headboard and closes his eyes, tossing the pill to the back of his throat and swallowing it down dry. “Guess I just.. wait.”
*.*.*.*.*
All he does that day is wait. Last period is gym and still no effects whatsoever. Dumb prick sold me a dud. Connor sulks and crosses his arms across his chest, brooding.
Maybe it was a bad idea smoking such a ridiculous amount of pot after third period. Maybe that’s the real reason, and the haze of weed is masking the effect of the squip. What’s it supposed to do anyway? McKenzie told him nothing, and Jared hardly knew a thing about it when he’d asked.
A glance to his side and Connor sees a group of girls whispering and pointing in his direction, and suddenly he feels exposed in his shorts and t-shirt. He knows what they’re staring at; jagged white and pink scars criss-cross up the pale expanse of his arms and without the comfort of his hoodie, his sorrow is on display to the world.
Fuck this.
With a huff, Connor snatches up his bottle of Mountain Dew and wrenches off the lid in a temper, storming toward the exit after a long swig of the soda.
“Stupid class anyway. Full of- ah, fuck!” A sharp stab in his gut has him halting in his tracks, clutching at his stomach. Well this is the worst bout of drug induced gut rot he’d ever experienced, and as he straightens the pain of it splatters stars across his vision.
The next searing pain comes in his head, just as an indecipherable voice plays over the school tannoy system. What is that? Is that Chinese? Japanese? Where’s the principal and why is someone using the microphone to speak a language hardly any of the students understand?
That thought is ripped from Connor as a panic inducing agony ripples through every limb, tears pricking at his eyes. He grabs the closest body to him to steady himself and groans, suddenly wide-eyed and terrified. Is this it? Is this how I die? In fucking gym class?
And still the tannoy is going, only now Connor picks up some of the words. ‘Connor Murphy’ and ‘squip’. Oh shit, if the principal knows, I’m screwed.
He turns to the kid he’s clutched at, shaking and still in pain. “Can- can you hear that? Is that Japanese?”
Evan feels his arm gripped tightly, and turns to see someone from his gym class. What’s his name again? Cory? Conrad? Connor! He looks at his face, full of fear and confusion. He’s heard stories about him, how he’s an asshole, but all Evan can think when he sees him is how badly he feels for this guy who’s freaking out.
“I said... Is that Japanese?” He asks Evan.
“What?” Evan looks at him, dumbfounded.
He sighs shakily. “I said, can you hear that? Is that Japanese? Or Chinese? What the fuck is it?” Connor shouts in his face, exasperatedly.
Evan shakes his head. “I… uh… I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he admits, sheepishly.
Connor releases his grip on his arm, leaving a red mark. Evan glances at Connor’s arms, pale and shaky, scars decorating the skin. He wants to comfort him, tell him it’ll be okay, but he can’t summon the courage to do anything than just stand like an idiot.
“I… uh…” Evan stammers, wanting to at least keep Connor from running off.
Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Jared, and a pang of jealousy shoots through him as Jared is making some girls laugh. His best friend, now the one he’s been lusting over for the past four years. Talk about pathetic.
Evan gently taps Connor on his arm, who turns around fiercely, yet tears still show in his eyes.
“Hey, um, you need anything? I can buy you some food… or maybe if you drink some water?” Evan’s eyes subconsciously travel to the scars, and Connor growls seeing where he’s looking.
“Take a picture, they last much fucking longer,” he spits, stalking off.
Guilt washes over Evan, and he runs after Connor. “Wait! Wait, I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I. Uh.”
Connor stares at Evan, his eyes piercing his body, making Evan tremble slightly. “What are you, a broken record? Piss off.”
Evan watches as Connor walks off, feeling even worse about himself. Why can I never say or do what I mean? He slumps his shoulders, turning around.
He bumps into someone who laughs, and hugs him. “Watch where you’re going, acorn!”
Jared smiles at Evan, who blushes at the affectionate nickname he got when he broke his arm last summer after falling out of a tree.
“I saw you talking to Connor, what was that all about?”
Evan shrugs, confused himself. “I have no idea, he was freaking out, asking if I could hear something, if it was in Japanese or whatever.”
Jared snickers. “That’d make sense, what with all the pot that guy smokes,” he mutters to himself.
Evan looks at him curiously. “Do you know Connor?”
“He asks for homework help sometimes,” Jared replies simply, with a wave of his hand.
“Makes sense,” Evan comments, lost in thought, staring at his best friend. Oh, how much he would love to kiss h- he shakes his head, getting rid of the ridiculous thoughts of Jared and him kissing and- No!
Jared places a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “You okay?” He raises an eyebrow, looking down at Evan, causing his glasses to slip down his nose.
He gulps, nodding. Shit! If he found out I liked him, especially after all this time… he’d be so disgusted. And rightfully so. As far as Evan knew, Jared only ever seemed interested in girls, particularly Alana. Whenever Evan is talking with Alana, he notices Jared glancing over at them, his eyes scanning her.
Evan stares at Jared’s perfect face, soft with concern, a strand of brown hair curls over his forehead. Evan has an urge to brush it aside and stand on his tiptoes, then kiss his forehead, but he holds himself back, and tentatively pokes a finger out and pushes Jared’s glasses back up.
Jared wraps an arm around his shoulder, causing Evan to blush, but he hides his face. God, SO embarrassing!
He clears his throat. “So, uh, Connor! He seems, cool?”
Jared smirks. “If by cool you mean a total asshole, then yeah, sure! That guy is always high. Weed is like fucking catnip for that stoner.”
Evan turns his head to look back to see if Connor is still there, but he’s gone. “What do you think Connor is on right now, anyway? That doesn’t seem like a weed-inflicted freakout.”
“You’re an expert on drugs now? Should I be concerned?” Jared laughs as Evan coughs uncomfortably.
“You… you know I like plants and stuff. Cannabis is particularly fascinating, due to its medical abilities, you know!” Evan gets excited, chattering happily. “But, really, what do you think he’s on?” He tilts his head, looking up at Jared.
“Squip, it seems,” Jared blurts out, then covers his mouth.
Evan blinks in confusion. “What the fuck is a Script?”
Jared’s eyes widen. “Actually, it’s squi-” He shrugs. “Erm, scripts are some pills, they make you fucking crazy!”
“How’d you know about it?” Evan asks, looking into Jared’s bright green eyes, nearly getting lost in their intensity.
He laughs awkwardly. “I heard about it somewhere, I don’t remember where.”
Evan can tell he’s lying, but decides to not press him for answers.
The two walk for another twenty minutes, eventually arriving at Jared’s house. The two go upstairs to his bedroom, where the Playstation is set up. “Ready for me to kick your ass in Apocalypse of The Damned?” Jared grins, and Evan sticks out his tongue.
While they play, Evan notices Jared’s leg occasionally grazes against his own. The sensation sends shivers up his spine, but he knows there’s no meaning behind it, he’s just too caught up in busting some zombies, is all, Evan assures himself. That idea makes him feel strangely disappointed. He stares at Jared’s face, scrunched up in concentration, and Evan’s controller slowly slips from his hands.
Jared looks at him, puzzled. “You don’t want to play?” He asks, slowly turning to face Evan.
Evan bites his lip, nervously. Jared leans in, causing Evan to turn bright red. He closes his eyes, but nothing touches his lips, just the warmth of Jared’s body against his, his arms on his back. “I know, you’re probably worried about Connor, aren’t you? He’ll be fine.”
Evan smiles awkwardly. “Yeah, heh, I felt kinda bad for him, everyone was staring at him.”
Jared ruffles Evan’s hair. “You care way too much about people, you stupid acorn.”
Evan laughs, and gets the controller back. “Let’s get back to kicking some zombie ass!”
*.*.*.*.*
When they go back to school the next day, Evan feels concerned noticing Connor staring out the window during math in the desk next to him. He glances at the page, shocked to see he completed all the problems, all seemingly accurate.
“Murphy, if you’re finished, start working on your homework,” Mr. Gretch says, barely glancing up from his computer.
He nods and takes out his papers with a sarcastic “You got it, Gretchy,” which he doesn’t catch, due to his, well, his old man ears.
Evan muffles his laughter behind his hands, and Connor hears his snorting, glancing at his face. Evan notices how Connor’s hair looks, the sunlight from the windows causing his hair to look a bright reddish brown, his heart strangely fluttering at the sight.
Connor squints at him, and turns away. He jerks in his seat suddenly, something only Evan seems to notice, and Connor curses softly under his breath, and faces Evan again, a smirk playing at his lips. Connor suddenly brings his face close, and starting to bring his lips to Evan’s ear. “Listen… hotass? What the fuck…”
Evan jerks away as Connor jolts again, his face flushed. What the hell?
Connor grabs Evan’s shirt, causing him to nearly fall out of his chair. “Alright, hotass, I got tickets to see Eminem tonight, you in or not?”
Evan stares at Connor’s serious face, his eyes flickering cautiously between Evan’s.
Jared said he’s gonna be hanging with Alana later… he tries to ignore the envy he feels for Alana, getting to spend time with the insanely cool Jared Kleinman. He sighs. What the hell. Evan gives Connor a shy grin. “Yeah, I’m in.”
Connor balks at the kid’s response, he’d hardly been expecting him to agree, he’d only asked in the first place to get a respite from the relentless shocking he’d been subjected to since yesterday afternoon.
“You’re in?” Connor loosens his grip on his shirt some and tilts his head, but is quickly reminded to act smoother, cooler, with another zap to the base of his spine. You fucker. “I mean of course you’re in. Uh.. why wouldn’t you be?”
“Sure, I mean I’m free and it’s Friday so. I’m in?” Blue eyes positively glitter, equal parts excitement and confusion evident.
Perfect. Connor thinks, addressing his new companion in the form of his Squip. Now I actually have to see Eminem. Thanks a lot, asshole. “Great.”
“Great!”
Connor shuffles back into his seat and takes up his pen, still peering across the desk at the complete stranger he’d just asked to a shitty concert. “Good.”
‘Stop slouching.’ Comes the detached voice, followed instantly by another sharp electrical pulse. Connor slams his palm on the table and clenches his jaw, reluctantly straightening his spine and offering a forced smile to his classmate.
“You okay?” The kid’s brow is pinched with worry, all traces of that innocent little smile gone.
Connor grits his teeth and exhales shakily as the pain ebbs away. “Trapped nerve. A pain in the fuckin’ ass.”
‘Hey! Just trying to help.’
Biting back the urge to spit a scathing retort, Connor closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, mentally counting to ten.
“I could actually help with that? I mean I’m kind of a plant.. expert I guess. Long story, but I might be able to search up some home remedies to help with the pain?”
“Do you always end every sentence as if you’re asking a question?” Connor mutters, and is met with a dejected expression.
An electrical buzz builds again, the threat of another shock imminent. “Wait!” Connor panics, hands shooting out in front of him and pulling the most puzzled expression from the guy across from him. “It’s.. it’s cute.”
And with that the buzz is gone. Close call.
‘See? You’re learning already.’
“Fuck you.” Connor mutters, quickly realising he’d voiced his thoughts aloud. “For.. being so cute I mean.” God, did I just say that?
“Oh..” His classmate’s face flames, a blush quickly spreading from the tip of one ear to the other. It looks like he wants the ground to swallow him, and in honesty, Connor can relate. “Well, thanks.. I guess.”
An uncomfortable silence engulfs them then, and just as Connor is about to turn back to his desk and fill in the pages of his homework, that parasite is back with more advice he never asked for.
‘Connor. Aren’t you forgetting something?’
With a puzzled expression, Connor glances over his shoulder and at the desk of his classmate in case he’d left a pen behind.
‘His name. You don’t know his name.’
“Oh.. Connor.” He offers his hand between them and fixes the kid with a pointed stare, a tiny smile playing on his lips. Connor can’t help but notice the way the other scrubs his palm on his jeans before he accepts the handshake, nervous jitters obvious in his every action.
And silence is his response. Is this kid stupid?
“And you are?” Connor prompts, trying his utmost best to be polite and not let his temper get the best of him.
“Oh! S-sorry, it’s Evan!” Evan’s voice is part whisper, part squeak, and it catches Connor briefly off guard. Okay that was fucking adorable.
“So I’ll pick you up at what.. five?”
“Yeah!” Evan blurts his agreement far too enthusiastically and it brings a brief smile to Connor’s face. “I- I mean, that.. that sounds good! Four would be way too early and I’m guessing the show starts at seven so six would be a little too late, five sounds-“
The bell chimes and Connor jumps to his feet, instantly losing all interest in anything Evan has to say. Once the signal rings to signal the end of school, he no longer cares about anything but going to the park and drowning out the world, earphones in and blunt in hand.
“You’re leaving?” Evan looks downright wounded, and Connor only smiles. Cute. “But you don’t even.. I didn’t give you my address..”
“I have my ways of finding out. Later man!” Connor doesn’t turn back, and he’s out through the fire door before any of his classmates have even finished packing their belongings away.
“What the fuck kinda name is hotass?” Connor mumbles to himself, fishing in his pockets for his blessed baggie of weed.
‘It worked, didn’t it?’
He shrugs, balancing a rizla between his fingers and poking the tiny buds around until they’re nicely spread out across the paper. “Barely. Made me sound like an idiot.”
‘What do you think you’re doing? I thought we agreed, no to drugs.’
“Uh.. I would never agree to that.” Connor laughs, but cuts himself off with a muffled yelp, a shock to the wrist forcing him to fling his unfinished spliff into a puddle. “Hey what the shit? That’s expensive! And that was the last of it, asshole.”
‘You’re welcome.’
***
Evan frowns as he watches Connor walk away, completely losing his interest in him. Then again, who in their right mind would even want to be talking to me unless they had to? Evan stuffed his hands in his pockets, slumping his shoulders, unnaturally disappointed by Connor’s actions.
Evan grows pink as he remembers how Connor spoke to him. Was that… flirting? No, no way… Evan shakes away his thoughts. Nobody would ever be interested in a guy like me. Speaking of… Evan plasters on a fake smile as he spots Jared by his locker.
“Why are you all blushing, acorn?” Jared smirks, and Evan turns even redder at Jared pointing it out.
“I… uh…”
“Acorn? What happened?” Jared cocks his head to the side, stepping ever so slightly towards Evan.
Evan pauses. What did just happen? “I… well… I’m not really sure? I think… I think I just got asked out on a date.”
Jared raises his eyebrows. “A… date?”
Evan nods. Is Jared judging me? Does he think nobody would ever want to ask me out? I mean, he wouldn’t be wrong…
“Who’s the lucky lady?” Jared smiles, but Evan can tell there’s a slight bit of… hurt?
“Um…” Evan chews on the inside of his cheek and wrings his hands nervously. “Uh… Connor?” His voice rises into a question as it always does when he’s nervous, and he looks away.
Jared coughs. “I see! I didn’t realize Connor swung that way, I guess…” He looks away, too. “Or you,” he adds, barely loud enough for Evan to hear.
“Yeah, um, he’s picking me up at five… we’re seeing an Eminem concert.”
Jared bursts into laughter. “Eminem? Fucking Eminem? Jesus! If he wants romance, he sure as hell fucked up this first date!”
Evan cracks a smile. He probably doesn’t want romance. Maybe a stoner buddy or something. Why else would he want a loser like me?
“Well, I better go home, then… I only have two hours to get ready, so…”
“Right, yeah.”
Jared awkwardly claps a hand on his shoulder. “Well, have fun, and uh…” Jared scratches the back of his head. “Be careful? Please don’t get wasted, and if he tries to touch you, then-”
Evan slams a hand over Jared’s mouth. “He’s not gonna be like that! I’ll be fine!” Evan insists, but he still has his doubts, too.
The two part ways, and Evan heads home nervously. This is gonna be hell.