Chapter Text
Breathe. That's what Lance had to remind himself to do whenever he was around Keith. He never understood why, but being around Keith made him feel anxious. He would feel his palms start to sweat, he could practically hear his heart pounding. His face would always get warm, why this happened, well, Lance never understood.
“...this is stupid,” Lance was thinking, out loud. His room was the one place where he could do that with privacy, the one place he could spill out his feelings, “I shouldn’t feel this way, not about Keith, dammit!” The lanky boy let out a frustrated huff, and rolled off his bed, standing as he fell. He decided that maybe if he trained, it would clear his mind.
Lance had never regretted going to the training deck more in his entire life. Keith was there. And dammit, he was wearing his hair in a ponytail. Keith was going to be the death of him, he already knew it. Keith could look so good with his hair tied up like this, it was unfair. Lance stood there for a moment, just staring in disbelief. He tried to walk off unnoticed, but ultimately ended up walking into a wall and falling over.
Keith, however, didn’t notice, much to Lance’s relief. Lance stayed on the floor and watched Keith. The red paladin was skilled, fast, and determined. He worked diligently, and man did he look great while doing it. Lance lost the track of time watching Keith, but eventually, he stood, and snuck out of the room to give his racing heart a break. He leaned against the wall, and took a long, deep breath. The familiarity of the Castle of Lions was a comforting sight. He headed straight for his room, hyperfixating on the creases of his blanket, but still thinking about Keith.
He didn’t even notice the door of his room opening, didn’t notice the mattress sink next to him. Lance was finally snapped out of his flustered trance when a pair of hands grabbed his arms and shook, and a voice sounded from his side.
“Lance! C’mon man, snap out of it,” it was Hunk, “Geez, you’re distracted as heck. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this dazed.” Hunk chuckled a bit. Lance would often get distracted and space out, but never before has Hunk needed to shake Lance to get his attention. “What are you thinking about anyway?”
“I-It doesn’t matter. I think about a lot of things. I think about you, I think about the lions, I think about…..think about Keith…..” he scratched at the back of his neck, trying to ignore the warmth spreading through his face. God. It was not his intention to fall in love with Keith. It was not his intention for Keith to distract and cloud all of his thoughts. It wasn’t. He couldn’t drop it. He just couldn’t. And he couldn’t tell Keith either, he knew it wouldn’t go down well. But no matter what, it was always Keith.
Keith. The one Lance would think about, the only person he would talk to Hunk for hours about. God, he was definitely not in love with Keith. He hated him. Hated his handsome grin, hated his sparkling, gray eyes, hated his hair that looked so soft. He hated Keith’s adorable freckles, that dusted his cheeks like sprinkles on a cupcake. He hated the way Keith’s face was constantly in cute little frowns. God. He hated Keith so much.
“I just...I can’t get him out of my head, Hunk. It’s like...it’s like a disease or something. I hate his stupid face. I hate it so fucking much,” Lance groaned. He was glad Hunk was there to listen to his venting. Hunk was a good friend. “He’s just...so fucking handsome and I don’t know why it makes me so fucking flustered. Hunk, this is hell.”
“Yeah, I know. You’ve said it eight times in the past twelve hours. Look, Lance, why don't you just tell him how you feel? What’s so bad about confessing?”
Lance practically gaped at Hunk, “‘What’s so bad about confessing’? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he hates me?? What if he shuts me out!? I...I couldn’t live with that,” Lance hugged his knees and looked around his room. “What if...what if I mess up…”
“You’re not going to mess up, Lance. You don’t have to confess if you’re not ready. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
“But...Keith makes me feel different...different than any of my girlfriends have made me feel. He’s so important to me, and I don’t know if I could take rejection from him…”
Hunk hugged Lance. He knew it was definitely needed right now. Lance was getting all self conscious about things again, like he usually would. Hunk’s hugs were good. They were warm and friendly. Calming. “Look, Lance, he probably won't reject you. I seriously doubt he'd reject you. You're a great guy, Lance.”
“Mm…” Lance hugged his knees again. He hated being all self conscious. Keith wouldn't reject him...but what if he did? “Not gonna stop me from being paranoid.”
***
Keith wakes up, cold, sweaty and terrified. Were nightmares supposed to be this bad? He tries closing his eyes, but he just sees that awful image again. So he gets up. Tries to forget the dream. Keith walks about for a bit until he runs into- “Lance…? What the hell are you doing up so late?”
Lance glanced at the other suspiciously, then shoved his hands into the pockets of his pajama bottoms. Keith watched the motion. “I thought you were one to get as much sleep as you could.”
Lance huffs. Keith did have a point there, getting beauty sleep was kinda his thing when it came to sleeping. “Couldn’t sleep. Can’t ever sleep really. Insomnia. It's not a big deal, just really inconvenient. Why are you here?”
Keith’s eyes widened. Shit. His cover’s been blown. He tries to back out of the situation, but Lance blocks his way. Damn, he’s quick. “Keith, you shouldn’t hide from this. Is it nightmares? Nightmares can be a big deal, and if we don’t figure out how the hell we can fix it, you’ll be sluggish and tired and nothing will get done.”
Damnit, Lance had a point. Can’t exactly save the world when you’re unbelievably exhausted. “Well what the hell can anyone do? It’s not like you can just magically cure traumatic nightmares, Lance. It’s either nightmares or…”
“...Or?” Lance blinks a bit, tilting his head and crossing his arms. “Or? Keith, what did you do when you were younger? Is there even anything that someone could do to help you sleep? Even just a little?”
Keith shifted his gaze, looking at a wall instead of Lance. He didn’t want him to know something like this. “....It’s stupid…” ‘Don’t make me say it, don’t make me say it, don’t make me say it, don’t make me s-’.
Then Lance piped up. “I’m sure it’s not. I’m not gonna make fun of you just because you can’t sleep.” Keith groaned. Was he really that pathetic? Did he really need to get assurance that Lance wouldn’t make fun of him? He hated this whole situation, he wanted to be millions of light years away. But, right now, Keith’s stuck in space, with Lance stopping him. There’s no changing that.
“...okay fine. I used to sleep with my dad.”
Lance nodded, knowing it’s a common thing for kids to sleep with their parents after a nightmare. He did it himself sometimes, but Keith didn’t seem to be telling the whole truth. “And what would you do when your dad wasn’t an option?”
“Oh come on, are you really going to make me say this?” Keith wanted to know how Lance had this way of getting information out of him. It’s frustrating, to say the least. “...UGH fine! I used to sleep...with Shiro…he’s my half-brother.” Keith tries to walk away again, but Lance gets in his way again. “I told you what I did, can I go now?”
“No. No, we need to fix this. But I know from experience that you and Shiro wouldn't fit in the same bed--and, before you ask, Hunk and I cuddle all the time. It's a cleansing experience for us bros.--so your options are : Pidge, Allura, or….” Lance trailed off.
“You?” Keith finished. He could already feel he was getting warmer. “Well...Allura's kinda...I don't know, but I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed as someone who identifies as a girl. And Pidge….I don't wanna sleep with them, because they're so young...I don't wanna make the gremlin uncomfortable. So…” Keith felt the warmth rise up the back of his neck.
“...A’ight, c'mon.” Lance gently grabbed Keith's shoulder. “We're gonna both try our best to sleep, and it's going to be great, and it might even happen a few times because you can always come back to either cuddle or sleep, Keith.” Lance rambled on for a while, at least until they got to his door. He released Keith's shoulder and opened the door. “Go ahead and curl up wherever you want.”
Keith walked into the room. It was a mirror image of his own, but with knick knacks strewn about. Pictures from missions, rocks from planets, some shells from the mermaid planet, and much more things. It was rather endearing. He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment before pulling pulling off his sweat drenched shirt, and rather old leggings. It was always nice to let his top surgery scars breathe. He set his clothes down in a neat pile in the corner.
Lance finished putting a face mask on, and made his way over to his bed, where he found Keith just sitting on the corner of the mattress. “...Keith? You’ve already had top surgery?”
Keith blinked up at Lance, “Huh? Oh...yeah I had top surgery…I did the day I turned eighteen.” He rubbed at his arms, diverting his attention to the ground. “Why do you ask?”
Lance sat next to Keith, “Because I’m not old enough to get it yet. I’m stuck wearing binders. You’re super lucky, man.” He smiled at the other, eyes creasing at the sides. His smile is the brightest Keith had ever seen. Keith’s chest aches. Lance gently bumps their shoulders together, before crawling under the sheets. “Care to join me?”
“Oh! Y-Yeah, alright, sleeping.” Keith stuttered, crawling under the sheets next to Lance. The smell of aloe vera, citrus, sunscreen and Lance was almost intoxicating. He melted into it so quickly, he knew that he never wanted to leave. “...Hey, Lance?” Lance rolled over to look at Keith, with a small hum of acknowledgment. Keith yawned, “Thank you...you’re a really great friend.”
Lance smiled, knowing now that he did the right thing, “You don’t have to thank me...it’s the least I can do.” he muttered, gently bumping their ankles together. “Besides, you can’t save the universe when you’re running on an hour or less of sleep.”
Keith rubbed his eyes, “still…” he was slowly falling asleep. He decided to embrace it, closing his eyes. “Goodnight, Lance…have nice dreams…” Those were the last words Keith said that night, he was out like a light.
Lance smiled oh so softly, “Goodnight, Keith…” he murmured, pushing Keith’s long hair out of his face so he could get a good look at it. The softness of Keith’s face was awfully adorable, Lance had never seen anything so soft. It was too vulnerable, too pure. He flushed and pulled his hand away, vowing to never ever ever push Keith’s bangs back like that again. Lance closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Sleep came faster than he could’ve ever imagined possible.
***
Lance broke his vow when he woke up. He couldn’t help himself, Keith was curled up into his chest. He had no idea Keith could be so warm and cuddly. It was an impulse, something he couldn’t control. He flushed, pulling his hand back as Keith started to stir. His attention diverted to the ceiling, so as to not freak Keith out when he woke up.
Keith’s eyes blinked open. He rubbed them gently, pushing his face a little further, before realizing how close he is to Lance. He shifted away, blushing softly, ”Uh...s-sorry, I haven’t felt a warm embrace like that in years…” He rubbed at his cheek, “I’m a bit touch starved, I guess…” he stared intently at his hands.
Lance smiled a tiny bit, very kindly and warm. “It’s okay, Keith, you don’t have to apologize...I don’t like...actually hate you, y’know. You’re always allowed to come to me for hugs and shit. Even when you’re not having nightmares. Okay?” he asked, moving his hand up to gently rub Keith’s shoulder. His hand was a bit shakier than he’d hoped.
Keith smiled at that, nodding just a tiny bit. “Okay...thank you, Lance. Like I said last night, you’re a really great friend.” Keith rubbed at his eyes again. “Though, we should probably, y’know, get out of bed, do work, uhhh clean our lions and eat breakfast or something,” he rambled, wiggling out from under the sheets.
Lance stretched out his arms, groaning. “My arms feel like jello.” He squirms out from under the blankets somewhat sluggishly. “I slept like a rock...so, um, thank you for that. Sleeping with someone else last night actually kind of helped....” he muttered, smiling at the floor.
Keith felt his heartbeat pick up and his face getting warmer. God. Who gave Lance the right to be that genuine. He didn’t need this, not right now. He smiled at Lance, softly. “Uh...y-yeah, no problem...s-so, are we gonna do it again tonight, or what? :”Cause like, you don’t have to if it’ll make you uncomfortable, y’know?” he says, fidgeting with his hands.
Lance smiles a bit, patting Keith’s shoulder. “Yeah. Let’s do it again tonight, just in case, y’know? Important shit, Keith. Important shit.” he says, ignoring the voices in his head yelling ‘this is just an excuse to bond and cuddle with Keith so that you can figure out who he likes. I hope you are proud of yourself, me.’ It earns him a warm smile from the violet eyed boy, a smile that turns his insides to goo. Keith leaves the room first, leaving Lance with his insanely loud thoughts. “...shit.”
***
It’s a mission just like any other, tiring and strenuous. Lance hates it with his entire being. He trips as he runs, dropping his bayard and landing flat on his face. He doesn’t have the time to react before a blast hits his chest plate. It hurts like a bitch, burning through some of the armour and has him yelping in pain. His shield goes up before anything worse happens. The sentry that shot him is sliced by a familiar red blur, who runs over to Lance’s side after securing the area.
“Jesus, Lance, are you okay?! It didn’t break through your armour, right? God, this mission is such a mess...c’mon, we gotta get you to the castle.” says the one in red. He picks Lance up bridal style, rushing straight for the red lion.
Lance whimpers, leaning into Keith’s grip, “But--what about blue! She doesn’t follow me around like red follows you!” He ties his arms around Keith’s neck - for stability - and squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t wanna lose her, she’s my baby!”
Keith ignores the flush rising to his cheeks, “Don’t worry, Lance. Shiro’ll get her back to the castle.” He runs into the red lion, sitting in the pilot’s chair with Lance on his lap. He does his best (and failing to do so) to ignore it. “You need to focus on staying awake, okay? If you fall asleep…”
“Yeah, yeah I know, I could, like, die or something. C’mon Keith I’m not dumb,” he answers, pressing his face into Keith’s neck. He ignores the tiny shiver it sends down his spine, and how wonderful Keith smells. Like citrus and metal and men's body wash. He ignores it. “Just get me into a pod and I’ll be okay, yeah?”
Keith doesn’t answer, he’s too focused on the fact that Lance’s face is now pressed into his neck. He just nods, flying red towards the Castle of Lions. He tries not to notice the way Lance smells like ocean spray and cucumbers and watermelon. He notices anyways, but it was a good attempt. He adjusts his gaze down to Lance, who looks up at him. Lance smiles. Not just a grin, or a bright smile that he gave to anyone on the team. This was a dazed smile, it was soft and slack and it made Keith’s insides buzz. He flushes, smiling back as best as he can. He needed to get Lance to the shit ASAP. He must’ve been delusional.
Keith doesn’t sleep that night.
***
Keith stands outside of Lance’s pod, frowning softly, “Is...is he going to come out of there soon? He’s been in here for three days!” He throws his hands up, frustrated. He wanted Lance out of the pod, and he wanted him out soon. His impulse control was at an all time low, which was not good.
Just as Keith looked back to ask Coran something, the pod made an audible “pfshhhh” noise and Lance wobbled out. Keith rushed up to catch him, ignoring the way Lance melted into him. He helps Lance stand up, earning a dazed smile, similar to the one Lance had given him a few days back. Lance speaks, voice strained and tired, “My hero…”
Keith’s face grows warm, he gapes at Lance, bewildered. “Uh--y-yeah...i-it’s no problem…” he says, smiling shyly. He wasn’t used to this, wasn’t used to Lance’s sweet, genuine nature. It made his chest ache, knowing that Lance most likely didn’t want to be with him in that way. He drops his arms from Lance after helping him sit, “It’s what good teammates do, I guess. Can’t exactly leave you behind,” he snickers. Lance chuckles as well, but there’s something else in his face that Keith can’t interpret.
Lance rubs at his eyes gently, “It means a lot, Keith. Like...a lot , dude. I mean, if you didn’t take me here so I could heal, I could’ve died or some shit, y’know?” he asks, looking Keith in the eye. He leans closer squinting, “Wait, are...are your eyes purple?” he asks, leaning back again.
Keith swallows hard, “Uh...y-yeah? You didn’t notice before?” He searches Lance’s face for some kind of meaning, but he doesn’t get an answer. All he gets is Lance’s look of wide eyed amazement. Wide eyed amazement doesn’t answer his question, ‘ Why are you looking into my eyes, Lance?’ It doesn’t answer it at all.
Lance’s eyes go wide, and he smiles brightly. “Keith, that’s so cool!” he excitedly whispers, “How did I not notice that before? They’re so pretty, Keith!” His hands come up to Keith’s cheeks, squishing them gently. His blue eyes take in every shade in Keith’s eyes. ‘For research purposes’ he tells himself.
Keith flushes deeply, smiling at his hands. “They’re not that pretty, Lance…” he mutters, focusing on the gentle warmth of Lance’s hands on his face. He tries not to lean into Lance’s hands, but fails miserably. “Besides, yours are prettier. They’re blue like the ocean.”
Lance looks struck, “Nuh-uh!” he exclaims, “Your eyes look like little amethysts! They’re the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen! Plus, if you died on earth, it’d be easier to identify your body. Purple eyes aren’t that common.”
Keith laughs at that, it messes with Lance’s head. “Thank you, Lance. That’s nice of you to say that I have pretty eyes…”
Lance slides his hands off of Keith’s face “Yeah man,” he mutters, “no problem.”