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I have nothing to say to you
The words resounded in Alec’s head. Magnus’ tone, the anguish in his eyes as he’d said it had only made it hurt worse. It was so incredibly final. Magnus scornfully calling him Shadowhunter had hurt, but this...
I have nothing to say to you
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The battle with the flying demons was finally ended with Magnus saving his life. Alec had been running from it and then Magnus threw the rest of his magic at the last one, destroying it – and then he’d collapsed, right in front of Alec.
“Magnus!” Alec ran to him immediately, cradling his head. Magnus could hardly believe his eyes and ears. Alec was leaning over him, his face full of fear. After everything, maybe he hadn’t pushed him away completely.
“Alexander?” As much as Alec had wanted to hear him say his name again, it actually hurt to hear Magnus say it, especially with so much hope in his voice.
“Magnus, are you okay?” Magnus sat up, pulling away from Alec to test his awareness of his own body. Of course, to Alec it merely seemed like he was pulling away from him.
“Yeah, I think so. Are you okay, Alexander?” Alec stood up quickly, as though he’d been scalded by touching Magnus.
“Thanks for your help with the demons.” Alec said coldly and then turned and walked away, heading back toward the others.
“Alexander, wait!” He heard Magnus scrambling to his feet and then felt a hand grab his arm. He turned to glare down at the warlock's hand.
“Please, I can explain—” Alec held up his other hand to silence him, and Magnus stopped. How could he possibly explain everything so that Alec would understand?
“You have nothing to say to me,” he reminded the warlock, wrenching his left arm out of Magnus’ grasp. It had killed Magnus to have to say that to Alec, but having it thrown back at him was like being stabbed in the heart.
“Everything I’ve done has been to protect you!” Alec scoffed at this and finally made eye contact again for the first time since Magnus had been lying on the ground.
“You weren’t protecting me, Magnus, you were protecting your people.”
“That’s you, Alexander! You are one of my people!” Alec still looked skeptical and angry and hurt. Magnus was
bewildered, how could Alec not understand this?
“So, protecting me means breaking my heart into a hundred pieces and then stomping on the pieces?” Magnus winced, feeling his own heartbreak reflected.
“The Seelie Queen would have stolen you away and hidden you somewhere in the Seelie realm - or worse - if she guessed how I feel about you. You wear your heart on your sleeve, Alexander. I had to break your heart to keep you safe, and I’m so sorry.”
There were tears running down Magnus’ face and Alec wanted so badly to reach out and brush them away, but he didn’t.