Archive of Our Own

"Wait, what do you mean 'I've got a ranch in Montana, how about we go there while we're on leave'?" Rodney said incredulously, his hands sketching something presumably ranch - or possibly Montana - shaped in the air.

"Well," John grinned, with deliberate slowness, "I mean that I've got a ranch in Montana and I was thinking that maybe we could go there when we're Earthside next month."

Rodney rolled his eyes but grinned back. "So how come you own a ranch?" he asked, finishing the last of his muffin with a satisfied sigh.

"My dad left it to me," John said, the unspoken 'when he died' making his chest tighten unexpectedly. Huh, seemed like there were still some things he needed to figure out there, though his tried and tested 'not thinking about it' plan was doing okay, most of the time. "We used to go there when I was kid."

"Oh, right," Rodney nodded, obviously sensing something but also clearly not knowing what to do about it; John could relate. "So, um. You want to go there for your vacation … with me? Really?"

"Yes, really," John said evenly. "Unless you have plans to see Jeannie or something," he shrugged. "It's no big deal, just thought you might like to see the place, hang out, whatever." He was careful to sound casual; it was just a couple of friends hanging out, nothing special - even if one of those friends might have been secretly wanting the other for years. But Rodney was straight and John knew nothing was going to happen between them - and he was okay with that, mostly.

"No, no plans," Rodney interjected. "Well, actually yes - I was thinking of going to Vancouver to see Jeannie but we could always do that after we've been to the ranch."

"Sounds good." John's smile was just a little wider at Rodney's automatic assumption that they'd go visit his sister together.

"Good, good," Rodney repeated and then paused, tapping his earpiece, clearly getting a call. "No, no! I said the tertiary conduits in lab five - look, just don't touch anything and I'll be there in two minutes."

"Problem?"

"Nothing serious," Rodney said, grabbing his mug and standing. "Beyond the usual ineptitude of some of what Stargate Command laughingly likes to call scientists, of course."

"We still on for chess tonight then?"

"Definitely," Rodney nodded. "I should be done by six - want to grab some dinner first?"

"Sure," John said. "It's chocolate pudding night." He grinned as Rodney's expression grew almost dreamy. "See you later, Rodney."

"What? Oh, yes - later, Colonel," Rodney said and then added, still looking a little surprised. "Montana? Really?"

"Yes, really!" John laughed, flicking muffin crumbs at Rodney as he headed out of the mess with a little backwards wave.

Three weeks later and they were cruising south from Bozeman on the One Ninety One. Labor Day was long gone and the highway was pretty clear, the rented SUV making good time as they followed the flow of the Gallatin River through the foothills of the Rockies. It was late afternoon but they'd been holed up at the mountain for two days of debriefings and meetings and the jet lag - gate lag - from Pegasus was really starting to kick in. They'd stopped for drive-through burritos once they'd picked up the car, practically inhaling them after so long away, and then Rodney had promptly fallen asleep, snoring softly as they left the city behind.

The drive was soothing, long stretches of smooth black-top snaking around the curves of the valley, miles rolling by with Waylon and Johnny for company as Rodney slept on. It had been years since John had last been on this road - just a kid in the backseat with Dave, heading to the ranch for the summer. Then his mom had died and things had changed - his father had changed. There was always some business deal or meeting or some damn thing that kept his father away from home, away from having to spend time with his children. They'd never visited the ranch again and John had honestly thought his father had sold the place. He hadn't asked and the topic - like so many things associated with his mother - had never come up in conversation. Then as he'd grown older they'd pretty much stopped talking all together. He'd been shocked when he'd gone to see Dave after the funeral and found that his father had left the ranch to him, shocked that the place was still in the family and also that his father hadn't cut him out of his will years ago as he'd assumed. There'd been other stuff too - shares in the company and so on - that he didn't much care about but he'd found himself wanting the ranch. It had been a special place for him as a kid and he was curious, wanted to go back and maybe hold on to a few good family memories and maybe… maybe make some new memories there with Rodney.

John glanced over as Rodney snorted in his sleep - his head was resting on the window, hair mashed up against a sweater for a pillow, and he was so familiar and solid that John just had to smile, glad that they were here together. He knew he'd never have everything he wanted with Rodney - and perhaps there had been a bit of wishful thinking when he'd suggested they spend their leave together - but that was okay because just having Rodney here was good enough. He'd be a liar if he didn't admit to wanting more, wanting things he only let himself dream about after really shitty days, when he was tired and alone - and lonely. Then sometimes he couldn't help imagining, just a little, what it might be like if Rodney felt the same way and wanted him too. But dreams were just dreams and they'd never be anything more; Rodney was his friend and that was what he had. He could deal; he'd had a lot of practice over the years.

Rodney yawned and stretched himself awake. "Ow." His neck was complaining - loudly - about being wedged up against the window for the past however long.

"You okay?" John asked.

Rodney straightened gingerly in his seat and nodded, his back spasming and joining in with the chorus of complaints. "Yes, no - well, not really. Are we there yet?"

"Almost," John smiled, slowing the car as a mile marker came into view and turning off onto a rough gravelled track.

The track bumped across a metal truss bridge fording a river and then wound deeper into the foothills, leaving the highway behind. It was nearly dusk and the light was fading fast as the sun began to dip below the hills canyoning the valley sides.

"Not much farther now."

"Good," Rodney said. "I'm starving. Oh, wait. What about food? It looks like we're heading into the back of beyond, we'll be lucky if there's running water let alone electricity. Do we have anything to eat?"

"No, Rodney," John drawled. "I figured I'd just wait for you to die of starvation in the vast wilderness and then gnaw on your leg."

"What?" Rodney did not squeak, he was just tired.

"Calm down, Daniel Boone," John grinned. "I spotted a few places to eat back on the highway so we won't have to worry, and before we left I got a message to the company that's been looking after the place and asked them to stock the fridge - so there'll be stuff for tonight too. Plus we have that gallon drum sized jar of Reeses that you bought at the airport if we really need it," he added with a wink.

"Well, it's best to be prepared," Rodney sniffed but couldn't help grinning too. He'd been surprised and pleased when John had asked him to come along and he hadn't even had to think about his answer - John was his best friend, of course he wanted to hang out with him. He'd never really had many friends and yes, he knew his personality could be somewhat prickly, but things were always so easy with John, had been from pretty much the moment they met. There was none of the professional jealousy and competition that he found with his scientific peers - not to say that John wasn't smart, despite his efforts to hide it John actually had a brain beneath the drawl and hair, and a real flair for strategy and creative thinking. Of course, the bedrock of their friendship was their constant bantering and so Rodney still reserved the right to tease him about MENSA whenever he wanted. That was another great thing about John - he was as sarcastic as Rodney himself, not to mention being a geek about comic books and cheesy sci-fi shows. There was never any pressure, Rodney didn't have to think before he spoke and could just be himself - weirdly John still seemed to like him.

John had been there for him after the break up with Katie and that whole best forgotten thing with Jennifer. They hadn't so much as talked about it, of course, just had beer on the pier and a Batman marathon - that's what they did. So spending a vacation together seemed completely logical, even though Zelenka had raised his eyebrows and muttered something smug-sounding in Czech when he'd mentioned it to him. Who knew what went on in that fuzzy little gnome's head anyway? John was his best friend and they had fun together and that was that. Who wouldn't want to spend a week in Montana with John?

They rounded a bend and the track opened out into a valley, wide meadows bordered by the hills and mountains to the east and the river to the west. A fair-sized, one level ranch house sprawled into view, with a big Dutch gambrel barn off to the back. They passed under a high, wooden ranch gate and pulled up in front where a porch ran the length of the house and down one side.

"Wow, this is nice," Rodney said, craning his neck to see better through the windshield.

John was sitting quietly, hands still on the wheel, looking a little tight around the eyes.

"Really nice," Rodney nodded, unsure of what to say. "Um, really… um, nice - with the mountains and trees and that big generator over there which I really, really hope is working because electricity would definitely be… um, nice too."

John seemed to notice his babbling and turned and grinned, the tightness gone. "Admit it - you thought it was going to be a shack in the woods and we'd have to dig a latrine out back, didn't you?"

"Not at all!" Rodney cried, following as John stepped out of the car. "Well, more of a hovel maybe," he added - just to hear John laugh.

"'Cus you do so well roughing it," John chuckled and hefted their bags from the back.

"Hey, I can rough it!" Rodney said, grabbing his laptop and jar of Reeses, "I just prefer to have a few basic amenities if at all possible."

"Hope it meets your standards," John said as he led the way up the front steps and into the house.

"Wow," Rodney said again as he stopped inside the door. "Did I say nice because this is actually really - really - nice. I mean seriously." The interior of the ranch house had an Arts and Crafts style with lots of honeyed wood and a large open plan design. There was a comfortable looking kitchen with an old oak table off to one side and a sitting area with a big wood-burning stove, and a couch and deep padded armchairs overlooking a picture window out to the river. The sun had almost completely set behind the hills in the distance but the view would probably be spectacular in the day.

John was standing to one side, looking a little stunned.

"Has it, er, changed much?" Rodney asked. "Since you were last here?"

John shook his head and swallowed. "Hardly at all."

"Oh." Rodney wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing and John wasn't giving much, well, anything away.

"There's fresh linen and stuff," John said, "the company that manages the upkeep took care of all that too."

"Right," Rodney said, still unsure. "So, food?" he added brightly.

John seemed to jerk back from wherever his thoughts had taken him and smiled, looking grateful. "Sounds good. Let's check out the kitchen."

The sun was just rising as John stepped out onto the porch. It would be warm later, one of those bright fall days filled with sunshine and crisp air, but for now there was a chill that made him grateful for the black fleece zipped to his neck. He'd woken early and been too restless to lie in bed, too many stirred up memories twisting behind his eyelids. There'd been no sign of life from Rodney's room and so he'd crept by, letting him sleep. The change of time zones had got them both messed up and they'd crashed early the night before, just about managing to stumble to their respective rooms after nuking a frozen pizza and washing it down with a few beers.

He leaned his arms against the railing and cupped his hands around his coffee mug, the seeping heat a welcome warmth as he looked out towards the river. He'd been fourteen the last time he'd been here and his father had taken him and Dave fly-fishing, the three of them wading waist deep in the fast moving water, summer sun warming their backs. He remembered Dave telling some stupid joke about a moose and an alligator, and the way his father had hooted with laughter, making Dave promise to tell their mom when they got back to the house.

There hadn't been much laughter after their mom had died. His father had grown distant and thrown himself into the business. Looking back he realised it was his father's way of coping with his grief but it had forced a silent chasm between them that never really went away. Then John had rebelled against his father's plans for his future - all neatly laid out with the right schools and a position in the company - and the chasm had just grown deeper, heavy with things unsaid. It had finally become bottomless when John's marriage had failed and he'd admitted the reason; he was gay. He and his father hadn't spoken again.

John took a mouthful of coffee and sat on the wooden love seat under the window. Yet his father had left him the ranch; he hadn't sold it or given it to Dave, he'd wanted John to have it - John, who had always loved this place. He used to spend hours riding up in the hills, going by himself once he was old enough, relishing the serenity and sense of freedom, the sky so big he could gallop right through it. His father had known this and remembered… and had wanted John to come here again, to have this again.

John let out a long sigh and swallowed more coffee; it was cold but it didn't matter. "Thanks, Dad," he whispered through the years of silence, raising his mug and meaning it.

"Blnnngh," Rodney groaned, stumbling into the kitchen and finding the coffee pot by sense of smell alone. After draining half a mug he managed to unglue his eyelids enough to take stock of his surroundings; disgustingly perky sunlight was streaming through the window and a familiar tousled head was visible outside. He pulled his bathrobe more tightly around him and topped off his coffee, grabbing another mug for good measure as he headed for the porch.

"Jeez, it's freezing out here!"

"Mornin' to you too, Rodney."

He huffed out a, "Morning," and sat beside John. The love seat was a little small for two grown men and he could feel John's warmth from shoulder to hip; he pressed closer - it was cold after all.

"That for me?" John asked, pointing at the second mug clutched in Rodney's hand. "Mine's gone cold."

"Philistine," Rodney snorted but handed the mug over anyway. "What are you doing up so early?"

John just looked at him, one eyebrow raised.

"Oh, yes - different galaxy, different time zone, couldn't sleep. Me too." Rodney buried his nose in his mug and gulped happily. "Thanks for making the coffee."

"No problem," John smiled, tipping his head back and stretching his legs out in front of him.

Rodney paused as he realised how relaxed John seemed. He turned his head, covertly taking in John's face; much of the haunted look that had been there the previous night had faded and the tightness was gone from around his closed eyes, just familiar little laughter lines remaining. The sun was catching one cheek, limning the line of a brow and warming John's skin to gold, and Rodney felt an inexplicable wave of affection, an almost tangible rush spreading through him. He started momentarily when John opened his eyes and caught him staring. He opened his mouth and then closed it again quickly, at a loss what to say.

John just smiled, a familiar fondness in his eyes that Rodney suddenly recognised from countless times before. "How about some breakfast, buddy?"

Rodney couldn't help but return the smile. "Just tell me we've got bacon."

They puttered around the kitchen easily, John grilling the bacon while Rodney made eggs, a constant flow of coffee and comfortable conversation surrounding them. The talking took a sideline to the serious business of eating for a while and then there was nothing left but a few smears of ketchup and full bellies as they both groaned and settled back in their chairs.

"I really missed bacon," Rodney announced solemnly, blue eyes wide and earnest.

John pointed a finger at him, "I hear you, pal." Bacon was a serious thing and the kinda-pig they got from BUD-106 really didn't cut it.

Rodney broke first and they both grinned, chorusing, "Mmm, bacon," like bad Homer Simpsons.

"So, what's with this place?" Rodney asked. "Was it a vacation home?"

John nodded. "Yeah, my folks used to bring me and Dave here. Came every summer 'til I was fourteen."

"What happened after that?"

"My mom died," John said quietly. It had happened so suddenly, the cancer eating her away right in front of them and then she was gone.

"Oh," Rodney said, face warring between compassion and awkwardness. "I'm sorry."

"We didn't come back here again after that."

"Right… but it was good," Rodney stumbled. "I mean, not that, of course - that was horrible - but that you used to come here; have a family vacation, be together and um, what-not. We never went on vacation," he added. "My father would never leave the lab, said he never had the time."

"It got that way after - with my dad, he was always working," John admitted. "But I think it was that he maybe couldn't face coming here without her. I just didn't realise it then," he shrugged.

Rodney nodded and grabbed his coffee, looking a little freaked out. John could understand that and drained his own mug. "So, you want the grand tour?" he asked, forcing a smile.

"Yes, absolutely!" Rodney nodded, obviously just as glad for the subject change.

It was warmer when they stepped outside, the sun high in the sky and the last of the summer swallows cartwheeling lazily through the clouds. Rodney breathed in cautiously but the air smelled fresh and clean and his allergies seemed to be behaving. It was so quiet here, just the busy babble of the river in the distance and the birds overhead. It was strange to have the time to listen, to not be constantly tapping at an earpiece or rushing to the next calamity; it was actually quite nice.

John showed him around for a while, pointing out various outbuildings and naming the mountains and hills in the distance, until they stopped by a field next to the barn. There was a water trough near the well-worn gate but the field was empty and overgrown.

"We used to have horses," John said, leaning against the fence rail. "There were a couple of ranch hands that looked after them but I used to like to help when we came out to stay. Dave was never that interested in that stuff, he preferred to fish."

"I don't blame him," Rodney sniffed. "All that mucking out and huge horse feet ready to trample you to death at a moment's notice. Though stinky fish don't sound that appealing either."

John laughed, bumping at his shoulder and Rodney grinned back, pleased.

"I liked working with the horses," John said. "Then I'd just saddle up and go off into the hills, be out all day some days."

"And your parents just let you?" Rodney felt vaguely scandalised.

"Only when I was older, Rodney," John chuckled. "And I think they knew that I liked to be by myself. They didn't mind, long as I got back before sundown."

"I went to camp one summer," Rodney said. Of course, Camp Unawackna hadn't had any horses and if it had he certainly wouldn't have gone off by himself into possibly treacherous mountains for hours on end. "There were tents and hikes and getting-to-know-each-other camp fires."

"Man, you really hated it, didn't you?" John laughed.

"With every fibre of my being," Rodney agreed. Though he now quite regularly did the same kind of things on off-world missions with John - and Teyla and Ronon - and he didn't mind at all, well, hardly at all. "I didn't know you liked to ride. You've never mentioned it."

"Not a lot of horses on Atlantis, Rodney," John smirked. "It was a family thing; my Mom was from Kentucky and they'd always raised horses - my dad built stables for her when they got married. Dave and I were pretty much riding before we could walk. Guess I just caught the bug."

"Oh, Ronon mentioned something about seeing horses when you went back for the, er, back for your dad," Rodney said. "Though he thought they'd be good to eat."

"Ronon thinks everything's good to eat," John said and then fell silent, looking off towards the mountains. "My dad stopped riding after my Mom died. He still kept the stables at the house but he never went near them. I don't think I ever really understood what her loss did to him, how much he missed her. Maybe I should've cut him a little slack. Perhaps things would've been different between us."

Rodney didn't know what to say. He knew that John and his father had been estranged before he'd died but he didn't know why or for how long, in fact he hadn't even known John had any living family until the notification of Patrick Sheppard's death; John rarely spoke of anything about his life before coming to Atlantis. He took a step closer, leaning against the fence so that his shoulder was just touching John's. "He left you this ranch though. That must mean something."

John was quiet for a while longer and then Rodney felt his shoulders relax and he smiled, just a little. "Yeah, he did."

"And that's good, right?" Rodney asked, a little unsure.

John turned and looked right at Rodney, smile growing wider. "Yeah, it is." He didn't say any more, just turned back to look out over the pasture, shoulder still touching Rodney's, smile in place.

Rodney smiled too. He didn't know what had just happened exactly but John seemed happier and that was good enough.

They decided to drive down to West Yellowstone and grabbed some lunch at a funky little sandwich place. The tuna on rye was possibly the best John had ever tasted but he had to look away and take a long gulp of soda when Rodney started making sex noises over the brownies. He'd got good at managing this thing he had for Rodney but all the same, there was only so much a man could take before just giving in and kissing every last bit of chocolate right out of that beautifully twisted mouth. Thankfully Rodney was as oblivious as ever, complimenting the bakery owner and scoring two more pieces for his efforts; John just prayed he'd eat them when he was alone.

After the trial by brownie they headed into the park.

"So, we're on top of a super volcano… again," John said casually as they passed through the west entrance.

Rodney just rolled his eyes. "As long as this one doesn't blow with us inside the caldera then I don't mind."

"Yeah," John winked. "Been there, done that."

They went and checked out Old Faithful first because Rodney declared it a 'classic'. They got there with about ten minutes to spare before the next scheduled eruption, joining the fairly substantial crowd gathered on the neighbouring boardwalks. With impressive accuracy the huge geyser blew right on time, a tremendous roar of steam and vapour shooting high into the air above them and drawing cheers from the clapping bystanders. Then they walked along some of the trails, hot pools and bubbling geysers on either side, before making their way to the visitor centre. Rodney decided to buy Madison some children's books that explained the science of the area, thoroughly checking them for accuracy, of course before finally finding a few that met his exacting standards. John just got her a moose dressed up like a park ranger. It was cute.

Then they followed the upper loop past Roaring Mountain and up to Mammoth Hot Springs. There were no geysers at Mammoth but John had always liked the area when he'd visited with his folks. There were hundreds of trickling hot springs depositing minerals that had gradually built up into huge white terraces, gleaming tiers that stood scores of feet high. As a kid he'd always thought the place looked like some alien landscape, he and Dave imagining they were on a distant planet fighting the tyranny of the Empire - John always being Han Solo, of course. It was kind of weird that when he did finally find himself on alien worlds that they all just looked a little like the Pacific Northwest. Huh.

It was getting late when they headed back home and they stopped for dinner at a little grill just off the highway. The steaks were thick and cooked just right and came with baked potatoes the size of John's head, fully loaded and with mushrooms on the side. Thankfully there were no brownies this time and so he managed to escape without another impromptu porn show from Rodney, and consequently, his dignity.

They made the last of the drive in total darkness, headlights the only thing between them and a plunge into the river. The twin beams picked out mile marker thirty-six and John turned off the highway and they started bumping their way along the final stretch to the ranch.

"How come there's no sign?" Rodney asked, sounding just this side of sleepy. "For the ranch? There's no name."

"I don't know," John shrugged. "It was always like that. Dave and I used to count off the mile markers as we passed them, getting closer and closer to thirty-six."

"So is the ranch actually called anything then?"

"I think it's officially listed as the Sheppard Ranch on the deeds but we always just called it the ranch."

"Huh. Just surprised you didn't name it something stupid," Rodney mumbled, clearly on the edge of losing the battle and just falling asleep in the car. "I mean puddlejumpers… they're supposed to be gateships… ships that…"

"Go through the gate," John chuckled as they got to the ranch. "Yeah, I know, buddy, I know."

"We here?" Rodney blinked, rousing up and looking a little surprised as John opened the door.

"Yep, time for bed, I think."

"Sound's good," Rodney said, giving John a sleepily befuddled smile and then heading up the steps into the house.

John paused for a moment, affection and longing a warm weight squeezing at his chest, and took a breath of chilled night air, carefully memorising the contented, sleep-softened look on Rodney's face - and then followed him inside.

John wasn't around when Rodney got up the next morning but there was a full pot of coffee warming on the plate and so he assumed he'd gone for his usual morning run or some other insanely healthy activity. He poured himself a mug and took it over to the seating area by the window, sinking pleasantly into a high-backed armchair with ridiculously deep and comfortable cushions. There was a bookcase nearby, handily placed for rainy afternoons of reading perhaps, and he scanned the spines. It was an eclectic mix, clearly a family collection, with Jane Austen nudging up against Conan Doyle and Mark Twain, not to mention a hefty selection of sci-fi paperbacks scattered amongst them. Rodney grinned as he saw an old Star Wars spin-off novel and opened it, not at all surprised to see the name 'John Sheppard' pencilled on the flyleaf in a childish hand. He'd read this one himself when he was a kid and could just picture a fresh-faced, young John sitting curled up - or more likely sprawled - in this chair, entranced by the exploits of Han Solo as he swashbuckled his way across the galaxy.

Maybe this adolescent reading had something to do with the fact that John was a bit of a swashbuckler too, in his own way - though Rodney would swallow his tongue before he ever admitted that out loud, of course. He was brave - again, not something that Rodney would ever tell him - and self-sacrificing to the point of madness - something that Rodney did tell him, frequently and at great volume - and somehow he always managed to save the day. Though most of the time it was a combination of Rodney's genius and John's flyboy heroics that did it - they really were an excellent team, working together, each with different skills complementing the other. Kind of like the Pegasus equivalent of Batman and Robin - though without the tights and there was no way in hell that Rodney would ever even consider wearing Lycra. Still, they made a damn good partnership.

Of course, it had been a little different a couple of months back.

Rodney closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed at his forehead. He didn't really remember much about it, not the details anyway, from when he'd had the alien parasite in his brain, draining his genius and his memories from him. But he did remember how he felt, even as his sense of who he was had slowly eroded he'd still known that he wanted John - needed him - and John had been there, making him feel better, keeping him safe. Even with his IQ dropping by the hour, he'd just known that John would take care of him - and he had; it was John who had finally figured out how to save him. Trust Colonel Think Outside The Box to come up with the Home Depot solution, of course - but it had worked and he'd saved Rodney's life. But that's what they did - saving each other's lives and the galaxy in the process. It was weird though, for such a hero John never seemed to end up with the girl.

There was a sudden sound of footsteps on the gravel outside and he looked up to see John running down the track towards the house. He was dressed in running shorts but with an old, faded USAF long-sleeved sweatshirt, presumably as a concession to the early morning chill, and as Rodney watched he slowed to a walk and headed over to the fence to cool down, stretching his legs out against one of the posts. John had really nice legs, long and toned - no doubt from all the running he did - though his usual tan seemed to be fading a little since they'd moved to New Lantea… Hmm, Rodney wasn't sure when he'd started noticing quite so much about the way John looked, still, they did spend a lot of time together and that was the kind of thing friends did - took an interest and so on. At that moment John turned and spotted him, raising his hand in a wave and smiling broadly. Rodney waved and smiled back and went to brew a fresh pot of coffee. That's what friends did.

After lunch they decided to drive to Bozeman to pick up supplies - they were running low on beer and they'd finished the last of the Cheetos. They stopped at Albertsons first and then headed next door to Target, emerging an hour later with a forty-two inch, high definition plasma widescreen, a DVD player and a selection of DVD box sets, including the latest seasons of Battlestar and new Who. John had also snagged a jumbo bucket of peanut butter and chocolate popcorn - just hoping that he'd be lucky enough to avoid having his fingers ripped off later by Dr Popcorn Addict and his grabby hands of doom, though it was tough to call.

They set the TV up by the wall facing the couch - well, John restocked the fridge while Rodney took charge of the TV and everything else - and in no time they were sitting side by side watching Eureka.

"I can't believe you bought this," Rodney groaned. "I mean, seriously? Doomsday devices? Reanimated Egyptian plagues? The so-called science in this show makes anthropologists look like real scientists… well, maybe… almost."

"Yeah, I know," John grinned, snagging some popcorn from the bowl between them. "It drives you nuts but - if this town was real? You'd totally be working there."

"Please!" Rodney snorted, jostling John's hand in the bowl. "I'd so be the Head of GD."

John laughed, almost choking on a mouthful of peanut butter and chocolate bliss.

"And you'd be the sheriff," Rodney added with a grin, "and I'd no doubt have to explain all the science to you in really small words and then use my genius to help you avert the terrifying disaster of the week."

"So, nothing new there then," John smiled, nudging his socked foot against Rodney's ankle.

"Not so much, no," Rodney chuckled and nudged back.

They watched the rest of the season, pausing to refill the popcorn bowl and grab more drinks as needed. Rodney visibly restrained himself and only shouted about the most heinous crimes the writers perpetrated against real science - though he did resort to a few scribbled graphs and equations to help explain why they were 'wrong, wrong, so very wrong!' on more than one occasion.

The time passed quickly and before John knew it, the credits were rolling on the final episode. It had grown dark outside and the room's only light was the glow from the plasma's big screen. He glanced across to see that Rodney had fallen asleep with his head resting on the arm of the couch, one hand tucked under his chin, his hair fluffed up at one side. He looked relaxed and peaceful, face cast in blue shadow by the flicker of the TV and his eyelashes an enticing dark smudge against his cheek.

John felt a tangled mess of wanting and need burst open in his chest; it would be so easy to reach across, to just gently stroke at those soft strands of hair, to press his mouth to those barely parted lips. He'd wanted Rodney for so long and sometimes he thought about just going for it - damning it all to hell and just moulding his body to Rodney's and pouring all his need and love into one scorching, searing kiss - and because it was a dream, of course, Rodney would kiss him back and want him too.

John reached out, hand almost touching the smooth skin of Rodney's cheek. In his dreams he could do that and admit the things he could never say out loud, use words like need and love and forever. His hand hovered in the air, close enough that he could feel the warmth of Rodney's skin and the softly exhaled breaths as he slept. But dreams weren't real and he dropped his hand to Rodney's shoulder, shaking lightly.

"Hey, buddy - wake up." He forced his voice to sound normal, pushing down the ache inside as Rodney woke and looked up at him, eyes wide and trusting. "Time for bed. You know you'll hate yourself if you sleep on the couch all night."

"So, where are we going exactly?" Rodney asked as they turned onto the highway. He'd already asked three times but John had been tight-lipped all morning, each time just shaking his head and smiling impishly.

"It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises," Rodney huffed.

"I know," John said but he looked so happy and excited that Rodney couldn't help but grin.

"I hate you as well."

"I know that too, buddy," John smirked and Rodney just had to laugh.

They only travelled as far as the next turn and headed along a single lane road towards a group of buildings in the distance. As they drove through a tall ranch gate Rodney read 'Four Forty Ranch' branded along the crossbar. The fields on either side of the lane were filled with horses and as they pulled up near a barn and stable block John turned to look at him, face open and expectant.

"So, what do you think?"

"Oh my god," Rodney gaped. "You want me to ride a horse? Are you insane?"

The joy and excitement that had been bubbling through John all morning drained from his expression in an instant and Rodney could have kicked himself.

"No, it's fine," John said evenly, face suspiciously blank. "We don't have to do this. It was just an idea, that's all."

"No!" Rodney said, hating the empty look in John's eyes and wanting the teasing and laughter back. "I just mean, um, I've never really been on a horse much before… well, okay, ever really."

"It's okay, Rodney. You don't have to do this."

"But I want to!" Rodney said and John lifted a sceptical looking eyebrow. "Well, I could - you know - try? But you'll have to help me and promise not to go galloping off into the distance like some spiky-haired John Wayne, making my horse chase after you and so leading to my inevitable, untimely and much-lamented death due to falling into a ravine of rattlesnakes or, you know… a thistle patch or whatever."

"No promises, Eeyore," John said mildly but Rodney could see the edges of his lips turning up and a twinkle lighting his eyes again.

"I mean it, Colonel Danger Is My Middle Name," Rodney warned, pointing a finger. "I have no idea what I'm doing so you'd better watch out for me."

"Relax," John smiled, voice soft but sure. "I'll take care of you."

Rodney felt a sudden, inexplicable warmth in his chest. "Yes, well," he swallowed. "Just you make sure that you do."

They got out of the car and headed towards the barn. An old man wearing a battered Stetson and looking like a close relative of Methuselah came out to meet them, a bright smile breaking out across his weatherworn face as he spotted John.

"Johnny Sheppard!" he called, coming over and grabbing John's hand. "Look at you - all grown up. It's good to see you!"

"Good to see you too, Mr Jennings." John's smile was broad and he looked younger. "How are you?"

"Can't complain, son, can't complain - not at my age. I was sorry to hear the news about your daddy."

"Thank you, sir," John said and Rodney could see that he meant it, he wasn't just saying what was expected. "I'm really grateful that you can help us out like this. This is Rodney."

"Ah, the fella who wants to try his hand at riding, right?" Mr Jennings nodded, shaking Rodney's hand.

Rodney shot John a quick glare but John just grinned. "That would be me," Rodney sighed, hoping he didn't look as sick as he felt. He wanted to do this for John - to see that carefree happiness on his face - but he had to admit to feeling nervous, well, terrified was probably a better word.

"Like I was saying on the phone, Rodney hasn't had much experience round horses," John added, looking a little more serious.

"Oh, don't you worry about that, Johnny," Mr Jennings said. "I've got just the old boy to take care of your friend - Big Ed's a real gentle giant."

"Giant?" Rodney squeaked. Giant did not sound good, in fact giant sounded like being way too far off the ground and hurtling towards certain catastrophic injury and the possibility of life in an iron lung.

"You'll be fine, Rodney," John said. "I'll be right with you, remember?"

"Of course, yes, fine." Rodney nodded mournfully and followed John over to the paddock by the stables, resigned to his fate.

There were two horses waiting for them; a huge brown beast with a white blaze on his face that Mr Jennings introduced as Big Ed and a handsome black stallion called Shadow, who was clearly John's horse. Rodney panicked silently as he looked up - and up - at his planned transportation for the day, and John and Mr Jennings checked around the horses, speaking knowledgably and adjusting saddles and other equine paraphernalia. Finally they seemed satisfied and Mr Jennings waved a hand and headed back to the barn, throwing a cheery, "See you later, boys!" over his shoulder.

"Um, right," Rodney said, rubbing his hands together and eying Big Ed nervously. "So?"

"How about we get you up and we'll take it from there," John smiled, resting a hand on Rodney's shoulder. John's hand was big and warm and Rodney felt himself relax.

"Okay, I can do this." Rodney steeled himself.

"Put your left foot in the stirrup here," John instructed, "and hold onto his mane here. Now just swing your right leg up and over and you're away. Easy as pie."

Rodney was dubious but did as he was told, somewhat surprised a moment later to find himself sitting up high in the saddle and looking out at the world from Big Ed's back - and not sprawled in a painful and inelegant heap on the ground. "Huh, I did it."

"You did," John grinned and lifted himself effortlessly up onto Shadow, obviously perfectly at home in the saddle. He was wearing scuffed old jeans and a black shirt, sleeves rolled up in the warmth of the day, and he looked like some kind of old time cowboy, only needing the Stetson and maybe a shiny Sheriff's star. "Ready to head out, buddy?"

Rodney tightened his hold on the reins and nodded. He could do this, he'd faced down the Wraith and the Replicators - he could ride a damn horse!

"Just relax, you're gonna do fine," John said, Shadow moving off ahead. "Just follow my lead - Big Ed'll do all the work."

"Right, relax," Rodney muttered and then amazingly did just that as his horse obediently followed on behind John's without him really having to do anything, the pace easy and unthreatening. Huh, this riding thing was easier than it looked.

John nudged Shadow in the direction of one of the trails that headed up into the Gallatin hills, checking that Rodney was right behind him. "You doing okay there, buddy?"

Rodney was still holding onto the reins fairly tightly but his shoulders had lost their hunched, tense set and he was looking pretty happy. "Um, strangely, I think - yes, actually," he smiled and John grinned.

The trail widened out as they hit the trees, climbing steadily, and John slowed Shadow for a moment, waiting for Big Ed to catch up and they continued on side by side. The trees were a colourful mix of the reds and golds of fall and a thick green canopy of evergreens. It was peaceful, just the wind singing through the branches and the babble of bird song and scurrying squirrels. There was a blanket of fallen leaves patch-working the ground and it crackled satisfyingly with the footfalls of their horses. John breathed deeply, the earthy scent of living things rich and real all around, and he felt something ease a little inside of him. It had been years since he'd ridden these hills and he was glad to be back - and to have Rodney with him, sharing it all.

The trail grew steeper and they left the woods behind, breaking out onto open meadows, high in the foothills, the peaks of the Rockies snow-topped and grand in the distance. The summer wildflowers were gone and there was a bracing bite to the air as they rode higher, despite the bright splash of sun in the wide, blue sky. It wouldn't be long before winter took hold.

The companionable silence that had fallen between them in the woods slid into easy banter as they rode on, John setting a comfortable pace for the horses - and for Rodney, who seemed quite content to amble along beside him.

"Johnny, huh?" Rodney grinned and John had known that he'd never let that one pass.

"Yeah. It was kind of a nickname when I was a kid."

"Oh, I bet you loved it. Johnny Sheppard - The Man in Black!"

John laughed and had to sheepishly agree. "That may have had something to do with it."

Rodney just chuckled, looking relaxed and happy.

They followed the trail south through wide stretches of sun-dappled meadow, seemingly nothing between them and the sky but the reach of a hand.

"I used to come up here all the time," John said, pausing to let the horses snack on some tasty-looking long grass. "It's so open I felt like I was riding in the sky."

Rodney smiled. "Like you had your very own super power."

"Yeah. It was almost like flying."

"That's why you liked it so much," Rodney said, with a satisfied tilt of his chin.

"Yeah, I think maybe it was," John nodded. "It was just me and my horse and the sky, going on and on. It was freedom." He ducked his head for a moment, not expecting to reveal so much.

"I never rode horses when I was young," Rodney said, and then rolled his eyes, "obviously. But I used to lose myself in science - the perfection of solving a problem, discovering something new. I'd work away until something would just kind of click into place and I finally understood. That was a kind of freedom for me, I think." He smiled, almost shyly and John nodded, smiling too. Of course Rodney understood.

"Yeah, I hear ya, buddy."

In the distance an eagle cried out, its harsh call slicing through the stillness of the air. They turned and spurred the horses back towards home, still smiling as they went.

The weather had closed in after they'd got back to the stables, the sky dark with storm clouds as they drove home to the ranch, and they'd just managed to run from the car as the first fat droplets of rain began to fall. They'd had grilled cheese and soup - one of Rodney's favourite rainy day comfort foods - and were now sprawled on the couch, toasting their feet in front of the old wood stove while the storm howled on outside, a sweet hint of wood smoke scenting the air.

"I can't believe we went horse riding," Rodney said, still amazed at how much he'd enjoyed riding up into the hills with John. "That I actually sat on a moving horse and didn't completely hate the experience."

"See, you never know what you'll like until you try it," John grinned, toeing off his socks and waggling his bare feet in front of the hissing warmth of the stove. John had nice feet.

Rodney decided to do the same, enjoying the pleasant heat warming his toes.

"Well, except for that Muronian slime-slug stew. I think we were all pretty sure we wouldn't like that," John added and made a face, clearly remembering.

Rodney shuddered in agreement. "I can't believe that Ronon asked for another bowl - it was completely disgusting."

"You know Ronon."

"Yeah," Rodney nodded and stretched his legs out, bumping against John's in the process; he was tired and it felt good so he didn't bother moving. "You know we ought to get a dish installed the next time we come." John would be able to watch football and they could get the Canadian hockey league. "An internet connection too," he added, looking over at his unopened laptop abandoned on the dresser, though strangely he hadn't actually missed it.

"Next time, huh?" John said, a slow smile warming his face and making his eyes shine.

Rodney paused. He'd been seeing that look on John's face a lot lately, a kind of contentment and happiness that John only ever seemed to show in private - when it was just the two of them. Huh. There was something important that he was missing here. His mind started processing - a catalogue of looks and glances, smiles and laughter, disappointment, fear, anticipation, and something else… something that had always been there, almost from the moment their friendship had begun. His brain sorted and checked, computed and rechecked and then everything slid into place with startling clarity.

"Oh my god! You like me! I mean, you… you like me - like that!"

John stiffened at his side. "I don't know what you're talking about, McKay," he said blandly. "Of course I like you - we're friends."

"No! I mean that you like me in, you know, that way. You do! Don't even try and deny it," Rodney cried, turning and looking straight at John. "With the hanging out and spending time together and saving my life - though admittedly that's kind of a two way street with us - but you do, and you get a happy, sort of goofy look sometimes when I say stuff and, and -" he paused as a new thought came to mind. A thought about John and him… and sex. "Oh, and that means you want me, um, you know - you want to do stuff… with me? You want that… want me."

"It's okay, Rodney," John said softly, meeting his gaze and suddenly looking old and very tired. "It's not anything that you have to worry about."

"But it is," Rodney exclaimed. For a split second John looked utterly defeated and then his face went carefully blank, and Rodney hated it, hated that he'd made John look that way and…oh. Oh, wow. That's why he'd gone horse riding and all that other stuff over the years, why he always liked it when he could make John smile or look happy. For a genius he really was an idiot sometimes. "No, you don't understand."

"I understand just fine," John sighed. "It's my problem. You're straight and that's okay…"

"No!" Rodney interjected, grabbing at John's arm.

"No?" John asked. "No, it's not okay? No, you're not straight? 'Cus I know that's a lie."

"Um, no, I mean I don't know. Maybe I'm not? Totally straight, I mean," Rodney wavered.

"I think it's something you'd know," John said, sounding almost angry and hurt at the same time. "You don't have to humour me or try to let me down easily. I don't need your pity."

"Oh for god's sake," Rodney huffed, irritated that John was being so unusually dense when they could normally complete each other's sentences. "I'm not pitying you! I mean that I think that yes, I… um, well - me too. I mean I do want you - you know, like that too. I think."

"You think? It doesn't work like that, Rodney."

"No, I mean definitely, um, definitely yes." Rodney stopped and took a breath. "Look, can we just accept that I'm an idiot to have not realised what's been going on between us all along and that you're an even bigger idiot for not just hitting me upside the head like you normally do."

"Rodney, what are you saying?" John said slowly, looking hopeful and a little scared, like he couldn't quite believe what Rodney was trying - admittedly fairly badly - to say.

Rodney took another breath. He was right about this, he knew he was right. He'd been a complete and utter moron for missing what was happening right in front of him - John wanted him and, in what made absolute sense now that he'd actually opened his eyes and thought about it, he wanted John right back.

He'd never much cared what most people thought of him - though curiously John's opinion had always mattered and wasn't that just another huge, freaking clue that he'd missed along the way - and he had no idea if this meant he was gay, bisexual or just ridiculously in love with John Sheppard. To be honest he didn't care because this was John - John - and that was all that really mattered.

Rodney had done a lot of brave things over the past few years - and now he was going to do another, possibly the bravest thing he'd ever done. He moved forward, reaching a hand to gently cup John's cheek - the stubble a shock and a thrill against his palm - and slowly leaned in. He paused for a moment - and then pressed his mouth against the unexpected softness of John's lips.

John froze.

Rodney was kissing him.

This wasn't possible; it must be a dream. He wanted this but it would never happen and so this couldn't be real. Except Rodney was kissing him, pressing his mouth to John's, a little too gently and like he was maybe unsure but going for it anyway because that's what Rodney was like when he'd made his mind up and… oh, wow.

Rodney really was kissing him… and so John kissed him right back. He pushed closer, sliding his hands up into Rodney's hair, and opened that clever, twisted mouth with his tongue and kissed him, losing himself in all that longed for heat. Rodney made a sound, a broken noise in the back of his throat and suddenly there was no more hesitation - he was grabbing at John's shoulders and pulling him in tight, meeting John kiss for kiss - and it was amazing.

They broke apart gasping, still snatching kisses as they panted, foreheads pressed together.

"Are you sure about this, Rodney?" John had to ask, couldn't bear it if this was some temporary, heat of the moment thing.

"Idiot," Rodney said fondly, pressing a brief, firm kiss to John's mouth. "Of course I'm sure. Like I make a habit of going around randomly kissing my best friends - and no, that thing with Carson doesn't count because that was Cadman, as you well know," he added.

John laughed, relieved and amused all at once; of course Rodney had known what he was thinking and of course he'd call him on it - even at a moment like this. Only Rodney. "Okay," John nodded and breathed his laughter and exhilaration into Rodney's mouth, "okay."

They kissed again and Rodney's tongue was warm and mobile in John's mouth, tearing him apart and building him back up again with every lush swirl. Rodney's hands grasped at John's shoulder, pulling him down until they were lying along the length of the couch, John covering Rodney as they carried on kissing, unwilling - unable - to stop. He could feel the length of Rodney's erection burning against his thigh and rolled his hips against the hardness, his own cock heavy and hot in his jeans.

"I, ah, don't actually have much experience here," Rodney panted, gaze still unbearably hot as he nipped at John's lips. "Well, none at all really. Um, you know - previously straight guy talking."

John took a deep breath. This was Rodney's first time with a man… and that man was him. Christ, but that was hot.

"But if you say you'll be gentle with me then I will have to kill you," Rodney added with a scowl, chin firming pugnaciously, and John had to laugh. This might be their first time together but there was never a dull moment with Rodney - that was one of the things that he loved about him - and he should've known that the sex would be fun too.

"Damn, Rodney - don't ever change," he grinned.

"Really? Um, yeah?" Rodney looked so endearingly uncertain that John had to kiss him again, crushing their mouths together. Rodney made another broken moan and thrust his hips up, rubbing his cock alongside John's. Jeez, Rodney might be new to this but he was a quick study, not like that was really much of a surprise.

"Come to bed with me," John gasped into Rodney's mouth, want and need burning through him, "please..."

Rodney groaned loudly. "Oh, god, yes."

They somehow managed to get off the couch and stumble to John's room - it was closer - while still kissing, unable to let go, sharing each other's air. John manoeuvred Rodney next to the bed, pushing up his shirt, suddenly desperate to experience all that beautiful skin. He pulled the shirt up and over Rodney's head and Rodney reappeared looking flushed and a little wild, his hair standing in fluffy tufts that John just had to run his fingers through. He let his hands wander, stroking them down the soft, smooth planes of Rodney's neck and across his collar bones and then lower, captivatingly pert nipples a siren song to his itching fingers.

Rodney moaned loudly as John's fingers skated over the pebbled, pink skin and he shuddered, reaching out and fumbling at the buttons of John's shirt.

"You too," he muttered, working feverishly until the black fabric hung open and loose from John's shoulders. His eyes opened wide and blue, and he made a flatteringly appreciative sound as he stared at John's chest.

John felt himself flush and pulled Rodney to him, the hot press of skin on skin a sudden searing, glorious shock. Their mouths locked in a ferocious kiss and they held onto each other, moans mingling together.

John could feel the solid length of Rodney's cock pushing rhythmically against his hip and he couldn't wait a minute more, he had to taste. He dropped to his knees and Rodney gasped as John ripped his fly open, frantically pushing Rodney's jeans and boxers down his strong thighs and pressing his face to Rodney's crotch. He inhaled the warm scent and moaned, opening his mouth and breathing in the taste and feel of Rodney's cock, licking and mouthing at the hot, salt tang of soft skin and hard flesh.

"Jesus!" Rodney groaned above him, hips stuttering.

John cupped Rodney's ass, its perfect peachy firmness filling his hands, and leaned in, sucking the solid length of Rodney's cock into his mouth.

Rodney moaned loudly, words unintelligible. John could understand, the taste of Rodney exploding across his tongue, instantly addictive as he sucked and swallowed. His senses felt alive, the weight of Rodney heavy and sweet in his mouth and John could feel the muscles in Rodney's ass flexing as he fought to stay still. He pulled him closer and swallowed his cock down deep.

Rodney's hands scrabbled at his hair, gentle but insistent. "John! John! Jesus, I'm going to…"

John glanced up; Rodney's gaze was hot and needy as he stared down with a look of wonder, and John nodded, increasing the suction, suddenly desperate for Rodney to come - and to be the one making it happen.

It only took a few more minutes and then Rodney cried out, hips jerking uncontrollably as his cock spurted into John's greedy mouth.

John swallowed gratefully, coaxing the last shuddering spurts from Rodney's body and then pressing soft kisses to his softening cock. He guided Rodney down onto the bed when his legs seemed ready to give out, easing him from the tangle of fabric twisted around his thighs.

"Wow," Rodney said, smiling up dopily at John.

"Yeah?" John answered with a pleased grin. He'd done it - he'd made Rodney come and it was better than any dream could ever be. His cock pulsed fiercely in agreement.

"Oh, yeah," Rodney sighed, stretching contentedly and reaching a hand towards him. "Come down here."

John sank to the bed in a rush.

"Can I, um," Rodney motioned towards John's crotch, sounding a little unsure but determined all the same.

"Yes," John nodded frantically, his cock pressing insistently against his jeans, "please." He sighed as Rodney unbuttoned his fly, and wriggled helpfully to shuck his jeans and underwear as Rodney pushed them down with an impatient huff.

"What should I do?" Rodney was eying John's hard cock with a fascinated stare.

John leaned over and pulled Rodney close, lying on their sides, chest to chest. "Anything you want to," he smiled, resting his hand on the smooth skin of Rodney's hip.

"I'd like to, um, well actually," he sighed, "I have no idea what I'd like to do. But I want to do something!"

He looked eager and frustrated all at once and John stroked a hand down his arm. "You could use your hand or we could rub off against each other a little," he said easily. "Or if you're not ready for that then I could just jerk off and you could watch."

"God, you'd do that?" Rodney breathed and his gaze was smouldering. "For me?"

"Sure," John nodded, reaching for his cock.

"No," Rodney said, knocking John's hand away. "Um, no - not that, though I definitely want to watch you sometime - god, I want to watch you - please. But not right now - I want to do it, to touch you. This is mine," he said and wrapped his big, warm hand around John's cock.

John just nodded, throat abruptly dry. God! Rodney's hand was on his cock, gripping him just right and sliding experimentally up and down his length as it stood up hard against his belly. It was like firecrackers igniting along his senses, a ferocious cascade of pleasure. Jeez, Rodney was a natural and might just end up killing him; not that John had any objection.

"Is this okay?" Rodney asked, rubbing John's cock, their bodies so close that John could feel his knuckles moving against his stomach.

"It's perfect," John swallowed, hands reaching for Rodney's head, angling their mouths together. It was more than perfect, it was everything he'd ever dreamed about and then everything that he'd never even imagined.

Rodney moaned into their kiss and John pulled him closer still, losing himself in the solid push and pull of Rodney's firm hand on his cock and the sweet warmth of Rodney's mouth. Rodney twisted his hand, flicking his thumb over the tip and John groaned, hips surging forward at the exquisite rush of fire, and Rodney repeated the action, ripping John's climax from him in a ridiculously short time. John would've felt embarrassed if he weren't so totally blissed out.

"So? Um, okay?" Rodney asked, waving a hand in the general direction of John's happily deflated cock. His face was a mix of hope and smugness and John collapsed back to the bed with a long satisfied groan.

"Definitely okay," John said, sex stupid and grinning and not caring at all. Then he moaned, dick twitching pathetically, as Rodney licked at the come coating his hand - John's come.

"Hmmm, I think I'm going to like this," Rodney smiled, laughing as John groaned again loudly as he licked his fingers clean.

"I've made a monster," John glared, pulling Rodney in to lie against him.

"And aren't you glad?" Rodney smirked.

"Oh, I wasn't complainin'," John laughed and pulled the comforter up over them. No, he wasn't complaining at all.

Rodney must have dozed for a while because when he next looked it was fully dark outside and the storm was still lashing at the windows. He was lying half-draped across John, head pillowed on the soft fur of his chest, their legs entwined in a warm cocoon of sex-scented blankets.

He'd had sex. With John. And it had been incredible!

Why the hell hadn't they been doing this for years? He knew that some people might have misgivings at such an abrupt change in their sexual orientation but not him. He was a scientist; he'd observed, collated the evidence and come to the inevitable conclusion that he loved John and so, really, what was there to freak out about? It was more galling to realise what he'd been missing out on all these years - the fact that he could've been having sex with the hottest man in two galaxies for the past five years instead of thinking that they were just really, really good friends. It should have been a knock to his self-belief to realise what an absolute idiot he'd been but the ego boost of the aforementioned hot boyfriend was definitely worth it. Hmmm, was John his boyfriend? Is that what they'd call each other? Or did John prefer some other term - life partner, significant other? Actually, knowing John, they'd never give it a name or speak of it at all and that was fine with him. He had the hottest guy in the universe in his bed - who cared about labels anyway?

He sighed blissfully and pressed a kiss to John's chest.

"You awake?" John asked quietly, almost hesitantly.

Rodney lifted himself up and looked carefully at John. Okay, this wasn't good. The tightness was back around John's eyes and he seemed nervous, almost scared. What the hell had he got to be scared about? They'd just had the best sex that Rodney could ever remember having and were hopefully going to have a lot more in the future now that they'd realised what was really going on between them and…

"Oh my god, you're being an idiot again aren't you?" Rodney cried, poking John in the shoulder. "You've been lying there thinking about what just happened and have already decided that I'll wake up and hate you. Admit it, you think I'm freaking out, don't you? That I'm regretting my roll on the non-hetero side of the hayloft and that I'm now going to shun you and flounce off in a righteous blaze of wronged masculinity!"

John looked momentarily shocked and vaguely sheepish - clearly surprised that Rodney had seen right through him - and then smirked, just a little. "I'm not sure wronged masculinity would really flounce, Rodney. Stomp, maybe?"

"Oh, whatever, you idiot!" Rodney said, though he was fighting not to laugh because this was important and he had to make John understand; the moron. "Just get it through that cow-licked extravaganza that you call a head, that I am not freaking out, am perfectly happy with the change in the status of our relationship - and you don't have to worry, I won't ever be using that word again in your presence - and that this wasn't a one time thing, well at least not for me," Rodney paused and gazed expectantly at John who shook his head, looking slightly dazed, though definitely happier than a minute before. "So if that's all perfectly clear Colonel Straw For Brains, then I'd like to move on to the part where you stop being so monumentally stupid and we get to have sex again. A lot. Please."

John was silent for a moment and then grinned, a big, happy, naughty grin that made him look twenty years younger. "I don't know, Rodney," he drawled. "I mean all this sweet talk and fancy foreplay of yours could really go to a guy's head."

"Oh, shut up!" Rodney laughed and then leaned in for a kiss, glad that everything was fine and they were both on the same page again. John sucked on Rodney's tongue, hot and dirty, sending a sizzle of pleasure straight to his rapidly hardening cock and Rodney moaned. Oh, yes - they were definitely fine, in fact they were cool.

Rodney pulled away and looked at John stretched out languorously on the bed, long, lean and almost heart-stoppingly gorgeous. "So I'm not exactly sure what the mechanics are here," he said, "but I wanted to do that thing you mentioned before. If we could, maybe…" He manhandled John to lie flat on his back and then settled on top of him, John's hard cock snugged firmly in next to Rodney's own. Oh, wow, that did feel good. "But I'm sure you can give instruction as needed."

John seemed to choke a little, "Oh, you're doing fine, buddy," and wrapped his arms around Rodney's back.

Rodney pushed his hips down and John mirrored his movements, rubbing their cocks together and moaning. Rodney moaned too. God, this was better than good, it was amazing. He had John laid out under him and they were moving together in a perfect rhythm, waves of sensation shooting through his cock as it slid snugly next to John's, heat building low in Rodney's gut as the pace quickened.

John slid his hands down and grabbed at Rodney's ass, kneading his cheeks and pulling him even closer. Christ! Rodney pressed his face into John's neck, shouting as his cock just erupted, hot pulses of pleasure spewing out as his body bucked against John's solid strength. John immediately stiffened under him and then shuddered, and Rodney could feel the heat as he came too, hot fluid mixing between their bellies as their movements slowed in the languid haze of completion.

"Mmmnnngh," Rodney groaned lushly, every limb suddenly lax and heavy. Sex with John was the very best thing in the world - on any world - and was now his all time, number one favourite, better even than warm double chocolate fudge cake with extra chocolate sprinkles; and that was something that he'd never thought he'd say.

"Yeah," John nodded, pointing a wavering finger and looking pretty euphoric himself - and about two seconds away from passing out completely. "Exactly."

Rodney somehow found the energy to shift them into a more comfortable position and then kissed John softly - mmm, definitely better than chocolate fudge cake - before joining him in slumber.

John woke to the sound of thunder. He was spooned behind Rodney, arm draped loosely around the endearingly soft swell of Rodney's belly, nose buried in the nape of his neck, soft strands of hair tickling his face. He couldn't quite believe what had happened - that they were finally together, Rodney wrapped contentedly in his arms - and that it wasn't just another dream.

Rodney snuffled quietly in his sleep and John smiled, ridiculously enchanted. He figured he could cut himself some slack in the sap department - he'd wanted Rodney for years and suddenly getting everything he'd ever wished for was kind of shocking and had obviously sent him a little loopy; not that he really cared. On reflection, it was probably just inevitable that they'd ended up like this anyway. Rodney was a genius after all and would've figured it out sooner or later. Thank god that he had.

Lightning flashed, bathing the room with a split second of hard white light and then thunder rolled over, the storm almost on top of them.

John pressed a soft kiss to Rodney's shoulder and eased out of bed, settling the blankets snugly over Rodney's back.

He walked to the window, leaning against the frame and looking out into the night. Rain was drumming on the roof and battering at the windows as the wind whipped around wildly. Everywhere was black, nothing visible except for the brief moments when flashes of electricity forked and crackled randomly across the sky. When he'd been really small he'd been afraid of storms and there were a lot of them in the mountains in the summer. So he'd gone running to his parents' room whenever thunder crashed nearby and climbed in between them, wriggling under the secure warmth of the blankets and suddenly feeling safe. Then one time when his mom was stroking his hair and his dad was hugging him close, his dad had told him not to be frightened - that the noise was just the sound of the horses in heaven, running through the clouds and kicking their hooves up as they played. He'd never been scared after that, instead rushing to his window to watch the storm and maybe try to see the horses blazing through the sky.

He smiled. He hadn't thought of that in years, more recent events giving storms a painful, hollow association, and it felt good to reclaim the memory and make the feeling a happy one again.

Coming here had been a strange kind of journey; a trail scattered with remembrance - memories of the good times when he was a kid - and then the totally unexpected fork in the road that was Rodney.

He didn't know why his dad had left him this place and it was too late now to resolve the issues that had kept them apart for most of John's adult life - but maybe it was time for a little acceptance, to put aside the faults on both sides and just let things rest, have some peace. It had been good to come here and remember the way things had been, the happy times when they were a family - and maybe that's what his dad had hoped for when he made this particular bequest. John grinned a little. It was unlikely that his dad had expected Rodney, of course - but he hoped that he would at least be happy that John had finally found someone, that he wasn't alone anymore.

A particularly loud crash of thunder boomed overhead and John smiled, perhaps his dad was riding those horses in heaven, his mom laughing at his side.

Rodney woke suddenly, unsure of what had roused him, feeling vaguely disoriented as a shrieking howl of wind buffeted the windows. He reached out but the space beside him was empty and he sat up, trying to see through the darkness. A flash of lightning illuminated the room, momentarily cutting through the blackness and silhouetting John as he stood by the window. He was leaning with one arm above his head as he looked out, the length of his back one graceful, silvery line in the muted shadows, sweeping down to the curve of his ass and long legs below.

God, he was beautiful. It probably should have seemed strange to think of a man like that after a lifetime of appreciating women but John was beautiful - it was as simple as that. Rodney was mesmerised as another streak of lightning lit John's face. One side was hidden in shadow, impossibly long, dark lashes dusting John's cheek as he blinked against the bright flare, licking at his lips, their fullness glistening in the light. As Rodney watched, John smiled out into the storm, just the hint of an upward tilt of that luscious mouth and Rodney remembered its shape and warmth as it had moulded so sweetly to his own earlier. It was weird but kissing John had seemed remarkably familiar, almost like it was something that he was always meant to do. He really didn't have a problem with that at all and would quite happily spend the rest of his life kissing John - in fact he was going to make sure that he did.

A clap of thunder rumbled overhead and John moved, twisting his body slightly as he stared out into the night. Rodney could just see the dog tags glinting against the dark hair of his chest, lightning flashes reflecting dimly off the flat, burnished metal. He hadn't even noticed that John was wearing them before, too overwhelmed in the heady rush of seeing John naked, in getting to touch and taste all that smooth golden skin over toned muscle. He'd pretty much been on sensation overload, especially when John had dropped to his knees in front of him and given him the blowjob of his life. That sight alone had practically short-circuited his brain and though it would be a terrible loss to the scientific community and the universe in general, Rodney was fairly certain it might actually be worth it - John really did have an incredibly talented mouth.

"Hey, you're awake." John had turned round and was smiling, body wreathed in shadow.

"Are you okay?" Rodney asked, though John looked relaxed and happy so hopefully his midnight contemplations by the window had been the good kind.

"Yeah," John said, walking back towards the bed, movements fluid and easy. "Just been storm watching." He slid into bed and snuggled up next to Rodney, wrapping his arms around him.

Rodney shivered, remembering a different storm. "I don't like storms much anymore."

"I know." John nodded and pressed a kiss to Rodney's temple, his voice a soothing rumble in his ear as Rodney felt himself falling asleep, "but there's no need to worry, s'just the horses in heaven running through the sky…"

They pretty much spent the next few days in bed, only getting up for necessities like food and shared showers. They took their time, exploring each other's bodies, finding all the little hot spots and things that could make the other moan or - in one memorable case, and to John's enormous pride - could make Rodney scream. During this time Rodney gave his first blowjob, proving that his mouth really was as agile as John had always suspected and that techno-babble wasn't the only thing he could get his tongue around. Afterwards John had rolled over, limp and sated, and coaxed Rodney into fucking him, not that much coaxing was actually needed and Rodney showed, yet again, what a genius he really was. In fact, John was fairly certain that he may have actually lost consciousness for a second when he came with Rodney's cock in his ass - not that he was telling Rodney that anytime soon, or, you know, ever.

Then finally it was time to leave, the day dawning cold as winter crept closer, the sky a pale frosty blue above the mountains.

"Obviously we'll have to get a hotel," Rodney said as they carried the bags out to the car. "There's no way I'm having sex staying in my sister's house," he huffed, bending forward to wedge his laptop into the back seat and incidentally giving John a great view of his ass. "And I really, really want to have sex - lots of it - so we'll just book into a hotel and visit during the day."

"Oh, yeah," John sighed. He could really get behind that, kind of literally as a matter of fact as Rodney wiggled around in front of him, his firm, full cheeks a bobbing enticement. They were still taking things slow but Rodney had really liked it when John had rimmed him - hence the scream - and so he didn't think it would be much longer before he got to sink into that magnificent ass. Not that he was complaining - he could happily have Rodney fuck him forever.

"About Jeannie… and us," Rodney said, dragging John back to the present. "I don't know if you want me to say anything or if you want to keep this a secret or, um…" He looked uncertain.

"She's your sister, Rodney," John smiled, pulling Rodney to him. "You do whatever you want to. We can keep it quiet or if you want to tell her then that's fine too." He kissed Rodney's mouth, deep and sweet. "We're together now, buddy and I'm kind of hoping it's for the long haul."

"Oh, right. Yes, of course!" Rodney smiled, looking a little bashful and pink around the ears. "Then I think I will - tell her, I mean. Okay? I'd like her to know about us - to know that I'm happy. She worries."

"I get that," John nodded, warmth spreading through his chest knowing that he was the reason for Rodney's happiness.

"Plus there's the fact that you're totally hot," Rodney added with a wink and pinched John's ass.

Eventually the car was loaded, the house checked and locked, and they were rumbling down the track towards the highway.

"It's weird to be leaving," Rodney said, twisting in his seat and watching the ranch as they drove away. "So much has changed since we've been here. I'm sort of sad to go."

"But now we've got each other," John smiled, "and so it doesn't matter where we are; we'll be together." He was going to make sure of that - always.

Rodney beamed at him. "That's true. But I want us to come again. Maybe for our next leave?"

"Sure, but it gets cold out here in the winter."

"That's okay, I'll keep you warm," Rodney smirked. "Plus we have the wood stove," he added and John had to laugh.

"Oh, yeah and who'll end up chopping all those logs, huh?" John joked, surprised when Rodney flushed bright red and choked a little, not meeting his eyes. "Oh my god, you're totally going to a porny half-naked wood chopping place, complete with cheesy boom-chicka-wah-wah soundtrack, aren't you?" he laughed. "Rodney, you pervert!"

Rodney blushed even more fiercely but tilted his chin defiantly and gave John such a horny look that John felt himself flush too. It would be worth chopping a few logs if it got Rodney this hot and bothered.

"Well, maybe that can be arranged," John mumbled hoarsely, the heat from Rodney's gaze parching his throat dry.

They stared at each other for a moment and then hooted with laughter, Rodney whapping at his shoulder as John brayed uncontrollably and made boom-chicka-wah-wah noises with the odd "Oh, yeah, baby!" thrown in.

They'd just about recovered, the occasional hiccupping chuckle still sneaking out, as they reached the river and trundled over the bridge. Mile marker thirty-six was ahead, marking their return to the highway and the rest of the world.

"So, you going to bother getting a sign?" Rodney asked, looking happy and relaxed.

John glanced behind him to the track snaking back into the hills and the ranch beyond. This had been such a special place to him and for a very long time he'd thought that he'd lost it. Now it was his again and coming here had allowed him to lay a lot of silent ghosts to rest and it had also helped him to find something even more special - Rodney.

"Nah, why advertise?" John said. "How about we just keep the place to ourselves?"

Rodney nodded, eyes shining. "Sounds good to me."

John smiled happily and pulled out onto the highway.

The end

If you like livin' on a rural route,
Fixin' up an' old farmhouse.
Hugs with your coffee and your good mornin's with a kiss
If you like startin' a fire on a cold winter's night,
An' makin' dreams come true together:
(Man), if you like that, you're gonna love forever.

'If You Like That' ~ Craig Morgan